The Other French Mistress
-:-
"What the hell!" blurted out Rose, as soon as she stepped into the room.
"Ah, you must be Rose! I am Mademoiselle Adrienne Valentine," greeted a curvaceous woman with gorgeous, wavy blonde hair cascading down her back.
"Oh for god's sake, we're on a bloody different planet and he still finds another blonde Frenchwoman," she muttered.
"This," the Doctor announced to her quickly. "Is most definitely not what it looks like and is in no way my fault, I promise."
"He's lying," added Adrienne. "This is entirely what it looks like and completely his fault."
"Oi! Rose, don't listen to her!"
Rose took another step forward and her eyes widened. "Doctor."
"Yeah?" he replied nervously.
"You're naked."
"Ah."
-:-
Earlier that day...
"So, there's the Palace of Msizentm, home of the great Princes of Balasiftu," the Doctor told Rose, gesturing to the large, stately building up ahead of them. "Isn't it magnificent?"
"It's beautiful! Can we go and make friends with some royalty and take a look around it?" she replied, excitement lighting up her eyes.
His hand dug around in his pocket for a moment before holding up the psychic paper. "Of course we can!"
Rose smiled up at him. "Race you!" she announced, before letting go of the hand she was holding and starting to sprint up the gravel path towards the palace. The Doctor chuckled and chased after her.
It was sometime later, after acquainting themselves with the Princes and the Royal Court, that Rose and the Doctor became separated. One of the ladies-in-waiting to the Princes' mother, the Queen of the kingdom of Balasiftu, who was visiting her sons' residence, had provided Rose with a guided tour of the gardens and rooms of the palace. After an hour of this, Rose grew bored, and sneaked away, hoping to find the Doctor and/or a mystery to solve. The last time she'd seen the Time Lord was in the Great Hall, where she'd left him conversing with Prince Davereo, but currently she was upstairs in one of the lavish corridors, and had unfortunately found herself in that awkward situation where one hears a curious noise coming from a room one is supposed to stay out of. Naturally, curious and jeopardy-friendly woman that Rose was, she opened the door to the forbidden room.
And thus she found the Doctor, naked, with a stranger on top of him on a rather large four poster bed.
Yeah.
-:-
"Madame whoever-you-are, do you mind jumping off him for a second so I can have a word?" Rose asked the woman sweetly. Mademoiselle Adrienne Valentine sighed and complied, lifting her skirts and removing herself from on top of the Doctor.
The Doctor looked aghast. "How is it that you do as Rose asked, but you didn't move away and let me go when I asked you to?" he demanded.
The Frenchwoman lifted an eyebrow. "But you did not ask me to," she replied innocently.
Rose rolled her eyes.
The Doctor looked even more horrified. "Yes I did!" He looked at Rose beseechingly. "Rose, I did!" he insisted. "This – this woman drugged me and dragged me in here and tried to do unspeakable things to me!"
Rose folded her arms. "So what you're saying is, she managed to strip you completely naked and tie you to her bed and you just simply couldn't fight her off?"
The Doctor frowned, because Rose sounded dubious, like she didn't believe him, and that was very not good because what he'd told her was true and he needed her to see that, otherwise their relationship, such as it was, may become irreparably damaged.
"Yes!" he answered. "Because, as I said, she drugged me!"
Rose shrugged. "You're awake now. Didn't occur to you to attempt an escape?"
"Rose, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not wearing any clothes, thus I have not the use of my sonic screwdriver."
"No," she scoffed, glancing down his body. "Bloody typical that you've got the use of your other - "
"Rose!" he interrupted, alarmed at her almost-comparison. "Not that I'm encouraging to look in that direction again, but honestly, do I look as though I wanted her on top of me?"
Adrienne intercepted their conversation briefly to throw another spanner in the works, "I suspect, Rose, he lost his excitement somewhat once you arrived."
Rose's jaw clenched angrily and she whirled around to face the other woman. "Why don't you just shut up!" Then she span back to the Doctor, who was staring at her with wide eyes.
"In no way, shape or form was or am or will I be willing to have sex with her," he vowed. "The whole fiasco has been completely unarousing, I assure you."
Adrienne put in, "Oh Doctor, she obviously doesn't believe you, you may as well cease with the lies."
The Doctor turned his head. "Why are you so insistent on ruining everything?" he asked her, in that quiet, angry voice he used that made him sound so very dangerous. "How is tying me to a bed and pretending I wanted you to do so even remotely beneficial to your life?"
Adrienne affected an expression of shock and hurt. "Why are you denying what we have between us?"
He let out an exclamation of frustration. "Oh for Rassilon's sake!" he sighed dramatically. "Just untie these crazily tight knots and let me go. Please."
Adrienne stepped over to the bed. Rose watched her carefully, ready to pounce if the other woman tried to hurt the Doctor.
"Oh, now, you don't have to do that," the Doctor complained, closing his eyes when Adrienne got on her hands and knees above the Doctor to access his tied up wrists.
"Where are his clothes?" Rose asked.
Adrienne sighed deeply. "In the closet."
Rose backed up to the closet, keeping her eyes on the bed, until she had to turn around and search for his clothes. As soon as she did she heard the Doctor yelp, and span back around.
"Rose! She just bit my neck!"
Adrienne trailed her hands down the Doctor's arms, let them wander down his bare chest. "You love it," she purred, rocking her hips above his.
Rose had had quite enough of this. She stormed over to the bed and yanked Adrienne by her perfect blonde hair until she was tumbling off of the Doctor and onto the floor. Rose kept a hold of her hair as she tried to wriggle free and said, "I am not the sort of girl who gets seized by fits of jealousy and has catfights to try and resolve the matter." She paused, and crouched down, to look Adrienne right in the eye. "But I swear to God I will lock you in that closet if you don't stop trying to shag the Doctor right in front of me. Capiche?"
The woman nodded solemnly, but as Rose was about to stand up, she grabbed her around the waist and dragged her to the floor, pushing her down with her hands on her shoulders. "I never go after something that I am unlikely to get," she muttered coldly. "It's just a matter of time before your precious Doctor caves in."
"You're delusional," Rose replied, then hooked her leg around the woman to flip her onto her back then tried to scramble off her; but they ended up having a bit of a tussle on the floor as they both tried to pin the other down.
The Doctor, meanwhile, was utterly speechless. And when Rose seemed to finally reach her boiling point and used her entire body strength to topple Adrienne away from her, allowing Rose to jump up and onto the bed to try and get him free, he quite possibly was a little transfixed by the fact that she had literally fought another woman over him.
"You can take that little smug grin right off your face," Rose mumbled, fiddling with the knots that tied his hands to the headboard.
He carried on smiling at her, enjoying the breathless, flustered look she was exhibiting at that moment. Then, he saw Adrienne stand up and dust herself down behind Rose's shoulder. He also saw her pick up the bedside lamp. "Er, Rose, quick, she's - !" he started, sounding very panicked.
Before he could finish his sentence, Rose had whirled around with an arm up to block Adrienne's attempt at hitting her over the head with the lamp, and landed a punch to the side of her face, knocking her out. The lamp and she fell to the floor. Rose winced and shook her hand. "Ouch. She has a hard face."
She turned back to the Doctor, who was looking at her oddly.
"Oh, for god's sake – I know you don't approve of violence, but that was self-defence," Rose said, defensively.
He swallowed thickly and gestured to his shell-shocked expression with the hand she had managed to free. "Rose, don't mistake this look for disapproval. I am merely utterly... astonished."
"Oh," she mumbled, straightening her shirt self-consciously. "Yeah. Well. She deserved it." She leant forwards to untie the other knot.
"You do believe me, don't you?" he asked earnestly. "I would never..."
Rose offered him a small smile. "Yes. I believe you," she murmured, then added a triumphant "aha!" once she'd freed his other wrist. Before she could move away, the Doctor used his newly free hands to grab her middle and tug her into a hug. She rolled her eyes and hugged him back, hiding a smile in his bare shoulder.
"Come on," she said softly. "Let's get out of here before she wakes up." She drew back from their hug and told him, "I'll get your clothes."
The Doctor swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat watching her move to the closet to retrieve his suit. He let out a sigh of relief.
"So who is she?" Rose asked as she walked back to him with his clothes.
"I think she's one of the Prince's...mistresses," he admitted, then winced as she sent him a Look.
"Blimey. The parallels are startling," she commented, chucking his boxer-briefs at him playfully. "Did this one read your mind, too?"
He caught them and sent her a quick glare before putting them on. "No, she didn't," he replied.
"Small mercies," she muttered, the corner of her mouth lifting slightly in a tiny smile. She threw his trousers in his direction, which he dutifully put on.
"Rose," he then murmured, standing there half-clothed, a lump coming to his throat.
She met his gaze. "Yeah?"
"I need you to know that I...weeelll, that it's you...that I..." He reached a hand up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly.
"That you what?" she asked patiently. He didn't respond.
She stepped closer to him and put his jacket and tie on the bed, holding up his shirt for him. She pressed a hand to his shoulder, urging him to face the other direction, and then he caught up with her actions and slipped his arms into his shirt as she held it. He turned back around to face her and she stared at his chest as she did up his shirt buttons.
The Doctor watched her, silently, the lump in his throat becoming even more pronounced; so much so that he inexplicably felt tears spring to his eyes. She reached over to the bed and retrieved his tie, then slipped it around his collar and started to tie it. Her fingers grazed over his collar bone and even through his shirt her gentle touch made him shiver. Paradoxically, her dressing him like this was really quite...He gulped.
Finished with his tie, she smoothed her hands down his chest, trying to iron out the wrinkles of his shirt. His hearts thudded beneath her palms, and still he could only stare at her through slightly watery eyes, unable to voice his feelings. She glanced up, then, and met his stare with her own.
She reached a hesitant hand up to his cheek, her brow furrowing as she took in the sight if his glistening eyes. Her thumb stroked his cheekbone tenderly for a moment, and then she moved her hand to the back of his neck, her fingertips tracing the soft skin. He let out a shaky breath and placed his own hands on her hips, gently tugging her forwards, closing the distance between their bodies.
"Rose," he whispered, tilting his head down, his breath ghosting over her lips.
An unpleasant groan that was distinctly neither Rose's nor the Doctor's alerted them to the fact that Adrienne had awoken. Rose span out of his arms, grabbed his jacket, grabbed his hand, and whispered, "Run!" before leading them both out of the room at a quick pace before Adrienne could realise what had happened. They jogged quietly down the hallway, pausing at the staircase to glance around for guards. Seeing none in the vicinity of their escape route, they sprinted down the stairs and out of the palace, hand in hand, Rose still clutching his jacket. They slowed to a walk as they became further from the palace and closer to the TARDIS, and Rose let him when he started swinging their arms between them playfully. She looked at him, and found him already looking at her, a soft smile on his face.
"What are you smiling at?" she mumbled, trying not to smile herself. He squeezed her hand and her lips twitched.
"You," he answered.
She went a bit pink and forced her gaze away from his. She spotted the TARDIS and nodded her head towards it. "Nearly home - "
"Race you," he whispered in her ear, then let go of her hand and took off for the TARDIS. She giggled and chased after him.
Predictably, he was inside the time machine first, thus when Rose dashed through the doors and nearly stumbled, he was there to catch her around the waist and hold her upright. She laughed against him breathlessly, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. Once she'd caught her breath, she relaxed into his hold, pleased that he hadn't let her go yet. Biting her bottom lip coquettishly for a moment, she then took great delight in teasing him, "Doctor, I've just realised something."
"And what's that?" he asked her, his voice low.
"I saw you naked earlier today. Completely, completely naked."
He arched an eyebrow. "You only just realised this?"
"I was a bit distracted at the time," she pointed out. "What with that mad Frenchwoman trying to molest you and then kill me and everything."
"Oh, of course," he agreed graciously, his grin widening whilst his arms tightened around her middle.
"Anyway, point is, now that I've had time to reflect on the event," she continued, smiling wickedly at him as she stared deep into his eyes. "I've come to a conclusion that I think shall make you happy to know."
"And what's that?" he said again, tilting his head closer to hers.
She stood up on tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "You really are so impressive."
He chuckled deeply and whispered in her ear in return, "Sort of, yeah."
Rose giggled, and there was a slight pause, and then neither of them were sure who exactly moved first or how quickly but all of a sudden they were snogging rather passionately against the TARDIS doors.
After a few minutes, at some point during which the Doctor had hoisted one of her legs around his hip, Rose pushed against his chest slightly to break off their kiss. Panting, she murmured, "Do you reckon we ought to tell the Princes that they have a lunatic on their premises?"
He stared at her in confusion with a glazed-over expression. "What?"
"You know, that Adrienne woman!" she explained impatiently.
"Rose, are you seriously thinking about her right now?" he asked, his brows furrowing.
"No, but I just – you know – what if...I dunno, maybe she really is crazy and will start killing people, and - "
He shook his head, trying to clear his clouded thoughts. "Rose," he said quickly, interrupting her. "I'm sure the hundred guards they have inside the palace alone are well equipped to deal with her, should such a situation arise. Which I doubt it will."
Rose narrowed her eyes at him, then. "Why you?" she asked suspiciously. "Why is it always you who gets into situations like that?"
His lips quirked upwards and he squeezed her left thigh, which he was holding up, reassuringly. "Rose, I can promise you, the amount of times I've actually been in situations like that are very, very, very infinitesimally few."
She arched an eyebrow. "What about this?" she asked quietly.
"What about what?" he asked, confused again.
"This," she emphasised, glancing between them. She swallowed thickly. "How many times have you been in exactly this situation?"
His eyes widened. "Kissing someone against the TARDIS doors with their leg wrapped around my hip?" he checked for clarification.
"Yes, exactly."
He gave a little chuckle. "Pretty sure this is a first." He touched the wall of the TARDIS, then, murmuring a half-hearted apology to his ship for their nefarious activities in this particular location. He glanced back at Rose and waggled his eyebrows. "Though I'm sure the old girl doesn't really mind, seeing as it's you, and for some reason entirely unbeknownst to me, she likes you," he teased.
Rose smiled and looped her arms around his neck. "In that case..." she said softly, moving her mouth back to his.