Grabbing Our Future, Ch 5

Jane and I had been 'together' for two weeks, and after much discussion we had decided to keep our altered relationship status private. Not out of shame or fear, but simply because we wanted to enjoy something that was just ours for a while. No matter how much I loved the Rizzoli family and our extended family at the BPD, we have never had anything that was ours alone.

As Jackson continued to thrive and grow, we were upon the 12 week mark. The line we had all agreed would be the time for DNA paternity testing. I couldn't help thinking about it more and more frequently over the last few days. I trusted Jane and the promises we had made to each other about our future, but I was worried about this test. What if Tommy decided to 'step-up', as Jane put it? Or if Frank decided he was going to be a father again? How would I make it without having Jackson? Who would read to him? Or would understand what his various cries really meant?

"Sweetheart, why are you crying?"

I started at the voice coming from across my desk. I was so deeply entrenched in my thoughts, I had not heard Jane come in and sit down.

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to know that you are thinking about the paternity tests and worrying about it."

"Now you are a mind-reader, Detective?"

"Nope…I am a Maura-reader. I'm right aren't I?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Jane. I know I shouldn't, but I love him so much…and I'm afraid."

Jane moves around the desk to take my hand and pull me from my chair into her arms. My office door is open but our hugging wouldn't surprise anyone, so passerby's do not matter. Touching my hair and back, Jane murmurs into my ear, "Baby, it will all be ok. Jackson is our son, and no one is taking him. It tears me up to see you cry or worry…please don't. We are going to be ok," with that last word, Jane turns my face to meet hers and gives me a tender kiss of reassurance.

After soaking it in for a moment, I realize where we are. "Jane, my door is open. Someone could see us."

"Maura, I don't care. We will be telling folks soon, and someone's nosey eyes will not keep me from holding you or giving you comfort."

"Thanks."

"Jane, Maura! Thought I'd find you guys in here. What's up?" Frankie announced his presence with his remarks and flopped onto my office coach. "Damn, this is uncomfortable!" He wasn't in the least phased by my standing in his sister's arms and was far more concerned about my office furniture.

"Told 'ya," Jane whispered as she released me and went back around the desk. "Frankie, you didn't just come down her to see us. Either there is something up with work that you are curious about, or you've been talking to Ma and she sent you on some sorta mission. So spit it out…which is it?"

"Geez, Jane. Fine…Ma was..a…wondering about the timeframe on the paternity tests, ya' know when are we going to do this? It's been the three months we talked about."

"Maura will do the tests here in the lab as soon as we decide to do them, Frankie. We are not in a hurry so…"

"Jane, I'm doing the tests right now," I interrupted her with information I hadn't given to her yet.

"What? Now…do you have everything you need? How long will it take? Why didn't you tell me, Maura?"

"I have all the samples I need to confirm Jackson's paternity and the results will be in my hands within the next two hours. I didn't mention it because…well…I don't know why. I'm sorry, Jane."

"It's ok Maur."

Once Frankie was gone, Jane waited a while longer with me before heading back up to the bullpen. We agreed that she would come down at 4 p.m. and get the results together. Together. We would face this and the fallout together.

Tick…Tock…Tick….Tock….ticktockticktockticktock. I'm not sure if time is dragging or flying right now. One thing I do know is that my heart is racing. We are going to find out who Jackson's father is…then what. I've been strong and sure for Maura, but I'm scared, too. I love him as much as she does, and I can't lose him. So much depends on these results. Of course, I've sorta been preparing for this over the last 10 days or so without Maura knowing. I need Jackson to be my brother. And I need to go explain why to Maura.

"Korsak. Frost. Hey, I'm going downstairs. I need to talk to Maura for a while. If you really need me, text me, but unless it is important, I'd really appreciate some time."

"Sure, Janey. You ok?"

"Yeah…we will be. Thanks." I left without another word and without looking back to see the exchanged glances between my partners.

One quick elevator ride later…."knock, knock….Maura, I need to talk to you." And I closed the door behind me.

Jane came in and sat down on the sofa beckoning for me to join her. I was a little unnerved by her pronouncement. It was very un-Jane-like. "Sweetheart, the results aren't ready yet. Why are you down here early?"

"I need to come clean about something before the tests come back."

"Alright. I'm listening."

"I contacted my father last week," My startled gasp causes Jane to look up. I take her hand and allow her to proceed without interruption. "I needed to put things in motion to prepare for the paternity tests. I found Frank and called him…ha, 'Frank'…wow, I can't possibly call him 'dad' ever again. He is not the man I grew up with; he's cold and distant. He wants nothing to do with us and most especially 'that little bastard that probably ain't even mine'." I kissed Jane's hand and stroked her hair to give comfort…to both of us. I know how hard this is on her. Jane idolized her father for her entire life and now…this. "I had a lawyer draw up papers for him to sign over his parental rights, Maur. If Jackson is Frank's biological son, I have the documents to file to legally terminate any claim he would have to him. That would clear…"

"Would clear our way to legally making him our son…oh my God, Jane." Tears come to both of us freely.

"I need Jack to be my brother, Maur. I am praying he is Frank Rizzoli's son, so he can be our son."

"But, Jane, Tommy doesn't want to be a dad, so…"

"Not right now he doesn't! Tommy is the most immature and fickle man on the planet…man, ha! He acts like a junior high kid, a teenager. But what will he do when he finally grows up? I mean I want him to get his shit together. He's my kid brother. But what will that mean for us and for Jackson in five years? I honestly can't say, M."

"Angela would help us."

"Ma would want to help us, but Tommy is her baby. If she thinks this…being a daddy would help him get it together she will support him…even if it means taking Jackson from us. She wouldn't do it to be mean or feel that it would be against us, but if Jack is Tommy's son, she will work to help Tommy be a dad."

Silence fills my office allowing me to fully comprehend and digest what Jane has just told me. She is right. As much as Angela loves us and Jackson, she will undoubtedly support Tommy in hopes of a better life and future for him. Never would that come at the expense of Jackson…at least not intentionally.

"I know in my heart, if this is Frank's baby, it will crush my mother at some level, but God, Maur…I need…no WE need this to be his and not Tommy's."

A knock to my office door causes both of our heads to pop up and our hearts to pound. "Dr. Isles, I have the test results you asked for."

"Just one moment, please. I will be right there…Jane, whatever the result is tell me we are ok…that we will deal with it somehow. Please tell me."

Jane stands to her feet taking me with her and completely surrounds me. With her arms and her love. "Whatever it is, Maur, I love you and we are going to be ok. We will make it and we will work it out…I promise you to my last breath."

One kiss, and I go to the door to meet my lab tech who hands me a folder. After a sincere yet subdued "thank you", I close my door and return to Jane.

Tick…..Tock…..Tick…..Tock…..ticktockticktockticktock…..waiting will not change the science. Science does not lie and does not play favorites. God, I don't think I've ever hated science more than I do right at this moment.

TBC...