Chapter Forty-One: Anders' Blatant Lies

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age 2.

Anders was unaccountably nervous when Emma walked into the room.

"Emma, I've been thinking about what you said," Anders told her. "And what everyone else said, I suppose, but aside from Varric I really don't care what any of them thinks and so it's mostly about you. Justice…I was just trying to help him when I accepted him into my life but everything's gone so dreadfully wrong since then. Almost from the start, really."

"Anders…" Emma said softly, moving closer.

"And I never really thought that I could ever find happiness again – especially with all of the anti-looking I was doing – but you're just too bloody persistent," Anders said fondly. "And I've come to realize that for us to have a future, something must be done about Justice."

Emma brightened at this; it was exactly what she wanted to hear. "We can go back to the Circle and ask them to do another exorcism."

"I don't think it's that simple," Anders said sadly. "It's been too many years and it's not an outright possession. Sure, he occasionally takes over but for the most part we're just…merged."

"I still think it's worth a tr-" Emma started to say.

Anders shook his head. "No, there's really no point."

Emma frowned. "But…you wouldn't have said all those things unless there was an answer. Or were you just going to tell me that you were going to start looking?"

"No, I wouldn't do that to you," Anders said, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. "I have a plan to get rid of Justice but I need your help to do it."

"I'd do anything for you, Anders," Emma said seriously. "And you know I'm not just saying that but actually mean that and that that worries my brother to no end."

"I do," Anders confirmed. "And that means the world to me. And you know that I would do anything for you as long as it doesn't get in the way of my self-appointed mission to save the mages of Thedas."

Emma smiled sardonically. "I do, yes. But…I mean…I have to ask. What does Justice say about all of this? Is he going to try to sabotage it?"

Anders shook his head. "No, actually. Justice wants this as much as I do. He misses his home in the Fade, misses the simplicity of life as a spirit. And he's also concerned about the uncontrollable rage that wells up within us sometimes and threatens the innocent. He will support us in this."

"So what do you need?" Emma asked him.

"I've gathered what I could but there's a few outlandish ingredients I'll need your help collecting," Anders explained. "There's a powder that the Tevinter call "sela petrae" and a small amount of drakestone."

"So is it just this potion or is there a ritual or…?" Emma asked curiously.

Anders shook his head. "No, no ritual. Just the potion and then…boom! Justice and I are free."

" 'Boom'?" Emma repeated curiously.

Anders' smiled faltered for a second. "It's…just a figure of speech."

"It's kind of an odd figure of speech," Emma pointed out. "In fact, it's an outright explosive one."

"Well, you know me," Anders said with forced cheer. "I love explosions."

"What's sela petrae and where do we find it?" Emma inquired.

"It's a crystallized mixture of manure and urine – I know, I know – and we'll probably need to look in the sewers since it is rather exotic. The formula I found to separate Justice and I is Tevinter, you know," Anders told her.

Emma made a face. "I hope you know that I'm only doing this because I love you."

Anders chuckled. "Whatever it takes."

"And drakestone?" Emma asked.

Anders shrugged. "Tevinters used to mine it for their apothecaries. There should still be some in the bone pit."

"Bone pit?" Emma repeated.

Anders looked thoughtful. "Of course, I heard that all the workers there were eaten by a dragon so we might want to bring the others for that one but just tell them that you wanted to slay a dragon."

Emma winced. "Oh, boy."

"But you will do it?" Anders asked urgently. "This is the only chance that I will ever have to be free, Emma."

Emma nodded slowly. "Yes, I will."

Anders brushed her hair out of her face. "Oh, I knew that I could count on you!"

Emma smiled up at him. "And when this is over you'll finally let me set a date for our wedding?"

Anders kissed her. "Oh, Emma, when this is over I will do everything in the world with you."

"Fenris," Emma said, not quite able to meet his eyes.

Fenris immediately jumped up, concerned. "What's wrong? Is it Anders? Did he do something stupid?"

"I…" Emma threw her head back. "I don't know."

"Tell me everything," Fenris instructed.

Emma hesitated. "It's just…I need to know. And you speak Tevinter and spent time around Tevinter mages. Magisters. Whatever."

Fenris' concern wasn't abating. "I did, yes. What's all this about?"

Emma licker her lips. "I just…Can you tell me…What is 'sela petrae'?"

Fenris' eyes widened. "Emma, what's going on?"

"Just tell me," Emma pleaded. "Please. I already know where it comes from but not what it does."

"Sela Petrae is a very powerful explosive," Fenris told her solemnly. "It's just about the most powerful explosive that the Tevinter Imperium has, only surpassed by the black powder that the qunari possess."

"So imbibing it would be a bad idea," Emma concluded hollowly.

"Drinking it could kill you," Fenris confirmed. "And anyone who knows anything about it would shy away from drinking it even without that. Why, Emma? What's going on?"

Emma smiled sadly. "I've got to go."

"There you are, Emma!" Anders exclaimed, waving her over. He was standing on the steps of the Chantry. "There's one more thing that I need you to do for me."

"What?" Emma asked quietly.

"I must get into the Chantry and do something extremely important but equally secret without being seen. I trust that most of the sheep in the Chantry won't notice a thing but please distract the grand cleric for me," Anders requested.

"And you won't even tell me why." It wasn't a question.

"No," Anders confirmed. At least this wasn't a lie. "If you support freedom for mages then you will do this." And he had that explosive and didn't want to be seen. And he was giving her an ultimatum, as if his way was the only way she could really believe. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. She had to trust him.

Emma nodded wordlessly and went to go talk to Elthina.

Elthina was less surprised to see her this time and maybe even a little pleased.

"What brings you here, Emma Hawke?" she asked kindly.

"I'm just feeling a little sick of the whole 'mages and templars' thing and I figured that you would be the one person as eager to not talk about that as I am," Emma told her.

The grand cleric smiled at that. "You have guessed correctly, Champion."

"So tell me…anything," Emma said, spreading her hands. "Anything unrelated to this whole crisis."

"It's hard to find something not related to templars are mages in this grand city of ours," Elthina told her. "But I will try. Do you know how I was named the grand cleric of Kirkwall?"

Emma shook her head. "No, Your Grace, I do not."

"It was many years ago – how many I will not say – and the previous grand cleric had been watching me very closely for weeks. I did my best to devote my life to Andraste and the Maker and I never committed any huge breach but I wasn't perfect," Elthina revealed. "I was so terrified that I was going to be punished and my friends weren't very comforting. I was just about to go apologize to her for whatever I had done wrong and beg for mercy or to just tell me what I had done instead of leaving me alone to go insane when she called me into her office. Instead of punishing me, she had been watching me to see if I would be a suitable replacement once she retired to Val Royeaux. I think you can guess how the next part went."

Emma managed a smile at that. "Imagine that. You went in there expecting a reprimand and ended up being one of the most powerful people in Kirkwall."

The grand cleric nodded. "I did indeed. But remember, all power comes from the Maker and it is our duty not to abuse it."

"I wish everyone shared your conviction," Emma murmured.

"Now who's bringing up certain taboo topics?" the grand cleric teased.

Anders ran up to her then. "There you are! Come on, let's go."

Elthina stopped him with a touch on his arm. "I see that your soul is truly troubled, child. I hope that you will have found the balm you need here."

The way she said it, it sounded like bomb.

Emma waited until Varric had refused Anders' mother's pillow and left before she made her presence known.

"Even I know that when someone starts giving away prized possession, that's a great big warning sign," she said as casually as she could.

Anders jumped. "Emma. I hadn't expected to see you here."

"Oh no?" she asked him neutrally. "Weren't you going to tell me how that potion is coming along?"

Anders looked away. "There was no potion."

"You lied to me."

"I'm sorry," Anders said earnestly.

"You always say that," Emma said wearily. "And I always believe you. I believe you this time! It's just…how many more times are you going to break my heart, Anders?"

Anders' gaze turned distant. "Just the one, I think," he confessed softly. "But it will be a big one."

"Why did you get my hopes up like that?" Emma demanded. "Why did you have to offer me the one thing that I want more than anything only to swoop in at the last second and take it away?"

"I'm sorry," Anders said helplessly.

"There you go again!" Emma cried out. "Why?"

"I needed your help. I could never have faced a dragon on my own and our friends would never have come if you hadn't told them to," Anders tried to explain.

Emma shook her head. " 'Our friends.' Most of us don't even like the others."

"And yet we're all still here," Anders pointed out. "I couldn't tell you what was going on. I can't tell you. You're just going to have to trust me and even if you don't, I still can't tell you."

"But why lie?" Emma demanded. "And why that lie? Why couldn't you have told me something else? Anything else? Why couldn't you have just not told me anything at all like with the Chantry?"

"I...didn't think you would come," Anders admitted. "The Chantry was already asking a lot and asking for that when it comes to the ingredients, too? I couldn't. As for why that lie, in particular…I knew that that would make you come with me, no questions asked. I couldn't guarantee that with any other story and it was just too important to risk it."

"I would have come," Emma whispered.

"I thought you might," Anders told her. "But I didn't know. And I think that…maybe…I wasn't lying when I said that I'd been researching ways to get rid of Justice. I wasn't lying about him wanting to, needing to be free of me. And what almost happened with that girl Ella…it scared me. I have been looking, I just didn't want to get your hopes up. I've been looking but I never found anything."

Emma's eyes filled with tears.

"Emma…" Anders looked devastated as he stepped towards her.

Emma just shook her head and backed away. "I-I can't right now."

"Look," Anders called out almost desperately. "I…I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have lied to you. It's just that this is all spinning so far out of control that I don't even…I'm not even sure that this is a good idea anymore but it's much too late for that."

Emma reluctantly stopped but she didn't move any closer. "What do you mean it's too late? Nothing's been done that can't be undone, save perhaps your union with Justice. Whatever it is that you're planning that you're not sure about…You've had no doubts about things that would make Varric freak out so whatever this is must be huge. But it hasn't happened yet and you can still stop this."

Hope entered Anders' eyes. Emma couldn't remember the last time she had seen it there and so it took a moment for her to recognize it. "Yes…Yes, I could. Maybe. There's still-" His eyes snapped closed.

"Anders?" Emma asked hesitantly.

Justice opened those same eyes. "Go. Anders has no further use of you."

What else could she do but go?

Emma was sitting on the floor watching her baby niece and nephew crawling around while her mother sat in a chair nearby.

"I never thought that Carver would be the first one to have children," Leandra said, shaking her head in bemusement. "Even now, nearly two years after Merrill first got pregnant I can't believe it."

"I can't believe that any of us ever had children," Emma replied. "I know that I don't feel old enough to be a mother and Carver's three years younger than I am.

"I never saw you as a parent," Leandra told her. "You were always so impatient and children require a lot of care. Carver was, too, for that matter. Bethany would have made a good mother, though. She was always so good with children."

"You speak of her as if she's dead," Emma said dryly. "Who knows? Maybe one day she will make a nice mother. She'd certainly do a better job than Merrill and Carver."

Leandra smiled sadly. "Even if Bethany were to have a child, you know that she would have no chance to raise it. Or…perhaps you don't know. You never did care to learn anything about Circles. Any child born to a mage or a member of the Chantry is automatically separated from their parent – usually their mother because if it is the father that's the problem then how would anyone know? – and given to the Chantry to raise."

"Bethany won't be in there forever," Emma insisted, her eyes flashing.

Leandra looked like she didn't believe her but she wanted to. "If anyone can ensure that, I know you can, my darling girl."

"Do you mind?" Emma asked suddenly. "That Merrill and Carver are always hanging out with me and leaving you to take care of Malcolm and Rowan?"

Leandra stared at the ceiling for a moment, clearly trying to formulate her response. "It depends on what you mean by 'mind.' I love my grandchildren and I love the fact that I have grandchildren at all. It's not like I have anything I'd rather be doing most of the time and when I do, that's what servants are for. You just have to be careful not to let the servants spend too much time raising your children or you might begin to view them as your real family."

Emma wondered if that had happened with her but she knew better than to ask.

"On the other hand…They are always gone. Near every day, they're out as late as you are and that's fine because you don't have any other responsibilities but they do. I worry. Rowan's first word was 'mama' and she didn't say it to Merrill. Merrill wasn't even here. Carver wasn't either. It's their lives, their choices and the children are well taken care of but I just worry about what they'll miss out on. Children grow up faster than you think they will," Leandra said wistfully.

"They're not going to have a very easy life, are they?" Emma asked softly.

Oblivious, Malcolm and Rowan were laughing about whatever it was that babies laughed about.

"What makes you say that?" Leandra asked her.

"Well, to begin with their mother is an elf and from what I understand having one human and one elf parent means that whenever anyone knows about that, they have a rougher time than even elves do since no one really accepts them," Emma began. "Then there's the fact that between Merrill, Father, Bethany, and I there's a good chance that at least one of them is a mage which means either the Circle or the whole family has to be in hiding all the time. But then, with Merrill, that will probably happen anyway. And Kirkwall is the most ridiculously unstable place ever so who even knows how long this idyllic little existence will last? What happens when the mages and the templars really go at it? What are we going to do then?"

"I don't know," Leandra admitted. "You bring up some very good points, Emma. These children are going to have a rough time, more likely than not. All we can do is love them the best that we can and hope that that's enough to see them through this."

"Do you think that it will be enough?" Emma asked, suddenly feeling very young.

Leandra nodded. "I do."

"How can you be so sure?" Emma demanded.

"When your father and I left for Ferelden, we didn't really know what we were doing and we didn't have time to plan it out because our first little miracle was on the way," Leandra said pointedly. "But we just did our best and loved you and the twins with all our hearts and look at how well things have worked out!"

Emma forced a smile. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Oh, that reminds me!" Leandra said suddenly. "Did you know that you have a cousin? I just met her the other day, lovely girl. There was a bit of confusion about a jewel but we managed to work past all of that…"

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