Part A
Tess2645/Kdoc27
Here.
In this room, that was so much a part of our beginning...
I can't help but feel echoes of other times like this
Other times when I had caused him unnecessary pain with my lack of understanding, or thoughtlessness.
I never mean to.
He knows this, and usually; like now, he realizes at some point, and 'gets' that I just wasn't thinking about it right: not seeing it the way he would, or not even thinking about the way he might see it!
He always forgives me...
Thank you God!
That's another thing, I have Marco to thank for, I pray a lot more now, but it's amazing what I do and don't think to pray ABOUT!
Like 'Please help me be less of a JERK!'
Or how to not worry so much that I just run from one thing to the other without really THINKING at all; that's the real problem now, at least for me.
I didn't want to try having a baby to begin with, too many things can go wrong, even if you're built for it!
And Marco is quite capable of worrying and I mean that with a capital W, without the added 'hormone' thing to make him even more sensitive!
Now he knows I am still totally crazy about his body, extra weight and all, we can be ourselves...our normal selves, at least for this five minutes...
We are staring into each others eyes...and nothing needs to be said...
His eyes...
That we can still get lost in each others' eyes...like when it's still so new you can't believe what you've found.
And we 'get' each other so easily, it's almost like telepathy.
Just 'us' again, and everything is fine; there's no need to say things about 'why', or 'sorry'.
Only this love that is flowing back and forth between us...surrounding us...filling us...
What I'm living for now.
Marco says that's wrong, that we're supposed to be more willing/able to function separately, especially now that we have a child coming, but I just can't bring myself to picture my life without him.
Yeah, I know how it sounds.
But it's not about control, or sex, or anything I can explain; and one day I may let him talk me into 'exploring it more deeply'- yeah, therapy-speak...
Maybe.
What I do know is right now I could sit right here, holding him; and after a whole day spent knowing he was mad at me, I could hold him, and look at him, and time can do whatever it does.
Ellie says we by-passed 'Love-At-First-Sight', and went straight to 'Married-At-First-Glance'! Says that the way I went and sat with him, that first day we met, and the fact that he let me(a totally un-Marco-like thing!) practically a stranger do that , was too amazing!
Paige says she couldn't believe it was me, her 'hide-from-the-'emo'-side', brother taking on something like that without being 'pushed' to do it!
To me though, it felt more like pulled...drawn...like it was the most natural thing in the world not to be able to just let HIM be that miserable...alone.
I wish it could be this way...all the time, but I know that when we get home, it'll mean more to him for me to explain my silence on the subject of his weight and what I actually said to the guys.
Then he'll laugh with me about the 'giant' boxers!
He knows from my reaction to his naked body, that he has let his own self-consciousness and unhappiness with the extra pounds blow this out of proportion, though he'll still want to talk about it.
But that's o.k. now, I think I'll just do the show-n-tell thing.
After all this, I just can't not touch what part of me is still fantasizing about...
The sound of muffled conversation rises from down-stairs, and we smile...even as both of us sigh deeply, neither ready for this moment to end. I kiss the tip of his nose and squeeze him one more time, before letting him get up to get dressed so we can leave.
I got the two larger suitcases, and the inevitable extra food loaded, so by the time Marco came down, we were all packed-up and ready to go.
He didn't even argue when I took the small over-night bag from him when he got to the bottom of the stairs; or when I opened the car-door for him. I saw his lips twitch though, and heard a giggle or two from the crowd I knew would be a the door and windows; watching the now 'happy-again' couple depart!
Would there be teasing later?
Sure.
Think I cared?
My husband and I were going home...well o.k. to our leased apartment, but anywhere we're together is home!
Across the street, a door slammed.
I looked up to see a porch-light go out.
No, not everybody in this neighborhood, or our temporary one approves.
But we don't need the world.
I have Marco, and he has me.
We have our family, friends, AND fans...
Soon we'll have Rosie too.
We are both, well the whole family are all born-again-Christians...
The 'World' isn't supposed to be our home!
X
X
X
When Dylan and James finally made it to the nursery, the crowd had grown.
Family members who'd gotten ident-cards, just for the 'delivery' part, were still arriving; the ones who'd gotten there earlier going down to make sure nobody got lost in the large, rather complicated hospital-complex.
He and his dad approached this growing crowd of laughing, babbling, family members, friends, and... Hockey-Players!
That surprised Dylan a little,
Yeah, they'd asked to be put on the visitors-list, but with so many gags going back and forth, Dylan had figured he'd just wait and see.
James retrieved the box of cigars he'd left on a chair near the nurses station, and pressed them into His son's hand; though seeing the size of this crowd, he wondered if it would be enough!
The proud grandfather put a hand on his son's shoulder, and steered a Dylan who now seemed too shocked/scared to move on his own, through the excited, happy throng; to the wide observation window.
There were many back-slaps, shoulder-punches...even a few attempted high-fives, as well as 'at-a-boy's', and other forms of congratulations...in at least six different languages!
The 'Leafs who had showed up had brought their wives or girlfriends; so there were even more tear-stained, but grinning faces than expected!
Standing at the window, Dylan is oblivious to most of what was going on around him.
There is such a look of astonishment on his face; lips slightly parted, eyes large and bright with wonder: you'd have thought he'd never seen a baby before!
But any father will tell you that till it's your kid, you haven't...not really.
The tiny one, in the yellow, hand-made(by one of the 'Aunts' of course) blanket.
The same bright-yellow that was the color of Marco's favorite flowers.
The color of the blanket makes the tan-cream of her skin seem even lovelier, and more miraculous to Dylan.
Part of his brain was flipping through memories...trying to remember where he'd seen a color like that...
"Egg shells.." he whispered..
Then he caught himself, cleared his throat, blinking at the fact that he'd said it out loud.
It's funny how far away the mind goes sometimes...
He remembered that until Marco had gone through his 'Totally Fresh Food' stage, he hadn't been on a farm since his early childhood; his mother had taken him to visit an uncle who lived on a farm. That had been the first time Dylan had seen freshly laid eggs!
Their daughters' skin was the color of the lightest of the 'all natural' eggs, which came in different shades of tan; unlike the plain white of the usual egg you got in the grocery store.
Thin wisps of dark-auburn, curls looked as if they'd been dabbed on with an artists brush; her lashes were darker than her hair, her lips a deep, almost lipstick-red.
Little Angel Rosellise Micakchuk-Del Rossi slept through all the fuss that was going on in the hallway on the other side of the window.
At least until one of the nurses; seeing everyone pointing at Dylan then 'this' baby, picked her up so he could get a closer look!
Rosie woke up then, and, with tiny fist clenched tightly, let everyone know she didn't appreciate being disturbed..
There was no doubt, small or not, that there was not a thing wrong with her lungs!
Dylan drew in an alarmed breath, unconsciously reaching towards her, forgetting the glass that separated them.
Someone slapped him on the back, and said "Get used to that boy, It's your new wake-up call!"
This got laughter, and lots of shouted agreements from most of the crowd.
Two nurses came to escort Dylan and the grandparents to a sort of changing room to first, get surgical gowns on, then get everybody's hands washed and sanitized, then to a room with a smaller window so they could finally meet the newest addition to the family.
Rosalia and Ellise agreed that Dylan should be the first to hold her, but they stood on either side of him, like spotters
as the nurse passed the crying new-born to the first of her fathers...
In Dylan's big hands, the tiny, slightly premature baby looked even smaller... more like a doll than an actual living child.
Dylan had tears in his eyes as he looked down at the miracle her now held in his hands.
Marco... had actually...really...
They had a Baby!
He is really holding THEIR DAUGHTER!
He could only hold her; staring open-mouthed, as tears ran down his face for the first few moments. While everyone else in the room stared and smiled at him, knowing he was completely unaware of them for now.
Swallowing, and sniffling a little, he said, "Hey, Rosie...! I've been waiting to meet you!"
The baby stopped crying almost instantly, blinking and trying to see(at least that's what it looked like) where the sound had come from.
This shocked Dylan into speechless amazement...it was just so...so like Marco...
Like Marco always seemed to calmed by the sound of his voice.
And her eyes...
Now he saw that while her eyes were a sort of dark-hazel color, that they were shaped exactly like Marco's!
It somehow...felt... like Marco looking at him.
Though he knew she couldn't even 'see' yet, there seemed to be that same tiny sparkling 'star' that Dylan saw shining from the depths of her eyes too!
Seeing the look on his face,(and the paleness of it) as he looked up at Rosalia; one of the nurses led him gently to a chair and helped him into it.
Roselia, having felt the same way when she saw her little granddaughter's eyes open, only nodded at him and dabbed at her eyes some more; reaching out to Carmine, taking his hand.
The chair faced the smaller window to the hallway, and of course more flashes started going off, as more pictures that would never make the papers were taken: these were for scrapbooks, photo-albums, wallets and small delicately-ornamented frames; places of honor, for the child that nobody had ever dreamed would be!
Of course all this started Little Rosie crying again...
Dylan, holding her closer to his chest, began talking softly again, telling her how much he was going to enjoy reading to her now that he could see what she thought of the stories...just nonsense really...
But it worked...
Rosie stopped crying and listened...
She even made a few little 'coos' of her own.
Almost like she was talking back to him.
Marie-Ellise clutched her husband's hand tightly, biting her lips, and glancing back and forth from Dylan to James.
She finally leaned weakly on James' shoulder and sobbed quietly.
Her big tough son, seemed to know exactly what to do, for a baby!
Roselia got to hold her next, with Carmine grinning and blushing all over himself, and trying to cover his sniffles by clearing his throat... a lot!
He had never expected to be a grandfather; not with the way things ha turned out for his only son.
He'd secretly mourned the possibility, especially as bright and special as Marco was.
He was 'fit-to-burst' with pride and wonder at THIS!
Not only was he a 'grand-pa', but he might even get to be a great-grand-pa, too!
And he could have missed this...
He would forever be grateful to his friend, Ellise Micalchuck for coming to talk to him that day in the hospital, and waking him up to his son; the real one, not the one he'd carried round in his head,and been on the verge of dis-owning.
Little Rosie finally came back to 'Da-Dyl', as he would be to her for the first few years of her life.
Oh yeah, Paige would teach her Dylalyn(-dila-lyn) but thank God she wouldn't like it!
He felt more confident about holding her this time, and with her in the crook of one arm, he reached a finger out to touch the tiny but perfect face, the tiny fingers with their tiny but perfect nails...
As he did this, one little hand curled round his finger.
It might as well have been his heart...
Suddenly the tears were flowing again.
He loved Marco; had never stopped being surprised at just how MUCH.
But this...
This tiny...beautiful...perfect...heart-breakingly precious...helpless...
'Oh my great Lord God...!'Dylan thought.
He'd wondered if...
Well, how he'd feel about...
He didn't need to wonder anymore!
He would never break this trust, no matter what it cost...
Yeah, he'd die for her.
In a New York Second.
Part B *I'd go anywhere with you.
Since she was so small; weighing only 3 pounds, and 6 ounces, they told Dylan that they were going to keep her for a couple of days,just to be sure, but since Marco would be there too, Dylan refused to leave.
His family was here, therefore, he'd be here!
No body could talk him out of this, but since they already had offered to let him and Marco use their make-shift apartment when they were having serious problems with Marco's health, they agreed to let Dylan use it now.
After all, Marie-Ellise wanted to know; what the difference would be!
So, for the first few days of their parenthood, the Micalchuk-Del Rossi family lived at the hospital!
The Mountain of presents were taken to the apartment for them, which was also cleaned for them by the grandmothers and aunts, since they didn't seem willing to trust anyone else(especially not some maid service) to do it thoroughly enough.
More shopping was also done, whether it was needed or not, so that when they did come home they wouldn't need to leave the house for anything...For a while!
They moved Marco out of the I.C.U. later that day, so of course the shifts of 'visits' would start...
Which of course meant more flowers and gifts.
But that first day only Dylan and his and Marco's parents were allowed to see him.
And Father 'Mo.
Father 'Mo listened to them all, prayed with them, helped make plans for Rosie's christening,
He counseled them, separately and together.
He loved these boys; still thinking of them that way, even though Dylan had been fresh out of high-school when he met him.
Marco, he'd known since he was a small child, new to this country, but learning the language fast and well!
He couldn't help but love the wide-eyed inquisitive boy who wanted to know everything...about everything!
This boy who talked to him about the things god 'shared' with him, at first, growing more quiet during that time in all young lives when it seems like he(God) steps back to see what we would be if left to ourselves...
He was there for him when he 'rediscovered' his savior and accepted it all, began to grow in the faith,but not(THANK YOU GOD!) in religion!
That bunch over there in Rome mean well, but they too sometimes fall into error: we all need grace, that's why HE did such a thing!
No, we could never have imagined such a god.
No Way!
He knows that Marco has been a lot happier, and a lot calmer with Dylan, he noticed that from the beginning.
It had only become apparent since just before they decided to 'have' a baby that his long-time friend had really started getting a handle on his worrying habit!
That decision, to try this dangerous experiment had been a part of that particular change.
The old priest only hoped that all that they had been through hadn't caused Marco to loose any of that new strength and courage.
The day of their daughters birth had taken a heavy toll on Marco's physical, and emotional health, that much was too obvious.
The thing that he would just have to wait and see about, was how much it had affected his less open, at least to anyone besides Marco or James, husband.
About Dylan, only time would tell...
Dylan stood at the window of the I.C.U., seeing Marco through the glass, all the tubes and beeping machines...again!
He looked so small...
Dark circles ringed Marco's eyes.
They were soo..tired
Which, whether he was ready to think about it or not, took Dylan back to that night, the night after the 'giant-jocky-shorts'.
They held hands all the way home.
There was a mini-van on either side of them as they waited for the lights to change.
Dylan saw Marco looking at the one on his side and smiled: that could be them soon! Marco turned, looked back at him, smiled with him; even as his eyes moved to the closed top of Dylan's trade-mark convertible, and he sighed.
Dylan's eyes twinkled as he raised Marco's hand to his lips;
"I'm keeping it, there'll still be date-nights!"
Marco started to laugh, but the lights changed, and a car came tearing through the intersection with a police-cruiser right behind it!
Marco drew in a sharp, shocked breath; his fingers gripping Dylan's more tightly as he stared at the passing spectacle with an almost haunted look on his face.
'Would this day never end?' Dylan wondered.
He couldn't go after that idiot, but he could...maybe, ease this new tension a little.
He got them going again, and, shaking his head a little,(seeming to look straight ahead, but watching his agitated husband out of the corner of one eye) said, through clenched teeth: "I am thinking of a word...!"
Marco's lips twitched, the expression in his eyes beginning to soften.
Encouraged by this, Dylan glanced down at him and said:
"It begins with an 'A'!"
Biting his lips and frowning, trying to look like he's really thinking hard, Marco asked: "Is it 'Aardvark'?"
"Nope." Dylan mock-glared at his husband.
"Is it 'Antelope'?"
"Nope, cold."
"Well, whats the second letter?" Marco asked, his eyes dancing merrily.
"'S'!" Dylan said, glad Marco was willing to play the game. He'd find out later why his usually so traffic-tolerant husband,(Marco has never in their lives ever shown any sign of road-rage before) reacted to the speeder so badly.
"'Ashram'!" Marco exclaimed, grinning, starting to giggle.
"No, still cold." Dylan was grinning now too!
"'Asphalt'?" Marco was holding Dylan's hand in of both his now.
"Way cold...freezing!"
They are both giggling, the cause of it all nearly forgotten.
"Whats the next letter?' Marco asked, turning so he can look at Dylan; enjoying the deeply vibrating sound of big blond's laughter...
Loving him so much right now; it's there in his eyes...
Loving that he would come up with things like this to help him stop over-thinking, worrying about things so much.
"Another 'S'!"
"Aaassortment?"
"No!"
When they parked in the high-rise car-park that served their building, Marco still hadn't 'guessed'...
"No! Ice cold!" Dylan shivered as he turned the ignition off.
Marco, already out of his seat-belt, was suddenly kissing his grinning husband's neck, and whispering in his ear: "I'll warm you up properly when we get inside...!"
Oh yeah, the car got unloaded in record time!
And it started in the shower...
Dylan soaped-up the big soft sponge, and slowly and thoroughly showed Marco, with his touch, his kisses, and a few whispered words...lots of sounds that weren't quite words...
Just how much he adored him and this new, excitingly different body he has now.
Marco didn't last long...
The first time.
And yes, God favors true-love...lovers...
The hot-water didn't run out till they were done...in there.
They dried each other off...really well.
Dylan warmed the lotion in the micro-wave... Kissed each part before gently applying said lotion.
The special cream that held the stretch-marks at bay, Dylan warmed between his hands...
Marco, unable to not be touching his sweetly torturous lover any longer grabbed two handfuls of blond curls before all the cream was rubbed-in.
The kiss was almost violently passionate.
Dylan's cream-slicked hands slid down to Marco's hips...massaging and kneading, pressing them more firmly together as he rolled them over...never breaking the kiss.
When they finally broke for air, Marco pressed his face into the side of Dylan's neck; breathing the scent of his love in deeply with each
"No!"inhalation,,,,
Robin Gibb wailed about 'following someone anywhere...*.' And in that moment they both agreed with him on it...
Later...
Snuggling on the clean sheet that Dylan had changed; wrapping Marco in the comforter and carrying him (Marco stared at him in open-mouthed shock till he put him down!) to the big reading chair by the window.
Dylan couldn't help smiling a little smugly at his wide-eyed husband/lover as he changed the linen, and the speculating look in his eyes made Marco, even as tired as he was now think/hope Dylan might be waking him up again later.
Dylan was just thinking about turning off the bed-side lamp...drifting closer to sleep, when he heard the soft whisper...
"Dyl...?"
"Mmmhhmm?"
"Promise me something...?"
The sadness tinged with wistfulness in Marco's voice made Dylan open his eyes; ready to really listen.
Marco's chin rested on his hands, which lay together on Dylan's chest.
His eyes were tired...but still soo beautiful; those lovely dark lips kiss swollen.
It should have hypnotized Dylan; looking into Marco's eyes this close, but it was the sight of so much worry in them, somehow magnifying the weariness that held him immobile this time..
"What!?" Some nameless thing curled tightly in the big blond's belly, dried his throat, so that his voice came out in a raspy croak..
"Whats the.."
"Promise me..." Marco said cutting him off. "Promise me that...if anything...goes ...wrong..."
"Marco!?" But his clearly deeply troubled husband stopped him with a 'look'.
"If anything happens and I don't...make it?... That you'll be the one who raises her, our daughter. That you won't just give her to our parents...or Paige and Alex to raise.
"Marco, don't even...!"
But Tears suddenly filled Marco's eyes and he pressed his face into Dylan's chest.
"Please...please Dylan!?"Marco mumbled through his sobbing; he seemed too tired to argue, willing to almost beg.
Of course Dylan couldn't stand it; would have promised him the moon;'Sure babe! Just let me get a really long rope!'
"O.k.! O.k. baby, I promise! I swear, alright? Don't cry, Marco please...o.k.? I'll raise her, I swear I will!
Dylan held him, kissing the top of his head, stroking his hair.
"I may need lots of help though, you don't really want a female Hockey-Player do you?"
Marco tried to laugh at this, but wound-up crying harder as he held onto Dylan even more tightly.
Dylan held him, rubbing his back soothingly, letting him get it all out, refusing to even think about such a possibility.
But Marco trusted him, knew he'd try to do the best he could to keep the promise, and it calmed him...helped him regain some of his control.
"Thank you...tha...thank you so ss..soo mmmuch!" he stuttered out, slowly getting a grip on his tears.
When he could speak without stuttering again, Marco told him about the accident he passed on the cab-ride to his parents' house.
The father standing in blank-eyed shock, as his daughter held tightly to his hand and cried, screamed:"Why wont mommy wake-up!"
Dylan shivered thinking of this now.
But Marco Had!
He was looking back at Dylan right now!
The eyes above the oxygen-mask were tired...
But they were open and 'smiling' at Dylan.