"I thought I told you to tell me what you're thinking."
I never really get pissed off with Ms. Kate, but sometimes she really gets on my nerves. Most of the time she's talking I'm in the clouds but who can blame me; I just lost my whole family for Christs sake. I know she means no harm but I think it's rather insensitive.
"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. Are you still having nightmares?" She raises one think orange eyebrow at me. It looks like a caterpillar.
I just nod, not knowing where my voice has gone.
"Hmmm. Have you been taking your medicine? Maybe you need more…"
"No!"
She stops in her tracks. He eyes examining my expression which I guess is horrified. She scribbled down something on the ugly green clipboard on her lap.
I was fuming.
If there's one thing I don't want it's to have more medicine. The tablets are as big as pebbles and smell like sulphur.
"Ok, ok just calm down. No more medicine. Maybe if you talked to me, if you told me things we could get through this."
I sit, staring at her.
It would be nice to talk, to let everything out but I can't allow myself to relive that night. Saying it aloud would finalize it.
I don't want to believe what has happened. I don't want to let everything go. So I have to hold on to this, hoping this will all go back to normal. It's all I can hold on to.
"If you won't talk to me maybe talk to Angella. I know she's worried about you. And then when you talk to her you can talk to me. I can help you, you know?"
My anger was rising with my heart rate. I could feel an ugly expression creeping up on my face. My cheeks were getting hot and my hands scratched at my thighs.
I cracked.
"NO! No I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone."
I rose from my chair kicking it to the ground.
Ms. Kate stood and reached for me but I stepped back. I didn't want her help or pity.
"You can't help me. No one can. I'm lost. All alone with a counsellor who sucks!"
I spat the words at her.
"Bella, I'm just trying to help." She tried to calm me but it only made me angrier.
"If you want to help me then GO AWAY!"
I stomped out of the room slamming the door behind me. I couldn't take it any more. None of it. I wanted to leave, to get out and never come back. I needed to leave.
I was so lost in thought that I walked into a door. Some of the receptionists were looking at me with concern and some with amusement.
I hadn't realized I was crying til then.
I wandered outside; a blush was creeping up my neck for walking into the damn door frame.
Angella wasn't picking me up for a while so I didn't have anything to do.
That's the worst thing about not having a car, you rely on other people. It's not that I don't love Ang; she's been great; never pushing me to talk but always being there in case. I just feel like I'm taking advantage of her taxi service.