Canny Lad

"Come on, tell me. I know you fancy someone," Carrie-Ann encouraged, getting right up in Hannah's face. "You can't not fancy anyone."

The American sighed and pushed her new friend back a bit. What Carrie-Ann had said was half true. She couldn't believe she didn't fancy the pants off anybody. Granted, there were people with lovely personalities, but they looked like farmers and probably chewed grass for lunch. And of course, there were the ones who were drop dead gorgeous… But the attitudes on them… Horrendous.

In her old school in New York, she had rarely been without a boyfriend. Pretty, good natured and popular, a blonde with brains, people queued up to be the next in line.

Carrie-Ann sighed in defeat. "Are we really all that ugly?"

Hannah shrugged. "If you want me to make a list of people who I think are fit, I can reel five or six off for you. But the ones I have confronted are rude as hell and twice as vain."

"Go on then."

"Top of the list…" Hannah thought for a moment. If she put her crush at the top, it'd be obvious, but second or last would look like bluff and double bluff. In the end she settled for the most unimportant position. Fourth. "Finnian. Asian/Irish. A match made in heaven."

Carrie-Ann smirked. "Not so. His parents aren't together anymore and are still fighting over who gets custody."

"I'd fight long and hard to walk around and say that that masterpiece was my kid, so no wonder," Hannah remarked. "Second, Christopher. He's the hottest ginger I've ever met, but he's an arse-hole."

"I have to agree with you there, he is an arse. But fit, you're right."

"Robbie?" Hannah suggested, and her friend gushed.

"You can get your eyes of Robbie 'cause he's all mine." Hannah giggled into a pillow.

"…Er Dominic? He's cute."

"Who the hell is Dominic?"

Hannah was momentarily bewildered. "Is it just Dom then? I thought it was short for something."

The Irish girl grinned. "Oh, you mean Domovoi? Weird name, I know. I think his parents made it up!"

So Domovoi was the name of the dark haired boy with the handsome face who actually had an ounce of sense about him.

"Domovoi's hopeless. Half the girls in the year are after him and he's either ignorant, or stuck up."

There would be something imperfect, wouldn't there?

Hannah pulled her English (literacy, whatever) homework out of her bag and nudged Carrie-Ann to do the same. "C'mon, I gotta go home in an hour."

"Whoa," her friend exclaimed. "What about number five and six?"

"Huh?"

The Irish teen's face lit up as it dawned on her. "Oh my God, you fancy Domovoi Fowl!" she shrieked, quivering with a childish excitement.

Hannah scowled, embarrassed. "So what if I do?" she grumbled. "It's just a crush, and I bet he's a prick."

Carrie-Ann grinned. "But that's the thing, he's not. Honest, he's dead canny. Clueless at times, but canny. It's adorable, really."

"Minerva, please don't shout," Artemis asked down the line. Minerva's initial reaction was to begin shouting, but she then noticed Artemis' voice sounded odd. Stuffy? Nasal, almost.

"Artemis, are you ill?" She asked, finding herself genuinely concerned. "And what have you done?"

"No, I'm not ill." Artemis assured, cursing for not having pulled himself together better.

Minerva gasped when she realised. Was her Arty… crying? Artemis Fowl was crying. Her first reaction was to smirk, and after that had passed, collapse-with-shock fear set in. If Artemis Fowl was crying, something must be badly wrong.

"Artemis, is everything alright?"

Artemis shook his head frantically, even though he knew she couldn't see him. Tears formed again at the corners of his eyes.

"Minerva, I'm sorry."

"Artemis."

"I have failed as a father."

"Artemis! What. Have. You. Done?"

"Alex is gone." He blurted, tactlessly.

Minerva felt her danger level rising. "Gone where?"

"The fairies took him to an institute for hybrids and genetic cloning accidents. I tried, Minerva."

"Obviously you didn't try hard enough or we'd still have him! You're right, Artemis, you've failed as a father and a guardian."

"I'm sorry, Artemis repeated, sounding pathetic. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

Minerva sighed. One parent had to keep themselves together, and it looked like this time, it'd be her.

Alexander awoke immediately from his restless sleep on the floor when he heard a door opening and the clack of high heels on the floor.

He looked up to see a woman who was a lot taller that he expected. A short human, not a tall fairy.

She kneeled down next to him and picked him up, placing him on her knee. Her red hair tickled his face. Alexander stared at her groggily.

"You're a cute kid," she commented, getting to her feet. "C'mon. You need to get ready for bed, apparently, but I doubt you'll sleep now."

Alexander found himself very confused. Who was this woman? If she liked him so much, why hadn't she come before? Alexander shook his head to wake himself up and sat up in her arms.

"Blonkie." He said.

"Huh?"

"Blonkie," Alexander insisted, looking around his room before she closed the door.

"I don't know what you want, honey."

"Ma Blonkie!" Alex demanded, his lip starting to quiver. "Blonkie!"

"What the hell is a 'blonkie'? She asked the hysterical toddler. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"Ma Lellow Blonkie." Alex emphasised.

"Your yellow… Blankie? Do you mean blankie? A blanket?"

Alexander squealed and clapped his hands, nodding.

"Uuugh…" she groaned. "It's only here if you brought it with you. Did you bring it?"

Alex nodded. "Yes. Man took it."

"Oh. Okay, we'll get it later, hang on for half an hour, okay?"

Another nod.

"And I'll have no more screaming like that. This isn't all about you, you know."

Samantha Fowl's diary.

The inevitable has happened.

The fairy people took Alexander. I have never seen my father so upset. I have never seen my father upset. He's depressed, and he's only been gone a day.

Dad hasn't said anything that wasn't necessary to the existence of the human race since we left the institution. I have tried talking to him, but he's inconsolable.

Alexander will come back. I'm not being optimistic, I just know. And my father should know that too, but he's too wrapped up in guilt for rational thinking. He should know that Alexander is still entitled to his human rights, because he is a magical human. The magic bit is governed by their laws, but the human bit, by ours.

He should come back.

Hay guys! That was to make up for my short, crappy last chapter. Because of the format of this one, I couldn't quite stretch it to nine pages (Maiandra GD size 14) but it's six pages, which isn't exactly chicken feed.

This chapter was surprisingly easy to write. Dunno why, since I started at three, and it's now half five in the morning.

I had to give up my lovely dog Harvey for reasons best benefiting him. We know the family who owns him, and I can go visit him. We saw them in the shops buying loads of dog stuff. They're nuts. He's gonna be more spoilt with them than he was with us.

(He wasn't getting enough exercise, and I am allergic to him (badly) and the noise was scaring him. My grandma, who he stayed with, owns a pub)

So, that's all, folks. If you're wondering about when Sam is going to be useful, because yes, she is just there at the moment, she should come in handy in the next instalment, and the last one. (There's five.)

Also, did anyone notice that in light of Arty having a girl's name, Sam, Dom and Alex are all unisex names?

(Examples for the stupid. Samantha-Samuel. Alexander-Alexandra. Dominic-Dominique.) Did ja notice?