Bella's POV
After what seems like forever I pull up to Billy and Jake's house. Billy was one of my parent s best friends and Jake has been, or was maybe, my best friend since the time we could both walk. I've talked to Jake a little of the past 3 three but I've been a really crappy friend.
I'm sitting in the car trying to find the nerves to walk up to the door when Jake comes running out.
"Bella! I'm so happy to see you!" Not what I expected at all.
"Um, aren't you mad at me? You know for running out on everyone?" I would rather it come out now than after I settle in.
"Your parents just died. And you did the right thing by coming here to take care of Amelia. Let's leave the past exactly there and move on from here. She needs you and she doesn't need a guilt ridden you." He's suddenly serious and I break down in sobs and let him hold me.
As we walk in I'm even more nervous. I haven't seen her since she was just a tiny newborn. But to my relief she's asleep. I look in at her and she's so adorable. Much more than any picture could show.
"Hey Bella, good to see you." Billy comes up behind me and hugs me.
"Aren't you at least mad at me?" I whisper.
"I don't have the energy to be mad at you honey. I've always loved you and your parents were never mad at you. You're here now, that's all that matters."
"How am I going to do this? I don't know anything about little kids. Or anything about her as a person even. What she eats, what she likes, plays with. Nothing." I'm still crying.
"Luckily for you, Jake knows just about everything there is to know about that little girl. I don't think he could love his own child more. He'll help you. He wouldn't have it any other way. And don't take this the wrong way but he is going to have a hard time letting go and letting you take charge."
"I don't blame him. I'm not sure I trust myself to take charge."
Jake comes back and grabs my hand to lead me to the living room and we catch up over the next couple of hours. Amelia wakes up a couple of times crying but Jake always gets her to go back to sleep which is fine with me. I would rather wait till the morning.
"You're going to be OK Bella." He tells me as he walks out of her room. Yeah, she has her own room here.
"For once I'm not worried about me; I'm so worried about her. She deserves better than me."
"Nobody is better than your mom Bella. I would do anything to have my mom back. She's so little; she won't even always remember you not being there. You just do the best you can and when she gets older you hope she understands."
"I'm glad you are such a big part of her life Jake."
"She's my best friend's daughter."
I fall asleep curled next to Jake and woke up the next morning to Amelia beating on my head with a marker.
"Mama." She's telling Jake as I pry my eyes open.
"Yep that's your mama, come on let's get some breakfast while mama wakes up." He scoops her up and carries her to the kitchen.
I'm trying not to break down as I get myself up and walk in there with them.
"How does she…?" I ask him not wanting little ears to hear.
"Pictures! You haven't changed much. She has a whole album of them. They talked about you all the time. But she is only 3. She doesn't understand the importance. But she's very social."
So I sit down next to her and listen to her babble about her apples and cheerios. Then she dumps her juice all over me.
"Damn!" I yell and jump up at which point Amelia starts crying. Great job Bella. Make her hate way before she realizes what a loser you are.
"Bella! Don't yell at her!" Jake yells at me as I run out crying.
I get in my car and just drive and I end up at my house. The house I haven't seen in 3 years. Taking the extra key out of its hiding place I walk in. It's almost exactly how I remember it. With the obvious addition of all the toddler stuff and pictures of Amelia. I slowly walk up the stairs and end up in my room. It is exactly how I left it. From the unmade bed to the journal lying on the desk. I grab my stuffed bear that I have missed so badly and curl up on my bed. I just lay there and think about my childhood, and the day I found out I was pregnant, and the day he walked away from me. And how crappy these last few years have been. I should've just come home. I know that they would have helped me with her. They would have even kept taking care of her. I could of gone to college and not be the loser I am now.
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I don't even move when Jake comes in and lies on the bed with me.
"I'm sorry Jake. I should just go. You can have her, you're so good with her, and you love her. I'm not good for her. I will just leave after the funeral."
"Bella! Just stop it. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know you don't know how to deal with her. But I feel like I have to protect her. This has been so hard on her."
"I'm so sorry I yelled at her." I really am. She's just a little girl. I might be a loser but I'm not mean.
We lay there for a little while longer before we head back for my second try.
As soon as we walk in Amelia shows me a picture she drew of her Gramma and Papa.
"All is forgiven." Jake whispers as I pick her and tell her how beautiful the picture is.