"She's in love with you, you know," Harry said quietly, taking a sip of his tea and pretending to decide which biscuit he wanted, watching Hermione from the corner of his eyes. The brunette was staring down at the plate, watching the shortcake crumble as she broke it tiny pieces. He had been surprised that Hermione had invited him to the castle, he had thought she would want to avoid him to avoid the issue, but obviously she wanted to talk or maybe to apologise.
"I know."
"What?" Harry's head jerked up, giving up all pretence of nonchalance.
"I said I know." Hermione could feel the buttery residue on her fingers as she pushed the crumbs around the plate, crushing fragments beneath her fingers.
"And?" he demanded wanting to pull the plate from Hermione.
"And that's that." She reached for a napkin, wiping her fingers carefully, feeling Harry's eyes boring into her.
"Do you love her?"
"I told you the other day-"
"No you didn't Hermione. You told me that something had happened between the two of you a few years ago and now you were working at the same place and it was awkward. You then proceeded to get so utterly and horribly drunk that I couldn't take you back to the castle in case one of your students saw you, but thankfully I managed to get you back to Madame Rosmerta's discreetly."
"Harry, I'm really sorry," apologised Hermione, a flush visible from her neck up.
"Don't be, you obviously needed to let it out somehow. Besides, you could always become a spy if teaching doesn't work out, you didn't let anything slip at all and you were so drunk I doubt you knew what your own name was," he raised an eyebrow at her, smiling. "Just try not to drink that much in the future, bad for the old liver."
"That's why we're drinking tea this evening, I paid the price when I woke up the next day, even the thought of alcohol makes me feel nauseous," she replied wryly.
"I just wish you could trust me Hermione." She took a sip of her tea, grimacing at the tepid temperature.
"It's not a matter of trust, Harry, if it was, I'd have told you immediately, I trust you with my life. I just...I just don't know what to say about it. Or how to say it." She got up and set the kettle above the fire, back turned to Harry.
"Start from when it all began. And we can work from there." He wondered if he was right to push for answers, but it was obvious she hadn't spoken to anyone else about it and she needed an outlet, even if he had to force one. He could see her staring at the photograph of her and her parents, obviously trying to make up her mind about something. There was silence in the room until the kettle began to whistle at which point she levitated it to the table, using magic to make new cups of hot tea.
"Shell cottage."
He frowned in confusion before a startled look crossed his face.
"After Bellatrix...?" An almost imperceptible nod confirmed the answer and he stared at Hermione.
"Merlin's beard! That was about five years ago! Wait...are you the reason she divorced him?"
"Yes. I didn't ask her, we never discussed it, I only found out when you told me after I started working here. I'm the reason, I'm sure it has a name, I'm the mistress or whatever," she said bitterly.
"I thought... I thought that something had happened a couple of years ago or something, I didn't think it was so long ago. So when we were searching for the horcruxes, you weren't miserable because Ron left, but because of Fleur?" Hermione could almost see Harry replaying all that had happened over the years and seeing a very different story.
"Yes. I was upset about Ron leaving at a time when we all needed to be together, but I was mainly upset about what had happened at Shell cottage...not upset, just confused...actually yes, upset at what happened when you and Bill came back...oh I don't know, I wasn't sure what was going to happen when you two came back, but when you did, I felt angry, hurt and just confused."
"But you and Ron...I don't understand, why did you kiss him that night only to break up with him later? Did you even like him that way?"
"You're talking about the night of the battle?" she asked, fiddling around with her cup.
"Yeah."
"That wasn't the first time we kissed." Harry stared at Hermione momentarily before rubbing his face with his hands, suddenly looking very tired.
"No one told me. Merlin, I can't believe that neither of you told me. I can't believe I didn't notice, I must be blind. Great auror that I make."
"You were rather busy back then if I remember correctly, you know, with plotting to get rid of Voldemort and all. We kissed at the wedding Harry, maybe a couple of hours before we got attacked. I don't know why I kissed him, well, actually he was the one who kissed me, but I didn't stop him. I'd gone for a walk away from the tent, I couldn't watch Fleur dance with...I decided to go for a walk and somehow Ron found me. We were just talking about things, nothing special, just the usual things, I don't think that I was paying much attention and the next thing I knew was that he was kissing me. And so I kissed him back."
"All the time whilst you were thinking of Fleur, his new sister in law?"
"I know, I know, there's no excuse for what I did. I just, I just wanted to get her out of my bloody head. God, I made such a mess of things Harry."
"Yes you did. And at Fleur's wedding..." he gave a short laugh, not breaking eye contact with Hermione. "You know how to make things complicated Hermione, I'll give you that." Hermione shot him a dirty look.
"There's no need to look at me like that Hermione, we both know it's true. Did you know you had feelings for Fleur at the time of the wedding?" He was surprised to see Hermione blush and trying to cover it up by taking a sip of her tea.
"I knew I liked Fleur since...erm...ahem...since the Triwizard Tournament. I just had no idea that she would ever reciprocate the feelings."
"Bloody hell Hermione. Seriously, if you want a change of career, we could do with more spies and you can obviously keep things to yourself," the hurt evident in his voice. Hermione reached over the table, covering his hand with her own.
"Harry, I'm sorry I never told you, but I never told anyone. We were young and I just thought it was an adolescent crush, and then once I realised it wasn't, I didn't know how to tell you. What was I meant to say? Something like 'have you done your homework yet, and by the way I rather fancy Fleur, yes, the Fleur who's dating our best friend's brother'?"
"Do you love her?" Harry stared at Hermione until she looked away, unwilling to answer.
"I'll take your non answer as a yes then. Then why on earth aren't you together?"
"It's complicated Harry-"
"Hermione, it's not complicated. In fact, it's rather simple. You're single, she's single, you're both obviously in love with one another."
"We hurt a lot of people Harry, Ron and Bill obviously, but his family too. I want to, god I want nothing more, "she swallowed back the tears which threatened to take over.
"Ron'll get over it Hermione. People always get hurt when it comes to things like this, you can't help that, there'll always be someone who will unhappy. But you're hurting other people unnecessarily, you're hurting Fleur, you're hurting yourself, and all for what? Because of a guilt trip?"
"But Harry, what if...what if how Ron feels towards me is how I feel towards Fleur? I can't even know that she's in the same room without wanting to touch her and when I see her..." Harry could feel Hermione's fingertips digging into his hand, feeling the frustration exude from her.
"I love Ron like a brother, but even if he feels that way, so what? You don't reciprocate his feelings so it doesn't matter how he feels. Why are you putting yourself through this nightmare Hermione?"
"He asked me to marry him," she whispered.
The elation of victory had gone and left grief in its wake. Voldemort was finally gone, but this battle had taken others with him, a victory that had cost more than a few lives. Colin, Tonks, Lupin, Fred...Fred. His family were stood around his body, a sobbing George on his knees clutching onto Fred's robes, refusing to let go. Harry and Hermione stood slightly apart from the Weasleys, both being starkly reminded that no matter how much they felt part of the Weasley family, they weren't. As she watched the Weasleys, Hermione felt hollow, she felt absolutely nothing. She felt no happiness, no relief, no worries, no cares, no grief, no regrets, nothing. She just felt empty, the bodies that lay in untidy rows were too much. The scene in front of her elicited no more feelings. She watched George cry into his twin's chest, she watched his parents holding onto each other silently as they held each other upright. Something reminded her that Ron needed comfort, and she stepped closer to him, taking his hand into hers. She could feel him shaking as he drew her to him and hugged her, drawing strength from her presence. And there was nothing, she couldn't bring about any emotion. He released her, but kept hold of her hand, nodding his thanks, his eyes bright with tears.
She saw Percy staring at his brother's inert form and knew instinctively that he felt as she did, although when the denial of grief broke, he would be consumed. Charlie was stood holding a sobbing Ginny, his eyes focused on the twin's body. And then she saw Fleur walking towards them. She had her arm around a limping Bill, her face drawn tight with worry. She had lost weight since she had last seen her, her cheekbones were stark and unforgiving. And then she looked up and found Hermione's gaze upon her. The pale blue hue of her eyes suddenly darkened to azure, a brightness blazing, causing a catch in Hermione's breath. In the middle of a battlefield, surrounded by the fallen and grieving, with clouds of dust still settling, all Hermione could think about was Fleur's eyes, her hands and her mouth. And she despised herself for it. The sudden motion of Ron ripping his hand from hers allowed her to tear her eyes from Fleur's and she saw that Arthur Weasley had fainted and his children had rushed over to help. It was too much, she didn't want to see any more. She turned and walked away quickly before breaking out into a run, not knowing where she was going.
She stopped when she found herself in the clock tower courtyard, the sweet smelling, cool night air calming the feeling of panic she felt inside. The courtyard was empty and she looked over the surrounding countryside which was bathed in moonlight, her head resting against the old stone doorframe. It was so peaceful out there.
She didn't bother turning around at the sound of footsteps, she had recognised them straight away.
"'ermione." She didn't turn around, kept her eyes focused on the silhouette of the landscape, if she kept her eyes on it maybe she could forget the carnage nearby.
"'ave you been 'urt?" Hermione felt a hand rest lightly on the centre of her back, and she closed her eyes, leaning into the touch.
"No." She paused. "Are you?"
"Non. Turn around 'ermione."
"Why?" She swallowed hard, eyes closed as she tried to stop tears forming.
"I want to see your face. I need to see you are ok."
"I'm fine, really." She leaned her head back slightly, trying to blink back the tears.
"'ermione..."
"No. I'm fine, I'm not hurt." The tears were running down her cheeks, and she squeezed her eyes shut, not knowing why she was crying. She felt a firm hand on her shoulder and she let herself be turned around, eyes closed. A gentle finger tried to brush away the tears, but they were just replaced by more. She opened her eyes to find a pained expression on Fleur's face, azure eyes full of worry. And longing. Feelings that she felt reflected in herself.
"'ermione, I-" Fleur was silenced as Hermione pressed her lips against hers, a tender kiss which almost instantly became demanding, tongues, lips, teeth. The jolt of the stone she was pushed against roused her and she felt Fleur break away from her, breath coming in gasps.
"'ermione, we need-"
"No."
Hermione captured the Frenchwoman's mouth with her own again, entangling her fingers in the long hair as she pulled Fleur against her hard. She could taste the salt from her tears, she could feel and taste the dust that still lingered in great clouds in various rooms of the castle, and she could taste Fleur. She needed Fleur, every fibre of her being needed her, it wasn't enough to give up her body, she needed to relinquish everything until they were just one. She heard Fleur gasp as she ran her cool hands under the silk shirt, gasp turning into a lingering moan she ran her tongue and teeth along the sensitive skin of Fleur's throat, hands running up her sides, against her breasts, feeling hard nipples beneath the thin bra. Hermione could feel the rush in the depth of her belly as she listened to Fleur's throaty moans, her hands kneading the blonde's breasts and stomach, feeling the nails that were scraping down her back, she was beginning to lose herself in the blonde. Suddenly she found herself thrown into an alcove as Fleur caught her in a fierce kiss again, the older woman's hands impatiently tugging hard at the buttons of Hermione's trousers, a task that was being impaired as Hermione's hands yanked open Fleur's trousers, pulling down the zip.
"Hermione!" Both the women froze at the sound of the familiar voice.
"Hermione! Are you out here?" Hermione could feel Fleur's heart thudding against her chest, her breath against her lips. She looked at Fleur and could see the pleading in her blue eyes for her not to leave.
"Hermione..." the voice cracked and they could hear the weeping outside. Hermione didn't want to leave, but she couldn't bear to leave him out there alone. Fleur shook her head silently, fingers tight around the brunette's wrist, eyes begging her to stay. Hermione leaned over and kissed her gently, breath catching as she pulled away and walked out of the alcove, not daring to look back.
She found Ron on his knees, head in his hands as he cried. She kneeled down next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder,
"Ron?" He looked up, his eyes were red from crying, his skin even more pale than usual beneath the dust and he was shaking uncontrollably.
"I can't believe he's gone 'mione, I can't believe it. It's not real."
"I'm so sorry Ron."
"Him and George were doin' great you know, makin' a mint from their shop. And now...it's not right, I don't get it."
"I don't think anyone understands it Ron, we may have magic, but we still can't understand death."
"But it's not right, he was young like us, he shouldn't be gone, what are we gonna do with without him? Merlin, what's me mum gonna do, how she gonna cope without him? And me dad?" Hermione had no answer, but seeing that his shaking was getting worse, she moved over and hugged him, holding him tight. She could feel his hot tears soaking through her shirt as she rocked him back and forth, stroking his hair soothingly. She felt him slowly begin to settle as she tried to control her heart rate, trying not to think about the woman hidden in the shadows. He pulled away from her sniffing loudly.
"Marry me."
"Pardon?"
"Marry me Hermione Granger. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've just realised how short life is and I don't want to waste any more time."
"Ron, don't. I'm sorry. I can't."
"Yes you can, just say yes 'mione. I've seen the way you've looked at me over the years and I know things have been strained lately, but when you kissed me again today I knew I needed you. You're always here for me when I need you."
"Ron, you don't know what you're saying, it's the grief talking-" He grabbed her hand, encasing it in both of his.
"I know what I'm asking you Hermione. It's not the grief, it's how I feel. And I know you feel the same way. But it wasn't until now that I realise how stupid it is for us to play games, life's precious and any of us might not be here the next moment so any moments I do have here, I want them to be with you." She tugged her hand out of his grasp.
"I can't. I'm sorry Ron, I can't do any of this," she said, as she watched fear appear in his eyes.
"Any of what? Look, maybe I was bein' rash askin' you to marry me. It's obviously just early days for us-"
"No, I'm sorry Ron, I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have done any of this, I shouldn't have kissed you earlier, it was a mistake-"
"What you talking about 'mione? What mistake? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have scared you by proposing to you," he reached out placing his hands on her arms, but she pulled away, standing up.
"It's not you, Ron. Please, I'm so sorry. This can't happen, I don't feel that way towards you." He stood up, desperation in his face.
"You're not ready for marriage, that's ok, we have plenty of time-"
"No Ron. I don't...I don't love you." She looked at him and he stared back in disbelief, neither of them speaking.
"I don't believe you." His tone was flat, his face stony and she recognised the signs of him trying to control his temper.
"It's true," her voice low.
"Is there someone else?" His eyes were glittering dangerously and she paused before answering.
"Yes," she whispered, eyes cast low, afraid to meet his gaze.
"Who?" his voice as quiet as hers. Hermione could feel her fingers tingling, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest, knowing that Fleur could hear every word, knowing that she was mere metres away.
"You're a liar," he growled. She jerked her head up, about to retort when she saw him advancing slowly towards her, and for the first time in her life, she felt afraid of him.
"You're a liar!" he screamed, grabbing her arm hard. "You're fucking lying to me. I dunno why you're lying to me, but you're lying. I mean who could it be? Harry? No, I know it's not him cause he's with Ginny, it's not Krum and there's no other men you've met recently, so you're bloody lying to me. Why are you trying to hurt me? Why are you lying to me you bloody, fucking-"
The slap surprised both of them. Hermione felt the rush of blood in her shaking palm as he held a hand to his face in shock. He then turned around and stalked away silently, not seeing Fleur who had walked out of the shadows, every line in her body taut with anger, her hand reaching for her wand. Hermione saw her and a wave of nausea hit her, knowing that Fleur wouldn't have hesitated to really hurt him had he tried to hurt herself.
"'ermione?"
"Get out," she whisphered, as she took in deep breaths, feeling the rising nausea.
"'ermione, it wasn't-"
"I said get out Fleur! Just leave me!" she shouted, watching Fleur flinch. She thought Fleur was going to refuse before she saw the clench of the jaw clearly in the thin face and watched as the French witch left the same way Ron had left.
And then Hermione leaned over and vomited into the grass.
"So after that, I left. I went to find my parents, but more than anything I just needed to get out of the magic world for a while. Maybe you're right Harry, maybe I am just punishing myself because I feel guilty. But I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have to, he won't cope with me being with a woman, he certainly won't cope with me being with Fleur. "