The engaged couple boarded the train early the next morning. Anthony watched Edith closely as she withdrew into herself while the miles passed by their window. He understood her distance; she was stepping back into a part of her life with which he had nothing to do. But he knew the pain she was suffering and it worried him. He wanted to help but he knew this was something she had to face largely on her own. All he could do was to be there beside her and hold her when she cried.
Edith felt him watching her. She knew he was worried and a part of her wanted to reassure him. But she just couldn't face those tender, love ridden eyes of his. She was hurting, almost drowning in the pain of losing her Robbie and if she looked at Anthony, it would be too confusing. So she watched the countryside roll by.
They arrived in Dunston and departed the train. Anthony walked beside Edith quietly through the village toward the churchyard at the other end. She felt his presence, his quiet concern, and his love and was grateful. As they approached their destination, she realized she could not have done this alone. The graveyard was quiet, just the two of them in the family section. The sight of her baby's name on the cold marble gravestone unraveled Edith and before Anthony could catch her, she fell to the ground beside Robbie's resting place. Kneeling next to her, Anthony tried to offer comfort but understood when it didn't seem to help.
Edith cried until she had no more tears left and then she buried her head into Anthony's chest. Relieved that she seemed to finally be finding some peace, he cradled her to him with his left arm, whispering soothing words as best he could. Her pain was pulling at something in his chest, however, and speaking was difficult.
Somehow his broken voice cut through Edith's grief, like a knife slicing open a roll and she pulled away from him, staring into his face. His normally bright blue eyes stared back, cloudy and grief ridden but filled with love as well. As much as she was mourning Robbie, he was mourning her pain. Left on her own, she would have drowned in her sorrow, she realized. But because of him, she had things to which she could look forward. And somehow, despite her grief, that knowledge excited her in a whole new manner. "I'm finished here," she said softly. "I'd like to come back from time to time, but this is my past. No more crying and grieving…I am only looking forward now, to my life with you; the life we will build together."
Anthony bashfully smiled that wonderfully awkward smile of his. "As am I," he replied somberly. "But we mustn't forget little Robbie, for he is a part of you." Then snuggling her against his left side, he turned them and they began the journey forward.
They missed the last train and so were required, as he'd suggested, to find an inn in the village. Edith knew from her time at Dunsmore Hall that the little inn above the tavern was the best choice. It was old but well kept and clean. The other choice in the village, Dorsett Arms, was unkempt and the owner surly. So they freshened up in their rooms above the tavern and met downstairs for a light supper before retiring for the night.
Edith gave Anthony time to settle and then quietly crept to his door, opening it carefully and slipping into his room. Moonlight shone through the window and she could see his form on top of the bed, his long legs stretched out and his hand behind his head. He was still almost fully clothed, only his coat and tie missing. It was as if he were expecting that she would need him. "Edith?" he asked. "Are you alright?" He sat upright, swinging his legs around and standing as his feet met the floor.
"I….I'm sorry,' she said hesitantly. "But I don't want to remain alone in my room…"
'Alright then," he said softly. "Give me a moment and I'll slip back into my coat and meet you outside." He was reaching for his coat as he spoke.
"No, you misunderstand. I don't want to go back downstairs,' she said as she moved towards him. "I want…could I…could we …just stay here? You could hold me? I…I don't want to be around other people but…I need you…"
Edith could feel his hesitation, could imagine the various expressions running across his features as he contemplated his answer. He stood very still and she knew he was staring at her, dumbfounded no doubt. Finally he spoke, his voice low and unsure. "I'm not sure that would be…appropriate, as much as I would like to do just that… and more." The last came as a whisper.
She took a bolder step to him. "I don't care. We've done everything appropriately. And it has cost us both dearly. I want to be with you tonight, Anthony. I need to be with you. I need you to make me forget the pain. Please…let me stay with you. Please love me…love me as I've wanted you to love me since our first ride in the car together all those years ago. Please Anthony, don't make me wait any longer…make me happy."
She heard his long exhale and felt his resolve fall away. Reaching for his face with both her hands, she caressed his stubbly cheeks. "I love you Anthony…please…hold me and love me back?"
Her plea undid all of Anthony's self-discipline. His left armed wrapped around her tiny waist and he pulled her to him, his head ducking, his lips meeting hers in hungry abandon. "Oh my darling Edith," he whispered between kisses. "My dearest darling Edith…"
From the beginning Edith knew this night would not be like any of her nights with William. To begin with, she didn't have to close her eyes and pretend it was Anthony caressing her. The real Anthony was so much more tender and loving than any of her imaginings…and oh so much more exciting. He went slowly, reminding her that while it might not be the first time for either of them, it was their own special first time. He wanted it to be special for her. And so she tried to be patient, but she wanted him so badly, so completely.
He managed to thrill her with his one hand in ways William had never done with both of his. And the reverence he showed her as he kissed and caressed made her feel like a goddess. She didn't think she would ever tire of hearing his whispered declarations of her beauty. And when he finally entered her, Edith was quite sure that even heaven wasn't quite as pleasant. It was if her every prayer and yearning was finally answered as they became one.
Even then, he took his time, filling her so wholly joyously that she felt she would burst from it. It was too much and yet, not enough. Her body began to move with is, as if it had a mind of its own. Edith bit her lower lip trying to contain all that he made her feel but it spilled out anyway in not so quiet moans and gasps. She could feel him building toward his own release. It was something she'd hoped would come quickly with William but not so with her Anthony, for he was really hers now. No, she wanted this to last. When his explosion did come it send her flying over a precipice, free and divine, elated in her flight and in her fall back to earth.
As she began to breathe again, she felt his satisfaction and his exhaustion. His arm shook as he held himself over her and she sensed his blue eyes gazing down at her, questioning, even as he fought to catch his breath. Her hands went to his head, caressing in his hair above his ears. "Oh my love, that was… wonderful," she cooed happily.
His relief sounded in a deep sigh. "Really? I was afraid I might have overdone…"
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him down to her. "No my darling, not at all. You were heavenly."
She felt the tension leave his body and the subtle chuckle that rose from his belly. "I'm awfully happy to hear that, my dear. Because I'm afraid I might want to repeat that from time to time…" he teased.
"I do hope so, I really, really do…" she whispered as she began to nibble at his ear, eliciting a low moan from him.
A month later they were married at the little church in Downton village. Rev. Travers was once again officiating and looked at Anthony nervously as Edith made her way down the aisle. Everyone relaxed as the service began and Anthony showed no signs of bolting. After spending a blissful six weeks travelling around Europe for their honeymoon, the happy couple returned to Locksley to begin building the life they had dreamed of for so long.
Later this week I'll post the epilogue. I still have some tweaking to do. I do appreciate everyone reading along and commenting too! I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.