A/N: This is for David Tennant to placate his naive fanboy notion that there's no you know what on board the TARDIS.

Taking Her Someplace Else

"And then he just lunged at me! Full set of gnashers, too – and Rose, that's a lot of teeth. Forty-four, to be precise. Anyway, he's there, right in my face, spraying this disgusting phlegm all over me!" narrated the Doctor enthusiastically, practically jumping up and down as he spoke.

"Eugh, that's disgusting!" Rose laughed. She patted his arm. "Too much information, there, Doctor."

"And you – where were you, eh? Off gallivanting, no doubt! Instead of coming to my rescue!" He tutted playfully. "And now you're laughing at me. Well. Aren't you nice."

"I was trying to find the fire extinguisher!" she protested through her giggles.

"What on Earth were you trying to find that for?" he retorted, baffled. "What harm's that gonna do to a Pheltop? He's got an armoured plate on his head, Rose! Wouldn't knock him out for toffee, a fire extinguisher!"

"No harm whatsoever, you nimwit," she answered, shaking her head.

"Oi!" he cried, mildly insulted at her insult. He wasn't that insulted, however, as she'd said in an affectionate, fond sort of tone. Almost like a term of endearment...gosh, sometimes, he really wondered when he'd become so...incredibly like a man in love. Honestly? It was unnerving that he couldn't, for the life of him, remember a time when he wasn't besotted with the woman in front of him. Luckily, for some strange reason, she had not, as yet, worked this fact out.

"I was going to distract it," she explained slowly, as if talking to a child.

"How?"

"I dunno! By spraying the foam all over him or something! Or all over you, I hadn't quite made up my mind yet." She shrugged innocently.

"Oi!" he shouted again, but he was laughing earnestly.

"What? It would've turned him right off you, you know it would've. I know I wouldn't fancy my dinner getting covered in that white foamy stuff."

"You'd still fancy me, though, right?" he asked cheekily.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure," she placated him sarcastically.

"So anyway! On with my story..." he continued, leaning against the console.

"I was there, you know," she sighed. But secretly she was fighting a grin. He was so adorable, even when he was retelling an adventure she was in the bloody room for. He liked to show off his grand courage, you see. And Rose liked to let him, because when she did, he often spontaneously treated her to a shopping trip. Which meant a new pair of shoes or jeans or something. Which meant Rose was a very happy girl.

"I literally just said, very calmly, 'I hope you're going to brush your teeth before you eat me, I don't want to catch some sort of Pheltop disease.' Very brave, that, really - considering he'd threatened to eat me limb by limb as opposed to gobbling me up in one go if I so much as uttered a word."

"I'm very proud of you," she grinned.

He poked his tongue out at her. "So there I am, pinned up against the wall by his huge claws – well, now, I say 'his.' I keep referring to it as a 'he,' but actually, I'm not so sure. For all I know, it could have been a female trying to mate with me or something," he pondered thoughtfully. He arrogantly straightened his tie and Rose burst into laughter again.

He glared at her jokingly and pushed himself off the console, closing the distance between them step by step as he spoke. "And then," he exclaimed theatrically, "He – she; whatever – looks at me with these scary red eyes and growls, and I go: 'Wow, what a lovely set of six eyes you've got.' And there's this pause, this quiet little tense pause where I think, yay, I'm so clever, it's not going to eat me!" Then he shuddered and his voice lowered as he said, "And then it pressed a huge, slobbering kiss on my forehead!"

"Thank goodness it didn't go for the lips!"

"Well, one doesn't do that on a first date, does one?" he laughed.

"Tell me about it," Rose muttered. "Or the second, or third, or fourth, or..."

The Doctor either didn't hear her little comment or pretended not to. "It's impolite, un-chivalrous - presumptuous, even!"

"And what did you do then?" she smirked. She remembered giggling to herself as she'd continued her search for something to distract the thing with without alerting her own presence to it in the meantime. And she remembered the Doctor's girly squeals of shock and repulsion as the thing set its lips upon him.

"Well," he mumbled, now looking a bit chastened. "I just sort of...stood there, in shock. Not every day you get kissed on the forehead by a Pheltop; what was I supposed to do?"

"You're really s'posed to move away when that happens!" she teased, tongue between teeth.

"How, exactly? Did I not mention the claws! That pinned me to the wall? Hmmm?"

"Well, I'm sure you could've thought of something," she said, raising an eyebrow. She bit her lip thoughtfully. "Or maybe you're not the big, manly hero I thought you were..." she trailed off mock-wistfully, walking backwards away from him.

"Hmph!" he scoffed in his defence, before muttering, "Love you too!"

As the words left his mouth, he went completely rigid, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Of course you do! How could you not?" she laughed brightly, and he could tell from her hesitant-but-joking tone that she was letting him have a get-out there. Save him from embarrassment, from having to explain himself; save him from stuttering that he didn't mean it, it was just turn of phrase. Or save him from pretending he meant it, just in a platonic way, not...anything else. Save him from an awkward silence.

For once in his life, the Doctor realised he didn't want a get-out.

He sniffed, and broke her gaze, turning around to face the console. He took in a deep breath as he silently twisted a few knobs and pulled a lever, before turning around to face her and her sarcasm again with a serious expression. "I do, though."

That was when everything seemed to perform in slow motion in front of the Doctor's eyes.

He watched her eyes widen an almost imperceptible amount. He saw the very millionth of a second that the remote control car - which was the distraction she had eventually found and used to lure the Pheltop out of the room and away from the Time Lord - slipped from her weakened grasp and fell to the console room floor with a loud clatter. He noticed, with a little trepidation and no small amount of distraction, that her mouth was opening and closing quickly as she fought for something to reply with.

"It's alright," he offered, feeling generous. He had just literally sprung a possibly life-changing fact on his best friend. "You don't have to say it back, or anything." He gave her a gentle smile and turned back to the controls, fiddling here and there and not really doing anything, just trying to distract himself from the irrationally fast thumping of his hearts and the sinking feeling in his stomach as the silence stretched on and on and on and on and –

"Doctor."

She tapped his shoulder when he didn't reply, urging him to turn around.

He complied, heaving a sigh and wondering if he should have already set the course for London.

She looked deep into his eyes, leaning to peer closely.

"Um, Rose, what are you doing?" he asked quietly, trying to ignore the fact that her lips were a mere bloody centimetre away from his.

"I'm - " she started, but then she lost her balance a bit and stumbled into him. He caught her around the waist and stayed silent. "Thanks." Swallowed heavily; and, "I was just trying to tell if you were really you or not. Or if, you know, you were drunk? Or maybe hypnotised."

She shrugged simply, as if what she had said made any sense. "Why would you think I was any of those things?" he asked her curiously.

She rolled her eyes. "Because you just said something that I never expected to hear you say."

His lips quirked upwards. "I'm me. I'm not drunk. I'm not hypnotised. I love you, and I am extremely embarrassed I told you so, if this is the reaction I get."

Rose grinned, tongue between teeth in that tempting way that she does, and then she kissed him. Quickly and chastely and he didn't even have time to react.

"I love you too," she told him when she pulled back.

He felt like he was going to explode. Literally. This would be it. Spontaneous explosion and boom, he'd regenerate again. He was going to explode and die in utter disbelief and no small amount of joy. Because of that woman. Again. That woman there, in front of him, was going to kill him, again. She was Rose Tyler, and she just said she loved him too, and he was the Doctor, who within the next ten seconds was most definitely Going. To. Explode.

She kissed him again, a little more firmly, and caught his bottom lip between her teeth.

Yeah, he was going to explode. If he didn't melt first. He could feel his legs going weird. Was this normal?

He gripped the console behind him, leaning against it for support. "Rose," he murmured, voice low. "Are you...do you...really?"

She smiled, and yanked him towards her by his tie. "Yes. Really. Really really. I really really really love you, Doctor."

"That's...that's..." he stuttered, his breath ghosting across her lips.

"Brilliant?" she supplied with a wink.

"Oh yes," he agreed, before pressing his lips to hers. His right hand wound itself into her hair and his left sought out the curve of her waist, pulling her roughly against him as they practically moulded together and snogged the life out of each other. "Thank you for distracting it, by the way," he mumbled against her jaw as he pressed kisses there, allowing her to inhale some oxygen.

"Anytime," she breathed out roughly. "Only did it 'cos I was jealous, though, I hope you know that," she teased, starting to giggle.

"Ah, that's why, was it?" he chuckled, his fingertips slipping beneath the hem of her top to trace her lower back delicately.

"Mmmhmm," she grinned. He kissed her again, and her hands found their way to his hair to tug at it wonderfully. He pressed even closer to her, delighting in the way they fit against one another, losing himself in their embrace.

Before he truly registered what was happening, he'd pushed her onto the captain's chair and was hovering over her with his tie loosened and his shirt's top three buttons undone.

"Ah," he said, when he realised where they were.

"You alright?" she asked, playfully trailing her hands down his chest.

"Hmm, just...this is a bit weird," he admitted.

Rose frowned. "Is it? Why?" she asked, baffled. She loved him, he loved her, they'd kissed, would hopefully do more...what was weird about it?

"I dunno, it's just...the TARDIS. I don't think...here, I don't think..." he trailed off, his brow furrowing discontentedly. He got off her and stood up, looking at her warily.

"Are you saying that you feel uncomfortable kissing inside the TARDIS? What, because she can...see?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

"The kissing's fine," he told her honestly. "It's what comes after the kissing that makes me feel uncomfortable."

Rose bit back a grin. "What comes after the kissing then, eh?"

He rolled his eyes. "Lots of things," he answered, a light blush creeping onto his cheeks. "And it's...I dunno, I just feel weird about it. The TARDIS is sentient, and...yeah."

"Is she prudish?" Rose teased, feigning an understanding smile.

He mock-scowled at her. "She might be," he said defensively.

Rose jumped up and laid a hand on the console. "Are you prudish?" she asked the TARDIS.

The TARDIS hummed but Rose was unsure whether it was in agreement or disagreement. "Where are we at the moment? The vortex?" she inquired.

"Yeah," he agreed, looking at her curiously.

"Well, then," she replied. "Only one thing for it."

"What's that?"

"Take us someplace else so you can...take me someplace else," she answered with a mischievous smile.

His eyes widened and his jaw went slack. After a few moments, recovering his wits again, he pointed his finger at her. "That's...you're..."

"Naughty?" she put in with a grin. "Yeah, I like to think so."

He shook his head at her despairingly, then grinned back. "Where would you like to go?"

"Anywhere, absolutely anywhere, that you won't feel uncomfortable," she answered easily.

"Right," he nodded, chuckling. "Well, then. There are thousands of places to choose from..."

"In which case, it sounds like we're never gonna get bored," Rose beamed.

He chuckled again. "Wise words, Rose Tyler. Wise words."