Chapter 4

Blaine's hell year—part 1

December 25, 2012

Blaine wiped his eyes as he walked up his driveway to his front yard. It was past midnight, and he had no idea why his parents hadn't called him. He told them he'd be home around ten thirty, but I guess they'd assumed since he was with Kurt…

Kurt. That brought on a fresh wave of tears. How could he do this to him? It wasn't fair. Maybe break ups weren't the end of the world, but it sure as hell felt like the end of his. All of his plans, for the rest of his life, were centered around Kurt. And now everything had been ruined.

Blaine opened his front door as quietly as he could and hurried up to his bedroom. He collapsed on his bed and dissolved into more tears. This bed—right here, over a year ago, is where he had given Kurt his everything, and he'd been sure then that it'd be forever. That he and Kurt would be forever.

Blaine got up, stormed over to his closet, and threw the Christmas present he had so meticulously wrapped for Kurt as hard against the wall as he could, before collapsing into sobs on his bed once again.

There was a knock on his door soon after. Blaine hastily wiped his eyes and nose on his comforter as the door to his room was turned. "Blaine?" a small voice asked. Blaine looked over to see his baby sister, Abby, peeking around the corner.

"Hey sweetie, what's up?" Blaine asked.

"I heard you got home, and I heard you crying. What's wrong, Blainey? Did something happen when you were with Kurt?" she asked.

Blaine motioned for the seven year old to come sit on his bed with him. "Yeah, something happened with me and Kurt."

"What's that?" Abby asked.

Blaine smiled sadly. "We got in a big fight, and we broke up."

Abby studied her brother's comforter for a moment before turning to look at him. "When my friends and I get in a really big fight, we usually try to make up soon, because being mad isn't fun."

Blaine put his arm around his little sister and the two of them laid back onto his pillows. "Yeah, but this was a bad fight. He… He did something that I'm not okay with."

Abby looked at her brother. "So it was like the fight mommy, daddy, and Cooper got into, before he left?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah, kinda like that."

Abby widened her eyes in horror. "But no one has talked to Cooper in over three years! Are you and Kurt going to go over three years not talking to each other?"

Blaine shrugged and let his sister nestle into his side. "I don't know, Abby. Probably."

"Well what did he do?" she asked, "did he cheat on you?"

Blaine's jaw dropped. "How do you know what that is?"

"Blaine." She said, looking at him judgingly, "I may only be seven, but I'm not dumb."

Blaine rolled his eyes at her. "No, you're not. And yeah, he did."

Abby took a moment to contemplate this. "So he held hands with another boy?"

Blaine nodded. "Among other things."

"Well do you love him?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do." Blaine admitted, trying not to start crying again.

"Then it will all be okay. I know it."

February, 2013

"I… I just can't lie to you anymore. It's Christmas Eve and tomorrow's Christmas and I just can't stand lying to you, especially on Christmas." Blaine, concerned, took Kurt's hand which was quickly yanked away. "You don't understand Blaine!"

"Then tell me." Blaine whispered. "It's okay Kurt, just tell me."

Kurt stood up and started pacing before turning to look at Blaine. "No, you won't understand! I can't just tell you! Because there's a guy at NYADA, and he's really sweet and nice and he's in all of my classes and when he asks me to coffee or dinner, I say yes. I lie to myself and tell myself that I'm going with him as friends, but I know that that's not it for him. And then I tell myself that it's just a fling, that it's just a fucking crush, and that I'm still in love with you. But I'm not Blaine, I'm fucking not! This stupid long distance thing just isn't working for me, and I hate that it's not because I still care about you, and I don't want to hurt you, but I can't just ignore this like I have been all school year." Kurt stopped talking and was still breathing hard from his rant.

Blaine bit his lower lip and stood up. "Okay. I'm glad you told me." And he started walking away."

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand. "Are you mad at me?"

Blaine turned and Kurt could see the hurt in his eyes. "What's his name?"

Kurt looked at his feet. "Zack."

"Have you kissed him?" Blaine asked.

Kurt's eyes filled with tears again. "Yes. Twice."

Blaine turned before Kurt could see him cry. "Okay." He tried to say calmly, but his voice obviously broke at the end.

"Blaine… I'm sorry." Kurt whispered.

"Of course you are." Blaine scoffed as he walked away.

Kurt stood there in horror for a minute before running to catch up with his now ex boyfriend. "Wait, Blaine, we're four miles from your house. Let me drive you."

"I could use the walk." Blaine said, walking faster away.

Blaine blinked a few times, trying to wake himself up. It was just a dream; just a dream. He repeated those words like a mantra in his head, trying to convince his subconscious that it was true, even though even the core of his being knew it was a lie.

Kurt Hummel. Blaine still couldn't think that name without crying, wincing horribly, or breaking something. Usually the latter, which was extremely frustrating for him and his parents. Sighing, Blaine glanced at his clock. 5:30 am. Groaning, Blaine trudged towards the bathroom he and his sister shared. There was no way he was falling asleep again, and he had to wake up in an hour anyway. Maybe he'd get some of his neglected homework done.

Damn, he couldn't even remember the date. He felt like fucking Bella Swan. Like, as soon as Kurt left him, he had nothing. It was stupid, really. For a seventeen, now eighteen, year old to complete plan his life around his high school sweetheart, but Blaine had done it, damnit, and now had no plans for the future. None.

NYADA was completely out. He could not go to school with Kurt every day. Hell, New York was out. Yeah it was a big city, but Kurt was still in it, and Blaine knew that with every fiber of his being. He could not set himself up for that. He just couldn't.

Blaine turned the shower heat all the way up so that it was scalding his skin and leaving red welts. Blaine hated himself. He really did. It was ridiculous. He was eighteen and had his whole life ahead of him. Why was he getting hung up on some stupid boy he met when he was 15? That had broken up with him over two fucking months ago? It was the end of February for crying out loud, and Blaine still wasn't over it.

The heat wasn't helping anymore. After all these weeks, Blaine was virtually numb to the pain. He hadn't realized how long he'd been standing under the heat when Abby knocked softly on the door.

"Blaine, mama sent me to see if you're okay." She said.

Blaine turned the water off. "Yeah, I'm fine Abs." Well. Not entirely. He hated himself, he hated his family, he hated his school, he hated his friends, he hated his bullies, he hated every goddamn thing but he couldn't do anything about anything.

He had tried to keep up with his relationship with his sister, and his mother, and his father, and his friends at school, but Blaine wasn't feeling much up to keeping up any relationships lately, and everyone was giving him space because of it. Blaine dressed quickly, grabbed a granola bar, and kissed his sister on his way to his car to drive to school. He parked in the back of the student lot (the place his car was least likely to get vandalized).

Walking to his locker, he realized he was over an hour early. Grabbing his AP Physics book, Blaine headed to the outdoor picnic tables to work on his assignment. After fifteen minutes or so, Tina and Artie came by to say hello, but sensing Blaine's bad mood, headed in a different direction soon after.

"Hey fag." A voice said from behind him.

Blaine grabbed his books and completely ignored them.

"Hey, Anderslut, I'm talking to you."

Blaine turned around to face them. "Did you come up with that one on your own? Or did your girlfriend, who I might add is a complete whore since she even tried to get into my pants, say it first? Because if it was you, I'm seriously so proud," he said icily before stalking off to class. Blaine braced himself as they came up behind him and pushed him, hard, into a locker.

"Well shit." Blaine muttered to himself as they ran away laughing, "That's gunna bruise."

The next few days went by much the same, but Blaine could tell the bullying was steadily going to get worse.

"Morning cocksucker."

Blaine internally groaned. "Hello Ryan. And posse."

"Maybe you should just get out of our school, homo. We thought when your cocksucker, that Hummel bitch, left you would too. But you had to stay and rub all your rainbow shit all over our school."

"Well your dad didn't seem to mind it last night when my cock was up his ass. You do remember how he was late for dinner, right?" Shit. That was definitely something he hadn't thought through.

Ryan's eyes widened. "H-how did you know that."

Blaine winked. "I just told you, didn't I?" Sensing that he'd gone too far, Blaine grabbed his books and tried to make a break for the school. One of Ryan's friends (what was his name… Steven?) reached for Blaine's backpack and threw him on the ground. His other friend, Sean, started kicking Blaine in the stomach.

"Get your faggy ass out of our school, Anderson."

Blaine couldn't tell which one of them was speaking; he just hoped that by some sort of miracle a teacher or a brave student would see this soon.

"Not so brave without your cocksucker's big brother around, are you?" they taunted.

"Hey!" a voice called, "What the hell is going on here?" a voice called across the school grounds. The three boys split it up and ran to the direction of the front doors as if the devil was on their heels (by the look of Beiste's face, it was close to true).

"You alright Anderson?" she asked, helping him up.

Blaine grabbed his books, wincing at the pain in his upper stomach. "Yeah, I'm fine." He took a deep ragged breath and, oh shit, that hurt. He leaned over to grab his books and winced again when he stood back up.

"Come on, to the nurse." She said, leading him towards the school.

"No, really, I'm fine." Blaine insisted.

Beiste game him a quick glare. "You have blood all over you face, Anderson. And you can barely breathe without cringing."

Blaine reached up and touched his forehead and, damn, when did they hit him there? He allowed himself to be led to the nurse's office. After a quick look (in which Beiste refused to leave him) Blaine was told that the gash in his head was shallow enough, he didn't have a concussion, and that one of his ribs was probably cracked, but an X-ray could tell them for sure. Blaine shrugged her off, told her he was fine and rushed off to class. He'd already missed first period and wasn't intending on missing any more.

Blaine walked into Glee that afternoon hesitantly. He chose a seat in the back by himself and hoped no one would comment on his already bruising face and his blood stained clothes. Hell, who was he kidding? No one would even notice. No one ever noticed. But he couldn't help but hope, as Tina and Artie walked in, that someone would say something and offer some kind of support.

He knew what his dad would do. He'd look at him disappointed and shake his head as if to say, "Well Blaine, you're choosing to be gay. And the world is going to beat you up for it, so you better get used to it." He knew what his mom would do. She'd offer to enroll him back into Dalton, even though she knew he wouldn't go back there after the eye incident.

And of course, Burt had called him up a few days after he and Kurt broke up, telling him that he'd always be there if Blaine needed him, but what could he do? He was living in Washington DC, dealing with all of his senator work.

And no one in Glee said anything. Mr. Schue gave a funny look at his bloody shirt, but made no comment. Blaine sat in the back and stayed quiet the whole period, before rushing out when the bell rang, and sprinting to the car. He was safe in here, in the locked car. His ribs still throbbed when he ran, or moved, or breathed. Blaine took some Advil to try to make the pain stop and drove home.

He immediately started working on his homework and skipped dinner that night. He didn't want to face his parents. Of course, facing his parents would've been better than just admitting to them what had been happening and prevent the incident that happened the next March.