A/N: You readers have to be the sweetest people on Earth; thank you all for the well wishes, recovery is going well! So, as to move this story a little bit faster (and to make up for the long wait between chapters), I've combined two chapters into one, like the last one.
[ThEoNeAnDoNlYeLiZaBeTh]: Thank you so much for your review, I'm so humbled by your remarks! Also, thanks for continuing to read the story even after the many grammatical errors, goes to show that no matter how many times you edit the story yourself, it's always best to have a beta! I'm actually pretty embarrassed to reread my stories and find all the mistakes, I'm hoping to go back and polish everything once the story is done.
[loganlover84]: I can guarantee you that James and Katie will end up together, but only when the story allows. ;) Please be patient lol.
[bigtimerangergirl123, salifast32, annabellex2, TeamBTR44, and Ninjabrownie]: Thank you so much for continuously leaving your positive comments!
Disclaimer: Umm...nope, BTR still isn't mine.
The day had passed, and Katie hadn't had direct contact with James. Already, she felt like something was missing from her life. As promised, anything that had to be professionally dealt with, James sent messages through Kelly, and vise versa. Katie's Tuesday lunch with Kelly, was spent going over the details of James' schedule for the next six months. At this moment, he was busy in the studio, recording yet another solo album, therefore having very little reason to update Katie on anything.
Kelly peered across her water glass and studied Katie, who it seemed, hadn't slept all night. "Katie," Kelly began, as soon as they closed up their respected binders. "what happened on Sunday? You left in such a hurry that night. And yesterday, James wasn't himself, usually, he's really focused during the recording sessions, but he didn't even get to finish recording the song. I saw you guys dancing together, is there something that you need to talk about?"
Katie hesitated, she didn't know if she wanted to once again explain her overdramatic life with someone else; she felt that already too many people knew about this. Magdalene forced her to spill every detail over lunch yesterday and as one of her closest friends, Katie had to tell her, not to mention that she caught James and Katie's quarrel in her office. While Mags was sympathetic, she chose not to offer any advice to Katie, feeling like this was one battle that Katie had to face on her own.
When she came home yesterday, Kendall wasn't there and didn't come back until after Katie had gone to bed. But, because she had seemingly picked up her mother's habit of worrying over her brother, she couldn't fall asleep. She lay awake until she heard her brother come home. Kendall had quietly opened her bedroom door to stand in the doorway, only to watch his sister for a few minutes before retreating back to his own bedroom for the night. His peculiar actions caused Katie to wonder if her brother had developed a completely different opinion of her; Katie was a person who could lose a lot of things in life and still move on, but she didn't think that she could lose her brother. When he left her room, Katie willed herself to believe that rejecting James was the right thing to do, everything would go back to normal and her brother would love her again.
Katie smiled sadly at Kelly. The mother of three deserved to know the truth, but Katie knew that Kelly was a buffer between she and James, and she needed to remain neutral. "It's nothing too serious, I think it'll all blow over in a couple of days. James and I, we had a disagreement, but I think he'll see it my way soon."
Kelly looked over at Katie with what she interpreted as pity. Kelly set down her glass and placed a hand on Katie's arm. Kelly's mothering ways were directed at her, "Katie, I've watched you blossom into a beautiful, bright, successful, young woman. But, I don't think I've seen you happy for the past couple of years," she shook her head when she saw Katie bristle in indignation, "I mean, really happy. Yes, you've started a successful business and you're establishing yourself as a career woman, but, you've come to the point where you're doing this to achieve something, and not to fulfil your happiness. I've spent a good twenty years watching people achieve their dreams and desires, and you've lost that spark that elates people when they're loving life. It's like you're cruising by, waiting for something to happen, and the Katie that I used to know, didn't wait around, she went out and searched for it."
Katie listened to Kelly, trying to decipher her words, but couldn't. "I don't understand, I get what you're saying but, I don't think that it applies to me. I really do love what I'm doing, nothing can make me happier."
Kelly sighed in resignation. "You wish that James will see it your way soon, but, Katie, I think you need to see it my way even sooner."
Katie spent the afternoon with Carlos, feeling even more empty after her conversation with Kelly. She shuffled around Rodeo Drive, idling in stores that Carlos wanted to go into, to get ready for his dinner meeting with Ali. She barely paid attention to what he was saying and simply agreed to everything.
"So you think that I should wear this plaid shirt with these striped pants, which will go perfectly with that Stetson?"
Katie seemed to snap out of her haze for a moment, "Oh, what? Oh, geez, no. Here, take this and," she manoeuvred to a pile of shirts, "this to try on." She draped the choices onto one of his arms and gave him a small smile.
Carlos pulled her to sit down in one of the armchairs in the store and seated himself on the coffee table across from her. He gave her a serious stare, something that Katie wasn't used to.
"Speak."
"Carlos..." Katie sighed, dragging out his name. At this point, she just felt so exhausted, only wanting to curl up in a ball and sleep for days.
"Katie, you just left on Sunday night, without saying a word and leaving behind some stupid note. Do you realize how worried we were? All of us? Kendall was about to faint and Logan had a conniption. I waited for you to call me yesterday to explain but you didn't, so I waited for James to come home and tell me what the heck is going on with you guys, but he didn't even come home yesterday. And don't tell me it's nothing, because I know something is up," Carlos spewed, completely out of nature. Katie had never seen him act so mature, or so worried, but at this moment, she couldn't deal with any more questions.
"Nothing! Nothing is up, okay?" Katie shouted, standing up, causing the store patrons to stare at her. "I am so sick and tired of people telling me to explain myself. I just want to live my life the way I want to. And if I don't want James to be a part of it, then just accept it, okay? Because it's never going to happen, we're never going to be together!" Katie had turned hysterical, heaving in and out. She dropped her voice and finished off forlornly, "We're just not meant to be."
Carlos stood up, shooing away the shop's attending staff who wanted to check on Katie, he tried to place a hand on Katie, but she brushed him off.
"No, I'm sorry, Carlos. But, if anyone touches me, right now, I'll just fall apart, and I can't, I won't." Katie turned to walk out the store, unaware of everyone's gaze upon her.
Katie felt guilty for leaving Carlos, especially right before his big dinner meeting, and for shouting at him, but she couldn't stand the pitying looks from the people around her. All of them acted like they were in on something that Katie wasn't privy to. She sent a text to Camille, asking her to help Carlos out with whatever he needed that day, and turned off her cellphone so that no one could contact her. She drove up to the mountains and found her favourite spot to be a recluse. From this point, she could see every inch of Los Angeles, her home for the past decade. For the first time, Katie stared down from the hood of the car and felt a disconnect with the city. She leaned back against the windshield, shielding her eyes from the blazing sun.
She placed her free hand against her heart, wanting to feel the rhythm of the organ that kept her alive, wanting to know that she was alive. The sick hollow feeling was spreading across her body, as if her body was deteriorating from the inside out. She knew that part of the feeling was because of the dilemma she currently faced with James, but she felt like it was more than that, something else was bothering her, too. Remembering her exponentially larger problem with Fulton wanting to take her company away, she knew that her feeling of desolation was partially due to the idea that she was slowly losing her greatest achievement and she had no inclination as what to do about it. Katie frowned, she loved her job, but, everything lately, just seemed to be bogging down at work. First with Fulton, and then the increase in clients, even though she loved working with Carlos and venturing into the music industry with James, but it was too much, too fast. She was drowning. For the first time in her life, Katie had no idea where she was going next. She thought of Kelly's insistence that Katie wasn't happy, and Katie tried to remember the last time she felt complete contentment. Being surrounded by the people she loved definitely gave her a feeling of joy, and she couldn't remember the last time that she had felt so carefree and light. She laughed more this week, than in the last six months and that in itself made her feel more depressed.
"Katie, thank goodness, Katie!" Kendall shouted, scooping her up the second she walked through the door after midnight. He placed her on her feet and inspected her carefully. Katie saw a few emotions running through his green eyes, but he didn't react like she thought he would. Instead, he cleared his throat and said, "Um, hey, baby sis," before he nonchalantly headed to the couch.
Katie quirked an eyebrow as she closed the door behind her, "Hey?" She dropped her bag on dining room table. She continued watching as he casually turned the t.v. on, waiting for him to flip out on her.
After five minutes of Kendall pretending to watch the nature channel, she rolled her eyes and went to turn off the television.
"Hey, I was watching that!"
"No, you weren't. Come on, I'm waiting for you to scold me for coming home late, and Carlos probably called you to tell you about my meltdown today. So, let's hear it."
Kendall sighed, and patted the seat cushion next to him. Katie sighed as well, but sat down anyway.
"I'm not going to yell at you. I did some heavy thinking yesterday." Katie's eyebrows shot up, causing Kendall to roll his eyes, "I'm being serious. Anyway, after our last conversation, I just kept thinking of how mature you were being about, well, everything. Sure, running away wasn't probably your best move and turning off your cell phone all day had me worried sick, but, in all honesty, you've been taking care of yourself for years. I know we visit each other pretty often, but this time, it's like I'm seeing a whole different side of you. You're so invested into your work, you made sure that we had a good time out here by indulging us in that mini-vacation to Malibu, and while you did fall off the band wagon when it came to your health, I can see that you are starting to make a conscience effort to be good about it. It's about time I started seeing you as an adult and stopped treating you like my ten year old sister, because you have become one of the greatest woman I know."
"So, you're not mad at me for kissing James?" Katie asked, secretly pleased that her brother didn't have a horrible opinion of her, but rather, was proud of the person that she became.
"Oh hell yeah, I'm still mad, furious even, but," Kendall pulled Katie into a side hug, "that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop loving you." He kissed the top of her head, "You'll always be my baby sister."
Katie wrapped both her arms around his waist, "You don't know how good it is to hear you say that." She sat up and gave him the best smile she could muster, causing Kendall's eyebrows to knit together. She started to get up to change out of her day clothes, but Kendall pulled her back.
"Katie," Kendall started, "I just want you to be happy."
There it was again, that word, happy. Katie couldn't understand why all of a sudden, people kept telling her that she looked unhappy.
Kendall continued, "Spend the day with me tomorrow. Don't go into work, and leave your cellphone at home. I promised Kelly and Gustavo that I would watch Max, Kyle and Stella for them. We could hang out with the kids at the park. It'd be good for you."
Katie hesitated, but saw the desperation in her brother's eyes. She agreed. "Okay, I'll send a message to Mags to tell her I won't be in tomorrow." Katie truly smiled when she thought of the absolute freedom she'll have tomorrow without worrying about work or James.
"So which park are we going to?" Katie asked, as she slowly pulled out of the Rocques' driveway in James' car. She really had to start shopping for a new one. Kendall grinned at her from behind his sunglasses.
"Yeah, where are we going, Kendall?" Max asked from the backseat, where he was strapped in with his brother and sister.
Stella made a gurgling noise from her carrier, transformed into a car seat.
Katie leaned towards her brother, but kept her gaze on the road, "Shouldn't you be sitting back there with them?"
"Technically, yes, but there's no room. And they are not allowed to sit shotgun," Kendall replied, matter-of-factly.
"And this is why soccer-moms need vans," Katie muttered to herself. "So, where to, big bro?" She asked again.
"Palm Woods Park."
Katie grinned at the windshield, thinking of her old childhood hang out. "Really?"
"Really," Kendall turned around in his seat so that he could look at the kids. "Who's ready for the park?"
Kyle, really only understanding the one word, raised his hands in glee, "Park!"
"That's right, little guy, we're going to the park," Kendall cheerfully replied.
Once Katie pulled into the Palm Woods parking lot, she looked up at the hotel that housed her childhood upbringing. She breathed in the air, "Wow, I've missed this place."
"Little help here, Katie," Kendall cried, as he tried to stop Max from zooming away from the car, meanwhile trying to balance both Kyle and Stella in one hand. Katie got out of the car and raced to the trunk to pull out the double stroller. She struggled with the opening of the deluxe cart for a few minutes before settling Kyle in his seat.
The little boy with his eyes wide open looked at Katie, "Park?"
Katie bent down and kissed his head, "Yes, Kyle, we are going to the park." She kept an eye on him as she strapped Max into one of the child leashes, so that he couldn't run far away from her. Normally, she was completely against this, but she didn't want to lose one of the kids and incurring one of Gustavo's wraths.
Kendall buckled Stella's baby carrier into the stroller; Katie had to hand to the stroller industry, they really knew how to make things handy for people.
Max huffed and threw on a pout, crossing his little arms, "I'm not a doggy."
Katie and Kendall smiled at each other. Kendall patted the top of Max's head. "Don't worry, little man, we'll have you out of that leash the second that we reach the playground, if," Kendall stressed, "you promise not to leave the playground."
Max gave him a look of puzzlement, "Why would I leave the playground? Playgrounds are fun."
Kendall shrugged, agreeing with him, "You're right. Let's go!" He picked up the cooler and the picnic blanket while Katie pushed the stroller with Max attached to her wrist. They walked towards the playground and settled under a nearby tree. Katie quickly released the squirming child from the leash, who quickly made way to the swirly slide.
Kyle put up his hands again when he watched his brother race towards the slide. "Park! Park!"
Katie giggled, and unbuckled the toddler. "Okay, Kyle, what do you want to play with?"
"'Wing. I wan' 'wing," Kyle said happily.
Kendall took the child from Katie. "Alright, buddy. You and I are going to play with the swings." He turned to his sister, "Are you okay to watch Stella?"
Katie nodded, "Of course. It's a good thing this girl is a sleeper," she smiled, knowing that it was rare for newborns to leave their mothers for even a few hours. Kendall laughed at his sister's remark before returning his full attention to Kyle. Katie watched as her brother repeatedly lifted Kyle high in the air and pretended to drop him on the way to the swing set, causing the little boy to laugh hysterically. She also kept an eye out on Max, who apparently had befriended another little boy playing on the swirly slide. Katie silently thanked whoever was listening that Gustavo's kids were nothing like him. She placed Stella's carrier onto the blanket so that she could sit and mind the baby simultaneously. She pulled out a comic book to read, one that she had been meaning to read for ages.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't little miss Katie Knight."
Katie was startled out of her engrossment of the comic book. She looked up at the speaker who was currently looming over her. When she recognized the speaker, she hastily stood up.
"Mr. Bitters!" Out of character, Katie reached around the large man in a quick hug. "How are you?"
Like they had entered the twilight zone, Mr. Bitters laughed. "I'm good. I'm good. Still running this disaster of a place," he joked, motioning to the Palm Woods.
Katie smirked, knowing that he loved what he did. "You look great," she couldn't help but tease him a little, for old times sake, "something highly out of the ordinary."
Bitters shrugged and held up his left hand, "That may have something to do with the missis." The ring around his finger gleamed.
Katie gasped openly, "You're married."
"Three years, next month," Bitters grinned.
"How? I mean, who? I mean, congratulations!" Katie stammered, completely caught off guard by the news that the hotel manager was happily married.
Katie knew that the man before her had changed with marriage, because instead of yelling at her for being disrespectful, he chuckled good-naturedly. "I know, it is shocking, but I think I found the woman of my dreams, and we just came back from a year-long vacation. All-in-all, I am a very lucky man." Bitters looked down pointedly at the sleeping Stella, "Well, what about you? I see you've got a little one there."
Katie shook her head, but grinned, "Oh, she isn't mine. I'm just watching her for Gustavo and Kelly, you remember them, right?"
"Ah, of course. If it weren't for them, you and the hooligans would have never come to live at the Palm Woods. Speaking of which, how are they?" Bitters inquired.
Katie thought she would never see the day that Mr. Bitters would ask after the guys, but here she was, a decade later, with everything seemingly turned upside down. She spent the next fifteen minutes trying to catch up Bitters on their lives, but there was only so much she could fit into such a short amount of time.
"I'm sorry, Katie, but I do have to get back to work," Bitters said regretfully, as he stuck out his hand. "You should come by another time, we should play another round of air hockey while we finish catching up."
Katie laughed, "Okay, but make sure you see Kendall before you go back, he's right there by the rocking dinosaur," she pointed out.
Bitters smiled, "It was good seeing you, Katie."
Katie returned his grin, "You, too." She watched as Bitters approached Kendall, startling her brother from his playdate with Kyle. Kendall embraced him in a hug, grinning as he did so. The two caught up for a few minutes before Katie saw Mr. Bitters look at his watch and Kendall nodded in understanding. Mr. Bitters walked back to the hotel and Kendall turned to catch her eye, pointing at the hotel manager's retreating back with a look of disbelief. Katie smiled and shrugged before returning to her book.
She continued reading until Max came running up to her a short while later. "Katie, I'm hungry."
Katie put her book down and tickled the little boy. "Good, 'cause we have some sandwiches waiting to be eaten."
Max let out a giggle, before turning around to look at the playground, "Is Kendall eating with us?"
Katie looked at the playground as well and spotted her brother. She laughed at Kendall's current predicament. Her brother was being harassed by a woman who, apparently, had taken a liking to the supposed single father. She watched, amused, as her brother gently tried to edged away from the over-exuberant single mother herself. As much as she loved Kendall, she equally loved seeing him suffer every once in a while, too.
"You know what, Max? Kendall looks busy, why don't we just get started on lunch, and he can join us afterwards."
Max shrugged and plopped himself down onto the picnic blanket. Katie handed him a sandwich and a juice-box. She was about to help herself to one, when Stella woke up. Katie happily took the baby out of the carrier and fed her while Max was chowing down on lunch. Tired of the silence, the little boy looked questioningly at Katie.
"Where's James? Didn't he want to come play with me?"
Katie was stunned and stared at Max for a little while before coming out of her stupor. She gave a small smile, "I'm not sure. I haven't talked to him recently, but I'm sure that he wanted to come play with you today, he's probably busy working." Even though she had wanted to spend the day not worrying about James, she couldn't help but lapse into moments when she would wonder what he was doing at that very moment.
Max swallowed, "How come you don't talk to him? Mommy says that you guys like each other, and when mommy and daddy like each other, they talk." He answered logically.
Flustered, Katie tried to explain herself to her companion. "James and I like each other, but we don't like each other the way that your mom and dad like...each other," Katie ended awkwardly, noticing how she was repeating the same phrase over and over again.
"Yes, you do. That's why daddy wrote that song, We Don't Know. He said that it was about you and James. I tried listening to it, but I don't get it. How can you not know if you like someone? If you like someone, you want to play with them all the time, and if you don't, then you don't play with them, right?" Max questioned, before taking another bite of his sandwich. "Oh look, Kendall and Kyle are coming over!" He waved them over to the blanket.
Katie continued feeding Stella, digesting what Max had said to her. She knew that she was a muse for Gustavo for that song, but she hadn't realized that the song was about her and James. Katie recalled that James had told her that the song was about his personal life, she sighed and shook her head, not wanting to stress out over the man. She frowned, slightly putout that a child seemed to have a better understanding of relationships than she did.
"Hey!" Kendall cried out, somewhat angrily, as he and Kyle reached them. "Why didn't you come and save me from super-mom? I know you saw me!" Kendall's eyes bugged out as he gently seated Kyle down beside his brother. Kyle reached out and tried to grab his brother's juice-box. Katie hastily reached into the cooler and pulled out his sippy-cup before a fight ensued between the siblings.
She looked at Kendall and smirked, "Oh, I just thought that you were having a nice chat with a lady-friend. Why, did something happen?" She asked in faux confusion.
Kendall made a face, "Ha ha. Very funny. I'm glad you had a good laugh at my expense!" He said sarcastically, before searching for the hand-sanitizer.
Katie laughed, "I did, thanks." Stella had finished drinking her milk so Katie prepared to burp her. Kendall watched his sister with a gleam in his eyes, grabbing food for both Kyle and him.
"You know," he said, as he bit into his lunch, "you'd make a pretty decent mom."
Katie let out a derisive chuckle as she patted Stella's back. "Didn't you just tell me like a week ago that I shouldn't have kids?"
Kendall shook his head before swallowing, "I said that you should not have biological kids. I told you to adopt some. I'm totally serious," he stated when he saw Katie roll her eyes, "You're a complete natural. Stella hasn't cried and Kyle and Max are still one piece."
Katie rolled her eyes again, "Don't be weird and eat your lunch."
Kyle toddled over to Katie, and perched his little hands on her thigh before quizzically asking, "Mama?" Katie glanced at Kendall, worried about the possible chain-reaction of tears that might occur if all the kids realized that Kelly wasn't with them. She stopped patting Stella to stroke his curly brown hair.
"Mama is with daddy, right now. Kendall and I are going to take you, Stella and Max for ice cream before we meet up with them, okay?" Katie waited with bated breath as she watched the child contemplate her answer.
"I-cream?"
Katie smiled, "Ice cream."
"'Kay." Kyle turned back to his lunch.
Katie let out a sigh of relief, Kendall smirked at her, "Told ya."
When they all finished eating, Katie made sure that they all took a bathroom break before heading out to the ice cream parlour. She strolled Kyle and Stella into the woman's washroom, and Kendall took Max. While Katie wasn't a fan of dirty diapers, she wasn't sure that Kendall would survive changing one, let alone two.
At the ice cream parlour, they decided to sit outside, allowing the kids to eat their rapidly dripping cones whilst watching the skaters across the street perform tricks on their boards. Katie secretly hoped that Max wasn't developing an interest in skateboarding, in case he took after his father in this particular department, wincing as she remembered a certain crash. Kendall went inside to grab a few napkins and Katie joined the kids watching the entertainment.
She got a feeling of nostalgia when one teen was trying to teach a younger girl how to perform a specific trick on the board. She thought back to when the boys would hang out in front of their homes in Minnesota, skating back and forth, and she would sit inside, waiting until her mom left for work so she could join the guys. Kendall refused to teach her, and threatened to beat any of his friends who would, in case she got hurt. Logan quickly agreed with his friend, listing all sorts of medical emergencies that could possible happen. Carlos, not wanting to get on his friend's bad side, didn't teach Katie either, but slipped her an extra helmet, receiving a dangerous glare from Kendall. James stood quiet, nodding along with his friends. When the guys decided that they wanted to practice their ramp jumps, James whined about not having his lucky comb on him, and he didn't want to risk falling down and blemishing 'the face.' Instead, he hung out directly across the street from where Katie had situated herself, practising basic manoeuvres. Katie watched as he performed the same moves over and over again, until she realized that he was doing it for her benefit. Eventually, she was able to skate along with the boys, and when Kendall asked where she learned it, she blamed it on television.
Katie sighed, staring at the skateboarders; it seemed everything she did reminded her of James. She subconsciously kept thinking of what he was doing, if he was still angry with her, if he was even thinking of her. She shook her head, wondering how it was that James had seemingly taken over her brain in a such a short time span, she felt like a preteen, again, obsessing over a guy. Katie wondered when she became this sort of woman; she hoped that she wasn't becoming reliant on a man for happiness. She bit her lip, thinking about Bitters. The man was now married and elated, but he also mentioned that he just came back from a year-long vacation. She then thought about Carlos, who was arguably, the happiest person that she knew, and how he spent two years exploring the world. Her eyes widened, as she suddenly felt like a burden had been lifted off her shoulders, when a thought sprung to mind.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Kendall's voice broke her concentration.
She turned to see that her brother had returned with much needed serviettes to wipe the children's mouths.
Katie smiled up at her brother, "I think I just came up with a way for me to be 'happy.'"
"Really?" Her brother quirked an infamous eyebrow.
Katie nodded, giggling. "I think I'm going on vacation."
Kendall grinned hopefully, "Are you coming back to Minnesota with me?"
Katie shrugged, "Don't know, yet. But I know that I need to get out of here and just...escape."
"What about work? Aren't you in the process of duking it out with Fulton? And aren't you hiring someone, too?"
"I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing, yet, but I'll figure something out before I leave," she replied optimistically.
"And what about James?" Kendall asked hesitantly.
Katie took a serviette and wiped the boys' mouths before turning her attention back to her brother. "I don't know. I expect time will just blow this thing over, and I'll get past it. We'll both get over it, besides, I'm not exactly his favourite person right now."
Kendall frowned, seeing his sister's defeated smile, but didn't comment. "If that's what you want."
"It's what I need."
A/N: Well, I know it's not the most Jatie-ladened chapter, but we'll get there, eventually. I'm trying to make the chapters longer to get to the moment when they get together faster, but please be patient!
As always, thanks so much for taking the time to read this story!
Love,
D