Like Nothing in the World, and Everything
Rose ran her hand across the TARDIS coral affectionately. "He's never going to realise, is he?"
She felt like the TARDIS comforted her mind. Sort of saying, you never know...maybe one day...
"And even if he did..." she sighed. "What's that saying? Oh yeah, 'A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?'"
"You're nothing like a fish, Rose Tyler," the Doctor told her quietly from the doorway.
Rose jumped in surprise and blushed deeply as she wondered how much of her mumbled ponderings he'd heard. "Hi," she murmured.
He stepped into the library, a small smile on his face, and sat down beside her on the sofa. "Rose."
Embarrassed, she refused to glance at him, keeping her eyes trained on the rug she was toeing absently with her foot. "Yeah?"
"Rose, look at me," he requested softly.
"What's up?" she asked. But she still couldn't meet his eye.
He sighed and decided to make her look at him, if she wasn't going to do it voluntarily. Playfully so that she wouldn't protest much, he grabbed hold of her legs and used the leverage to swing her around so that she lay horizontal on the sofa, facing him. She giggled a bit in surprise but let him rest her legs in his lap all the same. She was used to him invading her personal space, after all. Even if it didn't mean anything to him, she wouldn't have had it any other way.
"Thank you," he grinned, squeezing her knee. Abruptly, his expression changed and he looked nervous. "Right, now...this is quite the spontaneous occasion. You'd better listen to this, Rose Tyler. 'Cos I don't ever say things like this. Not ever. But I'm going to make an exception, just this once, seeing as it's you."
"Oh yeah?" she smiled, folding her arms. "And why's that?"
"Because you're my favourite," he answered, rolling his eyes like it was obvious. He pretended not to notice how she flushed pink again at his words, and continued, "Anyway! Fact is, I have a confession to make."
She really wished it wouldn't, because it would make things very obvious, but her breathing started to speed up in anticipation. "Yeah?"
"Yep." He tugged at his ear nervously. "Right. Here goes." He let out a long breath and blurted out, "I have a feeling things are about to get a bit domestic on the TARDIS."
Rose raised an eyebrow, confused. "What? Why?"
"Because this is where we live," he replied.
"Yeah...and?"
"And I want to spend a very ample proportion of my time kissing you, from now on." He held his breath, wondering what she'd say to that revelation.
Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open and the answer to his wonderings was nothing.
"Um, Rose?" he prompted, after she'd stared at him unblinkingly for about a minute without saying anything.
"Yeah, I..." Her voice was husky. She cleared her throat, and started again, "Sorry, but what?"
"What what?" he asked.
"What did you mean...when you said that?"
He squinted at her, baffled. "I thought it was pretty self-explanatory. But if you want me to elaborate..." He bit his lip, anxious about her reaction. She nodded, requesting him to continue. So he did. "Right. Weelll. You see, I've noticed, uh...this, now how shall I put it, um...okay, well, it's this...feeling, and, erm...well, I've had this feeling for...awhile..." He tilted his head to the side thoughtfully and amended his phrasing hurriedly, "Well, okay...more than 'awhile,' more sort of like...sincethedayImetyou...and along with this, er, feeling, have come other...feelings...all of which are quite, uh..." He swallowed thickly and gave her a helpless look.
"What, Doctor?" she asked breathlessly.
He sighed in frustration at his own inability to structure coherent sentences amidst his rambling. "Don't you ever feel like...like...like..."
"Like...?" she urged.
"Like you're floating? Like...like you can't breathe? Like you're inhaling this, this heady sort of perfume and...and like you're dancing in the air, and you're swimming through a waterfall, and your vision's all blurry, and all you can smell are flowers and...and you just want to sing at the top of your voice in the middle of nowhere – or no, maybe...maybe in front of everyone...in some busy London street or, or at the centre of the universe and just...tell the entire population that you're in - "
Rose, hanging on his every word, blinked purposefully as he cut himself off.
He swallowed, and started back up again under her expectant, intent gaze, "Um, that you're...alive. Yes, that's right...you're so, so alive, because there's this person, right, that can make your hearts sort of jump, just by taking your hand, and there's this smile they've got that both makes you strong and makes you weak, and...it's like nothing in the world, weeeellll, and everything, and..." He trailed off, seeing her watery eyes, and looked down to where he was fiddling with the hem of her denim skirt to continue, "And...and, really, Rose...what I'm...what I'm trying to say is that, maybe I don't understand them properly – because, well, I've never felt them before – but...but these feelings I've got, see...they're..."
"Doctor," she interrupted softly.
He met her eyes again. "Yeah?" he replied, his hearts about to explode out of his chest, they were beating so hard. She just smiled at him, and he relaxed a little bit with the knowledge that she wasn't about to shout at him. "Rose, I can't just be feeling these things on my own, can I?" he murmured tentatively.
She dodged the question, not on purpose, but because something suddenly sprang to mind as she realised he hadn't realised that she returned his feelings. "How much did you hear me say, earlier?"
He frowned, thrown for a moment. "You mean, when you were talking to the TARDIS?"
"Yeah," she replied shakily.
"Just some nonsense about a bird and a fish not being able to live together. And so you see, what I'm trying to say, Rose, is that...is that, I know I'm not human, but..." He paused, and looked deep into her eyes. "But I care about you just as much as any human could. And I've realised that your – quite frankly, ridiculously short – lifespan can't stop me from telling you that, now. Because I just, I can't...I can't pretend anymore."
"So...you, um," she began, blushing again but trying to make her teasing smile and the cheeky glint in her eye counteract her nerves with something like mischief, "You want to kiss me, eh?"
"Yeah," he exhaled roughly. "Every inch of you." Her eyes widened and the tips of his ears turned pink when he realised he'd said that last bit out loud. He coughed awkwardly. "I mean. That is..." He sighed and finished with a hopeful, "If you want?"
"I think I want that more than I've wanted anything, ever," she confessed, and he smiled at her in relief. "What you were saying earlier, Doctor..."
"Yeah?"
"It was...beautiful, really," she told him earnestly. "Quite romantic." He looked ready to protest at that but she put her finger at his lips to silence him. "Shut it, you. I won't tell anyone that you're really just a big softie, don't worry."
He smiled again, and moved her hand from his face to entwine their fingers. "So...what I said...all that, um...stuff that I tried to explain and ended up – unintentionally, of course – being romantic about...do you, um, do you feel that?"
"What, like I'm floating and dancing and want to sing about being alive?" she teased, her tongue at the corner of her mouth.
He mock-glared at her and defended, "Do you have any idea how else to describe it?" Then he leant forward slightly, persevering for an answer to his previous question. "So, do you feel it too or what?"
She leant forward as well, and whispered, "Of course I do, you daft alien."
His beam could split his face, Rose reckoned. "Really?"
Rose nodded in affirmation.
"Thank goodness for that! I was terrified it was all some unrequited thing and you'd leave..."
"I'm never going to leave you," she assured him, leaning into him even closer.
"Well, good, because I'm never going to let you," he grinned, tilting his head. "Rose..."
"Yeah?" she replied, their lips almost touching.
His wide grin softened into the gentle smile he offered her every time she stepped into a room. Every time he looked at her. Every time he felt something tug at his hearts to hold onto her and never let her go. "I love you," he murmured, stroking her knee with his thumb. And then he kissed her.