I has an update~ But I don't know when the next one will be. It'll depend on how much finals this week kills my muse. They tend to do that every year x_x
ANYWHOOO. Glomps and thanks to Star and Crystal Dawn for beta-reading this for me. And shout-outs go to SleeplessxB3auty, Chuain, oztan, b4ndg33k, Aline, shadowanime1, gbrys, morbidly-funny, nypsy, SilentRaider52, Racholasj, Idzetc, ombre_nocturne, cmcwiki, p17oyDONju9n, uzamaki898, AbaraiArekushisu, war90, Somerlia, TwistedVines, and chuchootrain. Also, thanks to everyone who favorited and alerted the story.
Without further ado, here's the chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 18
This is what nakama are for
The solitude was welcoming, especially since the world seemed so unkind right now. Sitting against a tree trunk, barely visible in the fading sunlight was Ichigo, donned in Urahara's cloak. The hood shadowed his facial features save for his scowl, which was much more pronounced than normal. His legs were crossed and his elbows rested on his knees. His head was bent forward, and he looked to be in meditation or deep thought, which considering his behavior the past couple of days was the likely scenario.
He had wanted the time and space to think. In the end, he had been forced to take a few drastic measures in order to do so, like climbing out the bathroom window and stealing from Urahara, but he had gotten what he needed. At least, what he thought he needed.
Maybe Rukia was right, Ichigo thought as he stared off into nothingness. Maybe I don't need to think. But what else can I do?
All he wanted to do, truly, was to get his thoughts and emotions sorted. He was a wreck right now; he was well aware of it. He still just felt so disgusted and horrified over what he had done during the last invasion. The memories were now vivid, unlike when he had first woken up and had no idea what had happened.
He fisted a hand in his hair as the image of blood spattering over Orihime surfaced from the seat of his subconscious. Damn it. I can't allow that to happen again. She should never have had to witness that. He thumped his head against the tree trunk once and then twice, as if he was trying to beat the memory out of his mind. But I can't guarantee that as long as she's with me. That's why I can't let her come near me.
Pushing his friends away was painful, but keeping himself away from Orihime was torture. He had to fight the overwhelming urge to go to her apartment several times, and each time it was getting harder to keep her away. Despite the agony, Ichigo was resolute in making sure Orihime was safe, even if it meant protecting her from himself.
Ichigo snorted derisively. I guess I was the biggest danger all along. It's clear now. I should never have started training with Shinji and the Vizards, and I should never have brought Inoue into it.
It made perfect sense to him; it was convincing his friends that seemed to be the hard part. He had tried explaining it to Rukia earlier, but she had been absolutely adamant in her stance. Damn midget's so damn stubborn she won't listen. But I guess the same could be said for everyone else, too.
He knew Ishida would only twist his words around if he tried to convince him, and it would be the same with Shinji and Urahara. Especially Urahara. The shopkeeper would have found a way to slice his argument into pieces, which was why Ichigo was avoiding him for the time being.
Renji would side with Rukia and probably punch him, and even Sado would probably beg to differ (in as few words as possible). Then there was Orihime.
She would never agree with me. She's too kind, and I know she worries about me. He also knew that if he went crawling back to her, she would accept him with arms wide open and brush aside everything that had happened. It was both a strength and a flaw of hers. It was good to forgive, but Orihime forgave too easily in Ichigo's opinion, and he certainly didn't deserve it.
A monster doesn't deserve it. His jaw clenched as he remembered Momo's stinging words. They hurt like hell, but he felt that she had summed him up adequately. He couldn't help but wonder: if Momo felt that way, did that mean the others felt the same and were just afraid of being upfront with it?
Ichigo sighed heavily, and he slumped back against the tree. It was thoughts like these that had been eating away at him, to the point where they were physically draining him of his energy and strength. He lifted his eyes and realized as he stared into the sky that darkness had fallen. There was hardly any light left, and it was beginning to get cold.
Yet he didn't want to go home. He knew his father and sisters would have noticed his absence by now. Yuzu would start crying, his father would be dramatically bawling over his mother's poster, and Karin would be scolding him for worrying them. Then Rukia would take him upstairs and proceed to beat the crap out of him.
Yeah, he thought dryly, don't really want to go back to that right now. Sometimes he wondered why he had to be stuck with such a weird family. Nothing in his life seemed normal. The closest thing I have to normal is Inoue, but even then…
The need to see her erupted from somewhere deep inside and violently clawed its way through his organs and up his throat until he almost choked. His hand gripped the grass beneath it so tightly it uprooted the grass from the ground. Goddamn bond is making things worse. A part of him felt terrible for cursing their bond, whatever it was, but it certainly was adding to the already fiery pain in the pit of his stomach.
"Stop being such a stubborn jackass and go see her."
Ichigo gritted his teeth as his Hollow made his presence known. Shove it before I throttle you.
"Ohhhh, see me shakin' in my sandals." Shirosaki's tone was mocking, but it turned irritated again as he continued, "Why are you doing this to us? You're making everyone in here so damn miserable. It's been pouring for two days straight. Pouring. I'm drenched to the fucking bone."
Cry me a river. I don't care.
"Oh yes you do. Because you're sufferin', too. You're worse off than the rest of us. Look, king, I'm all up for being an obstinate ass now and then but this is beyond fucking ridiculous." His Hollow sighed in aggravation, not used to having to be the reasonable one. "C'mon, don't you at least want to check up on her like a good little boyfriend?"
Ichigo cursed when he realized his Hollow had led him into a trap. If he denied wanting to see if she was all right, then he would just make himself look cruel and uncaring. He hated admitting anything to his Hollow, but he had little choice. Well, yeah…
"Then go take a peek you moron."
Before he was aware he had made a decision, Ichigo was already on his feet and sprinting back towards town. What am I doing? he wondered. I can't risk getting caught. Yet despite the risks, his legs continued to keep moving, crossing the town boundaries and propelling him past buildings and shops.
By the time he thought to slow down, he was behind Orihime's apartment complex. He sighed in disbelief. Stupid, stupid, but I guess that while I'm here…
Making sure to stay hidden beneath the shadow of a nearby building, Ichigo craned his head back until he could somewhat see into Orihime's bedroom window. One of her curtains was pushed back, and in the soft light he could see her walking around her room. She seemed to be cleaning or straightening up.
For a moment he allowed himself a small smile as her brow furrowed in concentration and her tongue teased the edge of her mouth. She looked adorable, so intently focused on whatever it was she was doing. His smile grew wider when Orihime suddenly jumped and flailed, perhaps due to an unexpected noise or voice.
Tatsuki's head suddenly came into view, and Ichigo took a step back further into the shadows. With Tatsuki it never hurt to be extra cautious. His usual scowl falling back into place, he watched as the two girls conversed. He couldn't hear anything they were talking about, but it seemed to be something serious as Tatsuki was wearing a stern frown and Orihime's usual smile was absent.
I wonder if it's to do with me. Ichigo winced as a sharp pang of guilt hit him. It probably is. Damn it. Inoue, I'm sorry.
When he looked back up, his eyes mournful, he realized that Orihime was looking through the window and straight at him. How did she- Ichigo didn't give himself time to even fully formulate the question in his head. He turned and bolted before Orihime could say or do anything. He retraced his earlier route and headed straight for the woods he had just left not long ago.
Damn it, damn it, damn it! He mentally cursed himself the whole way back as he skirted around a garbage can strewn across an alleyway. Wonderful. Let's tack on 'coward' to the list along with 'monster' and 'bastard'.
He kept going until he reached the forest and was deep inside under the thick cover of trees. There he finally came to a halt, his chest heaving in and out from the exertion. I should have gone in my shinigami form.
But the ever nagging presence of his Hollow in the back of his mind reminded of why that was a bad idea at the moment. It was not like the situation he was in a few months earlier, when his Hollow was trying to gain control. He had Shinji and the other Vizards to thank for that, but right now he didn't want to put himself into his shinigami form simply because it served as an added precaution against turning into that Hollow form again.
Shinji… Ichigo frowned pensively as he thought about the ex-fifth division captain and his comrades. They've got to be pissed at me. He sighed, imagining the beating he would get from Hiyori and possibly Kensei for this recent stunt he pulled. He knew that deep down they were just concerned, but he really didn't want to deal with them either.
When he thought about it, there was really no one he wanted to deal with aside from Orihime, and he refused to see her. In the end, he had completely isolated himself from everyone. It was what he thought he had wanted, but he now found himself painfully alone.
Ichigo sighed heavily. These swirling thoughts would give him no rest, and he knew he was in for a sleepless night. Resigned, he straightened up and began walking, letting his feet carry him anywhere but towards the town.
He wandered the outskirts of town the whole night and early morning. He roamed around the warehouses, and then back through the woods before his aimless path took him down by the river. Dawn was just breaking as he walked alongside the water, his eyes never lifting from the ground. Inevitably, his steps led him to the fateful spot that had changed his life forever.
Masaki's blood had long since washed away, but in Ichigo's mind he could still see it clearly. He heaved out a sigh, his breath visible in the chilly air. "Mom, what the hell do I do?"
It was a wonder that he hadn't gone towards the graveyard during his roaming, but then again, he never came to her grave save for the anniversary of her death. If he wanted to talk to her, which he did on occasion, he did so in his head or out loud when no one was around.
What would she have said, he wondered, if she was here to see him now? Would she be ashamed? Worried? At a loss as to what to do?
Probably not. Mom always had an answer. Exhausted from all the walking, Ichigo's legs gave out and he collapsed onto the riverbank grass. He closed his eyes and thought about his mother, wishing she was here to help or give him a sign or something.
For some reason he couldn't yet understand, his thoughts shifted from his mother to Orihime. Sometimes when he thought of one of them he inevitably thought of the other. He couldn't place a reason as to why. The only connection he could think of was their appearance. They did look a bit alike; even Ichigo had noticed it, but he had never really thought of it as more than just a coincidence. Before he could really mull it over, he drifted off to sleep.
When he woke, the sun was in the sky and already starting on its path towards setting. Ichigo rubbed his eyes as he sat back up. He groaned when his back protested in pain. How the hell long was I asleep?
The sleeve of Urahara's cloak rustled against the grass, a subtle reminder to Ichigo that he was wearing stolen property. He had to return it, and today was probably the best day to do it. He felt bad enough for having taken it from Urahara, but he hoped his thievery could be overlooked if he returned it as soon as possible.
I don't want to go back to the shop though. He was still bent on avoiding Urahara, but he had to return the cloak somehow. After a minute of speculation, he decided to give it to Renji when school let out. Granted, this plan wasn't much better, but it was easier to dodge Renji than Urahara, if need be.
His mind made up, Ichigo got to his feet and climbed up the riverbank. His legs were sore, but he ignored the mild pain as he reached the crest of the hill and headed towards the high school. Fortunately, this walk was much shorter than last night's, much to the relief of his aching body.
When the school came into view, Ichigo took off the cloak. He really didn't want to be seen at school wearing some weird black cloak since his reputation had taken enough of a hit recently, and there was no point in hiding now.
He stepped out into the sunlight, and his eyes squinted, no longer under the cover of the hood. His reiatsu flared freely, and it felt strangely liberating. But the brief feeling was quashed when he heard the bell peal. He wasn't sure what period it was, but he waited tensely as students began to flood out of the classrooms and out into the halls. He saw a few familiar faces through the windows, and he silently prayed a teacher wouldn't catch him hanging outside after skipping school.
In an ironic twist, his prayers were granted, and instead of being caught by a teacher, he was spotted by Orihime. Panic seared through his veins as his eyes met hers. The fates were working against him today, for he had not honestly expected to be seen until school let out, let alone by Orihime.
She immediately bolted in the opposite direction, undoubtedly heading for the nearest door leading outside. Through the window, Ichigo watched, rooted in his spot by fear as Rukia and Tatsuki exchanged confused glances. Behind them, Sado and Renji turned their heads, and they were the second and third people to spot him. Naturally they pointed and Rukia, Tatsuki and Ishida, who had also been walking with them, were now aware of his presence outside the school.
This was not going like planned.
Ichigo considered tossing the cloak on the ground. He could chuck it and leave. But they'd be able to sense my reiatsu and follow me. Swallowing in resignation, he waited for his friends to arrive.
Orihime was the first outside. She bulldozed out a side door, jumped the steps leading up to it, and barely managed to avoid scraping her knees as she landed. Ichigo had never seen her in so much of a determined but manic rush, save for when he had been nearly fatally injured during his fight with Ulquiorra.
"Kurosaki-kun!" she shouted to him. Despite the teary worry in her eyes, there was a small smile plastered on her face. "Are you all right?"
He barely managed a nod. Face to face with her, Ichigo could feel his resolve weakening. It was much easier to keep her at a distance when she was actually far away from him. In such close proximity, her scent and reiatsu were mingling in his senses, and it took considerable willpower on his part not to draw her into an embrace.
"I need to see Renji," he choked out. From the recesses of his mind, he heard his Hollow swearing at him profusely.
"Oh, um…" Orihime turned. "I was walking with him earlier."
The same side door that Orihime had used opened, and out poked the heads of Rukia, Ishida, Renji and Sado, now also joined by Keigo and Mizuiro. They stepped out cautiously from the threshold, their steps slow and careful. They were watching Ichigo like he was a lunatic about to draw out a gun on them.
At least, that's the metaphor he drew in his mind. He held up the cloak and then tossed it towards them. "Take that back to Urahara!"
Renji watched the cloak fly and land onto the stoned pavement of the school courtyard. As if skeptical, he looked up at Ichigo and raised his brow.
Ichigo took a step back. "Oi, it's not that difficult! Just grab it and give it back to him!"
When he was met with silence, Ichigo fisted a hand in his hair. Just what was Renji's problem? Why was he staring at him like that? He was about ready to explode when he felt a small hand on his bicep.
His eyes widened as he looked down at Orihime. Her deep brown eyes returned his stare, and her smile was replaced with a sad frown. "Kurosaki-kun."
If her proximity was weakening his willpower, then her touch was all but destroying it. Ichigo could feel his arm shaking as he struggled harder and harder to not give in. "Inoue, don't-"
"Come back to us," she pleaded. Ichigo could hear her voice thicken with tears, but she didn't shed any. "Please stop hurting yourself. Please."
He shook his head, even as his heart screamed 'yes!' "No. You gotta stop."
Orihime bit her bottom lip, but she was going to be as stubborn as Ichigo. "I won't. How can I stand by while you tear yourself apart?"
Her eyes widened, and Ichigo was reminded of the fight two – no, three days prior when her eyes had widened in fear. Failing to consider that fear hadn't been aimed at him, Ichigo gritted his teeth. "Let go and go back inside where it's safe."
"Safe from what?" she demanded, her tone harder than he was used to hearing. "You're not a threat to me. You're just Kurosaki-kun, you're not-"
"A monster?" In that next moment, something inside him snapped. He wrenched his arm from Orihime and shouted, "Yes I am!" His words were loud enough to make Orihime twitch. "Damn it, Inoue, I'm not going to put you in more danger! Why you or none of the others don't understand that is beyond me, but just stay the hell away from me!" The desperation and fear that he had been trying to contain had poured out and flowed into his harsh words.
Those very words were the ones that broke her heart. He could see the pain in the way her eyes widened in shock and from the way her body trembled. Clenching his jaw so tightly he thought his teeth would break, Ichigo stumbled away from her. "Damn it, I really am a monster."
The shouts of the others fell on deaf ears as he turned. The only thing he heard was Orihime's sobs, and with each one he felt his own heart tear to pieces. Angry, heartbroken and lost, Ichigo just ran from that place. He didn't turn around to see his friends run towards Orihime, nor did he turn to see Tatsuki stand in the threshold of the side door surrounded by Hitsugaya, Hinamori and Matsumoto, her eyes as wide as saucers.
Tatsuki couldn't move for a full minute, even as she watched her best friend break down. Hitsugaya and the other shinigami ran over to Orihime, who was on her knees and bawling. She just continued to stare where Ichigo had been, in complete disbelief of what she had just witnessed.
"Arisawa." Ishida's voice brought Tatsuki from her shock. Her still wide eyes fell on him as he knelt down next to Orihime.
Slowly slipping back into reality, Tatsuki bounded down the steps and hurried over to Orihime. She slid into a halt in front of her. "Hey, Orihime…"
"I don't know…" Orihime's shoulders were heaving in rhythm with her breathing as she tried to form a coherent sentence through the tears. "…What to do…"
Tatsuki placed her hands on Orihime's shoulders, and the contact snapped her out of her shock completely, rooting her back in reality. With the surprise wearing off, anger and a grim determination were setting in rapidly.
She had put up with a lot of crap from Ichigo, but he had gone too far this time. Way too far. Enough was enough.
"Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Hinamori, can you bring Orihime home?" Her narrowed eyes lifted up towards the trio.
The young captain nodded. "Yeah."
"Thanks." She rose to her feet, and ruffled Orihime's hair gently. "Get home and binge on ice cream. I'll handle this." She then cast her gaze towards Rukia, Renji, Sado, Mizuiro, Keigo and Ishida. "You guys wanna take a walk with me?"
Rukia crossed her arms, and her eyes mirrored the same iron-clad resolve as Tatsuki. "Yes, I think we need to."
Renji glanced at Rukia and then at Tatsuki. "We going to where I think we're going?"
"Yes." The very atmosphere around Tatsuki seemed to darken as she turned towards the direction Ichigo had taken off in. "It's high time we paid the clinic a visit."
The air around Ichigo also seemed to be dark and ominous, although for entirely different reasons than Tatsuki. It seemed to follow him like a thundercloud hanging over his head as he barged into the clinic, not in the least concerned about who might or might not be home.
He didn't see Yuzu or Karin, but his father was in the room in seconds. Even Isshin must have sensed the aura about Ichigo, for he didn't try to attack or tackle him. Instead, he kept some distance in between them as he frowned in concern. "Son, what is it?"
"Leave me alone," Ichigo said with more venom than intended. He brushed past his father and climbed the stairs. He made a beeline for his bedroom. When Kon sat up from his sprawl on Ichigo's bed, the teenager shot the plushie a menacing glare, silencing any annoying quips before they could be made.
Instantly Ichigo felt worse for the way he had treated his father and Kon, and he angrily grabbed his towel before he stormed into the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him with far more force than necessary as he tossed his towel onto the rack.
As he stripped off his clothes, Ichigo let the whirling tornado inside of him consume him, too tired to fight it. His knees nearly sagged beneath the emotional burden, and it took some effort on his part just to turn on the shower and not fall over.
I broke her heart. I just fucking broke her heart and left her there. The disgust he felt at himself doubled.
When the water was warm, he stepped inside and let it run over him, the only physical relief he had felt all day. His hands braced against both sides of the shower wall, and he watched the dirt and grime run off of him. He was exhausted and hardly felt compelled to take a proper shower, but if he was going to be a heartbroken heartbreaking jackass, he might as well be a clean one.
Usually he was quick in the shower so there was hot water left, but today he took his time. After a full twenty minutes passed, he finally shut off the nob and stepped out. He dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist before shuffling out of the bathroom and into his bedroom.
The door shut behind him, and he sighed as he threw his towel onto his bedpost to dry. Kon was nowhere to be seen; the poor mod soul had probably gone and hid somewhere. "For the best," Ichigo murmured as he pulled out a clean pair of underwear, sweatpants and long-sleeved shirt. He donned them, and then glanced longingly at his bed. Sleep would do him considerable good right now, and it would help him forget for a little while the expression on Orihime's face when he yelled at her.
Suddenly, there was a pounding on his door. Ichigo sighed, wondering why his father didn't just barge in as normal. "Go away."
The pounding continued, this time more insistently. Ichigo gave a short yell of frustration before he wrenched open the door. "What do you-"
It was not his father in front of his door, but Death, and it was in the form of a very angry and very scary Arisawa Tatsuki.
She must have known what had happened. Whether she had witnessed it or heard about it, Ichigo didn't know. All he knew was that he could forget about that nap because Tatsuki had much, much worse plans in mind.
Oh God.
That was his last thought before her fist came up and struck him underneath his jaw. This was followed immediately with a kick to his stomach. The force of the latter sent him stumbling back and crashing against the foot of his bed. His shoulder slammed into his bedpost, sending sharp streams of pain down his arm.
As Ichigo struggled to stand back up, Tatsuki "helped" him to his feet by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him up. She pivoted on her heel and threw him out the door, leaving him to tumble and roll down the hall. He had no idea how she was strong enough to haul him up and throw him with one hand, but he blamed it on adrenaline and the raw energy anger brought.
He was next met with a kick to the gut, and then another, and then a third that sent him toppling down the stairs. Stars danced across his field of vision as his head slammed against the floor when he landed. He winced as his back ached even worse and his head began to throb. "Damn it…"
Chad, Renji, Rukia, Ishida, Keigo and Mizuiro suddenly loomed over him. Ichigo's eyes widened, waiting to see what they would do to him. "Wha…?"
Sado turned, and then nodded to someone. Ichigo assumed it was Tatsuki. Renji crackled his knuckles, motioned to Sado, and then both men bent down and grabbed Ichigo by his armpits. They lifted him up until only his heels were touching the ground. "Guys, what-"
"Sorry about this, uncle," Rukia said as Tatsuki made purposeful strides towards the door. "We'll be back in time for dinner."
"Yes," Mizuiro said sheepishly, "please excuse our intrusion. It was good to see you again."
Isshin could only blink stupidly and nod as Rukia led the others out of the house, dragging Ichigo behind them.
Ichigo was at a loss. For the first few minutes, he debated what to say or if he should say anything at all. Obviously he had pissed everyone off; this came as no surprise to him. However, he wasn't sure where they were taking him. Usually they just knocked the crap out of him wherever he happened to be, but this wasn't the case.
"Where the hell are we going?" he finally asked. At worst, he would get a punch to the gut or face, which he was sure he would already be receiving when their trip was over.
"I dunno," Keigo said with a shrug. "Just following Arisawa. I wouldn't be chatty if I were you, though."
Good point, Ichigo thought dryly. From here, all he could do was either fight back or just be carried like a heavy log to destinations unknown. Instinct was urging him to fight, but he neither had the strength nor will to put up a struggle.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, he didn't have to long to wait before they arrived at Tatsuki's chosen location. As Ichigo looked around, he recognized it as one of the parks near his house. There was no one around but them. In other words, no witnesses.
Suddenly he was yanked out of Renji and Sado's grip and thrown to the ground. He let out an "oomph" as his chest hit the ground, knocking the wind out of him. His fingers dug into the hard soil as he fought to catch his breath, but Tatsuki denied him the opportunity with a swift blow to his side that had him tumbling over the dirt and grass.
Ichigo's cheek scraped along the tiny rocks imbedded in the dirt. He lifted his face and gently ran his fingers over his cheek. Just as he checked his fingers for blood, Tatsuki charged at him again, knocking him into the air with a kick to the gut, followed with a left hook to his other cheek. This time Ichigo knew there was blood; the taste was distinctive in his mouth.
With a loud slam, his previously injured shoulder hit the dirt again. He was going to be incredibly sore in the morning, though this was operating under the assumption he would survive until morning.
"I've made two important promises in my life," Tatsuki said with ferocity. She slammed her foot on top of Ichigo's back, and he winced. "One was that I would beat the shit out of anyone who makes Orihime cry."
The pain in his back and in his stomach was nothing compared to the agony he felt when she reminded him of the harsh words he had said to Orihime. He wanted to desperately erase that memory from his mind forever, but it persisted and rightly so: he had broken the heart of the girl he loved.
He deserved the ass-beating he was getting, so he bit back his curses when Tatsuki stomped on him again. "That includes boyfriends. Damn it, Ichigo! How could you say those things to her?" she yelled, pressing her heel into his back.
He lifted his head up and turned it as much as he could to meet her gaze. From the corner of his eyes, he could see her piercing glare. "I don't know what you want me to say, Tatsuki. I said those things because I'm a bastard. It's basically what I've been saying all along." He spit out some of the blood in his mouth. "I'm not proud of what I said, and I won't forgive myself for it. Why do you think I'm letting you beat the shit out of me? I deserve it."
Suddenly her glare turned into a pensive frown. With less force than he expected, Tatsuki turned him over with her foot. Sprawled on his back, Ichigo could directly look her in the eye without having to twist his neck.
"The second promise I made," Tatsuki began, "was the pact I made with you. You remember, don't you?"
"Yeah." It was the pact he had formed with Tatsuki a couple weeks ago. She had promised to protect Orihime from the everyday threats, like Chizuru, and he would protect her from the bigger ones, like Hollows. "Yeah, I do."
Tatsuki grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him up until they were face to face. He tensed, waiting for her reprimand about how he had broken their pact and had put Orihime into jeopardy. But instead, Tatsuki said, "You upheld your end of the pact Ichigo, and that's all I care about."
His jaw dropped slightly as he regarded her closely. She was being dead serious; he knew she wouldn't joke about something like this. "But, what? No, I… I didn't."
"YES YOU DID!" She shouted it just inches from his face. "How loud do I have to scream until you hear me? What words will make you listen?" She gave him a hard shake. "IDIOT! That Vasto Lorde was going to kill everyone! Everyone! Including Orihime! You remember, don't you? He went after her and tried to kill her!"
Tatsuki gritted her teeth, trying to reign in her anger and frustration. "So you did what you had to do! Yeah, it wasn't pretty and some people got hurt. But that was the risk they took. You need to respect that."
He stared at her, slack-jawed, unable to find the right response. "I…"
She wasn't done yet. "I'm speaking for everyone here, Ichigo, when I say that I was not scared of you. Okay? I was more scared of that Vasto Lorde and the thought of you and Orihime dying up there. I was relieved when you got back up, even if it was in that form." She used her other hand to grab his orange spikes to make sure he never turned his gaze away from hers. "Do you understand this?"
"That wasn't how it was supposed to happen." Ichigo pounded his fist into the ground. "Do you get that? I slaughtered Ehru. I tossed his carcass away like it was a piece of trash. I may not have hurt everyone but I was still dangerous!" He wanted to scream, but he knew that wouldn't end well, not with Tatsuki in the mood she was in. "Think about it! If you had made one wrong move, I could have killed you easily. I would have felt no remorse, not even have blinked an eye! I would have-"
"I. Don't. Care." Tatsuki emphasized each word with a shake of Ichigo's head. "I don't! Neither does anyone here, nor any one of those Vizards! And I know Orihime sure as hell doesn't!" She slammed her hand on the ground alongside his fist. "Listen to me! We care about you! What happened three days ago was bloody and gruesome, but Ichigo, you're hurting people more now than you ever could have in that form."
Quietly, but with enough resolve to be heard Sado said, "Ichigo, the only one who's blaming you for what happened is you."
Those were the first words to break through the stubborn barrier Ichigo had thrown up in the days since the battle. The anger and pain that had fueled him began to die as he considered Chad and Tatsuki's words.
"He's right," Tatsuki said, seeing an opening in Ichigo's defenses. "If you'd been listening, you wouldn't have heard any of us holding that incident against you. No one's mad at you about that. The only reason we're pissed is because of your stupid attitude."
"And because you made Inoue-san cry," Ishida added with a mild but critical glare.
Ichigo hung his head in shame. "I know," he said quietly. "I'd rather be ripping out my insides than thinking about that. But I'm just sick of her being put through all of this training and putting up with me-"
"Put up with you?" Rukia raised her brow in disbelief. "Granted, I feel like I do that sometimes, but Orihime certainly does not put up with you, you imbecile."
Tatsuki rolled her eyes. "Geez, Ichigo, do you think she started dating you out of pity or something?"
"Well, no," he admitted as he scratched the back of his head. "I mean, I know she likes me, but…"
"Likes you?" Rukia had her hands on her hips, her expression still incredulous at his current display of denseness. "Ichigo, she loves you immensely. And you better act surprised when she tells you because it was not my place to tell you that."
Ichigo wasn't concerned at the moment whether or not Rukia had any right to reveal that to him. He was far more preoccupied with what she had actually said. Inoue loves me? Like he had told Tatsuki, he was aware that she liked him and had to be at least a little attracted to him, but he had never even considered that she loved him. He loved her, but he didn't think that love was reciprocated. At best, it was something he had thought he would have to earn.
"When did she-"
"Before you fell head over heels for her," Rukia said with a smirk.
So not only had he somehow won her heart, he had won it even before she had stolen his. He glanced up at Rukia in slight awe and asked, "Before the training started?"
She nodded.
"Before the battle on the dome in Hueco Mundo?"
Another nod.
His eyes widened. "Before she was kidnapped?"
"Yes, sometime before then I believe."
Keigo muttered under his breath, "Lucky bastard." Though his comment was said somewhat jokingly, he was quite serious when he continued in a louder voice, "Ichigo, you can't give up Inoue because you're afraid. You're dumber than dirt if you do that."
"She loves you a lot," Mizuiro added quietly. "Imagine how she's feeling right now."
A lot of things made more sense about Orihime that didn't before. With this new bit of knowledge in mind, Ichigo reflected on events in Hueco Mundo and began to understand them in an entirely different light. She was in love with him when she let herself be taken to Hueco Mundo. She loved him when he fought and fell and rose up again in battles that she bore witness to. She loved him still when he took on that Hollow form, and she cried for him when he was hurt and confused, not just as a concerned friend but as a worried lover.
"Oh my God," Ichigo murmured as he realized how much he had hurt her and how much she was really suffering. "I have to…" He wanted to see her, but there was still that nagging fear that she would be dragged down with him while trying to understand and conquer his Hollow form. "But…"
"Kurosaki." Ishida pushed his glasses against the bridge of his nose, his expression placid but serious. "I'm assuming you're still having reservations about your Hollow form being so connected with Inoue-san. I understand your concern." He sighed lightly, his frown turning pensive. "I'm not thrilled with the idea either. However, you can't let this interfere with your relationship. It cannot define it or set the boundaries. I may not be an expert on relationships, but I'm confident that if you do that, you'll tear the relationship apart."
Ichigo had said that, too, the day before the battle. He had forgotten his own words. He clenched his fist, angry at himself for being a hypocrite and for hurting Orihime as badly as he did. Tatsuki let go of his hair as he shakily stood back up on his legs. "I have to go and apologize," he said, his head leaning forward. "I'll beg, grovel, whatever I have to do. I just have to try."
"That won't be necessary." Hitsugaya shook his head slightly as he walked towards the group, flanked by Hinamori and Matsumoto. Following behind him was Orihime, whose face was still slightly botchy and red from crying earlier.
Tatsuki was surprised to see them, judging from her expression. "I thought you were taking her home."
"We opted for misou soup at a diner while you guys did your thing." Rangiku raised a brow at Ichigo expectantly. "Which I think you have."
Hitsugaya and the others stepped to the side, leaving a clear path between Ichigo and Orihime. Hinamori and Rangiku gave each of Orihime's shoulders a squeeze before gently nudging her in Ichigo's direction.
His heart felt like it had sunk to his stomach as he watched Orihime cautiously approach him. It was a far cry from the way she had run towards him not even an hour earlier, so relieved and happy to see him.
"Inoue," Ichigo said softly. There was so much he wanted to say, but he knew what he had to start with. "I – I'm so sorry. I should never have yelled at you like that." He had never wanted to, but his state of mind had gotten the better of him, and Orihime had borne the brunt of it. "I just wanted to protect you, even if it meant staying away from me."
She looked up at him, her eyes softening with hurt; not because he was hurting her but because of how he was demeaning himself. There was a few feet in between them, but it felt more like light-years.
"…However, I can't keep doing that." He hunched his shoulders, keeping his gaze level with hers. "It's running away. If I am a danger to you, then I need to make it so I'm not. I'll work fifteen times as hard if I have to, but I'll find a way so that form can be controlled, I swear."
To Ichigo's relief, Orihime reached out her hand towards him. He clasped her hand in his hands and squeezed. "I mean it. I won't screw up again."
She smiled sadly and finally said, "You're too hard on yourself."
He wasn't sure what it was about her words, but they made him cave in to the urges he'd been fighting for days and pull her into a tight embrace. He breathed in her scent, letting it permeate his nostrils as he rested his cheek against her hair. "Of all the things you could say to me after what I did, and you say I'm too hard on myself."
"But you are," Orihime said innocently, blinking as she leaned her head against his chest.
"Maybe. Probably." He didn't care at the moment; he was far too engrossed with the feeling of having Orihime in his arms and the immense relief and pleasure it brought him. It was like a heroin addict taking a hit of the drug after going weeks without it, except Ichigo's "drug" of choice was far healthier and wonderful than some stupid powder.
"Definitely." Orihime wrapped her arms around his back, smiling contentedly. "We'll have to work on it."
"We have a lot to work on," Ichigo murmured. "Inoue, I know I've been handling things like an idiot…"
"To put it lightly," Tatsuki remarked with a scowl.
Ichigo aimed a glare at her, but let her comment stand as he continued, "But I think I'm somewhat justified in being worried about your part in this. I'm just afraid of where it's all going." He held Orihime away from him so he could look her straight in the eyes. "Yet somehow we need to keep it a separate issue from our relationship. I'm just not sure how to do that."
"Like you said," Orihime said with a smile, "we have a lot to work on. I don't get what's going on either, but I feel like it all happened for a reason." She cocked her head pensively to the side. "Or who knows. Maybe it was just a random incident and it just happened to happen to us, of all people. We'll figure it out."
Ichigo nodded, but then he looked up and away from Orihime when he spotted Ishida suddenly deep in thought. "Oi, Ishida. What is it?"
The Quincy tapped his finger against his cheek. "I wonder if maybe we're going about this all wrong."
"Going about what?"
Ishida shook his head. "I'll explain later. I need some time to think it over, but I may be onto something."
"Onto what?" Ichigo pressed, irritated with Uryuu's evasiveness.
Ishida was saved from answering when Renji's communicator began to ring. The vice-captain frowned when he pulled it out and saw who was calling. "It's Urahara."
Everyone turned their attention to Renji as he flipped open the phone and answered, "Yo."
After a minute of silence, Renji nodded and said, "Understood. We'll be there." He paused, and then suddenly smiled. "Us as in, Ichigo included. Yeah, he returned your cloak. I have it." His smile turned into a smirk as he nodded along with whatever Urahara was saying. "I agree entirely. We should have just beaten the crap out of him earlier."
"It's certainly the last time I take the diplomatic route," Rukia muttered under her breath. "It's straight physical violence from here on out."
Ichigo glared at both of them, but only half-heartedly. They had a point, he had to admit, and for the time being, he deserved being verbally stomped on.
"Right." Renji said his good-bye and hung up. "Urahara wants us all to meet at his shop. Says he wanted to discuss a couple things, and apparently there's something he needs Inoue and Ichigo's help with." He quickly added, "And he said that it has nothing to do with Hollow powers or whatnot. It's something totally separate."
Ichigo and Orihime both raised their brows. "What the heck?" the former asked.
"Ask him." Renji jabbed a thumb in the direction of the shop. "We'll find out when we get there."
"Let's go," Hitsugaya said, "I imagine what he wants to discuss is relatively important."
As everyone began to turn and walk, Ichigo reached his hand down and intertwined his fingers with Orihime's. He felt a huge weight lift off of his shoulders and peace return to his soul. As he started to walk with Orihime towards Urahara's store, he heard his Hollow purr contentedly (or maybe it was a soft growl). He nearly made some sarcastic remark, but he decided to let his Hollow be. The asshole had been right all along, as much as Ichigo hated to admit it.
Rukia craned her head over her shoulder and smiled when she saw them walking hand in hand. "Hey, Ichigo."
"Yeah?"
She paused, letting the suspense hang for a few seconds before breaking out into a grin and saying, "Welcome back."
A/N: Yay! The angst is over for the time being. Back to the regularly scheduled lame attempts at humor and plot development!
Now, before you shuffle off, here's a fun (and perhaps scary) fact: tentatively (since it's always subject to change, though I doubt it would change a whole lot) in terms of number of chapters, this chapter marks the halfway point of TBBU. Yep. That means we've got about another 18ish chapters to go before the end. Scary, huh?
With that to keep you up at night, R&R and I hope everyone enjoys their holidays, if I don't update before then :)