Chapter Seventeen: Left to Die
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age 2.
"Is it just me or is the fact that we're the ones who provided the necessary funds for the expeditions, provided the necessary maps for the expedition, and now are finding the necessary way past the cave-in which, despite vile accusations, is not our fault," Emma said vehemently as they walked along searching for another way through to where they needed to go.
"Um…That sentence started out as a question but you never actually asked one," Merrill pointed out.
Emma blinked. "Did it? Huh. I'm just sort of getting the feeling that Bartrand is a lazy freeloader like Carver. No offense, Varric."
Varric shrugged indifferently. "None taken. My brother is what he is. But it's been at least three months since he last tried to kill me so I believe that we are making progress."
"I don't think Carver is a lazy freeloader," Merrill said loyally.
"But you're a blood mage so your opinion doesn't count," Fenris said bluntly.
Emma nodded. "When you're right, you're right. Hey, Varric, did we just go around in a huge circle?"
"I should think not!" Varric exclaimed indignantly.
"Naturally," Fenris said dryly. "If you had thought we were going around in circles then we would not have been going around in circles now would we? As this is your expedition and you're not a mage, I highly doubt you would intentionally sabotage yourself."
"No, I mean that we're not going around in circles," Varric insisted. "I'm sure of it. Stone sense and whatnot."
"Dwarves always use stone sense as an excuse for everything," Emma complained. I'm starting to think that it doesn't actually exist."
"It's really not so strange," Varric told her. "It only kicks in underground and it allows us to be able to keep track of time and to not get lost."
"Are you sure yours is working right?" Merrill asked uncertainly.
"Just because I was born on the surface is no reason for you to go around making assumptions," Varric said, crossing his arms. "My stone sense works just fine."
"Well if we're not lost then tell me why we're coming across all these dead darkspawn," Emma challenged.
Varric glanced down at them. "I…don't know. But we're still not lost."
"I think someone's in denial," Emma whispered loudly with absolutely no trace of irony.
"Oh look, a dwarf!" Merrill exclaimed, pointing to a blonde dwarf with his back to them. "Do you think he's the one we've been looking for?"
"We've been looking for a dwarf?" Emma asked blankly.
Fenris snorted. "Evidently you have not been."
As they approached the dwarf, he turned around. "Hello!" he greeted them brightly.
"Did you kill all of those darkspawn?" Emma asked, impressed.
"Sandal is the only one here," Fenris said disdainfully. "Of course he did."
Sandal held out an explosive device. "Boom."
"Not as useful as magic," Emma sniffed. "But I suppose that dwarves must make do."
"Some days I wonder how we even manage at all," Varric said wryly.
"I would do that, too, if I gave it any thought, I'm sure," Emma replied, completely serious.
"Am I the only one wondering about that?" Fenris demanded, gesturing towards a giant ogre completing frozen mid-charge just a few feet away.
"Why would we be?" Merrill asked, puzzled. "It seems like a simple ice spell."
"Dwarves aren't mages," Varric reminded them. "We were just talking about that."
Emma took out her staff and tapped Sandal once on both shoulders. "I dub you Sandal, the first dwarven mage. Or is that thee? It's probably thee. Bethany would know."
"You can't just do that!" Fenris cried out, scandalized.
"And yet somehow I just did," Emma noted idly, inspecting her fingernails.
"We're not done yet," Varric said grimly. "Sandal, we've cleared a path back to camp and even if we hadn't then I'm sure you'd be fine. Head back there while we keep looking."
Emma groaned. "This is so tedious. Carver is such an ass for not being here."
"But…he wanted to be and you wouldn't let him," Merrill tried to remind her.
Emma appeared not to hear that. "This wealth had better be fabulous or I will start killing people."
Varric glanced at Fenris. "You have nothing to say about this?"
"Why would I?" Fenris asked, surprised. "They invited a mage along; they have only themselves to blame. I'm a big believer in personal responsibility."
Q
"Yes, Emma, I am absolutely positive that that giant dragon was not an Archdemon," Varric said tiredly.
"I agree," a man in a Grey Warden tunic said, appearing out of nowhere. He had two minions also wearing Grey Warden garb and standing right behind him.
"Okay, who are you?" Fenris demanded.
"And why are you here if not for an Archdemon?" Emma challenged.
"I'm not even going to tell you who we are aside from Grey Wardens," the Grey Warden began. And as for what I'm doing…I can't tell you that, either, but I promise that we're absolutely not, under any circumstances, trying to increase the intelligence of darkspawn so that we may talk to them. And maybe, if we have time and remember, try to find out how to stop the Blights. Apparently their last suggestion of tainting the Old Gods with Grey Warden blood doesn't work and actually just starts a Blight. Who knew?"
Varric just stared at them. "You people really suck, don't you? No wonder Blondie ran away."
"What?" the Grey Warden asked innocently. "I said that that was what we weren't doing."
"I'm sure," Varric said sarcastically.
"And if by 'Blondie' you mean the Ferelden Warden Anders-" the Grey Warden started to say.
"Okay, that's just creepy," Fenris muttered.
"Then you've got that all wrong," the Grey Warden assured them. "He left because of the Templar who became a Warden and his partner who made it his mission to stalk him everywhere and to kill him at the slightest provocation. He's the brother of some other Templar that Anders allegedly killed."
"That's worse than we thought," Merrill told him flatly.
"I'm still not sympathetic," Fenris claimed. "Although I'm getting a little closer. Varric's right; you people do suck."
The Grey Warden shrugged. "I don't know about that. I'm just trying to be accurate."
"Why are you even here?" Emma asked, mystified.
"You asked about the Archdemon and it's our policy to show up whenever anyone does," the Grey Warden explained. "It's like a dog whistle for Wardens."
"I miss Loghain…" Emma said mournfully. "If only I weren't too kind to take him with me to this hellhole..."
"Maybe if you didn't waste all your time doing that then you might stop being so useless," Varric hinted. "Although given the kinds of things you guys apparently get up to when you're not being useless, maybe you should just forget that I said anything…"
"To answer your question, that was not an Archdemon or else the darkspawn would be far more organized and ferocious. And also when you, a non-Grey Warden, killed it – whichever one of you did that – then it would…" the Grey Warden trailed off and coughed. "Um…I've got to go." He and his two followers quickly hurried away.
"…What was that?" Emma demanded.
"I don't know," Varric said, shaking his head. "But I think we've slaughtered our way to a new passage. Let's go see if Bartrand is actually, if probably accidentally, grateful for a minute."
Q
As it happened, he was not. Far from it.
"This route is terrible," Bartrand complained. "There are so many corpses everywhere and we have to do a lot more walking than I thought."
"It's either corpses or darkspawn," Varric said flatly. "And of course there's more walking! We had to go around the initial passage."
"Yes but still, this is awful. And I still blame you," Bartrand announced.
"I honestly don't know what he would do without me," Varric confided. "Take responsibility for his own messes for a change or accept the possibility that some things just are and aren't anybody's fault?"
"Maker forbid," Emma said, shuddering.
"Is this…we've made it to the Thaig!" Bartrand shouted, excitedly. "Varric, go explore it."
"Why can't you explore it?" Varric asked.
"I always like to be the closest one to the door," Bartrand explained. "But fine, if you won't be reasonable then I'll explore it with you. Everyone else, just sort of stand around being useless. It's what I pay you for, after all."
"He really does," Varric confided. "That's why I'm in charge of the finances."
"At least he's not expecting anything out of his useless men," Merrill said, trying to be positive. "That might not work out so well."
"You know," Varric said as they started going deeper into the Thaig, "as the leader of the expedition I would have expected you to be more, I don't know, curious about this kind of thing."
"Please," Bartrand scoffed. "I have people for that."
"Yes, he really does," Varric confirmed. "And he overpays them, too."
"This place is weird," Bartrand complained.
"Well, it is an entire week's worth underground," Emma pointed out. "And it's really old, too. What did you expect?"
"No, not that. I just don't see any statues of Paragons," Bartrand said, looking around as if hoping some would just miraculously appear if he kept searching.
"There aren't any statues of Paragons where we live so why is that so weird?" Varric wondered.
"Because underground dwarves always worship Paragons," Bartrand said as if it were obvious.
"But this is really old," Emma pointed out. "Maybe it was before Paragons."
"Dwarves have always worshipped Paragons," Bartrand claimed. "Our people don't change. Ever. We were probably put on this land – however that happened – already seeking out our first Paragon."
"I think you might be exaggerating," Varric said gently.
"I never exaggerate," Bartrand said firmly. "And nothing ever changes. Nothing!"
"Clearly it did or there would be Paragon statues," Fenris told him.
"These dwarves must be unique or something," Bartrand declared.
"I feel like we're talking but it's just not getting into that thick skull of his," Varric mused. "Oh well, let's keep going, see if we can find anything valuable."
"How will we know if it's valuable?" Merrill wondered.
"The older it is, the better. Some people are weirdly sentimental that way," Varric announced. "Especially scholars who want to learn as much about dead people as possible. It's weird, I know, but there you go. And, just to make life inconveniencing, the older something is the better it usually is as well."
They began to search the Thaig when Fenris found another passage.
"This must be to a Primeval Thaig…" Varric breathed. "Hey Bartrand, come check this out!"
"You could just say 'really old'," Emma told him. "If, you know, you weren't trying to be all pretentious. And I don't know how you can possibly tell that it's that old, either."
"Well I'm a writer, Emma," Varric explained. "I have difficulty phrasing something in a boring way like 'that really old Thaig' when I could spice it up by calling it a primeval Thaig. "
Grumbling, Bartrand followed them into the new area of the Thaig but stopped at the door. "Just in case."
"Why is there a primeval Thaig right next to a far less old Thaig?" Merrill wondered. "That just seems a little odd to me. And it's like the newer Thaig – not like that's saying much – just completely left the older Thaig alone."
Fenris shrugged. "Who understands dwarves?"
"Hey, I don't get this either," Varric told them.
"I sense lyrium!" Emma exclaimed excitedly.
"I think I do, too," Merrill confirmed.
Varric's eyes lit up. "Ooh, where?"
"Right over there," Emma said, pointing at this altar in the middle of the Thaig.
They hurried to approach it.
"Does anyone else get the feeling that this is not a good idea?" Fenris asked.
Emma reached out to touch it and it glowed an ominous red. "No, not really. Why?"
"I'm not surprised that you don't," Fenris muttered. "I've just heard enough stories about foolish travelers uncovering ancient treasures in the Deep Roads and accidentally releasing some sort of monster that kills them all or they get possessed and then they kill them all and it's just really not a good idea."
"You read too much," Emma said dismissively.
Fenris glared at her. "I told you I can't read."
"And I told you to ask me for lessons," Emma countered. "If you won't take me up on that then you have no one to blame but yourself and I don't have to feel sorry for you."
"Objects of great power and mystery are not to be trusted," Fenris continued, trying to get back on track and avoid a pointless argument with Emma. "And lyrium is associated with mages so it is to be trusted even less."
"You and your mages issues," Emma scoffed rolling her eyes.
"I have the facts on my side!" Fenris claimed. "And the fact it just glowed red is also really making me doubt that anything good can come of this."
"It's just a lyrium idol. I'm sure it will be fine," Emma said optimistically.
"Varric?" Fenris asked desperately.
Varric hesitated before finally shaking his head. "Sorry, kid. It's not that you don't make a good point – because you do – it's just that this looks like it is worth a lot of money."
Emma started stroking the idol. "Precious…"
"Perhaps we'd better get that away from her…" Varric said, frowning. He took the idol and tossed it to his brother.
"You can't just throw something that valuable!" Emma protested.
Bartrand barely caught it.
"See, it's fine," Varric said, unconcerned.
"You guys stay here," Bartrand told them. "I'm going to go leave you all to die." He began walking towards the door to the Thaig.
"Wait, don't do that!" Merrill protested.
"He always says that," Varric assured her.
"Does he always say that before trying to kill someone?" Fenris demanded. "Because he just shut us in."
"…As a matter of fact, yes, yes he does," Varric confirmed. His eyes widened in horror and he ran for the door. He pounded loudly on it. "Seriously, Bartrand, what is it this time? Did I not solve every problem you ever had fast enough?"
"No, I think you're solving the problem I had with splitting this obscene amount of money three ways just fine," Bartrand said maniacally.
"Bartrand, you're being an idiot!" Varric complained. "You know you can't get along without me. Everyone knows that. And, like you said, the idol is an obscene amount of money. And if you hadn't just shut us in and collected everything else from the Thaig then even a third of the money from everything would be more than what you're getting if you keep everything to yourself."
"…It's really more of the principle of the thing," Bartrand claimed.
"It's really more that the lyrium idol is evil," Fenris insisted. "Seeing as how within two minutes of touching it he betrayed us and left us in here to die for no good reason."
"Nah, I think that he was probably going to do that anyway," Varric told them. "But you may have a point about the timing. Normally Bartrand wouldn't have done anything until we had helped him lug everything back to the surface. That's why I never let him buy me a drink."
"Your family has problems," Emma said bluntly.
"It's nothing compared to some of the things that I've heard happened in Orzammar. I mean, just look at the recent election and the Aeducan travesty!" Varric exclaimed.
"I can't imagine it would be worse than this," Emma told him.
Varric snorted. "Trust me; those Aeducans would be lucky to have a brother like Bartrand."
"Not to interrupt your sibling comparisons," Merrill said, looking a little queasy. "But I'm finding that not having a way out is making me a little…uncomfortable. Can we maybe look for a way out?"
"We've been shut in here to die? What are the odds that there's going to even be another way out?" Fenris demanded.
"Well I think we should look for one before just automatically assuming that there is none and just dying," Emma announced.
Varric pointed to one of the walls. "There's a passage out of here right there."
"You can't possibly know that," Emma argued.
"Stone sense," Varric said smugly.
"That's still not even a thing," Emma complained.
"Would you rather accept that I have stone sense and that it is awesome or die here convinced that you're right?" Varric challenged.
Emma hesitated.
"You'd also die poor," Varric pointed out.
Emma beamed at him. "You're so clever, Varric! I wish I had stone sense like you!"
Varric smirked. "Thought so."
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