Medic wandered the halls of the barracks searching for his beloved pet dove. Archimedes had gone missing half an hour ago, and Medic was getting worried.
"Archimedes," he called, "Komm zu Papa." Hoping for answers, Medic stuck his head into Engineer's bunker.
"Engineer, have you seen Archimedes anywhere," he asked.
"Not recently," Engineer answered, looking up from the crossword puzzle he was working on.
"What about you, Pyro, have you seen him?" Pyro, who was also in Engineer's bunker, shook his head, and went back to working on his crossword puzzle.
"By the way," Engineer said to Pyro, "3-across is espionage." Pyro filled out the blank squares in his puzzle and mumbled something that sounded like 'thanks.'
"Ach, das ist schlecht," Medic sighed in his native language, "I've been looking for him all around the base, but I just can't seem to find him."
"Don't worry, doc," said Engineer, trying to be reassuring, "I'm sure he's around here somewhere."
"Well, where else could he be?
"Uh, try on top of a dog's head, right behind you." Confused, Medic turned around to see Archimedes sitting on top of a golden retriever's head, just as Engineer described. Happy to see his 'papa,' Archimedes flew up to Medic's shoulder and nuzzled his cheek with his head. Medic chuckled as he stroked the bird's head.
"Where have you been, you silly, silly bird," he wondered out loud.
"Looks like he made a new friend," said Engineer, pointing at the dog sitting in the doorway.
"Well, hello there," Medic said, scratching the dog's ears, "Where did you come from?" Suddenly, Scout, Soldier, Heavy, and Demoman ran into the room.
"Aha," exclaimed Soldier, "finally caught her."
"So that's what you've been running after," said Demoman, "I thought you were just running for the fun of it, and that's why I joined you." Scout, seeing that everyone else was confused, decided to explain.
"Guys, say hi to Daisy," he began, "We found her outside a while ago and saw that she was lost. So, we called the owners, and until they come get her, we gotta take care of her for a while."
"And she is perfectly healthy," asked Medic, examining Daisy closer.
"Aside from a little starvation."
"Well then, you'll be surprised to know that this dog is not only pregnant, but is currently in labor." The mercenaries jaws dropped (except for Pyro, because…well, you know).
"W-What," Scout shouted in surprise.
"Heavy is going to be uncle." Heavy yelled in excitement.
"What do we do, doc," asked Soldier.
"I assume we do the same thing we would for a human in labor," Medic responded.
"So, one of us holds her paw while she curses at us," asked Scout. Pyro raised his hand and mumbled something that sounded like 'not it.'
"No," answered Medic, "Here's what we do," The mercenaries gathered. Around Medic, while Daisy lay next to them, breathing heavily.