Thank you to everywhere who takes the time to review, favorite, and follow. It means a great deal to me, so thank you.
Thank you to Wildharp, for continuing to Beta for me. Love ya, Adam.
NOTICE: There are Sexual Situations in this chapter. Please be a responsible reader. The Rating has been changed to Mature.
Chapter Nine
The whistling of the wind through the leaves only chilled her rain soaked body, as the leaves on the ground blew around her legs. A few stuck to her bare legs due to the dampness on her skin, Katniss reached down plucking the leaves from her legs before tossing them to the side. She could feel kindred with the foliage as it glided on the wind with no apparent direction in mind.
Her own frame of mind was hazy as she drew her legs up to her chest, shivering from the cold. She curled her toes into the mud, as the mixture of dirt and water formed around her feet. Katniss' nails bore into her skin at her shins while her feet sunk into the ground.
Waves of dark curls fell over her knees, the ends of the strands tickling the back of her hands as she placed the side of her face down at her knee. The rain which had soaked her hair began to run down her legs, as the condensation was pulled down by gravity.
After she had left Peeta alone in his room, she ran down the stairs and out of the house in a rush. Her emotions were heightened and all she could think about was finding a way to breathe again. Katniss couldn't remember how she made it to the woods, but as soon as she made it to the tree line, in the safety of the trees she fell to her knees.
Branches dug into her skin as she clawed at the ground, causing dirt to cake underneath her nails. Her hair hovered beneath her as she hunched over hyperventilating, she could feel her heart pound in her chest, as she tried in vain to gain a handle on the situation. She leaned over for a few more minutes until she could breathe without becoming lightheaded.
Katniss crawled over to the nearest tree trunk, before she leaned up against it using the tree for leverage. She felt more lost sitting there, than she had during her time living on the street. Katniss had held onto a memory of a young boy who had protected her from the dark for a short period of time.
But now as she sat on the ground she couldn't help but wonder if her memories hadn't been as accurate as she thought. Perhaps he wasn't as gentle or as kind as she remembered, and the thought made her sick to her stomach.
A deep echo of thunder sounded around her causing her to shake before a down pour of rain fell around her, coating her body in water. For a fleeting moment she pondered on the idea of taking shelter, but even if her mind was willing her body still kept in place.
Across the field leading up to the manor she could see Hazelle rushing to the porch for shelter, her arms full of bags she had collected from her visit in town. Katniss felt disconnected from everything around her, only the debilitating pain crushing her heart was noticeable.
Grief washed over her along with the rain, a puddle formed in the slight ditch in the dirt she had formed with her body. Katniss was being forced to say goodbye to an idea that she had held onto for so long.
The thought of Peeta being someone who made mistakes, just someone who had flaws and not the person she had built up in her mind. He had turned out to be human like everyone else, and this confused her more than her anger comforted her.
The man she had created in her thoughts was unattainable, nothing like how Peeta had actually become, and a part of her was relieved.
Katniss nearly missed the moment the rain stopped, the absence leaving a crisp smell to the air. Her eyes were irritated from her tears that had long ceased, and she fought the urge to rub at them. Katniss watched as a few hours later, Hazelle exited the back door making her way back down the hill leading to town.
Katniss looked down to her hands where her nails still dug into her skin, a small streak of blood had drained from the shallow cuts caused by her nails. The light of the day had started to fade causing Katniss' eyes to adjust. Her teeth collided as the chill of the rain sank in, and her dress clung to her back becoming another layer skin.
The forest seemed to almost close around her, as the sun began to set causing the temperature to drop. Katniss could feel her body tingle, she assumed her limbs had fallen asleep from being in the same position for hours, but there was another part of her that felt a pull towards the house, to Peeta.
Her body ached along with the pain that originated from her mind, she was emotionally exhausted and she yearned for any sort of solace. Her dark curls fell around her shoulders, the strands still dripping with rain stuck to her skin.
Katniss sat up, releasing her hands from her legs to push her drenched hair away from her front, before pulling it all together. She wrung the water out thoroughly, her idle hands were thankful for the task, but her mind was still reeling. Katniss released her hair allowing it to fall around her as she planted her hands flat on the ground, her fingers mixing with some of the mud.
Her legs were wobbly as she attempted to stand up, her right arm stretched out seeking the nearest tree for leverage. Her balance faltered for a few seconds but it wasn't long until she could stand upright without any help.
Katniss' eyes found the back of the manor again, her attention traveled up to the second floor window that she knew led into Peeta's bedroom. She felt a nagging feeling in her gut, a sensation that pulled at her. Katniss couldn't fight off the feeling of wanting to be in that room, to be near him, for what purpose she wasn't yet aware.
He confused her on so many levels, he made her question things, made her want to discover new experiences. It was odd because even in the betrayal she felt, he was still the person she wanted to discover those things with.
She had always felt drawn to Peeta even when they were kids, before she knew his name or realized how well he would grow into his broad shoulders when he had been gangly and all limbs. Even then he made her feel safe, feel whole, like she could be loved and a part of something special. There was a connection between them in that cold room with only their imaginations to entertain them, and that connection had carried on through the years when they had been separated.
Katniss suddenly came to the conclusion that perhaps she wasn't upset because he had withheld the truth from her, maybe she was afraid that something had ultimately become too real for her.
The boy who held her tightly after her nightmares wasn't just a faded memory anymore, he was a living breathing reality that was only yards away.
Katniss dug her feet out of the mud as she exited the cover of the woods. She trudged up the hill leading to the manor. She righted her footing when her ankle bent to the side due to a few loose rocks, stabbing the bottom of her feet.
Her dress stuck to her skin as a result of the rain, causing it to stay stiff against her, the wind not able to make it budge. She peered down to her hands that were still covered in mud and bits of blood from before, she could only imagine what she looked like with her damp clothing and dripping hair.
Katniss was so lost in her thoughts she nearly collided with the first step of the porch, her toes lightly stubbing into the wooden boards. She stepped onto each with caution, she didn't want to misstep and injure herself, she didn't want another problem she would have to deal with.
As she made it to the porch without any major injuries, Katniss caught her reflection in the glass of the back door. Her dark hair was wild around her face, framing her red rimmed eyes which were now wide and grey from the crying.
She chanced taking in the rest of her appearance, suppressing a gasp, when she finally examined her reflection. The dress with its light fabric had formed with her body, showcasing any curve and development she had, her small breasts now seemed endowed and prominent, and the curve at her hip was still subtle but noticeable.
The mud from before had already dried to her skin and her feet and legs itched from the hardened clay. She debated washing up before she went to see him but she knew her nature. Katniss was convinced if she gave herself enough time to think it over, she would eventually back out of her original decision.
With a determined sigh, she pulled the door open, running through it, the door banged with a resounding echo. Her legs felt heavy as she made it to the stairs taking two at a time. When she made it to the landing, she gripped the banister for leverage as she breathed in deep, her shoulders hunched over.
She could feel something changing already, the air entering her lungs felt charged and she hoped she had the strength to face him.
Katniss stood up glancing over to her right where her door was, she knew it would be easy to just let go of the banister and walk into her room, closing the door behind her and leaving any thought of connecting with Peeta behind. She could set her mind on being courted by Darius, he was kind and he would ensure she lived comfortable for the rest of her life.
He was available to her, it was the logical decision to make, the path with less pain. Katniss cleared her throat as it tightened, the tears threatening to fall again. Yes, life with Darius would be realistic, she wouldn't have to risk her heart being broken, because truthfully it was nothing more than a business arrangement where emotions were hindering.
But no matter how logical it would be to marry Darius, she would never have passion. The type of passion that made you want to inflict pain, and the next moment made you feel complete. The type of passion she had with Peeta, because even though he infuriated her, he was still the only person who could incite such emotions from her, and she cursed him for that, but she also knew she needed him because of it.
Katniss smiled to herself softly, she knew she had made her decision before she even reached the stairs. Releasing the banister, she turned on her heel walking to her left, leaving the thought of retiring to her room behind her. Her footsteps were rapid and intentional as she inched closer to his door, her stomach restricting as she neared closer.
When she reached the door, her face nearly touching the wood, her hand faltered as she tried to reach out before she finally pushed the door open. The hinges creaked as the inside of the room became visible. Her bare feet padded against the floor boards as she entered the room, her eyes fell onto the painting, the wood holding the canvas taut was now lying broken and cracked.
A few feet above it, light from a lit candle reflected off of shards of glass which Katniss assumed had at one time formed a lamp bulb. Katniss breathed in deeply before she turned to her left, where his outstretched legs appeared.
She stood there watching him as he faced down into his lap, his attention on something in his hands. His normally kept hair was now damp from sweat, his bangs hanging down in front of his face.
His voice was oddly calm as it broke through the silence of the room," I thought you would have been long gone by now."
Katniss swallowed, her throat felt raw," I was going to, but I only made it as far as the woods."
Peeta looked up at her, his face was pale, which only made his blue eyes shine more," Why did you come back?"
Katniss could feel her chest restrict as anxiety took her over," I don't know."
Peeta's face fell as a gust of air left his mouth," I don't believe you."
Katniss looked down at her feet, embarrassed by how well he already knew her," I wanted to go, but something kept me from going."
Peeta watched her closely, he tried to find her face behind the curtain of hair," You should have left," Katniss looked up quickly her grey eyes confused," you were right from before. There's nothing for you here."
Katniss' heart dropped," Peeta?"
His hair covered the right side of his face, the deep color of his eye peeking through," I can't be what you need," his eyes began to burn from the tears welling up there," you deserve more."
Peeta could feel his heart break as he watched her stand there in silence, her hair was a mess of curls, the strands frizzing due to being wet before. He assumed she had been outside when it had rained, since her dress clung to her body.
Peeta tried to push down the warm sensation he felt beneath his stomach when he took in the way her breasts showed through the thin fabric, the nipples were round and firm, his hands twitched as they held onto the book. He was thankful for the coverage, he didn't want her to see the effect she had on him, especially since he was telling her that they couldn't be together.
His body and mind were in direct conflict, but there was a part of him that wanted to turn the rational part of his brain off and delve into exploring her body. He looked back down to the book in his hands, trying to busy his mind. Peeta was so distracted by his vain attempt in ignoring her presence that he didn't notice the moment she began to walk towards him.
Her bare feet covered in a thin layer of mud and shallow cuts came into view, Peeta gulped, knowing he would have to acknowledge her. His resolve was already thin, and he feared if he looked up at her that it would disappear all together.
Katniss slowly knelt down onto her knees beside him," What if I want to be here anyway?"
Against his better judgment Peeta looked up towards her direction, her hair had been pushed behind her back and the neckline of her damp dress had fallen down lower, the top of her breasts showing.
Peeta swallowed deeply, hoping for the strength to deny her," It'll pass."
Katniss placed her hands on her thighs," What if it doesn't?"
Peeta closed his eyes tightly, causing a couple of tears to fall down his cheeks," Katniss-"
Her voice was soft, it barely broke through the turmoil in his mind," Is that my book?"
Peeta opened his eyes to see her leaning over, her fingers running over the page, "Yes. I just felt the need to look at it," Katniss sat back up, before reaching out to cover his hand with hers," You know I used to have one just like this, actually it was my father's. He had it as a child and I remember before he died he would read it to me every night. I remember the way he smelled, like cinnamon, and I felt so safe. He always told me that the hardest thing to do was believe in magic, but it was important to believe," Peeta tried to swallow the tears away as he continued," After he died my mother got rid of everything, including me, I think it was too painful for her to see me, or at least that's what I tell myself. It's better than believing in the alternative of having a mother who doesn't care for you. So after I had escaped the orphanage, I found this book, I felt compelled to take it."
Katniss nodded letting his confession sink in," Why did you give it to me?"
"It became a part of me," Peeta rubbed his free hand over his face," I guess I wanted to give you a little magic, and maybe I needed to leave a part of me with you."
Katniss could feel her chest tighten as tears formed," You were a part of me. That book kept me sane for a long time, it was the only thing that held me together."
Peeta looked down to their touching hands, he could feel the heat of her skin on his," No, you held yourself together, I had nothing to do with it."
Katniss shook her head, her curls moving behind her," You're wrong. You had everything to do with it," Katniss forced herself to breath," When they would beat me, the only thing that carried me through was that soon I would have you there with me."
Peeta slipped his hand out from under hers to reach out, placing it against her cheek," I shouldn't have left you," Katniss leaned into his touch, her eyes closing," but I was weak and selfish. You deserve more than a man who will leave you when it gets difficult."
Katniss opened her eyes, the blue of his eyes threatening to swallow her whole," But you weren't a man. You were a child, who was scared, and it was wrong for me to place such a burden on you. I shouldn't have blamed you, I'm the foolish one. I always thought of you as someone from those fairy tales that filled my head for years," Katniss turned her head to kiss his palm," but I've realized that you're only human."
Peeta let out a hollow laugh," I don't know how to take that."
Katniss smiled into his hand," It's better to love something that's complicated and worthy of the struggle."
Peeta's forehead creased," Katniss?"
Katniss leaned forward to reach the book in his lap, his hand found itself buried in her mass of curls. Peeta was frozen in place as he watched her place the book to the side, her hand pushed it lightly sending it over to the far wall.
Katniss ducked her head as she turned her body towards his, her right leg swinging over his lap until she was straddling him. Peeta felt as though he couldn't breathe, her dress was still formed to her body, which only increased his arousal not to mention the anxiety that was building.
Katniss placed her hands at each side of his face, before she leaned forward lightly touching her lips to his. Peeta was hesitant to react, due to the events that had transpired, circumstances were different between them now than they had been when he had kissed her in the Capitol. There was nothing to hide behind, this was the moment where he had to decide if he wanted to give himself to someone completely.
Katniss could feel his lips tense as she pressed hers against his, she began to regret her decision, as embarrassment rose up inside of her. She started to pull away when his hand tangled in her hair, his fingers spreading at the back of her neck to pull her closer.
Peeta opened his mouth allowing his tongue to press against her lips asking for permission. Her mouth granted him access as their tongues massaged the others, while the rest of their bodies were still. Katniss felt dizzy as his mouth moved in rhythm with hers, the sensation was different than it had been from before. There was something unspoken about the connection forming in the silence of the room.
Although she could feel that Peeta was holding back, the irony of the situation wasn't lost on her. She had always been the one to reserve her emotions, even in the orphanage he was the affectionate one. Katniss reasoned that perhaps it was her chance to save Peeta the way he had for her when she was a lost little girl with only four cement walls to complete her world.
She had to be the strong one, because despite all of the pain she had endured through the years, Peeta had received so much worse. Even after all of the abuse at the hands of the house mothers, she still had a shred of innocence to hold onto, where Peeta's had been taken from him.
Katniss was brought back to the present when she felt Peeta pulling back from her, the back of his head connecting with the wall. Her hands were still at his face when she opened her eyes, she already missed the warmth of his mouth on hers. His eyes were raw and exposed and she could feel her heart skip a beat at how broken he seemed.
It was as if she could see through all of his pretenses through this one look, he was crying out for someone to find him in the dark. She wasn't seeing the confident coifed man who could charm and manipulate a situation, Katniss had a clear view of the kind boy who drew pixies on the cold cement wall.
However instead of creating tales of honor and valor he was curled up on the cold floor forgotten. She had escaped that room long ago, but somehow she had left Peeta there alone. Katniss had gotten a glimpse of his true self in Capitol when she had cared for him, but she hadn't entirely protected him, he was still broken. And to be honest Katniss knew she too was broken, but perhaps they could heal each other.
Peeta's hands went to her shoulders, his fingers warming her damp skin. He tried not to look at her as the candle light reflected off of her skin and hair casting her in a glow. She kept her eyes on him and he could feel himself close down, he wanted to hold onto her, to feel every inch of her skin, but he feared he was far too lost already.
Katniss breathed in deeply before she moved her hands down his face and neck her nails lightly grazing the skin there, as she sent the sensation down his arms to where his hands remained against her bare shoulders. Peeta watched her closely as she curled her fingers around his thumbs before pulling his hands down her arms, and the straps of her dress with them.
Peeta was in a daze watching her movements, it wasn't until her chest was completely exposed that it fully registered what was happening. Peeta tried to pull his hands away as they sat at her biceps, still grasped in hers.
Peeta shook his head," I can't give you a future. I won't have you halfway I can't."
Katniss smiled softly as she squeezed his hands reassuringly," Maybe worrying about the future is pointless. We can give each other now," Katniss looked down," because whatever has happened between us has brought us to this point in time."
Katniss raised her face up to his, leaning forward she brushed her lips lightly against his forehead before pressing hers against his," We're still lying in that orphanage together, we never left."
Peeta fought back a sob as his nails pressed into her skin," I never really wanted to leave you."
Her voice was quiet and softer than she was aware it could be," Then don't," she smiled softly as his breathe mingled with hers," we can fight those dragons together."
Peeta sighed before he allowed himself to let go, before he surrendered everything to the girl who confused him and irritated him, but she was his home. He had known long ago holding onto her as her tears fell onto his arms while she clung to him, that she was where he belonged and even if it was a fleeting moment of clarity he would grab hold of it.
Peeta moved his head to the side allowing him access to her mouth, he could feel her hesitation, before she pushed her body to his their lips bruising the others. Peeta relinquished any control he had over himself, as he kissed her with full abandonment. Katniss moaned softly into his mouth, earning a smile from Peeta, his hands grasping onto her for leverage, he could imagine himself floating away, needing her to hold him to solid ground.
Peeta reveled in the way her skin felt against his touch, goose bumps formed as he slid the straps of her dress down until the fabric fell on its own down at her hips. He released the fabric as Katniss shivered from the exposure, her bare skin out in the open.
Peeta discovered her mouth thoroughly, he could feel her move his hands off of her arms, he nearly froze when his palms came in contact with the raised skin of her nipples. He felt foolish for acting like an inexperienced child, he had seen and felt other women's breasts before. It had become a normal occurrence, but he reasoned that Katniss wasn't just a woman who he would have to go through the motions with, she was something else entirely.
Peeta curled his fingers into his palms, until only his fists were pressed against her chest. Katniss could feel his hesitation, she reminded herself that it wasn't a personal attack towards her, he had been through something traumatic. Intimacy had been twisted and altered, she needed to show him how it could be gentle and safe. She knew if she needed for him to trust her then she too needed to trust in return.
She spoke against his lips, her breath tickling his bottom lip," It's alright to let go."
Peeta nodded before swallowing hard," I want to…I'm ready to it's just I'm-"
"Afraid."
Peeta kissed her quickly before setting his lips against hers," Yes."
"It's alright because I am too, but we have each other. We can be afraid together."
His face was up against hers, the feel of her lips on his flooded his body with warmth, Peeta was almost hesitant to look into her grey eyes. He breathed in his chest tight, before he looked into her eyes, the color almost glowed from the tears building there.
It was the look in her hauntingly beautiful eyes that caused him to unfold his hands to display his fingers over the firm skin of her chest. Katniss' breath hitched for a moment before she covered his hands with hers. Peeta kept his movements slow and light before Katniss' mouth opened releasing a quiet moan.
Peeta bent his neck to the side leaning forward, he placed his mouth to the skin located under the base of her throat. Katniss bent her head back her eyes closed as his moist lips lightly kissed her bare skin. Peeta's fingers lightly scratched the skin at the side of her breasts, leaving her hands at her chest to travel around her sides, to her back.
Katniss giggled at the sensation as his fingers tickled the sides of her ribs. Katniss reached out to his chest with her own hands moving up his neck to bury her fingers in his thick hair. His hands spread along her back, the bare skin there soft against the calluses that had formed on his fingers from painting.
Peeta trailed kisses down to her chest where he softly kissed the area in between her breasts where her heart beat was. Katniss' nails bore down into his scalp as a tingling sensation spread through her body, she could feel herself begin to shake, as Peeta's lips traveled up to her neck to her pulse point.
She slid her hands down the back of his head, to rest her hands at his neck her fingers interlocking there.
Peeta bent his arms at the elbow, her arm pits resting on top of the crook of his arms. Peeta used all of his strength to slide up the wall, bringing his body to a standing position as Katniss wrapped her legs around his midsection.
Her chest pressed against his clothed one, as he carried her over to the bed, his mouth still pressed to her neck. Peeta's feet tripped over one another causing him to falter, they both tumbled to the bed, Katniss giggled as her back collided with the mattress. Peeta's face was buried in her neck, as he moved his body up hers, positioning his weight comfortably.
He breathed her in deeply, her skin smelled of rain and pine, she reminded him of the woods, he smiled into her neck, she was his real sanctuary, the place where he felt exposed but complete. Peeta laid his hands flat on the bed, the sides of his thumbs pressed up under her arms, his knees catching in the fabric of her dress, while it sat bunched at her waist.
He raised himself up enough to look at her, a mass of dark curls were spread around her head, most likely arranged that way when they had fallen to the bed. He was shaken by how gorgeous she was, not only by her features which yes were striking but it was the light she had inside of her that exposed a strength that impressed him the most.
Katniss felt vulnerable underneath his stare, his bangs had fallen out in front of him as he hovered over her, and she fought the urge to move her hands from his neck to tangle her fingers in the strands. He smiled at her softly as he traveled his eyes down to where her upper body remained bare.
Katniss unlocked her fingers to glide them down his spine, she could feel him shiver underneath her touch, his arms faltering slightly from the sensation. Katniss curled her fingers in the hem of his shirt, her nails lightly touching his skin underneath.
She was deliberately slow in her movements as she lifted the fabric up his back and ultimately to his chest. Peeta shifted his weight to remove his shirt without falling onto Katniss' petite form. He had already seemed offish when they had crashed to the bed due to his apparent lack of grace, he didn't want her to regard him as a fool.
Katniss helped him pull his shirt free from his body, her finger hooked in the fabric before she tossed it to the floor. Peeta's chest heaved, he could feel his arousal heighten and he was positive that she could feel him against her thigh.
He blushed at the thought, it was silly for him of all people to become embarrassed because of such a thing, but as he stated before, it was different with Katniss. She was more than someone he would have to perform sexually for, this was venturing into a situation he hadn't been familiar with before… it was tenderness and love.
Peeta grasped onto her sides as he settled into her, their hips touching," I'm still scared."
Katniss placed her hands on each side of his face," It's just me, Peeta."
Peeta nodded as he rubbed his thumbs over her skin," I know that's why I'm scared."
Katniss searched his blue eyes," What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of losing yourself?"
Peeta shook his head his bangs moving in the air," No," Peeta looked off to the side before looking back to her," Of finding myself."
Katniss pulled his face down to hers kissing him," I know you. I know the boy you were the man you can become, and I am in awe of it."
Peeta's hands traveled down her sides, reaching for the fabric of her dress, pushing it down as much as he could before Katniss caught it with her feet, kicking it off to the side. The thin fabric of her panties were all she had now, the lace did little to keep out the sensation of his groin pressing on hers. Katniss could feel her stomach tighten but the warmth she felt below her gut was taking over any anxiety threatening to overwhelm her.
Peeta's fingers hooked into the elastic of her panties, his fingers warming her skin there, a line of heat trailed behind his fingers as they slid her panties down to her bottom. Katniss lifted up off of the bed giving him enough room to slide the garment off of her lower half.
He waited for her to kick her panties off the same way she had with her dress until he allowed himself to fully take in her naked form. His pulse began to race as his eyes fell upon her taut olive skin, Peeta ran his hand over her flat stomach before leaning down to kiss it softly.
Katniss lifted off of the bed, her entire body tingling, a white hot warmth starting between her legs and traveling up to her head making her feel dizzy. Peeta reached for the zipper of his pants, lowering it before he reached for the button he unhooked it slowly, as he still watched her. The mood was less frenzied than he remembered, he felt safe around her, loved.
Peeta pushed his pants down his thighs, his boxers followed as he tried to move the fabric down his legs while still hovering over her. He fell onto her more than once which earned a laugh from her, his cheeks blushing. Her chest shook with laughter as he fumbled with his clothing, Peeta looked up at her when she snorted loudly.
His body along with hers was now bare, as he repositioned his body against hers. Peeta leaned on his elbows which set beside her ears, as he settled against her hips, his erection against her inner thigh. Katniss gasped slightly when the contact occurred, Peeta ducked his head smiling softly.
"Katniss this doesn't have to happen."
Katniss looked into his eyes, her hands traveling down to his chest, placing her hands where his heart beat was," I want to."
Peeta nodded," I was hoping you would say that," he leaned down kissing her deeply before pulling back," but at anytime that you need to stop. We'll stop. Alright?"
Katniss nodded, as Peeta reached down trailing his fingers over her thigh, his hand stopping at her knee to push her leg over to the side, propping it up. Katniss closed her eyes as she prepared herself for the initial discomfort.
Peeta took his time entering her, he didn't want to force himself , or the pain, onto her all at once. Katniss' nails pressed into his skin, as he began to break through the barrier, a sharp pain shot up through her body to settle at her throat, a strangled cry escaped her lips.
Peeta stilled his movements, as they remained joined, he watched her face as it twisted in pain and then settled into no expression.
Peeta shook his head as he lifted his hips preparing to withdraw from her," I can't hurt you this way-"
Katniss opened her eyes holding onto his shoulders firmly," No. I'm alright. There's supposed to be discomfort, right?"
"Yes, but I'm not going to put you through this."
Katniss forced him to look at her," Peeta, this isn't the same situation you went through. I want this. I want to be with you, it's my choice."
Peeta stared down at her," It's my choice too."
"Then make love to me, give us this time."
Peeta relaxed his back before bending his spine to pull back before pressing into her once again. Their hips colliding with each others as he moved inside of her, Peeta closed his eyes wanting to concentrate on every sensation her body was sending through his.
Katniss raised her knees up to set against his hips as he pushed their bodies together, the warmth pooled where they were joined and she could feel her entire body tense and retract.
Peeta could feel her emotions rolling off of her in waves, his too were heightened as the air around them became charged. He marveled at the situation of having her below him, their bodies moving in sync.
In this moment the connection they had forged in the dark, while holding onto each other in a cold room of an orphanage, had begun to grow.
Peeta could feel a sense of terror rising up through him, not because having her make love to him was troubling, it was the opposite, it was transcendent. No his fear came from the thought that soon he would have to pull their bodies a part, he would feel the absence of her. And he was terrified that feeling the loss of her may very well break him.
The light of the day began to shine through the window casting sunlight on the bare olive skin stretching along her back, the tones of her complexion glowed under the light. Her arms were stretched out above her head, her thick curls tangled around her biceps while the rest was pressed between the pillow and her cheek.
Peeta scooted closer to her until his chest was up against the side of her breast, as he propped himself up on his side by his elbow. He reached out his free hand to her back, tracing a light touch down the line of her spine. Katniss shivered before giggling the front of her body lifting off of the bed for a few seconds.
Katniss buried her face into the pillow below her," That tickles."
Peeta shook his head a bemused smile playing at his lips," It's supposed to be sexy."
Her dark hair fell over his forearm as she turned her face towards him," Well, it tickles to me."
Peeta creased his brow," Perhaps you're just strange."
Katniss stuck her tongue out at him while nudging his chest with her side, causing the sheet at the small of her back to slide midway down her bottom.
Peeta chuckled softly before reaching a finger out to her running the tip of his finger over her bottom lip," I can think of a better use for that thing."
Katniss rolled her eyes feigning hurt," Gross."
Peeta curved his bottom lip out nodding," Gross, huh?"
Katniss laughed nodding," Yes, gross."
Peeta shrugged," Alright, you asked for it."
Katniss raised a brow, curious about his response when without warning he grabbed her by the side rolling her on her back. Katniss laughed deeply, her bare chest rising and falling rapidly, as Peeta straddled her legs, settling above her.
Katniss kicked out playfully underneath him, while his right hand went to her hands capturing each one with his palm. His other hand went to her side grazing her ribs there, Katniss now trapped beneath him tried to bend her body to the side, vainly attempting to fight off the attack.
She was unsuccessful as a rush of laughter came over her, Katniss struggled to catch her breath, as Peeta buried his face in her neck, kissing her pressure point. Katniss rolled the back of her head on her pillow, tangling her hair even more, as her lungs burned from the lack of air.
Peeta lifted his face up, their noses now touching," Do you give up?"
Katniss smiled softly," And what if I don't? What if I want to keep fighting?"
Peeta smiled, as he caressed the side of her face with his free hand," Well, you wouldn't be my girl if you decided not to fight back," Peeta kissed her on her nose softly before raising back to look into her grey eyes," I don't know how I would feel if you were any different… probably lost."
Katniss cleared her throat a mischievous gleam in her eyes," That's good to know."
Before Peeta could question, her right knee rose up forcing itself into the side of his stomach causing him to roll off of her in mock pain. Katniss laughed as he held his side, settling down beside her, the sheet twisting around their legs.
Peeta sighed as he watched her," I'm lucky you have bad aim."
Katniss narrowed her eyes at him as she pushed her hair from her face," Actually, I missed on purpose. If I really wanted to hurt you I would have aimed lower and over to the side, but I figured I wasn't done with you yet, so I didn't want to damage anything."
Peeta smiled softly before it faltered and his face became somber," Yeah."
She watched him fold his arms over his chest, his shoulders pressing into the mattress.
"Peeta I didn't mean for it to sound like I was using you," Katniss groaned rubbing her face harshly," I am such an idiot."
She could feel him move beside her, Katniss assumed he was preparing to leave the bed, angry from her foolish mistake. When she felt his hands on hers bringing them from her face she was more than shocked, her eyes meeting his, their joined hands resting at her chest.
Peeta breathed in deeply before speaking," It's just occurred to me that the only time I feel safe enough to be who I really am is when I'm with you," Peeta slipped one of his hands from hers to bring it up to her face, tracing the lines of her bone structure," I have to fake everything with everyone and along the road I lost who I was, but you help me remember and I missed feeling… genuine."
Katniss turned her head to the side, leaning into his hand, kissing his palm," I think you give me far too much credit."
Peeta shook his head," I don't think you receive enough," Peeta's hand traveled up to the crown of her head fingering the small strands there," Do you realize the strength it took for you to survive for as long as you did? You had to fight for yourself, because no one else would."
Katniss could feel the tears welling up in her eyes," You make it sound more powerful than it really is."
Peeta leaned down placing his lips onto hers softly in a chaste kiss before rising," Most people, myself included would have given up long ago."
Katniss let go if his hand leaving it at her bare chest, reaching up to cup his face," I don't think you realize the capacity for love you have. It's a gift that others tried to take form you, but you held onto it," Katniss thumbs rubbed at his cheek bones," that takes strength too."
Peeta shook his head," I didn't have strength when I left you, when we were younger."
Katniss kissed him softly, her lips were still against his when she spoke," But you're here now."
Peeta parted from her," But think of all the time we lost because I was careless."
Katniss lowered her hands to his chest as he hovered over her, his hand still at her hair while other laid at her chest," What do you mean careless?"
Peeta combed through the strands of hair not trapped underneath her head," It was after we kissed for the last time before I left, I was at the center of the city picking through any spare and forgotten resources, mostly food and clothing I could bring back to the orphanage. I was across from the cart of the jewelry maker and there was this necklace with a silver chain, and at the end was a small pearl. It made me think about you and honestly I hadn't stopped thinking about you since we kissed, I wanted to give you something that would mean that we belonged to each other. So even though I knew how foolish it was to try to take it, I tried anyway, and I got caught," Peeta closed his eyes as he continued on willing the tears not to fall," I was able to lie convincingly to the Peacekeepers and merchant about how my mother had a necklace that was similar, and how on her deathbed she had clung onto the necklace until with her last breath her hand opened and it fell to the ground. The female merchant had already started to cry and it appeared one of the Peacekeepers had begun to as well, when I turned around slowly, trying to calmly make my escape I ran into someone. I had bumped into President Snow, apparently he had been watching me for some time even before I went for the necklace. He gave me two choices, either I dedicate my like toward the Capitol or I wouldn't have a life at all. So I left you because I wasn't strong enough to get away."
Katniss raised herself up on her elbows, her lips brushing his," I think you need to forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault."
Peeta sighed," Then why do I feel like it is?"
Katniss shook her head, the ends of her dark curls brushing against the pillow beneath her," I don't know, maybe all of the pain and regret just need to be let go of."
Peeta laid down onto his back while pulling Katniss towards him, their bodies settled into the mattress together. She flipped her hair back careful not to catch it between her back and Peeta's arm as he wrapped his arms around her.
Katniss laid her ear against the spot where his heart beat was, the steady pulse sent shivers through her naked body, as Peeta craned his neck to kiss her on top of her head, his arms squeezing her tight.
Katniss inhaled deeply," Everything is going to be different between us now, isn't it?"
Peeta moved his hands up and down her sides affectionately," I think so."
Peeta could feel the breathe in his lungs cease as he waited for her to respond, everything went silent except for the sound of blood rushing to his ears. When a couple of seconds went by without her speaking Peeta craned his neck to the side to see her face.
She had fallen asleep, Peeta had to hold back his laughter when she began to lightly snore, her breath warm on his bare chest. Peeta closed his eyes thankful for the short time he already had with her, because he knew that it wouldn't last, because for him there was always pain waiting to shatter any hope he had gained.
And the dark haired woman holding onto him as she slept, trusting him enough to be unguarded, was the closest thing he knew to peace.
The tips of her toes scrapped against the wooden floor boards as she swung her legs back and forth with nervous energy. It was proving more difficult to be in a room with him and act as though nothing had changed, than she previously expected.
He would sneak glances at her from across the table from behind his bangs as they fell in front of his blue eyes. A knowing smirk formed at the corners of his mouth and she wanted to playfully kick him for not being able to hide his true feelings.
To be honest, Katniss was also finding it difficult to not appear giddy at the moment, with her hands as idle as her legs she picked up her fork scrapping it along her plate until she caught a piece of fruit. She brought the fork to her lips before looking across the table to find Peeta still watching her as he also tried to busy his hands.
Katniss darted her tongue out before placing the fruit there slowly, intentionally wanting Peeta to squirm. He narrowed his eyes at her, a groan escaped his lips as she closed her mouth dramatically.
Hazelle had been watching the exchange from the kitchen where she had been going about her daily chores. She couldn't help but notice the obvious change to their mannerisms, the tension that usually surrounded them was nearly nonexistent and Hazelle feared what the cause had been for such a change.
She was too occupied with seeming busy that she didn't notice when Haymitch came up behind her, the hand he placed on her shoulder startling her.
Her hand flew to her chest as she fought to breathe through the shock," Haymitch! You shouldn't do that."
Haymitch shrugged as he stuffed a piece of pastry into his mouth," Woman, it's not my damn fault you don't pay attention."
Hazelle shrugged while absentmindedly gliding a wash cloth over the counter top," I was preoccupied."
Haymitch looked around them curiously," What the hell with," his search stopped when he noticed the two seated in the dining room," Those two? Why?"
Hazelle sighed tossing the cloth behind her causing it to land beside the sink," It doesn't matter."
Haymitch shrugged following her into the dining room," Then why do you look so worried, like you're about to vomit?"
Hazelle looked back, throwing him a glare," Shut it."
Haymitch stopped in his tracks taken aback by her tone, Hazelle was never one to tolerate his behavior not even when they were kids, but there was something different about her demeanor. There were few times that she had actually ever snapped at him, the most recent had been after Maysilee's death.
He had been wallowing in his grief for almost two months until Hazelle decided that it was time he actually shave and shower, in return he had yelled expletives at her, he couldn't remember most of it, but when her fist landed against his jaw, he felt more awake than he had in a long time.
It was at that moment that he began to truly respect Hazelle Hawthorne and the influence she had on those around her. He could see her shoulders tense as she entered the dining room, her voice cheery and upbeat, apparently the other two weren't concerned but Haymitch was troubled by it.
Peeta watched as Haymitch followed Hazelle to the table, his chipped nails digging into the wood of a chair before he flipped it around, the back resting against his chest , his legs on either side while he folded his arms over the top.
Peeta tried to ignore the direct stare from Haymitch, he directed his attention back to his plate where he scooted his food to one side then the other. He was far too occupied with seeming unaffected by Katniss' presence that he missed Hazelle at his elbow.
When she touched his arm to get his attention, the tip of his fork tipped the side of his plate sending it spinning on its side. Katniss tried to suppress a laugh, her hand going to her mouth, while Hazelle sighed and Haymitch raised an eye brow.
Peeta cleared his throat as he scrambled to recover pieces of fruit and bread from the table," Hazelle you scared me."
Hazelle tilted her head curiously," I'm sorry. You just seem like your mind was somewhere else. Was it?"
Peeta placed the food on his plate before he turned to her his eyes wide," No," Peeta swallowed," Why would it?"
Hazelle nodded before turning toward Katniss," Katniss how was your whole ordeal last night, it must have been incredibly uncomfortable."
Katniss choked on the piece of fruit," Exscuse me?"
Hazelle smiled softly," Being caught in the rain, remember? You told me that's how you got the cuts on your legs by falling to the ground because of the mud."
Katniss nodded," Yes, that's right. I'm fine now, I made it through."
Peeta had become uncomfortable by the silence that fell over the group, clearing his throat he placed his hands on the side of the table pushing his chair back.
"I have some things I need to handle," Peeta looked up at Katniss, her eyes already following his movements," so I should go…. Ummm-"
Haymitch grined," Handle them?"
Peeta smiled his lips strained, pointing to Haymitch," Yes!"
Peeta stood up frozen in his place before he turned from the table walking quickly to the foyer that led to the stairs and ultimately the second floor. Haymitch turned his chair to watch Katniss, the wooden legs echoing a thud through the room.
Katniss exchanged glances with both he and Hazelle until she mumbled something about needing to rest. Her legs had tangled with the chair causing her to almost fall face forward beside the table.
She righted her footing making her way around the table, careful not to run into Haymitch as he sat watching her. Katniss all but ran from the dining room, earning a chuckle from Haymitch.
He leaned back, his hands holding on the chair," So you know they're having sex right?"
Hazelle nodded picking up a stray piece of fruit to throw it across the table," Yes, I know."
The worn pad of paper tickled the palm of his hand as he steadied it, his arm bent at the elbow, as his other hand held onto a piece of charcoal. His legs were outstretched before him, setting on the ledge of the wall that spanned around the porch.
He turned his ankles around in circles to ensure that the circulation hadn't stopped, there was nothing worse than when your legs fell asleep. The thin piece of coal danced around the page, leaving thick prominent markings in its wake.
He had been inspired after their time together after breakfast this morning, he had been waiting for her when she had come upstairs. Peeta had startled her when he took her by the wrist pulling her body to his, it didn't take long until she was kissing him, and in the hallway they had rediscovered the curves of each other's body.
Peeta smiled to himself as her face started to form underneath the smudges of charcoal, she was his muse, the real inspiration he craved. He was following the lines transforming the blank page into an image when someone came up beside him, nearly knocking him off of the wall.
Peeta clutched his chest with the hand holding the coal," Hell, Haymitch! You scared me!"
Haymitch rose a brow," You've been pretty jumpy lately. There a reason why?"
Peeta shook his head folding the pad closed," No, not at all."
Haymitch sighed rubbing his hand over his bearded face," Can we cut the shit here?"
Peeta looked to him, his brow creasing," What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you and the girl. Do you really think you two were so smooth that Hazelle and I couldn't tell that something is going on between the two of you?"
Peeta hung his head," It isn't what you think, it's more-"
Haymitch covered his eyes a groan escaping his lips," Don't' tell me you-"
Peeta looked back over to Haymitch," I love her, Haymitch."
Haymitch lowered his hand, his eyes sad," Kid, I was afraid of that. I was hoping it was just about sex, that we could deal with."
Peeta reached at his neck, massaging the muscles there," What am I supposed to do? Just let her go ahead and marry another man?"
Haymitch nodded," Yes."
Peeta shook his head," I can't-"
Haymitch stepped into him," The woman I loved died because I thought that I could say whatever I wanted to about the Capitol, and that I alone would reap the repercussions, but you and I know they don't work that way. They come at you sideways, they take what you love the most and my wife is dead because I was too vain to realize how it all worked, and you are doing the same with Katniss."
Peeta jumped from the wall, the sketch book falling to the ground open to the page he had been working on," Do you think I want her to feel any more pain?"
Haymitch bent down picking the pad up, he studied the drawing before giving it back to Peeta," You made your decision kid, don't make her have to suffer through them with you. Think about what's best for her."
Peeta watched as Haymitch walked down the steps to where his lonely cabin sat. He knew he was watching his future walking away from him, he too would become isolated and bitter.
Even though it pained him to do so, Peeta would have to give her up, and any hope for the future he had been holding onto to.
A/N: There's only a few chapters left in this story, and I hope everyone is still enjoying it. PLEASE REVIEW.