Sorry about the week delay! I left for a camping trip last Friday with some friends for the weekend, and then went on another trip with my parents the rest of the week, and I just got home earlier today. Er. Yesterday. ANYWAY, here's chapter 9!
Chapter 9
Blaine was practically hyperventilating. This was the stupidest thing he'd done since… Since… Since forever, okay? Attempting to take a deep and calming breath, Blaine looked back at the pasta on the shelf of the grocery store. Why was he getting nervous over buying pasta?
Forgetting about his four year old for the moment, Blaine groaned and muttered, "What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm acting like a teenager!"
Rose giggled. Blaine looked at her and laughed, half at himself and half at her. "Yeah? What's so funny, silly?"
She kept on giggling. "Daddy said a bad word." She pointed out.
"Yes." Blaine said slowly, trying to justify this. "But that's because daddy's an adult, and sometimes adults can get away with saying bad words. But little girls can't."
Rose sighed dramatically (she was seriously a mini Rachel Berry sometimes, he swore). "Okay Daddy. But you can only get away with it sometimes, deal?"
Blaine laughed. "Deal."
"Pinky promise?" She asked seriously.
Blaine grinned as he wrapped his finger around her tiny one. "Pinky promise." He grabbed the bow pasta (Rose's favorite), and started towards the produce section to make sauce for the pasta.
What was the stupid thing Blaine had done? Well, Blaine had decided, for the first time since high school, to celebrate Christmas. But that wasn't the stupid part. Rose asked to do Christmas this year ("all my friends at school say it's really fun!"). And Blaine couldn't say no to his little girl. No. The dumb part was inviting Kurt over for Christmas Eve dinner. He knew the Hummel-Hudson-Berry clan did this huge ordeal Christmas day (Rachel would not shut up about it last week), but they did nothing for Christmas Eve.
And then when Kurt muttered about nothing to do that day, Blaine opened his big stupid mouth and offered him to come to his place for dinner. This wouldn't usually be that big of a deal. I mean, they were slowly becoming friends again, right?
Blaine bit his bottom lip and sighed. It wasn't him and Kurt that was the problem. It was Christmas Eve once again, and being with Kurt freshened the memories even more then he would like to admit. And he knew Rose was picking up on it, she had asked him, "What's wrong daddy?" at least seven times today.
Blaine picked out what he needed and rolled the cart to the cash registers. Rose was hungry, tired, and getting a little grumpy, so Blaine tried to distract her by talking to her.
"Blaine?" a female voice said from behind him.
He took a moment to put the smile on his face before turning to see Carole, Finn, and a waddling Rachel. "Hello Mrs. Hummel, Rachel, Finn." He nodded to each in turn. "What are you guys doing here?"
Rachel ignored him. "Hi Rose! How are you?"
Rose smiled at her. "I'm good. How are you?"
Rachel grinned. "I'm great, thanks for asking."
Rose bit her bottom lip, as if contemplating something. She motioned to Rachel to come down to her height so she could whisper something in her ear. "I was just wondering how you know my daddy. Because I've never met any of his friends before. Well, besides Miss Carrie and Mr. Kurt."
Rachel grinned. "I went to high school with him."
Rose's eyes lit up. "So you went to school with Mr. Kurt, too?"
Blaine blushed, but Rachel laughed. "Yeah, I did. And you wanna know something really cool? Kurt is my brother-in law."
"Oh." Rose nodded seriously. Then she looked confused. "What does that mean?"
"It means I'm married to his brother." Rachel explained. Rose's face lit up in recognition and she smiled.
As if sensing Blaine's discomfort, Carole spoke up. "Alright," she said, "I've got to get home you two. Let's go. It was nice seeing you, Blaine."
Blaine shot a thankful smile at her. "You too."
Carole hesitated before leaving. "Don't hesitate to stop by if you need anything. Your car fixed, a babysitter, or just dinner, anything. We're here for you."
"Thanks." Blaine said, looking at his feet. "I appreciate it."
As they walked away he heard Finn's muttered, "What did you mean by 'you two?' I didn't even say anything!" And Blaine snickered.
"Come on Rosie. Let's get home." Blaine pushed the cart into the parking lot after paying. "This Christmas traffic is driving me crazy."
When they arrived home, Blaine gave Rose a snack and then put her down for a nap in her room. Glancing at the clock, Blaine saw that he had about an hour before Kurt would get there. Pasta didn't take that long, but he needed something to distract himself, so he started cooking.
He had just finished setting the table when he heard a knock at the door. Checking to make sure Rose hadn't woken up yet, Blaine went to open the front door. "Hey, Kurt." He greeted.
"Hello." Kurt said shyly. "How was your day?"
Blaine shrugged. "Okay. I graded some finals this morning and then took Rose grocery shopping. We saw Carole, Finn, and Rachel there." He offered.
"I heard." Kurt smiled.
There was a short silence before Blaine spoke up. "How was your day?"
"Busy." Kurt snorted. "I had a bunch of sketches due around noon today and only had like, half of them done when I woke up this morning. And then I helped dad around the shop."
Blaine nodded. "But you got your sketches done?" he asked.
"Yup." Kurt smiled. "So what's for dinner? I'm starving."
Blaine led Kurt to the dining room that he and Rose never used. "Let me just get the food out here and wake Rose up and we'll be ready."
"Can I help with anything?" Kurt offered.
Blaine hesitated. "Um, sure. Do you mind getting Rose?"
Kurt flashed Blaine a dazzling smile. "Not at all. I think I'm in love with her."
Blaine raised one eyebrow and turned to walk into the kitchen. "Get in line, buddy."
Kurt poked his head into the kitchen. "Line?"
Blaine laughed. "Yeah, so far it includes me, Carrie, my brother, Rachel, your dad, and half my students."
"Oh." Kurt said, his eyebrows furrowing for a moment. "Yes, but I get first dibs."
"Au contraire," Blaine grinned, "I think Carrie and I get that title."
"Fine." Kurt grumbled. "Second dibs."
Blaine laughed and puts the food on the table. He grinned ear to ear when he heard the giggling and squealing from his daughter. "Hi Mr. Kurt!"
They took time eating dinner, talking, joking, and gigging with each other. While Rose pulled the focus of both men towards her, the two couldn't help but take short glances at each other, catching each other's eyes occasionally.
"Okay Rose." Blaine said once it was around 8:00pm, "Time for bed."
"No, Daddy! No!" she whined.
Blaine laughed. "Yes, Rosie! Yes! Don't you want Christmas to come tomorrow?"
The small girl crossed her arms and pouted in her chair. "Yeah… Okay, fine. But can Mr. Kurt tuck me in and read me a story?"
Blaine frowned and glanced at Kurt. "I don't know if he—"
Kurt cut him off. "Of course I'd love to read you a story!"
Rose grinned and ran up to kiss Blaine good night. "Night Daddy. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Night Rosie." Blaine laughed and watched the two disappear down the hall. He turned and put the dishes in the sink before walking back to watch Kurt and Rose. It took three months before she let Carrie put her to bed, and Blaine wanted to be there in case Rose threw a temper tantrum.
"And he called to the world as he flew out of sight, 'Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.'" Blaine heard Kurt reading. Peaking in, he saw Kurt sitting on the edge of her bed with a half asleep girl nestled into his side.
Smiling to himself, Blaine headed back out to the kitchen to wash the dishes. He was so engrossed in the plate he was washing that he didn't hear Kurt come in the room. "Someone's concentrated." he smiled.
Blaine turned and smiled back. "Washing dishes is hard work."
"I'll bet." Kurt laughed. "She fell asleep almost immediately." After a brief pause, his face turned sober. "I really am sorry. About everything. My, uh, my dad told me about your parents a few days ago."
Blaine shrugged. "It's okay. About everything. I mean, it was seven years ago. It hurt like hell at the time, but I'm okay now. I kinda just made up a new normal."
"But you were all alone." Kurt pointed out. "How did you cope? You practically disappeared."
"I made friends in college." Blaine insisted.
"You had a 4.0 in college. I know; I checked."
"So?" Blaine whined.
Kurt laughed. "You had a 3.8 at McKinley, of all places; you obviously never did anything after school or on the weekends."
Blaine shrugged uncomfortably. "I studied, yes. What does that have to do with anything?"
"I just don't think you've dealt with it." Kurt shrugged, "I think you locked all those feelings away, somewhere deep inside you, and ran away to LA to get away from the memories. And when you thought you could completely fend off the pain you came back. But you haven't made any new lasting friendships, dated anyone, or contacted any of your family since your senior year in high school. That's not 'normal,' Blaine."
Blaine took a deep breath, trying, and failing, to keep in all he was thinking. "You try losing all of the only things that matter to you in a space of seven months, and see how normal you can get, Kurt." Blaine knew he was on the verge of yelling and that he would probably wake Rose up, but he couldn't make himself care. "You try having the only person you really knows you and cares about you cheat on you with some New York hotshot, get bullied relentlessly for months and end up hospitalized by the fucking homophobes at the school you transferred to because of your boyfriend who, may I remind you, just cheated on you, and then have your parents, grandparents, and baby sister die in a plane crash on the way to your fucking graduation, and on top of that having your best friend die a few years later. You try that, and let me know how fucking normal you can get! Because that's suffering, Kurt. And maybe I did run away to LA to get away from the pain. But you know what? Anyone who fucking blames me for it is an idiot who I dare to go through the same things and come out normal, and they can go to hell while they're at it."
The silence after Blaine's rant was deafening. Kurt just stared blankly at the man in front of him, who was breathing hard and trying to calm down. Blaine abruptly walked out of the kitchen and Kurt heard the bedroom door open. Thinking this was his dismissal to leave, Kurt started walking towards the door.
"Wait." Blaine tried to keep his voice flat, but it came out in a strangled sob. "I..." he paused, trying to keep his emotion in. "I have something for you." He held out an old wrapped shoe box. One of the sides looked bent in, like it had been hit against something; a bedpost, a wall maybe?
"What... What is this?" Kurt asked hesitantly.
Blaine shrugged, trying to look nonchalant through his tear streaked face. "Your 2012 Christmas present."
"Blaine... Blaine I can't take this. I don't deserve it." Kurt said, pushing the gift away.
"I'm not going to do anything with it. I don't want it sitting in my closet, haunting me, anymore." Blaine said. "Besides. It's yours anyway. Merry Christmas, Kurt."
Kurt took it and turned to the door. "Merry Christmas, Blaine."
Kurt managed to get all the way to his apartment parking space before he broke down in tears. He shakily unwrapped the box before opening back the top. Inside was a card on top of a layer of tissue paper. Kurt opened the card first. Inside he read, in high school-Blaine's untidy scrawl,
Kurt,
I just wanted to start with how much I've missed you the past few months. I know I'll say it countless times in the four weeks we're together, but I love you. I love you so much, it physically hurts—and not just when we're apart. It hurts all the time, but don't worry. It's a good kind of hurt.
But that's not the point of this note. The point it that I love you, and I want to be with you. Forever. That's the significance of the things in this box. You'll understand when you open the rest of it. But before you open anything, I just wanted you to know that I'll love you no matter what you do or say or do after you open this. Now, without further ado, open it. And remember that I love you.
Love,
Blaine
Kurt's hands were shaking uncontrollably as he tried to pull the paper away. On top of another layer of tissue paper was a simple envelope. He couldn't figure out why he couldn't read it until he realized he was crying. Hastily whipping his tears away, Kurt began to open the obviously already open letter to read,
Mr. Blaine Anderson, we are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as a finalist for the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts...
Kurt couldn't make himself read the rest of the letter. He had read his own that year so many times that he practically had it memorized. Turning back to the box, Kurt pulled back the last layer of tissue paper to reveal a velvet jewelry box. He opened the box to see a shiny silver ring sitting prettily in the box. Taking it out, Kurt peered at the ring. It had three small diamonds on a silver band. Kurt saw light catch the inside of the ring and inside was inscribed, "No regrets, just love."
The inside of the box, where the ring had previously been sitting, suddenly fell out. There was another small and folded up note. Kurt unfolded it and started reading the years old writing.
Kurt,
If you are reading this, then HOLYFUCKINGSHITOHMYGODI'MGOINGTODIEOFEXCITEMENT you said yes. Yes! You freaking said yes! And I'm engaged to the most beautiful, amazing, pure, and loving man on the entire planet. And I'm moving to New York after high school with you and Rachel, where it's actually LEGAL for us to do this.
So I just wanted to let you know my reasoning. Because, I mean, I'm not even eighteen yet. And we're each other's first boyfriends. And we're so young, and I'm still in high school, and we watched what happened with Rachel and Finn, and the all the odds are just against us. But Kurt, I know for a fact that I never can or will love anyone else ever. I know we're young, I know we're inexperienced, I know neither of us have 'tested any other waters,' I know that the odds say we're not going to make it. But I know we'll make it, Kurt. We'll go further than anyone else ever has gone. And we'll do it together.
I love you. And I know I'll never want to marry anyone except you. I don't care how, I don't care when, I don't care if we're thirty before you decide you're ready. I just know that you're all I want. I'm just giddy with the idea of us getting married and being together forever, and then when we adopt kids together, and live in New York together and...
I can just see it all Kurt. And I want it. I want it so bad. I want to wake up with your head next to mine every morning. I want to wake up next to your body every morning. I want to see your beautiful smile when I surprise you in the kitchen after I've been told to stay out, I want to come home from work everyday to our home, I want family pictures on the walls of you, me, and one, two, or three beautiful children staring back. I want to be able to see you every minute. I never want to be apart from you ever again, because I'm in love with you. Because I love you. Because I care about you. Because I want us both to be happy for the rest of our lives. And everything will be perfect. Forever. Because we'll be together, and that's all we'll ever truly need.
And, since you said yes, I'm going to assume that you want this too. I love you with all my heart. And I'm so glad to be engaged to the most perfect person on the entire planet.
Love,
Blaine
Kurt couldn't help it. He just closed his eyes, leaned his head against the steering wheel, and sobbed.
Blaine sat on the edge of the couch for over an hour, just sitting here and crying. It was stupid. He had known it was a stupid idea to invite Kurt over, but he did it anyway. He'd known it was stupid to give Kurt that present, just to prove how hopeless and stuck in the past he was. I mean, who keeps the ring from a rejected proposal for fuck's sake!
'Well,' Blaine rationalized to himself, 'It wasn't exactly a rejected proposal, considering I never actually proposed…' He sighed and tried to dry his tears before bed. He felt a tug on the sleeve of his shirt.
"Daddy, did you have a bad dream?" Rose asked softly, using the same gentle and loving tone Blaine used with her.
Blaine shrugged and tried to laugh through the sobs threatening to break through. "Not exactly honey, but you could say so."
"Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight, Daddy?" Rose offered.
Blaine legitimately laughed at this, but his voice was still shaky. "I don't think we'd fit, love."
Rose frowned and put her little arm about her father's waist. "Do you want me to sleep in your bed with you tonight?"
Blaine kissed the top of her head and let the tears fall. "That'd be great."
Aaaaaaaaaaand this is the part of the story where one of my betas, Itzel, wants to strangle me. This was actually the first chapter I wrote as well as the first chapter I sent to her sooo... yeah! I hope you like it so far and I'll see you next weekend!
As always, you can follow me on tumblr at ily morethanorequal 2 kurtnblaine (only without spaces because this website is ridiculous) and Itzel at kennymccormicks and Carrie my *other* beta at thelostslytherin! :)