Chapter 15
His sable eyes didn't leave the paper that he was holding, keeping it from turning. Whatever was going through in Sasuke's mind, in his life was on this piece of paper. He wished that he had been a better brother because he might have stopped his brother from taking his life. It didn't happen. His brother was gone because of what was going on in his life; what seemed to be too much to handle for a person at his age.
Sighing, Itachi closed his eyes and tilted his head back. Things that Sasuke did when he was growing up filled his mind, reminding him how much he loved his brother. When he opened his eyes, he met nothing but a white ceiling that went along with the color that was on the walls. "Sasuke."
He couldn't tease his brother anymore, or annoy him when he was depressed about something. He couldn't do a lot of things that he missed so much. Sighing, Itachi leaned up from where he was sitting and glanced at the bound paper that made up the journal he gave his only sibling.
Dear Journal (that definitely sounds better),
So we went on our first date. Of course I lied to my parents about it because I wasn't sure how they would react. I just said I was going out with a friend because he was going through a breakup and they actually bought it. Nii-san was nowhere to be seen and I didn't even bother asking where he was. He was probably busy with whatever he wanted to do.
He barely remembered that day. He was hanging out with his own friends, enjoying the sun. He remembered being teased by them because he was so pale but that changed when he started to get burnt by the sun's rays.
"Itachi what are you doing?" Naruto's question made the Uchiha snap his head up to stare at the door where the blond stood. He smiled at his friend before walking into the room and sitting down on the side of the bed, staring at the journal that Sasuke wrote his thoughts in. "The next few don't really talk about anything. He's just complaining about schooling and tests."
"How many?" Itachi asked as he went to flip the paper, holding where he was and saw that his friend was right.
"I think three. I'm not sure. Then again, I'm a little brain dead from putting up with Sai and him complaining about him being rejected by the model he was working with. I swear he needs to get a life." Naruto replied unsure of himself, tapping his chin in thought. Shrugging, he looked at the papers. He wasn't going to tell his friend and object of his affections that after those three, the date skipped a head four months.
He didn't know why Sasuke didn't write in it for those four months and he couldn't ask him. Biting the inside of his cheek, Naruto met the sable eyes that were focused on him but he didn't know it. Forcing a smile onto his lips, he leaned in for a quick kiss but he wanted more. He couldn't do more except kiss and hold the Uchiha because of his lungs.
"Okay. I'll still read them though."
Naruto nodded and got up. Looking back at the dark-haired man that was looking at the journal, he lowered his gaze. He just wished that he knew what was going on with his brother figure before it was too late. He regretted not being there for Sasuke and now everyone was paying the price. "Don't forget you have to meet up with him later on."
"I know. Thanks for the reminder." Itachi said and watched the younger man walk out of the room. Turning his attention back to the book, he wasn't sure how many more entries he had. He prayed that there was still a lot because if it ended so suddenly then he wouldn't be able to stand it.
It was a nice date to say the least. It was my first and I was anxious but I didn't show it. I'm glad I did because Gaara was kinda fun to be around. He just dressed and did what he did because he didn't care for his father and his father hated it when he acted like that. Deep down he was a sweet guy that enjoyed planting cacti and a lot of other things.
I found out he had two older siblings that were like mother and father hen on him when their father was absent which was a frequent thing. He envied me when I said my father came home every night, along with my mother. I didn't know that he lost his mother when he was born. I felt pity because I wouldn't be able to stand not having my mother in my life.
After the date, we walked around in the park and talked. Luckily it was a nice day and we didn't have to go around or trying to stay in the shade. I started to crack up for some reason – I remember it now. Gaara asked what was so funny and I told him that it would be hilarious to see Sakura and Ino's faces when I told them I was gay.
He joined in after that even if he didn't know who I was talking about. I just hope that I get to see him again. And when the time came when I come out of the closet, I can be free like in the movie Bobby's Prayer. He told me about it because he had a habit of watching foreign movies. It had the science fiction queen Weaver something, I can't remember her first name. I just prayed that my parents didn't have to go through the pain of me doing what he did.
But they did. They had to wake up harshly and violently because of his death that shouldn't have happened. Itachi closed the book after reading the next entry. Naruto was right. It was about Sasuke complaining about school.
Sighing, the Uchiha set the book on the night stand and got up out of the comfortable bed. He had to meet up with Gaara soon which was a great thing. He would get more insight on what was going on in his brother's life.
Lowering his gaze, the older Uchiha walked out of the room and saw Naruto watching a movie while he was curled up with a fox plushie. Shaking his head at the blond, he leaned over and tried to take the stuff animal.
"Let go of Mister Foxy." Naruto whined and hugged the inanimate object closer to his body. Glaring up at the Uchiha, he tried not to smile but it was hard not to. It was Itachi after all. The same guy that he still loved after all these years. "He's mine."
"I remember when Sasuke got him for ya. I was the one that helped him pick it out because he wasn't sure what to get you. Which birthday was that anyway?"
"My ninth I think." Naruto answered with a smile as he continued to hug the plushie close to him. Watching Itachi walk around and bend down, he wasn't sure what the Uchiha had planned. Blinking, he stared into the onyx eyes before closing his as a kiss was placed on his lips.
It felt so good to be close to the Uchiha that was related to his brother figure. It wasn't the only thing that he loved about Itachi. Taking a breath and breaking away, he smiled. There were a lot of things that he loved about the older Uchiha brother. The way he stood up for what he believed in, the way he worked hard, and a lot of other things that he wasn't sure about yet.
"Be careful." Naruto insisted before pressing his lips against the pale nose. Leaning back, he smiled at the pink tint that started to color the pale face and shoved his fox plushie in Itachi's face.
"I will." Itachi said into the plushie before it was pulled away. Getting up, he wasn't sure what was going on. He didn't think he would be in love because of his dying lungs. He shouldn't love someone because all it would do is make someone hurt when he was gone. Biting his lip as he slipped on his sandals, the older man left the house and started to the park.
Naruto was supposed to be a friend, which was all. They leaned on each other when Sasuke committed suicide. They grew closer because of the disaster that wasn't supposed to happen. But now he was starting to rethink the way he felt toward the blond. His heart felt like it was aching when he was around or thought of the blond. It wasn't like that before. Lowering his gaze as he thought about it, Itachi knew what was going on.
He shouldn't be – but was – falling in love with the Namikaze. He didn't want to cause him heartache because of him dying if he didn't survive what was going on with his lungs. If he was lucky enough to get a lung transplant and his body accept them, then he would be happy. He would be able to do things that he hasn't been able to do for the longest time but he'll be able to do them with Naruto.
The thought of it made a smile stretch his pale lips as he walked into the park. He didn't realize that all the thinking took up all the time while he was walking. It was a good thing because he needed to think. Now he just had to wait for the teen – at the time – that was seeing his brother. He just hoped that he recognized him.
He didn't want to make a fool out of himself if he approached someone and they wasn't the person he was waiting for. He hated that feeling of being embarrassed because he did something that might be funny to others. Sighing, he looked around the park and closed his eyes.
"Hey Nii-san what are you going to get Dobe for his birthday?" Sasuke's voice came floating into his subconscious, making him remember the day before the blond's birthday.
He just shrugged that day because he didn't know the blond well then. That changed but he smiled at the thought. "I don't know. What did you get him?"
"This!" He remembered that his sibling shoved a book in his face. It was a gardening book, making him raise an eyebrow. From what he knew of Naruto at the time, he didn't know that the Namikaze liked to plant things.
"Are you sure he's going to like that?"
Sasuke just glared at him, making him raise an eyebrow a little higher. "Of course! He's part of the gardening club so I know he likes gardening. He can't hide anything from me."
Itachi knew that the blond could if he tried hard enough. He did. He hid a lot of things that Sasuke didn't know the Namikaze liked to do but he learned about after his brother's unexpected passing. Opening his eyes, he blinked to clear his gaze and looked around. People probably thought he was napping or something but it was nothing like that.
"You must be Uchiha-san?" A male voice entered his ears, making him turn to see the auburn haired man staring at him. He hadn't really changed from when he was a teenager.
Nodding, he stood up and bowed slightly. "Yes. You must be Shubaku-san. I haven't really heard a lot about you from my brother."
Gaara slightly glared at the mentioned of his ex. He had no hard feelings toward the Uchiha, he just hated it when someone brought him up. Nodding, he sat down beside the man with a sigh. He couldn't let his temper get to him because he was meeting with someone that had connections to his ex but he wanted to. He wanted to know why he wanted to talk to him about Sasuke.
"How are you Shubaku-san?"
Glaring ahead of him, hoping the eyeliner didn't betray the glare, he sighed. "Fine. Yourself?"
Itachi wanted to get to business and get it out there as to why he contacted Gaara. He couldn't do that to a stranger, someone that knew his sibling better then he did. He wanted to ask so many questions that it might take all night to get them answered and by then this guy might want to shut him up with something.
"How is Sasuke doing?" Gaara asked quietly as his gaze followed a couple that was a good distance away but were still visible to him. Looking away from them and to the Uchiha, he noticed something but couldn't put a finger on what it was.
Itachi sighed, feeling the pain in his heart at the mentioning of his only brother that he had. Biting the inside of his cheek to keep the emotions in check when they wanted to spill out and make him babble to the other man, he sighed once more. "Sasuke's gone."
"Where did he move to?" Gaara questioned as he looked at the other man with his eyes focusing for anything that he might try to hide from him.
He needed to know the truth, Itachi knew that. Gaara deserved to know the truth because he was part of Sasuke's life, a part of life that he never had a part in because of how scared his sibling was. Taking a needed breath, the Uchiha looked up at the tree that was providing enough shade to cool them down and sighed.
"Where —"
"He committed suicide ten years ago because someone tormented him. All of it was because of his sexuality." Itachi answered and let his gaze fall to his lap. He wanted to cry again. Every time he thought of his siblings passing he wanted to cry out and ask why he couldn't have his brother with him today. He couldn't ask the gods about it because no one would be able to answer that question.
He didn't want to believe it. Sasuke wasn't that type of person and he knew that. Then there was the chance that he only scratched the surface of his ex when they were together. Gaping at him, which was unlike him, he felt his eyebrows connect in frustration and other emotions. "That doesn't sound like the Sasuke-kun that I know."
"He did Gaara-san. He killed himself because he was bullied. The brother that I had, the one that didn't let things get to him killed himself because this did." Itachi hissed as he thought. He wanted to give that guy that tormented his brother to death a piece of his mind, or even take his own life since he saw it was fair.
Shaking his head, he knew this wasn't right about him. He never thought of taking someone's life. Running a hand across his face after taking his glasses of, Itachi sighed. He would never do that because he didn't want to cause his parents any more heartbreak. He didn't want to see them crying silently because of a stupid mistake.
He could only nod slowly as he took in the news of the tragic passing. "So why did you get a hold of me Uchiha-san?"
"I want to know what my brother was like when you two were together. In a way I'm trying to make it up to him because he never really included me in the group of people that knew he was gay. Also, to bring some peace and maybe caught that person that tormented him to the point of doing what he did." Itachi answered as he looked over at the red head that was nodding slowly.
"I'll help you but I don't know how much I can help with. It's been a long time since we went out."
"I know this. Just give me what you know and I'll be happy with that."
Gaara nodded and smiled slightly.
I hate taking breaks from writing! *tries to pull hair out* I hope you like this because I had some wrote before I took a break and then my muses disappeared for vacation. Now some of them are back and they demanded to write in this. *sighs* I'm waiting for them to pull out a gun and hold it to my head. Please review.