New chappy!

Ok, so this block of chapters- after the meal, probably up to the patrol- is very heavy on dialogue. Not much description or whatever. Lots of talking. Dick and Babs apparently like the sound of their own voices.

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING

The team was still in Dick's room, still freaking out about all the ruled while Dick, Wally, and Barbara tried to hide their smirks. Finally, they managed to regain some composure.

"I live in Gotham." Artemis huffed. "Why do I have to sit through a class on how to survive it?"

"Have you ever gone toe-to-toe with the Joker?" Barbara asked.

"Or Two-face?" Dick added.

"They're not to be taken likely, and if you go patrolling with the Bats and want to live through the night, you have to know the rules."

"I mean, first time, Wally nearly got killed by Ivy because he stepped on a weed."

"OK, here's a test. What do you do if you see a stray cat?"

The team exchanged a look.

"Kick a can at it?"

"Ignore it?"

Artemis rolled her eyes. "You back away slowly, or feed it if you have anything. Never hurt it, or Catwoman will be after you."

"Correct." Barbara smiled. Dick took the next question.

"If you see a hyena in the street-"

"You have hyenas in Gotham?"

"-what do you do?"

The team stayed silent. A hyena? Really?

When Dick saw they weren't going to answer, he said, "You slowly back away, call one of the Bats, and then get the heck out of there. Hyenas=Harley Quinn=Joker. You do not go anywhere near Joker under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Got it?"

They nodded.

"What's the number one Bat rule?"

"Never leave home without the utility belt." Wally piped up.

"What's the number one rule when bringing Wally on patrol?"

"Don't" Dick grinned at Babs, "and if you absolutely have to, duct tape his mouth shut first and tie him down."

"Wally doesn't have a very good track record on patrol." Barbara explained. Wally pouted.

"I don't mess up… that often!" He protested.

"Yes you do." Both Bats said together. "Your track record is worse than Clark's." Dick deadpanned. "And he, somehow, almost got killed within the first five minutes of his first patrol. We're still not sure how that happened."

"Who's-"

"Superman. Didn't I tell you guys their civilian names at the circus?"

The team shrugged. Dick rolled his eyes at Barbara, who smirked back at him.

"OK, so that's, like, three of the rules." Barbara said brightly. "Only a few hundred more to go."

Artemis groaned. "Is this really necessary?"

"If you don't want to get killed." Dick said.

"Or tortured." Babs added.

"Or mutilated."

"Or blown up."

"Or mind-controlled by evil plants."

"Or mind controlled by some Alice in Wonderland prop."

"Or eaten by previously mentioned hyenas."

"Or get hit by a bazooka gun."

"Or beaten with a crowbar."

"Or shot."

"Or…um…"

"Mugged?"

"Nah, seems a bit mundane after all of that, doesn't it?"

"True. Eaten by a crocodile?"

"That'll work."

The team, minus Artemis who lived in Gotham, gaped at them.

"That could happen?!"

"Everything short of being murdered has happened to me." Dick informed them. "Gotham is a scary place. You don't get involved if you can't handle it, and most people can't."

The teens nodded, stunned. This was what their little brother went through? No wonder he acted so immature with them, it was probably the only time he could act his age.

"Ugh." Wally groaned and rolled over on the bed. "I'm so bored! Rules are boring!"

"Which is probably why you're almost killed so often."

Wally rolled over again and fell off the bed to the sound of laughter.

Yeah, Wally's an idiot, and general trolling is the rule. New person introduced next chapter! Be ready!

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