Hi guys—miss me? Hard to believe it's been almost a year since I've updated this. Sometimes real life takes precedence, unfortunately. Anyhow, let's get to it!
NOTE: I don't own Marvel, DC, or Deadliest Warrior—if I owned the latter; the show would never have been cancelled. Everyone in this story is fictional save the three DW hosts. Any questions or suggestions can be PM'd straight to me. You have my word that I will get back with you.
Anything spoken by the Narrator (known to 300 fans as David Wenham) is henceforth in ITALICS.
Deadliest Villain: HYDRA vs. H.I.V.E.
As the show begins, we see a man in a green jumpsuit accentuated with yellow lines, a green helmet, and goggles with red lenses. He fires several rounds from a light machine gun at the camera.
HYDRA: the despicable terrorist organization who will stop at nothing to reshape the world in their own image.
We see a group of HYDRA troopers opening fire on a group of police with various firearms.
We now see another man in a black-and-gold uniform with an 'H' on the front, and a gold helmet with large blue eyeguards. He points a futuristic-looking yellow-and-black gun at the camera.
The H.I.V.E.: the covert criminal organization bent on eliminating the world's superheroes one by one.
We see a team of H.I.V.E. troopers locked in hand-to-hand combat with some members of the Teen Titans.
WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?
We now see a montage of various weapons being tested.
To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the villains' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two villains went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Supervillain vs. Supervillain. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…
THE DEADLIEST VILLAIN!
As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves in the old familiar fight club.
Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech battle arena where the very foundations of space and time intertwine, causing reality and the comic book world to meet. Here, we've assembled scientists, doctors, computer experts, and a weapons arsenal for the ages. It's all to create a true-to-life battle between two legendary covert organizations: HYDRA, the dastardly group hell-bent on establishing a fascist new world order, versus the H.I.V.E., the covert cult-like organization determined to rid the world of its superhuman protectors.
HYDRA Stats
First appearance: 1965
Allegiance: Baron Strucker
Gear: 10 lbs
Armor: Combat helmet, shielded goggles
Members: Approximately 5,000
H.I.V.E. Stats
First appearance: 1980
Allegiance: Queen Bee
Gear: 12 lbs
Armor: Kevlar helmet, goggles
Members: Unknown
Biomedical scientist Geoff Desmoulin rigs the mechanisms that will test each weapon and tactic.
"Today, we have two very secretive criminal organizations facing off against one another," Desmoulin says. "Most of what these guys are all about is shrouded in mystery, but today, we're concentrating solely on the weapons and armor these guys use."
E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will analyze the killing power each strike possesses.
"These guys use some nasty weapons, so I've got a feeling I'll be getting my gloves out for pretty much all the tests today," Dr. Dorian tells us.
And computer programmer Max Geiger will input all the data into a battle simulation program to simulate a 5-on-5 battle between the two factions.
"Not much is known about these two factions that we're pitting against one another today," Geiger explains. "As such, we're relying on what our experts tell us, and we'll plug this into the computer and run it a thousand times. I'm sure we'll get a close fight out of this one."
We now see a muscular, bald African-American man with a patch over his left eye*. He's wielding a shotgun, firing several rounds at targets off-camera.
Providing tactical analysis for HYDRA: Nick Fury. Nick is the head of a covert government organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D., which deals with superhuman threats like HYDRA.
"HYDRA ain't afraid of anybody," Nick tells us. "They're absolute psychos that will kill you with no remorse for what they do."
We now see a beautiful woman with flaming red hair dressed in a black leather outfit. She swings a long sword at the camera.
Testing HYDRA's weapons is current S.H.I.E.L.D. operative and assassin Black Widow, who has crossed paths with HYDRA on many occasions.
"HYDRA is one of the most secretive groups of opponents I've ever faced," Black Widow says. "They will stop at nothing to kill their opponents."
Instructed by criminal mastermind Red Skull to form a fascist power base in the Far East, Baron von Strucker developed a partnership with a Japanese subversive group which eventually grew to become HYDRA. After World War II, the group attempted to overthrow world governments and destabilize currency markets, but was apparently destroyed by S.H.I.E.L.D. HYDRA reformed, however, taking a much more terroristic approach to their policies, utilizing everything from kidnappings to biological warfare.
"There's a reason they're called HYDRA," Nick explains. "Just like the Greek monster, if you cut off one head, there's three more that grow back in its place. You just can't kill it!"
That's news to our H.I.V.E. experts, who say that they'll be chopping off and burning HYDRA's heads today.
We see a young woman with dark brown hair inspecting a table full of firearms.
Representing the H.I.V.E.: Talia al-Ghul. Talia is a former member of the villainous organization, and knows their tactics and strategies well.
"The H.I.V.E. is deadly because they function like their namesake," Talia explains. "There's a leader—a queen, if you will—and hundreds of drones, whose only purpose is to serve their leader, fight, and if need be, die for their organization."
We now see a burly African-American man with numerous robotic parts all over his body. He's inspecting a light machine gun.
Testing the H.I.V.E.'s weapons and tactics: Cyborg. A former member of the Teen Titans, Cyborg has fought the H.I.V.E. before, and is very familiar with their fighting styles.
"The H.I.V.E. fight as a unit," Cyborg explains. "They function just like a swarm of bees—if you kill one member, there are about fifty or sixty more waiting to blow your brains out."
Not much is known about the history of the H.I.V.E., which stands for Hierarchy of International Vengeance and Extermination. Some sources claim that it was formed by a man known only as the H.I.V.E. Master, who gathered together many villains and criminal scientists. Their goal: to take over the world by eliminating the world's superheroes. The H.I.V.E eventually grew to be a force to be reckoned with, recruiting such famous villains as Gorilla Grodd and Deathstroke.
"HYDRA has no chance today," Talia boasts. "The H.I.V.E. will destroy them because they are the most elite of the elite…they don't fight for themselves, they fight for the good of the organization."
Both of these teams have members that would die for what they feel is a greater cause, but which one would come out on top in a five-on-five foot-trooper battle? Our experts have differing opinions.
"My initial edge goes to HYDRA," Desmoulin says. "They've been around longer, and they've got some nasty in-close fighting styles."
"I don't know much about either of these two groups," Dr. Dorian admits. "But if there's one thing I've learned, it's to expect the unexpected on this show. So in this case, I'm going with the fresh and the new, and that's the H.I.V.E."
Both these groups are incredibly secretive, and not much is known about what kind of weaponry and fighting styles they utilize. However, one of the most-confiscated weapons from HYDRA is a deadly long-distance killing machine.
We see a group of HYDRA troopers firing on a group of armed police officers with machine guns.
The Stoner 63 Light Machine Gun: a gas-operated monster that mows down anything in its path.
Our experts are outside on the firing range, and Fury has the Stoner in his hands as he explains to the guys about its benefits:
"This is a tried-and-true weapon that we've confiscated off HYDRA many times," Fury explains. "It's not the most modern machine gun, but Strucker once owned a portion of the Dutch firm that manufactured these in the late 1960s, so he could get 'em cheap and distribute them to his workers."
"This indeed looks like a formidable LMG—you could probably use it as an assault rifle, too," Geoff observes. "But to get an accurate measure of its true power, we need to see it in action."
To test the Stoner, Geoff sets up a test of accuracy and speed. Fury will attempt to take out six targets at increasing distances.
"Alright, Fury, we've got six foam targets out there," Geoff says, pointing at an area off in the distance with several plywood hiding areas. "Some are stationary, and some are gonna pop up behind those structures we've built. You'll be timed, and we'll see how long it takes you to take 'em all out."
Fury only nods as a response.
We now see Fury with the Stoner 63, ready to advance on the targets in the test. Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian are standing off to the side.
"Alright, Fury, we'll start the timer when you advance on 'em," Geoff says. "Three, two, one—have at it!"
On Geoff's word, Fury heads toward the plywood structures and guns down a stationary foam target positioned behind a plywood wall in a volley of bullets. He keeps going and shoots another stationary target in the head, then empties his 20-round magazine on a third, moving target. He ducks behind a plywood wall as he reloads his gun with another 20 rounds, then heads out again to finish off his targets. He hits the fourth overall and final stationary target a few seconds later, and cuts the final target in half with bullets as it crosses behind a low plywood wall.
"Time!" Geoff shouts when Fury defeats the last target. "1:22—okay, nice job!"
An impressive time, but did Fury kill all his targets?
"Well, this first guy's been hit several times right above the heart—that's almost certainly a kill strike," Dr. Dorian says as he and the team examine the targets. "Next guy…well, his head's been blown clean off, so that's self-explanatory there. And this third guy has two shots in his neck; that's gonna bleed like spit, and if he doesn't stop it, he'll die in a few minutes. Let's go over here and look at these last two."
They all head to the far end of the target range to look at the final two targets. "Okay, great work—let's actually look at the last guy you hit here," Dr. Dorian begins. "You sprayed him right across the abdomen, almost cut him in half. This guy's a dead goner. And this other guy, you hit right in the side here multiple times, right in the liver. This isn't an insta-kill, but that's about the only good thing about it. As a doctor, I can tell you that giving this guy a liver transplant would be the only thing we could do to save his life, and if he doesn't get to a hospital like right now, he's dead."
"Four definite kills and one mortal wound," Geoff says. "Not bad at all."
Despite the impressive showing, our H.I.V.E. experts aren't worried.
"Pretty nice shooting," Cyborg says. "But we've got an LMG that makes that thing you're holding look like a toy."
We see a H.I.V.E. trooper firing a round from a machine gun into an innocent bystander, killing him instantly.
The M249 Light Machine Gun: a variation of a Belgian weapon, guaranteed to cause havoc wherever it goes.
Everyone's still on the firing range as Cyborg begins to explain the perks of the M249 to Geoff and Max:
"This gun was manufactured in Belgium," he says. "It's gas-operated, air-cooled, and it's very quick to change barrels if it overheats."
"The M249 is also used by U.S. Armed Forces, if I'm not mistaken," Geoff says. "But let's see if it can stack up to what the Stoner did."
Cyborg is standing at the front of the same area Fury used for the Stoner 63's target testing, the M249 loaded and ready to go.
"Alright, Cyborg, you've got the same targets Fury had," Geoff shouts. "You'll be on the clock, so make it count. Ready?"
"Ready!" Cyborg shouts.
"On three, two, one—GO!"
On Geoff's word, Cyborg rushes toward the plywood area, mowing down the first target in a volley of machine gun fire. He advances into the maze of plywood, taking out another stationary target a few seconds later, and blows a moving target's head completely off with another blast of gunfire. He ducks behind a low plywood wall to reload the empty gun, taking several seconds less than Fury did with the Stoner 63, then pops back up to mow down the remaining two targets with a shower of bullets.
"Time!" Geoff shouts. "Okay, 1:05! You beat Fury's time, but let's check the targets to see how many you killed."
Everyone moves in to assess the damage.
"Okay, this first guy has about five or six bullet holes in his chest, so that's a given," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the torsos. "Next guy…right through the heart, that's also an insta-kill. Guy #3—well, he has no head anymore. Moving on…"
Everyone heads to the opposite side of the course to examine the last two targets. "Well, you didn't have to advance on these targets as much as Nick did, but you actually did more damage than he did. This first guy has two wounds in his stomach, three in his chest, and one right through his eye—he's done like dinner. And this last guy, you hit him about three times, but this shot right to his neck would go right through his trachea, his larynx, and right out the back of the neck. This guy's also dead."
"Five kills out of five," Max says, nodding. "Impressive shooting."
"No sweat, fro-boy," Cyborg replies, ruffling the smaller Geiger's hair.
Both machine guns pack a deadly punch, but which one will give its team an edge in combat?
"The Stoner's a little lighter, and it's less prone to jamming," Geoff says. "However, I think that's where its advantages end. The M249 has higher-caliber bullets, can hit from a longer distance, and it takes less time to reload. So in this case, I think I have to give a very slight edge to the M249."
It's unbelievably close, but the edge goes to the H.I.V.E. for the M249. But this match has only just begun, as our factions now pull out their close-quarters weaponry. And HYDRA soldiers are often known to carry a weapon originally introduced by Baron Strucker himself.
We see a HYDRA soldier stabbing a police officer through the neck with a long machete-shaped sword.
The Falchion Sword: a three-foot blade that can hack a man's head off with a single swipe.
Black Widow holds the sword in her hands as she explains to Geoff and Dr. Dorian its benefits.
"This is an eastern European weapon that Baron Strucker always carried around with him," Black Widow says. "He mass-ordered them in the 1970's, and now even the lowest-ranking grunts of HYDRA own one."
"That's certainly a nasty-looking weapon, and you certainly make it look all the more intimidating," Geoff says, flirting slightly with Black Widow. "Let's go test it out and find out if it can live up to its appearance."
The falchion will be tested on the closest thing to human flesh: a pig carcass.
"Are you ready?" Geoff asks.
"Ready!" Black Widow says as she stands before the hanging pig with the falchion at the ready.
"On three, two, one…GO!"
On Geoff's signal, Black Widow swings the sword at the pig, leaving its hindquarters hanging from the carcass. She keeps hacking away at the pig, slicing open its chest and stomach, spilling out entrails and blood onto the floor with every slash. To finish up, she thrusts the sword through the pig's neck.
"Whoa!" Geoff shouts as Max and Dr. Dorian look on at the carnage.
"That…was impressive," Dr. Dorian says as he inspects the pig. "Just one swipe of that sword cut the pig's spine in half—that takes a lot of force. And look at this thrust through the neck: severing the jugular and carotid. This sword is an effective killing weapon."
Cyborg and Talia now enter the scene. Cyborg is shaking his head.
"Well, who walks around with swords these days?" he says. "That thing's like, what, four or five feet long? The H.I.V.E. troopers would see that coming a mile away!"
"Plus, they've got a weapon that's much smaller, but just as deadly," Talia affirms.
The H.I.V.E. rely on a weapon half the size of the falchion for close-quarters combat.
We now see a H.I.V.E. trooper sneaking up behind a S.H.I.E.L.D. officer and slicing him across the throat with a long knife.
The V-42 Stiletto: an 18-inch carbon steel blade that can slice through flesh like butter.
Talia has a V-42 in her hands as she stands opposite the DW hosts and explains to them its benefits.
"This is a go-to tool for many H.I.V.E. troopers. It's lightweight, easily concealed, easily cleaned, and can cause impressive destruction."
"We've tested a retractable version of the stiletto on our show before," Geoff says, "and though it seemed impressive at first, it came up short in our simulation. Would you care to prove us wrong this time?"
Talia only nods and smiles.
Our team brings in a ballistics gel torso to see what the V-24 can do.
Talia stands in front of the gel torso, awaiting Geoff's signal.
"Three, two, one, SLASH IT!"
On Geoff's word, Talia slices the gel torso across the neck with the knife, cutting its jugular vein and causing blood to spill from the wounds. She then jabs the torso in both eyes with the V-42, and finishes by stabbing the unfortunate gel-man in the chest, leaving the knife embedded there.
"Awesome!" Geoff and Max shout as Dr. Dorian steps forward to assess the damage done.
"Alright, no question about it—this guy's dead," the doctor says. "You cut right through the jugular with your first slice there, and that would cause him to bleed out very quickly. Then you jabbed him in the eyes, and that would cause massive hemorrhaging and eventual death. Then, this strike—right through his heart, that's an insta-kill without a doubt. Nice job, Talia."
Despite the carnage done by the V-42, Team HYDRA seems unimpressed.
"Yeah, nice showing, but who says the H.I.V.E.'s gonna be able to get close enough to use that knife?" Fury asks.
"HYDRA would cut their head off with this falchion before they could even say 'oh, sh**," Black Widow taunts.
Falchion or V-42 Stiletto: which blade takes the edge?
"No question," Max says. "Falchion, all the way."
"Agreed," Geoff says. "I think we learned our lesson with Stiletto vs. Bowie Knife. Bigger and more lethal beats out smaller and more concealable any day of the week. Edge to the Falchion."
For close-range weapons, the edge goes to HYDRA for the falchion sword. But our villains have yet to unveil their signature medium-range firearms. And for HYDRA, nothing dispatches enemies better than:
We see a HYDRA trooper firing at a group of oncoming S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives with a pump-action shotgun.
The Remington 870 Shotgun: an American-made pump-action gun perfect for blowing an enemy to kingdom come.
Geoff, Dr. Dorian and Max are now back outside on the firing range. Fury and Black Widow stand on one side of them, and Cyborg and Talia are on the other. Fury holds the Remington in his hands as he begins to explain its perks:
"This gun? Most people use it for sport shooting, but it's been confiscated off captured HYDRA personnel time and time again," he says. "It's lightweight, easy to load, and definitely packs a punch when it hits."
"We've had firsthand experience with the Remington on the show before, and it definitely does pack a wallop," Geoff says.
The H.I.V.E. also have a powerful shotgun at their disposal.
We now see a H.I.V.E. trooper opening fire on a group of police officers with a pump-action gun of his own.
The Mossberg 500 Shotgun: an age-old tool for destruction used by the U.S. Army…and international terrorists.
Cyborg stands on the other side of the team with the Mossberg as he elucidates on why it's 'better' than the Remington:
"This gun's also used for sport shooting," Cyborg says, "but it's also used by law enforcement and the U.S. military. It's pump-action, uses several calibers of bullets, and can hit from a longer distance than the Remington."
"We've seen the Mossberg in action on this show, too," Max says. "But we've never had the two go head-to-head before. This should be really interesting."
We now see a team of stagehands setting up a series of targets on the range.
To test the two shotguns, we've set up a series of increasingly tough targets for our experts to take aim at.
"Alright, we'll be testing your accuracy and killing power with each shotgun," Geoff says to Fury and Cyborg. "We've given you each 16 shots. First, we'll measure accuracy—you'll load the gun, stand behind that platform there and take aim at those eight blood-filled splatter balls in front of you, forty yards away. Next, you'll reload, move to the area next door, and try to take out five targets with the shots you have left."
First, Commander Fury takes aim with the Remington 870.
"Ready, Nick?" Geoff asks.
"Always," Fury replies.
"On three, two, one—FIRE!"
On Geoff's word, Fury begins firing at the eight blood-filled splatter balls in front of him. He aims for the smaller ones first, only taking out two, but he hits all four of the larger ones. He then quickly reloads the gun and heads over to the other side of the range, where he takes aim at the five ballistics gel torsos standing before him, emptying all eight of his shots on the five torsos. When he's finished, the gel torsos hardly resemble human bodies at all, and there's blood and gel strewn everywhere.
"WHOO HOO!" Max shouts. "Awesome!"
The power of the Remington speaks for itself.
"Okay, not bad," Geoff says as he examines the results of the target test first. "You took out all of the large balls and half of the small balls. Let's see how you did with the gel bodies—whoa, these first two guys literally have no head anymore. Moving on, you can see the huge cavity in the third one that I can actually fit my fist in, and these last two have received multiple injuries to the gut and chest. These guys are all dead, no question about it."
Next, Cyborg steps up to the plate with the Mossberg shotgun.
"Ready, Cyborg?" Geoff asks.
"Ready!" the half-robot hero replies.
"Three, two, one—FIRE!"
As soon as Geoff says 'fire', Cyborg unloads with the shotgun, taking out all four of the large splatter balls, and three of the smaller ones. He then reloads and moves over to the ballistics gel bodies, where the scene is very similar to Fury's performance with the Remington. Blood, gel and pieces of synthetic bones fly everywhere as Cyborg blasts the torsos, and when he's finished, four torsos are significantly destroyed, and one literally has half its body gone.
"YEAH!" Geoff cheers.
"Alright, go!" Max agrees.
The Mossberg also proves to be a formidable tool of destruction.
"Alright, very nice," Geoff says as they all head in to examine the carnage. "You went seven out of eight on the target test, one more than Fury did. And the gel bodies—well, just by looking at them, I can tell these first four would definitely be dead. And the fifth? Um…"
"Yeah, we gotcha," Max says as he picks up a piece of gel from the now-headless and chestless gel torso.
Both guns are powerful, but which shotgun is a better killer?
"I can't decide which one is better here," Geoff admits to his two buddies. "Both guns are quick and efficient at killing their targets, and they're both pretty accurate for close-range firearms. They're literally neck-and-neck."
"I'm with you," Max says. "These two weapons are equally effective in the heat of battle. I'd call it a draw in this case."
For medium-range weapons, the villains are dead-even. But there's still some fight left in both factions, as HYDRA and H.I.V.E. unleash their most secret and deadliest weapons of all. And for HYDRA, this just might be the deadliest weapon known to the Marvel universe.
We see a group of HYDRA soldiers throwing a grenade filled with red powder into a large room, and then retreating. A few seconds later, everyone in the room is on the floor dead.
Death Spores: execution by inhalation.
The team, along with Black Widow, is now standing in front of a table filled with HYDRA's weapons. Black Widow has a small, tightly sealed vial of red powder with her.
"This may well be the most deadly weapon ever devised by humankind," she says, handling the vial carefully. "These Death Spores are a potent virus that work like a nerve agent on steroids. Anyone ever heard of Novichok?"
Dr. Dorian nods. "Novichok was invented by the Russians in the 1970's, and it's one of the deadliest biological agents ever. Basically, it causes all the muscles in your body to contract at once, and that leads to cardiac arrest and death."
"Normally, Novichok would take about three minutes to kill someone," Black Widow says. "The Death Spores take about five seconds."
"That's incredible," Max says. "So incredible that I don't know if we can even test something that dangerous on this show."
"I think I may have an idea," Geoff says. "Come on."
Geoff leads the team to a small glass container, about the size of a large fish tank. The tank is filled with several potted plants, as well as a robotic arm holding a tiny vial of Death Spores.
Geoff has designed a unique test for the Death Spores that won't endanger anyone's life.
"Okay," Geoff says, "we've filled this tank with several of my mom's potted plants, then we've sealed, double-sealed and triple-sealed it. Right there in the center is a little arm holding a vial of Death Spores. At the press of a button, it'll release the Spores, and we'll see how fast it affects these plants. Then, we can dispose of the plants and the spores safely."
The team stands at a safe distance from the glass tank while still remaining close enough to see the Spores in action.
"Alright, Doc, release the Spores!" Geoff says, and Dr. Dorian presses a button. The robotic arm inside the tank uncorks the vial of spores and releases them into the tank. Within a few seconds, the plants begin to die—they shrivel up and their leaves drop off, and one smaller plant almost totally disintegrates.
"Whoa…" Max says as he watches the plants die before his very eyes.
"Incredible," Dr. Dorian says. "That literally took about five seconds for those plants to start dying. I'm not a botanist, but I think it's safe to say that anything that kills a plant that quickly can kill an animal or human just as fast."
"The only problem is, my mom's gonna kill me for destroying her plants," Geoff says, shaking his head and frowning.
Despite the Death Spores' awesome power, our H.I.V.E. experts seem unimpressed.
"The Death Spores? You could wind up killing yourself with that stuff!" Cyborg says. "For taking someone out, the H.I.V.E. use something a lot more devious."
The H.I.V.E. also have a tool for turning the tide of a battle in their favor.
We see a H.I.V.E. soldier throwing a vial of yellow powder at a group of people on the streets. Seconds later, the group of people all stand at attention.
Hypno-Pollen: mind-controlling powder that is the H.I.V.E.'s calling card.
The team is now standing in front of a table full of H.I.V.E. weapons. Talia has a vial full of yellow powder, handling it carefully as she begins to speak:
"This pollen was specially made by the evil scientists that once made up the H.I.V.E.," she says.
To test the Hypno-Pollen, our team has brought back an old friend.
"Everybody, I've got some good news—Yoshi's back," Geoff says as he leads our black-clad ninja pal into the fight club. "We had a little disagreement a few episodes back, but after testing his luck with the folks at Deadliest Fictional Warrior**, he's come back home."
"Tough luck with the live grenade tests, huh?" Max asks Yoshi.
Yoshi says something in Japanese, and subtitles at the bottom of the screen say "It's a living".
Yoshi stands nervously in front of Talia as she wields a vial of Hypno-Pollen.
"Alright, Talia, are you ready?" Geoff asks.
"Ready!" Talia responds.
"Yoshi, are you ready?"
Yoshi nods as he closes his eyes in anticipation of what is about to happen.
"On three, two, one—POWDER HIM!"
When Geoff gives the signal, Talia opens the vial of Hypno-Pollen and throws it in Yoshi's face. Our black-clad ninja friend sputters for a few seconds as he tries to wipe the Pollen out of his eyes. When the dust has settled, Talia approaches Yoshi and whispers something in his ear. Yoshi gets a blank look on his face, and walks over to a nearby ballistics gel torso. He pulls his mask off and begins making out with the torso. Everybody laughs uproariously at Yoshi until Talia snaps her fingers, and the ninja snaps out of his trance. He drops the gel body and runs to a corner, sinks down and gets into the fetal position.
"He'll be fine," Max says, shaking his head. "We've upped his salary, so he'll go buy a new kusarigama or something and shrug this off."
The Hypno-Pollen can be used to make the victim do anything the applicant suggests—including commit suicide.
Fury and Black Widow approach the area, and Fury shakes his head.
"You honestly believe that Pollen can compete with HYDRA's Death Spores?" Fury asks, somewhat angrily. "The Death Spores kill anything they touch instantly. That Pollen is nothing but a cheap novelty act."
Both weapons can definitely turn the tide of a battle, but which team's biological bombshell gives them the killing edge?
"There's no doubt…both weapons are effective," Geoff says. "Still, both our factions have to be careful, as both the Death Spores and the Hypno-Pollen can potentially affect their users as well."
"Yeah, but just like we saw with Green Goblin's Pumpkin Bombs, that's a calculated risk," Max says. "And I think just going on sheer killing potential alone, I'd have to go with the Death Spores."
"I agree," Dr. Dorian says. "If there are still HYDRA operatives left, they can come to their hypnotized comrade's rescue. No one can save the H.I.V.E. troopers if they breathe in those Death Spores."
"Looks like it's unanimous then," Geoff says. "Death Spores get the edge."
For special weapons, the edge goes to HYDRA for the Death Spores.
We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested in this episode.
The testing is now complete. It's now time to find out once and for all which villainous organization is deadliest: HYDRA or H.I.V.E.
Close-range weapons edge: HYDRA, for the Falchion sword
Mid-range weapons edge: Both HYDRA's Remington 870 shotgun and H.I.V.E.'s Mossberg 500 shotgun
Long-range weapons edge: H.I.V.E., for the M249 light machine gun
Special weapons edge: HYDRA, for the Death Spores
To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky shot, the computer will simulate one thousand battles between five-man squadrons.
"I believe we have all the data we need for a good, down-and-dirty fight…what say we fire this bad boy up?" Max asks Geoff and Dr. Dorian.
"Be my guest," Geoff encourages.
Max presses the button, and the Matrix-esque intro gives way to the battle scene.
The Battle
The battle begins at midday, when we see a HYDRA trooper cautiously peeking around a brick fence. Before him, he sees a massive building with a huge metal door, and nods slowly. He looks behind him and motions for someone to follow him, and he and four more HYDRA troopers in full uniform file around the corner, carrying Stoner 63s and Remington shotguns. Meanwhile, in an upstairs room, five H.I.V.E. troopers are inspecting their weapons, preparing for their next invasion. Back outside, the lead HYDRA man plants an explosive on the door of the H.I.V.E. headquarters and sets a timer before signaling for his comrades to take cover. They all give the bomb some distance, and a few seconds later, the doors to the H.I.V.E. building are blown off, setting off an alarm and alerting the five H.I.V.E. troopers inside. As the H.I.V.E. troop heads to the foyer, the HYDRA squadron moves in, intent on capturing the building for their own purposes. Soon, though, the H.I.V.E. troopers file down the stairs, and the first one down opens fire with his M249 machine gun, hitting a HYDRA soldier in the chest and killing him.
HYDRA: 4 H.I.V.E.: 5
As an instinctive reaction, the HYDRA men open fire at the advancing H.I.V.E. squadron with their Stoner 63s, and one H.I.V.E. trooper is gunned down by the volley of bullets.
HYDRA: 4 H.I.V.E.: 4
The four remaining H.I.V.E. troopers take cover behind the walls and furniture, firing their M249s and Mossberg shotguns as a huge gunfight ensues. Suddenly, the H.I.V.E. captain's M249 jams, leaving him defenseless. "Retreat!" he shouts to his troop, and the men flee down a nearby hallway. "After them!" the HYDRA captain yells, and HYDRA gives chase. As three of the H.I.V.E. members later disappear around a corner in the hall, one H.I.V.E. trooper stays behind, waiting for the HYDRAs to show themselves. As soon as the HYDRA captain appears on the other side of the winding hallway, the H.I.V.E. man opens fire with his M249, hitting the HYDRA captain in the arm, causing him to drop his Stoner 63. However, one of the captain's men rounds the corner a split-second later and guns down the H.I.V.E. trooper with his own Stoner 63.
HYDRA: 4 H.I.V.E.: 3
The two other HYDRA soldiers arrive on the scene, and they check on their captain. When he assures them that he's fine, they all resume their pursuit of H.I.V.E. The remaining members of H.I.V.E. emerge in a small conference room, and one man heads to the wall and presses the elevator button. But before the elevator can arrive, the HYDRA soldiers enter the room and begin firing their shotguns, and the H.I.V.E. squadron dives for cover. As one H.I.V.E. trooper waits for the elevator behind a chair, he pulls a small vial of Hypno-pollen from his pocket, and just as the elevator arrives, he uncorks the vial and blows the pollen in the face of an approaching HYDRA soldier. As the HYDRA soldier coughs, trying to get the pollen out of his face, the other two H.I.V.E. soldiers board the elevator. The third H.I.V.E. member stays behind as he sneaks up and quickly whispers something in the HYDRA soldier's ear. The HYDRA soldier suddenly gets a blank look on his face, and then takes out his Remington shotgun. He points the gun at his head, and pulls the trigger, blowing his head clean off.
HYDRA: 3 H.I.V.E.: 3
The H.I.V.E. trooper snickers sadistically as he sees the headless HYDRA grunt on the ground, but upon turning around, a Death Spore-filled grenade hits him in the chest. The man staggers back into a chair as the three remaining HYDRAs scramble out a nearby door. The H.I.V.E. trooper tries to follow them, but he coughs violently and sinks to the floor, where he succumbs to the Death Spores a few seconds later.
HYDRA: 3 H.I.V.E.: 2
The three HYDRAs make their way up the stairs of the building as the remaining two H.I.V.E. members emerge on the building's second floor from the elevator. The H.I.V.E. captain orders his underling to hide in a room while the captain takes cover behind a large potted plant. The HYDRAs emerge from the elevator onto the same floor, and are met with a volley of shotgun fire on both sides of them. Braving the bullets, the three men take out their shotguns and start returning fire as they attempt to take cover behind a nearby couch; however, one HYDRA soldier is struck in the side, sending him down to the floor as his two teammates take cover. Both teams continue to fire at one another until all their shotguns run out of bullets, and the DC terrorists retreat down the hall. As the two healthy HYDRA members give chase, the third one weakly tries to crawl after them, but he soon succumbs to his wound.
HYDRA: 2 H.I.V.E.: 2
The HYDRA operatives soon locate the H.I.V.E. members in a small lounge. The HYDRA underling rushes into the room, but the H.I.V.E. are waiting. The last H.I.V.E. underling rushes from behind a chair with his V-42 Stiletto, jamming it in the HYDRA man's neck and killing him.
HYDRA: 1 H.I.V.E.: 2
All alone, the HYDRA captain pulls out the last weapon he has—a falchion sword given to him personally by Baron Strucker for just such an emergency. He taps on the wall, trying to lure his opponents back into the hall. Sure enough, the last H.I.V.E. grunt takes the bait, peering out into the hall. He looks to his right, and the last thing he sees is the HYDRA captain's sword swinging in his direction—one swipe sends the H.I.V.E. man's head rolling to the floor.
HYDRA: 1 H.I.V.E.: 1
Stepping over his dead comrade's headless body, the H.I.V.E. captain enters the hallway with a stiletto of his own, and the two men clash with their bladed weapons. The H.I.V.E. captain pushes the smaller HYDRA captain back before slashing him across the face, sending the HYDRA leader staggering back into the wall. The H.I.V.E. leader roars as he rushes forward with his V-42, but the HYDRA leader elbows him in the stomach, sending his enemy reeling backwards. The HYDRA scrambles to his feet as the H.I.V.E. man recovers and rushes toward his opponent with his stiletto. However, the HYDRA captain ducks a slash from the dagger and in retaliation, thrusts his falchion into the H.I.V.E. leader's chest. The H.I.V.E. leader watches in horror as his own blood spills out onto the floor, and looks up just in time to see the HYDRA captain push him back into the wall, sending the man sliding down the wall to the floor. As he watches his enemy draw his last breath, the HYDRA leader holds his bloody sword in the air and shouts "Hail HYDRA!"
Winner: HYDRA
"Out of the course of 1,000 battles, HYDRA emerged as our winner with 54.2% of the total kills," Max says. "It was definitely a close fight, but HYDRA's superior close-range weaponry, plus their usage of biological warfare with their Death Spores, really gave them a killing edge here."
In another close contest, HYDRA scored 542 kills, most of it coming from their Stoner 63 light machine gun and Remington shotgun.
HYDRA Kills: 542
Stoner 63: 289
Falchion Sword: 32
Remington Shotgun: 118
Death Spores: 103
H.I.V.E. scored 458 kills. Their most efficient weapon by far was their M249 light machine gun, but even it couldn't fell HYDRA.
H.I.V.E. Kills: 458
M249: 303
V-42 Stiletto: 1
Mossberg Shotgun: 123
Hypno-Pollen: 31
"I'm not really that surprised," Geoff says. "HYDRA had superior biological weaponry and the brutality that they needed to net them victory today."
"I am indeed surprised," Talia says. "If we had encountered a foe such as HYDRA when I was in the H.I.V.E., we would have undoubtedly decimated them."
"There's nobody tougher than HYDRA," Fury attests. "They're tough, and they'll stop at nothing to get rid of anything that gets in their way. That's what makes them the deadliest villains."
We now see the HYDRA captain holding his falchion high and shouting "Cut one head off, and three more grow in its place!" as the show comes to a close.
*Yeah, I know…this is the "Ultimate" version of Nick Fury, the one that was in the Avengers movie. Though this version of him hasn't really encountered HYDRA, I'm using him here instead of the older, Caucasian Nick Fury because I like this version of him better. Get over it…
**"Deadliest Fictional Warrior" is property of Poseidon Productions.
Chapter 10 is complete, and Marvel now ties up this season's score 5-5. But if you think the villainy is all over for this season, think again: in our next chapter, we have perhaps the two most psychotic bad guys in comic book history squaring off. The unhinged scientific genius Dr. Doom takes on the insane clown prince of crime, the Joker, in our next chapter! See you again soon!