A/N: I have to thank Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love" or you would not be reading this right now. It was this chapter's saving grace.
I don't like this a whole lot. I think I rushed a lot of this, but I needed to get it out of my system so I could move on. Oh. There is some Jommyness. Because walls have to be broken down in order for there to be some resolution in the end, right?! ;]
I've looked this over a lot, but if I look it over one more time I think my head with explode so any mistakes you see you'll just have to deal with the time being. Sorry!
THANKS:
instantstar69: thanks! I'm really glad. Me too! I hope you like it!
Isabela is Online: Thank you for kicking my butt into gear (slightly). I'm sorry – I hate taking forever. Thank you. I guess you could say Jude gets her moment. As for things working out – we'll see.
Carlz02: HI! I know – yay! LOL. Thank you! Ugh, I don't feel that way about it sometimes. I like those parts too! LOL. That was the plan. Thank you! :)
geminigurl89: Thank you so much! I know, I know. Things will be clearer in a few chapters, I hope. LOL. I agree. Ha – Kwest. Yeah, he has his reasons. I personally don't see him as a dislikable character – he just doesn't have a lot of tact. Hopefully that will change. LOL! I can't guarantee it, but who knows.
btru2u: Thank you! Um, I'll have to reread the last chapter to see how that worked out, but the answer is – no. Unlike Tom, she doesn't see that as a way to fix their problems. Me too! I think Jude might be more sympathetic once she knows everything. Thank you so much! I hope I do. ;)
Kathy101: Yay! Thanks. I hope they do to or else I don't know what I'm going to write. I'll try!
spegs: Thank you!
Disclaimer: I don't own Ryan Cabrera's "True" or Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love" Anything else I missed that sounds familiar; I probably don't own that either. Oh and as usual – if you shouldn't be reading things of an adult nature, back away from the computer, kids. :)
A/N at the bottom.
R&R or R&L please.
THANKS MUCHO!
"All The Worlds A Stage…"
The song ended and unsurprisingly the crowd erupted in applause. After taking in the crowd for a second, three bodies walked to various parts of the stage – their minds full of thoughts about the day, about the song they had just heard, and their hearts full of different people, people that they each hoped would have time to hear them out later.
There was still a lot that needed to be said.
Don't Stand So Close To Me
Chapter 26
"And The Men And Women Are Merely Players"
Her ass had never had so much attention – ever.
The wood floors of the auditorium shook as the crowd applauded for the girl group Jude had taken part in as she made her way backstage to change into normal clothes.
Though she wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone, performing some crappy pop tune that should have never made the airwaves in her opinion was highly entertaining. If only for one fact.
It made her stop thinking.
Shaking her butt on stage, she could still see him watching her from the aprons as she had done to him. It was an odd feeling, knowing what she knew yet not having the opportunity to settle anything.
When the song ended she had wanted to talk to him, but when she looked at the corner of the stage, he was no longer there. It was then that she resolved to forget about fixing things for the time being and just worry about the music. The talent show was almost at a close except for one last performer – her.
She was closing the show. Again.
This time it was different. It was final. It would be the end of her talent show stint that had encased the last four years of her life.
She wanted this one to be memorable. To have meaning.
And that meant only one thing.
It was all about them.
- - - - - -
He was confused to be exact. Confused at the fact that his body could react to the show of teenage skin onstage the way it had when his head had not been in it. Sort of.
He had wanted to talk to Jude the moment he got off stage – the moment his mind was clear. But she was already off with her girl group that he decided he could wait.
And yet again, there was an opportunity for him to explain things to her, but this time she was performing solo and no amount of explaining would ever make up for ruining that moment, so he stayed quiet.
He didn't want to be responsible for ruining another moment, another moment that should have been special. Because that's what she deserved.
- - - - - -
The florescent lights of her dressing room highlighted the garish shadows on her face from the enormous amount of makeup she had used for her group number. She scrubbed the foundation off with makeup remover until her cheeks were bright red. Jude leaned against the vanity and sighed, taking in her form in the mirror.
She looked tired.
And she was.
Maybe not physically, but mentally. The task before her had sounded amazing seconds before, but now that she was alone with her thoughts, it felt altogether daunting.
Prying herself from her own mind, Jude changed her clothes, throwing the booty shorts and eyelashes in the wastebasket next to her.
Finally wearing Chucks and jeans, Jude sat in the vanity chair in front of her.
Again she sighed heavily, eying her guitar that lay upon the couch sitting next to the door of her dressing room. She had five minutes before she was required to be on stage again and the thought of being alone with her thoughts again was frightening enough for her to reach for her guitar, even though she had practiced her song until her hands had practically bled.
Closing her eyes, she leaned back in the chair, resting her head on the hard wood. Her fingers swept over the strings she had memorized in her head, but every time she set herself to play, her fingers found a different set of chords they liked better.
Jude continued to strum until she found herself humming a new tune – one she could hear in her head. It drowned out all the thoughts in her head.
Playing along with whatever subconscious crap her body was pulling on her, Jude began to sing.
"I'm weak / It's true"
- - - - - -
He watched Mr. Mills walk off stage right and the house lights turned to half again as Jude walked on stage. Soft. Slow.
She sat on the wooden stool that was positioned behind the mic and he had to switch positions in his seat to get rid of the aching in his heart. She looked so – sad.
Had he done that to her? The honest answer was yes and no. He knew his lack of trust in her had opened a Pandora's Box of problems for them that he had no idea how to fix. He had never been shown how. He had always resorted to being that guy. Him.
And it only made things worse.
But he didn't know about the monumental weight that lay on Jude's shoulders after her conversation with Angie.
And he might never know unless they talked.
Yeah, talked.
That always seemed to solve everything, didn't it?!
- - - - - -
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
It was one of the most reckless things she had ever done – almost as reckless as sleeping with her teacher. She changed her song.
Five minutes was all it took and she had an entirely new lookout on things.
Funny how music worked that way.
The crowd sat silent, captivated by her voice – soft and pure. The complete opposite of the way she felt inside.
Her eyes caught his for a split second and her heart clenched.
You might think I don't look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
From the moment she had read his name on her schedule all those months ago, she knew. There was something there. Something she couldn't name because she didn't know him. But it was there.
Now, months later, she didn't really know him anymore than she had when she had first met him, but it didn't matter. This was what she wanted.
Maybe she was a masochist to put herself through all the pain and craziness. But she couldn't walk away.
That much she knew.
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
She couldn't save him, but she could be there when he needed her. She could be that rock, that support. Because it was very evident that he needed that – wanted that.
Angie had said it.
Not that Jude completely trusted her, but she could tell she had been honest – maybe for the first time in her life.
In that respect, Jude had to appreciate what she was doing for them – no matter how odd it seemed.
Because without her, she didn't know if she could really do this – whatever this was. Tommy was just so hard sometimes. He made things hard.
And she needed that clarity from someone who had been there and knew exactly how hard it was.
She needed it – even if she couldn't admit it.
You don't know what you do
Every time you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
He watched he close her eyes and found himself following suit, just letting her voice pour into his heart – his soul.
She was taking a risk – putting her feelings out there like she was. Though he knew that there were very few people who would probably grasp the meaning of her words.
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
They had gotten to this place – this plateau, if you will. Just the two of them. Alone.
The only way off was to jump. To jump head first into something unknown.
He firmly believed that things could only get better. He had dragged them down into this abyss of sadness and pain because he hadn't dealt with things like he had said he had.
It was his fault. He knew. He needed to take responsibility for screwing up something so amazing. Her.
It wasn't even the relationship part that made him cringe – it was the fact that he had broken her. Or something to that effect. Damaged. Used.
It was all the same.
But he did know that he was going to fix what he had done.
He had to.
I know when I go I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
There was a split second moment of silence and then most of the crowd stood up, applauding, but the only thing she could hear was his voice. In her head.
You are my present. Hopefully my future.
- - - - - -
"Jude, I think we need to talk – "
Her fingers covered his mouth, stopping him mid-sentence. She shook her head. "No. We've tried that. I don't want to talk anymore."
Confusion poured over his face, his brow furrowing. "Then what are we doing here?"
Jude bit her bottom lip and casted a glance around the loft. The loft. How they had come back here she didn't know, but it would most likely always draw them in.
Her eyes darted at the piano to her left. And it was as if time had stood still.
She shivered as she stood in from of Tom, remembering everything that happened that night. The look in eyes. The way he touched her. The love in his voice. Without looking at Tom, she walked toward the piano, humming softly to herself.
He watched her walk away and grew even more confused. Didn't she understand this is what they had to do?! They had to move on. This was the only way.
Her fingers danced over the keys, punctuating various chords into the air. Finally they made sense and her humming got louder.
Tom walked towards her and stood behind the piano bench as she began to play something that sounded vaguely familiar. There was the split second thought that maybe she wanted to be alone, but Tom figured that if that had been true she would have been vocal about it. Like she had been about everything else. So unlike him.
As he sat down next to her, her humming turned into full-fledged singing.
We did it all for love
And then he understood.
He wanted to reach out and stop her from continuing the song, but remembered that's exactly what she didn't want. And he didn't want to stop her from being open with him.
Instead, he opened his mouth and began to sing along with her.
Jude could feel her body tense as she heard his voice fill the room. Would he understand what she was feeling – thinking?!
She stopped playing as she watched his fingers hover over the keys next to her. A silent second was all it took before they finally settled on the keys.
Maybe he did understand after all.
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone
I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love
The tears began to pool before she could stop them and when they started to fall she didn't move to wipe them away. What was the use?! It wouldn't solve anything.
We did it all for love
It hit her in that moment that it was true. Everything they had been through was because of love. No matter how fucked up that seemed – love had always the driving force.
And it hurt to know that that was how powerful it was – that love could make her hurt the way she did.
We did it all for love
He stopped playing after he realized she was no longer singing with him. He saw her shoulders shake and it took all of his strength to stop him from pulling her into his arms.
Instead, she looked up at him and their eyes locked.
He grazed her cheek with his hand, running his thumb over the tears that had traveled the length of her face. With her eyes still locked with his, her tears began to multiply until she could no longer hold herself up. He instinctively pulled her into his arms. He was going to hold her until she was no longer crying or until she pushed him away. Whichever came first.
She couldn't believe she was crying. But she couldn't help it. It was the way she was feeling. All of these emotions had pent up inside of her and it was only a matter of time before she broke.
She didn't know how long she had been crying – she could only feel the heat from Tom's body transferring to her skin through his soaked button-down.
The mere thought of his body assaulted her brain with flashbacks from that night. His eyes. His hands. The way he said her name. She shuddered in his arms and he leaned down and kissed her hair.
The action brought her back to her senses and she pulled away, instantly feeling cold.
She glanced up at him. "I hate you so much," she said through a hiccup.
Tom clenched his jaw. "I know. You have every right. I'm sorry, Jude. I wish I – "
"I don't want to talk. I want to feel," she whispered.
He didn't grasp what she meant until she pulled his face towards her and kissed him. Hard.
The song. The crying. The kiss. It all made perfect sense.
He pulled her toward him just as she pulled away. Trying to catch her breath, she rested her head against his chest. He kissed the back of her head and sighed.
Her hands found his thighs and they rested there as she pondered how much farther she wanted to go. This would either change things for the better or make them worse.
Jude took a deep breath, taking in Tom's scent.
Her fingers traveled to the hem of his shirt and slowly, without speaking, she unbuttoned the bottom three buttons.
He sucked in a sharp breath as he felt the material being pulled away from his body and reached out to stop her. She tore her hands from his grasp and abruptly stood up from the piano bench.
Glancing at his face once, she walked away from him, kicking off her Chucks in the process. He heard them bang against pieces of furnature and could tell by the echo of her steps exactly where she was going.
He didn't want it to be like this. He didn't want to fight. He just wanted to be. But then he realized that's exactly what she was trying to do. The song said that. It was a part of who they were – that night was all about her. And she was trying to make this about them.
He got off the bench and walked toward the hall way as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. The door to Jude's bedroom was open wide and he could see her bed from where he stood. He could also hear her groaning.
When he walked into the room, he had to bite back a laugh. This was not what he had expected to see. Jude lay on her bed, her arms tangled in her shirt, a large span of skin showing from where the shirt had left her body. He bit his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing out loud. In a space where her shirt didn't cover her eyes, Jude could see Tom leaning against her door frame, trying very hard not to laugh.
"I got stuck," she muttered, as she lifted her arms over her head again.
Her words sent him over the edge and a throaty laugh echoed into the room. Jude groaned audibly, but was drowned out by Tom's laughter. She felt the bed dip by the weight of Tom's body and waited patiently for him to stop laughing and help her out of her shirt.
Silence came, but he did nothing to help to her.
"Hello?" she said, kicking her legs, the bed bouncing with her movement.
Tom stayed silent. And Jude became painfully aware why that was. He was looking at her. Or rather watching her.
She felt her skin flare and she bit her bottom lip. He reached out and placed his hand flat on her stomach and she sucked in a sharp breath.
His thumb traced her rib cage before his hand settled underneath her breast. Jude could feel an ache building in her entire body. She wanted to touch him, but her stupid shirt was in the way. Didn't he see that?!
Maybe he did. Because he pulled his hand away a second later. He grasped her wrists with one hand and with the other pulled at the fabric around her arms. A few tugs later, she was free.
He held the shirt to his chest and lay down next to her. He pulled her into the crook of his arm and she rested her head on his chest.
"This is nice," she said, sighing.
"Yeah," he whispered.
"But you know what would be better?"
He sighed, frustrated. Couldn't she just be?! Or did everything have to be more?! "Jude, could you just – "
The look in her eyes stopped him midsentence.
"Nevermind," he murmured, his hands reaching out to her face. She kissed him roughly and that was all it took for Tom to stop thinking.
Her hands grazed the hem of his tank top that he wore underneath his button down and she ran her fingers across the span of skin that was showing. He shuddered and laughter built up from the pit of her stomach.
He pulled away and gazed down at her as she tugged on his button down. Jude grew impatient when the material got caught and Tom knew first hand just what she would to his shirt if it didn't come off fast enough. He sat up slightly and took off the button down himself, seeing as he didn't really want to lose another shirt to the hands of one Jude Harrison.
Together they tossed the shirts to the floor without a second thought. A smirk formed on her face and she kneeled on the bed, her hands finding the hem of his tank top again.
Her finger tips grazed the skin at the top of his jeans and slowly, like she remembered he had done to her, pulled the shirt up and over his head. Her eyes locked with his for a split second, and then she drank in the image of him. The long arms. The muscles in his chest. The five 'o'clock shadow gracing his face.
She let the tank top drop from her hands and he reached for his belt, expertly undoing it and pulling it through the belt loops of his jeans.
He unzipped his jeans and shimmied out of them a few seconds later, tossing them to the side along with his other clothes. Standing in only boxers now, he reached for Jude's zipper. She could feel the electricity running through her veins and when his hands touched her skin, she was thankful she hadn't tried to disrobe herself. It would have been a futile attempt – like the last time.
He slowly pulled down her jeans, his fingers nipping at her thighs. One leg. Then the other. He dropped the jeans and she wrapped her arms around his neck, closing the space between them. He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned down to kiss her.
She pulled away slightly as she could feel him hard against her thigh. Running her fingers down his back, Jude kissed him again.
He climbed on the bed, kneeling next to her. Slowly she fell on her back and his body found its way between her legs.
With his body flush against hers, Jude could feel her nerve-endings going haywire. She wanted to feel everything part of him and she wanted the same for him. She pulled away slowly, her breathing short and fast. She arched her back and her fingers undid the clasps of her bra.
Without a second thought, she threw it to the side. Months ago she would have stopped and thought about what she was doing, exposing herself to someone that would eventually hurt her. But now – with what she knew – she knew she loved him despite everything that happened. And she knew he hadn't been lying when he told her the same.
This was right. This was what she wanted. And she knew he wanted it just as much as she did.
He watched her take off her bra and for a second he thought she would second guess her decision. But when she threw it off the bed, he knew that she didn't have any hesitation anymore. His heart swelled.
Taking initiative, his hands traveled the length of her body to where her underwear sat. He pushed himself off of her and without taking his eyes from her; she bent her legs as he pulled the fabric down, letting them out of his hands and on to the floor.
He did the same with his boxers.
He kneeled between her legs, his hands tracing her skin ever so slightly. Shivers ran up and down Jude's spine.
As he slid against her, she felt him enter her. One quick moment and a gasp. There was no longer any pain – just a feeling of fullness.
Hovering over her, he leaned down and kissed her softly. Her hands instinctively went to his face, fingers running over stubble.
He pulled out of her and that same quick moment came back, along with the gasp.
Every touch was torturous. Each thrust was languid and sweet – softer and painstakingly slower than the last one.
She watched as his hands traveled up her body, feeling the heat within her rise exponentially. He ran his fingers up the sides of her thighs and she gasped, a shallow breath passing through her lips. His hands left her thighs and made their way up the sides of her stomach. Lightly caressing her skin, Tom moved his hands to her breasts. Her nipples hardened and Tom instinctively took one into his mouth.
Jude instantly stopped breathing. Tom smiled against her and she let out a ragged breath. Bastard.
He took the other one into his mouth and her fingers ran down his back, digging into his dug her fingers into his skin. The sensation caused him to bite her. She moaned audibly and he pulled away. She glanced down at him, her eyes full of passion. His breath hitched and his thrust was the deepest of them all.
Her hands traveled up to his neck and she kissed him hard.
He kissed her mouth, her neck, her breasts, running his hands over every expanse of skin he could touch.
Everything continued to build up to the point that Jude thought she was going to burst.
From somewhere in the recesses of Jude's mind, she heard someone scream. It took the smoldering look in Tom's eyes to realize it was her. When Tom came, instead of hearing her name, he whispered, "I love you."
She looked up at him and bit her bottom lip. She could feel tears already springing at the corners of her eyes. No. She wouldn't cry. Not again.
She grabbed his face and kissed him roughly, letting go of his face to run her fingers through his hair. Catching his breath, he pulled away. He lay on his back, bringing Jude with him, their bodies still intertwined.
She bit her bottom lip and said, "Wow."
Laughter echoed in the room. "That's much better than weird."
A smile formed on Jude's face and she wrapped her arms around Tom's waist, settling her head on his chest.
He kissed the top of her head and pulled the comforter that sat at the head of the bed over them.
Silence filled the room, but energy soared through Jude's veins. The night played back in her mind like a movie.
Everything had been amazing. Like it always should have been.
As Jude closed her eyes, she could feel the warmth of Tom's skin against hers and her breathing slowly beginning to match his. Even though she could also feel sleep pulling her, there was one thought she couldn't push away.
He hadn't worn a condom.
A/N: I'm not doing a preview here because there are a few things that I wanted to say – things are still not okay. This is just the road to being okay. In their mindset – sex works (but that doesn't mean it's the answer). Angie is not gone – she has one last surprise for Tom. As for the last sentence – I'm not saying anything. Just think really hard. ;)