Disclaimer: Again, Stephenie Meyer owns the characters other than Anya and Killian
Yup, another chapter.
Thankfully, no one has bitten my head off, which is good because I kind of like it where it is.
Things are moving along for our three boys but it's not going to be smooth sailing, but I think you guys knew that.
Anyway, if I say anything more, I'm going to give something away.
We stayed at the park for another hour or so before Killian got bored of playing and ran back over to us. He asked if Jasper was coming back to our house and he looked at me, clearly asking permission. I gave him a small nod and he grinned down at Killian, saying that he would love to.
The squeal that accompanied that was the only answer we needed.
Following tradition, Killian turned to me, arms in the air and I picked him up, settling him on my hip as Jasper fell into step beside us. He gave me a smile, seeing how Killian automatically relaxed into me as we walked.
Killian chatted about nothing really but we both listened with smiles on our faces. I thought that he was going to throw a tantrum when we said that Jasper had to drive his own car to our house. He pouted and stomped his foot when we told him that but I raised an eyebrow at him, giving him what Anya called my 'daddy-bitch-brow' and he scrambled into the back of the car. I strapped him into his seat, closing the door and turning to face Jasper.
He gave me a watery smile as he waved at Killian before giving me a small smile, his fingers brushing my own gently as he turned, walking to his car which was parked a couple of cars down from mine.
I took a deep breath, climbing into the car and pulling out of the parking space I'd taken.
"Is Papa coming to our house for lunch?" Killian asked and I could see him trying to turn to see if Jasper was following us.
"Sit down in your seat, Killian." He sat down immediately, knowing that I was serious if I used his proper name rather than either a shortened version or his nickname. He knew that sitting still in the car was a must but obviously the excitement of meeting Jasper had made him forget that. "And yes, Papa is coming to lunch at our house for lunch."
"Yay!" He clapped, his feet wiggling as he sat there. I couldn't help but smile at his reaction, happy that he wasn't reacting adversely to the news that he'd been given today.
"So . . . are you happy that he's here?" I asked, hoping to get an honest answer from him.
"Yeah." He grinned at me again, knowing that I could see him in the rear-view mirror when I glanced up. "Now I has two daddies. No one else does."
"That's right. You're really special." I smiled at him as he giggled. "So, do you like him?"
"He's alright. I don' really know him." He shrugged and I laughed. "Does he like me?" He sounded very small with those four words. He looked unsure, sitting there in his car seat and I felt my heart breaking.
"Of course he does, Peanut. You know what?" He shook his head, biting his lip. "I'd bet that by the time he goes home today, he'll love you."
"Really?"
"Really really." I smiled as he sat back in his seat, looking happily out of the window at the passing buildings. I was happy that he wasn't upset about what had happened today and I hoped that he would remain as calm and happy as he was now.
We pulled up to the house and I parked in the driveway, making sure that there was room for Jasper to park comfortably before I climbed out of the car and unstrapped Killian. He hopped out of the car and we made our way up the steps to the front door. Just as I unlocked the front door, Jasper pulled into the driveway, swiftly parking and climbing out of the car.
"In you go." I eased Killian inside, waiting for Jasper as he walked up the steps. I held up a finger, nodding for him to come inside. "Right, why don't you go and get that coat and shoes off and go wash up for lunch, okay?" I said to Killian and he nodded, looking up at Jasper. "Papa and I are going to have a quick chat in the kitchen while you wash up, okay?" He nodded before running upstairs. "Hold the hand rail!" I called and his steps immediately slowed as I knew he'd reached out for it. I nodded once before walking into the kitchen, taking off my jacket and hanging it up on the coat rack. "You can take your jacket off."
He seemed to startle out of his little trance before blushing and unzipping his jacket and hanging it up.
"Sandwiches okay with you?"
"Sure," he gestured with his hands that he would be happy with whatever he was given and I smiled, turning to the fridge and taking out some chicken I'd cooked the previous night and some mayonnaise, salt, pepper and some lemon. "Chicken mayonnaise?" He asked with a grin and I nodded. "Anything I can do to help?" He asked and I gestured towards the breadbin, telling him he could butter the bread while I made the filling.
"Jasper," I sighed, dumping the chicken I'd cut up into a bowl. He hummed, turning to look at me. "I um . . . I uh . . . I need you to be careful around Killian." He looked confused as he stopped what he was doing. "This isn't coming out right." I chuckled. "I don't want anyone brought around Killian that . . . I don't want . . . your boyfriend . . ."
"What boyfriend?" He asked, looking confused.
"The guy from the coffee shop?" I raised an eyebrow and he laughed, shaking his head.
"He's not my boyfriend. He's one of my assistants . . . well, as of Monday, my only assistant. Not my boyfriend." He smiled, his eyes full of laughter.
"Your assistants make a habit of calling you babe?" I asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly and he chuckled again, shaking his head.
"This is going to sound really conceited but . . . I have a lot of people that know who I am." I nodded, understanding that because of the publicity of his company, he would be well known. I just stayed away from everything that pertained to Jasper because it hurt too much to think of him. "I have people after me because of my money. Demetri is there to kind of . . ."
"Act as a deterrent?" I offered and he nodded.
"He's generally there to make sure that people don't get too close and try to get their hands on my money." He shrugged and I nodded, understanding how that could be a necessity. "He's nothing more than my assistant, Edward. He's never been anything more and he never will be. Well, other than a friend but you get the idea." He looked at me, his eyes never wavering. "I promise."
"Okay." I nodded, continuing to cut up the chicken and put it in the bowl.
"I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Especially bring someone else around him. I know I've only known him an hour or so but . . ."
"You love him already." I smiled and he nodded, turning back to the bread he was buttering.
"I done!" We both looked around to see Killian standing there, waving his hands at us, clearly looking for approval.
"Can you get onto his stool?" I asked Jasper and he looked at me, clearly nervous but I nodded towards Killian, encouraging him. Now that the two of them had been introduced, I wanted Jasper to know what it was like being involved with a four year old. He gave me a small smile before turning and addressing Killian.
I mixed up the rest of the chicken mayonnaise as Jasper lifted Killian onto his stool, strapping him onto the booster. I had made sure to get him a booster seat with a strap because the child could not sit still and would no doubt slide off at a moment's notice.
The two of us worked alongside each other to finish the sandwiches and I pulled out some juice, setting it and two glasses on the table. I grabbed a plastic cup and set it on the table for Killian, filling it half way with apple juice before setting it in front of him and placing his sandwich down in front of him.
He quickly dug in and I chuckled as he practically devoured the sandwich. "Killian, chew." He looked up at me, his cheeks puffed out like a hamster. H nodded, chewing slowly and swallowing. I nodded, placing a plate in front of Jasper as well. He grinned at me and I remembered how much he loved my chicken mayo sandwiches. He'd beg me for them until it bugged me so much that I'd give up and make him one. He could always tell if it was store bought mix or mine and sometimes, it was just annoying.
And from the look on his face, he liked them as much now as he did then.
"Mmm . . . amazing." He moaned, looking sheepish as he realised Killian was at the table. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head, silently letting him know not to worry about it. "Still incredible."
"I try." I shrugged, smiling to myself.
The rest of lunch was eaten in silence and Killian was the first to disappear after he finished. No doubt he was running upstairs to find some of his toys and drawings to show Jasper.
Jasper let out a breath as he placed his plate next to me, leaning on the counter. "Am I . . . am I doing okay?" He whispered and I looked up at him, wiping the plates off in the sink.
"You're doing fine." I assured him and he looked at me, relieved. "It's going to take time for the both of you to get to know each other. It's not going to happen in a couple of hours but you'll get there."
"You've done an amazing job with him, Edward. I don't know how you did it."
"I've made mistakes." I shrugged, taking another plate and washing it off. "Every parent does and I can guarantee that the both of us will make more. There'll be tantrums and arguments and there's nothing we can do to stop that. There'll be times when he's screaming that he hates us and calling us everything under the sun, though I hope that doesn't come for a while. No parents are perfect but we learn as we go. Some things are more of a struggle than others. You have no idea how long it took me to convince him that boys' pee standing up."
"You're kidding me?" He chuckled, shaking his head and I held my hands up, covering him with water and bubbles. I laughed as he blew bubbles off his nose, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Sorry." I chuckled and he shook his head, grabbing a towel and wiping his face with it. "But yes, he fought me on it, saying that he wanted to sit down."
"How did you convince him?" He asked, moving back towards the island.
"I told him that only girls pee sitting down. Of course, that started him off on the fact that he wasn't a girl," he looked towards him and he grinned.
"And so you told him that if he wasn't a girl then she shouldn't pee sitting down."
"Uh-huh." I grinned, placing the last dish on the rack as a sharp sting hit my ass and I jumped away from it. I turned around to see Jasper standing there an innocent grin on his face. Yeah fucking right. That boys' never been innocent. "What the fuck was that?"
"That was payback for the bubbles." He smirked and I spied the towel in his hand. Bastard.
"That," I pointed at him, the gesture losing its effect as my hand was still covered in bubbles, "was an accident."
I rolled my eyes, turning back to the washing up, making quick work of the glasses and things I'd used to make lunch. "Better not bruise."
"I remember, you bruise like a peach." He chuckled and I sucked in a breath. Was I ready to go there with him? I wasn't sure about that. "I have a question while the munchkin is still hunting for . . . whatever it is he's hunting for up there." I glanced at him as I wiped my hands on the towel I'd managed to grab back from him. I gave him a look that said 'shoot'. "Why the tattoo?"
"What?" Why did he have to ask about that? Out of all the questions he could have asked, why did he have to ask about the tattoo I had done. Why did he even have to notice it?
"Why the tattoo?" He walked over to me slowly and I pressed myself back into the counter. He stopped in front of me, bringing his finger up to push aside the collar of my shirt, exposing the tattoo I had over my heart. "Why 'broken'?" He asked, his voice soft.
"Once it's been broken by everyone you loved and trusted, you need a little reminder to keep it protected." I whispered softly and he closed his eyes, his head bowing slightly before he looked back at me, his eyes full of what looked like pain.
"I will never begin to show how sorry I am, Edward." I placed a finger over his lips, silencing him.
"Don't." I shook my head, looking away from him. "Not now. I know we need to talk but . . . not now." He nodded. His lips pressed against my finger for a moment before he moved away from me. I let out a breath, running my hand through my hair.
"Edward?" I turned to look at him to see that he was unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. I felt my eyes widen as I glanced at the doorway, just waiting for my boisterous four year old to run into the room with whatever he'd found and see his Daddy and Papa in the kitchen, his Papa with his shirt open. He was at the stage where he was repeating everything he saw and heard which did not bode well for this situation.
"Jasper, what are you doing?" I whispered harshly, glancing at the doorway again.
"Showing you something." He stated solemnly, pulling down the left side of his shirt, exposing a tattoo above his heart. My breathing stuttered as I saw what was written there.
'Mi Petardo'
I walked over to him, running my finger over the lettering.
"My firecracker." He whispered and I looked up at him, unable to form words. I think he knew what I was trying to say because he gave me a small smile. "When someone works their way into your heart and won't leave, you need something to remind you not to let them go."
I blinked, trying to get rid of the tears that were starting to build. I moved away from him as I heard little footsteps making their way down the stairs. I turned to face the doorway and saw a load of papers fluttering around followed by a small 'oops'. I couldn't help but laugh as I moved away from Jasper and towards the doorway, looking up to see Killian standing there, staring at the papers on the floor.
I saw that they were the drawings that Killian had done at day care over the last few weeks. The way he was staring at the papers made me think that he believed that he could make them appear back in his hand with only the power of his mind.
"You okay, Peanut?" I asked and he looked at me. I chuckled at his expression as I walked over to him as he stood on the stairs. I held out my arms for him and he practically jumped at me. Thankfully, I was used to this so I was able to catch him with ease. I turned to see Jasper standing there, shirt buttoned, thank god, watching with amusement and something else.
"That was impressive." He chuckled and I shrugged as I settled Killian on my hip.
"You get used to it." I laughed, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "I think someone needs a haircut soon." He looked up at me, his eyes wide as he shook his head. I nodded, raising an eyebrow and he pouted at me. I knew that he would put up more of a fight when it came to it but I was relieved he didn't whine right now.
Maybe I would let Jasper deal with that.
That could be interesting.
Jasper bent over, picking up the papers that had fluttered everywhere. "And what are these?" He asked, looking at Killian who burrowed his head into my chest, apparently embarrassed now that Jasper had the papers in front of him. "Well, whoever did these is really good." That got his attention and he looked up at him. "Did you do these?" He nodded, his head resting on my shoulder again. "Well, I'm jealous."
"Why?" His eyebrows furrowed as he watched his newly acquired Papa look through his pictures.
"Because I would love to be able to draw this good." He held up a picture that he'd done of the two of us in front of the house. I smiled, knowing that Jasper was making sure that Killian didn't get embarrassed about his pictures as he normally did.
Jasper himself was an incredible artist. The drawings he had done in the past were so lifelike it was unbelievable.
"Really?"
"Yeah." He grinned at him, looking through the pictures. "These are so good."
Killian grinned up at me and I couldn't help but return it as we walked through into the living room. I placed Killian down on the sofa before I made my way over to the bookcase, pulling out one of the photo albums and handing it to Jasper. I nodded towards it when he looked at me with a curious expression on his face.
He opened it, a small gasp escaping his lips. The first few pages were dedicated to scan photos, showing Killian as he developed inside me. There were also pictures that Anya insisted on documenting as my stomach swelled, proof of the little boy that was in there.
"Wow," he looked up at me as he turned the page. "I hate to say it but you were huge." He laughed and I chuckled, nodding along.
"I know." I ran my fingers through Killian's hair and he looked up at me. "Which one is that?"
"Um . . ." he looked for the date on the picture, "January 5th 2008." I nodded, knowing that that was two days before I'd had Killian, the day Anya had come up with her infamous 'Rogers' nickname. "That can't have been comfy."
"No, it most certainly was not. I had indigestion, heartburn, constantly needed to pee, was nauseous ninety per cent of the time and this one," I tugged his hair gently and he scowled up at me, "was constantly either kicking the heck out of my kidneys – so much so I thought they'd never work properly again – or wedging his foot underneath my ribs and stretching."
"Ouch." He cringed and I nodded, smiling down at Killian as he looked between the two of us, clearly confused.
He spent the next few minutes flipping through the album. That particular one only spanned the first six months of Killian's life as there were so many people taking so many pictures.
"He was so tiny." He whispered, running a finger down one of the pictures.
"He sure didn't feel it." I chuckled and he followed suit.
"From the first pictures, he didn't look it." He chuckled and I nodded along.
"I thought for sure he was gonna be like nine, ten pounds at least. He was only five fifteen and nineteen inches." I rested my head on my hand as my little man clambered onto my lap. He looked over at Jasper and whacked the seat next to me on the sofa. He looked at me, questioning and I nodded, letting him know that it was okay.
He stood up, making sure that he had the paintings Killian had brought down the stairs to show him.
"Tha's me." He grinned at the two of us and we smiled down at him.
We sat there for a while looking through the pictures and I told Jasper the stories behind them. I could hear the stuttered breathing as we looked through the pages and I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. Whether they were of happiness at seeing the pictures or regret at missing out on actually being there, I wasn't sure.
As we sat there, I was aware how familiar and easy this was. Sitting there, laughing at baby Killian and four year old Killian pouting at the many pictures he didn't like was so easy it was as though it had always been this way. It was like we were a family reminiscing at past times.
And that thought made my chest tight.
Could I risk opening myself up to Jasper again?
Could I risk the heartbreak that could come with it?
I wasn't sure.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Mi Petardo - My firecracker.
I used Google translate for that so if it's wrong then I'm sorry. Not fluent in Spanish so if I offend anyone with the bad translation . . . blame Google.
Let me know what you think.