Halo Combat Evolved Screwed Up Version

I'm back from spring break now I can continue with the story. I need to say something to you guys before I continue with the story. I'm going to make master chief talk more because he's sort of boring when he doesn't talk much. Shit, I'm talking too much now on with the story.

Chapter 2 The Pillar of Derp Part 2

The cryo pod door opened and master chief jumped out.

Chief said, "What's the situation?"

One of the guys said, "You need to go to see the Captain."

Chief yelled, "Oh heeeeeeeeell no, I hope he won't talk about how much he wants to have sex with Cortana!"

Chief thought about it for a moment and said, "Okay, I'll go."

The other guy yelled, "Oh God their trying to get through the door!"

Then the door blew open and there was an elite shooting his plasma rifle.

Then he screams saying, "SECURITY, EHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!"

He died.

Then the guy said, "Sam, SAM! Come on we got to get the hell out of here."

Then he opens the door while chief is following him.

The guy yelled, "This way!"

They were running down the hall then the guy blew up from an explosion.

The chief said to himself, "Shit I guess I have to do this myself."

The chief ran and ran while the covenant kept shooting at him and the other people.

He finally made it to the bridge.

The chief said to Captain Keys, "Hi."

Keys said, "Nice to see you did I ever tell you how much I want to fuck Cortana?"

Chief said, "Yeah like a billion times. Now what's the problem?"

Keys said, "Thing aren't going well Cortana did her best but, we never really had the chance."

Then Cortana appears and says, "A dozen covenant ships against a single ship cruiser. With those odd we'll make that three or four kills."

She turns to chief and chief said to himself, "Now I want to fuck her because she's so hot."

Then Cortana said, "Sleep well."

Chief hesitates then answered, "Uh, Yeah"

Cortana answered back, "So you did miss me."

The chief said to himself again, "Hell yeah."

And continues talking to himself, "Oh my God I'm getting horny."

Then the ship shakes horribly knocking everyone down except master chief because he awesome.

Keys yelled, "REPORT!"

Cortana said, "It must have been one of their boarding parties."

Then the guy who's driving the ship yelled, "Fire for the control main cannon is offline!"

Cortana said shockingly, "Captain the cannon was our last defensive option."

Keys said, "Shit! Well, Chief get Cortana off this ship I'm tired of being horny."

Chief said confused, "Okay?" Keyes handed chief a pistol that had no ammo in it.

Then Chief left the bridge.

Blue letters now plez