Chapter Thirty-One: Qualifying Runaways

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age 2.

"I'm just saying," Emma said as Carver and Aveline practically dragged her to the viscount's office, "that maybe he should try solving his own damn problems for once. Or at least paying me. I would also be open to him paying me while he solves his own damn problems but I'm willing to concede that that isn't a very likely turn of events. Neither are the first two, of course, but compared to the third...though that is my favorite scenario of all."

"He's the viscount," Aveline said as if that settled everything. "You have to do this."

"What do you want?" Emma demanded rather rudely once she had finally been shoved into the viscount's presence.

"The qunari kidnapped my son Saemus again," the viscount complained.

Emma put a hand on her forehead. "Can't you keep track of him better?"

"I'm very busy," the viscount protested.

Given how many times Emma had used something like that as an excuse herself, she supposed that she really couldn't call him out on that. "You could at least hire someone. And are you sure he's actually gone missing this time and didn't run off to join the qunari this time?"

The viscount deflated. "I…Okay, he might have left about a dozen notes all informing he that he's run away to go live with the qunari now and he's never coming back but I can't just admit to that!"

"Because it means that you failed as a father if your wealthy and privileged son is so damn eager to get away from all the wealth and privilege and be a qunari?" Emma asked, making a face.

"Well…that, too," the viscount conceded. "But mostly for the political fallout. Imagine what will happen if people learn what has happened? There will be anarchy! I'll probably be fired, maybe killed! And who knows if anyone can prevent a war? I'm starting to think that the Chantry actually wants a war. Or at least certain elements of it."

"Like Mother Petrice," Emma suggested. "But listen, what am I supposed to do about this? And why should I?"

The viscount sighed heavily. "It comes to this. I do not want the qunari to murder me tonight. If you don't want the qunari to murder you tonight, or at the very least ruin your evening by killing everyone all around you, then you have no choice but to help me prevent a war."

"Delay a war, really," Emma corrected.

The viscount ran a shaky hand over his face. "Delay, prevent, whichever. This cannot happen tonight! Find my son and convince him to come home or at least fake his own death and leave Kirkwall or something! Please!"

Emma sighed. "Fine, whatever. I'll go see the qunari. But don't expect anything much. The qunari are kind of weird and I'm still barely invested."

"I would think that you would be more concerned about your own safety!" the viscount cried out, stunned.

Emma shrugged. "It's not that I don't, exactly, it's just that at this point I'm half-convinced that I'm immortal."

When the group, sans Isabela, made their way to the qunari compound they were told that Saemus wasn't there and to try the Chantry. Fenris insisted that the qunari weren't lying and, in the interest of not starting something before they had to, they decided to search other places for him.

"This is stupid," Emma complained. "If he were really anywhere else then why would the viscount think he was missing?"

Everyone was quiet for a moment before the obvious began to dawn on all of them the way that it really should have dawned on the viscount and probably would have if he had actually put any effort into it before handing the task off to Emma.

"Chantry."

"He's at the Chantry."

"It has to be the Chantry."

"This time I'm going to kill that bitch."

That last one met with several nods of agreement.

When they arrived at the Chantry, they were met with the strangest sight.

Saemus was there, true, alive and cowering against a wall and Sebastian was standing between him and the forces that Petrice had brought with her.

"Is…is he actually going to do something?" Carver couldn't believe it.

"Something helpful?" Aveline added.

"Let's take a moment to fix this image in our memories forever," Fenris said solemnly.

Sebastian looked up at the sound of their voices. "My friends!" he had never been happier to see them. "Mother Petrice has gone mad. She seems to think that the viscount's son has gone back to the Chantry and now must be murdered by you…while her own men strike him down!"

"Now you've done it, Hawke," Petrice sneered at her. "You've attacked a repentant Chantry convert in the middle of the Chantry and the viscount's son no less! You and your qunari masters must be stopped!"

"Seriously, where is the idea that I love the qunari coming from?" Emma wondered aloud.

"If I may be so bold," Saemus spoke up, "I believe that it is because virtually everyone else in Kirkwall hate the qunari so much that even your complete and utter indifference to them paints you as some sort of qunari-worshipper."

Emma frowned. "Well, that's annoying."

"Stop ignoring me!" Petrice demanded. "And men, stop letting one man hold you off!"

"I think that's our cue to do something," Merrill theorized.

The group quickly ran up the stairs and joined the fray .

"Thank goodness that you are here, my friends!" Sebastian said as he fell back, breathing hard, and let his reinforcements take over from him.

Once all of Petrice's men were killed, she glowered at them. "You think you're so smart, don't you?"

"Recent history has had us winning every time we've come up against you," Varric agreed.

"Just because you keep winning now doesn't mean that you'll keep winning forever," Petrice warned. "I have friends in high places and I have the righteousness of Andraste herself on my side!"

"If there was actually a Maker, he would strike Petrice down right about now," Varric said idly.

"And damaging the Chantry?" Emma asked, half-laughing. "Not on your life!"

"I will keep coming back, stronger and stronger than before, and there is nothing that you can do to stop me!" Petrice crowed. She turned to walk away. "I'll see you dead before we're through, Emma Hawke. I can promise you that."

"Yeah, course we could do that," Emma spoke up. "Or…I can totally kill you now."

Petrice spun around again, her eyes wide with horror. "W-what? But you can't! It just wouldn't be fair! I'm a non-combatant and everything!"

"The hell you are," Emma said, taking out a dagger and stabbing Petrice straight through. "And even if you were…what do you call Seamus?"

"A traitorous and soon to be dead f-fool," Petrice managed to say as she fell.

"Yes, well, I never liked you, either," Saemus said, glaring hatefully at her corpse.

"What's going on here?" the grand cleric asked as she walked up to them. "Is that…murder? In the Chantry?"

"Define 'murder'," Carver said, wincing. "We did kill these people but only to protect Saemus."

"It's true," Saemus confirmed. "These people kidnapped me, informed me I was Andrastian again, and were going to kill me when Sebastian here saved my life and then his friends came to back him up."

The grand cleric shook her head. "I do so dislike a mess in the Chantry…But it could have been far worse. Good work, Sebastian."

"Does this mean we're going to start having to take him seriously now?" Anders asked, disgusted.

Sebastian practically swooned. "Your grace!"

Varric laughed. "Nope, not quite yet."

"Oh, good," Merrill said, relieved.

"Saemus," a qunari said, appearing out of nowhere. "It is god that you are safe. We have come to take you back with us."

"You're going to kidnap him?" the grand cleric asked, scandalized.

Sebastian readied his bow.

"Is it kidnap when he wants to go?" the qunari inquired.

"I do want to go," Saemus agreed. "Tell my father that it's okay if he tells people I'm dead and I intend to be gone soon anyway. Oh! And make sure he knows that this isn't his fault even though it totally is. Kirkwall is just too messed up for me to spend one more minute here and after a lifetime of this, living according to the Qun sounds like nirvana itself!"

"Well…That was…that," the grand cleric trailed off, shaking her head. "I'm starting to wonder if he might have the right idea."

"Joining the qunari?" Anders asked, surprised.

The grand cleric shook her head. "Oh, I could never forsake Andraste like that. I just mean get out of Kirkwall."

"Who knows," Anders said encouragingly. "In time you may yet get your wish!"

"Somebody else tell the viscount," Emma requested. "I still don't care enough."

Emma was awoken from her nap by Aveline's loud and annoying lecturing. Stumbling downstairs, she saw that Isabela was there, too, but her voice was not nearly so shrill so that alone would not have been able to wake her up. And, of course, people rarely argued when they were alone. Not never but rarely.

"This is important! Let me get Emma to save us all from the qunari and then she can go on your trivial little treasure hunt," Aveline insisted.

"Get off your high horse," Isabela snapped, annoyed. "I have problems, too."

Aveline laughed at that. "Like what? 'What drink shall I order?' and 'Who's the father?'"

Isabela didn't seem to mind the insults but they incensed Emma.

"Aveline, can you stop being a bitch for five seconds? That was uncalled for," Emma said, narrowing her eyes.

Aveline closed her eyes briefly."I only meant that I'm sure that whatever problems she have pale in comparison to the problem of the qunari planning on killing us all."

Emma was unmoved.

"Emma…" Aveline took a step closer. "The Arishok is sheltering two fugitives from justice because they've 'converted to the Qun' or some other such nonsense. I can't have people thinking that they can just ignore the law. You have to help me convince the Arishok to release them to stop things from getting out of hand."

"Can't they just ignore the law, though?" Emma inquired. "Diplomatic immunity and whatnot. Or maybe that's not the right phrase. It's something like that, though."

This was the first Aveline had ever heard of such a thing. "Diplomatic what?"

"Yeah," Emma said, nodding. "The land that the qunari have taken is governed by themselves, they don't pay taxes, they don't follow our laws…they exist as a law unto themselves. While you're in their compound you might as well be in their own homeland. That sounds like an embassy to me. And if these two fugitives have converted and been accepted as citizens then I'm afraid you can't touch them. That's just how these things work."

"You're making these words up!" Aveline accused.

"I'm really not," Emma assured her. "The logic behind it is that if someone breaks the law then they should be tried and punished by their native land. If these are really criminals then the qunari will give them the punishment that the Qun says that they should. And from what I've seen of qunari punishments, it's sure to be pretty hard-core."

"I'm just not comfortable trusting your imaginary theories on embassies and the like," Aveline said sternly, crossing her arm.

"Well I'm mad at you for being a bitch to Isabela so I'm going to do whatever she happens to need first," Emma announced. She turned to Isabela. "What do you happen to need?"

"This is actually important," Isabela assured her. "I sort-of found out where that sacred text of the Arishok's is. You know, the one he can't leave without. I need to get it back."

"That does sound important," Aveline sounded shocked. Suspicion entered her eyes. "What's the catch?"

"I…kind of sort of need to give it to someone who isn't the Arishok so that he won't kill me," Isabela admitted.

"I don't see why you're so scared of this guy," Emma said, shaking her head. "Just stick with me and we'll kill whoever he sends after you and then sooner or later he's going to come after you himself and then we can kill him and everything's fine."

Isabela smiled at that."You think that I should pull a Fenris?"

"I'm not sure I'd call it that but…yes. Yes, I do," Emma told her.

"Well, I think about it but no promises," Isabela replied. "So are you ready to go and get this book?"

Emma nodded. "Absolutely."

"What about me and the riot I'm trying to prevent?" Aveline demanded.

"I'd say that you'd be fine but, knowing you, you probably won't be," Emma told her. "Just wait and, when I'm done, I'll see if I both remember to help you and care enough to actually do so."

"I really hope that this helps," Aveline said thunderously. "Though even if this book actually does have anything to do with the qunari and actually could get them to immediately leave, the fact that Isabela openly admits that she's not even going to let us use it for that means that this is the biggest waste of time ever!"

"I wouldn't call it a waste of time," Emma disagreed.

"Yeah!" Isabela chimed in. "This is my life on the line here!"

"But it's your fault that it's in trouble to begin with!" Aveline burst out.

"Irrelevant," Isabela said dismissively.

"There is that, yes," Emma agreed. "But mostly, I just really don't want to help you right now, Aveline. In fact, after Isabela and I get her book back there's a good chance we'll go out for celebratory drinks and after that I just might take another nap."

"I'm not sure if I should be pleased with the support or not since you're clearly only doing it to spite Aveline," Isabela mused.

"But I am doing it," Emma pointed out.

Aveline threw back her head and groaned. "If only your useless brother wasn't such a tit. Then I could ask him to help me."

"Wait, wait, wait," Cassandra interrupted again.

Varric sighed. "Yes?"

"You're saying that Emma Hawke was actually asked to go down to the qunari compound?" Cassandra couldn't believe it.

"By Aveline, yes," Varric confirmed. "I'm not sure why she thought that that would accomplish but there you go. Aveline's reputation for competency as guard captain was always a fact that was fiercely challenged by all of us. But it doesn't matter if Emma had been specifically invited or not because she had a standing invitation from the Arishok at that point as she was the only non-convert that he knew who never bothered him with anything stupid and occasionally helped them out."

"And Emma Hawke didn't go…why?" Cassandra wanted to know. "She must have known how restless the city was getting; she barely stopped the murder of the viscount's son! It can't just be because she didn't like Aveline."

"Actually, I heard from several different sources that it was indeed solely because she didn't like Aveline," Varric replied. "She didn't mind her at first but over the years she just really started to dislike her and, of course, Aveline had always hated Emma. Emma really took offense to that 'who's the father' crack Aveline made. That was rather out of character for her, come to think of it."

"Did the text even help? Would Isabela really give it to the qunari?" Cassandra demanded.

Varric rolled his eyes. "You're simply going to have to wait until I get to that part of the story…which I'd probably be at by now if you hadn't interrupted me. Or do you still not trust me to tell you the truth?"

"At times it is impossible to, such as when you kill everyone all by yourself or when you narrate that you're actually addressing me," Cassandra replied.

"Hey, what did I tell you?" Varric asked. "It actually went down that way. For the latter, not the former, that is."

"Some of what you say makes sense even if I have difficulty believing most of the people in your story, particularly the Champion herself," Cassandra told him.

Varric laughed. "Did you know that she went around singing 'I am the Champion' for weeks after she was given that title? She was absolutely no help rebuilding, either."

"What is your motivation for doing this?" Cassandra wondered suddenly. "Are you 'just trying to set the record straight'?"

Varric rolled his eyes. "Please. My book, which will come out next week, will explain all of this that I'm telling you. This is really just an advanced reading since you couldn't be bothered to wait. As for my motivation…well, why don't we ask your guards that kidnapped me what I'm doing here and why."

"No, no, I don't need to know that badly," Cassandra said airily. "Go on, tell me how all of this descended into anarchy and chaos."

"Okay," Varric agreed. "But seriously, you're not going to believe me…"

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