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Chapter Five
The air in the room was stifling and she could feel the deep ache in her chest spread to the rest of her body. She had spent most of the night leaning up against the closed door with only short boughts of rest.
After Peeta had left her in the forest, Katniss had laid back down on the ground, the soil cool to the touch as warm tears slid down the sides of her face to land in the dirt. She felt a connection between them when he allowed her to see a glimpse of the boy he hid away.
Katniss had wanted to tell him how much she had been waiting for him to be honest with her. She thought she knew that piece of him from when they had covered each other in paint, but having his body pressed to hers as he taught her to dance amongst the trees, was something much more. Instead of worrying about his honesty, she was concerned with her own grief over something she could never have, her face streaked with dirt and tears.
She hadn't entered the house until late, purposefully waiting until she knew Hazelle would have left for her own home.
She had wanted to go to him, to lie in his bed with him, to lose herself in the touch of his warm body. But she knew it wasn't fair to either of them to be intimate even in the most innocent of ways. With a sigh she pushed herself off of the floor using the door as leverage, her bare feet sliding against the floor boards as the cracks scraped her skin.
When she was finally erect, Katniss looked down to her clothing; she still had the outfit that Hazelle had given her on. She tried to smooth out the wrinkles but the task was beginning to seem fruitless. Sighing in defeat, she turned to the door, opening it quietly. She didn't want to disturb Peeta if he had fallen asleep. She doubted that he had been up the entire night mulling over every detail of what had happened between them.
Stepping through, she pulled the door closed, her hands still on the knob while she faced forward. When she heard the click, signifying the door as closed; Katniss released the door knob, turning towards the stairs. She was halfway there when the doors to Peeta's bedroom opened. Her entire body froze and she couldn't help the sudden anxiety she felt, or the overwhelming concern she had over her appearance.
Peeta had been walking with his head down but he froze as soon as he spotted her bare feet. Everything began to move in slow motion as his eyes traveled up her body to eventually stop at her eyes. Her dark hair had for the most part escaped from the braid lying down her back. Her soft wispy curls framed her face and Peeta found himself involuntarily gulping.
He had stayed up most of the night pacing the floor between his bed and the door. A few times he actually made it, his hand hovering over the door knob, but quickly he would draw his hand back and rush back over to his bed.
She was driving him mad, utterly insane with just being in the same space as him. He wasn't positive how long he would be able to last before he threw all reservations out and brought her body to his.
Peeta had become lost in his own thoughts until he heard her clearing her throat loudly.
"Good morning."
Peeta forced a smile," Morning. How did you sleep?"
Katniss felt light headed from the lack of sleep and his presence," Good? And you?"
"Good."
Katniss nodded. She forced her feet to move which proved to be especially difficult when her legs felt heavy and unstable.
When she made it to the banister, she was surprised that he had walked the few feet there to meet her.
Katniss reached out gripping the railing, her knuckles beginning to lose all of their color. She nearly jumped back when his warm hand covered hers. Katniss could feel her body already beginning to shake.
Peeta stepped into her, his body dangerously close to hers and she could feel his breath moving the stray hair around her face. With the close proximity, Peeta was able to increase the pressure, as he gently squeezed her hand.
"I lied. I didn't sleep well. I spent most of the night pacing the floor."
"Why?"
"Because having you in my bed, having you lie against me, has been one of the rare instances I've ever felt at peace and I wanted it back."
Katniss breathed in deeply trying to gain her strength before she turned her head to look into his blue eyes," I slept up against the door," she sighed.
As she searched his face, his blond bangs fell into his face covering most of his eyes. Katniss reached up with her free hand moving the strands, trapping them temporarily behind his ear. "I missed being able to sleep next to you too."
Katniss kept her hand against his face as her fingers curled next to his skin. Her nails gently brushed the stubble that formed at his jaw line. Peeta leaned into her touch and Katniss could feel her heart tighten.
Peeta's voice came out quiet," What we're doing, it's dangerous."
Katniss nodded," I know. We're being incredibly stupid."
Peeta could feel himself being swallowed up in her gray eyes," Yes, we are."
Peeta could feel himself leaning forward, his breathing catching in his throat. He felt the movement of her body and all he could feel was longing.
They were inches from each other when the creaking of a floor board at the end of the stairs alerted them to a visitor, causing the both of them to jump apart. Katniss balled her hand in a fist; she could still feel the warmth from his skin.
Katniss looked down at her feet sheepishly as Peeta crossed his arms trying to look casual. Neither one attempted to look at the other. Hazelle came into view at the bottom of the stairs. By the look on her face, Peeta assumed she hadn't seen them, at least one thing that had gone right.
"Oh good, you're both already up. That ludicrous prep team of yours is on their way to prepare the both of you for the Capitol Ball tonight. Lord knows why it takes all day to get ready for a blasted party, but who I am to judge? I'm only a lonely district born."
Peeta sighed at her sarcasm but was thankful to have something to distract him from having Katniss still too close," Hazelle, does it always have to be this way with you and Capitol people."
Hazelle wrinkled her brow as though she was in deep thought before her eyes were wide again," Yes!"
Peeta leaned his head back as he exhaled a heavy exasperated breath," Seriously every time they set foot in the district, it has to become this huge thing."
"Do not try to minimize my feelings that way. I have every right to be annoyed by those narcissistic weirdoes."
Peeta began to walk down the steps to meet Hazelle at the bottom," Maybe they think the same thing about you? Shouldn't you try to be tolerable?"
Hazelle pointed her finger at him, as he settled at the last step," Do not lecture me on tolerance. I have raised four boys and if we're to be utterly honest, you gave me more trouble than any of my other boys."
Peeta shook his head as he walked past her," There's no way I was worse than Gale."
Hazelle gave a glance to Katniss at the top of the stairs before she turned to follow Peeta into the kitchen," Oh, so it wasn't your idea to push each other down the hill in barrels?"
"Absolutely not, it was Gale's idea."
Katniss could hear their laughing until it faded out leaving her alone leaning against the banister. The feel of Peeta's skin against hers becoming just a memory.
After the prep team arrived, she and Peeta were separated into their respected rooms. She was pushed through the door by one of the insistent technicians and Katniss found it difficult to differentiate between the two females based upon how many times each one changed their appearance.
Katniss snuck a glance at Peeta's retreating form. To her dismay he had already been watching her and she felt foolish for being caught.
The embarrassment soon began to dissipate as they formed another connection, each watching the other as the prep team squabbled.
Soon Cinna came up the stairs to assign the scheduled time line for their preparation. The woman with the tattooed breasts grabbed Katniss forcefully by the arm, pulling her forward until the image of Peeta was gone. She was ordered to stand in the middle of the room.
After a few minutes Cinna entered the room, his hand at his jaw as he studied her, circling her form. Katniss stood there frozen.
Having him watch her so closely was making her uncomfortable, when suddenly he slapped his hands together. She jumped a bit at the loud crack.
"I have the perfect gown for you to wear."
"Gown? Shouldn't I wear a dress?"
Cinna laughed softly as the woman snickered, a sound made more out of malice than anything else, "Katniss, a gown is a dress."
Katniss felt foolish," Oh," she looked over to the woman who looked at her with pity. Katniss stuck out her tongue in response.
Cinna chuckled at her gesture," Peeta was right. You are a spitfire."
Katniss turned to him as he hung up a garment bag, "He said that? Does he say anything else… about me?"
Cinna turned to her, watching her face closely before answering," Yes. In fact, it's how I came up with your dress for tonight."
"It is?"
"Yes."
Cinna unzipped the bag, while his other hand reached in, pulling the fabric free. Deep green fabric fell loose covering the floor boards. The silk fabric rushed around Cinna's finger's like water. Katniss couldn't hold back the contented sigh escaping her throat.
Throwing the bag to the floor as soon as the dress was free, Cinna walked over to her. He held the dress to her body as he stood in front of her, the floor length mirror reflecting her image back at her.
The neckline dipped down low enough to show some cleavage but not enough that she would have to be careful about bending over. Clean hands formed the gown as it traveled down to her bare feet.
"You're going to look incredible."
"Thanks to you."
Cinna shook his head," No. I can dress up something up but if it's ugly to begin with there's nothing clothes can do. You only have what you bring naturally… and you my dear are a beautiful young woman."
Katniss looked to his reflection, tears filling her eyes," Thank you."
Cinna stepped away from her as he situated the gown on the bed. He waved his hand to the woman instructing her to begin. The woman forcefully began to unbutton Katniss' shirt, before she slapped her hand away.
"I can undress myself, thank you. I don't need your help to put the gown on."
Cinna shook his head," Katniss, there's so much work to be done before we even begin to dress you."
Katniss looked frightened," Please don't make me do it." Katniss searched the room for an exit," Do I really have to wax every time? Have some mercy!"
Peeta stood at the bottom of the railing, his hands inside of his pockets, as he nervously waited for her to ascend the stairs.
He resumed pacing the space in front of the stairs as his anxiety increased. This would be the first extended period of time since the train ride to twelve that he and Katniss would be alone.
He would no longer be able to hide her from the Capitol because tonight she would be presented to society as a lady, with everything riding on her ability to succeed.
It would be accurate to conclude that most of his financial standing, if not all, comes from the Capitol, but even worse was the fact that if she failed, Katniss would be executed or worse.
But if he was being honest with himself, Peeta would have to admit that what troubled him most was the fact that Katniss would be eligible for courting after tonight.
This meant if she caught the attention of any eligible bachelor, he would be able to call upon her, ultimately ending in an engagement and then marriage. And having to broker a marriage for the woman he loves would tear his heart out. Even the assumption of doing so made him ache.
Peeta stopped his pacing to smooth his formal wear. The clean lines of the black jacket emphasized his broad shoulders. He had fought against the prep team when they had wanted to style his hair back, ultimately trapping his bangs in product.
Peeta refused, the memory of Katniss sweeping the hair behind his ears was permanently at the front of his mind. The off chance of her reaching towards his face was worth having to deal with the aggravation of having hair block his view.
Peeta was deep in thought when the sound of someone clearing their throat alerted him. He spun around immediately. He couldn't help the disappointment running down his body when Cinna's form came into view.
"She's almost ready; we're just adding a few more touches."
Peeta nodded as he pulled his hands free of his pockets to cross his arms over his chest," I heard some screaming before."
Cinna furrowed his brow before a smile curled at his lips," Oh, yes of course…waxing."
"Now the screaming has context. I'm incredibly grateful for being a man."
Cinna narrowed his eyes, studying Peeta," Why are you babbling? I haven't heard you babble since you were fifteen. You're only like this when you're really nervous."
"I have a lot riding on her performance tonight. I can only pray that she doesn't let us all down."
Peeta straightened his back as he held his ground. He hoped that Cinna couldn't see through his lie because if he couldn't fool him, there was a chance that the wrong person would see the effect she has on him.
Cinna entertained the idea of pressing the issue but instead decided to cease, "Alright, very well.
Peeta felt defensive under Cinna's watch but he came to the realization that seeming emotional over the issue would give rise to more suspicion.
Cinna stepped down from the stairs to stand beside Peeta when the opening of the bedroom door upstairs was heard. Peeta could hear her footsteps coming down the stairs, the heels of her dress shoes connected with the wooden boards.
His entire body tensed as dark green satin came into view. Peeta was almost terrified to look up further. He wasn't sure how her appearance would affect him.
After all she drove him mad when she was covered in dirt from the forest. He hated to think how seeing her now would affect his sanity.
Peeta kept his head down until he could hear Hazelle's sharp intake of breath. She must have emerged from the kitchen where she had been hiding from the prep team.
Peeta raised his head, working slowly up her body. The material of the dress clung to her curves and Peeta could not stop himself from gulping when her hips came into view.
His eyes traveled up the rest of her body. He tried to stop the blush forming at his cheeks when the low dip of the neckline caught his eye. The dark green made her olive skin glow, and her dark hair was in full lose curls hanging down her back.
They had applied smoky silver eyeliner around her gray eyes which only made them even more stunning.
Peeta had to remind himself to breathe when she stepped onto the last step. He could hear murmuring from everyone around him but all he could concentrate on was the gorgeous young woman before him.
Katniss' entire body had begun shaking when she set foot on the stairs but she wasn't aware of how nervous she was until she saw Peeta. He was dressed in a fancier version of what he'd been wearing when she first met him.
The dark color and clean lines set off his broad shoulders. But one obvious difference was the way his hair fell casually against his eyes. The blonde strands setting off his startling blue eyes made her stomach fall.
The memory from this morning of her pushing his hair so it caught behind his ear, and more importantly, the feeling she had when she allowed her hand to linger against his skin, coming forward.
Katniss watched him closely as she desended the stairs, she could feel the blush rising up her bare skin. The silk fabric clung to her body which only made her feel more self conscious.
When she reached the last step she waited for him to respond but he only watched her as everyone else commented on her appearance.
Peeta swallowed hard before he opened his mouth to speak," It's—"
Katniss cracked a small smile before nodding," An improvement," she sighed her shoulders falling slightly," I know."
Peeta shook his head, causing his bangs to hang in his eyes. "No, it's not." He watched her face fall," I mean that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say, it's incredible how beautiful you look, how beautiful you are, always."
Katniss looked up quickly, shocked by his omission," Thank you."
Peeta nodded before stepping forward. He slowly extended his hand waiting for her to take it. Her hand grasped his and Peeta could feel the blush moving down the rest of his body from the contact of her skin.
The massive golden doors vibrated from the sound within the banquet hall. Rich tapestries hung from the walls, the emblem of Panem stitched onto anything possible.
Katniss could feel her body tremble, she felt out of her element, and when she felt frightened she had a tendency to become defensive.
She aware of how she would have to curve that reflex however in that moment, standing in the heavily decorated hallway next to Peeta, she had doubts of her ability to do so.
After she had taken his hand everything became almost surreal for her. They soon faded into an uncomfortable silence.
The train ride to the Capitol wasn't any better. She could sense Peeta distancing himself, much like he had when she first arrived in twelve.
The only time he actually spoke to her was to address the things she would need to know and to tell her how her attitude should reflect according to that of a lady.
Peeta glanced over to her, his bangs falling around his eyes. Out habit he brushed the hair back behind his ears.
He could see she was psyching herself out. He needed her to be focused because if anyone sensed her hesitation she would be seen as weak and unworthy of their time.
Peeta knew he had to get her focused. He needed her to be determined and the surest way to have Katniss persevere was to upset her. He needed to ignite the fire she had inside of her even if it meant she would be angry with him.
"Now, remember what I said about addressing me, you call me-"
"Companion Mellark, not Peeta, I know."
"And when we enter a room-"
"I stay at least three steps behind you and I don't engage anyone in conversation before they approach me first."
Peeta watched her stare at the door," Do you think you can do this?"
Katniss looked to him quickly, her dark curls rushing down her bare back," Is that a trick question?"
Peeta ignored her quip," Are you confident in your ability to do this?"
"Don't you think that would have been an important topic to bring up before we came all this way?"
"If you don't think you can do this than we shouldn't enter that room at all."
"I know I can."
"Good because if you can't handle it now, there's no reason for you to go in there at all."
"Why are you being like this?"
Peeta looked away from her as he straightened his posture," Like what?"
"Not like yourself."
Peeta could feel the guilt rising up through him but soon it turned to fury," There are things you will need to come to terms with Katniss," he turned on her and he could feel his own body shake. "We're not in twelve anymore. We're not going to be having childish paint fights or lay in the dirt. To be in this world you have to put aside a piece of yourself. I can't be Peeta here."
"Have you ever thought that maybe they're not the ones who think you should change? That it's just you."
Peeta adverted his eyes," Now, you're just being naive."
"Maybe, or perhaps I can just see through all of your bullshit, and it pisses you off."
Peeta wanted to tell her that she was right about him, that she could see the person he buried so long ago deep down.
But he knew that confiding in her wasn't fair. She couldn't afford to be involved with him. Peeta came to realize that the best way to love her was to have her hate him.
Peeta looked down to the side," Make sure you keep up. I won't have you falling by the way side."
Katniss watched him for the longest time, until he stepped forward pushing the doors open. The flood of music and perfume nearly knocked her down. Peeta stopped a few feet into the room waiting for her to follow.
Katniss took in a deep breath before following him. She could feel her hands sweating.
She only hoped she could survive tonight the way she had all those years living beneath the city: with grace and wit, but most of all with faith in herself.
The banquet hall had become warm with all of the bodies filling it. The temperature didn't help to calm her anxieties, those of which had only increased since she entered the room with Peeta.
She had been frozen in place until Peeta had laid his hand at the small of her back urging her forward. Her legs felt heavy and she could feel her feet shake in the dainty heels Cinna made her wear. She had argued that her boots were a much more sensible option.
Sadly he had won out and now she had to learn to walk in three inch heels which retrained her legs like a fawn. Peeta led her to the thick of the crowd, most conversations falling silent as they passed. The gossip and snickering resumed once they were out of immediate earshot.
The warmth from his palm was sending shivers up her body and the familiar tingling from before was settling in her stomach only to travel down below. She mentally scolded herself for becoming aroused with the intensity of the situation.
Her hands were becoming idle and she needed something to distract herself from the onlookers and Peeta's proximity. A man with a pressed uniform came walking up, working the crowd as he held a serving tray of clear glasses filled with a rich purple liquid.
Peeta was politely nodding greetings to those around him, his hand still at her back, as Katniss inquired how his display was being interpreted by the other attendees.
When the server had made it close to her, Katniss reached out for a glass. Her fingers were almost to the stem of the glass when Peeta's warm hand left her back to wrap around her wrist.
Startled she looked up to him, her eyes questioning his actions, as her fingers curled into her palm.
"You don't want to drink that."
"Why?"
"Because I don't think vomiting was on your agenda for tonight."
Katniss' eyes widened in disgust, "It makes you puke? Why would anyone want to drink something like that?"
"So you can eat more."
Katniss drew her hand back as Peeta waved the server on, "That's horrible! I remember starving to death and yet these people indulge on all this rich food and then empty their stomachs and entertain the entire process all over again?"
Peeta leaned down to her ear, his fingers releasing her wrist," It's the Capitol and it would be helpful to you if you remembered that. These people are not concerned with humanity as a whole. They thrive off of their own wants and pleasures. As appalling as it is, you have to learn to control your emotions. While I hate to admit it, they're the only reason you and I survive. Without their debauchery, I don't have a job."
"And we don't eat, ironic."
Peeta stood up, his broad shoulders prominent, "Well that's life."
"And the Capitol is still dictating how I live."
"That won't ever change." Peeta took her hand leading her towards the middle of the room where others were dancing," but you can have some control over how you work within the system."
Katniss became anxious once she realized his intentions," Oh no, I can't dance remember?"
"Of course you can. It's all about the rhythm of the music translating to your body."
"What if the interpretation is muddled or nonexistent?"
Peeta laughed lightly," I doubt that. I've seen you in those sun dresses remember? And the dress you have on now is no exception."
"Are you paying me an actual compliment, Companion Mellark?"
Peeta extended his arms. He turned her in a wide spin until she almost collided with his body. He clutched her hand while hers landed at his shoulder.
The feel of his hand at her hip while the silk fabric bunched slightly was only increasing the heat below her waist.
Peeta's voice interrupted her flood of hormones," Besides, this is the best way to show you off to the room as well as future suitors."
Katniss nodded as she tried to hide her disappointment," So dancing with me is all a part of the plan to marry me off?"
"Katniss that was always the plan and it seems to be working. Most of the room's eyes are on you."
Katniss watched as he looked onto the crowd but not at her," But not all," she said halfheartedly.
Peeta seemed to be in his own mind, his attention drawing back to her," What was that?"
Katniss shook her head, dark curls falling around her face," Nothing."
Peeta was unaware of her disappointment. "So, when suitors are interested in courting you, they have to go through the proper channels. They contact me and then a series of outings are done. If the male party is willing, the companion brokers the engagement."
"It all sounds very professional and business like. Whatever happened to love and passion?"
"Life isn't like your fairy tales, Katniss. Love is messy and destructive. It's not worth the pain."
"Maybe life should be like the books. There's a reason we still have faith in love even if life tells us otherwise."
"Love isn't worth holding out for. The best you can hope for is to find someone who is kind."
"What about you? Do you think you'll ever fall in love?"
Peeta tried to hide the anxiety surging through his body, his hand tightened at her waist," No." Everything inside him began to seize," It's not an option for me. Companions are not permitted to take on personal mates. If they do, the other party is imprisoned or worse. Getting sexual favors on the side isn't worth the hassle."
"I wasn't talking about sex, I meant love."
Peeta's voice hardened and he hoped she couldn't see him panic, "And I said no."
Katniss turned her face from him to watch the crowd, "Fine."
Peeta held onto her tightly until the music ceased temporarily and started again. When he broke the contact he had to stop the defeated sigh from escaping his lips.
He wished they could be normal, be free to be together, but Peeta knew he had made his choice and he had to live with the life he chose.
Katniss moved her long hair to her back, the flood of curls tempting him. He wanted to reach behind her and run his fingers through the dark strands.
She moved slightly to let her arms hang free, causing the green material to move revealing a little more cleavage.
Peeta felt his throat tighten at the sight of her. He needed to distance himself.
"There are some people I need to speak to. Why don't you go find something to drink and try to look available for conversation?"
"How am I supposed to do that?"
"The opposite of what you would normally do."
"You know it's admirable how you can compliment me and then go directly into an insult."
Peeta began to respond before she turned to walk to the opposite side of the ballroom. The crowd of people split to allow enough space for her to walk through.
Most of the gawkers had gone on to their own insignificant affairs though there were still some who looked to Katniss as the subject of their conversations and pity.
She kept her head high as she passed through the crowd of people to end up at the back wall. Peeta watched her for a few seconds before he felt a light tapping on his shoulder.
He spun around to meet the smirking face of his only friend.
"Companion Odair."
"Peeta."
"Why do you always do that? You know the rules. We can't go by anything but our station and surname, at least in public."
Finnick smoothed his golden hair back," Always the one for propriety."
"And why is it that I being the lonely, barbaric district born have a better sense of propriety than you, the Capitol born companion? You were raised with it all. This should be second nature to you, especially with all the noble blood rushing through your veins."
"Maybe because I know the hypocrisy of it all, that's all it is. Something to disguise something tarnished with pretty paint."
Peeta walked passed him to exit the middle of the dance floor," Were you always this cynical before?"
Finnick shook his head following the other man," How would you know? You're comfortable with ignoring it all and pretending it all makes sense."
Peeta stopped walking when the crowd of people had thinned," No, I just know my place."
"Do you? Then what possessed you to take in the girl?"
"She needed help."
Finnick scoffed, "Try fooling someone else with that crap, someone who doesn't know you as well as I do. There are plenty of people who aren't favored by the Capitol, who suffer everyday, and you never took any action before."
"What do you want me to say?"
"I was watching you two dance and—"
"So was everyone else here. They look at her like she's a carnival act."
"No, I meant I saw how you were with her."
Peeta straightened his back. Even with his height, Finnick still towered over him," And how is that?"
"Like she's something more than an employee."
"You're one to talk, a companion with a personal mate."
Finnick leaned down, not wanting their conversation heard," Annie and I were together before I took on the title of companion, she knew me before. It isn't the same thing as getting involved with a girl after you've become a companion."
"I knew her before."
"What, how?"
"From the orphanage. She doesn't remember."
Peeta searched over the crowd to find her surrounded by a group of young men. He could already feel his envy rising up. Finnick watched him closely before he exhaled.
"It's worse than I thought."
Peeta turned to his friend roughly," What?"
"I had hoped it was just a fascination but you love her don't you?"
"I—"
"It's not fair Peeta. You've made your decision. You can't expect her to suffer and you know that's what will happen to her if Snow or the Capitol find out."
"You're one of the few friends I have Finnick, but I have to say, I find it interesting that you warn me not to do something which you are currently in the middle of."
"I know. I'm a bastard for bringing the woman I love into my own mess. You have to consider though, I didn't choose this life Peeta, you did. I was conceived and brought up to be a companion, you made the decision to do so willingly."
"Don't worry Finnick. I'm not foolish enough to become involved with her."
Finnick shook his head," I'm sorry to tell you this my friend, but you already are."
Peeta couldn't deny what he was saying was the truth but he knew he could never act on it. To do so could end up harming Katniss.
The walls of the room felt closer than they should. Her anxiety was climbing and the space she had to breathe, literally and hypothetically, had begun to lessen as the walls continued closing in.
After Peeta had sent her away like an underling she had found a quiet pace to stand on her own, allowing her to collect her thoughts.
Everything was overwhelming, from the atmosphere of massive golden architecture, to drunken squabbling Capitol borns who as the night went on were less inclined to be anything but overt about their opinions of her.
Katniss felt like screaming as she ran for the nearest exit. She was out of her element and she cursed Peeta for leaving her alone when he had promised they were in this together.
However her time to fume was short lived when half a dozen young Capitol suitors began to flock around her like pruning birds.
The men all began to talk at once assuming she could separate one vain voice from the next as it all melted into a vacuous reverie.
Katniss could see the other hand maidens narrowing their eyes at her, despising the filthy district born for taking the attention they well deserved.
Katniss wasn't fooled. She knew why they were so interested in her and it wasn't because of her pedigree or what she could bring as a lady in society. She was the newest attraction in the freak show known as the Capitol.
Having her in court was something new that the bored lords could fight over until she too became tarnished and used up.
She nodded politely at their empty compliments as she tried to ignore their roaming eyes navigating up and down her body.
Katniss felt even more uncomfortable in the sleek dress, her bare skin had already begun to goose
bump.
She was tempted to ask for one of the suitors jackets to cover up but she knew it would be misinterpreted as an invitation.
Katniss could see him talking to another man at the far side of the banquet hall. She assumed he was another companion by how he carried himself and she had to admit that he was handsome.
Even though she admired this man's beauty, she still felt that familiar tickle when her eyes landed on Peeta's broad shoulders.
He was sneaking glances back at her. She tried to seem indifferent but he appeared upset and she hoped it wasn't something she had done.
She was busy studying his behavior for any emotional cue when she felt a sweaty hand on her bare arm.
Katniss' skin had already begun to crawl when she looked over to her side where the hand was placed. A tall muscular blonde boy smirks down at her as he begins to move his fingers up and down her arm.
Katniss can feel her stomach begin to knot as the feel of his skin on hers triggers her vomit reflux. Katniss stole a glance around the circle of suitors to only find scared spineless little boys instead.
She sighed. These were the men who were supposed to be the epitome of class and strength, at least according to the Capitol, and they couldn't even honor a ladies grace.
It was interesting to her how even though the conditions of the orphanage were savage, when there would be the occasional boy trying to harm one of the girls, most of the other male inhabitants would see to it that that boy would have an "accident".
It was never mortal, but it would be cause enough for him to remember his manners the next time around.
Therefore, the irony was that even though district borns were unwashed, they had a better sense of honor than the lords of the Capitol.
"Can I help you, Lord?"
The muscular young man leered down at her," Lord Cato, and yes I'm sure you and I can come to some sort of arrangement."
Katniss pressed her lips together as she jerked her arm away from his touch. "Well, I'm assuming that you are more than aware of the proper channels to go through if you are interested in courting."
Cato leaned down to her ear, his reeking breath moving the strands of curls there," Oh, I'm sure you and I can become familiar with each other without having to go through all of the hassle of propriety."
"Well, if I may be so blunt in saying, but I think a little propriety may be just what you need Lord."
He stood up quickly, angry," I would think that a piece of street trash as yourself wouldn't be so concerned with propriety," he reached out grabbing her arm tightly," besides I've had my fair share of district borns before and all of you are the same as the capitol girls with titles. Your legs open exactly the same way."
Katniss could feel her fury begin to rise and all the preparing she had done with Peeta, wasn't strong enough to overpower her instincts for self preservation.
She reached for Cato's wrist with her free side, gripping it tight, before twisting her body and his in the process. Her thumb was at the back of his hand while her fingers pressed into the vein located beneath the heel of his hand.
She had totally control over his body as she wrenched his arm to his back. Cato screamed out in pain as his knees hit the ground. Katniss held on tight as she bent down, tugging at his wrist with all of her strength.
"That's something else district borns can do, so next time you feel the urge to assault a woman, you may want to think back to this moment and keep your hands to yourself!"
Katniss threw him to the ground. He landed face first, the echo of his skin hitting the polished floor vibrated through the now silent room.
Katniss stood up watching all of the eyes on her. It wasn't until she saw Peeta walking towards her that she felt the gravity of the situation.
All of the other suitors had walked away and she was left standing next to the whimpering body of Lord Cato as he held his wrist.
Peeta was next to her in a matter of seconds, taking her arm in his and leading her to the balcony.
"Are you mad?"
Peeta had dragged her out to the balcony. At first he stood there quietly, his rage boiling over. Katniss could see how tense his shoulders were as she tried to prepare herself for the onslaught of his disappointment. But she had never assumed how angry she would be over his outburst.
"Do not shout at me! I am not crazy for defending myself against that letch!"
Peeta turned on her, his blue eyes bright," Do you have any idea who his family is? They own most of the jewel minds in district one."
"He's an entitled pervert!"
Peeta threw his hands up," It's the Capitol, they're all entitled perverts!"
Katniss advanced on him, her own anger was surging and she wasn't going to back down," I know his type and he wasn't interested in courting. He only wanted to use me for self gratification."
"Even if that were so, he could have been a beneficial prospect."
"He's not, nor would he ever be. I've been in cages my whole life, the orphanage, the sewer. For the first time people see me and being married to a monster like that would only be another way of being invisible. I will not be in another prison."
"What if he decided to have to you arrested?"
"Well, if he does, there's nothing we can do about it now."
"I told you to watch your temper!"
Katniss walked up to him, closing the gap between their bodies," I will not be taken advantage of. I have few things I've been able to hold onto through my life and my self respect is one of them. I will be damned if I let a piece of trash like that take it from me because I'm too concerned with landing a husband," Katniss looked up into his eyes," and you should be ashamed of yourself for not wanting me to protect myself in the first place."
"I'm trying to protect you."
"No, you're asking me give up a part of myself, like you do."
"You can't be yourself here."
"Maybe that's what helps you through it all but I can't allow these people to change me."
"But they will and there's nothing you can do about it."
Katniss shook her head," No, that's what you tell yourself so you can go on living. You've made yourself believe you never had a choice, but you did, you still do."
Peeta shook his own head, his blonde bangs blowing in the cool night air, "No Katniss, you're the one who's wrong."
Katniss watched him turn to walk back into the ballroom, his retreating back disappearing through the golden doors. He felt so far away from her and she wondered if she knew him at all.
The cool air blew her dark curls around her face. She was thankful for the freedom to cry as the tears were masked by the dark strands.
After Peeta had left her standing alone outside, her heart had begun to break. More than feeling grief, she was angry with herself for being so gullible to believe he was that kind boy who she had seen a glimpse of back in twelve.
She struggled to catch her breath between the gasps and sobs barely noticing the balcony doors closing. She jumped forward a few inches, her hands gripping the marble of the ledge.
Katniss observed his lean body, nicely clothed in a pressed tux. The lines were so clean that it was clear to her he came from money. She had to admit that he was handsome, auburn hair set off his bright green eyes, his bone structure strong and inviting.
He smiled at her politely as he approached her.
"Please excuse my intrusion, I didn't mean to frighten you. I only wanted to thank you for making an all together dreadfully boring night entertaining."
Katniss turned to him while still leaving one of her hands griping the stone," I suppose I should thank you for your gratitude but it may be in poor taste to take credit for something so brash."
"Not at all and to be honest it was refreshing to find a young woman who was more concerned with self respect than her dowry or landing a mate. You shouldn't worry about Cato. I doubt he'll have you punished. I would wager he doesn't want people to know how he was bested by a petite pretty young woman."
"I hope so."
"And for the rest of the room, most of us have waited for ever for him to get his come upping. He's been using the handmaidens as his personal harem for years. It's good for him to be taught a lesson."
"Well then to be forward, I'm pleased I was the one to further his education."
The red headed man laughed and Katniss felt less tense, "And you're funny and intelligent. It's quite a rare combination in a woman of your beauty, if it's alright for me to say so?"
"Thank you Lord—"
"Darius, Lord Darius."
"Thank you Lord Darius."
Darius stepped towards her," Again, please excuse my forwardness but would it be possible if I called upon your companion."
"Please excuse my ignorance but why would you need my permission to talk to Companion Mellark?"
Darius ducked his head, a sweet smile curling at his lips, "It's protocol to go through the proper channels when requesting to court a lady. One must coordinate with the lady's companion."
"Oh, you want to court me? You do know I'm a district born don't you?"
Darius looked up, nodding," I don't see a district born. I see a fascinating, beautiful young woman who I would like to know better."
"If I'm correct in thinking so, you do not need to have my permission to call upon me?"
"Technically no, I don't need your permission. However, between you and I, I wouldn't want to go against the wishes of a woman who could rough me up just by twisting my wrist."
Katniss couldn't help but laugh as Darius joined in. She felt almost light in his presence. Perhaps being courted by a man who was as kind as he seemed wouldn't be as dreadful as she thought.
A/N: Review! It makes this nutty author happy.