Chapter Fourteen: Clearly the Best Candidate
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
Passing through Lowtown after another day of adventuring, Emma and her companions fought their way through no less than seven random mobs of people calling themselves the most absurd things (who were these 'Cranky Caterers' and why were they trying to kill them?).
"Not for nothing, Aveline," Carver said as he pulled his sword out of a corpse, "but do you really think that the guards are doing an adequate job of protecting the streets? I mean, really?"
"Guardsman Donnic is a good man," Aveline said stiffly. "And he's doing the best he can."
'But that's just it," Carver said exasperated. "Why do you guys only have one man patrolling? You might as well not send anybody."
Aveline turned her fierce glare on him. "That kind of thinking is why you will never be in the guard."
"Too bad," Carver said flippantly. "With me on your side you lot might actually accomplish something."
"But that reminds me, we do really need to do some serious recruiting," Aveline mused. "We'd take just about anybody at this point except Carver. Anders? Merrill? Fenris? Bethany? Emma?"
"Hey, do you hear that?" Emma asked brightly. "I hear fighting!"
Everyone groaned.
"Not more fighting!" Bethany said tiredly.
Emma's face fell. "I'm sorry, Bethany. But…but they might be hurting people!"
"Oh, all right…" Bethany relented.
"Oh, her you ask for permission from…" Carver grumbled.
"Carver, stop complaining," Emma ordered. "Come on, everyone!"
"Maybe it's a mage," Anders said hopefully as he raced towards the sounds. "No, it's just that guard guy. Emma, I don't know about you but I'm going home."
"Good night," Emma said, waving him off. She turned around and watched him walking away.
"Oh, what, so he gets to just up and leave and no one cares," Carver complained.
"We really should help this man," Merrill suggested.
"I agree," Aveline said. "So why aren't we doing anything?"
"You could do something, you know," Fenris pointed out.
"Um…help…" the man said weakly from the ground.
"Oh, right," Aveline said sheepishly, pulling out her shield and bashing one of the men on the head with it.
Soon, the attackers were all dead and Aveline was pulling Donnic to his feet.
"Thank the Maker you're here!" Donnic exclaimed. "I was worried that I was about to be brutally murdered like Brennan was."
"Brennan…" Isabela repeated, tapping her chin with her fingertip. "That was that woman that we were supposed to save but didn't end up doing so because we kind of forgot, right?"
"I think so," Varric agreed. "Too bad, huh?"
Aveline turned her glare on them.
"What?" Varric asked, holding up his hands appeasingly. "I said it was too bad!"
"Well you don't sound very crushed by this news," Aveline sniffed.
"That might be because I'm not," Varric replied. "I mean, I'm sorry but I've never even met her. In fact, I'm not even positive on her being a woman."
"And now you're insulting her, too!" Aveline groused.
"That wasn't what I…never mind," Varric said, shaking his head.
"Aveline, you're a beautiful sight," Donnic breathed.
"Really?" Emma asked, shocked. "But…but it's Aveline. She's got, like, red hair and freckles and everything! And her hair's always pulled back in that dreadful ponytail and she's got blood all over her face and…how hard did you hit your head, anyway?"
Donnic coughed. "I had actually meant that I was relieved that she was here but, well, she's okay."
"Too bad Anders went home," Emma said ruefully. "This man clearly needs to be checked out. I mean, I guess 'okay' is better than 'beautiful' but I'm still a little concerned-"
"Thank you very much, Emma," Aveline cut her off. "Donnic, what happened?"
"I was attacked by bandits," Donnic replied. "What did it look like?"
"Yes but why-" Aveline began before it was her turn to be interrupted.
"Oh what have we here?" Isabela asked gleefully as she went through Donnic's satchel. "The viscount's seal? Office documents? City accounts? Illicit love letters?"
"Give me those," Varric said, pocketing the notes.
"Those aren't yours, surely," Bethany said, shocked.
Varric shook his head. "Not to worry, Sunshine. I'm just hoping for a little bit of inspiration."
"So you're just going to steal them?" Now it was Merrill who sounded troubled.
"Well, she did say illicit," Varric replied as if that changed anything.
"There's only one possible explanation here," Aveline said grimly. "Captain Jeven is evil and corrupt and he set Donnic up to get killed just like Brennan was. He must answer for this."
"Well, Donnic could be the traitor. It's his pack, after all," Carver pointed out. "He could have just been double-crossed or beaten for effect."
Aveline glared at him. "Carver, stop being such a tit."
"Why do we need to be here?" Emma asked annoyed as they waited outside soon-to-be-removed Captain Jeven's office.
"Because he is about to be arrested and replaced and it is all thanks to us," Aveline replied primly.
"Yeah but I'm not really getting anything out of this and I don't care so…" Emma trailed off.
"Then why did you come?" Aveline inquired.
Emma gestured to Anders who was giving Donnic an examination. "After the crazy things that Donnic was saying last night, I wanted to be sure."
"A man doesn't have to be brain damaged to find me attractive, Emma," Aveline growled. "I was married once, you know."
"Yeah but he was a templar and so that doesn't count," Emma replied.
"Why not?" Aveline demanded. She was spared having to hear Emma's reasoning when two guards with their helmets on dragged Jeven out into the hallway.
"You can't do this to me! I'm your captain! I'll have you fired!" Jeven threatened wildly.
"Not for nothing but I think that's why they're wearing helmets," Varric offered.
"And you," Jeven hissed, his eyes landing on Aveline. "This is all your fault! And you're from Ferelden so this is doubly your fault! I'll see you hanged and quartered for exposing my treason! Why couldn't you just mind your own business?"
"With all the proof, I kind of doubt it," Carver remarked. "And to make public threats like that really won't help his case. Not to mention that even if he miraculously was pardoned, everyone would know why he wanted to go after Aveline anyway. But then, we are talking about the guards so who knows what will happen?"
The viscount's assistant wandered into the room then.
"We found debts to some pretty disreputable characters and I guess that he was looking to pay them back with state secrets," he told them. "Such poor character. I do wonder how he ever got the job in the first place."
"You're the one who hired him," Emma pointed out. "Or the viscount."
The assistant studiously ignored that. "Now we really do need a replacement guard captain. Oh, this is so bothersome…hey, how about you, Aveline? You're the one who exposed Jeven so we can use that to justify your appointment! And you're standing right in front of me so I won't even have to bother to go looking for anyone else who might be infinitely more competent and better qualified! Not that I even know if there are any such people because that's the kind of effort I'm putting into this."
"I…me? The captain of the guards?" A look of pure bliss came over Aveline's face. "I'm honored, sir. Absolutely honored."
"Wait, her?" Carver couldn't believe it. "But she's a terrible guard and regularly hangs out with people she should be arresting!"
"I don't know what kind of mischief that you get up to in your free time, young man," the assistant said frostily. "But I'm sure that Aveline knows nothing of it nor does her failure to know say anything bad about her. But I guess we can train her or something first."
"I wonder if the crime rate will go up or down with someone not accepting bribes in charge," Carver m used.
Varric snorted. "I wouldn't expect it to change much at all, kid."
"Wait, we're going to see the Qunari?" Isabela asked, panicked, as they stepped up to the gate entrance to the compound. The qunari guard eyed her curiously. "I really can't be here. They'll probably kill me for that thing I stole from them."
"Their sacred text," Fenris supplied.
"Whatever it was," Isabela agreed. "I'll catch you later, Emma, Varric."
Emma looked confused. "What was that all about? Anders, do you think Isabela is acting at all suspicious."
Anders shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she just doesn't like qunari."
Carver sighed. "Look, we've got some news for the…Arishok, I believe. May we come in and see him?"
"Very well," the guard agreed, opening the gate. "But try anything and you will die."
Javaris was already inside when they entered, wringing his hands nervously. His whole body lit up when he saw them. "Just who I wanted to see!" Quieter, he continued, "It's about time you showed up. I've been here for a week!"
"Why in the world would you go directly here when we didn't even agree to help you?" Carver wondered.
Javaris shrugged. "I had a good feeling about this."
The qunari sitting in a throne across from him (who was the largest qunari with the biggest horns that any of them had ever seen) looked decidedly unimpressed. "Speak."
"Oh great and mighty Arishok, I am here to report that your hated foe, the Tal'Vashoth were all summarily cut down by my friends here," Javaris reported proudly.
Varric looked insulted. "We are not your friends."
"Whatever. You did kill all of them, right?" Javaris asked, suddenly nervous.
Merrill nodded. "Yes, we did. But it was only in self-defense. They attacked us the moment we got close."
Javaris nodded, looking relieved. "Right. Shouldn't have doubted you. So they're all dead. I'm ready to open negotiations with you for the explosive powder now."
The Arishok stared at them unblinkingly for so long they all started to fidget.
"No," he said finally.
"Do something!" Javaris begged.
"I would but I don't care," Emma told him. "I just want to get paid."
"Fine, here," Javaris said, grumbling as he handed over some coin. "Now talk some sense into him."
Emma thought it over. "No," she said, echoing the Arishok.
"Allow me," Fenris said, stepping forward. "I used to live with qunari before I needlessly slaughtered all of them because someone I hated told me to, you know."
"While I'm not sure that this makes you the best person to negotiate with them – or at all sane, really – I've got nothing else so give it a go," Javaris instructed him.
"Arishok, why do you not honor your bargain with this dwarf?" Fenris asked simply.
Javaris practically fell over. "What? Th-that's it?"
"Qunari like to get straight to the point," Fenris explained.
"Because there was no bargain," the Arishok replied just as simply.
Fenris nodded, satisfied.
"Could you…elaborate?" Bethany requested.
"His offer was refused so he invented a task to prove his worth when he has none," the Arishok continued.
"I broke my beard getting your outcasts killed!" Javaris cried, outraged.
"You hired someone more competent and now stand in their shadow and pretend that it is yours," the Arishok countered. "You paid them in front of me. And even had you done the deed yourself, we made no bargain and so I am under no obligation to do as you ask."
"Well…yeah, that is pretty much what happened," Emma agreed.
"You demean their accomplishment. Get out of my sight before I bother lifting my sword," the Arishok ordered.
"Saved by the power of laziness, who would have thought?" Varric asked amused.
"But…I don't understand!" Javaris complained. "Why won't you give it to me? You have it and people want to buy it! It only makes sense!"
Carver stared at him. "You seriously don't get why he wouldn't want to sell to you?"
"I just said that, didn't I?" Javaris asked crossly.
"One of the reasons that the qunari are so effective is because their explosive powder is so much more effective than any sort of explosives that we can manufacture," Carver explained. "Even if it weren't for the fact that they are constantly at war and have a practical need for this advantage on a daily basis, giving up such a strong advantage would put yourself at risk if you ever got attacked."
"Not to mention that the qunari are not a greedy people," Fenris added. "They wage war but they seek only to help people find the Qun. It may not be what the rest of Thedas would choose for themselves but it is not done out of any interest in gold or other material things. You'll never win them over through that sort of bribery. Ironically, it would be a Tal'Vashoth like the ones we killed for you who would be the only ones to even consider your offer."
Javaris threw his hands up in the air. "You know what? I give up. You're all crazy!"
"You leave, too," the Arishok instructed them.
"We will," Emma agreed. "But first I thought I should mention that some of your mage-guards allowed a mage to speak in front of us before they killed him and so tried to murder us even though the mage only told us to follow the Qun and we didn't even particularly want to talk to him in the first place and so we killed them instead."
The Arishok looked surprised. "You must be very skilled then. Thank you for telling me."
Emma's eyebrows shot up. "Th-that's it?"
"What do you want, to be attacked by the entire qunari army in the heart of their compound?" Carver hissed to her. "Shut up!"
"Well no, but I feel that I should be honest about this," Emma explained.
"Yes," the Arishok answered. "Leave."
Left with little choice, the group did so and the gate slammed behind them the second the last one was out.
Sebastian was waiting for them.
"Oh great," Aveline grumbled.
"Who invited him?" Anders demanded.
"What do you want?" Emma asked rudely.
"You forgot to tell me where we were meeting today," Sebastian said, smiling. "Just like you haven't mentioned it for the last two weeks."
"And you didn't get what we were trying to tell you?" Bethany asked pointedly.
Sebastian shrugged. "I wondered if maybe I kept slipping your mind or if this is just a hilarious misunderstanding where you all think someone else told me. Or maybe you want me to be more self-sufficient. Either way, I've collected some heroic quests for you to look into. If, you know, you want to."
There was a silence as they all hoped that he would just go away.
"What are they?" Merrill asked curiously once it became obvious that he was waiting for them to make the next move.
"Merrill!" Emma complained.
"What do you expect from a blood mage?" Anders asked contemptuously.
"Do you always have to bring that up?" Carver asked irritably. "That has nothing to do with that."
"Everything has to do with that," Anders said stubbornly.
"There's this woman who is looking for her templar recruit brother, Keran, who has gone missing," Sebastian began.
"Boo, why do we care about that?" Anders demanded. "He's a templar."
"Lots of other templars have apparently gone missing as well," Sebastian continued, frowning slightly in confusion.
"It can't be one of our people," Anders said. "I'd have heard of it. Still, maybe we should find them. They could have some good ideas."
"Or we could always stop the illegal kidnapping," Aveline suggested.
Emma and Anders exchanged a glance before bursting out laughing.
"Next there's a man named Ghyslain de Carrac who is looking for his missing wife," Sebastian told them.
"Is she a templar, too?" Fenris inquired.
"No but according to everyone who knows her, she likely just ran off because her husband is verbally abusive and all and all a horrible person," Sebastian answered. "Then finally Magistrate Vanard says that there is an escaped criminal hiding in the ruins outside of Kirkwall. And before you ask, there is no reason to think that he is a mage or a templar."
"Why would we ask?" Anders asked blankly.
"Though for the record, we're offended that you put mage first," Emma said sternly.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian apologized. "So, now that I'm here what are we going to do?"
Varric yawned loudly. "Wow, I'm beat. I think I'm going to just go straight to bed now."
"Yeah, I think that sounds like a good plan," Aveline agreed.
"Let's call it a day," Fenris said, nodding.
"B-but it's not even noon yet!" Sebastian protested.
Emma's eyes narrowed. "Are you questioning our methods? Honestly, Sebastian, where do you even get off? You never even help us do anything and now this!"
"But…but…" Sebastian sputtered.
Carver finally took pity on him as everyone else began to walk away. "Don't worry. You're probably better off."
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