A/N: People kept interrupting me every time I sat down to finish this! Ridiculous. Sorry this is like a week (and a crap load of months) late. We're hitting the home stretch now, I guess. You might notice some similarities to a certain IS episode and an early chapter of Don't Stand. Just saying. Oh and a new character will be seen for a tad. I wouldn't worry about her much. I'm only using her for her abilities. ;]
7 more.
I thought I had something else to add, but my mind likes to play tricks on me, so I'm sure I'll remember it after I've posted this...as usual. Oh! Wait. This isn't it, but Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah...etc. etc. I highly doubt you'll get a new Don't Stand chapter out of me before the New Year, but stranger things have been known to happen. Either that or something else might get updated. You never know. I live to surprise you guys with the ways I can procrastinate and manage to update a story at the same time. ;]
THANKS: to you.
Abby: Thank you! Whoa! I'm trying. Yes, I agree. lol. That remains to be seen. ;]
Disclaimer: A/N at the bottom. Mistakes are my own.
R&R or R&L please.
THANKS MUCHO!
From "G-Major Showcase":
She locked eyes with him for a beat and he swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry.
Her face said it all.
He needed to make a choice.
Don't Stand So Close To Me
Chapter 34
"21"
The bass bumped through his headphones and he nodded his head in time. The gritty sound of the guitar had him smiling. It was perfection. A hand tapped him on the shoulder and he shot out of his chair, the cord of his headphones ripping from the soundboard in front of him. His chair fell over and his eyes narrowed. "Would it have killed you to make a little noise? You scared the shit out of me," Kwest yelled over the recording that was now blaring in the studio.
A smirk painted Tommy's face. "Knock, knock," he said, mockingly tapping the soundboard with his left hand.
Kwest clenched his jaw and removed his headphones from his ears, hanging them around his neck. Then he turned to the soundboard and turned the volume down. The studio filled with silence and Tommy felt his body clench. It was now or never.
Tommy cleared his throat awkwardly. "Do you have a minute?"
Kwest, in the process of picking up his chair, stopped for a beat and said, "For Tommy Quincy? Never." He flipped the chair upright and pushed it back to its previous home.
Tom rolled his eyes.
Kwest turned the chair towards Tommy, plopped down in it, and folded his hands in his lap. "What's up, man?"
Tommy glanced back at his friend, feeling the pressure of having his full, immediate attention. He bit his bottom lip and started to look for another chair. He was definitely going to need it.
Kwest narrowed his eyes and sat up straighter. If Tommy was nervous, this was a big deal.
Tommy pulled the other swivel chair from the wall and immediately sat in it, afraid that at any given moment, his legs would give out on him. He waited a few seconds, taking a deep breath, and then he began. "I'm going to come clean with Jude," he said calmly.
Kwest looked away at the soundboard before responding. This was huge. What he'd always wanted Tom to do. "Are you sure that's the right decision?"
Tommy's eyes widened and he leaned forward in his chair. "Wait, what? You've been on me about it since Day One and now you don't think I should do it?"
A smirk formed on Kwest's face and he shook his head. "That's not what I said. I asked if you were sure it's right."
Tommy bit his bottom lip. "It's right."
Kwest nodded. "I'm going to back your play then. I'm glad this session actually worked this time around." He'd been around for so many hospital visits and trips to a "rehab" facility that after a while, Kwest gave up on actually thinking they'd work. But then Tommy called him last year and things seemed…different. He'd taken everything seriously for once. He wasn't going through the motions like he had before. Maybe he was serious about Jude.
Tommy smiled. "Me too."
The room filled with a comfortable silence and Kwest leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. "So you're going to break up with Sam then."
Tommy didn't respond.
"Tommy." Kwest's voice was hard.
He sighed, glancing at the soundboard. "I'm figuring it out."
Kwest shook his head, never taking his eyes off of the ceiling. Well, there went that idea. Tommy hadn't changed a bit. "You can't tell Jude the truth and expect for things to stay the same. Something is going to happen. You either tell her and make sure she knows nothing can happen or you tell her and break things off with Sam. It's not fair to either of them."
Tommy nodded silently. He knew Kwest was right. He knew before he had even said it. But there was still a part of him that feared he'd resort to his old ways if he let go of Sam. It only fueled his need to tell Jude that much more. Once she knew all there was to know, then maybe he wouldn't have to rely on Sam anymore.
"When do you think you're going to do this?"
Tommy bit his bottom lip. "Georgia is giving us the next couple of days off because of Jude's birthday, but I'm thinking about taking her to Vancouver."
Kwest's eyes widened and he sat up quickly. "You're going to have her visit C?"
Tommy nodded. It was the only way that made sense to him. "Yeah. I figure if I'm going to lay it all out on the line, she needs to see it firsthand."
"That's the smartest thing I've heard you say – ever," Kwest said, smiling.
-M-
The pins pressed into her side, not breaking any skin, but not making the venture any more comfortable. The fabric made her itch. The fluorescent lights made her skin look pasty. The floor-length mirror made her look bloated. She swayed to the side, thinking it would change the way she felt about the dress. It didn't.
"I'm going to stick you if you keep moving like that."
Jude bit her bottom lip, keeping the retort she had on the edge of her lips hidden. All she really wanted to do was rip the dress off and get back into the studio with Tommy.
Not that she wanted to see Tommy, per se, but he was her producer.
She looked down. Portia Mills stared back at her with a smile. Jude didn't hate her – it was more like uneasiness that filled her veins every time she was around the woman. Not only was she her former principal's sister, but she had also dated Mr. Quincy. Tommy.
"How's the soon-to-be birthday girl holding up?"
Speak of the devil.
Tommy Quincy stood in the doorway of Wardrobe with a large smile on his face and a stack of papers underneath his arm. Portia glanced at him and smiled widely. He forced his face muscles to keep the smile in place as he looked back at her. What she had inadvertently given him would always be held over his head, even if she didn't know it. Jude gazed at him through the mirror she faced, placing a tight smile on her face. Tommy glanced at her quickly as if he didn't want Jude to notice him staring at her. The room filled with silence and it made Portia edgier than she'd been in a long time. She quickly finished the hem and stood up, inspecting her work. Though she'd finished the alterations rather quickly, she'd give herself a pat on the back if anyone asked. "What do you think?"
"It's hot," Jude said.
Portia silently sighed. The tone of Jude's voice was forced and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why she continued to respond that way to everything she had asked her. Wardrobe-centric questions or not. "You hate it." It wasn't a question because Portia didn't need to ask to know the truth.
"No…"
It was written all over her client's face. "Don't lie to me, Jude." Portia frowned.
"It's pretty, but…" Jude started, glancing at Portia through the mirror.
"It's not you," Tommy said. Portia briefly caught eyes with Tommy. She'd almost forgotten he was there. Almost.
"Yeah," Jude said, nodding.
Portia waited a beat, realizing she wasn't going to get anywhere with Jude if she had Tommy on her team. She needed Jude alone again. "I think I'm going to need more coffee," Portia said as she walked to the door Tommy was currently standing in. "Think about one of the other dresses." Then she was gone.
Jude picked at the fabric. A sigh sounded and Jude jumped. A pin pricked at her rib and she grimaced before looking up. She had wanted to pretend Tommy wasn't standing behind her, but obviously that wasn't going to work. Her eyes locked on the mirror and blue eyes stared back at her.
"Having fun?"
Jude wanted to give him a pointed look because she knew he was just baiting her, but feeling the pin scratch her skin stopped her. She debated for a moment about whether or not she should ask for Tommy's help. "Can you help me out of this dress?"
Tommy's eyes widened slightly and then he walked up behind her. His hands easily pulled at the zipper. Jude held the front of her dress close to her body with her arms. "The dress is kind of ugly."
She had wanted to laugh, but another pick grazed her skin. "Shit," Jude murmured.
"What's wrong?" Tommy's brow furrowed as he stared at Jude's bare back and he stopped unzipping, holding his hands in place. His fingers itched to graze her skin and he had to fight back the need to do so.
"You scared me earlier and a pin pricked me," Jude said, biting her bottom lip. She stared at the tiled floor, too afraid to look at Tommy.
Tommy sighed softly and resumed unzipping her dress. Once he reached the end, he could see the smallest amount of black lace against her skin. His whole body heated. No bra and lacy underwear? He had only ever been introduced to cotton. This was so new. "I've been doing that a lot lately," he said, his voice strained.
"Pricking people with pins?" Jude asked with a smirk. She had wanted to comment on Tommy's tone of voice, but knew it wasn't her place. Hell, what she had asked him to do for her was against everything she had told herself she would allow when it came to Tommy. But after her song at the G-Major showcase, she'd eased up on him. The walls she had slowly been building for a year were starting to crack. And she wasn't doing a damn thing to stop them.
Jude tightened her grasp on her unzipped dress. She didn't need to add another stupid thing to her list with Tommy by flashing him. Tommy smiled at her retreating form as he watched her walk behind a changing screen. "Did Portia pick that for you?"
Jude cocked her head from behind the screen. "She is the stylist." Jude placed the dress on the hanger Portia had given her earlier and hung it up on the rack next to the screen.
"The bow is her signature."
Jude should have been surprised that Tommy knew these kinds of things about a person that he wasn't really supposed to know. After all, he said he was a teacher. How would he know a stylist as a teacher? But Jude knew that there were secrets Tommy was keeping from her that had little to do with the life he had lead with Angie. "You've known her long?" Jude asked as she placed a robe around her shoulders. She didn't know why she had asked. She already knew the answer.
Tommy stopped breathing. Shit. "Uh…"
"I sense a story." Jude smiled to herself. She hadn't expected the conversation, but she would welcome it if it eased her mind. Then she rolled her eyes. Not one of her talks with Tom had given her any sort of peace. Was she naïve enough to think that they would now?
"Portia recommended Carson Hill. Her brother is Mr. Mills, your principal." This Jude already knew. Not because Tommy had told her himself, but because Portia had told her when she'd asked about her life before G-Major.
Jude walked out from behind the screen, tying a knot securely around her waist. Tommy's mouth went dry. She was wearing little more than a silk robe. The champagne pink fabric lay tight against her skin and if she turned just a little more to her left, he was sure he'd be able to see her nipples. This was all kinds of wrong. He cleared his throat. "We also went out a few times," he said weakly.
Jude took a sit in a plastic chair that sat in front of the changing screen. She took great care to keep her robe as close to her body as possible. "Pre-Angie or Post-Angie?"
Even though he could barely focus on her words, Tommy was able to answer her. "Post."
Jude nodded silently. It was obvious that there was still so much that she didn't know about Tom. Their relationship, in many ways, was still in the same place it had been a year ago. And it kind of hurt.
Tommy took advantage of Jude's silence and changed the subject. There was only so much talking about his past he could deal with in one day. "So are you excited for your party?"
Jude almost frowned. And that was the end of the conversation. She wanted more. Instead she answered his question with a shrug. "I don't know."
"Is it cause of the dress?"
"No, it's just a lot to take in. 21 is big, I guess. I just don't know if I'm ready to accept where my life is at right now. It's great, but I think I'll always want more."
"There's nothing wrong with more. You just have to decide what you want and go for it."
A faint smile appeared on Jude's face. She looked up at Tommy. "I want – "
"So have you decided on a dress yet, Superstar?"
Jude glanced over Tommy's shoulder. Portia stood in the doorway, a coffee mug in her hands. "Um…"
Tommy silently sighed. They really needed to stop being interrupted. "I'll be in Studio B when you're done…Superstar." He winked at her and then turned to leave.
"Right," she whispered.
-M-
The red up lights glowed brightly in the dim room and the music bounced off the walls, buzzing in her head. She tightened her grip on the champagne flute and forced a smile on her face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw some of her friends and family standing around a few red satin-covered belly bar tables. She wanted nothing more than to run over to them, but considering she was wearing sky-high stilettos that she didn't really know how to walk in that probably wasn't a great idea.
"Smile!"
Another photographer jumped in front of her and the group of investors she had been listening to pooled around her, drinks raised high. She'd lost count of how many pictures had been taken and the fake smile on her face broadened when all she really wanted to do was roll her eyes. The flash went off and she was engulfed in Armani Code. Her throat tightened and he was there, right in front of her, gelled hair and bright, white smile. The small amount of champagne she had consumed swirled in her stomach and he caught her eye for a second. Then he winked at her as he immersed himself into her group.
"Jimmy, how are the kids?" he said, loudly.
Without a second thought, she saddled up next to him. "What are you doing?" she whispered.
As Jimmy continued to rant on about his five-year-old twin girls and nine-year-old soccer star of a son, Tommy whispered back at her. "I sat Kat and Jamie near the bar. If you run quickly, you'll make it."
Soft laughter poured from her lips and the boredom that had housed itself in her body slipped away. "Thanks," she said.
"No problem," Tommy said, winking back at her. She bit her bottom lip, feeling the rest of her body tense. Why did he have to wink? It was probably just as bad as if he'd copped a feel right then and there.
She turned toward the bar when Tommy reached out and grabbed her arm. Jude stopped and then Jimmy shouted loudly about some new venture he was working on that Tommy would be oh so perfect for. Tommy leaned down near Jude and whispered, "You so owe me."
"How about we just call it a gift for the Birthday Girl, huh?" she said, raising her flute to him.
A wolfish smile filled his face and he let go of her arm before raising his highball glass back at her.
Jude clenched her jaw, turning to walk away again. It was going to be a long night.
-M-
Music continued to vibrate through the room as he leaned against the makeshift bar, watching everyone continued to party. They'd sung Happy Birthday and Jude's surprise birthday present had been revealed – a vintage Fiesta Red Fender Stratocaster. He'd hung in the back of the crowd, watching her as she took in the excitement of a momentous birthday. Her face maintained a rose blush and her eyes sparkled amongst the flashes from the numerous cameras.
He had to continually remind himself that he had a girlfriend. It was beginning to become a problem and Kwest's words from the day before sounded in his head every time he had an inappropriate thought.
It's not fair to either of them.
He'd deal with the status of his relationships later, but now, he had a more pressing matter. He fingered his right breast pocket and felt the hard plastic housed there. He hadn't placed his gift amongst the rest because he didn't really feel like it deserved to be there. Despite everything he had told himself, this was special. What they had was special and this was a part of it.
From the corner of his eye, he spotted her. She took a sip from her flute and then placed it on a belly bar table. He, in turn, lifted his glass to his mouth and took one last sip from it, the ice clinking against the glass. He turned toward the bar, placing his highball next to a set of cocktail napkins. He waited a beat and then he saw her slip out the back door into the alleyway, glancing once over her shoulder. He sighed, wiping the condensation that ran down his hand onto his pants and pushed himself off of the bar.
His eyes looked over his shoulder, searching for a blonde. When he didn't see her, he walked to the back door and pushed the safety bar. The door squeaked open and he reminded himself he needed to have maintenance oil the hinges. He glanced out into the alleyway and saw her leaning against the railing. Even though he was absolutely positive she was aware of his presence, Jude didn't make a move. She wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.
The cold air seeped through his tuxedo, but he didn't turn back. A small smile painted Tommy's lips as he walked toward her. "Do you want to talk?"
"Talking has never gotten us anywhere," she said, her voice laced in sadness.
He nodded. "True. But we're both different people now."
She scoffed.
"You begged to differ?"
"Maybe."
He paused, hoping she'd elaborate. And she did, just not in the way he thought she would. "I can't sleep at night, I barely eat full meals anymore, and I'm bugging the shit out Kwest."
An eyebrow raised. He thought back to the day prior when she'd asked him to help with her dress and he realized he hadn't noticed any of it. He closed his eyes, wanting to punch himself for not paying closer attention to her. He had been thinking with the wrong head…as usual. "So you and Kwest are really getting along, aren't you?"
She bit back a laugh. Of all the things she had said that was what was most important to him. Really? "Yeah. So weird, right?"
Tommy nodded, thinking back to the first time they met.
"He saw me perform in Boston and then offered me a contract. He was the saving grace I didn't know I needed."
When Tommy and Jude first began recording together, he'd asked her about she became a part of G-Major. But she always changed the subject. He never understood why. She wasn't feeding him much now, but he'd take whatever he could get.
And she wasn't going to feed him much more he realized when she stayed silent.
He took a deep breath, realizing that they were continuing a conversation they'd already started. "I know this doesn't make anything easier, but I'm really glad you're here."
He heard her scoff softly. Then she turned and faced him completely. "If this were just about the music, I'd say the same thing." She took a deep breath. "But we both know that's not the case anymore."
"Jude – "
"I'm not done."
"I want to badly to pretend that I don't feel anything when I see you now. It would make everything so much easier. But we don't do easy, do we?"
Tommy laughed, not because her statement was particularly funny, but because it was true. "I never wanted you to feel this way, Jude."
She nodded, but she never truly believed him. "I know, but isn't the road to hell paved with good intentions?"
His jaw tightened. He probably deserved that. He sighed. "So I was foolish to think that you leaving to Berklee was going to change the way you felt about me?"
Jude bit her bottom lip. "Maybe not foolish, but you certainly underestimated how deep my feelings went. I mean, you practically pulled on a gun on me and I still loved you."
His conscience caused him to look away. Instead of addressing Jude's last statement (he knew that it deserved an entirely different conversation), he focused on something he'd thought a lot about since the G-Major showcase. "Did you ever try?"
Jude's face furrowed in confusion. "What?"
"Did you actually try to get over me?"
"At first I didn't feel a need to, but making up excuses as to why I didn't or couldn't go out with someone because really exhausting after a while. My roommate badgered me with all these questions and finally I just told her."
"You told her about us?"
Jude laughed. "God no! We've kept this hidden for so long. I'm not stupid."
"Jude, I – "
"I just told her I had gotten dumped and had a hard time moving on."
Guilt filled his veins. She didn't seem sad anymore. She said it like it was true and that's what killed him more.
"My roommate didn't back off though. It became a game to her and she'd make me go out with these random guys we'd see around." Tommy's eyes widened. "Sometimes it was fun, a little comic relief, no pressure. Other times it was pure torture."
"That's not really smart, Jude."
She rolled her eyes, a smile painting her face. She didn't need him to play the adult card. It hadn't helped before. It certainly wasn't going to help now. "Then there was Mike, my teaching assistant."
Tommy bit his bottom lip, feeling his stomach clench, jealousy warming his blood.
Jude looked away, toward the street where New York's nightlife was in full force. "He was…charismatic. And I felt like I needed something to…" She mumbled the end of her sentence.
"What did you say?" he asked, moving his head closer so that he could hear her.
"Something to get rid of you."
Her words were like sucker punch, but he refused to react. He wanted to show her just how different he truly was.
Jude sighed. "So we, you know, went out one night and that was it. What I thought I wanted wasn't what I got."
Tommy's eyes narrowed. "That was it? You went out and that was it?"
Jude bit back a smirk. Though she was not proud of what happened that night, the idea that it could Tommy squirm was enough for her to be honest. "It was one night of bad decisions, so you might as well go out with a bang, right?"
Tommy sighed and covered his face with one of his hands. She slept with him just to finish off the night? Fuck. "You're starting to sound like me," he whispered.
She laughed. "Not quite."
Silence filled the alleyway.
His eyes focused on her profile. "I'm sorry…for everything."
She turned her face towards him. "I wish it were enough."
Me too, he thought. Me too.
Jude watched the street for a few more minutes. Then she sighed and turned. She began to speak at the same time as Tommy. "Maybe we should head – "
"Jude – "
She raised her hands, surprised by the sudden lack of space between their bodies. They landed on his chest and she could feel his heart beating rapidly underneath his tux.
A second later and he had her pressed up against the wall behind them. She could feel the cold brick digging into the skin of her back. Her hands braced themselves on his upper arms, the muscles flexing rapidly. She felt the heat of their bodies, radiating between them, hiding the cold from the night air. Then she looked up, his bright blue eyes locking with hers. In another life, another world, this would have been it. If she'd let it happen.
But she couldn't.
She placed her hands on his chest and he leaned down, closer to her face. She could feel his breath against her lips. And then she said it.
"You should go."
She closed her eyes so she wouldn't see the surprise, pain, whatever in his face. Surprise…pain that had been written on her face once upon a time. He didn't move away, his hands still holding her to him.
"Jude," he whispered.
She realized he was trying to persuade her into…something. But she wasn't ready to take the bait. He was half-right about them changing – she certainly had.
"You should go," she said again, this time louder, clearer. With her hands, she pushed him away. She opened her eyes and she felt his hands slip from her – the warmth replaced by cold.
His jaw clenched and she wanted to be angry, but she wasn't. She was saddened by the fact that he didn't see how wrong their actions were. He had a girlfriend and she wasn't Jude.
He watched her for a few beats, words on the edge of his lips. But their conversation had come back full force and he knew if he didn't walk away at that moment, anything he hoped for would be crushed.
He reached inside his tux to the pocket that lay underneath his lapel. He pulled out the gift he had been saving and placed it in her open hands.
She watched him walk back into the building, his posture a little sunken. Closing her eyes, she sighed. This was not going to get any easier. She clenched her hands and felt it. The hard plastic of a cd case.
One given to her by Tommy Quincy.
-M-
The blanket hung over her shoulders as she stared at the stereo across from her. It had been two hour since she'd left the alleyway to find her party ending and Tommy nowhere to be found. Not that she would have been able to face him after what had happened. She still couldn't wrap her head around it all. What game was he playing at? Did he want something from her? Or was he finally making a decision?
She sighed, fingering the remote in her hand lightly. She'd placed the cd Tommy had given her into her player the moment she'd walked through her front door, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to press play.
Instead, she'd stared at the cd cover that came with case, rereading the words he'd written over and over again until they had imprinted themselves into her brain.
To The Birthday Girl,
I know this isn't much of a present, but I hope that in time, I'll be able to make it up to you. You have always wanted more than I could give you. I asked for time and space and you gave them to me with little objection.
I'm ready now.
If you still want your answers, check your e-mail.
-Mr. Quincy
Her bedroom stood quiet and she took a deep breath. She pressed the power button. A few seconds pass as she held her breath and the cd fed its way through the player. Then the whisper of Tommy's voice filled the room.
"I Won't Hold You Back, Take 1."
Jude closed her eyes as the piano intro started.
If I had another chance tonight
I'd try to tell you that the things we had were right
Time can't erase the love we shared
But it gives me time to realize just how much you cared
Now you're gone, I'm really not the same
I guess I have myself to blame
Time can't erase the things we said
But it gives me time to realize that you're the one instead
She thought back to the night Tommy left. How one part of her was surprised he was leaving and the other was relieved she didn't have to try so hard anymore.
But as time passed by and she moved to Boston, his presence stayed by her like a shadow.
You know I won't hold you back now
The love we had just can't be found
You know I can't hold you back now
It was obvious he hadn't written the song recently. The song was just a reaffirmation of his decision to leave a year ago. That he loved her like he had said, but that they both needed time and space to grow.
She couldn't fault him for that. No matter how much she wanted to. Because she was happy with the person she was now. Even if that girl was still in love with him.
Now that I'm alone it gives me time
To think about the years that you were mine
Time can't erase the love we shared
But it gives me time to realize just how much you cared
Jude opened her eyes, a wide smile painted on her face. Everyone said hindsight was 20/20. Maybe Tommy had finally figured it out. She had given everything she had thought she could give to their relationship and as the months passed, she realized he hadn't let her in the way she'd always hoped he would. Maybe now he understood how much she'd actually loved him.
You know I won't hold you back now
The love we had just can't be found
You know I can't hold you back now
You know I won't hold you back now,
The love we had just can't be found
Listen to me, baby
You know I can't hold you back now
"Do you really think you should be out here?"
She laid her head down on her pillow, listening to the song fade. Her eyes began to water, but she didn't stop the tears. She pressed repeat and again, the sound of a piano filled her room.
She closed her eyes and tightened her grip on her blanket. Her breathing steadied and Tommy's voice carried her into sleep.
A/N: Preview
Don't Stand So Close To Me
Chapter 35
"A Trip Around The World"
Teasers will be posted shortly. Check my profile for them. :]
Song info: "I Won't Hold You Back" by Toto