I strolled aimlessly through a nearby park, eventually I found a bench to sit on.
It's midday so families are out and about laughing, running and having fun.
It doesn't wound me as much as I thought it would. That might be because I'm frozen; unfeeling. I've found I'm immune to that stuff now. If I don't take it in, I just don't feel anything.
Although it may be because my mind is else where.
It was back on the second night. When I questioned my very existence.
My fresh start.
It hasn't exactly gone so well. My friends think I'm crazy and my counsellor probably thinks I'm in denial and catatonic and needs to be hospitalized.
What I needed was a fresh start in a new place; completely different from here.
I need new people, new job, new everything. I need a new life.
But since being reborn isn't exactly on my to-do list moving was the next best thing.
I remember spending summers with my Father, Charlie. I had stopped going recently, finding the endless fishing and silence suffocating. He was my father though, and moving to the other side of the country to be with him seemed like the right thing to do now. The offer had been there since the incident, I was adamant about staying out of dreary, rainy forks though. I needed my own blood now. The support of knowing they weren't all gone.
So after 5 minutes of battling with myself, I open my phone and dialled.
"Hello? Swan Residence." Came a gruff voice, unmistakably my fathers.
I swallowed down my doubts.
"Hey dad, its me… I changed my mind…".
I spent a good 2 hours planning my new life.
When and how. I would tell Ang soon enough.
It was like god was egging me on, like he wanted me to tell her already because she showed up just when I got up from the bench to go find a pay phone.
"Hey, how was your session?" She tried to sound as excited as she could but I new she was just anxious.
"It was great I'm making real progress. I've got some real good ideas on how I can start fresh." I left out how I was going to do it, for her sake.
"That's great!"