Chapter 17
Coming home was one of the most welcome times for him. It meant that he could relax, try to forget Sai, and what he had said about Naruto. It still had his nerves rattled over it and it annoyed him deeply. Sitting down with his pills in one hand, a glass of water in the other, he stared at the empty room that was usually bustling with the blond.
Looking around, listening in as he downed the medication, he heard nothing. It was silent. It was unlike the other man to be silent, even when he slept he was making noises because of something. He wasn't going to tell him that he talked in his sleep – even if it was mostly about ramen – but he thought it was cute.
Sighing and leaning back, he missed being near that blond Namikaze because he brightened his day a little more then it was. It had to be with his personality or something that he couldn't put his finger on. Closing his eyes as he laid his head back, Itachi thought back a little more toward Sasuke and Naruto when his sibling was alive.
"Nii-san!" Sasuke's voice was squeaking because he was going through adolescents at the time. He still thought it was funny how his voice sounded and joked around with Sasuke about it.
Looking away from what he was doing, which was a report on the second world war, he stared at the younger Uchiha that was getting to be his height. "What Sasuke?"
"Dobe wants to show you something. Said it was important but knowing him it really isn't." The younger brother grumbled slightly as he watched his relation get up from where he sat and led him to the backyard where their mother's flowers were.
He didn't understand why the woman liked the flowers even to the point she made it into a traditional Japanese garden with the bamboo objects that decorated it. He liked it because he felt calm when he walked through it when he wanted to forget about something.
He spotted the blond hair that reminded him of a sunflower with how bright it was in the sunlight. He was bent over doing something but wasn't sure what was going on as he walked closer. "Naruto-kun what are you doing?"
Perking up and smiling at the two, he laughed. "I thought your mother would like this in her garden."
His finger pointed to the sapling that was just put in the ground. He smiled at the tree and patted the dirt one last time and grabbed a watering can, sprinkling water down onto it. Setting down the object filled with water, he wiped his hands on his pants and looked at the two Uchiha that was watching him.
"What kind of tree is it Dobe?"
"A Japanese maple." He grinned. "It's my present for her."
Opening his eyes at the memory, reminding how tall the tree had gotten by now. It definitely belonged in that garden and his mother enjoyed reading under it. He never really saw her as happy as she was when she was under the tree. It was like she thought of Sasuke and the memories she had of her youngest son as she sat under the tree on the swing or at the base of it.
Picking himself up as he continued to think of the depressed woman, he walked over and slipped on his sandals again. Closing and locking the door, he walked down the steps, taking his time. He wasn't going to push himself again because of how much he dreaded going to the hospital and how Tsunade liked the lecture him about his poor health. There were times he felt like shoving something into her mouth to shut her up for a little bit, which might piss her off a little more.
Walking down the sidewalk, glancing around and taking in his surroundings, he brushed back his bangs to get a little better look so they wouldn't block his sight. It was crowded but he was so used to it. Being in the country was like being in a foreign country to him with how rare he went out to the open air and land.
The thought of being in a foreign country drew his thoughts to Kisame. He wondered how the artist was settling in over there but wasn't going to call at the moment because of the time different between where they were. Stopping at a corner, waiting for the little man change from red to green, he pulled out his phone. Sending a quick text to Kisame, knowing it won't piss him off as much as it would if he called, he stared at the little sign that would indicate when to walk.
Feeling his electronic vibrate in his hand, he glanced down, seeing his ex-lover's name on the screen with the envelope opening repeatedly. Opening it, he read the text and smiled. As long as he was doing well was all that mattered to him. Sure he would be jealous of the next man that his ex chose but he wanted that man to be happy no matter what. He felt that way to all his past relations.
He felt that way toward Sasuke's too.
The thought of his deceased sibling dimmed his thoughts again. Stopping his stride and standing outside the gate that lead into the cemetery that he wanted to be in, he stared at the wrought iron. Pushing it open and closing it once he was inside, he walked around, taking in the deceased peoples' names. He didn't know their story.
He stopped at a name that was new. The dirt that covered the ashes filled box was fresh, telling him that they were recently buried. Putting his hands together in prayer, he sent a quick one for the person's journey to the other side. "May you rest in peace."
Walking around, he caught sight of Sasuke's grave site. He wanted to be close to his sibling that he barely knew. He thought he knew him so well but he was wrong and that journal showed it. He wished that he wasn't shown he was wrong but he was also glad that he was.
Stopping and kneeling in front of the tombstone, he stared at the etching that was done by a laser written into the rock. Touching it softly, as if he was touching his brother's hair, smiling, he closed his eyes.
"Sasuke. Why? Why didn't you tell me? I would have been there for you. You know that but yet you didn't reach out. Why did you hide the fact that you were gay? I want to understand but I can't." He felt like he was babbling but he wanted it out of his system. He wanted to scream out in frustration at the fact that his brother knew he was willing to help but kept his problems to himself.
Running the palm of his hands across his cheeks, wiping away the tears that were falling, Itachi stared at the blurred rock. Looking up at the sky, wishing that it was raining like the day when Kisame showed up, he curled up into a ball like he was a small child.
"Sasuke. Why?" He questioned repeatedly, listening to his own voice. He wanted an answer but it was never going to come. Biting his lip to silence himself, the Uchiha closed his eyes to keep them from hurting so much.
"I figured you were going to be here."
Looking over with his eyes widening as he opened them, he took in the blond hair that was spiked. No smile was on his face like usually as his arms held a bouquet of flowers. He took in the sorrow and pain in the azure eyes that were focused on him, standing out against the slightly tanned skin.
"Naruto."
He nodded and set the flowers in front of the tombstone. Sitting down and looking at the rock, he sighed softly. What was he going to do? He knew that Itachi was hurting from Sasuke's suicide, hell there was a lot of people hurting because of it. Biting his lip as he sniffled, he looked over at the Uchiha beside him.
"You really miss him don't you?" He asked softly. If he used a louder voice, he wasn't sure what would happen. Closing his eyes and leaning against the Uchiha that straightened at the touch, he didn't back away and ask why he did what he did.
"Yes. I really do. He was that light in the world. I looked forward to coming home after school because of him." Itachi stated softly as he wiped at the tears that were silently falling. Taking his glasses off and setting them on his lap, he continued to wipe.
"We can't change the past."
He nodded.
Naruto chewed on his lip as he opened his eyes and stared at the block of rock that marked where his friend was buried. The silence was welcome; it let him think about a lot of things. Sasuke was the biggest topic out of the rambling in his mind.
"He loved you." Itachi announced as he looked at the blob of blond that was in his face.
Shaking out of his thoughts, Naruto looked up at Itachi and blinked in confusion. What the hell was he talking about? Was this one of the effects of his medicine? Rambling nonsense? Shaking his head, he didn't believe it.
"No, he didn't. We were just friends and that —"
"No. Sasuke loved you Naruto. He wanted you. He loved you as a crush, not as a friend." Itachi stated bluntly as he watched the Namikaze as he stared at the stone. He didn't want to believe it at first but when he dug around in his sibling's things that were packed away because most of it was important to his parents. His clothes were given to charity but some of the belongings couldn't be given away.
A book stood out from the rest. He flipped through it and it was like a novel with the way it was written. He just sat there reading in the clutter that was his sibling's belonging. He knew what was really going on with Sasuke and how he felt before he committed suicide. He could almost picture what was going on in the pages as he read it.
"How the hell do you know this Itachi? Tell me that. I want to know how the hell you would know that when he's dead." His voice raised without warning but he couldn't push it down. His frustrations were acting up, letting him show a little pain that he had stored in his own body.
It didn't make any sense to the Namikaze that was staring at the Uchiha in disbelief. Shaking his head, he didn't want to believe any of that. Sasuke never said anything and he was open about that.
"The next time I go to my parents, I want you to come along and I'll show you." Itachi said simply as he watched the blond as he glared at him. It didn't matter. He just wanted the blond, which sounded selfish to him.
"I don't care about what Sasuke thought. I know this sounds mean but he isn't here anymore. I can't love a dead person like the way I want to love someone. You, I can make love to you. I can do everything that a couple can do because you're here."
"For who knows how long. That's the thing." Itachi added as he looked back at the tombstone. He didn't want to dwell on something that was so negative. It was possible and he didn't want to think about that.
"Don't say that Itachi. You don't know that like I don't know." Naruto slightly pleaded for him to shut up about the thoughts that was possible. Getting up, and sitting down on the Uchiha's lap, causing him to fall onto his rump, he smiled a little and rested his forehead against his. "Never say something that might not happen. Don't think about it. Live in the moment."
Live in the moment? He never really done that. It sounded like a good idea but wasn't sure if he can do that. It seemed out of character for him. He never lived in the moment, he just let time flow around him, along with the excitement.
Staring into the azure eyes that were focused on him, he wasn't sure if he could do that. Lowering his gaze until his eyes finally fell close, Itachi sighed softly. "I can't. Naruto I can't. I can't do what you want. Make love? That's out of the question because of these damn lungs."
"I don't care. There's more ways to make love then just the way you're thinking." He grinned. Kissing him softly as his arms wrapped around his neck, he held the Uchiha closer to him then usual.
He was scared he was going to lose Itachi to the disease he has. He didn't want to lose another friend because of something but there was a chance that he might. If Itachi didn't get that transplant and his body accepts the lungs, then he wasn't sure what to do. He might become lost in the world or become like Mikoto.
He shivered at the thought as he nipped at the man's lip, wanting him to respond to the advances he was giving.
Groaning at the emotions he was feeling because it's been so long since he last felt them, he opened his eyes to look at the younger man. Reaching up and running his fingers through the soft blond hair that was gelled, he smiled at the kisses. Kissing him back, he felt that desperate need that the Namikaze was feeling, making him feel a little more alive.
He missed that feeling of being alive. He missed being able to pleasure the person he loved. He missed everything that made someone alive and he was finally feeling it again. It felt like a burden was lift off his shoulders. Sighing at the kisses, Itachi cupped the scarred cheek and smiled. "Naruto."
"Hm?"
"I know you hate this but I might not have much time left. What then? I don't want you to feel like I gave up on you or whatever you're going to feel." Itachi whispered, staring into the azure eyes that were watching him. He wanted to know how the other person was going to feel if he did die but he already knew how he was going to feel.
"I don't care because that isn't here, is it? Right now you're here with me and that's all that matters." Naruto sighed and looked back at the tombstone. Laughing a little, he looked back at Itachi. "You know something if Sasuke is watching us right now, I think we would have been struck by lightning for doing this on his grave."
"He'll get over it sooner or later." Laughing, he took a breath, feeling it a little easier to breathe but it was because of the medication that was prescribed to him. He wished it was because that his infatuation was so hopeful that he was going to get better but that wasn't the case.
Kissing him gently, feeling that desire to pull him closer and show him how much he loved him, the Uchiha smiled, wrapping his arms around the other man. "Naruto."
"What is it Itachi-kun?" Naruto replied softly with a question as he looked at the Uchiha that was holding him closely.
"I love you. I love you so much that the world can't contain it." He sounded sappy to himself but it was the only way he can let it out.
Laughing, pressing a kiss to the older man's nose, he looked into the coal-black eyes that were watching him. "I love you too. Now that that's out, let's make the most of the time we have left. I know a few spots we can go see. I got plenty of vacation time saved up and Sai can do his job for once."
His mood darkened at the thought of the other ebony haired man that was talking down about the blond that was so bubbly and willing to do anything to help someone. He hated him. He wasn't going to tell Naruto what happened until he was on his deathbed. He prayed that it wasn't soon but he wasn't sure what was going to happen.
"That sounds like fun, Naru-chan."
"Hey! I'm not a girl!"
Yes I made Itachi into a sappy person but I think he would be if he was going to confess his feelings to the person he loved. Some of this wasn't planned but I like it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and continue to support this until the very end. Please review.