Chapter Two: Emma Has The Worst Taste In Men

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.

The year of barely-paid servitude (just enough to get by so they could continue working) had finally ended. It had been longer for some than for others and it was generally agreed upon that if they were judging how long it had felt by the amount of complaining then Carver had felt like it was at least three years. Now that it was over, however, they needed some other way to survive and would rather not stay poverty-stricken refugees forever. Thus, they were going to go on the dwarf Bartrand's expedition.

They just had to convince him of it.

"What part of 'no' don't you humans get?" Bartrand grumbled as he attempted to hurry away from him.

"It was mostly the part where you didn't give us what we wanted," Bethany said helpfully.

"I have all the hired muscle that I need," Bartrand insisted.

"But we'd be the only mages going on the trip and thus capable of far more damage from farther away than your other men," Emma pointed out. "And did I mention that Bethany can heal, as well? That's really invaluable for so many weeks down there."

Carver groaned. "By the Maker, sister, do you have to let everyone know that you two are mages? Now that we no longer have protection, letting the templars know will result in you both being dragged off to the Circle."

"I'm perfectly careful," Emma sniffed.

"That does sound sensible," Bartrand admitted. "But I would prefer there to be a lot of deaths on the expedition as I'm not paying anyone up front. And since I, if not the darkspawn, am resistant to magic this makes me undervalue its use. And I don't want to pay you. Goodbye and never speak to me again." With that, he stormed off.

Reluctantly, the Hawke siblings let him.

"Well that was a bust," Bethany said unhappily.

"I knew we should have signed up sooner. Why didn't we sign up sooner?" Carver demanded.

"Because you refused to go without me and I refuse to wake up before nine?" Emma reminded him. "Just a guess."

Carver chose to ignore that. "So now we're stuck. It's either the smugglers again or the mercenaries if we want to survive. This day cannot possibly get any worse."

"Oh, don't say that!" Bethany urged him.

Carver rolled his eyes. "Why? Because I need to think positive thoughs?"

"Well…that, too. I'm mostly just worried that you'll jinx us," Bethany replied.

"Hey, my coin-purse!" Emma protested as a thief bumped into her and stole it. "That had all of three silver in it!"

"Well? Aren't you going to go after him?" Carver demanded.

Emma shook her head. "Nah, three silver isn't really worth getting all worked up about. You can, though."

Carver started to take off after the thief but stopped as an arrow came out of nowhere and pinned the thief to the wall.

"You are nowhere near talented enough to be operating in Hightown," an unfamiliar dwarf admonished the pinned man, grabbing the coin purse back and tossing it Emma's way. "I'm almost embarrassed that you tried."

"Um, excuse me?" Bethany spoke up. "But who are you?"

"I am Varric of House Tethras. Coincidentally, I'm also Bartrand's younger brother. So…you lot are looking to join onto the expedition?" Varric inquired.

"We are," Carver agreed. "But Bartrand's made it pretty clear just how likely that's going to be."

"Bartrand's family which is why I feel secure enough to say that he's an idiot," Varric said frankly. "I've heard all about you, Emma Hawke. You single-handedly kept Athenril from being crushed by the Coterie and given how ruthless and efficient the latter is, you've sufficiently impressed me."

"Well, I don't know about 'single-handedly'," Emma said modestly. "My sister is also a mage and Carver…well, he was there, too."

"Such glowing recommendations you give, Emma," Carver groused.

"I really don't mind staying in the background," Bethany told them. "It seems safer."

"I've vaguely heard of them," Varric replied. "Nothing as impressive as what they say about you but if you absolutely must bring them along with you then I understand. Family obligations and whatnot."

"Mother would be pretty upset with me if I were to abandon Carver to his own fate and I could not do anything to hurt Bethany!" Emma declared.

"You do realize that I'm right here, right?" Carver demanded.

Emma gave him a strange look. "Of course I do. Why?"

Carver gave a long-suffering sigh. "No reason…"

"So were you proposing something?" Bethany asked in an effort to get them back on track.

Varric nodded. "That I was. This isn't common knowledge but Bartrand is still struggling to come up with enough funds for the expedition."

"How much is he short?" Emma inquired.

Varric shrugged. "Give or take…exactly fifty sovereigns."

"Wow. Just…wow," Carver said, shaking his head. "And he already hired all the mercenaries and everything? That sounds like something Emma would do."

"Hey!" she protested.

"The thing is, while Bartrand's never been the best at planning ahead, even he's not that bad and until yesterday afternoon, he had the money."

"What happened yesterday afternoon?" Bethany asked.

"He and his most recent partner, Dougal Gavorn, had a falling out and Gavorn took his fifty sovereigns with him. As such, Bartrand needs a new partner but he isn't actually going to bother putting any effort into finding one which is where we come in," Varric explained.

"So you want us to give you fifty sovereign to finance the expedition?" Emma asked.

Varric nodded. "Yes. You wouldn't be just hirelings but a full-fledged partner with one-third of the profit. Bartrand and myself would each get a third as well, Bartrand because he's the leader of the expedition and myself because Bartrand wouldn't last five minutes without me."

"Look, if we had that kind of money then we wouldn't need your damn expedition and should we manage to raise that money – which would be a miracle – why would risk our lives in the Deep Roads?" Carver demanded.

"Because the profits would be far more than just fifty sovereign," Varric answered. "You could be set for life here and this kind of an opportunity won't come by again. Refuse this opportunity and somehow raise fifty sovereign and become comfortable middle-class but nothing special with templars after you…or sign on to the expedition and become wealthy enough to protect yourselves."

Bethany and Emma exchanged a look. "We're in."

"Excellent," Varric said, pleased. "Oh…but one more thing."

"There's always a catch," Carver complained.

"It's just…Gavorn also took our map of the Deep Roads with him so we need another one. There's supposed to be a Ferelden Grey Warden healer somewhere in Darktown and if anyone has a map, he probably does. If not, we'll have to go crawling back to Gavorn and I really hate that family. I don't know why, there's just something about him," Varric said, shuddering a little.

"Why can't you go do it yourself?" Carver inquired.

"I could but if you do it then it will further prove your worth to Bartrand," Varric replied. "So…that's everything? Great, let's go."

There was an awkward silence.

"Let's go where?" Bethany asked at last.

"I've really got nothing better to do until the expedition starts so I'm going to follow you around and watch you try to raise the money," Varric explained. "Should be fun."

"Well, okay then," Emma said uncertainly. "So, do we have any ideas on what to do?"

"That Ferelden's import store might know where to find the Grey Warden," Bethany suggested.

"Aveline in her precious guard might have some work," Carver said reluctantly.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Carver! Don't tell me that you're going to persist on blaming Aveline for the fact that they never got back to you on your application. Maybe they just lost it."

"I sent seventeen applications!" Carver cried out.

"Maybe they just thought you were creepy and obsessed, then," Varric opined.

Emma grinned. "I like you."

"I don't," Carver disagreed.

"He is doing us a major favor here," Bethany pointed out.

Carver snorted. "Yeah, because of how special he's heard Emma is."

"Don't worry. You and me will go drinking at the Hanged Man some time and then we'll get along fine," Varric assured him.

"We really should have taken that amulet to the Dalish a year ago," Bethany reminded them.

Emma looked sheepish. "Look, I'll find it one of these days. Probably."

"Why did we entrust that to Emma?" Carver demanded. "We know how flaky she can get!"

"If I recall correctly, you thought it was cursed," Bethany reminded him. "And Emma wanted to hold it."

"We could also see if Uncle Gamlen's connections have any work for us," Carver suggested. "It won't be glamorous work but we need to get the money as soon as we possibly can."

"I say we start with the Grey Warden or I'm probably going to forget," Emma said. "And since I'm in charge…"

"Hello," Emma said to the woman behind the counter. "Are you Lirene?"

"I am," Lirene acknowledged reluctantly. "Why?"

"We were looking for a Grey Warden. Do you know where we can find him? We hear he's Ferelden so we thought this might be the best place to look," Emma explained.

"Actually, he's an Anders," Lirene corrected them. "But he did come to Kirkwall from Ferelden, yes."

"So…can you tell us?" Emma requested.

"Why can't you templars just leave him alone?" Lirene demanded suddenly. "He does good work, even if he is a mage!"

"Why is no one capable of being even remotely discrete about magic?" Carver wondered.

"To be fair, your average templar isn't the most observant person around," Varric replied. "So they really don't have to be."

"Oh, he's a mage?" Bethany asked, intrigued. "I guess that explains the healer thing."

"Despite the fact that I sincerely believe all of you to be templars, except maybe for the dwarf as I've never heard of any dwarven templars, I'm going to go right ahead and give you directions to his clinic," Lirene decided.

Carver stared at her. "Not for nothing but…are you sure it's a good idea to lead people that you believe to be templars to your apostate healer?"

"If he wanted to be hidden then he wouldn't let all of the refugees know where to find him," Lirene reasoned.

"There's a difference between being willing to heal sick refugees who can't afford any other treatment and being willing to have templars out to kill or imprison you sent after you thus ridding the refugees of their healer," Carver pointed out.

Lirene's eye twitched. "Look, do you want the directions or not?"

Emma elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut up, Carver."

Once they had the directions written down, they made their way outside the store only to find a group of barely-armed refugees waiting for them.

"We heard you asking around about our healer!" their leader said. "And we're not going to be letting no templars take him!"

"Do we really look like templars?" Bethany asked idly. "I mean us? Really?"

"If you have such a problem with this, why didn't you stop Lirene from telling us where he was inside?" Carver challenged. "Wouldn't that have been easier and less despicable than trying to murder people for asking questions?"

"These are peasant refugees," Varric explained. "Frankly, I'm a little surprised that they realized that allowing who they believe to be templars to go after their healer would not be in their best interests."

"Are you calling us stupid?" the leader demanded angrily.

"If I say 'no' will you believe me?" Varric asked.

"Probably, yeah," the leader said, nodding.

"What if I say 'no' in a sarcastic tone of voice?" Varric pressed.

The leader shrugged. "I've never been too good at discerning tone of voice."

"This is ridiculous," Emma complained. "Bethany?"

"We're from Ferelden, too," Bethany said earnestly. "We'd never turn on one of our own. Not to mention that Emma and I are mages, too." She raised her hand and allowed some sparks to dance across her fingertips.

"Bethany!" Carver exclaimed, aghast.

"Oh, well that's different. I'm sure that it's absolutely impossible for there to be any mages on the side of the templars," the leader said. "Sorry about the misunderstanding. Alright folks, let's clear out."

"I wonder if mages actually could become templars," Emma mused. "Sure, the templars would never be willing to teach a mage but if they did find a way to learn, could they pull it off?"

"I don't know but I think they'd have a far better chance of it then you and Bethany have of remaining undetected in this city," Carver opined.

"You worry too much," Emma said dismissively.

After Emma tried unsuccessfully to find the clinic from the very clear directions they'd been given, Bethany took over since Varric thought that this was a family matter and Emma refused to let Carver do it.

They finally made it and watched someone who was clearly a mage standing over an ill child and pouring healing energy into him.

"He's cute," Emma announced. "And so intense…"

"You are not going to make this any more complicated than it needs to be, do you?" Carver asked worriedly.

Emma thought about it. "No promises."

The boy awoke with a gasp and his relieved parents began fawning over him. The parents thanked the mage and then left with their perfectly healthy son in tow.

Once they were gone, Emma's group approached the healer whose back was facing them.

Abruptly, the man turned to face them, holding his staff up warningly. "I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation!" he declared dramatically. "Why do you threaten it?"

"Oh, wow…" Emma breathed.

"Emma! Focus!" Carver ordered.

"What? I can't appreciate a badass introduction?" Emma asked innocently.

"I swear, his eyes were just glowing blue. I think there might be something wrong with him," Carver insisted.

"Why do you always have to do this, Carver?" Emma demanded.

Carver looked honestly confused. "Do what?"

"Every time Emma likes a guy you have a tendency to point out everything that's wrong with them," Bethany said gently.

"That's probably because Emma has the world's worst taste in men," Carver said matter-of-factly.

"I do not!" Emma denied.

"Bethany, do you by chance remember who Emma's last three boyfriends were?" Carver asked his twin.

Bethany hesitated. "Well…"

"It can't be that bad," Varric opined.

"She dated a templar, a blood mage, and a desire demon," Carver announced. "The blood mage was actually the one who summoned the desire demon, you know. I believe they had a threesome then the desire demon killed the blood mage. Emma promptly hooked up with the demon again."

Varric whistled. "Hawke, I am impressed."

"Wait, why does she get to be Hawke?" Carver demanded. "I'm a Hawke, too."

"Well, yes, but she's the oldest," Varric reasoned. "That's why you're Junior. Or maybe little Hawke. I'm still trying to decide. Any preferences?"

"Yeah. Carver," Carver replied.

Varric shook his head. "That wasn't actually one of the options."

"What are you going to call me?" Bethany wanted to know.

"Sunshine," Varric responded.

"Can somebody please answer my question already?" the mage demanded.

"Certainly," Emma said agreeably. "But first, I think some introductions are in order. I'm Emma and these are my siblings, Bethany and Carver. And that's Varric. What's your name?"

"I don't feel like telling you," the mage said contrarily.

"Well we have to call you something," Emma said. "And if you don't give me anything then I'm going to have to go with 'Alistair.'"

"Maker, no!" the mage burst out. "Not more comparisons…Anders. You can call me Anders."

"See, that wasn't so hard," Emma said brightly. "Listen, we're not here to threaten your sanctum or whatever. We just heard that you were a Grey Warden and-"

"Are you with the Wardens? I'm not going to go back to those bastards. They made me get rid of my cat!" Anders exclaimed. "Poor Ser Pounce-a-lot."

Emma gasped, horrified. "They did what? Those monsters! I know that if anyone tried to make me get rid of Loghain I'd cut out their heart and feed it to them!"

Carver made a face. "Lovely."

"Who's Loghain?" Varric wondered. "Your cat?"

"Oh, no," Bethany told him. "Loghain is Emma's mabari. He actually met Carver first but imprinted on Emma."

"To no one's surprise," Carver muttered.

"You named a dog after Loghain?" Anders asked, surprised.

"And why shouldn't I? He's a hero!" Emma gushed. "Sure there was that bout of what some might call treason but I heard that was cleared up very nicely at the Landsmeet."

"Since no one else seems inclined to say it, I might as well let you know that we're not here to try to take you back to the Wardens nor are we particularly interested in becoming Wardens," Carver said, attempting to get the conversation back on track. "We just need your maps to the Deep Roads for our expedition."

"The Deep Roads?" Anders asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "I hate the Deep Roads. In fact, I hate them far too much to let you so much as look at the maps."

"But we'll die if you don't give us the maps since we're totally going anyway," Bethany tried to appeal to his better nature.

"Have I mentioned that it's a really deep-seated hatred?" Anders asked in response.

"Well, we tried," Emma said, shrugging, as she turned to go.

"Wait," Anders stopped her. "You're leaving just like that? I was expecting a little more persistence."

"I'm willing to accept that no means no," Emma replied. "But listen, should we somehow miraculously survive this expedition, I'll come look you up, okay? We should get drinks sometime. You're really cute."

Anders coughed. "Well, perhaps I was a little hasty in saying no. It would take virtually no effort to point you over to the maps after all."

"Are you sure?" Emma asked him. "You said that you really hated the Deep Roads."

"Emma!" Carver hissed. "What are you doing?"

"That's a good point," Anders said slowly. "I know! I have this friend-"

"By 'friend' do you mean 'friend friend' or 'ex-girlfriend friend'?" Emma interrupted.

"Ex-boyfriend, actually," Anders told her. "Does that bother you?"

"That depends. Are you gay or bisexual?" Emma inquired.

"Bisexual," Anders replied.

"So I still have a chance! Score!" Emma cheered. "In that case, no it does not bother me at all."

"I came to Kirkwall to help Karl but lately his letters have stopped and I'm worried. Coincidentally, I've arranged to meet him in the Chantry at midnight tonight. If you'd care to come with me and kill anyone that tries to stop me from getting Karl out of there then I'd be much obliged," Anders said earnestly.

"More trouble with the templars?" Carver demanded. "You have got to be kidding me. This is a horrible plan. Let's take our chances with the darkspawn."

"For what may be the first time in my life, I agree with Carver," Bethany declared. "We don't need to give them another reason to hunt us. Maybe when this is all over and we're rich we'll be safer but for now…"

"Varric?" Emma called. "What do you think?"

"I think that I've officially spent enough time with Anders here to need a nickname for him," Varric answered. "How does 'Blondie' sound?"

"Vaguely feminine," Anders replied. "But why not?"

"I guess it's up to me then," Emma said anxiously.

"But Bethany and I are agreed that this is a bad idea and Varric doesn't care," Carver protested. "Why do you even bother having us vote if you're going to ignore what we say?"

"Because it's usually a tie I have to break and that way you can feel like your opinions matter even though they totally don't," Emma explained. "Anders, are you sure that it's over between you and Karl?"

"Positive," Anders assured her. "He's got this beard now and his hair has prematurely grayed."

"In that case, I'd love to help you. I'll meet you in the Chantry at midnight," Emma promised, giggling a little at what she felt was the romanticism in the situation.

"Is there any point in asking why, if he can be in the Chantry in the middle of the night when it's closed, Karl can't just come here or some other place less likely to have templars?" Carver wondered aloud.

As per usual, everyone ignored him.

Review Please!