*dodges thrown Molotov cocktails* I know, I know. Very very very late. Unfortunately, I hit a brick wall this chapter, climbed over it, fell into a moat, crawled out, then proceeded to trip into a field of land mines before being blown into a thorn patch which I had to crawl out of on hands and knees. That pretty much sums up how difficult this chapter was, and honestly, I don't know why. But it's here, at least.
Thanks to le etoile for looking over this chapter. And tons of thanks to you reviewers, since we've reached over 400 reviews. That's so amazing. I NEVER thought I'd get so many, so thank you all so much for it. I will start replying to reviews again next chapter. I'm still not getting notifications from here, so what I'll do is reply to them before I update the next chapter. It'll be easier that way.
Just as a last note, I know a lot of you sort of did a 'wtf?' with the last chapter. I know there were a lot of questions, too. I hope they're rhetorical because I can't answer them, honestly, without spoiling the story. Just know it was sort of meant to be a head-scratcher and that we're only 2/3 of the way through this story. There is time yet to explain things, trust me. Now I'll shut up and let you read.
Chapter 24
Meet the Kurosakis
Christmas Eve had arrived rather unexpectedly. Between the fighting and all the drama that had taken place as a result, everyone had been too preoccupied to notice that Christmas was just around the corner. It wasn't until many of the humans and stationed shinigami in town woke up that Friday and realized that it was the 24th.
To celebrate the upcoming holiday and the start of the school break (and to get the grieving Matsumoto out of doors), Rukia had invited Orihime, Momo, Rangiku and Tatsuki out to breakfast that morning. In the end, they all decided on a small café not far from Orihime's apartment. It was warm but private, allowing them to discuss various things, if they chose to, that regular humans shouldn't know about.
Yet the conversation stubbornly stayed away from anything related to Soul Society, to the silent relief of all the women. "What are everyone's plans for today?" Tatsuki asked casually as they sat down at their table.
"I have dinner at Ichigo-kun's tonight," Orihime said sheepishly, her smile nervous.
"And I'll be there, of course," Rukia said with a grin.
For the first time all day, Rangiku seemed mildly interested in what anyone was talking about as she glanced at Orihime. "Is that today already?"
"Yeah. I can't believe it." Orihime twirled her hair on her finger. "I'm really going to meet his family after everything I've heard about them."
"Are they really that crazy?" Momo asked skeptically.
The waiter came and interrupted their conversation briefly, asking everyone for order for their drinks. After everyone's order was placed and the waiter walked away, Tatsuki answered Momo, "Honestly, it's just his dad. His sisters are pretty normal. They have their quirks like everyone else, but if you just met the kids they'd seem pretty sane. It's when you throw in Kurosaki Isshin that the insanity starts."
"Uncle," Rukia began, her smile amused, "has this way of bringing out the craziness in anyone."
"More like he just knows how to drive Ichigo and Karin mad," Tatsuki said dryly. "I don't know how Yuzu puts up with it."
When Orihime looked a little worried, Rangiku said, "You'll be fine. I'm sure they'll love you the moment they meet you." She smiled, but it lacked its usual enthusiasm and energy.
"You don't have anything to worry about," Tatsuki said as she slung a congenial arm around Orihime's shoulders. "Trust me, Isshin's already got you pegged as a winner-"
"If anything for the mere fact that you're dating Ichigo and therefore doing him a great service," Rukia cut in with a grin.
"-and Yuzu will be attentive and sweet as always. The only one you might have to worry about is Karin." Despite her words, Tatsuki didn't seem at all concerned about the matter. "And I only say her because she has the most sense. I'm sure you'll have the entire family wrapped around your finger by the end of the night."
Orihime's mouth dropped. "I don't want to do that! I just want to make a good impression. Especially since last time-"
When she stopped, Rukia and the others looked at her in confusion. "Last time?" Rukia asked.
Orihime glanced away from the table. "Well, I say I'm meeting them, but truthfully, I have met them once before. I brought Onii-chan there when he… after the accident. But I wasn't really in the right frame of mind and it's all sort of a blur."
An uncomfortable silence fell over the table, with each girl struggling to think of something to say. Fortunately, the waiter came back with their drinks, breaking up the tension as he handed them out and began to take everyone's order. When he jotted them all down and left, the quiet returned.
Tatsuki was the one to break it once it grew too uncomfortable. "This time is different," she said to Orihime. "While I'm sure that they remember what happened, they won't let it get in the way of tonight. You're Ichigo's first girlfriend. Trust me, that's all they're going to be focused on."
"And getting to know you," Rukia added. "They're extremely curious. It's all they've been talking about the past few days. By the way, come hungry. Yuzu is going to cook up a storm."
"Oh my," Orihime murmured in amazement. "They really don't have to go through all that trouble."
"They want to," Rukia insisted. "I've never seen them this excited about anything since I've been here. I'm sure they're also as nervous as you are. Someone's who so important to Ichigo…" Her smile softened as she thought about Ichigo's family. Throughout their conversations about Orihime and the impending dinner, Rukia had been able to detect the nervousness hidden beneath their excitement. "They want to make a good impression, too." Well, Karin and Yuzu did. Isshin said he wanted to as well, but Rukia knew better than to think that would mean he'd be on his best behavior.
Orihime slightly shook her head in wonder. "Sometimes I can't imagine how I got here. In my life, I mean. Some mornings I wake up and I still think I'm just the girl with a crush on Ichigo-kun and that he has no idea. Then I realize that's no longer true. Somehow in such a short amount of time, we've gone from that to being in love with each other, and now I'm going to meet his family." She laughed nervously; not that it was funny, but she had to do something to relieve the tension. "It's sort of overwhelming but I can't imagine life without it."
Tatsuki suddenly snapped her head up, surprised etched in her expression. "Wait. Did he tell you?"
"That he loves me?" Orihime asked, blushing at the thought. "Y – Yeah. He told me."
"Finally," Tatsuki muttered as Rukia grinned. "I was afraid he never would."
"That's wonderful!" Momo said, clapping her hands together once in delight.
Even Rangiku smiled, this time the emotion reaching her eyes as well. "You two have come a long way," she said.
"A lot has happened in a few weeks," Rukia said with her arms crossed. "I think you two have handled things pretty well, save for one or two hiccups."
"Isn't that a bit of an understatement?" Tatsuki said with a raised eyebrow. "We literally had to drag and beat up Ichigo at one point."
"Well, yes, but to be honest I think things could have gone a lot worse," Rukia countered. "That incident was the worst of it, and it was something that was going to have to be addressed at some point."
Orihime smiled faintly. "What was so bad about that, I think, was that Ichigo-kun wasn't just afraid for me, he was afraid for all of us. He was afraid of himself, too. So it was something everyone needed to talk to him about and clear up. He stumbles sometimes; it's because he tries to bear so many burdens all alone. We have some issues to deal with yet, and I'm sure both of us will make mistakes along the way. What matters is that we get through it."
"Yes, you'll both stumble," Rukia agreed. "All you have to do is understand that it'll happen, help the other up, and you'll be fine."
Orihime nodded, but from the corner of her eye she saw Momo looking contemplative. She glanced over to see the small vice-captain seriously considering something. "Hinamori-san?"
"You and Kurosaki-chan… you have a very healthy love, don't you?" she said.
"Um, I like to think so," Orihime said, confused as to why Momo was asking that.
"They do," Rangiku said with a nod.
Momo nodded and went back to contemplating whatever it was that was on her mind. Before Orihime or the other girls could ask, Rangiku added, "By the way, where is Ichigo?"
Rukia rolled her eyes. "He's with Renji and some of the guys. Part of the reason I suggested we have a day out was so that Ichigo could go out and get some shopping done."
"Shopping?" Tatsuki asked. "For what?"
"What do you mean you haven't bought Inoue-san anything for Christmas?" Keigo said, his mouth hung open in shock.
"It means exactly that!" Ichigo snapped. "I never had a girlfriend before so I never had to worry about it! Then it just snuck up on me." He shoved his hands into his pockets, his expression glum as he walked down the street alongside Keigo, Mizuiro, Renji, Uryuu and Chad.
Renji scratched his head. "So we're going shopping." He sounded less than enthused.
"I know what I'm getting her," Ichigo muttered. "I just have to find it."
"That's a start," Ishida said, pushing his glasses back. "What exactly do you intend to buy? Perhaps we can all look and hurry this up."
"A charm bracelet. Just a bracelet. I don't need the charms."
"Then why get her a charm bracelet?" Keigo asked.
"Because I already have the charms for it, dumbass," Ichigo said.
"Are you making them?" Chad asked.
Unable to hide the blush creeping up into his cheeks, Ichigo glanced away. "Y – Yeah. A couple. Yuzu and Karin are gonna help me. They said that handmade charms would be nicer." He shrugged. "Also have a few at home. Yuzu and Karin each wanna give her one, and Dad's letting me give her one of my mom's."
"Any of the local jewelers around here would have some bracelets," Mizuiro said, not looking up from his phone. "I think there's a decent one two blocks from here."
"Let's go let's go!" Keigo shouted as he ran past them. "The sooner we get this done the better! Then we can eat!"
Ichigo rolled his eyes as he shuffled after Keigo, his friends following him. Keigo eventually slowed down, letting them catch up to him. When they approached the jeweler's, Ichigo went right inside as the others waited outside. It was a short trip. He immediately went up to the counter, asked to look at some bracelets, and within five minutes had made a purchase. Admittedly, it was a bit of a hit to his wallet, but it wasn't nearly as much as he was expecting.
He walked out of the store and nodded to his friends. "Done."
"That was quick," Ishida noted. "Did you even look?"
"Yes," Ichigo said through gritted teeth. He pulled out the bracelet for inspection. "Here."
The Quincy took the proffered bracelet and examined it closely. "Small chains?"
"The bigger ones would just look bad on her," Ichigo retorted.
"I agree. Her wrists are smaller so it would look rather ridiculous if she wore a bracelet with large chains." He handed it back to Ichigo. "Not bad."
"Gee, glad I have your approval," Ichigo muttered dryly as he carefully put the bracelet back into the bag. "If we're done scrutinizing my purchases, can we get going?"
"You're the one who had to do the last minute shopping," Ishida said.
"Shove it. At least I knew what I wanted to get her. I just… sort of forgot about it."
"I suppose that's a step in the right direction." Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ishida mumbled, "I swear though, I don't understand what she sees in you sometimes."
Whether he intended for Ichigo to hear or not was debatable, but if he did, he certainly didn't get the response he was expecting. Instead of flying off the handle, Ichigo merely shrugged and said, "Hell if I know. I don't even know why she likes me sometimes, let alone loves me."
While Ichigo's comment had intended to be nonchalant, it certainly surprised the other guys. Mizuiro actually looked up from his phone and said, "She told you?"
"What? Oh." With his shoulders hunched he said, "Yeah."
Ishida's eyes narrowed. "Kurosaki-"
"Yes I freaking told her!" Ichigo snapped, knowing immediately what Ishida was going to say. "Geez, I'm not that tactless. Hell, I'm the one who said it first!"
"It's about time," Renji said with a raised eyebrow.
"Tch." Ichigo looked ahead, his scowl returning. "You're one to talk."
Renji immediately stopped in his tracks. "What?" he barked, his tone harsh.
The unexpected shift in tone had the others pausing in their steps. Ichigo stopped as well, though he was still looking straight ahead. "I said, you're one to talk."
When his words were met with silence, he sighed and said, "I don't know how… maybe it's from being in a relationship, but I've started noticing stuff like that. I've always known you two were close, and maybe somewhere along the way I started suspecting but…" He scratched the back of his head. "Hell, maybe it's because I was in the same spot just a couple weeks ago."
Renji frowned, trying to mask his surprise from earlier. "What're you-"
"Don't play stupid. Yeah, it might have taken me a bit to tell Orihime, but you've made Rukia wait forty years and counting. You don't have much room to talk."
"It's not that simple, Ichigo," Renji said in a low voice, surprising the other guys by admitting to what Ichigo was suggesting. "Things aren't as simple in Soul Society as they are here."
Ichigo let out a bark of laughter, though there was no humor behind it. "You think things are simple here? That's debatable, but whatever. I know what you're getting at. Byakuya doesn't have any right to stand between you and Rukia."
"He's my captain."
"This isn't a shinigami thing. This is personal. And yeah, I know he's also Rukia's older brother and the head of a noble clan. So what?" For the first time since their exchange began, Ichigo looked over his shoulder at Renji, his eyes hard. "You're a vice-captain. Doesn't that make you on par with the nobles?"
Renji nearly gawked. "How the hell do you know about that?"
"Rukia's told me a lot about Soul Society, even stuff I didn't really care to know about." When Renji looked away, Ichigo's mouth fell into a determined line. "If you don't feel like you're on her level yet, then become a captain. You have bankai, so you can pass the test. If you're a captain then Byakuya can't dispute it no matter what he might think."
Ichigo turned back around, shouldering the jewelry store bag. "You're not some dog from the slums anymore; you're a vice-captain. Act like one." He began walking, his pace slow. "Besides, didn't Byakuya marry a commoner? I don't think he has much room to gripe then. Who knows; the uptight ass might even surprise you." Shoving his free hand into his pocket, he continued, "You owe it to her to try at least. Now let's get something to eat. I'm starving."
Thoughtful conversations and Ichigo being surprisingly acute aside, the rest of the morning passed rather uneventfully for both parties. Breakfast was eaten and lighter conversations were had (though Renji remained suspiciously silent throughout most of the meal). By noon the groups had split up and everyone had gone to their respective homes or the places they were staying at.
Ichigo hadn't stayed home long. He literally walked in the door, went up to his room, deposited Orihime's gift in a safe hiding place, gone back downstairs and shouted he'd be back later. He had almost made it out the door when Yuzu popped her head out of the kitchen and made Ichigo promise that he would be back for dinner and yes, Orihime would also be with him.
He was out of there in a blink of an eye and he hurried towards Orihime's house, determined to squeeze out a few peaceful hours with her before he brought her into the insanity that was his household later that night. Orihime had no idea what she was getting herself into, and Ichigo only had himself to blame for that. If he had just remembered his damn key, or even bothered to climb in through his bedroom window, this wouldn't be happening.
He wished that this was all happening a few months (at the very least) down the line. He had wanted to stabilize their relationship and go at their own pace before throwing her at his family. He knew the meeting was inevitable, just not so soon. Again, he had only himself to blame – or did he?
If his Hollow hadn't snuck off into Orihime's mind and scared the shit out of her, Ichigo would never have had to run to her house like the sometimes (read as: always) overprotective, worrywart of a boyfriend he was. If he hadn't had to sneak out to make sure she was okay, then he would never have had to sneak back in and this dinner wouldn't be happening. In short, it was his Hollow's fault and he was more than happy to place the blame on it.
"Thanks, King," the Hollow retorted dryly from somewhere in the deep reaches of Ichigo's mind.
He told his Hollow to shove off, being in no mood to deal with him. Although tonight promised insanity and likely embarrassment, at least he would be doing something (relatively) normal. His girlfriend was meeting his family. That was about as normal and commonplace as one could get. Even though in some ways he dreaded tonight, he was looking forward to the normalcy of it all, for his worries to be centered on something that was average and mundane for a change.
It would also help keep his mind off the violent sociopath that he shared a soul with. Although things had quieted down within the past week, he could feel his Hollow begin to stir more. It was faint and easy to miss, but ever since the battle with the Vasto Lorde he had been keeping a much sharper eye - and ear - on his Hollow. He refused to allow a repeat of what happened in the days before that battle and the way he nearly lost control of his actions. Ichigo didn't want to put Orihime and the others through that again.
His thoughts were driving his feet; Ichigo barely noticed that he had just passed the only genuine Portuguese restaurant in town: a sign that he was close to Orihime's apartment complex. His pace continued as its usual quick rate, even as the complex began to loom in the distance. He couldn't believe how quickly he had gotten here, not that he minded. Every extra minute gained was another spent with Orihime. They would be peaceful minutes, he swore to himself as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets. He wasn't going to burden her with his concerns about his Hollow - not now. He would have to tell her eventually; she'd only be more hurt if he didn't. But tonight was for him and her and his crazy family that for some reason she was really excited to meet.
He jogged up the stairs to the second level, trying to fight the cold out of his body. As he turned the corner, he was surprised to find someone leaning against the railing just up ahead, and his surprise doubled when he realized it was Orihime. She was staring out over the railing at the town, her gaze focused on something in the distance. She shivered in the cold, and the trembling snapped Ichigo out of his daze. "Orihime?"
She turned, and she smiled the moment their eyes met. "Ah! Ichigo-kun!"
"What are you doing out here?" he asked as he walked up towards her. His overprotective streak kicked in and he wrapped his arms around her to warm her up. "It's freezing."
"I wanted some fresh air," she said against his coat. "and I thought it'd be nice to meet you outside."
He shook his head at her. Sometimes she absolutely baffled him. "You didn't have to do that. It's too cold outside."
"But I wanted to," she said with a pout.
His lips turned upwards and he pressed his forehead against hers. "What am I going to do with you?"
She flushed faintly, the tint in her cheeks matching the pink on her nose and ears. "Hopefully not wrap me up and send me to Siberia?"
Ichigo's brow furrowed in confusion. Scratch sometimes, she almost always baffled him. "Send you to - if I'm going to wrap you up, it's going to be in a blanket and if I'm sending you anywhere, it's going to be my house."
Orihime blinked, and it was Ichigo's turn to flush. "Er, well, I mean - we're going there tonight anyway so it'd just, uh, make sense. Not that I'd - well..."
She began laughing. It shook her whole frame; first in her shoulders, spreading to her back and arms, and finally her entire body was overcome as she buried her face into his chest.
"You're laughing at me," he said in a mock hurt tone, despite the deep flush on his face.
"Would you unwrap me and go 'Look! I got an Orihime in the mail!'?"
"I don't think it'd go quite like that..."
"Then you'd pick me up and show me to your sisters and father-"
"I definitely would not show him," Ichigo muttered.
"-and then you'd take me up to your room and..."
He raised an eyebrow expectantly. "And I'd what?"
"Um..." She had put herself in a rather awkward position, because almost anything she'd suggest at this point would be, well... suggestive. "We could, um... study!"
"Study?" Ichigo was surprised at the disappointment in his voice.
"Sure!" Orihime beamed, hiding the embarrassment.
"Why would I get something in the mail and be excited if we just studied?" he asked.
Orihime's face fell a bit, and Ichigo wanted to smack himself on the head. That just sounded rotten, he chided himself as he quickly fought to make up for his unintentional harsh words. "I mean, if we studied something stupid like, uh, geometry it'd be boring but anything else might be fun." Yeah, some save, he thought with a mental eye roll. All you managed to do was make yourself like an idiot.
"It's okay," Orihime said as she watched him struggle. "I guess a study partner in the mail would be kind of boring."
Deciding to turn the subject around, he said, "What would you do if you got me in the mail?" This was completely ignoring the fact that the subject in question was hypothetical at best and ridiculously weird at worst. Maybe she was starting to rub off on him.
To his surprise, Orihime smiled slyly. "Why, I'd unwrap you of course."
"And then?" He tilted his head slightly to the side. Was that ... mischief in her eyes?
"Eat you up," she said, standing on her tip toes and nibbling lightly on his ear. "Because strawberries in the mail are yummy."
Normally being called a strawberry would have been met with instant protest and anger on Ichigo's part, but there was something rather cute when his girlfriend called him that. He was having a hard time working up any will to be offended. Then again, the way she was sucking on his earlobe wasn't helping either.
"Come on," she said as she tugged on his hand and pulled him inside. "I'll eat you up inside, where it's warmer."
Unused to Orihime being this forward (he couldn't help but wonder if it was some combination of nerves and excitement for tonight that was doing this to her), Ichigo blushed as he was pulled along with her, half-dazed from her earlier words. What am I going to do with her?
The dread Ichigo felt for tonight was rivaled in intensity by the excitement shared in the Kurosaki household. It had been faint at the start of the day, but as the hours passed and dinnertime neared, it became tangible, like a static charge in the air. By the time it was 5:30, merely a half hour before dinner, it had stirred half of the clinic's occupants into a frenzy and the other half into quiet amusement.
Yuzu was, as promised, cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Karin could smell the sweet potatoes from her perch on the couch. Karin had never been a big fan of them, but since it was Orihime's favorite, that's what they were having; Yuzu wouldn't have it any other way. Not that Karin minded, since there would also be teriyaki chicken and rice and whatever the heck else Yuzu was cooking in there.
"You sure you don't need help, Yuzu?" Karin said in a loud enough of a voice. Normally she didn't bother much with the kitchen but she figured with the amount of cooking Yuzu was doing, she should at least ask, even though Rukia had already offered twice.
As expected, Yuzu shouted back, "It's fine! I'm almost done anyway!"
"Geez," Karin murmured as she turned back around in her seat. "Everyone's getting so worked up about this. Well…" She stole a glance towards the stairs. "Goatchin and Yuzu are. She's calm, too, at least," she said, referring to Rukia who was currently getting changed into something more "appropriate" for dinner, as she put it. Karin didn't know what it was about Rukia, but sometimes she felt like that girl belonged in another time.
Although Isshin's overexcitement and Yuzu's nervousness usually irritated Karin, this time around she could at least understand why. It was a long time since anything notable had really happened in their family. Sure, Ichigo had started high school not that long ago so it was something to celebrate, but that was just a milestone. However, this was Ichigo's first girlfriend: that was something worth getting remotely excited about, or at least, something notable enough to pique her curiosity.
Feeling pensive, Karin turned towards the poster of Masaki and murmured, "He's bringing home a girl, Mom. Can you believe it?"
It was times like these when she missed her mother the most. All the great moments of their family would never be quite right without her. Karin smiled sadly as she rested her arms on the back of the couch. "Think she'll like us?"
Isshin barged in from the clinic. "Finally closed for the night!" he said in a sing-song voice as he pranced up the stairs. "Daddy needs to get spiffied up!"
Her reverie broken, Karin's usual sardonic attitude returned. "Don't even think about wearing that stupid polka-dot shirt of yours!" she shouted after him.
"But it's Daddy's sexiest shirt!" Isshin protested. "I must look my best!"
"You're meeting your son's girlfriend. You're supposed to look like an old man and not like you're taking her out!"
"Daddy!" Yuzu called before Isshin could retaliate. "If you want to look nice, wear that pin-striped shirt of yours."
"Ah! Good thinking, Yuzu!" Isshin shot up the stairs like a bullet to get changed.
Karin sighed in relief. At least Isshin wouldn't look like a total idiot, though his behavior would more than make up for it. "Scratch what I said earlier," Karin said, glancing at the poster again. "Do you think she'll like Yuzu and I, at least?"
She heard footsteps from upstairs. Initially she thought it was Isshin, but they were lighter than his. Must be Rukia then, she thought. Sure enough, Rukia descended the steps just seconds later, donned in a white and blue dress. Her smile widened as she said, "I saw them coming down the sidewalk. They'll be here in a few minutes."
Yuzu screeched, though Karin wasn't sure if it was in excitement or surprise. "Oh my – the food's not done yet!"
"Relax," Karin said as she got up from her seat. "They're a little early."
Rukia turned back towards the stairs and shouted, "Hurry, uncle! They're almost here!"
There was a distinct crash, followed by a – well, Karin wasn't sure what sound her father had made but it was something of a cross between a screech and a scream. She rolled her eyes as she strolled into the kitchen to get herself something to drink. As she pulled out some juice from the fridge, she spotted a bottle of sake tucked into the corner on the counter next to her. She smirked; it was tempting, but then she realized her brother was probably going to need it more than she would.
Rukia ducked her head into the kitchen, presumably to offer her help one last time when she caught Karin eyeing the sake. "Aren't you still a bit young?" she asked.
"I was thinking more for Ichi-nii," Karin said as she poured herself a glass of juice.
Snorting, Rukia said, "I don't think there's enough alcohol in this city to get Ichigo through tonight."
Isshin came thundering down the stairs not even a minute later, and struck a dramatic pose for the girls of his house. "What do you think? Isn't Daddy dashing?"
Karin and Rukia, who had taken their seats at the table, glanced at him. Along with his pin-striped shirt, Isshin had donned pants that slightly flared out at the bottom. Karin couldn't help but notice they suspiciously resembled bell-bottoms, though they more than likely – or at least she hoped – they weren't.
Rukia nodded appreciatively. "It suits you."
"You look like something from the sixties," Karin added drolly.
"Daddy was at his prime in the sixties!"
Rukia and Karin exchanged puzzled glances. "Uh, uncle," Rukia said, "wouldn't you have been at the most a child in the sixties?"
Isshin blinked before he held out his hands and started counting on his fingers as if trying to figure out the math. "Or maybe it was the seventies…" he muttered.
Karin was mustering up a remark when the doorknob suddenly turned. For a brief second, everyone in the room, even Isshin, froze. Karin heard Yuzu drop a spoon onto the counter, the distinct clatter reaching her ears.
The door opened, and Ichigo poked his head inside. When his gaze met his father's, he glared. "Stay where you are. None of your stupid 'Super Isshin Kicks', got it?"
Not giving Isshin the chance to argue, Ichigo stepped inside and kicked off his shoes. He turned towards the door and held out his hands. "Here, I'll carry it for a second."
A pair of small hands handed Ichigo a medium-sized food container (from the shape and size, Karin surmised there was a cake of some sort inside). Ichigo stepped back, smiling slightly as a pair of legs came into view. Their owner pulled off a pair of mint green flats and carefully set them next to Ichigo's shoes as he kicked his off.
Ichigo stepped around and closed the door behind them. Throwing a glance over his shoulder, he sighed before stepping to the side and no longer obstructing the rest of the family's view.
Karin raised her brow slightly, though she hid any other outward signs of her surprise. She had heard plenty about Inoue Orihime, even in her elementary school. In a rare case, the rumors were pretty spot-on.
Orihime was no doubt a beauty. Her auburn hair – slightly similar to Ichigo's but of a less offensive shade – was swept back into a partial bun, securely fastened with a clip in the back. The rest of her long hair was draped over her shoulders. There were also a pair of clips by her temples, but the rest of her remained unadorned with any jewelry or make up. Still, she was lovely without them.
Understandably nervous, she glanced up at Ichigo, forcing a smile to her lips.
"Orihime," He nodded towards Karin. "That's my sister, Karin, and Yuzu is-"
"Right here." Yuzu poked her head out, a wide smile brightening her features.
"And you know her," Ichigo said with a roll of his eyes as he gestured towards Rukia.
In return, Rukia gave him a sharp yet half-hearted glare. "Good to see you again, Orihime," she said, never taking her gaze off of Ichigo.
Ichigo's gaze finally rested on Isshin, and he made no effort to hide the dread in his voice as he finished, "And the moron with the stupid beard is my father."
"That is no way to introduce your lovable father!" Isshin cried out dramatically. He dashed over to Orihime to "properly" introduce himself. "I am Kurosaki Isshin, head of this fine household, lord of the clinic-"
"Oh good grief," Karin muttered.
"- and of course, Ichigo's father." He leaned in close, eyeing Ichigo conspiratorially. "Now you know where Ichigo gets his good looks from!" he whispered, though it was loud enough for everyone to hear.
To everyone's surprise, Orihime looked back and forth between father and son before nodding slightly. "Ah, Ichigo-kun does resemble you a bit, Kurosaki-san."
"Eh?" they both said, glancing down at her.
"Well, in the cheeks and chin. The facial structure, I mean." To emphasize her point, she tapped her finger gently against Ichigo's chin. "And something about the eyes, too…" Realizing she had trailed off for a few seconds, Orihime laughed nervously. "Ah, I'm sorry! I just couldn't help but notice." She forced a wide smile and bowed slightly to Isshin. "It's really wonderful to meet you!"
For a moment Isshin just stood there and stared at her. Orihime fidgeted under his gaze, and Ichigo raised an eyebrow at his father's odd behavior. Suddenly, Isshin's eyes watered and he ran over to Masaki's poster. "MASAKIIIIIIIIII!" he screeched as he plastered himself over the poster. "Daddy's so happy! Our son has brought home a beauty and she's SMART! I'm so proud…" He then blubbered incoherently against the poster, his words unintelligible to everyone else.
"Just ignore him," Ichigo muttered darkly.
"Daddy's a bit eccentric," Yuzu said with a laugh. "But anyway, it's really nice to meet you too, Orihime-san. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes, so please take a seat."
"Thank you – oh!" Orihime's exclamation stopped Yuzu just as she started to walk back into the kitchen. She took the container from Ichigo and handed it to Yuzu. "I brought this along for dessert. I would have brought something more traditional like sake, but I didn't have any and I'm not really sure what's good anyway." She blushed a bit. "And anyway, we can all eat this, if you'd like. It's just a cake I made."
Yuzu's eyes brightened as she took the container. "You didn't have to go through so much trouble! It's great! I'll put it in the fridge for now until it's time for dessert. Thank you!" she said as she hurried into the kitchen, cake in tow.
As Yuzu trotted off into the kitchen, Ichigo held out his hands to take Orihime's coat. "Here."
With a smile she helped him take it off, and she watched as he hung it up. Once her coat and then his were hung up, he turned and nodded towards the table. "I guess we might as well sit down if dinner's about done. Don't worry, you won't have to sit by my dad."
Isshin's eyes darted over in Ichigo's direction, narrowing in hurt. "But I wanna-"
"No," Ichigo said, his tone definitive. "I'm not letting you near her, end of story." To make sure, Ichigo took the seat to the left of where Isshin always sat and he motioned to the seat to his left for Orihime and thus keeping himself in between them.
Rukia gave Orihime a sympathetic smile as the healer took the proffered seat. "It's better if you sit there anyway," she said. "That way you won't be in the way when Ichigo and uncle start fighting."
"That's because Ichigo never lets me have any fun!" Isshin protested.
"No, it's because you insist on acting like you're a five year old pervert!" Ichigo shot back, glowering at him. "And if you make even one remark about - about - about any parts of her anatomy-"
Because he couldn't resist (and even if he could, he probably wouldn't try), Isshin waggled his eyebrows. "What parts?"
"You know exactly what I mean!" Ichigo said, not taking the bait. "One comment, I swear, I'll-"
"My boy..." Isshin shook his head sadly. "Daddy must teach you the ways of courting. You do not bashfully ignore or hide what assets your woman has! Orihime-chan has big gonzagas! Real men boast and say-"
Karin estimated that in the time it took for Orihime to turn a deep red, Ichigo had managed to leap out of his chair, wrap his hands around Isshin's neck and send them both crashing to the floor. And so it starts, Karin thought dryly as she glanced at the two men rolling and grappling on the floor.
Orihime's eyes widened as she watched her boyfriend seemingly attempt to murder his father. She glanced at Rukia, who merely shrugged. "This is nothing new," the older woman assured her.
Yuzu banged a spoon against a pan, loud enough for everyone to wince and for the two men on the floor to stop their fighting. "Onii-chan, Daddy! We have a guest! Now, dinner's ready. Get in your seats."
Begrudgingly, Ichigo got to his feet and shuffled over to his chair. He dropped down into it, shooting a glare at his father as he took his own seat.
When Isshin caught Orihime's perplexed expression, he waved it off with a smile and said, "Don't worry, Orihime-chan! I would never seriously harm Ichigo, at least not in any way that would be detrimental to your relationship-"
"Dad," Ichigo growled in warning.
"-and besides, this is how we bond! Real fathers must teach their sons to be able to defend themselves in this world! So it's like training," Isshin finished with a congenial wink, totally ignoring Ichigo's deepening glare.
"Just ignore them," Karin offered Orihime as Yuzu began to bring out the food. "It's entertainment, anyway."
"It's man to man combat!" Isshin argued with an overdramatic shake of his fist.
"At most, it's two idiots beating each other up," Karin said with a roll of her eyes. "or sometimes even trying to break the house."
This time, she was on the receiving end of Ichigo's glare, and Isshin began bawling as he ran over to Masaki's poster (again). "Masaki! Our little Karin has no respect for her daddy!"
Rukia shook her head, though she wore an amused smile. Orihime glanced over at her again, her expression befuddled. With a widening grin Rukia said, "Welcome to the Kurosaki household."
The start of dinner went smoothly enough, aside from the initial skirmish. Once the food was dished out, Yuzu sat down with a smile, and everyone dug in.
Orihime smiled at the generous serving of sweet potatoes Yuzu had served her and the dish of butter that had been pushed her way. She sampled them, and couldn't help but remark at how good they were. Of course Yuzu was pleased, and they began talking about sweet potatoes (Orihime hoped to get her recipe before she left) and then about cooking in general.
That was how the first part of the dinner mainly went, with small talk about various things, from cooking to soccer (when Orihime talked to Karin about it, the younger girl was surprised, if not impressed to learn that Orihime knew a fair bit about the sport). Isshin was relatively quiet, only adding a quip here and there. Thanks to his father's silence, Ichigo's temper calmed and he was almost - almost - in a good mood again.
But the peace was not meant to last. As the first half of dinner waned into the second, the conversation steered towards school. "So, you're in Ichi-nii's class, right?" Karin asked Orihime.
"Mm-hmmm. It's a really fun class," Orihime said as she took a bite of the chicken.
"It's certainly... lively," Rukia added, shooting Orihime and Ichigo a knowing smile.
"Better than boring," Karin said. "My class is full of all the smarty-pants, so it's kind of dull sometimes."
"Orihime's smart," Ichigo pointed out. His girlfriend immediately blushed, but he continued on, "She's third in our class."
Yuzu gasped in surprise, though she was obviously impressed. Karin raised her brow. You mean to tell me the bombshell of Karakura High is also one of the smartest? "Seriously?"
Rukia nodded when Orihime seemed too shy to answer. "Yeah. She probably would be at the top if it wasn't for her missing a few days earlier in the semester and if Ishida wasn't in our class."
Karin saw her father raise an eyebrow at the name. However, he didn't seem willing to offer any opinion on it, and while Karin was curious (if not a little suspicious) she figured it was best not to encourage him to talk. The less Isshin said, the less likely something stupid was going to come out of his mouth.
"Third is still great," Ichigo said, stirring some of the teriyaki sauce on his plate.
The conversation probably would have gone on to end well if Yuzu didn't decide to ask Orihime, "So, did you and Onii-chan become friends just this school year?"
"Yeah, pretty much," Orihime answered with a nervous smile. "Although we didn't start going out until a few weeks ago."
Isshin's head snapped up. "Eh? Only a few weeks?"
"Yes," Ichigo said, automatically skeptical as to why Isshin seemed so surprised. "What of it?"
"This changes things!" Isshin clapped his hands on both sides of his face, his expression cast in serious concentration. "I had been working under the assumption you two had been dating for a few months!" He suddenly gasped in horror. "Then she – Orihime-chan doesn't know about that then, does she?"
Orihime tilted her head to the side in confusion as she looked over at Ichigo. He shrugged at her before giving his dad another skeptical glance. "Know about what?"
Karin mentally began to prepare herself for the onslaught, because she knew from experience this couldn't go well.
Isshin darted from his seat to Orihime's side, away from Ichigo and thus out of his reach. "You must be warned, Orihime-chan," Isshin whispered (again, not quietly enough so that everyone could hear it). "I have the baby pictures as proof. When the day comes that your hormones rage and your young, unbridled desire is unleashed-"
"What the hell are you telling her?" Ichigo snapped, getting to his feet.
"-you must not be surprised at what you see." Isshin's voice lowered, and Karin, Yuzu and Rukia almost missed what he said next.
They wished they had. "Ichigo's hoo-ha is crooked!"
For a brief moment, everyone in the room froze. The only visible change was Orihime's face, which was turning (what had to be) an unnatural shade of red. Ichigo's was as well, although Karin knew embarrassment was only part of the reason why. It was also in anger, and she knew at any second the shock would wear off and the rage would kick in.
Sure enough, not even three seconds later, Ichigo shot up from his chair and swung, his fist meeting with the side of Isshin's face and sending the older man tumbling. "WHAT THE HELL, DAD?"
"It's true!" Isshin said from his spot on the floor. "The pictures prove it!"
"Wh – What pictures? It is not crooked! If ANYONE knows that, it's me!"
Isshin waggled his eyebrows. "My boy! Have you been-"
Ichigo did not give Isshin the chance to finish, as he and his poor girlfriend had been traumatized enough for the night. He sent a swift kick at his father, but Isshin rolled away and got back up on his feet. Before he could gloat about his excellent 'Awesome Isshin Super Dodge', Ichigo plowed into him like a battering ram, sending both of them crashing into the kitchen.
"Oh hell," Karin muttered as they heard the crashing and the banging. "There go some more dishes."
Orihime blinked several times but otherwise remained unmoving as the fighting continued. The sound of dishes rattling from the constant impact resounded from the kitchen, with the occasional distinct banging sound of pots and pans crashing into each other. Rukia shook her head and glanced back at her food. "I'd say I'm going to miss the fighting, but I really think I won't."
"I'm going to miss having another sane person around," Karin murmured. "You sure you have to go live with your brother?" Rukia's story about her brother having suddenly found her and him wishing for her to live with him had seemed incredulous to Karin, but as usual, her father and sister had bought it and Rukia would be leaving them soon. Whatever the real reason behind her leaving, Karin was going to miss her, since at least she wasn't as batshit crazy as the rest of her family.
Suddenly with a loud crash, the fighting came to a halt. Seconds later, Ichigo emerged, a pot in hand. "Damn father. Even if what you said was true, why the hell would you tell Orihime that?"
"I am concerned for her! The fate of the Kurosaki name and the next generation might-"
Ichigo threw the pot at him, and smiled sadistically when it hit Isshin's head. Even better, at least for him, the final blow seemed to have knocked his father out, or at least Isshin was pretending to be, which Ichigo took as a sign of defeat.
He walked back over to the table and sat back down, ignoring the stares the girls were giving him. "Damn old man."
"Stop complaining," Rukia said. "I think the four of us were more scarred by that than you were. I certainly didn't want to know about… that part of your anatomy."
"Not a word to Renji or the others about this," Ichigo said, glaring at her. "or I'll hunt you down no matter where you are. Now shut up and eat."
With Isshin KO-ed in the kitchen, the rest of dinner went peacefully. It wasn't until dessert was served that he emerged from the kitchen, still grinning and with a spring in his step, despite the beating he had taken.
Before more uncomfortable and better-left-unexplored topics were brought up, Orihime made the tactical decision of asking Isshin about his work in the clinic. If Isshin was good at anything (besides humiliating his children), it was telling stories. Flattered that she was so interested and excited about telling his favorite tales to someone new, Isshin narrated with his usual zeal several of the colorful events from his time running the clinic. After awhile, even his children chipped in with their own comments about certain events, and the entire family was pleased to see Orihime smiling and laughing.
"And in the end, it took me, Ichigo, the woman's husband and her brother to get the bucket unattached from her rear-end," Isshin said, grinning at Orihime's baffled expression. "To this day, I still don't know how she got it on there so snugly."
"It wouldn't have killed her to lose some weight," Karin said. "And who puts their butt into a bucket, anyway?"
"The same kind of idiot who lets their toddler near wasabi sauce," Ichigo said, referring to another famous case at the clinic involving a child stuffing some wasabi sauce up his nose.
"It is sort of amazing what people can do to themselves," Orihime said with a little laugh. "I think we all have done something embarrassing to ourselves at some point."
"That's very true, Orihime-san," Yuzu said, standing up and beginning to collect the empty dessert plates. "Still, it is pretty horrific what we find here at the clinic some days. Daddy, Onii-chan, pass me your plates," she added as she beckoned to them.
"Excellent dessert, Orihime-chan!" Isshin said with a beaming smile as Yuzu gathered all the plates and brought them to the kitchen. "The strawberries were a nice touch," he added, winking at Ichigo.
His son rolled his eyes, but Orihime smiled and blushed. "Thank you, Kurosaki-san!"
Ichigo got to his feet, and offered his hand to Orihime. She took it and stood up, blushing slightly when he still held onto it. With an embarrassed expression he looked away, though still not letting go of her hand. Karin couldn't help but wryly note (to herself) how stupidly cute they were.
"We're heading upstairs," Ichigo said, walking away with Orihime following right behind him. "We'll be down later."
"B – But, you can't take her away so soon!" Isshin protested, flailing his arms as the couple began heading towards the stairs.
Ichigo answered him with a glare before leading Orihime upstairs, ignoring Isshin's continued objections.
Yuzu peered from the kitchen, wondering what her father was griping about. "What's wrong?"
"Yuzu-chan!" Isshin hurried over to her. "Your brother has just brought his girlfriend upstairs! This is momentous! Oh!" Isshin began pacing in circles, even though he was obviously excited. "Should I discourage them? No no, perhaps Orihime wants to see-"
"Er, uncle," Rukia interjected, "I don't think anything is going to happen. They are trying to take things slowly."
"It's Ichi-nii," Karin said dryly. "What could happen that a monk wouldn't do?"
Isshin aimed a skeptical look her way. "Wasn't it you who said you wouldn't be impressed until – I quote – 'he brings home someone of Orihime's level'?"
Karin blinked, momentarily shocked by her father's reminder. She had, in fact, said that not too long ago, when Rukia came to live with them the first time. Sure, Rukia was pretty and all, but the two of them obviously hadn't been dating and Karin was hardly concerned, unlike her father and sister. Now, though, she was going to have to eat her own words.
Damn, she thought, when did Goatchin get to be so sly? Then again, he had managed to wheedle her brother into this dinner. Maybe she needed to start giving her old man more credit.
Coughing to recover her lost composure, Karin said, "Yeah, I did. I said I would be impressed, not concerned. I am impressed. But still, unlike you, Ichigo isn't nearly as perverted."
"Yet," Isshin said with a waggle of his eyebrows.
Rukia snorted as Karin smacked her forehead. "Just stuff it, old man. And leave my brother out of your depraved thoughts."
Ichigo shut the door behind him once he and Orihime were safely in his room. Heaving out a huge sigh, he looked at her, his expression expectant. "Well?"
Orihime put a finger to her lips, though they were already turned upwards in a smile. After a moment of consideration, she said, "I like them!"
Ichigo's mouth almost dropped. "What?"
"I do!" Orihime insisted, trying to convince him of her sincerity. "Your sisters are really nice, and your father's funny!"
Ichigo was having a hard time comprehending this. He knew his girlfriend was friendly to everyone and everything, but even she had to at least acknowledge his family was dysfunctional at least. "Did you completely forget what my dad said earlier?"
Orihime flushed a bit; she definitely hadn't forgotten. "Well, no, but I think that was just teasing. He might go a little overboard with it, but I sort of thought he did it because he was nervous."
Isshin being nervous seemed almost ridiculous to Ichigo, but when he thought about how excited his family had been the past few days, perhaps it was also to be expected that they also had been nervous. "Maybe," he admitted.
"I didn't mind," she said. "They were kind of crazy, but I really enjoyed it. It's how I always pictured a close family would be like."
Her smile was a bit forced, and Ichigo immediately realized what she meant: Orihime had never had a whole family. She didn't remember her parents – probably for the best – and it had just been her and her brother until a few years ago. The mere novelty of having a family was probably enough for her to overlook any flaws they might have.
Ichigo smiled softly as he walked over to her and pulled her close. "I'm not sure my family is a poster kind of family, but we're something, I guess."
"They're great the way they are."
Well, as long as she likes them, Ichigo thought, then I guess I can't complain. He leaned his head against hers and inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel and scent of her and allowing his worries to ebb away for a bit, even as his Hollow snickered back in the deep reaches of his mind.
Orihime's fingers clutched the back of Ichigo's shirt, while her other hand cupped his cheek as she leaned back to look at him. Quietly, but with firmness she said, "Your Hollow's been bothering you again, hasn't he?"
Ichigo wasn't entirely surprised that she knew, though he felt like he should be. "You knew?"
"I could tell something was bothering you earlier," she admitted, "when you came to my house. And I could… feel it." She smiled, though it was only half-hearted. "I wanted to mention it before, but with the dinner tonight, I figured you wouldn't want to talk about it, so I tried to take your mind off of it."
Well, that would explain her weird behavior on the balcony. "Yeah." He glanced at the wall, away from her penetrating gaze. "I honestly meant to talk to you about it, just later. Tonight I just… I want it to be a normal night."
Orihime nodded in understanding. "Okay. Tomorrow, then."
"But tomorrow's-"
"Christmas. I know." She leaned her head against his chest, drawing his gaze back towards her. "I know it's not a holiday kind of topic, but we know we'll be alone tomorrow night and can talk about it in peace. We can exchange gifts, have some hot chocolate, talk about it, and kiss a bit. You open up more when you're in a good mood, anyway."
He had to keep himself from laughing. "Can't we just skip the talk and go straight to the kissing? Wouldn't you prefer that?" he said in a mock serious tone.
Orihime gave him a playfully reproachful look. "Ichigo-kun, you're not backing out of this one."
"Fine," he said in defeat, though his smile betrayed his real feelings. He leaned his forehead against hers and with a sly smile said, "So, just how much kissing are we talking about here? I'd like to know if I'm going to get my fair share for the night."
Try as she might, Orihime couldn't contain the giggling that burst out of her. Ichigo grinned, and decidedly pushed his worries aside, saving them for tomorrow.
A/N: Yeeeah, not too much plot in this one, but I figured after the previous two chapters a break was needed, with some desperately lacking humor. Plot will resume next week, but I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. Yes, there was some heavily implied RenRuki in there. I'm sorry if it's not your thing, but it's not like it's the main couple of this story anyway. In case anyone was wondering what Isshin was referring to with Karin saying she wouldn't be impressed until Ichigo brought home someone of Orihime's level, it's a reference to Chapter 197. I'm not sure what episode it is in the anime, but it's right after Rukia returns from Soul Society and before the explanation about the Arrancar.
Oh, and please don't tell me I have to explain what Isshin meant by gonzagas and hoo-has. It should be self-explanatory.