*NOTE: I do not own Deadliest Warrior, or DC, or Marvel Comics—if I owned any of them, I'd be filthy stinking rich. This story is completely fictional, and aside from the three Deadliest Warrior guys, (obviously) does not depict real people. Got any suggestions for future matches? Let me know—I take all suggestions into consideration.
All statements by the All-Seeing Narrator in this episode are in ITALICS.
Deadliest Hero: Jonah Hex vs. Ghost Rider
As the show begins, we see a man dressed like a cowboy, cocking a long rifle. His face is horribly disfigured on the right side.
Jonah Hex—battle-scarred bounty hunter of the Old West.
The camera shows Jonah Hex grappling with a man before kicking him into a barrel of water outside a saloon.
Another man comes into view. His body is completely on fire, and his face is just a skull. He's wielding a large chain, which like him, is on fire.
Ghost Rider—flame-cloaked motorcyclist who sold his soul to the devil, and later regretted his actions.
The camera shows Ghost Rider riding his flaming motorcycle through the streets of a city at night, swinging his flaming chain in the air.
WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?
We now see a montage of comic book-themed weapons being tested.
To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…
THE DEADLIEST HERO!
The title sequence ends, and we find ourselves in the fight club.
Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech battle zone that transcends the boundaries between the Marvel and DC comic book universes. Here, we've gathered together scientists, physicians, heroes, and a weapons arsenal that would make a comic book nerd salivate. It's all to create a battle between two legendary heroes—Jonah Hex, lethal Wild West sharpshooter of the DC Universe, versus Ghost Rider, flame-charged demonic cyclist of the Marvel Universe.
Jonah Hex Stats
Real Name: Jonah Woodson Hex
Ht: 5'11"
Wt: 189 lbs
Gear: 16 lbs
Armor: None
Superpowers: Expert marksmanship
Ghost Rider Stats
Real Name: Johnny Blaze
Ht: 6'2"
Wt: 220 lbs
Gear: 25 lbs
Armor: Hellfire
Superpowers: Superhuman strength, control of hellfire
Karate black belt and biomedical expert Geoff Desmoulin will set up the mechanisms to track the lethality of each hero's arsenal of weapons.
"Today, we're dealing with two lethal anti-heroes from opposite comic book universes," explains the biomedical scientist. "On one hand, we have Jonah Hex, one of the most deadly sharpshooters known to the DC universe. On the other hand, there's Ghost Rider, who's almost impenetrable to gunfire. This should be a great match-up."
E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will survey the damage each weapon inflicts.
"I'm used to seeing burn wounds in my field of work," says the doctor, "but the kind of fire used by Ghost Rider is different. This kind of fire not only scorches skin, muscle and tissue, but it also destroys the soul. That kind of trauma can't be measured."
Computer programmer Max Geiger will input the data into a battle simulation program to determine once and for all who is the Deadliest Hero.
"I've had to tweak the program a little bit for this one," admits Max. "In the Marvel universe, Ghost Rider is immortal, but for this one-on-one fight, we're taking away that immortality to prevent this from being a completely one-sided fight."
The camera shows a sinister-looking man with brown hair and a neatly trimmed brown beard and mustache. He's holding a long rifle.
Representing Jonah Hex: international terrorist and assassin Ra's al Ghul. Ra's is an expert Jonah Hex historian, and knows many aspects of Jonah's life and legacy.
"Like myself, Hex sought to rid the world of impurities", Ra's hisses. "I believe he could have done a slightly better job of it, though—biological warfare did exist in Hex's day…"
We also see a young woman with shoulder-length nappy blonde hair, wearing a hodgepodge blue-and-pink outfit. She's pointing two revolvers at the camera.
Also representing Jonah: member of the Road Reapers Stiletta. Stiletta met Jonah during his trip to the future, and developed a close relationship with the rogue gunfighter.
"Every hero in the world idolizes Jonah for pioneering the superhero ways," says Stiletta. "This Ghost Rider guy has no chance whatsoever."
Jonah Woodson Hex was born in 1838 to an alcoholic father and a prostituting mother. Sold into slavery by his own father, he lived among an Apache tribe for several years. After returning to his tribe, he accidentally killed the chief's son in a duel, and was branded on the right side of his face with a hot tomahawk, leaving his trademark scar.
"Jonah Hex was, without question, the greatest gunfighter and close combat specialist in history," brags Ra's. "No one else comes close."
But our Ghost Rider experts believe that Hex is in over his head.
We see a young man with brown hair and green eyes. His right hand catches fire as he stares at the camera.
Representing Ghost Rider: brother and former comrade Danny Ketch. Endowed with the hero's same powers, Ketchwas Ghost Rider for a time, so he knows the powers of the troubled man firsthand.
"I know Johnny personally," says Ketch, "and there's no way he's gonna be taken down with a simple gunshot. Hellfire blocks all bullet wounds, end of story."
We also see a young woman wearing a red hood and a tattered green gown, with a bandolier, gun belt, and twin katanas at her side. She wields a modern-looking rifle.
Also representing Ghost Rider: Sister Sara, a powerful heroine known to many comic book fans as the second Caretaker.
"Blaze is surely among the most powerful heroes in the world, if not the most powerful," says Sara. "He's armored with the ungodly fire of hell from head to toe, and though I despise it, it would definitely protect him from gunfire."
When stunt cyclist Johnny Blaze's father contracted a terminal illness, he sold his soul to the devil to save his father's life. When his father died anyway, the demon Mephisto was recruited to hunt down Blaze and collect his soul. From that day forth, Blaze became a man on the run, battling evil and making sure he did not get captured by the forces of darkness.
"I have made certain that Blaze does not go to hell for the rash decision he made so many years ago," says Sara. "But he chose the lifestyle he lives now because he does not want people to make the same rash decision he did. Among the pantheon of heroes, this is surely the most admirable quality."
But how would the Marvel Universe's best-known and most-feared vigilante fare against a man many DC heroes consider to be the predecessor of many modern hero tactics?
"Up front, I actually have to go with Jonah," Geoff admits. "He may have slightly outdated weapons, but they're hard-hitting, and he's lethal up close with his short-range weapons."
"I definitely have to go with Ghost Rider," predicts Geiger. "I think the hellfire that surrounds his body will be more than enough to protect him from most of Jonah Hex's firearms, plus there's the fact that the fire can be used as a deadly projectile."
Ghost Rider's primary weapon comes straight from the depths of hell.
The camera shows Ghost Rider launching balls and bursts of fire at groups of people.
Hellfire: guaranteed to char-broil the opponent straight into the Seventh Circle of Satan's domain.
Danny Ketch and our Deadliest Warrior guys are now standing in the middle of the fight club as Ketch begins to explain all about hellfire. "Gentlemen, I give you…" Ketch's hand suddenly spontaneously combusts. "…hellfire."
"Whoa…" says Max, in awe at the display.
"Johnny's entire body is completely engulfed in this," explains Ketch, "and it serves as both armor and a great projectile weapon as well."
"Now, we've seen flamethrowers tested on this show before," says Geoff, "and we know the extent of fire damage. Tell us what's different about this fire."
"This isn't just fire…this is hellfire," Ketch emphasizes. "It doesn't just burn skin, bone, and everything else in its path—it cuts straight through to the soul."
"I can only imagine the pain that causes," says Max.
"Indeed," replies Ketch.
To test the hellfire's lethality, our team heads outside and sets up a target for Danny to take aim at—a ballistics gel torso with the same mass and density as human flesh and bone.
Outside on the sandy, barren firing range, Ketch stands about twenty feet away from the set-up torso, while the others wait behind a protective barrier and look on in anticipation.
"All right, on my word," instructs Geoff from behind the barrier. "Danny, are you ready?"
"Yes, I am!" Ketch says.
"Three, two, one—FIRE IN THE HOLE!" exclaims Geoff.
Ketch holds both his hands in front of him and produces a massive amount of hellfire, shooting it straight at the gel torso. After about five seconds, he stops, and the damage is assessed. The only thing left of the almost-completely melted gel torso is a scorched portion of the chest still barely hanging on to the steel pole used to support it.
"HELL YEAH!" whoops Geoff.
The damage is devastating.
"That hellfire is by far one of the deadliest weapons we've seen on this show!" exclaims Geoff. "Look at this guy—you've practically melted him!"
"If Jonah can't get out of the way of this, he might as well just pack it in now," admits Max.
"Yeah, where are those Jonah Hex guys?" says Ketch, looking around for Ra's and Stiletta before they appear onscreen. "You see this?"
"Pshaw," says Ra's, shaking his head. "Hex would dodge that in a heartbeat."
"You can see that fire coming," observes Stiletta. "The weapon Jonah has, you won't even be able to see it."
"Are you kidding me?" says Ketch, rolling his eyes.
The Ghost Rider experts kick off the battle with a killing strike, but our Jonah Hex team is ready to return fire with a deadly weapon that Jonah used to kill many a man.
We see Jonah gunning a man down with two ivory-handled pistols.
Jonah's Dual Colt Revolvers: death of a higher caliber. A .45 caliber, that is.
Stiletta grabs two identical ivory-handled revolvers from a table and brings them to the Deadliest Warrior team, handing one to Geoff Desmoulin. "Feast your eyes on Jonah's twin Colts, boys," she says.
"Look at that ivory handle," says Geoff as he admires the pistol's craftsmanship. "This is a beautiful gun."
"Beautiful…and deadly," Stiletta adds.
To test the lethality of the Colt revolvers, our team heads outside, where numerous mannequins have been set up for Stiletta to take aim at.
"Stiletta, are you ready?" Geoff asks from behind the protective Plexiglas barrier.
"Oh yeah!" Stiletta says, pointing the guns at the targets before her.
"Three, two, one—FIRE!" Geoff orders.
On Geoff's signal, Stiletta fires the dual Colts at the three mannequins. Every bullet strikes a target, and when all twelve rounds have been fired, blood and bullet holes litter the mannequins.
Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the massive damage.
"Let's take a look here," says Dorian as he heads over to the first foam mannequin. "This shot to the head, instant kill. You've shot this guy under the armpit and in the liver—he's gonna die in a few minutes. This third one, you've shot at exactly the spot where the superior vena cava is—that's one of the main blood vessels leaving the heart, and he'll bleed out and die in about ten seconds."
"You can see now why Jonah loved these things," says Stiletta. Geoff and Max nod in agreement as Danny and Sara come over to the mannequins and survey the damage.
But despite the damage, our Ghost Rider experts aren't impressed.
"Well, this is all fine and dandy with an unarmored, normal person," says Ketch. "But there's one little problem…what was it? Oh, yeah…Johnny's cloaked in flames! There's no way those bullets will penetrate that hellfire!"
"Care to back that up, Mr. Tough Talk?" asks Stiletta.
"Bring it on…" says Ketch.
To make the tests a bit more realistic, our team sets up another mannequin, wearing a flame-retardant suit and lit up with hellfire.
Ketch lights the mannequin up, then runs out of range of the gunfire. Once Geoff gives Stiletta the signal, she fires several bullets at the target, and when she finishes, it looks like very minimal damage has been done.
When tested against hellfire, the Colts lose a lot of their firepower.
The hellfire on the mannequin has now been put out, and Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.
"Okay, that hellfire really did its job," says the doctor. "I don't see many bullet marks on this guy at all. The only one is right here, on the neck—that in and of itself is an instant kill. However, you'd have to hit it in just the right spot, and with that hellfire cloaking the shoulders and possibly even obscuring your vision with the brightness, that isn't easy."
"See?" mocks Ketch. "You guys talk all about the legendary Colt pistols, and look what happened."
"Hey, I shot the guy in the neck!" retorts Stiletta. "Even though he was armored by that hellfire, it's still not completely foolproof. I think we've just found a kink in your little suit of armor!"
But which medium-range weapon is a more efficient killer?
"So, which weapon gets the edge between the hellfire and the Colts?" Geoff Desmoulin asks his two buddies.
"Hellfire, all the way," Max replies. "Those Colts barely made a dent in that dummy cloaked with hellfire. But the hellfire absolutely melted that gel torso, plus there's the fact that it can cause severe trauma on someone's soul."
"No question about it," says Dr. Dorian, "hellfire, one hundred percent."
In medium-range weapons, the edge goes to Ghost Rider for the hellfire. But the testing is far from over—our experts now unload with each warrior's most powerful firearm. And Ghost Rider wields a powerful firearm that has proven time and time again to be a difference-maker.
We see Ghost Rider mowing down a group of people with a very well-known assault rifle.
The M16 Rifle—an assault firearm that outperforms the AK-47 in terms of accuracy.
Sara picks up the jet-black rifle from a table, and approaches our three hosts as she elucidates its properties. "All right—this is the M16 rifle. This rifle is accurate, powerful, and regularly used by the United States military. Blaze wouldn't be caught without a firearm like this one."
"We've seen numerous assault rifles tested on this show, including the AK-47," says Geiger. "How does this compare against the AK?"
"For one thing, it's a lot more accurate," Sara explains. "Also, it can fire a lot more bullets in a shorter period of time. Johnny could well get his hands on an AK-47, but he prefers an accurate weapon—something like this."
To test the M16, the team heads back outside and sets up several fresh targets for Sister Sara to demonstrate upon.
"Are you ready, Sara?" Geoff asks.
Sara, who is positioned in front of the field of foam mannequins, nods in response.
"Three, two, one—CHOP 'EM UP!" Geoff exclaims.
On Geoff's word, Sara opens fire with the M16. Bullets spray out of the rifle like a fountain, riddling the four mannequins before her. Finally, after about twenty seconds, the bullets stop, and the mannequins are barely recognizable.
"Put down the rifle, doctor coming through," says Dr. Dorian as he steps in to assess the gory damage. "Okay, looks like you've almost cut this guy in half. Three shots to the gut, right in a row, this is a kill. Mannequin #2…shot to the head, this is a kill. These other two right here—this guy is in a lot of pain, but because you only shot him in the arms and shoulder. It's painful, but it's not a kill. And the last guy? You shot him in the armpit and the side of the waist. He'll die in about an hour, but he can still fight back."
"All I can say is that those two must have the Lord on their side," Sara says, "because normally, this rifle would've destroyed everything."
Ghost Rider has a deadly long-range weapon, but our Jonah Hex experts believe that Hex has something better.
We see Jonah firing a long rifle at another man, killing him instantly.
The Winchester Rifle: revolutionary when it was introduced, and deadly when it's fired.
The team is still outside, and Ra's al-Ghul has a Winchester rifle in his hands. He begins to explain the weapon to Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian:
"Gentlemen, this is the Winchester rifle. This firearm was a groundbreaking concept when it was first introduced in the mid-1800s in the United States."
"How was it groundbreaking, exactly?" Geoff inquires.
"For the first time, a person could get sufficient multiple shots from a rifle," says Ra's. "One could load the barrel with ammunition, and get up to sixteen shots from a single firearm."
"But how does this stack up against the M16?" asks Max.
"This rifle is more accurate than the M16, and also has a longer range," Ra's brags.
Our experts have set up several targets for Ra's to prove his points, set out at a longer distance than the M16's targets.
"Ra's, are you ready?" Geoff asks.
"Indubitably," says Ra's, already pointing the Winchester at one of the targets before him.
"Three, two, one—GUN 'EM DOWN!" Geoff yells.
On Geoff's signal, Ra's fires the Winchester at the targets, hitting every one of them dead-center. He's very quick with his shots, and every one of the bullets he fires hits a target. When he finishes, Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.
"This is amazing," the doctor observes. "All of these shots are instant kills. You've hit several of them in the heart, several in the lungs, a few in the neck—they would allkill. That Winchester is one of the best-performing rifles I've ever seen."
Despite the Winchester's spot-on accuracy, our Ghost Rider experts don't seem all that impressed.
"Sure, you were accurate," Sara admits, "but the M16 has about 200 years experience on its side. Plus, we've got many more bullets to use."
"Yes, but you wasted nearly half of them trying to annihilate your damn targets," Ra's hisses.
"Well, we can afford to waste bullets with the rate we fire them," Ketch retorts. "That proves that our M16 is better.
"Hey—he hit every one of his targets dead-center," argues Stiletta. "You can't get much better than that!"
But to determine which rifle is deadlier, it's up to our experts.
"In the case of M16 vs. Winchester, we have two out of four kills vs. four out of four," says Geoff. "Plus, with more blast behind it, the Winchester actually could do damage to a hellfire-cloaked opponent. So I'm gonna grow a pair and give my edge to the Winchester."
"I actually agree with you," Max admits. "The Winchester's just a tad more accurate, it's longer-range, and it has the potential to do more damage in the long run. The M16 may be able to fire more rapidly, but Jonah Hex is a great marksman, and could take this one with his Winchester."
For long-range weapons, Jonah Hex takes the edge with the Winchester rifle. With the score now one apiece, our experts now turn their attention to the heroes' melee combat styles. In Ghost Rider's case, this involves his signature weapon.
We see Ghost Rider swinging his chain around, hitting multiple people standing around him.
Ghost Rider's Enchanted Chain: seven feet of flaming metal swung for maximum impact.
Ketch, who is holding Ghost Rider's chain, and our Deadliest Warrior team are now standing in front of a group of mannequins. Ketch begins to explain about the chain:
"What I have here is the signature weapon that Johnny used to dispatch many foes time and time again. This chain is special because it bends to Johnny's will, so it'll go wherever he wants it to."
"So it's like a psychic chain, almost?" asks Max.
"In a manner of speaking, yeah," Ketch says, nodding.
We now see Danny standing inside a ring of hanging clay pots with the chain in his hand.
To test the chain's power, we've set up numerous hanging targets at various distances around Ketch.
"GO!" Geoff orders.
On Geoff's signal, Danny swings the heavy chain at the clay pots. Within six seconds, he has broken twelve pots, leaving only one still barely hanging.
"Nice…" says Geoff.
"Well, I think we're in agreement that that's a strong weapon, but from what I saw, it's pretty slow," Geiger admits. "Is there any other way that chain can be used?"
"If you set up another gel head for me, I'll show you a little surprise," says Danny, smiling.
The team obliges, and another gel torso is set up for Danny. He stands about six feet in front of it with the enchanted chain.
"Ready, Ketch?" Geoff asks.
"You know I am!" Danny replies.
"Three, two, one—GO!" Geoff signals.
On "go", Danny charges the chain up with hellfire. Then, flaming links from the chain launch at the gel torso, causing lacerations with burn marks around them on the torso. As if by magic, the pieces of chain then return to Danny and the chain reforms in his hand.
"Ho-ho-holy shit!" Max shouts.
"I was not expecting that!" admits Geoff.
The detachable pieces of the chain are deceptively deadly.
"Look at this," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the destroyed torso with his gloved hands. "You've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight places where those chain links hit, and they all caused a lot of damage. There's a shot to the belly, numerous shots to the neck, and a couple even hit where the heart is right here. This, coupled with the fact that the chain is on fire, would be a kill shot."
The enchanted chain is a deadly weapon, but our Jonah Hex experts believe they have something that is much better.
We now see Jonah fighting with a man in a Union Civil War uniform, and stabbing him through the neck with a long, sharp sword.
The Cavalry Saber: a curved sword designed to block, slice, and stab in quick, unhindered fashion.
Ra's is wielding a large cavalry saber as he begins to explain to our three experts about the sword:
"Gentlemen, I have for you a standard Civil War cavalry saber. This was equipped to soldiers from both Union and Confederacy to use in close quarters, or when their ammunition ran out for their firearms."
"Now, we've seen many swords tested on this show," says Geiger, "and this looks a lot like a pirate's cutlass."
"Yes, it is very similar to a cutlass," says Ra's. "It's designed to slash in close quarters and do massive damage when it's swung."
To test the saber, our team sets up the closest thing to human flesh—a pig carcass.
"Ra's, are you ready?" Desmoulin asks.
"Indeed," says Ra's calmly as he stands before the hanging pig.
"Three, two, one—SLICE IT UP!" Geoff orders.
Ra's swings the saber at the pig carcass, leaving a huge gash in the side of the body. He continues slashing and stabbing the pig for a few seconds, and blood pours out of the wounds he makes. To finish, he swipes at the pig's leg, severing it completely and leaving the pig hanging by only one front leg.
"Yeah!" Geoff shouts.
"Okay, sword down, doctor behind you," says Dr. Dorian as he steps up to examine the pig. "This is absolutely a kill shot. You've gone deep into the chest with your first strike, and caused massive trauma with your other shots. But what I'm impressed with is the fact that you've severed this leg—if you had a little more momentum behind your strike, you could probably cut straight through a person's arm just like this."
Despite the cavalry saber's killing potential, Team Ghost Rider is unfazed.
Ketch picks a piece of the pig up off the floor. "Pork chops, anyone?"
But which weapon has the killing edge? Our experts are divided.
"In the case of Chain vs. Cavalry Saber, I've gotta go with the saber," says Geoff. "It's lighter, faster, and can be used in a lot closer quarters than the chain can."
"No way," argues Dr. Dorian. "I have yet to see any blunt trauma weapons perform as well as that enchanted chain did. It's massive, it obeys Ghost Rider's will, and the links can be detached to become deadly projectile weapons."
"I can see both of your points," says Max, "so I'll let the computer decide."
Max inputs the results into the computer. It's a close call, but the edge goes to Ghost Rider and his chain. But our Jonah Hex experts aren't giving up—Jonah had one more weapon designed to deliver massive carnage to his enemies.
The camera shows Jonah grappling with a man, kicking him back. When the man comes back, Jonah stabs him in the stomach with a huge knife.
The Bowie knife: a mountaineer's tool perfect for slicing meat—or human flesh.
Stiletta picks up the large knife from a table, and approaches the Deadliest Warrior hosts.
"Fellas, this is a Bowie knife," she says. "This could well be one of the finest close-quarter weapons ever devised."
"We've seen the Bowie knife tested before, and to me, it seems like overkill…" Max admits, thinking back to "Jesse James vs. Al Capone".
"'Overkill'?" Stiletta angrily remarks. "This thing can decapitate a man in one swipe!"
To test the Bowie knife, our team sets up a gel torso for Stiletta to take aim at.
"Are you ready?" asks Geoff.
"Ready!" Stiletta yells, standing knife at the ready in front of the torso.
"Three, two, one—STAB IT!" Geoff instructs.
When the signal is given, Stiletta takes the Bowie knife and plunges it into the torso's chest, causing blood and innards to spill out when she removes it. She then slashes it across the gut several times, and finishes up by almost decapitating the torso.
"Yeah!" Geoff shouts. "That's how it's done!"
At such close proximity, the Bowie knife can cause massive damage.
Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage as Stiletta steps back a few more feet from the torso. "Okay, you don't have to be an expert to figure out that this is a killing blow," he says. "The first strike you did, you hit the chest. That would hit the heart, and that's an instant kill. The next shot hit the stomach, and you spilled the intestines with it. That would cause major bleeding, and the guy would die in a few hours. The next shot to the neck is without a doubt a kill—you cut the jugular, the subclavian artery…that knife is a deadly close-range weapon."
"Plus, it's a hell of a great throwing weapon, too…" Stiletta says as Dr. Dorian steps back from the torso. She throws the knife at the torso, lodging it in the side of the chest she didn't slice open.
But our Ghost Rider team isn't packing it in yet.
"Well, that's all fine and dandy," says Danny, "but it's no good if you can't get close enough."
"And do you honestly think you'll be able to do that with that God-forsaken hellfire?" Sara adds.
And Ghost Rider has a secret weapon up his sleeve that just might be able to bring Jonah Hex to his knees.
We see Ghost Rider locking eyes with one of his enemies. After a second or two, the man begins clutching his head and screaming in pain.
The Penance Stare: a deadly fixing gaze that inflicts pain equal to all the suffering the victim has caused in his lifetime.
Ketch now stands in an open part of the fight club, empty-handed, along with our three Deadliest Warrior hosts.
"Uh…where's your weapon?" Geoff asks, confused.
"Right here…" Danny says, pointing at his eyes. "Johnny uses a tool called the Penance Stare to take down his enemies. He locks eyes with them, and they feel every ounce of pain they have caused to anyone else in their entire lives."
Geiger: That has to be one of the most f***ed-up ways to die…
"You're not kidding," Desmoulin agrees. "And with as many men as Jonah Hex killed during his lifetime, that's gonna cause massive pain, if not instant death."
A man dressed in an all-black ninja costume is led into the building, and he stands about three feet in front of Ketch.
To test the Penance Stare, our team brings in a living target—a trained ninja who has hurt many people over his career of stunt work.
"Let me know when..." Ketch tells the hosts.
"Three, two, one—STARE HIM DOWN!" Geoff shouts.
Ketch locks eyes with the ninja and glares at him. Within two seconds, the ninja grabs his head and begins screaming in pain. He eventually falls on the floor, convulsing uncontrollably.
"Holy crap, man…" says Geoff as he, Max and Dr. Dorian stare at the writhing ninja.
The Penance Stare completely incapacitates the ninja.
"If this is used by a person who has wronged or even killed many people, it's possible that the Penance Stare can even kill that person," explains Ketch.
"Like I said," begins Geoff, "with as many men as Jonah Hex has killed, it's gonna cause massive damage, and could even cause death."
Both special weapons are deadly, but which one will get the edge?
"I hate to do it," says Geiger, "but I think I have to give it to Jonah's Bowie knife. The Penance stare is only good if Jonah looks Ghost Rider straight in the eye."
"Agreed," says Geoff. "With the Bowie knife, you don't have to make eye contact to use it. Edge, Bowie knife."
For special weapons, the edge goes to Jonah Hex for the Bowie knife.
We now see a montage of some of the weapons that have been tested in this episode.
With the testing complete, Max Geiger now loads the results into a battle simulation program that will determine, without a shadow of a doubt, who is the Deadliest Hero.
Long-range weapons edge: Jonah Hex's Winchester Rifle
Medium-range weapons edge: Ghost Rider's Hellfire
Close-range weapons edge: Ghost Rider's Enchanted Chain
Special weapons edge: Jonah Hex's Bowie Knife
To prevent the battle from being won by a single lucky shot, Max will simulate the battle one thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: 21st-century…
We see Ghost Rider blowing away a group of demon-possessed assailants with his M16 rifle.
Versus 19th-century.
We see Jonah Hex blowing an assailant's head off with his Winchester.
Hellfire…
We see Ghost Rider throwing a blast of hellfire at the camera.
Against flesh.
We see Jonah Hex dueling with another man with his cavalry saber, slashing him across the chest with it.
"It's time to decide once and for all who the Deadliest Hero is between these two," says Max, now seated in front of the computer. He turns to Geoff and Dr. Dorian, who are leaning up against the computer table in anticipation. "You guys ready?"
"Fire it up, my friend…" suggests Geoff.
Max presses a button on the computer. The screen goes all "Matrix-like", filling with a background of green-and-black binary code, which gives way to the battle scene.
The Battle
The setting is a small town in the Old West. The sun is going down, and tumbleweeds blow across the dusty streets as Jonah Hex emerges from a saloon. He looks around, expecting trouble to appear at this time of day. Sure enough, he spots a bright, flaming object on the horizon heading toward town. After a few minutes, Ghost Rider pulls up in front of the saloon on his flaming motorcycle. He dismounts the bike, and looks up to see Jonah Hex standing outside the saloon's swinging doors, eyeing the flame-cloaked cyclist with suspicion in his eyes. As Ghost Rider slowly reaches for his M16 rifle, Jonah pulls one of his Colt revolvers from his side and shoots Ghost Rider in the chest. Ghost Rider's hellfire blocks the shot, but the demonic cyclist does flinch from the impact of the bullet. Ghost Rider grabs his M16 and fires several warning shots at Jonah's feet. Townspeople scream and run for cover as Jonah leaps out of the way just in time, rolling off the porch of the saloon and into an alley nearby. Jonah runs for the back of the saloon as Ghost Rider dismounts his motorcycle and chases after Jonah, wielding his M16 and enchanted chain. As Jonah reaches the back door of the saloon, he grabs his Winchester rifle and cavalry saber, which he left behind the saloon beforehand. Ghost Rider appears behind the saloon and throws several flaming links from his chain at Jonah, hitting the cowboy in the leg and chest. Jonah doubles over in pain, clutching his chest. Ghost Rider approaches Jonah, but when the flaming hero gets within three feet of the Western maverick, Jonah gets up, and slashes the scorching man across the gut with his saber. Johnny Blaze reels back in pain as Jonah Hex tries to hit him with two more shots from his Colts. One bullet hits Johnny's stomach and is negated by the hellfire, but the other strikes him in the left leg, causing him to favor it. Jonah rushes at Blaze and tries to tackle him, but the flame-cloaked hero grabs Jonah and throws him over his shoulder, sending him crashing into a nearby wooden barrel. Jonah recovers quickly and fires a shot from his Winchester, blowing Ghost Rider back several feet and dazing him. Ghost Rider is now injured, but still very much alive. Jonah enters the back door of the saloon, but Ghost Rider is right behind him. As the two make their way through the hallway, Jonah turns around and fires a single bullet from his Colt, but Ghost Rider is unaffected. Ghost Rider pushes Jonah Hex through the door leading to the bar room of the saloon, destroying the door and sending Jonah flying into and destroying a table in the bar room. Everyone who hasn't already scrambles out of the saloon as Jonah gets up and barrels toward Ghost Rider, but Ghost Rider throws him behind the bar with a blast of hellfire. Clutching his abdomen in pain, Jonah Hex stands up from behind the bar, pulls out his Bowie knife and throws it, hitting Ghost Rider in the left shoulder. Hissing in pain, Ghost Rider pulls out the knife as Jonah grabs his Winchester and points the rifle at the fiery stranger's head, intent on killing him. Suddenly, Ghost Rider lifts his head and locks eyes with Jonah Hex. Jonah suddenly drops his rifle, clutches his head, and starts screaming in agony—the Penance Stare has been used on him. As Jonah falls to the floor behind the bar and screams in pain, Ghost Rider regains his composure, approaches the bar, and looks over it. Jonah looks up from the floor, and the last thing he sees is Ghost Rider holding his arm out and smiling. Ghost Rider fires a huge blast of hellfire behind the bar, completely engulfing Jonah in demonic flames. In the flaming wreckage of the bar, we see Jonah's lifeless, smoldering body with a look of horror permanently affixed on the dead hero's face. Ghost Rider walks behind the bar, kicks Jonah's body to make sure he's dead, grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, and takes a celebratory swig. He then exits the saloon, climbs back on his motorcycle, and rides away.
Winner: Ghost Rider
"Ghost Rider emerged victorious in about one-third of the battles in our simulation," Max explains. "What really made the difference is the fact that Ghost Rider's hellfire armed him against most of Jonah's gunfire. Jonah wasn't armed at all, and that cost him dearly in this battle."
Ghost Rider was the clear winner in the simulation, racking up 664 kills, most of it coming from his deadly hellfire.
Ghost Rider kills: 664
M16 Rifle: 160
Hellfire: 285
Enchanted Chain: 144
Penance Stare: 75
Jonah Hex only claimed 336 kills. His best weapon was the Winchester rifle, but it wasn't enough to destroy Ghost Rider.
Jonah Hex kills: 336
Winchester Rifle: 185
Dual Colt Revolvers: 115
Cavalry Saber: 24
Bowie Knife: 12
"Given the fact that Ghost Rider's got more modern weapons, plus the hellfire that covers his body, I'm not at all surprised that he won this match," says Geoff.
"I'm actually surprised that Ghost Rider won such a high percentage," Dr. Dorian admits. "I guess it boils down to the hellfire—it not only made a nasty weapon, but a great set of armor, too.
"No surprise," Ketch brags. "Nothing can get through hellfire. Jonah Hex didn't stand a chance."
"Perhaps we relied a bit too heavily on firepower instead of close combat…" Ra's admits.
"Jonah Hex is a great hero," Ketch adds. "He's just not in Ghost Rider's league. Sorry…better luck next time, guys…"
We see Ghost Rider revving up his fiery motorcycle before screeching away into the sunset as the show comes to a close.
Chapter 2 is officially finished, and Marvel is now 2-0 against DC. In our next match, we'll venture into the villains' realm, as Juggernaut takes on Gorilla Grodd. See you then!