Thank you to everyone who takes the time to review, favorite, and track this story. It means a lot to me, and ensures that I keep writing.
I also I want to thank Wildharp for continuing to Beta for me. You're the best, buddy!
Chapter Eight
The curtains at the window flew in the room as the warm gust of spring air filled the space. The skin at her back reacted to the temperature causing a slight chill to travel down her spine, as the delicate fabric of her dress did nothing to keep her warm.
She curled the ends of her hair with her fingers, willing the strands to keep form. The curls unfolded momentarily before springing back as Katniss released her fingers.
She reached to the vanity where a floral scented powder sat, the pink poof sitting on top of it, Katniss took the applicator, covering it in the thick powder. She had to admit she was intimidated by the shiny scented material, and to be honest she saw the need to cover one's face in product to be utterly ludicrous.
But she knew the protocol, or at least she had been instructed, when a female was being courted, the women of the Capitol were covered in different products, their faces barely recognizable when in its natural state. Katniss scrunched up her nose as she slapped the cotton applicator on her cheek, a cloud of powder exploded into the air.
She began to choke as the makeup flew up her nose and into her throat. The floral scent was nauseating and Katniss choked as it attempted to coat her throat, in disgust she threw the poof down onto the vanity.
She opened her mouth, her tongue stretched as she choked, her hands waving in the air vainly attempting to clear it of the mess. When she was pleased with her efforts, the powder now completely dissipated, Katniss caught her reflection in the mirror.
She caught the scream forming at her throat, as she closed her mouth, horrified with what she was seeing. A circle the size of the powder applicator, was now visible at her cheek, the ivory colored powder a contrast to her olive skin.
Katniss frantically rubbed at her cheek until it felt raw, most of the powder was now gone, as she sighed in relief. She lowered her hand surveying her appearance, a wave of dread came over her.
The reflection looking back at her was nothing above average, there was nothing extraordinary about the way she looked. Her skin tone was somewhere between fair and tanned with no definite definition as lightly colored freckles covered the bridge of her nose.
Katniss groaned as she turned to the side, her nose was slightly pointed up and she debated if cackling like a witch was needed. She pulled at her dark curls, cursing the mass of strands, they were always unruly and on humid days the tiny hairs at her forehead would curl and frizz.
And if she could manage with her mess of strands, she still felt undeveloped when it came to her body. She had to reason that the lack of proper nutrition and scheduled eating had prolonged any type of progression when it came to development.
But even then, she didn't feel any more confident with how her hips would bleed into her rib cage, where curves should be, and how her breasts were so small she really didn't need the support of a bra. And even if she could deal with having the stature of a ten year old boy, her gangly limbs were hard to ignore.
Katniss looked down examining her boney knees, as she kicked her legs out, examining their length. She smiled at the tone that had begun to form from having the opportunity to eat daily.
She looked back up at herself in the mirror, her lips were shiny from the gloss she had applied, the sunlight filtering in bounced off of the gloss. Katniss shivered slightly as the memory of his lips on hers came flooding back, she could still feel his tongue graze against her bottom lip as he pressed her body into his.
Peeta's hands on her shoulders had made her dizzy, and she had wanted for his hands to roam her body. The thought had frightened her, because she reasoned that if they were to go to a place so intimate then she was sure to be lost in him.
He had already invaded her thoughts most of the time, but now after feeling him so close, and having him accept her enough to kiss her in such a way, Peeta was almost the only thing she thought of.
Katniss cleared her throat as she smoothed her blue shift dress down, the hem stopping at mid thigh. Her palms had already begun to sweat, and she felt as though she was going to have to vomit.
She wasn't experienced in the affairs of the heart, and to be fair she had spent most of her life living in a sewer pipe which wasn't a place she had to worry about impressing the opposite sex.
Katniss shook her head as she reminded herself that courting was more like a business arrangement and wasn't to be observed as something romantic.
She ran her fingers through her hair, as she worked out the last remaining tangles. Her mind drifted back to Peeta, and the way his strong hands felt on the side of her face, his fingers tangling in the hair she was now touching.
She had felt nervous when waiting for him to board the train, the scheduled time to travel back to the district was fast approaching and still Peeta wasn't to be seen.
A Capitol attendant with orange hair had escorted her from the hotel to the train, when she had inquired about Peeta the man politely yet condescendingly informed her that Peeta was to make his own way to the train alone in due time.
Katniss reasoned with herself that he must have had last minute companion duties to attend to and their moment of intimacy had nothing to do with his actions. The silence of the train as she waited was constricting, as Katniss nervously pulled at the neck line of her dress.
She pushed her dark hair behind her, as one of the female attendants, her body dyed in a light shade of pink, brought in a flute of blue liquid. Katniss mutely took the glass, placing the rim at her nose before giving it a quick sniff.
A sweet sugary aroma wafted up her nostrils, she could place the faint scent of berry. Katniss peered into the glass before shrugging her shoulders, her hand placing the rim to her mouth before tipping it to the side. She nearly jumped back when warm fingers covered her mouth, shocked Katniss looked up to see Peeta watching her.
His pointer and middle fingers were still pressed up against her lips, while his other hand curled over the lip of the glass. He pulled the glass from her mouth, his fingers still placed there.
They both stood there frozen, Peeta with his hand still at her mouth, while she watched him with wide eyes. Katniss released the glass as Peeta pulled his hand back, the warmth of his touch fleeting.
Peeta smirked at her," You don't want to drink that?"
Katniss fiddled with the ends of her curls nervously," More vomiting juice?"
A wide smile formed at his lips," Yeah."
Katniss involuntarily darted her tongue out, licking her lips, as Peeta placed the glass full of the blue liquid on one of the silver serving trays as an attendant walked past him. The man in green glanced back at her as he disappeared through one of the automated sliding doors leading out of the main cabin.
Katniss ducked her head as Peeta rubbed his hands on his pant legs before seating," They really don't like me."
Peeta shrugged," They just don't know what to do with you," Katniss turned around to see his face become serious but his expression was still soft," I can relate."
Katniss blushed as she joined Peeta on the deep purple sofa, forming her dress to the back of her legs before she sat down. She was suddenly aware of how close his leg was to hers, as the fabric of his pants pressed into the bare skin of her leg.
Having his upper body only inches from hers was nerve racking, she could still remember the feel of his bare skin when she had placed her hands there as they kissed. Katniss could sense the tension coming off of him in waves and she hoped that the awkwardness between them would lessen.
She kept her eyes forward as the train began to leave the station, Peeta shifted in his seat beside her, causing his leg to brush hers, sending a tingling sensation up her side. She cursed herself for allowing a man to make her feel so silly, but the warmth forming in her stomach was inviting.
Katniss fiddled with the hem of her dress, desperately needing something to do with her idle hands as Peeta sighed, letting out a long heavy breath. Katniss could feel her pulse speed up, sensing that the time to have a certain conversation was soon to occur.
Peeta turned to look at her, his blue eyes worried," Katniss, we need to talk about something-"
Katniss shifted her body, turning into Peeta as she pressed her right knee into his thigh," I know that waiting in your room while you were taking a shower was completely inappropriate," Katniss took a deep breath as she began to ramble again," and then telling you I wanted to kiss you and then to actually kiss you… I shouldn't have said that-"
Peeta cleared his throat," Katniss-"
Katniss held her hand up ," But I'm glad that we at least for a few seconds were able to feel what it was like."
Peeta reached up taking her hand in his, his fingers enveloped her smaller hand," I'm glad too, but that wasn't what I wanted to speak about."
Katniss swallowed hard, she could already feel the blush creeping up from her chest onto her neck and up her cheeks," It wasn't?"
Peeta shook his head, squeezing her hand tighter," No."
Katniss felt foolish and embarrassed, "Alright."
Peeta look down at their joined hands before looking back up into her eyes," There's been a request to court you, Katniss."
Katniss could feel her stomach tense," What?"
Peeta forced a tight smile," Apparently you made quite an impression on one of the Lords."
Katniss began to panic," I refuse to be involved with Lord Cato-"
"No, it wasn't him. A Lord by the name of Darius is the one interested."
She furrowed her brow in confusion until the image of a handsome young man with red hair came to mind," Oh yes, I remember him. He was kind."
Peeta reached his free hand up placing it at her cheek," He is kind, and his family is severely well endowed."
Katniss narrowed her eyes," Do you think I care about money?"
Peeta tilted his head to the side," That wasn't what I meant. But it would ensure that you have a more than comfortable life," Peeta began to lightly rub his thumb against her skin," and I want that for you."
Katniss nodded as she fought her tears back," When does the courting begin?"
Peeta dropped his hand, before releasing his grip on her other," Tomorrow."
"How long have you known about this?"
Peeta sat up straight repositioning in his seat," Since before we left for the Capitol."
Katniss faced forward before she scooted a few inches from him," Why did you wait so long?"
She could hear him exhale slowly," I wanted to keep you to myself if only for a few days."
Katniss turned to him slowly," But I wasn't yours to keep."
A knock at her door pulled her from the memory, causing her to jump. Katniss swatted away the few stray hairs which had caught in her lip gloss. She moaned loudly before turning away from the mirror to walk over to the door opening it.
She assumed it would be Peeta, and she had to admit to herself that seeing him if only for a second would help some of her self doubt, but seeing Hazelle stand there instead caused the disappointment in her to rise.
The older brunette with the soft eyes took in Katniss' appearance, the smile she had was now gone as her eyes widened in surprise.
Hazelle placed a hand at her chest," Oh, sweetie."
Katniss furrowed her brow, her bottom lip sticking out in confusion," What?"
Hazelle shook her head before taking Katniss by the shoulders and ushering her back into the room, "Come on, let's see if we can do some improvements."
Katniss slowed as Hazelle moved her into the room fully, her hands going to the hem of her dress, straightening the fabric," What else is there to do?"
Hazelle laughed lightly before turning Katniss around to face her," Well first off, let's take the hair off of your lips," Katniss puckered her lips as Hazelle carefully pulled the strands free," And what happened to the side of your face?"
Katniss rubbed defensively at the side of her face where the powder had been," I was doing what I remember the prep team had done."
Hazelle's smile was back as she lightly blended in the powder with the pads of her fingers," It's alright. You should have seen how I looked when I first used my mother's rouge," Hazelle looked over to Katniss' eyes where she could already see defeat," But to be reasonable, make up was never really a necessity when you were more concerned about not starving to death."
Katniss nodded," Yes, but I feel like I'm left behind. And it's not only the make up but everything that I'm now required to know."
Hazelle combed her fingers through Katniss' hair," Like what, honey?"
Katniss shrugged as her face fell," Everything. I have no idea how it's supposed to feel when being courted, it wasn't a concern of mine when I was struggling to survive in the orphanage and later in the sewer. It's like I was born for another life and now everyone assumes that living one of a hand maiden and now a courtier is going to be as easy as breathing."
Hazelle moved her hands to the sides of Katniss' face," Katniss, you can only do your best, and no one should make you feel less for doing so."
Katniss shook her head as a few tears fell," But wouldn't I be less, if I don't rise up to expectations?"
Hazelle moved her hands back to Katniss' curls," I think the real question is whose expectations are you worried about meeting."
Katniss nodded as she forced a smile," I can do this. How difficult can it be to be courted?"
Hazelle nodded in agreement," See, there you have the right attitude. And not to mention it's saying something about you, being able to catch the attention of a highly sought after Lord."
Katniss scratched the side of her head, as Hazelle walked over to the closet," Darius? He's highly sought after? Why?"
Hazelle came out of the closet with a pair of white dainty heels," I would assume Peeta has already told you of how wealthy his family is."
Katniss nodded as she took the shoes from her," Yes. He said they were severely well endowed."
Hazelle tilted her head to the side as she helped a wobbling Katniss into her shoes," Sweetie, describing it as severely well endowed is being modest. They own a better half of the Capitol, their money is rooted back generations."
Katniss could feel herself becoming sick as she righted her posture," Why would he want to court me then? Do you think it's a cruel joke?"
Hazelle placed her hands on Katniss' shoulders," Katniss, you shouldn't work yourself up so much, and to be honest I'm sure he's become sick and bored of all the insipid Capitol born handmaidens he's had to deal with so far."
Katniss looked down at her feet," So I'm just some rare commodity? The only handmaiden who's unlucky enough to be district born?"
Hazelle moved Katniss' hair to her back," That isn't what I meant. You need to give yourself more credit for how special you really are."
Katniss shuffled her feet," But I'm terrified."
Hazelle sighed," And it's alright to be, but you can't let it hold you back."
Katniss nodded as she caught her reflection in the mirror," Alright," Katniss surveyed her hair which was now kept, as was the gloss on her lips and the powder which had once been an eyesore before," I think I'm ready."
Hazelle smiled as she placed her hand at the small of Katniss' back helping her move forward. The door felt further away than it should, and Katniss could feel the nerves at her stomach tightening. She closed her eyes willing her nerves to calm as Hazelle helped her into the hallway.
She could feel Hazelle pull her hand away, with the absence of the support, Katniss began to wobble on the heels. She could feel herself falling to the side until a strong hand wrapped around her bicep. She didn't need to open her eyes to recognize the touch, his fingers pressed into her skin until she was once again standing straight.
Katniss opened her eyes to see Peeta looking down at her with an amused expression, as he released her arm.
"You know it is easier to stand and ultimately walk if you keep your eyes open."
Katniss breathed in deeply before speaking," Thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind."
Peeta ducked his head for a second, laughing lightly to himself," You do that."
His blond bangs fell into his eyes, the tips of the strands were covered in green paint. Katniss assumed it was from him having to push his hair back, as he leaned over the canvas to paint. Peeta nervously reached up smoothing his hair back, his fingers stained in an array of paint, the action proving her suspicion.
Katniss' eyes traveled down his arms to find the skin there also covered in paint, streaks of acrylic traveled up to his shoulders meeting the fabric of white undershirt he now wore.
Katniss reached out playfully pulling at the paint stained shirt, pinching an inch of fabric between her fingers before releasing it, causing it to spring back to his body. Her fingers lingered in the space between them before they fell back to her side.
"I see you've been painting," Katniss looked back up to his face to find paint there as well," A lot."
Peeta nodded as he rubbed his chin where stubble had begun to form," Yeah. I decided that the wood pile was already over flowing so I should give painting a chance."
Katniss tried to avoid his blue eyes, but she kept being drawn there," And has it helped with whatever you're dealing with?"
Peeta shrugged," It hasn't hurt."
Katniss pulled at the ends of her curls trying to distract herself from the intensity of his eyes," Maybe I should try it, then."
Peeta laughed," I wouldn't mind seeing you covered in paint again."
Katniss swallowed hard as she remembered the way his body had felt when it hovered over hers, after they had had their paint fight.
And as quickly as the memory came another replaced it as the sensation of his lips against hers flooded her mind and the warmth of his bare skin against her palms threatened to drown her.
Sweat had formed around his brow mixing with the paint, causing his skin to glow as the sun reflected off of the moisture. She could feel the familiar tingling sensation from beneath her stomach as he watched her, and she needed to distract herself.
Katniss looked away from him, scanning the room as she nervously clapped her hands together," So what are you painting?"
Peeta shook his head, running his hands through his hair again," It's not important. The reason I came out of the room was to tell you that Lord Darius will be coming to twelve to escort you to the Capitol."
This caught her attention as she quickly looked back over to Peeta," What? Is that a normal occurrence?"
Peeta shook his head causing a piece of hair to escape from behind his ear," No, not normally. But you are special."
Katniss rolled her eyes, her annoyance over coming some of her nerves," I'm fed up with having to hear how special I am for being a handmaiden who happens to be a district born, like it's some sort of disability to be born poor. When in fact I think it gives me an advantage over the other girls, because I appreciate what I'm given because I've gone without."
Peeta reached up to the side of her face, his fingers tangling in the hair there," Yes, being district born gives you a fresh perspective," his fingers lightly brushed her skin as they played with the strands there," but that's not what makes you special."
Katniss could feel herself becoming lost in his eyes as his hand trailed down from her temple to end at the crease of her mouth. She could feel her body begin to shake, as Peeta stepped into the space between them. The air in the room had become suddenly warm, the light touch of his fingers at her mouth wasn't helping.
A creaking sound from the board at the end of the stairs caused them to jump a part, Peeta's hand falling to his side as Katniss smoothed the front of her dress down, nervously trying to look busy.
Hazelle who they both assumed hadn't seen their exchange called up for Katniss to come down to the first floor. Katniss walked to the banister, stealing a glance over to Peeta who had already begun to walk back to the room where he painted.
His back was to her as she descended down the stairs, the curls at her back bouncing as she attempted to walk in her heels without falling.
Peeta turned around to see her walk down the stairs, the blue of her dress caused her dark hair to almost glow. He had been determined not to touch her or to even console her, but with most things where Katniss was concerned, all the plans he constructed were usually null and void when he was around her.
He needed to paint to take his mind off of the fact that she was to begin courting and this eventually led to marriage. It was the beginning of the end for any hope he had to be in her life.
Katniss could feel her heart race as she stumbled down the stairs, her feet continually threatened to turn on their side bending at the ankle. She could feel the sweat bead at her forehead and she cursed herself for already perspiring.
It was safe to assume that the Capitol born handmaidens didn't sweat when meeting a prospective suitor. She reached out using the banister for leverage as she made it to the last step, Hazelle was there with a hand out to help her the rest of the way.
Katniss stepped down onto the first floor of the foyer, the heels of her shoes clicking on the wooden boards. She gripped Hazelle's hand tight, before the older woman pulled her hand free.
"Sorry dear, but you have to do this on your own."
Katniss smiled lightly as she walked further into the foyer with Hazelle close behind. The echoing of her shoes filled her ears as the blood began running behind her ear drums. The rhythmic sequence of both caused her footsteps to mimic the beats.
Katniss could feel the blush rising back up her chest, as she noticed his auburn hair across the room. His back was to her, as she couldn't help but compare his stature to Peeta's. Where her resident companion's shoulders were wide and sturdy, the young Lord had more of narrower build.
The lines of his suit were clean like before, and as Katniss approached she could see where his biceps filled out the material. He may be smaller than Peeta in build but he was more toned than she would have guessed.
Katniss was lost in studying him as Hazelle cleared her throat from behind. Katniss miss-stepped due to being startled, but steadied herself before Darius turned around. He had been looking up studying the architecture of the house, his face still tilted up when she turned around to face them.
His movements were slow and exact, Katniss assumed from years of etiquette, as he finally met her eyes. The soft inviting smile from the Capitol ball was back at his lips as he took in the sight of her. Katniss felt vulnerable under his stare as she debated turning the other way and retreating to her room. Darius ,with a grace she wasn't sure she even possessed, walked over to Katniss, his hand outstretched to receive hers.
It took her a few seconds before she remembered the greeting from her lessons with Peeta on propriety. She could feel how clammy her hands had become and she shook slightly as she extended her arm out.
His fingers were soft and not calloused from brandishing an axe for cutting wood or holding the paint brush from painting like Peeta. It was odd to have another man hold her hand, she was relieved when she realized his touch didn't incite the same sensation as Peeta's. This both excited her and saddened her, to think that feeling that rush of sensations was rare, and would only happen when she was with Peeta, because soon she wouldn't be.
She was lost in thought about the painter upstairs when she felt Daruis' lips gently brush her knuckles in greeting. Hazelle sighed behind her, as the blush rushed up her ear lobes. Darius released her hand, and Katniss let it fall to her side, her fingers fiddling with the hem of her dress with a nervous energy.
Darius smiled at her," Miss Everdeen I have to say that you look lovely. It's pleasant to know that your beauty isn't exclusive only to balls."
Katniss ducked her head as she pushed the right side of her hair behind her ears," Thank you, Lord."
Darius nodded as he looked over Katniss to speak with Hazelle," Is the Companion Mellark available? I'd love to say hello."
Katniss' back straightened at the mention of Peeta, but Hazelle's answer calmed her fears," I'm so sorry, my Lord but Companion Mellark is indisposed as of the moment."
Darius nodded," That's a shame, perhaps another time?"
Hazelle smiled softly," Perhaps."
Katniss could hear him step forward towards her, his dress shoes came into view while she still had her head down. She looked up slowly to see him offering her an arm, signaling the time for their departure. Katniss took his arm, hooking her elbow with his, the tone of his muscles pressing against hers.
Darius began to lead her out the door, Katniss stole a glance back at Hazelle who offered a small smile and a wave. She could tell that Darius was a kind man but she couldn't help the knowing feeling that she was being sold into something she didn't consent to.
As they walked across the grounds of the manor, Katniss missed the figure watching from the second floor window, his heart slowly breaking as he watched her fleeting form.
The walk to the train was short, before they arrived at the entry way where an awaiting attendant holding a silver tray of drinks and small iced pastries was positioned at the door.
Katniss allowed Darius to lead her to the main compartment as she settled into one of the velvet seats, her petite frame sinking into the inviting fabric. She watched as Darius kindly ordered the staff to their designated areas.
It wasn't until the train was moving at full speed she allowed herself to relax. Katniss looked out the double pained glass as district twelve and the rest of the world flew by outside her window.
The Capitol with its cold buildings and flash was their destination, and Katniss couldn't help the dread that filled her. She had at least had Peeta at her side the last time she had travelled there, but now she was with a stranger whose motives she hadn't figured out yet.
The mood in the cabin was strained and somber, as Darius tried to engage her in small talk while Katniss fiddled with the hem of her dress nervously, her attention on the blur of colors rushing by the window.
Her fingers knotted in the fabric, she could feel the stitching loosening but her anxiety was rising and she needed something to do, having idle hands would only make the rising panic stronger.
Katniss stared out the window, she kept her eyes on the passing outside world, until she felt a warm hand cover hers. The shock of the action hadn't worn off when she looked down to her thigh where her fingers had stopped twisting the hem of her dress, to see his fair skinned hand gently on top of hers.
His touch was light, and didn't seem to have any expectations. Katniss looked up to her side where Darius was watching her, his green eyes were calm and sincere, a small smile stretching over his lips.
"It is alright to be nervous, Miss Everdeen. Even in the most relaxed of situations courting can be nerve wracking."
Katniss nodded, her eyes wandering to the wall behind him," Thank you for being so understanding. I know it must be trying for you to have to escort a woman of my standing."
Darius brow creased as he watched her closely," I hope you will be able to see me in a different light than other Capitol borns. Because when I look at you I don't see someone beneath me, I see a woman with potential and grace."
Katniss' mouth opened wide, he had surprised her by his answer and she struggled to find the words to express how much she may have misunderstood him.
She searched her mind, but nothing was presenting itself when one of the attendants entered the room to announce that their arrival to the Capitol was nearing. Darius nodded to the man in recognition, as he stood up, his right hand still placed on top of Katniss'. She wrapped her fingers around his and allowed him to pull her upright, their bodies a few inches apart.
She found herself again comparing his frame to Peeta's and she wondered how long it would take for her to stop thinking of Peeta in a manner of being more than an employer. Katniss could feel herself becoming dizzy, the image of Peeta kissing her came over her, causing her knees to almost buckle.
Darius grabbed hold of her other shoulder with his free hand, helping to keep her standing," Woah. Are you alright?"
Katniss placed her hand at her forehead as Darius held onto her," Yes, I'm fine thank you. I think I just stood up too fast."
Darius gave her a small smile before he released her shoulder," That's nice to hear, because I'm looking forward to showing you where we're going to spend our outing."
Katniss could feel her pulse race, any relief she had felt before was now gone. She couldn't help but think he was referring to certain arrangements which were done in the privacy of a hotel room.
Katniss cursed herself for being so naive to think that Darius may have been different than the rest of the Capitol citizens. The perspiration began to form at her brow and she could feel her hands becoming clammy underneath the warmth of his hand.
She had dreaded the idea of having to be intimate with anyone, who wasn't a certain blue eyed companion, but she had reasoned that most courting went on for a substantial amount of time before either one of the parties was expected to perform in such ways, but this was the Capitol and propriety was something to speak about and not to actually put to practice.
Darius led her out of the train, the stench of bleach hit her head on and she assumed that it had just been time for the required street cleaning. Katniss kept her head down as she tried to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable.
However, all she could feel was a sense of mourning over the thought of not having Peeta to be the one who she would lay down with. She knew how absurd it was to think of him in such ways, but he had a way of invading her thoughts, and her heart.
Katniss was too deep in thought when he stopped walking causing her to crash into his side, the heel of her show went to the side as her ankle followed. Darius laughed softly as he helped her stand up, Katniss felt uneasy underneath his touch and she forced herself to smile.
"Perhaps you should only wear shoes without a heel from now on."
Katniss nodded as she tried not to squirm underneath his touch, she had been lucky when she had fought against Lord Cato's advances. He hadn't been favored among the Capitol officials the way Darius was, and to deny him was dangerous for both she and Peeta.
Katniss felt her stomach knot as she looked up to see where he had taken her. She couldn't help but be taken aback when instead of velvet carpets laid in front of her, there were marble stairs. Katniss looked over to Darius, her face clearly puzzled.
Darius laughed again, as he squeezed her hand gently," I thought that the library may be something you would appreciate."
Katniss nodded as he led her up the stoned stairs, her knees shook and she didn't know if she was more nervous now or when she had assumed he wanted to have sex instead.
Dark colored glass covered the building and Katniss could swear that when the light reflected off of the structure it appeared to glow. The anticipation she felt threatened to cause her to fall as she ascended up the steps, her hand grasped in Darius'.
Katniss stole a glance up at him, his auburn hair which had lightened up in the sun was brushed back, allowing her to admire the sharp structure of his face. She had to admit that he was handsome, and so far he had been a gentleman of his word.
When they entered the building the smell of old books surrounded her, Katniss had to fight the urge to sigh. She had spent many years dreaming about being able to handle the books within these walls, and shortly she would have the ability to do so.
Darius released her hand to step forward to speak to a petite woman, her hair was abnormally calm in color, and the clothes she wore were not as provocative as most. Katniss folded her arms as she looked up at the high ceilings that seemed to stretch forever, which were lined with shelves upon shelves of books. Katniss brought her attention back to Darius as she could hear him raise his voice.
"I don't think I understand your reasoning."
The woman tipped her forehead forward motioning towards Katniss," The young lady you've arrived with is not permitted to enter here. She isn't of Capitol birth and therefore not to our standards, but you are welcomed to stay my Lord."
Katniss could feel her cheeks burn as the woman stared at her with disdain. The embarrassment of having to stand outside, as Darius remained in the building was overwhelming.
Darius squared his shoulders," If Miss Everdeen is not wanted than neither am I, and I would assume that my families money would also be not welcomed."
The woman stood up," My Lord I'm only going by the rules that were-"
"Miss Everdeen is my guest and she is to be seen as such," Darius turned to face Katniss, his hand outstretched for her to take," Come now, let's find you a book."
Katniss couldn't hide her shock as she slowly walked over to him taking his hand. She tried to ignore the hateful look the woman was sending her way as Darius led her to a long wooden table which was littered with volumes of books and literature. He had released her hand to pull out her chair, waiting for her to sit before pushing it in.
She could feel her hands shake in anticipation, as he sat next to her, already reaching for his first book. Darius thumbed through a few pages before he sat it down indifferent, as Katniss watched the stack of books beside him dwindle.
He would pick one up, look through it closely before depositing it to the pile. He looked up at her, his brow creased as he saw her hands were empty.
"Are you not wanting to look through any of the books here?"
Katniss cleared her throat, before sitting up straight," To be honest, I'm a little over whelmed. I feel like I've waited years to be this close to this many books, and now that I am. I feel out of place."
Darius smiled as he reached out placing his hand on top of hers," They're only books."
Katniss shook her head," But they aren't so insignificant to me," Katniss turned in her seat to face him," when I was living on the street I had one possession, it was a book someone had given me when I was younger. And the words in it gave me strength to survive, and I know it must seem foolish to you, but there's something sacred about the written word," Katniss smiled," it's like magic."
Darius watched her closely," I never thought of it that way."
Katniss ducked her head, her eyes falling on their joined hands," I know I seem strange."
"Yes, but strange is only another word for different, and believe me when I say that different is something I could become used to."
Katniss looked up," Is that why you asked to court me? Because I'm different? Because you thought it would be thrilling to become involved with a district born?"
Katniss pulled her hand away, as Darius looked confused," No. I wanted to court you because I was impressed with you at the Capitol Ball. You had integrity in a moment where you could have allowed someone beneath you to manipulate you. I like that you have a mind of your own, and that you can appreciate books the way you do. I just want to be able to know you better."
Katniss turned in her seat correctly before reaching for a book placed in the stack in front of her. The leather binding was intact and firm as she grazed the spine with the pads of her fingers. Darius watched her before he reached for another book, this time spending more time to study the pages.
They both sat there in silence as Katniss skimmed through pages of philosophy and fairytales, much like the book she already owned. Occasionally Darius would reach over to take her hand in his, and Katniss' muscles would tense before she relaxed after a few seconds.
Physical contact between them was minimal and Katniss wondered if it was protocol to minimalize contact, but she was also thankful that the pressure of becoming physical with him wasn't yet present.
They both read in silence for nearly an hour before Darius stood up, a book clutched in his hand. Katniss felt reluctant to set the book down she had been reading, but she didn't want to insult him either.
She stood up from her chair after he had scooted the chair out for her, taking her hand he began to escort her out. The unpleasant woman from before watched her closely, as they exited the building. The walk back to the train was done in silence, and Katniss hoped she hadn't done something to make him upset.
It wasn't until they sat down awaiting the train to start that Katniss noticed the book in his hand.
Darius caught her eyes on the book, he gently placed it in her lap," I thought perhaps you could now have two books in your library."
Katniss ran her fingers over the cover," That was very thoughtful of you, thank you. But I don't want to cause any trouble-"
Darius placed his hand on top of hers," It's no trouble."
Katniss watched as he curled his fingers over hers, his hands were soft and gentle from years of care, but there was something kind and passive about the way he would take her hand. He never struck her as entitled as did most of the noble men in the Capitol, he had an air of honor to him, which set Katniss at ease. She looked up over to him as he stared out the window, the hair at the back of his neck wisped out in fiery curls.
He was handsome, and she had to admit he had so far been a gentleman towards her, perhaps becoming involved with Darius wouldn't be as horrible as she had initially assumed. Although one nagging feeling pulled at her, because the best she could hope for with Darius was fondness. She was only in love with one man, and the option of becoming involved with him was nonexistent.
The train ride back to the district passed by quickly as Katniss was deep in thought, she nearly jumped when Darius stood pulling her up with him, their hands still joined. She kept hold of her book as they exited the train walking back to the manor.
Night had already begun to fall, as they walked silently through the property, the air was cool on her skin causing her arms to goosebump. Darius had laughed when her heels had sunk into the mud, Katniss lightly slapped him on the arm as he helped her dig her shoes free.
When they finally made it to the front porch, the mood became tense and awkward as Katniss stood there holding tightly onto her book. Darius lifted her hand to his lips, brushing her knuckles lightly in propriety.
"Thank you for your company, Miss Everdeen."
Katniss nodded," Of course, and thank you for the lovely evening and book."
Darius released her hand before nodding her a goodnight, and stepping off of the porch and into the night. Katniss watched him leave, until his form was completely enveloped by the darkness.
She was surprised by how safe she had felt around him, but there was still that feeling of grief in knowing that it could never be Peeta to be the one to kiss her hand good night after a time spent together.
Katniss knew she had to let any hope of becoming involved with Peeta disappear because the reality was that he was a companion, and his choices were what the Capitol dictated, and it was certain death to take on a personal mate. And even though it was painful for her to not be with him, she wouldn't allow her own selfishness to endanger his life.
The foyer was dark, the lights that were kept on at least an hour after Hazelle left for the day had already cooled. The room was warm from the windows being closed, causing perspiration to form at her back, she could feel the material cling to her skin. Katniss breathed in deeply before closing the door, careful not to make a noise.
She assumed that Peeta had gone to bed, and to be honest she was thankful she wouldn't have to face him just yet. Clumsily she leaned her head back into the door, lightly knocking her head into the wood.
Her evening with Darius had been surprisingly enjoyable, but it had caused her curiosity towards Peeta to increase. The idea of becoming intimate with a man was always something she had dreaded, and she assumed that when she and Darius wedded, she would be expected to produce a male heir within the year.
However the way she had held onto Peeta while he pressed their bodies together sent wild sensations through her body. She felt the desire to pursue his touches, and her want only worried her further. What made this man any different than the millions of others, that never incited such feeling and desires?
She enjoyed her tales of damsels and heroic princes with hearts of gold, but Katniss wasn't naïve enough to believe that such a thing really existed. True love was a myth to entertain lonesome little girls, not a reality.
Katniss pressed the book into her chest, the corner of the cover pressed into her breast bone, and she felt oddly comforted to have it held so close to her. The gift had been surprising; his kindness was refreshing from the normal indifference she received from the Capitol.
But with most in the Capitol, materialism was a way of life, and showing affection was as simple as giving a gift. However, Katniss had to remind herself that even though he had behaved in a similar manner, it didn't mean that he was like most in the Capitol.
The manor was eerie at night the creaks and moans that an older house produced were unnerving, causing Katniss to walk further into the foyer. She lowered the book to her side as she reached up, pressing the button on the lamp to produce the artificial glow of light.
She turned towards the stairs, her mind lost in thought yet again when her eyes fell on the image of Peeta sitting on the bottom stair. Katniss nearly fell onto her back, her feet stumbling back in fear. Her free hand pressed into her chest as she fought to catch her breath after being terrified.
Peeta just sat there watching her clearly unaffected by her reaction. After Katniss recovered, her breathing still erratic, she turned fully towards Peeta.
"Peeta you scared the hell out of me," Katniss looked around before she turned back to him, her brow creased," How long were you just sitting in the dark? You do know that's really creepy? Right?"
Peeta reached for the banister using it for leverage as he stood up," I don't really know. I was just thinking, I guess I lost track of time."
Katniss watched as he ran his hands through his hair," Alright. I think I'm going to head up to bed."
She walked towards the banister where Peeta was still standing with his shoulders slightly hunched. He kept his distance until she reached the second stair, quickly he stepped towards her closing the gap between their bodies.
Peeta reached out taking hold of her arm, stopping her , his fingers were warm against her skin, and Katniss could feel the perspiration gather at the back of her neck. Her hair clung to her damp neck, as she turned back to Peeta.
His expression was serious, Katniss tried to figure out what he was thinking but he was unreadable. Katniss looked down at her arm where his hand rested now, she began to question his actions when he started to speak.
"You haven't told me how it went."
Katniss tilted her head to the side before rolling her eyes," Don't worry, I didn't try to assault him."
Peeta nodded," So it went well?"
"Yes. He was a perfect gentlemen," Katniss held up her book," He took me to the Capitol library, it was sweet."
Peeta stepped up to stop beside her, his hand still at her arm," So that's all it takes to impress you? A couple of books? Pretending to be kind?"
Katniss wrenched her arm from his hand, she could already feel the skin begin to burn from the action," First off, don't talk down to me like that, and second he wasn't pretending he actually is kind."
Katniss began to step up the remaining stairs until she turned back around pushing Peeta down to the first step. Peeta reached out for the banister with both hands trying to lessen the brunt of his fall. He gripped the wood, as Katniss stomped down the steps towards him, seething with anger.
"And I don't know why you're acting like this. Was it not the idea for me to become a handmaiden so I could be courted and not have to worry about the future?"
Peeta nodded as he held a finger out," So that's what you want? To be treated as a dense child you needs to be told when to be breath," Peeta ran his hands through his hair," I thought you were better than one of those vapid Capitol borns who are happy enough to be treated as pieces in the background, while their husbands force themselves on anything that breathes."
Katniss shook her head as she tried to fight back her tears," And I thought you would never make me feel so ashamed of something I didn't even do,"Katniss wiped at the stray tear falling down her cheek," This isn't about how you assume I would act. It's about you being jealous that I had a decent time with a man that wasn't you."
Peeta narrowed his eyes at her," I'm not jealous. This about you whoring yourself out for money like every other handmaiden-"
Peeta could hear her intake a breath, his regret already began to rise up when she began to speak," You are such a damn hypocrite! How can you call me a whore! Should I remind you of what you do for a living?"
"Katniss-"
Katniss pushed the tears from her face as a new batch fell on her fingers," I haven't been able to stop thinking about how it felt kissing you. I felt so safe with you and now I just feel foolish."
Peeta stepped towards her, their bodies inches apart," I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that."
Katniss turned her face away from him, not wanting to have eye contact," Then why did you say it?"
Peeta sighed," Because you were right. I was jealous," Katniss turned towards him their eyes meeting," it was agonizing to see you leave with another man. I guess I don't know how to deal with it."
"Even so, you can't make me feel less," Katniss breathed in deeply as his stare threatened to swallow her," Because for some twisted reason, the way you see me means something to me. Maybe more than it should."
Peeta placed his hands at each side of her face, his thumbs wiped at the tears," I know. I'm sorry."
Katniss leaned into his hands, as her book dropped to the stair, the thud echoing through the quiet foyer," Why does everything between us have to be so complicated," Katniss reached up holding onto his hands as they cradled her face," Why can't it be simple?"
Peeta pulled her face towards his, his lips lightly brushing against hers," I wish it was simple."
Katniss pulled from him, as she began to step back up the stairs," It's never going to be simple with us, is it?"
Peeta shook his head," I don't think so."
Katniss nodded as she turned to walk up the stairs before turning back to speak," Then maybe we should stop trying to fool ourselves into thinking it can be different."
Peeta nodded as his face fell," Maybe."
Katniss watched him for a few seconds before she walked up the stairs, her form disappearing from sight as she made it up the last few stairs.
Peeta turned around, sinking back down to the steps, his face landing in his open hands. He could feel the tension knotting at the back of his neck, as he tried to fight back the tears threatening to fall. He knew he had to find a way to let her go, because the tighter he held onto her, the more he seemed to be harming her.
Because Peeta knew that she deserved more than he was able to give her, and he didn't want to hold her back.
The edges of the pages lightly scraped over the pads of her fingers, as she idly turned the page. Her mind wasn't on the words, her eyes and attention disconnected as her mind wandered. She hadn't slept at all during the night, she kept replaying the way his lips felt against hers.
After three hours of struggling Katniss left her bed in search of her book, she assumed it remained on the stairs where she had dropped it earlier. The room was still dark as she opened her bedroom door, suddenly she tripped stubbing her toes on something in front of the door.
She reached out balancing herself on the door frame, before she looked down, the book Darius had given her sat on the wooden floor boards. Peeta must have placed it there after she had retreated to her room, he constantly surprised her with his actions.
She bent down picking it up, before stepping back into her room closing the door. The floor boards were cool on her bare legs as she sat down, using the door to lean up against. She had managed to distract herself for awhile, but after a few hours her current situation with Peeta flooded back.
Katniss laid the book down to dress hoping that the simple task could take her mind off of him. Sadly she wasn't successful while dressing herself did take a bit more effort than turning a page, she still couldn't take her mind off of how it felt to have him stand so close. She wasn't lying when she told him he made her feel safe because he did, but he also confused her.
Katniss wished that love was as simple as it seemed in her fairytales, where the only problem the two lovers came against was how to defeat the evil dragon. Katniss stood in front of the mirror combing her fingers through her tangled curls, as she pondered that perhaps evil dragons were a part of love in reality, but more of a metaphor than literal.
Katniss sighed before picking up her book, the hem of her dress riding up as she sat on her bed. This is where she sat for the next few hours before she laid the book down, determined to work through her issues with Peeta.
She knew she needed a chance to be able to live her life without having doubts about her choices, and Peeta made up most of her doubts. Could she be happy with another man when she had so many questions regarding another?
She needed to find him, to at least discuss what had occurred between them last night. Katniss smoothed her dress down as she opened the door to her room, to walk out into the hall. She stopped short as she noticed how quiet it was considering it was during the middle of the day.
Hazelle was usually in the middle of her daily chores, while the smell of baking goods wafted up to the second floor. Katniss shook off her curiosity as she made her way down to the room that Peeta used as a makeshift art studio.
The odor of acrylic paint surrounded her before she was able to fully open the door, the stream of sunlight filtering in through the window. The door creaked as it hit the nearest wall, before Katniss stepped into the room. She surveyed the room, looking for Peeta, but having no luck she turned back to the door.
She was halfway to the hall when she collided with a canvas he had leaning up against the wall. It fell with a thump and Katniss hoped the paint hadn't still been wet. She crouched down, using the tips of her fingers Katniss brought the front of the canvas facing upwards. The deep greens and silvers ran together, as fairy wings spanned the entire canvas.
The way he painted always impressed her but something about this image was familiar. Katniss ran her fingers over the indentions of the brush strokes, the raised paint tickling her fingers. Something was bothering her about the painting, she felt as though she should remember something important.
In a rush Katniss gripped onto the edge of the canvas, running to her room, the door to Peeta's studio left open. Her bare feet padded down the hallway as the edge of the painting knocked against her knees. She nearly tripped over the threshold in her impatience and the cumbersome load of the painting, causing her to be clumsy.
Her grip began to loosen as her palms started to sweat, causing her to tighten her hold on the canvas. She frantically scanned the room until her eyes fell upon on the book sitting on the side table. Katniss gently threw the painting on the bed facing up to the ceiling, before she reached for the book flipping through the pages for a specific picture. She studied the page before laying the book down beside the painting, comparing the two.
Katniss could feel her breath catch in her throat, when the exact similarities of the two drawings were apparent to her. She stumbled back in shock as a nauseating sickness rose up her body, before the memory struck her, threatening to send her down entirely.
The ends of his shaggy blonde hair tickled the side of her face as they sat next to each other, their attention on the far wall. She could feel his shoulder rise and fall as he breathed in, his fingers lightly brushing up against hers, as they sat at his knee. She wanted him to take her hand, she liked how his fingers intertwined with hers felt.
He made her feel safe, which was an impressive feat in the dank cold room she was forced to stay in. She breathed in slowly as realization of how close he really was sank in. The warmth from his body tingled the side of her body, the thin rags she was given to wear did nothing to keep the sensation away. She could still remember how soft his lips felt against hers, the only time he had kissed her.
Initially she had assumed he had kissed her out of friendship, but lately she began to feel a warm tingly sensation rise up her body when he was near. This confused her because how was she supposed to react to such things. He was her friend, he took care of her when she was scared or sad, the later which had prompted him to carve the mural into the far wall.
He shifted next to her, causing their bodies to touch even more so. Their hands were now pressed against the others, and she could feel him reach over with his pinkie wrapping it around hers. A wide smile came over her face, as a sense of calm came over her.
His voice was low in the quiet room," Why fairies?"
She sighed," They remind me to believe in magic," she turned her head to look into his blue eyes," and they remind me of you."
He creased his brow in confusion," Me? Because I gave you the book?"
She shrugged her dark curls falling around her shoulders," A little because the book, but mostly because I think you're magical."
He blushed dropping his face to stare at their joined hands," I'm not, trust me."
She shifted her body to the side before reaching up to his chin," But you are to me," she lifted his face up, their noses barely touching," You give me something to look forward to. I feel like I'm not myself until you're next to me."
She could feel their heavy breathing mixing together, as he inched their faces closer until his lips pressed into hers. This time it was different than the last time he had kissed her, there was something much deeper going on underneath the surface, and her body began to tingle.
She placed her free hand to his chest, pushing him away. His eyes were bright underneath the dim light filtering from the hallway through the window. She wanted to assure him that pushing him away had nothing to do with her unwillingness to kiss him, but her voice was stuck at the base of her throat as he watched her. He turned towards the wall, his hair falling into his eyes.
"I like that fairy," he motioned nodding his head to one of the sprites on the wall," she reminds me of you, because she has a light inside of her."
The girl smiled," You think I have a light inside of me?"
He nodded before squeezing her hand ," Definitely."
Katniss could feel an uncontrollable sob threatening to choke her, as her pulse began to race. She grabbed the painting along with the book, before she turned to rush out of her room. She needed to find Peeta, she needed to confirm her suspicions.
Her nails dug into the painting as it bumped into her shins, while the book was tucked securely underneath her arm. He hadn't been in his art studio, and she couldn't hear the sound of an axe colliding with wood, so the possibility of him being outside was thin.
She couldn't remember when she made it to his door, the entire search done in a blur. Katniss took a deep breath before pushing the door open with her hip, her hands currently occupied.
The door flew open causing it to crash into the nearest wall, the sound echoing through the room. Katniss took in a breath as she spotted Peeta sitting on the bed, his head in his hands, clearly not affected by the commotion.
His hands were still buried in his hair as he spoke," Whatever it is, can it wait until later? I'm not in the mood, Katniss."
Katniss could feel her anger increasing," How did you know it's me?"
Peeta took in a deep breath, his back hunched over," I can smell the lavender soap you use from here, and you're the only person I know that can bust into a room with so much resolve."
Katniss walked up to him throwing the painting down at his feet," I don't think you're in the position to be anything, but the truth."
Peeta lowered his hands from his face, dropping them into his lap," You went into my art room," he looked over to her his eyes rimmed red," you had no right."
Katniss could feel her body tense her temper flaring as she opened the book to the correct page throwing it down beside him on the bed. Peeta looked down to the book where it layed open to a picture. The familiar image of fairies floating on the air amongst the trees met his eyes, as soon as it registered he could feel his pulse race. Peeta placed his fingers on the faded page, careful not to tear it further than it had already been.
Katniss clenched her fists," You had no right to keep this from me," she could feel the tears fighting to free themselves," It's you isn't it? The boy from the orphanage? Isn't it?
Peeta jumped slightly startled by her yelling," Katniss-"
She breathed in deep trying to find her voice," The painting is like the rendition from my book, a book that was given to me by a blonde, blue eyed boy," Katniss closed her eyes causing a few tears to escape," How long have you known?"
Peeta swallowed the excess saliva forming in his voice," About a day after you came here."
"When you found me in the Capitol with the Peacekeepers… you didn't know then?"
Peeta shook his head," No."
Katniss wiped at the tears falling down her face," So all this time, it was you and you just kept it from me?"
Peeta stood up slowly, closing the gap between them," I didn't want to make it difficult for you. It would have been harder for you to leave if you knew the truth, harder for you to move on."
Katniss shook her head," That wasn't your right to choose for me," Katniss held her hand up stopping him from advancing towards her," I'm not that same little scared girl in the orphanage who needed you to take care of me."
Peeta reached out for her before Katniss slapped his hand away," I know who you are."
Katniss dug her nails into her hair closing her eyes," Do you know what they did to me after you left-"
Peeta's skin burned as his tears rushed down his face," Katniss, please-"
Katniss kept her head down," They broke my fingers. I wouldn't stop crying and calling out for you, I thought you had been caught and killed," Katniss looked up her grey eyes showing betrayal," but it turns out you just left me like everyone else. I always thought you were special, but you're not are you?"
Peeta rushed over to her placing his hands on hers, his fingers tangling in her hair," I'm so sorry."
He raised her face up to his, her face was flushed as he leaned in to her, his lips nearly pressing into hers. He felt the slap before it registered what exactly had happened, his hands were free of her hair as she stood in front of him furious.
"Do not touch me!"
Peeta held his cheek," I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you."
Katniss gritted her teeth," Do you really think that trying to kiss me measures up to everything else. You promised you would protect me," Katniss shook her head her dark hair falling at her back," I really don't know why it surprises me though, because you are just that… a liar. It's what you're good at. It's why you make the perfect companion."
"I never lied to you about I feel about you."
Katniss looked off to the side her eyes not on anything specific," It really doesn't matter now, does it?"
Peeta stepped forward," It does to me."
Katniss turned her head to him," Well, it doesn't to me."
Peeta tried to reach out for her as she turned to leave, she was already out of his reach when his fingers stretched out for her.
Katniss stopped her back still to him," I don't understand how you could leave me."
"I was a stupid kid."
Katniss nodded," This time I'm leaving you."
Peeta watched as she walked out of the room closing the door behind her. The room was hauntingly quiet as he stood there, his body shaking. Everything had crashed down around him and Peeta felt on the verge of losing his mind. He turned around, his eyes landing on the painting.
Everything seemed almost outside of his body as he kicked the painting, then threw his desk lamp against the wall. The bulb broke into tiny pieces before the lamp collided with the floor. Peeta sunk to the floor, his hands in his hair as he truly became broken.
A/N: I hope everyone is still enjoying the story, and please review.