*NOTE: I do not own Deadliest Warrior, DC Comics, or Marvel Comics—I'm just a big fan of all three of them. This story is truly fictional, and aside from the three Deadliest Warrior hosts, does not depict real people (but I kind of hoped you already knew that). If you have any suggestions for future matches, complaints, or anything else like that, please let me know.
Anything said by the Narrator in this episode is in ITALICS.
Deadliest Hero: Gambit vs. Green Arrow
As the show begins, we see a man with brown hair and fiery red eyes. He wears a long brown trench coat and is holding a hand of playing cards, lit up with what appear to be purple flames.
Gambit—energy-wielding rebel of the Marvel Universe.
The camera shows Gambit firing a barrage of energy-charged playing cards at a group of thugs on the streets of New Orleans.
Another slightly larger man comes into view, with blonde hair and a full beard. He's wearing a black mask and an all-green costume reminiscent of Robin Hood.
Green Arrow—lightning-fast trick archer of the DC Universe.
The camera shows Green Arrow shooting multiple arrows at a gang of thieves outside a bank in Star City.
WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?
We now see a montage of various comic book-themed weapons being tested.
To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…
THE DEADLIEST HERO!
As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves in the familiar fight club from Deadliest Warrior.
Welcome to the fight club. Here, we've assembled E.R. doctors, scientists, computer experts, and some of the most famous comic book characters of all time, and then turned them loose with some of the most lethal weapons known to the comic book universe. All to create a true-to-life deathmatch between two legendary superheroes: Gambit, New Orleans's most famous and feared native son from the Marvel Universe, versus Green Arrow, lethal bow-master of the DC Universe.
Gambit Stats
Real Name: Remy LeBeau
Ht: 6'1"
Wt: 179 lbs
Gear: 12 lbs
Armor: Bulletproof undersuit
Superpowers: Kinetic energy manipulation
Green Arrow Stats
Real Name: Oliver "Ollie" Queen
Ht: 6'2"
Wt: 195 lbs
Gear: 19 lbs
Armor: Shield
Superpowers: Enhanced agility and speed
We see a man in his late 20's hooking up a set of equipment to a computer.
Biomedical scientist and karate black belt Geoff Desmoulin will assess the lethality of each hero's weapons.
"What's cool about this matchup for me is that I'm gonna get to use my medical knowledge that I usually use on Deadliest Warrior, and apply it to two of the most famous comic book superheroes of all time," says Geoff. "I'm really psyched about this."
We now see a man in a lab coat examining a blood-covered gel torso.
E.R. physician Armand Dorian will assess the damage of each weapon.
"I'm gonna tell you how lethal these weapons truly are," explains Dr. Dorian, "and whether or not somebody will live or die from getting hit by them."
We see a young man with curly brown hair typing on a laptop.
23-year-old computer whiz Max Geiger will input the data into a battle simulation program to determine the winner.
"I've had to tweak the simulation a little bit to accommodate these two heroes' powers," says Max, "and I can tell you that we'll definitely see some hardcore action with this one."
The camera shows a young man with fire-engine red hair wearing a blue-and-white uniform. He's wielding a large staff, twirling it in the air as though he's blocking attacks.
Representing Gambit: his cousin and former partner-in-crime Emil Lapin. Emil and Gambit were each part of a notorious faction known as the Thieves' Guild, so Emil knows Gambit's fighting style firsthand.
"I know firsthand that that bastard Remy is crazy—crazy like a fox," says Lapin. "He's a tried-n'-true killah, an' that fancy little Robin Hood wannabe is gonna go down hard an' fast."
We also see a beautiful young woman wearing a green uniform. Her long brown hair is accentuated with white bangs. She's holding a hand of playing cards in each hand, wielding them like ninja shurikens.
Also representing Gambit: X-Men comrade and longtime love interest Rogue.
"Gambit ain't just a pretty face—he's a bona fide killah," says Rogue. "Ah just know he'll be able to take down that Arrow fella…"
Born in New Orleans, Louisiana, Gambit was orphaned at an early age, and took to thievery to support himself. In his teenage years, he developed his mutant power—the ability to manipulate potential energy in everyday objects and turn it into deadly, explosive kinetic energy. After joining the X-Men, he fought side-by-side with some of the greatest heroes of the Marvel Universe, and held his own in some of the deadliest battles of all time.
"Gambit ain't just some fancy-pansy thug offa the streets," Emil assures us. "He's a pro at what he does. He's gonna take down Green Arrow, no question 'bout it."
That's news to our Green Arrow experts, who believe with all their hearts that Gambit is in over his head.
We see a teenage boy wearing a yellow-and-black costume and mask, pulling back on a longbow.
Representing Green Arrow—protégé and fellow archer Speedy. Speedy has served as Green Arrow's sidekick for many years, and knows firsthand Arrow's fighting style.
"I trained under Master Arrow for many years," admits Speedy. "To the untrained eye, he's just a guy in a Robin Hood costume. The fact of the matter is that he's a true fighter, and Gambit's going down just like everyone that has ever faced Green Arrow."
We now see a beautiful blonde woman dressed in a black uniform, a black cape, fishnet stockings, and black boots. She is wielding a broadsword with the same poise of a skilled knight.
Also representing Green Arrow—longtime crime-fighting partner and wife Black Canary.
Ollie is without question, among the greatest heroes of all time," boasts Canary. "I know my Ollie, and he won't let that southern-fried freak get anywhere near him."
Billionaire Oliver Queen developed a Robin Hood-based persona to protect his hometown of Star City, of which he was a former mayor. After losing his fortune, Green Arrow became an outspoken advocate of the underprivileged working-class, and tirelessly developed numerous lethal weapons modified to his own liking.
"Green Arrow isn't just a rogue vigilante who picked up a longbow and started fighting crime," Speedy assures the viewers. "He's custom-made all of his weapons specifically to take down his enemies. Every weapon in Green Arrow's arsenal is engineered to maim, incapacitate, and kill."
But who would win in a battle between these two heroes? Our experts are divided.
"I'm giving it all to Gambit in this one," predicts Geoff. "He's nastier, he's got more modern weaponry, and unlike Green Arrow, he actually has superpowers. I'm sticking with Gambit all the way."
"My money's on Green Arrow," says Max. "He's got far better accuracy with those arrows of his than Gambit has with those cute little playing cards, and he can hit from a much longer range. I think Green Arrow's gonna take this one."
Gambit and Green Arrow have one thing in common: both heroes wield deadly long-range weapons. But for Gambit, his weapon is much more advanced.
We see Gambit firing an all-too-familiar weapon at an adversary, killing him instantly with one shot.
The .44 Magnum Pistol—enormously destructive power from a six-inch steel barrel.
Emil grabs the pistol off a table containing several weapons, and brings it over to Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian as he tells them all about it. "All right, gentlemen—what we got here is a standard .44 Magnum. This here is one of th' mos' powerful handguns evah fashioned."
"How would Gambit typically use this?" asks Geoff.
"Remy us'lly keeps a gun like this hidden inside his coat," Lapin explains, demonstrating by placing the pistol under his own uniform. "An' when it's time ta' rumble—he whips it out, jus' like this." He whips the pistol out and points it toward a target.
"Well, I'd love to see what that thing can do to human flesh." says Max.
"Let's do it, mon ami…" says Lapin, smiling.
The target—a ballistics gel torso with the same density as human flesh and bone.
Dr. Dorian steps up to the ballistics gel torso and begins explaining the situation to Emil. "Okay, Emil, this gel simulates human tissue," he says. "We've got the skin, the organs, the muscle, the bone—anything you do to this guy with that pistol, you can do the same to a real person."
A few seconds later, Emil is positioned in front of the torso, locked and loaded with the pistol.
"Emil, are you ready?" asks Geoff.
"Oui, monsieur!" Emil affirms.
"Three, two, one—FIRE!" Geoff shouts.
"Fahr in the hole!" Lapin shouts, and begins firing the pistol at the gel torso. The first bullet fired almost tears the torso's head in half, and the remaining five shots riddle the chest and stomach. When Emil finishes unloading all his bullets, the experts assess the damage.
"Holy shit!" Geoff shouts as he and Dr. Dorian step in to take a closer look at the damage done to the torso.
Okay, you don't need to be a medical expert like me to figure out that this guy's dead," says Dr. Dorian as he examines the torso. "You've blown the head almost completely off, you have multiple bullet wounds here in the chest and the stomach—these would all be kill shots. This guy is dead and on the ground in about a second."
"And that ain't even Remy's primary weapon…" Lapin says, beaming.
Gambit's team kicks off the battle with a bang, but the Green Arrow experts aren't worried.
Ollie's been shot at before, and he knows exactly how to dodge gunfire," says Black Canary. "I doubt that Gambit has seen anything like what we've got in store."
Gambit may have modern firepower on his side, but Green Arrow has his own long-range weapon, which has become his trademark.
We see Green Arrow firing multiple arrows from his bow before a description of the weapon appears on the screen.
The Longbow—a tried-and-true weapon dating back to medieval England, modified by the Emerald Archer for easy transport.
Speedy picks up a longbow off a table of Green Arrow's weaponry and brings it over to our hosts as he explains how it works. "Gentlemen, this is a bow very similar to the one Master Arrow uses. It's made of maple hardwood with a rosewood handle—these limbs here are made of fiberglass."
But of course, what is a bow without: Arrows—lightning-fast, and almost silent to the untrained ear.
We see Green Arrow shooting numerous types of arrows—steel-tipped ones, glue-tipped ones, flaming ones, arrows with nets that fly out—and of course, boxing-glove arrows.
Green Arrow doesn't use only normal steel-tipped arrows—some have deadly surprises in store.
We now see Speedy standing next to a table of arrows. Our three Deadliest Warrior hosts join them, and Speedy begins explaining how each arrow works. "Each of these arrows has a special function," he says. "You've got normal steel-tipped arrows, which will pierce flesh and cause death. You have flaming arrows, which will cause incredible pain as well as burns if they're not dealt with immediately. We even have poison-tipped arrows, which enter the body via the wound they create and cause a very fast but agonizing death with this cyanide-based poison."
"Which arrow do you prefer?" asks Geoff.
"Whichever one goes through Gambit's skull…" Speedy replies coldly.
Another ballistics gel torso is set up, and Speedy steps up to the plate with the longbow. He loads a steel-tipped arrow into the bow and pulls back on the bowstring.
"Arrow to the gut," he says before firing the arrow, and sure enough, Speedy hits the gut area of the gel torso. He loads another arrow up.
"Right shoulder," he calls, and fires the arrow. Speedy indeed hits the right shoulder, right above the clavicle. He continues to load arrows up and shoot them into the torso, calling all his shots every time—he even shoots an arrow into the torso's right eye. About thirty seconds later, arrows riddle the torso, and Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.
"Okay, you've basically made this guy into a pincushion," says the doctor. "Most of these would be kill shots, and they all would be extremely painful. This arrow, for instance, pierced the aorta, and that causes death within about 30 seconds."
But Green Arrow also carries other types of arrows, including flaming ones, poison-tipped ones, and his own personal invention—the boxing glove arrow.
Speedy now loads a boxing glove arrow into the bow, pulls it back, and lets it fly. The arrow strikes a freshly set-up target right in the face, breaking the nose and causing some slight bleeding.
"Nice…" says Max, admiring the damage.
While the boxing glove arrow looks painful, Dr. Dorian must assess the damage from it to determine if it was powerful enough to kill.
"Okay, this would definitely be very painful, but it's not a kill shot," explains Dr. Dorian as he looks back at Speedy. "In order for you to kill with this boxing glove arrow, you'd have to hit at a little bit closer range, but even then, it would be a shot in the dark."
Even though our Green Arrow team is still optimistic about the arrows, Team Gambit is unimpressed.
Emil and Rogue walk up to the gel torso to assess the damage. Emil is carrying the .44 Magnum pistol.
"Y'all are actually comparin' arrows with somethin' like this?" Rogue asks. "Gambit's took harder hits from Iceman…"
"Here, lemme finish the job for y'all," says Emil. He fires a single bullet from the pistol from about four feet away, demolishing the torso's head and spattering blood and brain matter everywhere.
Both of our heroes' long-distance weapons are undoubtedly lethal, but which one is the better weapon?
"So…Pistol vs. Bow & Arrows, which one gets the edge?" Geiger asks his two colleagues.
"Pistol, all the way," says Dr. Dorian. "It's much deadlier, more modern, and the bullets travel a lot faster than Green Arrow's arrows."
"I have to disagree completely," retorts Geoff. "Green Arrow is much more accurate with those arrows of his—plus, he doesn't just have normal arrows. He's got flaming arrows, he's got net arrows, he's got the boxing glove arrow—Gambit only has one type of bullet."
"To be honest, I have to agree with both of you," admits Max. "Green Arrow has a lot more versatility with his Arrows—plus, he usually carries around thirty or forty arrows. On the other hand, Gambit's pistol has massive destructive power. I'm torn between the two weapons, so to be fair, let's call it a draw."
In long-range weapons, neither warrior gets the edge with their equally devastating armament. But this match is just getting started—it's time to test our heroes' medium-range weapons. For Gambit, this weapon is also his signature item.
We see Gambit, his eyes glowing an ominous red, holding up a two of hearts playing card. The card suddenly bursts into purple flames, and Gambit chucks it at the camera.
Gambit's Kinetic Playing Cards—charged with potent kinetic energy that delivers a deadly explosion on impact.
Rogue picks up a deck of playing cards off the table, and approaches our Deadliest Warrior team. "What ah got here is a standard bunch-a playin' cards," she says. "52 to a deck, 54 if'n y'all count the jokers. As y'all can see, these are lightweight, easy ta' carry 'round, and most important, they're real accurate when ya throw 'em."
"But Gambit's got that mutant power that he uses to charge them with energy, right?" Geoff asks.
"Right," Rogue replies. "Ah don't know all the science b'hind it, but sweet-cheeks always charges 'em all up with his kinetic whoop-dee-doo 'fore he throws 'em.
The kinetic energy Gambit imbues each card with takes at least a second to take, and explodes on impact.
"We ain't jus' talkin' 'bout a simple gunshot impact here," Rogue assures. "We're talkin' explosive damage done bah each card Remy throws.
To test the power of the kinetic playing cards, the team heads outside to the target range, where numerous targets have been set up. To simulate Gambit's kinetic powers, we've attached miniature explosives to each playing card that will explode upon impact. Each explosive packs the same power as if Gambit has charged each card for one second.
"Are you ready, Rogue?" shouts Geoff from afar.
"Fer sho, sugah!" Rogue shouts back.
"Three, two, one—THROW 'EM!" Geoff instructs. Rogue flings one of the cards at one of the five mannequins, and almost immediately after it touches the target, the card explodes in a blast of purplish-pink fire. But Rogue doesn't stop at just one—she continues throwing cards at the mannequins, creating a barrage of powerful explosions that rock the area. When Rogue has thrown sixteen cards, she finally lets up, and when the dust finally clears, most of the mannequins lie on the ground in piles of charred remains. One mannequin is still standing, but it is covered in burns and pieces of playing card.
"Holy shit!" Max cries.
"Geezus!" Geoff adds.
When the damage is assessed, the cards prove themselves to be lethal projectiles.
"There's no need for scientific analysis here—these guys are all dead," says Dr. Dorian as he steps up to the carnage that used to be three gel torsos. "There's no way somebody could've survived an explosion like what we saw with those playing cards at such close quarters."
The damage caused by Gambit's playing cards is devastating, but Team Green Arrow believe they have a weapon that can stop them.
"There's no doubt that those playing cards cause death," Black Canary admits. "But Gambit can't throw them if he's incapacitated by Ollie's bola.
The camera shows Green Arrow throwing a net-like object at a thug on a rooftop. When the object reaches the thug, the net wraps around the thug, trapping him.
The Bola: four iron balls attached to a square net, designed to stop the enemy dead in his tracks.
Black Canary grabs a bola from the table of Green Arrow's weaponry, and approaches our Deadliest Warrior experts. "Gentlemen, I have here for you Ollie's bola," she says. "When Ollie wants to ensnare his enemies rather than kill them, he throws this little number.
"How does it work?" asks Geoff.
"Basically, this weapon lets momentum carry it into the enemy," Canary explains as she gestures to the weapon. "The iron balls around the net allow the bola to spin through the air, and when it reaches its target, the net wraps around the body, entangling the foe and preventing escape.
The camera cuts to a shot of a large glass chamber. Around the edges of the chamber are three large metal doors, shut tight.
To test the bola's accuracy, Geoff sets up a special test for Black Canary using live targets.
"Okay, what's gonna happen is this: behind each one of these doors is a trained ninja," Geoff explains. "When I give the signal to release them, they'll come barreling out at you.
Geoff, Max, Dr. Dorian and Speedy now stand outside the chamber, with Black Canary inside with three bolas at the ready.
"Are you ready?" asks Geoff.
"Roger!" shouts Canary.
"Three, two, one—RELEASE THE NINJAS!" Geoff orders. The three doors are all opened at once, and the three ninjas come leaping out at the same time. Canary throws one bola at one of the ninjas, and the weapon wraps around the ninja's body, trapping him as he falls to the ground. Canary dodges a punch from the second ninja and throws a bola at his legs, ensnaring him. The third ninja tries to roundhouse kick Canary, but she skillfully dodges it and throws her last bola around the ninja's torso, making him a human cocoon. Within seconds, all three ninjas lie on the ground, squirming to break free of the bolas.
"Nice…" says Geoff.
The bola's accuracy is impressive, but it's not a killing strike.
Dr. Dorian steps into the glass chamber to analyze the damage. "Okay, you've tied this guy up pretty good, and he's not going anywhere," says the doctor as the ninja squirms and wriggles to try to break free from the net. "However, this is not a killing strike on its own—your enemy can still fight back if he's not completely incapacitated.
"Yes," says Canary, "but you've got to think that this weapon, when paired with another weapon like the broadsword, would incapacitate someone enough to actually facilitate a kill."
Canary isn't giving up, but the numbers don't lie. In medium-range weapons, Gambit's playing cards take the edge. But this match is only starting to get ugly—it's time to test each warrior's wicked close-range weapon.
Black Canary picks up a large sword from the table and holds it up to the light. "Yeah…this'll teach 'em."
Green Arrow's close-range weapon of choice is powerful, destructive, and dates back more than 500 years.
We see Green Arrow using his sword to knock down a criminal. He then presses the sword against the criminal's throat as a look of fear crosses the downed man's face.
The Broadsword—three feet of solid steel, perfect for hacking off limbs and breaking bones.
"Medieval knights used broadswords for their power and killing potential, and Ollie's broadsword is no different," explains Canary. "This thing can cause havoc, and then some."
To test the broadsword's killing potential, our team sets up a pig carcass, which has the same density and resistance as human flesh.
"Are you ready, Black Canary?" asks Geoff.
"Oh yeah!" Canary replies, standing at the ready with the sword.
"Three, two, one—CARVE 'EM UP!" Geoff screams. On Geoff's signal, Canary swings the broadsword at the hanging pig, almost cutting clean through it. She doesn't stop there, though—she keeps on slashing and hacking at the carcass, causing multiple lacerations and deep cuts. When she finishes, most of the pig is on the floor.
"Yeah!" cheers Max.
"You said you wanted carnage?" asks Canary. "You've got it…"
"No question about it, this is a killing weapon," says Geoff as he steps up to assess the damage up-close. "Look at this—you cut almost completely through that pig with your first swing!"
There's no question that the broadsword is lethal, but our Gambit experts have something they think is even better.
"Yeah, y'all sure made some good-ass bacon with yer little meat cleaver," says Lapin. "But Remy's weapon could block that thang in a heartbeat…
Gambit's weapon of choice is a specially constructed master of blunt trauma.
We see Gambit grappling with a crowbar-wielding criminal with his signature staff. He disarms the thief of the crowbar and bashes him in the head, spattering blood on the camera.
Gambit's Telescopic Staff: an extendable metal rod designed specifically for close combat.
Emil is now seen holding Gambit's staff with both hands as he begins to explain to the people at home how it is used.
"Remy's staff ain't just somethin' he picked up outta some hahdware store…it's a killin' weapon," explains Emil. "Ya kin extend this part here, deliver some carnage at a distance; or ya can jus' keep it the length it is now, and use it like a baseball bat to crack some heads open. Plus, ya kin block blows with this thing…broadsword can't do that."
To test the staff's reach, we've set up three blood-filled splatter balls at a distance of three feet, and three more at a distance of five feet.
Emil stands ready with the staff, wielding it like a club.
"Three, two, one—SMASH IT!" Geoff orders.
With one side swing, Emil smashes through the three targets at the three-foot range, destroying them all and spilling blood everywhere. He steps out a little further, and swings the staff in the opposite direction, annihilating the three balls set up at five feet.
Both warriors' close-range weapons are devastating, but which one has the edge?
"When it comes to Broadsword vs. Staff, I've gotta give the edge to the Broadsword," Geoff admits to his two buddies.
"I agree 100%," says Max. "The staff is a good bludgeoning weapon, but that's basically all it is. With the broadsword, it's one hit, one kill."
In close-range weapons, the edge goes to Green Arrow for the broadsword. But it's not over yet—Gambit and Green Arrow still have a few tricks up their sleeve that our experts each believe will give their hero the killing edge.
Th' beauty 'bout Remy's powers is that he can use anythin' to smash somebody's head in, as long as he can charge it up with energy," says Rogue. "An' Remy can charge up anythin' he can carry. Case in point…" Rogue reaches into her pocket and pulls out a handful of change. "…his own stackin' money.
Kinetic Pocket Change: money in the bank for delivering pain at a distance.
"Remy used this little trick ta' rescue our partner Storm once in a recon mission," explains Rogue.* "There ain't no reason why he can't use it again."
To test the power of the charged coins, our team heads outside and sets up another gel torso for our Gambit experts to take aim at. Just like the cards, each coin is rigged with a tiny explosive device that packs the same power as if Gambit charged the coins for one second. The explosive will go off when it makes contact with the target.
"Are you ready, Rogue?" asks Geoff.
Rogue, who is standing in front of the gel torso, nods as a response.
"Three, two, one—LET 'ER RIP!" Geoff yells.
Rogue throws the loose change at the dummy's body, causing a small explosion that rocks the area. When the dust settles, portions of the dummy's gel "skin" have been ripped open, and the area where the coins hit are visible due to the burn marks that surround them.
"Nice…" says Max.
But is the kinetic pocket change forceful enough to cause a kill?
Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage. "Okay, this guy's suffered some severe burns, some major trauma, maybe even some bleeding around the impact area," he admits. "But this is not a killing strike on its own. If you wanted to kill with that change, you'd have to hit the eyes, the mouth, the neck—something vulnerable that would be close to a major artery. And with these coins tending to spread several places, that's not easy to do."
Despite the carnage, Team Green Arrow seems unfazed.
"Well, well, well," says Speedy as he and Black Canary step up to look over the torso. "Looks like we have a little burn damage here. Green Arrow can take burns—he's fought fire-wielding villains before, you know…"
"To boot, Ollie's gonna have a shield," Canary explains. "Getting through that with your cute little coins is not going to be easy."
"Plus, who in their right mind throws away money?" Speedy wonders aloud.
While Gambit's special weapon is something extra he carries around, for Green Arrow, it's one of his main weapons used in an entirely different manner.
The camera shows Green Arrow smashing the Clock King in the head with his Longbow.
The Bow Staff: proof that you don't need arrows to kill with a bow.
"A longbow isn't just for shooting arrows," Speedy says to the Deadliest Warrior hosts. "This thing is made of rosewood, which is very durable, and if you want to smack somebody in the head with it, that's a definite possibility."
To test the bow staff's power, our team heads back inside, where they set up a fresh gel torso for Speedy to take a whack at.
"Are you ready, Speedy?" asks Desmoulin.
"Yes, sir!" he replies, standing at the ready with the bow in front of the fresh torso.
"Three, two, one…SMASH IT!" Geoff shouts.
On Geoff's signal, Speedy begins smashing the gel dummy with the Longbow. As the guys cheer him on, the first strike he makes dislocates the jaw, the second one bloodies the nose, and another strike smashes the ribs.
The results are staggering.
"I think we're all in agreement that a bow isn't just for launching arrows," Max laughs.
"Absolutely," says Dr. Dorian as he begins to examine the bloody torso. "That second strike you did broke this guy's nose, and the next one actually cracked multiple ribs. This guy is on the ground after a few seconds-still conscious, but unable to breathe. He's gonna die in a few minutes."
Despite the bow staff's surprising power, our Gambit experts don't buy it.
"Why the hell wouldja use a bow like that anyhow?" says Emil as he assesses the bow staff. "It's a bow! Use it like a damn bow!"
But for our experts, it's a no-brainer.
"In Kinetic Pocket Change vs. Bow Staff, I've gotta go with the bow staff," Geoff tells Max and Dr. Dorian.
"Absolutely," agrees Max. "It's more lethal, and it can be used over and over again. Edge goes to the bow staff."
In Special Weapons, Green Arrow takes the edge with his bow staff.
We see a montage of some of the weapons tests that have taken place in the episode.
With the testing now complete, Max Geiger now loads the data into a state-of-the-art computer program developed by Slitherine Studios, to determine the winner.
Long-range weapons edge: Both Gambit's Magnum Pistol and Green Arrow's Longbow
Medium-range weapons edge: Gambit's Kinetic Playing Cards
Close-range weapons edge: Green Arrow's Broadsword
Special weapons edge: Green Arrow's Bow Staff
To prevent the battle from being won by a single lucky shot, Max will simulate the battle a thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: direct…
We see Green Arrow fighting off criminals with his broadsword.
Versus deceptive.
We see Gambit sneaking up on a man and shooting him in the back with his pistol.
Steel arrows…
We see Green Arrow firing multiple steel-tipped arrows at the camera.
Versus explosive kinetic energy.
We see a close-up of Gambit charging up a playing card and throwing it at an attacking Avalanche.
A hero with a code of honor…
We see Green Arrow bowing his head over the body of a criminal he has killed, but not meant to do so.
Versus one who's not afraid to play a little dirty.
We see Gambit lying on the ground, playing possum, as a thief approaches, and then smashing him in the side of the head with his staff when he gets close enough.
Max Geiger is now seated at his trusty laptop. "I think we've got about all the data we need," he says to Geoff and Dr. Dorian, who are leaning on the table next to the computer. "What do you say we fire this sucker up?"
"Let's do it," says Geoff, nodding in anticipation.
"Lock and load…" says Max. He presses a button on the computer, and the screen goes all "Matrix-like", filling with a background of green-and-black binary code, which gives way to the battle scene.
The Battle
The setting is that of a city at twilight. Gambit is seen on a street corner, where he lights up a cigarette and begins to smoke. Unbeknownst to Gambit, Green Arrow is furtively watching him from a nearby alley on the opposite side of the street. He notches an arrow in his longbow and takes aim at Gambit's head. The arrow makes a "click" sound as it leaves the bow, and out of the corner of his blood-red eye, Gambit notices the green streak heading straight for his head. Just before the arrow would have pierced Gambit's skull, the mutant ducks, and the arrow strikes a brick in the building behind him. Glaring at the direction where the arrow came from, Gambit pulls a .44 Magnum pistol from his coat and fires several bullets into the alley. Green Arrow leaps out from the alley to dodge the gunfire, and the two heroes come face-to-face. Gambit points his pistol at his opponent, but Green Arrow sees this and fires an arrow at the pistol, lodging the arrow in the barrel of the gun and rendering it useless. Frustrated, Gambit drops his pistol, grabs a playing card from his coat, charges it, and throws it at Green Arrow. Green Arrow dives out of the way of the card just in time, shooting another arrow while leaping behind a parked car. Gambit dodges the arrow and launches another playing card—at the car's gas tank. The car explodes, launching Green Arrow to the side of the street where Gambit is. Gambit feels for another playing card, but Green Arrow quickly grabs his bolo and throws it at Gambit's legs, causing Gambit to lose his balance and fall to the ground. Green Arrow gets up, draws his broadsword and prepares to hack Gambit up, but Gambit throws some kinetically charged pocket change in Green Arrow's face, dazing the Emerald Archer for a few seconds. This is all Gambit needs to pull the bolo off and grab another playing card. Before Gambit can charge the card, though Green Arrow grabs his longbow and smashes Gambit in the head. Gambit shakes it off and grabs his staff. Green Arrow responds by retrieving his broadsword. The two exchange blows for a few moments. A slash from Green Arrow's sword catches Gambit in the leg, and Gambit winces in pain. Gambit smashes Green Arrow in the stomach with his staff before Green Arrow knocks Gambit back with a kick to the gut. He attempts to load an arrow, but Gambit charges up another card and throws it at him, knocking him backwards and into a parked jeep. As Green Arrow painfully tries to get to his feet, Gambit rushes forward and smashes Green Arrow in the head with his staff. Green Arrow bleeds from his nose as he slumps back onto the jeep. Gambit pulls an ace of spades card from his coat, charges it for a good five seconds, places it in Green Arrow's mouth, and then runs away. Unable to move, Green Arrow closes his eyes as he awaits the inevitable. The card explodes, and the jeep with it. In the smoldering wreckage, Gambit slowly approaches the jeep, where he finds Green Arrow's lifeless, badly burnt body. He takes a final moment to take in the gruesome scene before disappearing into the darkness of the night.
Winner: Gambit
"When I ran the simulation, Gambit emerged victorious in about 53% of the battles," explains Max. "It was definitely a close match, but Gambit was extremely lethal with his weapons at all ranges, while Green Arrow was lethal at only long and short-range."
But it was close. Out of a thousand battles, Gambit won 531 of them. His deadliest weapons were his pistol and playing cards, which both claimed almost as many kills as all of Green Arrow's weapons combined.
Gambit Kills: 531
.44 Magnum Pistol: 230
Kinetic Playing Cards: 216
Staff: 83
Kinetic Pocket Change: 2
Green Arrow wasn't far behind with 469 kills. His best weapon was his trademarked longbow, which netted him over half of his total kills. However, it wasn't enough.
Green Arrow Kills: 469
Longbow & Arrows: 274
Bola: 0
Broadsword: 173
Bow Staff: 22
"Before the testing started, I thought Green Arrow was going to win," admits Dr. Dorian. "But I guess Gambit just proved too scrappy to beat."
"Gambit is one of the dirtiest players in the game," says Geoff. "He's not afraid to use unconventional tactics that most superheroes won't resort to using, and that's why he kicked Green Arrow's ass."
"There was nevah any doubt in mah mind," Rogue says, smiling. "Mah sweet-cheeks can beat anybody that gets in his way."
"Remy won 'cause that crazy jackass's tactics work," explains Lapin. "Mistah Gay Robin Hood didn't stand a chance…"
"Am I disappointed? Absolutely," says Black Canary. "But Ollie's still the better man. I know the man I married, and he could beat that glorified thief Gambit any day of the week."
"I've got to admit, Gambit's pretty tough," confesses Speedy. "But I still think Green Arrow could beat him in real life—nobody makes Arrow look like a fool like Gambit just did.
We see Gambit, his red eyes glowing fiercely as he grabs a handful of playing cards, charges them with energy, and flings them at the camera as the show comes to a close.
*This occurred in X-Men Annual #3.
Well, there you have it. My first episode of Deadliest Hero/Villain. Please send me reviews—I'd love to know what you think. If you have any ideas for future match-ups between comic book heroes or villains, let me know. I need all the inspiration I can get. Next match: Jonah Hex vs. Ghost Rider. See you soon!