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Chapter Four
She could feel the cool breeze on her skin before she opened her eyes. Her fingers twitched slightly, the sensation of warm skin flooded her mind.
The steady motion of his chest rising against her cheek made her feel dizzy with the combination of waking from sleep. Katniss opened her eyes slowly; afraid that she was still dreaming. To have him so close had given her the first restful period of sleep she had experienced in a while.
The early sunlight coming through the window was blinding, causing her to blink. When she could finally see straight, Katniss looked up to the sleeping face above her.
She wasn't sure but she was almost positive that he was even more handsome in the morning. The way the golden light illuminated his dirty blonde hair was stunning. The lines of his strong jaw were even more prominent in this position as she craned her neck to look at him.
Katniss did not move. With her left side being trapped between him and the mattress, she slowly lifted her hand from his bare chest to ever so slightly trace the structure of his jaw.
Her fingers hovered over his lips, the skin there was soft. She imagined what it would be like to kiss him.
Katniss was lost in the thought of being in his bed with him. Not there because she was someone who needed his pity or solace, but there as his equal, as his lover.
She stilled her fingers as the thought threatened to knock her over. Peeta was absolutely not an option for her. They were from completely different worlds, even if he started out the same way she did. He was now part of a world that she could only pretend to understand.
She watched him for a few more seconds before she scooted across the bed. Peeta released a quiet moan as soon as their connection was broken. She waited for him to settle again before she drew the bedding back, her feet fought to untangle from her long nightgown.
She kicked out of the material before being freed, swinging her legs over the side. With her back to him she stood, her feet hitting the floor boards. She straightened her back and the waves of her dark hair flooded down her back.
Katniss looked to the door. The rational part of her mind told her to move, to not look back, but she couldn't fight the urge to see him there one last time. Against her better judgment Katniss turned around. She felt the need to sigh when her eyes fell on his sleeping form.
The sheets had been pushed down to settle above his groin allowing for a prominent portion of skin to show. His muscular torso blended into a tight well built chest, leading to broad shoulders.
Katniss felt the familiar blush rise through her body but at the same time she was met with a warm humming sensation radiating from below her waist.
His bangs fell below his eyes and she wanted nothing more than to crawl onto the bed, brush the hair from his face and kiss the places where the hair once had been.
Katniss rubbed her face harshly before letting out a strangled breath. She needed to leave the room and quickly.
If she stayed within touching distance of him, it would inevitable; she would end up next to him again. Katniss turned on her heels not looking back even though she desperately wanted to.
The doors felt further away than she remembered and her feet faltered as she tripped on the last few steps, the frame of the door bracing her.
Katniss reached for the door knob, turning it sharply before she slipped through the opened door. She released the door after closing it behind her.
The air around her went cold without having him near but she had to remind herself that Peeta Mellark was not hers to have near.
The soft tickle of hair against his temples caused him to stir. He assumed her dark hair had found its way up to his face. Although when he brushed it away he felt the tug of his own scalp alerting him to the absence of her presence.
Peeta's eyes flew open as he frantically looked beside him to where Katniss should have been. The sheets were pushed down and he could see the slight indentation her body had made.
He was at least pleased that having her near wasn't something he dreamt. His mind then turned to the recurring dream of their kiss and how warm her lips had felt against his. He ached deep down to know if her lips still retained such warmth.
Peeta could feel the empty feeling in his stomach begin to rise. He could still feel the sensation of her hand pressed against his chest, the warmth of her petite body pressed against him.
It had taken all of his will power not to roll over, positioning his body to hover over hers, like he had earlier in the evening when their bodies had been covered in paint.
Peeta reached up, digging the heels of his hands into his closed eyes. He needed to let go of any desire of having her as his own.
Katniss was better off without him or his advances, and she certainly didn't need to remember the boy he had been. After all, if she did, all she would see is the hollow shell of the man left over.
The crunching of dried leaves underneath her boots contributed to the lyrical symphony started by the birds and whistling wind.
Strands of dark hair had worked themselves out of the braid Hazelle had fashioned with her thick hair.
After she had left Peeta's room earlier that day, Katniss had rushed to her room, wanting to put as much distance between she and his sleeping form as she could manage.
She had sunk to the floor, her knees instantly pulled to her chest, as the material of her night gown became caught underneath her feet.
While she was in the midst of feeling sorry for herself, her eyes fell upon the folded set of clothing Hazelle had brought her.
The thought of having to figure out how another summer dress went on was excruciating, which only made the need to wear a comfortable pair of paints even more appealing. She stood up and walked over to the articles of clothing, dressing quickly.
The night gown found its place on the floor as Katniss slipped on the cotton pants and shirt. She breathed in a sigh of relief. She felt much more like herself now.
After she had buttoned up the shirt, she looked down to see a worn pair of boots beside the dresser. She assumed it was another loan from one of Hazelle's sons.
The boots were snug but more welcoming than the dainty sandals Cinna had left.
After she dressed, Katniss left the room, her dark hair still tangled and wild from sleep. When she reached the banister she couldn't help but glance towards Peeta's room.
She closed her eyes imagining the way his body had looked lying on the mattress with the sheets pulled down his toned body.
Katniss shook her head as she let out a small frustrated scream. It was not one loud enough to alert anyone but just enough to chase away the thought of him.
Her feet couldn't take her down the stairs fast enough. Her legs felt heavy and she needed to work off some of the tension which had already settled.
Before she had cleared the last step, Katniss could smell the fresh pastries wafting through the lower half of the house. Her aching hunger replaced the surge of hormones invading her brain.
Katniss could hear her humming before she stepped into the kitchen. The older woman's hair was once again in its normal braided crown, the maze of hair was easy to see as she leaned over the island situating the berry scones.
Katniss watched her carefully move the warm pastry, her nimble fingers gentle with the item of food.
"Well don't just stand there dear. It's rude not to say hello when you enter a room, plus I enjoy talking to you."
Katniss smiled as she approached the long work table," Really?"
"Of course dear, the conversation has already gone stale over the years with only men in my life. My boys, Peeta, and of course Haymitch, have never been ones for conversing."
"Yeah, Haymitch doesn't seem like a chatty person."
Hazelle looked up laughing softly to herself," Well he never was, even when we were kids. He was always getting into fights. He came close to going into the orphan home himself once; his mother wasn't the most patient woman or much of a mother."
"What changed?"
"We all have people who make us see things differently."
Katniss leaned on the island, her arms crossed," So who was it for Haymitch?"
"She was a lot like you, brave, stubborn, kind and intelligent. She was what kept him from that place that tells us we're not good enough."
"So, where is she now?"
Hazelle shook her head," Oh no, I'm not that much of a gossip. You should ask him yourself."
"You're a tease, Hazelle."
Hazelle laughed as she rounded the island to stand behind Katniss," I suppose so." Her hands ran through the girl's dark hair, "How about we braid this hair and then you can eat a bit."
Katniss nodded as Hazelle began to braid the dark strands. It hadn't taken long for her to fix Katniss' hair and it took an even shorter amount of time for the girl to scarf down about three scones.
She jumped down from the stool when Hazelle asked her to take some of the pastries to Haymitch.
Katniss tried to protest because of how their first interaction had turned out but Hazelle had given her that mom tone, effectively causing Katniss to back down.
She had told Katniss where his small cabin was located on the property. The walk was nice but she had already begun to become impatient while her search was turning up empty.
The cloth containing the scones was warm against her palm and she was tempted to eat at least one because the chance of him being lucid was slim to none.
She had smelled the liquor on his breath. Not too mention, the comments Peeta made sometimes led her to believe that Haymitch had a weakness for alcohol.
She was about to give up her search when she came upon a hill. Once she successfully trekked up to the top, a small structure came into view.
She sighed because she knew now she couldn't turn back and legitimately lie to Hazelle about not finding it.
The walk down the hill was quick. The few yards to the dwelling didn't take long to walk.
Katniss was almost to the steps leading to the porch when a string of loud cursing surrounded the side of the house. She clutched the cloth in her hand before she rounded the cabin.
Sure enough he was hunched over throwing pieces of wood to the side while he yelled at a flock of geese nipping at his toes.
Haymitch swatted at one which was now attempting to push him over," Get back you damn bird, I'm going as fast as I can!"
"What are you doing?"
Haymitch gripped the piece of wood, raising it in the air in defense as he whirled around. Katniss jumped back even though she was well out of reach.
"It's just me, Katniss."
"I know, why do you think I have the wood as a weapon?"
Katniss rolled her eyes," I only hit you once."
"And it hurt like a bitch!"
"You scared me!"
"And you just scared me. I think it's only fair I should get to hit you."
"No!"
Haymitch lowered the wood, shrugging," Doesn't matter anyway, the boy would have walloped me for hurting you."
Katniss laughed to herself," Yeah, I assume handmaidens with bruises are poorly looked upon in the Capitol."
Haymitch rose a brow," You think that's why he would have a problem with me hitting you?"
"Why else?"
Haymitch shook his head before turning back to the pile of wood," And I heard you were smart."
Katniss sighed walking up to where he was throwing the wood into a pattern of organization only he could understand. She pushed the cloth full of pastries towards him.
"Here, Hazelle wanted me to bring these to you."
Haymitch reached out without looking, snatching the cloth from her to stuff it into his pocket. Katniss waited for him to acknowledge her presence before she rolled her eyes turning on her heel to walk away.
"So can you build anything or is your education limited to beating poor old men?"
Katniss tensed as she turned around assuming to see him fuming like she was. The smile on his face took her by surprise.
"I can build some things and I'm fast learner."
Haymitch threw a piece of wood at her. She caught it easily before it came near her face," Let's hope so."
"Don't you have to ask Peeta before you build anything? It is his land right?"
"Technically, yes. But after all these years the boy hasn't tried to stop me so I doubt a damn pen for these geese will piss him off."
Katniss shrugged, "Ok."
It was a struggle to build the pen with the gaggle of geese surrounding them. Katniss knocked one on its side because the bird thought that tugging at her braid was something of entertainment.
She had cursed loudly at the goose which earned a genuine laugh from Haymitch.
She was shocked by how much she actually found the surly man likable.
He had been impressed by how she wasn't afraid to endure physical labor; something he said usually annoyed the hell out of him. He assumed he owed it to Peeta however, for putting up with his presence for so long.
When the pen was finally built, Katniss helped him place the birds inside the wooded perimeter.
"How is it that they stayed around?"
"I started feeding them."
"So they're like your pets. That's cute, you were lonely."
Haymitch snorted, "Lonely my ass, I just thought I could fatten them up and eat them later."
Katniss couldn't help but smile at his attempt to look heartless. She watched him closely, his arms were folded over his chest as he watched the birds with a small grin.
"Hazelle was telling me how you knew each other when you were younger."
"Hazelle talks a lot. But yes, we did. She was friends with my wife."
"You were married?"
Haymitch turned on her, his eyes furious," Yes! Is it so hard to imagine?"
"Actually, yes."
Haymitch laughed which surprised her, "I like you. You don't try to bullshit around." Haymitch watched her before a small smile formed under his stubble," You remind me of her."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she could bust my chops with the best of them. Best person I ever knew. But by being my wife, it put her in danger."
"What was her name?"
"Maysilee."
"I like that name."
Haymitch nodded as he looked back over toward the squawking birds," Yeah, me too."
She could feel the touch of his hand next to hers at it brushed up against hers. The forest ground was cool even with the sun shining down, the bright rays breaking the shadows around them.
She could hear his breathing beside her; it was steady and rhythmic, much like when he slept.
When he had initially come to her, she was nervous seeing him for the first time after they had slept together.
Even if there hadn't been anything sexual about their time together, it was still difficult to see him after she had been so vulnerable.
He was slowly chipping away at her resolve. She could feel her defenses lower whenever he was near and it frightened her how safe she felt around him.
After she helped Haymitch with the pen for his geese, Katniss made the walk back to the house. She was at the tree line when she decided to lie beneath the trees for a while before heading back.
She assumed she had been there under the shelter of the trees for a while, stirring only when she heard the sound of footsteps approaching.
The warmth from the sun was gone from her face. Katniss opened her eyes to see Peeta standing over her blocking out the sun. She was shocked to see him but more so, she wanted to run and cower from him.
Peeta stood over her smiling. He had been trying to find her when Hazelle told him she sent her to take something to Haymitch. He guessed she had gotten side tracked on the way back.
He didn't have to search very far as his eyes landed on the tree line. There she was. Katniss was overall pretty predictable. He had to hold back a sigh when he saw her laying there, her arms outstretched.
He didn't want to alarm her. He knew how she was easy to startle but he had felt empty when he woke up without her beside him and he yearned to have her beside him again.
Katniss watched him for the longest time before he sighed walking around her feet to lie beside her on the ground. It was odd for her to see him do something so juvenile. She watched as he settled into the dirt, his fingers moving in the soil.
They had been silent for the longest time, with only their breathing and the tender touches of his hand against hers to prove they weren't alone.
Katniss felt at peace beside him. She felt safe sharing a part of herself with him but she questioned whether it was fair to her to feel such things when it came to him.
"I used to come out here all the time and lie on the ground when I first moved here."
His voice cutting through the silence took her off guard. She turned her head to look at him; his face was closer than she would have guessed.
"Really?"
Peeta nodded still looking up," Yeah. It was the only place for the longest time where I felt safe."
Katniss continued to study his face, "Why don't you come out here anymore?"
"I did for awhile but something was different, it changed somehow."
"Maybe you were the one that changed."
Peeta turned his face towards her, their noses almost touching," Maybe." He searched her face, her gray eyes threatening to swallow him whole, "The reason why I came out here was to find you, to tell you that we'll be needed in the Capitol in a couple of days."
Katniss felt her heart drop," So soon?"
"Well not on official business, but the dignitaries like to host this fancy party every year and I think it's a good time to introduce you to society."
"I've heard of the Capitol balls, I just never thought I would be attending one."
"You'll be fine and I'll be there the whole time with you."
"I know, it's just—"
"Katniss, I have faith in you and you should have the same trust in yourself."
"It's not that, it's that I don't know how to dance."
Peeta tried not to laugh in her face but he was panicked she was going to say something more serious.
He threaded his fingers through hers, sitting up, pulling her up with him as he stood. Katniss was confused but she allowed him to pull her to her feet in spite of it.
"I'm going to teach you."
Katniss looked stricken," Here?"
Peeta's brow rose," Why Miss Everdeen, are you too proper to dance in the woods with me?"
Katniss feigned being insulted," Never."
Peeta let a deep laugh escape his lips," Alright then. Now, put your hand on my shoulder and the other one like this," Peeta said as he grabbed her hand in his.
Katniss nodded, doing as he instructed. Having him so close to her was almost suffocating but in a light headed kind of way.
Peeta struggled to control his breathing as he looked down into her eyes. When his pelvis brushed against her waist, he could feel his body shiver.
She followed his guidance even though she would occasionally step on his feet. She felt in sync with him.
Peeta surprised her when he extended his arm to twirl her before bringing her body back to his. She collided with his chest a little to roughly causing her to laugh out loud. She felt almost giddy having him laugh with her. They almost felt normal.
Peeta smiled down at her when they had found their footing again," See? You're already getting the hang of it."
Katniss looked into his blue eyes, her mind racing. She knew she had to be honest with him," I shouldn't have left this morning the way I did."
"It's alright; Hazelle needed you to do something."
"No, Peeta. I mean when I left your bed. I should have at least waited to say goodbye."
"Katniss, you don't owe me any justification."
"I know but I wanted to explain because you didn't have to allow me to share your bed."
Peeta shrugged," What can I say? I've always had a soft spot for pretty girls."
Katniss stilled her feet causing Peeta to almost trip," You shouldn't say those kinds of things to me."
Peeta released his hold on her waist before he untwined his fingers with hers, "You're right. I shouldn't have come here, I know better."
Katniss watched as he turned to walk out of the forest, leaves still clung to his white button up shirt. She wanted to run to him, to apologize for being so blunt, but she knew as much as he did that they had been flirting with danger for awhile.
Katniss knew she had to come to terms with the fact that she and Peeta would never have a relationship where holding each other close was something permitted.
But he already had a hold on her and having him so close to her in a place she saw as solace only deepened the feelings she had had previously.
A/N: Another update should be up in a day. And as always, Review, Review!
