Chapter 5

He paid attention to the date, noticing it was a couple days after Sasuke's birthday and went on to the handwriting that was his brother's. Instead of laying in bed like he wanted to, he was settled on the couch with a cup of tea on the coffee table and sighed a little.

It was a little easier to breathe because of the medicine that he took but it just eased the pain that he was going through because of the illness that was terminal. Letting his eyes close, listening to the silence that was around the apartment until something hit the floor in the apartment above his. Opening his eyes and glaring at the ceiling, hoping that the person felt it, he shook his head.

Staring at the page that was the second entry, Itachi bit his cheek so he could keep the tears from falling from his eyes. Even holding this bound paper was making him want to tear up at the thoughts of his brother.

Taking a breath that usually kept him from crying, the Uchiha blinked and went n reading the second entry that his brother wrote.

Dear Diary (it still feels weird calling you diary when Nii-san said that you can be a journal)

I hate school so much, but who doesn't. I don't think that Nii-san hates it with the way he gets good grades. At least when he was in school. At times, I think oto-san just wants to make a clone of Nii-san in me with the way he pressures me into getting good grades.

I don't hate it, but it hurts to think that he just wants me to be this stressed. That's one of the reasons why I cut myself. Naruto's still trying to get my from cutting, go figure right? Like I said before, I know he hates it but he doesn't have to go through this stress. It's not like his father pressures him into being the best he can be. He just lets him do what he wants to do at times.

And because of that, I'm envious of Dobe. I wish my parents were so carefree as his is. I wish oto-san didn't put so much pressure on me to be the best I can be because he wants me to do something that I probably don't even want to do. I won't mind working at somewhere that I enjoy being at. That old saying of enjoying what you do is not working a day in your life, or does it go differently?

Itachi knew how Sasuke felt with the pressuring their father had done when they were growing up but he knew why he was doing it. Their father just wanted them to be in a stable job so they didn't have to worry about where their next meal would be coming from. He knew that when he was going through the university and having to work two jobs just to get a little extra money.

There were times he was about ready to move back in with them so he didn't have to worry about wasting money. His mother said he could come back if anything happened and he was ready to do that back then. Of course he was in a job that he fairly enjoyed until he came down sick. Now he couldn't work because the stress would cause the illness to act up.

As for what's going on with school, I hate it. I'm scared that I would get found out about this secret. I'm afraid that people would find out that I'm gay. It feels weird to even say it in the shower since I'm mostly alone then. It feels weird thinking that I get infatuated with the same sex instead of the opposite sex.

Naruto, he's fine with it but I was afraid that he wouldn't be. He freaked out when I was going camping with him and his family. It was like that blond didn't think I had the guts to go outdoors or something. At times I don't get him. I blame the fact that our mothers went through school together like we have. There's times I wish I didn't have my friend but I'm glad I have him as a friend. Even if he's annoying at most of those times.

I guess I should go to bed since I'm supposed to be. I usually spend this time reading or doing something that oto-san doesn't allow. The only pet peeve I have is that he would let Nii-san do whatever he wanted. He let him stay up an hour to read or whatever but when I want to, I can't. Why is that?

Closing the book just in time to hear the news start going off, Itachi looked up at the screen. It was breaking news and it was centered around the capital. He didn't concern him since Kisame didn't work around there.

Sighing with his thoughts turning to the tattooed obsessed man, he knew that he had to be tattooing at that moment. He didn't understand why he enjoying doing that because the one time he was there dropping off his lunch – since he forgot it on purpose – he watched as one client had her toes curling. It maybe didn't help when she was getting a tramp stamp done either.

Listening to the droning that was going on, on the television, he reached over and started to flip through the channels for anything that sounded interesting to watch. As he made it to the movies, he went slower, reading the information before going to the next.

Nothing sounded interesting to him, making him hiss in annoyance. Tossing the remote onto the table, he fell back and stared at the ceiling that seemed like it saw better days. Wanting to paint it a different color, Itachi groaned at the thought of being denied that. Ever since he found out that he was slowly dying, he couldn't do things that he used to enjoy.

He couldn't go to the humane society and volunteer like he used to – like Sasuke used to. He couldn't go to cafes around Japan and taste what they had to offer and blog about it. Groaning at the thought of his hobby gone, he rolled over and stared at the back of the couch.

Reaching over and grabbing the book once more, he flipped it open until he was staring at the third entry.

Deary Diary

Dobe's been acting weird lately and I can't put my finger on it. I know it's not because of me being gay or anything. I've asked him about that and he just won't say what it is. He gets all fidgety for some reason whenever I mention my family.

I know there's nothing going on in his family because his parents are awesome. Sure his ka-san likes to pull pranks on you for no reason and then there's his oto-san who enjoys reading perverted books that make no sense. I don't see why he reasons Jiraiya's books because they seem boring but that's what I heard about them. I didn't read them, I swear.

When I do ask him about it, getting back on subject here, all I get is him looking around for something to change subject on. I swear he needs to get his mind straight or just tell me about what's bothering him.

Itachi could only picture what was the matter with that blond he knew so well. Letting his eyes close for a blink, he opened them to stare at the pages that he was on. It was almost like he was seeing what was going on in his brother's head while he was alive.

Biting his lip at the tender subject, he sighed through his nose. He didn't have his brother any more because of the tormenter that found out that his brother didn't like the opposite sex. He still wanted to give that guy a piece of his mind or something else. But with his condition, he couldn't do that. He would just overexert himself and possibly speed up the damage that was going on in his lungs. He wished that there was a cure that would get rid of it for him.

Then there's the fact that I have Nii-san to worry about. There's something wrong with him and I don't even know. Ahh! Why is everyone keeping secrets from me? I want to know why! I'm not this five-year-old anymore. I can keep secrets so why won't anyone tell me what's going on?

I hate people at times. It makes me want to be a hermit so I don't put up with them anymore. But then I would miss oka-san's cooking. I really love her cooking. Then I would miss Nii-san's company because he seems like the only light in the end of the tunnel when I come home from school. He's the one willing to put up with them and help me if I have trouble on my homework.

I wouldn't wish for a better brother.

Almost out of nowhere there was a big text with a chibi fox drawn next to it, saying Naruto is Here!

He had a feeling that it was Naruto's doing since it said his name. It even looked like his handwriting. Sighing, shaking his head at the blond's antics, he went down to look at the sentence that was below it.

As I was saying until Naruto interrupted, I – ahh I can't think anymore. I'll interrogate Dobe then.

There was another pause, making Itachi's eyebrow raise at what was going on. He thought diaries and personal journals were supposed to be private and not in the open for everyone to see. Sighing and getting up to get something to drink, he looked over at the clock, seeing it a little pass two. It felt like the day was going by slowly again.

Walking back into the living room with a cup of fruit punch in his hand, he perched the book on his lap and flipped the page to read what was going on in his deceased brother's life.

Ah ha! I found out what's going on with Dobe and why he's so fidgety whenever I bring up my family. I'm kinda surprised with him since he seems like the type of guy that would fall for Hinata but it's not that.

I'm not sure he's lying or faking it, but he says that he's gay too. Believe it or not, he also said who he likes. I'm kinda glad that he doesn't like oto-san in that way because that would be just creepy. He likes Itachi. It's hard to believe that my little dobe has a crush on my brother. I wonder how Nii-san would take it if he ever found out?

Shock seemed to roll through his body even as he took a drink of the juice. He wanted to spit it out but that would cause him to ruin the papers that he wanted to cherish for the rest of the life he had. Staring at the aging paper, seeing what he just found out, he downed the rest of the juice.

Naruto liked him. He didn't come off as liking him. He must have found out a way to keep it to himself without letting it out or something. He just had to or else he might have exploded – figuratively speaking – when he was near him.

Letting the bound paper close, he looked up just in time to hear the door get a knock. Getting up, feeling a bit dizzy for some reason, he walked over and looked through the peephole. In front of him were the sapphire eyes that he recognized so well, along with the blond hair that seemed to be styled every day to the points that they were in. Just who he was thinking about.

Opening the door and greeting the younger man, Itachi moved out of the way and sighed a little.

Looking around the place since it was his first time being there, he kicked off his shoes and walked inside. "Nice place Itachi."

"Kisame did the decorating if you're wondering. He has a weird sense of style since he does tattoos." Itachi grumbled at the thought of the profession that used to be associated with the yakuza and other gangs. But before that happened – which Kisame lectured him about – it was for war and other reasons that men got tattooed. That it wasn't until around the World Wars that women started getting tattooed.

"He does? Ah, I forgot you two are seeing each other. This sucks. I hate having my memory at times." Naruto complained to himself as he caught sight of the journal that Sasuke used to keep before he passed away. "So have you been reading it?"

"Yeah. I'm on the third entry that you graffiti you little punk." Itachi laughed. He could barely laugh now because of his lungs. He hated that. He wanted to laugh at a lot of things but never could without worrying that his lungs wouldn't handle it.

"Oh, that was his fault. He left it in the wide open." Naruto said as he pointed a finger at the Uchiha that was with him. Sitting down, he hoped that Itachi didn't ask about his infatuation with the man that was in the same room as him.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Whatever you have." Naruto replied as he looked up briefly. Letting his sapphire eyes fall back to the book that was resting beside an empty glass and a tossed remote, he sighed a little.

Part of him wanted to tell Itachi how he felt back then and to now. He couldn't though because he was scared. Itachi was seeing someone that was willing to take days off on end to take care of him while he couldn't. Kisame deserved Itachi since they seemed so perfect for each other.

Walking back into the room, seeing Naruto staring off into space, the ebony haired man sighed silently and nudged the blond with the glass. Seeing him fumble until he grabbed it, something bothered Itachi. It had to be the entry that he brought up. Sitting down in the chair that Kisame seemed to favor, he leaned forward and coughed a little.

"How are you feeling?" Naruto questioned as if he was asking someone how they were fairing with their cold. He knew that the man didn't have a cold. He knew that he was dying because of a disease that was causing his lungs to slowly die, even with the help of medicine. He knew before long that the Uchiha would be put on the transplant list.

"Fine." Itachi said casually, his tone normal even if he wanted to burst out and ask him how long he liked him. Grabbing the empty glass that belonged to him, he rolled it around in hands and stared at nothing like he used to do during school. "When did you start liking me Naruto?"

Jumping at the question he feared, the blond Namikaze looked over slowly. He didn't get what he wanted; wanting the question not asked. Sighing and looking at the glass that was filled with a red liquid, Naruto let his gaze stay there. He couldn't meet the man's gaze now since there was this tension in the air. "Since freshman year. Like Sasuke I was discovering myself but I didn't use cutting as an answer."

"Are you saying that he was being a coward?" Itachi felt himself growl, feeling it rumble in his chest. Getting ready to pounce on the person he thought were best friends – even brothers – with his departed brother.

"No! I'm not saying that. He could have asked for help but he didn't. He was being stubborn. You know that as well as I do Itachi-kun." Naruto sighed and let his gaze turn to the man that was glaring at him even if he was ill. "I wanted to tell you how I felt but you were away on college most of the time or whatever you were doing."

"I was looking for a job mostly. Something that I could deem worthy of my time and able to enjoy without being pissed off at the world most of the time." Itachi clarified as he let his eyes fall to the carpet that he hated. He wanted hard wood floors but that didn't happen.

Nodding, the blond haired man leaned back, letting him take in the Uchiha better. "I wish I told you how I felt sooner then maybe it might have helped Sasuke. It might have but who knows. That guy was a complete mystery near the end."

"I know." Itachi whispered, feeling like the silence that was there in the room – even with the droning of the television – was making him feel claustrophobic. He knew that his brother was withdrawing and didn't do anything about it. He should have but he didn't.

"Tell me something. When did you get sick?"

"How did you find out about that?" Itachi inquired as he turned his gaze to meet the younger person's. He had a feeling Naruto found out from someone that knew he was this way.

"Oka-san told me today. I wished I known sooner then I would have given you that earlier. It might not change your condition though which pissed me off that I didn't know anything about it. I wanted to know. I want to help you a bit, even if it might not change your fate." Naruto felt like he was rambling like Neji when he was in school before he punched the guy in the mouth during government.

"Gomen. I didn't want anyone else to worry about me."

"Worry! Of course everyone will worry when they found out that you passed away. I don't want that. No one wants that Itachi because you're too young to die. Sasuke was too young to die. There's kids all over the world today killing themselves because no one wants to accept them because they're this or that. It really pissed me off!" Naruto ranted as his arm flew to the air. "If it could change anything, I would have told you I loved you in freshman year. I wish it could."

Looking into the blue orbs that were the blond's, he saw them grow misty, telling him that he was getting ready to cry. Sighing and getting up, even if his body groaned at the feeling, he walked over and sat down beside the man. "There's a lot of things I wish I could change."

Nodding, Naruto knew what would change first. He would change the fact that Sasuke died. He might change the fact that kids were dying because people won't accept them for who they were. "I know this is a late thing to say but here I go. I like you Uchiha Itachi."

*blinks and looks at how many pages* This is the longest chapter yet! Woot! I feel happy about it for some reason, even if it'll be a pain in the ass to do the grammar check on it. *sighs* Please review, alert, and favorite. I love fan art also. I've been forgetting to say that. *blinks then dies of over exerting myself on this*