Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this story. I got caught up in the other adventure stories and let this slide. It will be short - only one or two more chapters. Thanks!
He'd come up with one hundred thirty-two – although a couple of them were variations on a theme. Yup, one hundred thirty-two, and right now he wanted to try each and every one. Of course he'd have to borrow a sarcophagus but that was probably a minor detail. Nope – he was ready to kill the President and everyone in this room in all one hundred and thirty-two ways.
He'd been sitting in the damn conference room for what felt like eons, although his watch told him it had only been six hours. Still, they were some of the most painful six hours he'd ever spent, and he included Iraq and his little jaunt with Ba'al in that comparison.
He'd thought Earth diplomats could be full of crap – but aliens were ten times worse. At least most of the ones here were. He had to admit that Lya and Antaeus were okay. The others – well, suffice it to say he was never naming any future children after any of them.
The Tollan delegation, headed up by a man by the name of Falin, was the most arrogant bunch he'd ever met – and that was saying something, considering he'd spent years fighting the Goa'uld. Not only were they arrogant, they would barely engage with the lowly 'Tauri' whom they considered to be nothing short of Neanderthals. There were many times Jack wanted to point out that the lowly 'Tauri' had saved the Tollan butts. He knew it was useless however. Anyone that superior wasn't going to pay any attention to him.
Then there were the Tokr'a. Anise/Freya was part of the delegation and he actually didn't have too much trouble with her/them. He knew Sam disliked them intensely, but he could take or leave the sexy alien. Her companion however – now there was another someone he'd like to practice one of those one hundred and thirty-two methods on. Ber'sil was – he was – he was an absolute ass! Jack had a hard time thinking of anyone he'd ever disliked more. Simmons probably and certainly Senator Kinsey – but that was probably it. Compared to Ber'sil he considered good old Bocce a close and personal friend.
The man/Tokr'a was arrogant – that went without saying. He was also supercilious, condescending, ignorant and a total snake. And Jack didn't mean that ironically. He wouldn't trust the Tokr'a in any way shape or form. In fact, he planned to keep a very close eye on Ber'sil.
The Asgaard. Well, that had quite surprised and disappointed him. He'd always liked the little gray guys (okay, except maybe for Loki) but the one who was on this joint council was just plane – creepy. He'd really hoped that Thor would be their representative but his friend told him that the Asgaard High Council felt that he was too close to the humans, especially O'Neill, to be impartial.
"But I didn't want you to be impartial Thor", Jack had complained. "I wanted you to convince the others to forget this stupid idea and just go back to – doing what you all do, which is for the most part ignoring us."
"I am sorry O'Neill. I tried but they would not let me take part. Instead I will ensure that Samantha and your children have a good 'family vacation' while they are here. Sadly that is all I can do."
Sighing heavily Jack grimaced and thanked his little buddy. "Yeah, and I get to be in a room full of idiots the whole time. Remind me next time to ignore the President when he says he wants to see me."
So here he sat, in a stuffy room light years from home. He peered around the generic chamber and had to laugh at the fact that conference rooms and meetings were much the same in whatever part of the galaxy you were from. He'd just been surprised that someone hadn't decided to pull out a powerpoint presentation showing the inferiority of the human race in ten slides or less.
"We are getting nowhere", Falin said, his deep voice cutting off Lya, who had been trying to suggest a compromise. "I say we just vote and get this over with. We all know the Tauri aren't ready for this. It will cause havoc throughout the universe!"
"Kind of like the Goa'uld?" O'Neill asked. "Oh wait! They aren't causing havoc any more, are they? Now why is that I wonder?" Jack tapped his hand on his cheek, looking like he was pondering something carefully. "Oh, I know – it's because the Tauri got rid of them!"
Ber'sil spoke quickly. "It is arrogant for the Tauri to take responsibility for ridding the galaxy of the Goa'uld since the Tokr'a were fighting them for millennia."
"Yeah – and you did such a great job of it", replied O'Neill. "Face it folks", he continued, "withouth the Tauri, which you continue to claim are incapable of being an equal, you'd all be up shits creek. None of you could do a damn thing about the Goa'uld or the replicators before we came along. We're the ones who saved your collective butts."
Everyone started to speak at once while Jack simply sat back and crossed his arms. He watched everyone at the table, wishing he could be anywhere but here. It was only when he saw Lya give him a small smile that he felt himself calm down. At least the Nox were reasonable people, even if they did carry the pacifist thing a bit far.
"Order everyone", Gullveig pounded his gavel. He was the representative of the Asgaard, and Jack didn't like him either. He hadn't said too much, but he appeared not to like Jack – which he found rather surprising. He'd always gotten along well with most of the Asgaard and he didn't know where this was coming from.
"Order," he repeated. "There is no purpose served in this. I suggest we all take a short break and return to discuss trade issues."
Jack stood and stretched, hating the feeling of being stuck in a chair all day. He wanted to see Sam and Alex and Kate – that would be the best break of all. As he turned to leave he noticed Falin and Ber'sil leaving the room together. He wondered what they were planning to hatch up between them.
He walked quickly down the long hallway to where he could hear shrieks of baby laughter. Thor had had a play room built for the kids, which was every child's dream. He was wondering how he and Sam would compete when they returned to earth.
"So, you guys all staying out of trouble?" He was rewarded by six pairs of eyes turning to look at him and happy squeals from Kate and Alex.
"Jack!" Sam got up off the floor from where she was playing with the baby. "Are you done?"
"No – just taking a break. How's everything going?"
"Great", she told him. Daniel gave a small wave, although he and Thor were on the ground with Alex playing 'twains'.
"Hi Daddee!" Alex shouted, Thomas clutched carefully in his hand.
"Hi son. You having fun?"
"Yes. Tor and Uncow Danny awr pwaying wif me. Uncow Danny's siwwy!"
"I know. I've been saying that for years!"
"Jack!" he archaeologist friend complained. "Be mean to me and I won't offer to help with the negotiations!"
"I take it back Daniel. You are the least silly, most intelligent, wise man I know."
"Yeah right. You don't have to lay it on that thick." Daniel replied in humorous disgust.
"No really Daniel", Jack cried. "You are both intelligent and wise – at least in things like this. I could really use you."
"Is it going that bad?"
"Worse", he said shortly. "They are all a bunch of" he looked at his children and quickly changed what he'd been going to say. "Idiots!"
"Even Lya and Antaeus", Sam asked in surprise.
"No, not them – but everyone else. Unfortunately the Nox aren't particularly aggressive and in a meeting like this their voices quickly get drowned out."
"So what do you think is going to happen?" Daniel asked worriedly. Teal'c, who had also been sitting and playing with Kate, looked up in curiosity.
"What's going to happen? They'll probably close off relations with us. Then, in a couple of years there'll be some new threat out there and we'll get a call from one of them asking us to go and save their butts." He blew out a frustrated breath. "I really wonder why we bother sometimes. I think we might be happier without the lot of them."
"O'Neill, it is time to return." An Asgaard – he didn't think he knew his name – came by to tell him the meeting was starting again. He kissed each of his family and slowly walked to the door. "Do you think they'd believe me if I claimed I was coming down with the Bubonic Plague and couldn't go back?"
"They'd just offer to heal you Jack", his wife told him, shaking her head in sympathy. "I'm afraid there's really no way out of this."
"I can't believe the President actually thought I'd be any good at this. Daniel, you coming? I could use a sane voice beside me."
The two men returned to the meeting room. Daniel's presence caused everyone to have to move their chairs, which ticked off the Tollan royally. Jack decided there and then that he'd ask Teal'c to join next. That would really drive the man crazy.
He let Daniel do most of the talking for Earth after that, although it wasn't long before he saw his friend grow as frustrated as he had been. When Daniel actually snapped at Anise/Freya he almost burst out laughing. It was so good to know he wasn't the only one who wanted to zat the whole lot of them.
Just about the time he thought Daniel was going to jump up and throw himself across the table at Falin, he pushed over his sheet of paper listing the 'one hundred and thirty-two ways of getting rid of really irritating people'. Daniel frowned when he first started reading it but after a moment Jack could see his lips turn up in a grin.
It was when Daniel actually picked up his own pencil and started to add things to the bottom of the list that Jack burst out laughing.
"You find this amusing", Ber'sil's symbiote, Rai'both asked in his Goa'uldy voice, the anger very evident. He'd been going on about something – Jack wasn't quite sure what it was – when his laughter had interrupted him.
"Oh, I don't find you amusing in the least", he replied seriously. "No – not amusing at all." He glanced side-ways at Daniel and whispered. "Too bad, cause I like amusing people!"
Ber'sil/Rai'both obviously heard him with his super-duper, Tokr'a hearing and looked ready to explode. "We do not have to put up with this insolence and disrespect", he cried, standing up and causing his chair to crash backwards.
Jack stood up as well, albeit more slowly. He smiled and shook his head at Daniel, who had reached out and put his hand on his arm in warning. "It's okay", he said. He then turned to look at the seething Tokr'a, his grin fading. "Who do you think we are?" he asked softly. "We are not children – contrary to your constant reiterations, and I will treat you how I see fit. Do not dare to presume to tell me what to say or how to say it. You are neither my parent nor my teacher nor my commanding officer. As soon as the Tokr'a, and the Tollan" he looked at Falin, "and the Asgaard, start treating us with respect, I will return the favor. I am sick to death of being spoken down to, of being treated like someone with no rights or choices and being referred to as a child. The Tauri are no children and all you have to do is ask Ra, Apophis, Nirti, Hathor, Seth, Heru'ur, Ba'al – shall I continue?"
When no one spoke he went on. "There are many others out there who owe their survival to the Tauri. There are also many other enemies who are no longer a threat due to us. We are learning, it is true, but we are also contributing to the good of the entire galaxy. You can decide to cut your treaties with Earth, but know that it goes two ways. If you do that, don't ever bother asking us for help for anything again."
He turned to the Tokr'a. "We've pulled your asses out of the fire more times than I can count. Without the Tauri you'd still be fighting the Goa'uld and getting nowhere. And you", he looked at the Tollan. "You think you're so superior and yet you would not have survived if it wasn't for us. You sit there on your perfect little world, thinking you are too good for the rest of us – and what has happened? Your world has stagnated. You do not learn or look to others to discover new things because you know it all. You are fools."
Jack took a deep breath, glancing at Daniel to see if the man was having a conniption. Instead the quintessential diplomat that was Dr. Jackson Jack a huge grin and a 'thumbs up' – so Jack continued. "And the Asgaard", he told Gullveig, "I've always considered you friends and allies. I am both surprised and hurt at the fact that you are a part of this. Again, you are pleased to turn to us when you need us, but if we do something you don't like you're the first to turn against us. I really don't think I want my children to retain Asgaard citizenship if this is the kind of people you are!"
There was silence in the room which was finally broken by Lya. "And what about the Nox O'Neill?" she asked, clearly waiting for some kind of condemnation.
"You guys are great", Jack told them. "although I do have a bit of trouble with your extreme pacifism. I kind of figure that not doing anything actually is doing something – if you know what I mean. But that aside, you've always treated the Tauri fairly and with respect. I just wish the rest of these – uh – the rest of the representatives here would listen to you."
"Thank you General", Antaeus answered. "We try." One by one he looked at each representative around the table. "I must say that I agree with General O'Neill. I believe it is selfish for those of you who have relied on the Tauri so many times over the past years to turn aside from them over this. We should welcome their world with open arms."
"But the people of Earth are ignorant. They know nothing about the Stargate or about the galaxy." Falin spit out.
"What? Are you kidding? Didn't you hear what I just said? We've been travelling through the Gate successfully for years. And Colonel Carter is one of the foremost experts on the Gate – on any planet anywhere."
"But it is true that many on your world have not yet heard of the Stargate", Gullveig interjected. "what if they cause problems when it becomes common knowledge?" he asked. "And can we take that chance?"
"That's what living is all about", the General informed them. "If each of your peoples had not taken a chance at one time, where do you think you'd be? We will make mistakes; there is no doubt about that. Does that mean we should never learn about new things, never explore, never change? Of course not. I am happy to tell you some of the things that Earth will put into place when the Gate is opened. You can be assured that we will not let people use it indiscriminately."
Again it was the little Asgaard who spoke. "There is much for us to think about", he said. "It is true that the Tauri have been valuable allies, which General O'Neill has indicated will stop if we cancel our treaties with them. This is something we must consider carefully, however I believe we are all tired. I suggest we retire for the day and return tomorrow morning to continue."
Both Jack and Daniel sighed and stretched. They'd both known it was unlikely that things would have been decided in one day, but neither man wanted to return for more of the useless discussion.
"God Jack – how did you stay sane sitting in there all day?" Daniel and he headed down to meet up with the rest of SG1. "I wanted to shoot them all and I'm used to talking with arrogant idiots."
"But probably not so many of them at one time! It was tough although I spent a lot of time not listening."
"Oh right – making your 'list'. You'll have to start a new one tomorrow."
Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Daniel.
"What's this?" Daniel unfolded it and looked and then burst out laughing. "When did you do this?"
"Before the other one," Jack shrugged.
Daniel read it over. "You should copy this and hand it out tomorrow. Maybe it'll shut them up."
"I doubt it. I don't think they really care – they've already made up their minds."
"Yeah, but showing them this", he waved the paper, "will make what you said real."
Jack reached out and took his list of 'times the Tauri saved your asses', folded it and put it in his pocket. "Maybe. I think though that we need something else, something that will really get their attention. Unfortunately I can't think of anything."
"We need something Ancient", Daniel muttered.
"What?"
"Something Ancient – you know, like the chair – the one that you whupped Anubis' ass with. That would really show them!"
"And what would I do with it? It's not like I plan to wipe out the Asgaard. Although, now that I think of it, I could get rid of Ber'sil and Falin. That would make life much easier!" Just then they reached Jack and Sam's quarters, which had become the regular meeting place of SG1 – both present and past."
"So how did it go Sir", Cam asked, standing up when Jack entered.
"Mitchell, how many times do I have to tell you that you can call me Jack now? I'm retired you know."
"Yes Sir", he answered, at which point everyone laughed.
Jack sighed and grinned. "It was more of the same I'm afraid", he told his friends. "They don't want to listen to anything. I'm pretty sure they've already made up their minds."
"And there's nothing we can do?" Sam asked, a worried frown on her face. She hated the thought of what might happen if they were to lose their allies.
"No, although I wish -" Jack suddenly got a strange look on his face and stopped.
"What is it you wish for O'Neill?" Teal'c was rocking back and forth, trying to put Kate to sleep. The baby had her head on his shoulder, her hand bunched up in his shirt. Her eyes were drooping and it was obvious it wouldn't be long before she fell asleep.
"I was just going to say I wish we could quit before they fired us!" he said, still thinking about something. "And you know what", he continued a minute later. "I think that's exactly what we're going to do."
"Jack?" his wife asked worriedly. "What are you planning?"
"Me? Well, they expected us to come and beg them not to punish us for trying to get above ourselves. You know us – we're those 'uppity' Tauri who have to be taught our place in the back of the bus. Well, as far as I'm concerned, we can just take a page from one of the great heroines of the 20th century, Rosa Parks. We're not going to take it anymore. The Tauri are officially 'on strike'."