Thanks to GilmoreRos, M, Alice, fookyeahskins, DontBeIgnorant23, gerlierana, fakevegan, shewritesforher for leaving one, and the rest that subscribed for alerts. Hopefully you guys will leave one too, one day yeah.

I tip my hat to Salinger and Chbosky for this one.

Chapter Five – Pitter Patter Goes My Heart

Naomi

I didn't text Emily, or asked her to 'hang out' like what I suggested. Man, I didn't know what led me to start that text conversation with her that day. I knew we were having the same class for that morning. That knowledge just made me all jittery and fidgety as I walked into class with James. I knew, I KNEW where she would be seated at and my eyes looked for her at that spot. Her eyes were looking straight, back at me. I don't know who started the looking first, maybe it was I, maybe it was her. But I think I looked first because I knew I was looking, though I really wished she were the one that was looking first at me. I'd let her win, because I'm not counting.

Her eyes, knocked me out, winded me, smiled at me and told me it was okay to look because she was smiling at me in a way that didn't make me feel stupid that I looked first. I couldn't stop the huge smile bursting out from my face. I think it got its battery charged from the sunrays pouring through the classroom window. I felt like a dork, a fool, to let someone's eyes have that kind of effect on me.

And I would have walked her to class if not for Angela's interruption. I got to give it to her, Angela really knows how to get my attention. She's hot, the kind of girl that you want to shag. And there's the other type of girl that's pretty, shy, you want her to be your best friend and shagging her doesn't come out strong on your list of wants because she's too perfect to think of her in that way. Angela falls into the former category, and she's my girlfriend and I'm allowed to think of her in that way. Plus I'll admit, sometimes I have the mind of a fourteen-year-old teenage boy. Almost as bad as James.

I lost myself in Angela's kiss, just because she pushed her way into my mouth. My sensors flared up and I gave in to my stupid teenage brain. I don't know why but I was nervous about Angela meeting Emily. I mean, it shouldn't be a big deal right. I wasn't cheating on her in any way; just getting to know more about this girl that's helping me with my studies. But I felt awkward, like I needed to take them both away from each other.

I had to walk Angela to class when she requested. She's the girlfriend after all. Emily's just… a very pretty girl that I wanted to walk to class but nothing more. Though, I did catch her slightly downcast expression as I turned back one last time to look at her as she walked away. I don't know why, but it hurt me to see her with that look which could be caused by me. Maybe she was really wanting to spend some time getting to know me; maybe she was sad for some other reasons unknown to me.

The last couple of weeks were pure exhaustion, chaos. I went for practice four times a week; I went on three dates with Angela; I did two sessions with Emily; I volunteered to teach basketball to a bunch of kids at a community center. All these were done for two weeks. So that's eight practice sessions… and so on and so forth, though I did manage to cut down on a date with the girlfriend, freeing up some time for studies. I was running thin on energy. Every night I would crawl into bed and knock myself out and drag myself out of bed the next day where the routine would start again.

Can't blame coach, our first match was coming up and we got to win it to have a chance at finals this year. She was pushing not just me but the whole team hard. Today was no exception. I was practicing my layup. I wanted perfection; I needed perfection so that every time when there's an interception or a turnover and the ball is entrusted onto me, I would deliver the shot. I need it to be perfect because every shot is a shot closer to victory. I was so frustrated with the way my wrist would flick the ball into the hoop. It was weak, it was unsteady, and I hated myself for not being how I wanted it to be, perfect.

Exhausted, I headed for the showers and blasted the cold water on my tense muscles, relishing how the water cascaded down my head and body, washing away my insecurities. Moments like this make you realise that you've tried your hardest best, that you gave a hundred and ten percent, and it's enough. I'll improve during the next practice. I'm improving.

I toweled dry and slipped on a fresh pair of shorts and t-shirt. I felt better. Everything's better after a shower. Truth.

I hurried out of the school doors and down to my bicycle parked at the stands. I was finally going home for dinner, a little me time today. First I'd have a great dinner with mom, watch the telly for an hour or so, drag myself to complete some coursework, text the girlfriend to ensure I haven't forgotten about her, then knock myself out for eight hours straight. That's the plan.

As I was unchaining my bicycle, I caught a familiar figure coming down the steps from the corner of my eye. Emily was hurrying down the steps, her head tilted up at the sky. Did I mention I like her neck? It looks so long and elegant. I was so afraid she would trip over her feet and fall. She was in a skirt again, black one this time, and a striped long-sleeved t-shirt. Still nice.

I looked up at the sky myself. Dark clouds were slowly gathering and obscuring the pale sun; it was a sign of an impending rain.

"EMILY!" I yelled and threw up an arm to wave.

She turned her head at my outburst and smiled, the surprised but happy kind of smile and hurried towards me. "Just ended practice?" She asked.

"Yeah, what about you? Why are you still in school?"

"I was – I was helping out at the library." The last few words came out so softly and shyly that I almost missed it.

"Library? You help out there? That's – "

"Uncool?" Her cheeks were reddening.

"Nice." I corrected her.

"Nice." She repeated, nodding absently to herself.

"I think it's going to rain soon, let me send you home." Truthfully I was exhausted but seeing Emily just made all these tiredness vanish away. I found a new energy source somewhere in my body that I never knew of.

"No it's okay I could wait for the bus."

I tried to entice her, "But the bus would take a while, I would have you home in a jiffy."

"What makes you think your peddling would be faster than the motor engine of the bus?" She stared at me with twinkling eyes, a smile threatening to break out from her lips. I liked the way those lips twitched at the corners, even if they were laughing at me. I made her laugh. I don't care how.

"I… I can use shortcuts the bus can't." I confidently stated, my mind trying to use my own from of google map, searching for shortest distance from current location to destination.

"Well…" She dragged out. I never wished so fervently for something. "Are you sure it's on the way? 'Cause I don't want…"

"Definitely." I interjected, lying. Always lying to send this pretty girl home on my bicycle.

"Alright. Then let's hurry before it pours!"

I quickly put on my windbreaker, pulled out my bicycle from the stands, set it on the road and got on. Emily quickly hopped up onto the passenger seat and slipped her arms automatically around my waist, like a natural. Truthfully this was only the second time I was sending her home. For the last couple of weeks, she has politely declined my offer stating that she'd somewhere else to be or I myself having somewhere else to be.

But this feels like we've done it many times. I don't even send the girlfriend on my bicycle. In fact she hates to sit at the passenger seat. She complained that it was hard and painful after that one time where I sent her home. I never offered again after that.

Can you say that you miss something even if you've had it for only a short period of time? An ephemeral sensation? Yes? I don't care, I call the shots. I miss having Emily's arms around me. The way she held on to me, not too tight to show she didn't trust my riding skills, not too loose to mark that we're actually really close acquaintances. I liked the way her arms clung onto me. That simple.

"You gotta go faster, I see the dark clouds gathering!" Emily yelled at me over the wind.

I took the shortcut, riding into the park. This way would save some time. I was conflicted; I didn't know if I should get her home quickly or try to keep her with me for reasons I haven't figured out yet.

As if on cue, huge drops of rain, the size of golf balls started smothering down on us. One hit me on the tip of my nose, the rest started to land themselves on my head and windbreaker. In a matter of seconds, we were curtained by the angry rain beating down on us. Emily shouted something about getting shelter. That was what I thought too; we were never going to make it to her house in this downpour. I increased my speed and rode us to the nearest shelter in the park.

The shelter was like one of those you find in the park; domed shaped roof held up by four wooden pillars, not large, no bench, nothing. Obviously it was only built for people to take temporal shelter and not provide for any sort of comfort.

My hair was matted with rain. I brushed the hair out of my face and eyes ungainly; I think I look like a mess right now, ruffled hair and all. The rain didn't drench my clothes; luckily I had my windbreaker on, effectively repelling the water. I turned to look at Emily. She was fluffing out her very wet brown hair, beads of rain were tumbling down her face and neck and her top was damp with the rain. It clung onto her a little tighter than before. These were somehow making my mind travel a little further. I wished I were those raindrops; I wished I was that striped top.

"Oh god I think I look awful." Emily's voice broke me out of my dazed staring. Shit I was staring, no wonder she was conscious. She pulled her sleeves up past her elbows and tried to comb her hair with the tips of her fingers. Her hand was shaking a little, I wondered if she was cold.

"You still look," I walked up to her and gently used my thumb and forefinger to remove a petulant strand of hair stuck to her cheek, and tucked it behind her ear, "Nice."

"Nice." She repeated the word again, her eyes avoiding mine.

Honestly I think 'nice' is a major understatement to describe her. I will need to expand my vocabulary of adjectives to describe her. 'Beautiful' would be the top top word, but she would think I'm inappropriate and hitting on her. Maybe 'pretty?' Still crossing that line here.

Sometimes words fail, and all you need is actions, so I brought my hand to her hair and threaded her hair through my fingers untangling the ends. Her smooth hair slipped through my fingers like silk. I wondered how her hair would feel on my face if she hovered over me in bed leaning down to kiss me. I think my hand was shaking. I think my brain digressed again. Typical.

"There. Beautiful." Oh fuck did I just say that out loud? That was supposed to stay in my stupid head!

Her cheeks reddened again and a bashful smile appeared. "I bet you say this to all the girls."

I was rendered speechless. Do I? Say this word to all the girls? Maybe? But I meant it this time Emily! I wanted to let her know I really did.

"Anyway," she continued, "You were supposed to get me home faster than the bus and before it rained as you claimed." She gave me a tiny pout. I think my heart exploded with the cuteness. "Look where we are now, I'm having the worst time of my life, the weather's shit, the company's even worse."

I raised my eyebrow at her and she smirked to show that she was kidding. I laughed. We laughed together. More friendship points for us. Thank fuck for the rain.

"Doesn't look like it's going to stop any time soon." I peered at the overcast sky. The dark clouds were occasionally rimmed with light, indicating flashes of lightning activity happening somewhere above.

"Hmph. I was supposed to be home."

"Yeah me too." I had a plan too. Dinner, telly, coursework, sleep. What a surprise change of plan and I somehow welcomed that. "Well fuck it." I dragged my bicycle to the middle of the shelter and sat down beside it. I tilted my head at Emily to the spot beside me, indicating that she sit too.

She sort of hesitated and frowned a little, but she carefully folded her skirt around her and sat demurely with her calves tucked at the side of her. Her actions, I can't – It's so – pretty. I wondered if Angela sat as prettily as Emily. Wait, Angela doesn't sit on dirty floors. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. That's what Caulfield said.

I twiddled with my thumbs wondering what I should say. It wasn't the uncomfortable type of silence. It was the type of kind of silence I want broken cause I wanted to talk to her, to know everything about her, to hear her voice but I was scared to be a blubbering and incoherent fool.

"Sorry yeah… for this." I managed to squeeze something lame out.

"No. Don't be." She replied softly and added with a cheeky smile, "Though you owe me one Campbell."

Owe what? A date? A kiss? A – I stammered something incoherent and unintelligent. I could fucking kick myself in the ass. What is this? Naomi, you useless, useless…

"An extra session with me." Emily stated, looking at me triumphantly.

YES. No I didn't yell that out. I would agree to anything involves Emily and myself, though I would have hoped for something else. This would do. I faked a dramatic groan, "Alright…" I dragged the word out.

We sat in silence for a bit, listening to the rain drum on the roof. A blast of wind blew into the shelter and I saw Emily shiver a little and chafed her palms on her forearms. Oh right, her clothes were still wet from the rain.

"Are you cold?"

She shook her head, "No I'm fine."

I unzipped my windbreaker, took it off in one fluid motion and draped it over her shoulders. "No you're not, you're shivering."

"Share?" She held open the left side of the jacket. She looked unsure. I wished she didn't look unsure because I would gladly have huddled with her. It's just; I don't know what's stopping me.

"Okay." I pushed whatever thoughts aside and scooted closer throwing the other side of the jacket around me. My right arm was flushed against her left arm; her both thighs rested a fraction on my right thigh as I sat cross-legged. We had to have this close proximity because the jacket couldn't cover both of use if we sat a mile apart. This was the closest we ever got to each other.

My heart was hammering, pitter-pattering like the rain. I wished it wasn't so loud. I think it's the rain, or it could be my heart. I could smell her hair; it still had a faint fruity smell of her shampoo. I could see her neck as she had tucked her hair over to her right side. I was even close enough to admire her smooth, porcelain skin, slightly red cheeks and minimal eyeliner. I wasn't staring; I was looking at her from the corner of my eye. I'm learning her; give me some credit.

My body was tingling. You know that sensation in your body where suddenly, somehow some reaction took place, some chemical change, that makes your heart beat faster, your fingertips turn cold, all that stuff. How can you be pressed against someone and not feel something! It's either you don't feel anything for that person or… you have feelings. I have feelings for Emily? Fuck.

No it can't be. Naomi, get a grip. It's not possible. You've known her for three weeks or so and yes you enjoy spending time with her but that just means you really like her as a friend. You like her. She's nice. That's why you're feeling this way. Nothing more.

"So you help out in the library?" I had to say something before my mind grew legs and ran around in circles.

"Yeah, just recently, a couple of times a week, shelve the books, do some paperwork. Nothing much." She shrugged, like it was nothing. But it was, to me, because there she was looking like she was ashamed of it. Besides, I'll know where she would be at certain days in case I'd like to stalk – I meant – visit her.

"I think it's great! You know, helping out. At least you care about something. I could visit you. I mean with James and Effy and…"

"Naomi," said my name with a disapproving tone. I like the way she said my name; I like the way she mouthed it with her lips. It felt like she had said it a thousand times; it had fluency to it. I almost missed the tone. "You lot would make a ruckus there, at least I know Cook will. Besides, that's not the point of visiting a library." Her eyes were dancing with laughter. I didn't take it personally because she knew I wasn't laughing at her; she knew I cared enough to be ridiculous to want to visit her in the library, with the noisiest entourage.

"Fine. I'll come alone." I winked at her and she replied by lowering her pretty head and giving an I-give-up shake with a smile on her face.

"What about you? Long practice?"

"Yeah." I diagonally shifted my body a little, still keeping our arms and thighs together, trying to block the wind from blowing straight at her. I wanted to protect her, to keep her warm, to be her knight in shining armour and protector of her realm. "Got a game coming up, need to practice my shooting and all. These day I seem to be playing and shooting like shit…"

And to my greatest shock, surprise, astonishment, Emily placed her left hand over mine that was resting on my thigh and gave a gentle squeeze. "You can do it."

"You think so?" I hated how small I suddenly felt. Where was the confident and dependable Naomi, captain of the team, the one all girls want to have?

"I think you can do anything." And she smiled at me with the smile that told me she really did, that it was alright to feel insecure as it's only human, that it was alright to doubt not because we didn't believe in ourselves but sometimes all we need is affirmation, and that she will be there for me, always.

I was looking into her eyes, or she was looking into my eyes. I was terrified, it felt so wrong yet so right. We barely know each other yet I think she likes me. Fuck I'm not sure. I mean, I think I feel it, this, us. I feel it strongly. Sometimes do you feel something for the other person, so strongly that you're sure she feels it too? It must be real, right?

And I was very much aware of how closely we're sitting. Her hand was still on mine. I didn't dare move, or even blink. I was afraid if I did, my brain wouldn't capture this perfect moment, like how you sometimes accidentally shake while snapping a photo and the image is blurred. I was afraid of that.

Suddenly there was a flash of fluorescent bright light and a deafening clap of thunder that echoed through the shelter and beyond our vicinity. We both jumped. Like really, jumped, jolted out of our skins. The jacket fell from our shoulders, she removed her hand from mine, we moved an inch apart. I reached for the jacket and draped it back over our shoulders. She removed her thighs from mine; I hugged them close to my chest; I don't trust my arms.

But our moment was broken. We were both looking away from each other. I was intently surveying the surroundings to my left and she to her right. A weird silence would have settled down upon us if not for the bashing of rain on the roof.

I cleared my throat and blurted the first thing I could think of, "What is the wildest thing you've ever done?"

"Wildest thing?" She repeated in a disbelieving voice and a tiny frown, like she couldn't believe I asked this question. I couldn't believe myself either. Oh the things you ask when you're stuck in the rain with a girl that grows butterflies in your gut.

"Yeah you know like, getting a tattoo or a piercing, ran away from home, shagged in a public toilet… or even cliff jumping." Why did I mention the shagging part? Really sometimes I think my mind is two-thirds inappropriate.

Emily giggled, "Nope none of the above." I must add that we're both looking at each other again. "Though a couple mentioned sound appealing."

I wonder which two. "C'mon you must have done something wild. One time, James set fire to one of the lockers and made me record it on tape."

"Oh so you were the ones that started the fire! They didn't manage to find out who did it." Her eyes were round as saucers, her mouth agape.

"I think they suspected it was James but there wasn't evidence. Anyway those adolescent days are over, we're all cleaned up." I popped the 'p' and grinned at her.

"Wildest thing I'll like to do?" She looked at me and pondered for a bit, "I think… Fallinlove."

I almost didn't catch that, with all that slur in the words, and the rain, and her head which was turned away from me. I was positive she was blushing.

"Why so?" I tried to look at her eyes which she had kept them away from me.

"Because," she looked a little flustered, like she regretted divulging this, "I know people use this all the time but, it's like standing on the edge of a precipice and you're looking at the only bright light in front of you. It's pitch black and you can't even see your fingers, just that tiny light ahead. If you can't see yourself, how can love see you? So the only thing you can do is choose, to take that one step forward over the edge or stay where you are." She looked at me. I kept very still and quiet, egging her to continue. "That one step could cause you to fall and break your heart and leave you dead on your lawn. Or there will be an invisible series of steps that actually will lead you to the light. Isn't taking that step a wild thing to do? It's frightening."

I was lost. Not because I didn't understand her analogy, it was because the way she spoke, the way she used her hands to explain, the way her eyes looked like they were miles away but they were on fire. I was like a moth attracted to her eyes, the fire, the flame. Her flame.

"I'm sure you would know about that," she added in a softer voice, giving me a look I couldn't quite place.

"What do you mean?" I asked. What did this have to do with me?

"You've been in love right? Angela… and the ex-girlfriends…" She trailed off, ducking her head and blushing.

"Well… yeah I think so?"

Truthfully, I'm not even sure. I think I had though, if you counted me getting upset for a few days before James pulled me out and got me really drunk which led me picking up a girl at some club, shagging her and being called her girlfriend a week later. That was the closest. Girls possess me but they're never mine. I was never really theirs. It struck me how frivolous I had taken this love thing all my life.

Angela was a different case. One day, I found her crying at the stairs near the football field when I was going to visit James after football. Her eyes were red and watery, and her nose all blocked up. She was wearing a simple t-shirt and ripped jeans but I thought she was pretty anyway. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her boyfriend cheated on her and broke up with her. I told her that he was a dick and that he didn't appreciate her. She looked at me with her red-rimmed eyes and said I was sweet. I held her hand as I led her to the bathroom to wash up. Once in there, she closed the door, pushed me up against the wall and told me that she has had a crush on me for a while. Then she kissed me; I kissed her, because I can't help myself. It was nice, my mind didn't explode from the kiss, but it was nice. She was single, I was single, and so we got together the next day. Sex with her was great, I did like her, even though she now parades me on her arm like some shiny expensive embellishment.

I promised never to cheat on Angela, or on anyone, because that's just moral-less. Do I love her? I think so. Even though I'll admit, using the words 'I think so' might be a cause for concern but I'm just going to ignore that part for now.

I gave her my best reassuring smile, gingerly reached out my hand and lightly patted her thigh, "I'm sure you'll find that person for you." To my surprise, she turned even redder and bit her lip, averting her eyes from mine again. I took in all the signs, and analysed it like a detective, pouring it out and mapping it in my mind. "Wait… are you – do you like someone?"

"No no no, I don't – " She covered her face with her palms, effectively muffling her voice.

I was lucky that Emily was still hiding behind her hands because I reckon I didn't appear excited for her. Something was tugging at me, something foreign, and something small, tugging at the folds of my heart, unsettling and overturning. I felt my mouth, stiff, unwilling to smile. I ripped it open into a twitch. "Who's that lucky," I couldn't bring myself to say it but I did, "Guy?"

The jacket slid off our shoulders and flumped onto the floor; it landed as hard as my heart did. I didn't even bother to put it back on us. And she still didn't unhide herself. I nudged her shoulder with my hand.

She let her hands fall and brought her knees to her chest instead, hugging them. I was quite aware of how her skirt had slid down to her mid thigh and pooled around her. "He… He's… Urgh!" Emily hid her face into her knees.

I felt a little alarmed. She must really like him, and yeah it's a 'him', she just confirmed it. Here's the part where should I behave like the 'best friend', all probing and digging and gushing with her. Except that I can't do it. I can only say this.

"At least tell me what you like about him."

Emily lifted her head and looked into my eyes. Her cheeks were glazed with a tinge of red, her mouth in a line, teeth chewing her lip, her hair was a little tousled by the wind. She still looked beautiful. It was still stormy outside the shelter but my brain wrapped up the noise and stuffed it into an airtight bag; I could only hear my heart expanding and contracting in my ribcage in a painful wheeze as I held my breath. As her eyes searched my face, it displayed – fear? confusion? awkwardness? It was a combination of everything and nothing. She wasn't giving me a fucking clue.

"I like the way – I like – his eyes." She mumbled, staring straight into my own, looking at me as if I was the only one she's looking at. Then she broke the eye contact.

I could feel a little heat rushing to my cheeks. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her crush, but why did I react this way? She shouldn't be allowed to look at me like that. With those eyes of hers, it's illegal.

I laughed awkwardly, "You got to give me a better clue than this." She shook her head and turned away from me. I poked her sides and she jolted, grabbing my fingers, flashing at me her don't-poke-me eyes. I jolted, too, from the contact. "You gonna let him know?" I dared a question.

"Nah… It's just – nothing, no big deal." She stumbled over her words and released her hands from my delighted fingers, cradling them in her lap instead,

"Okay," I shrugged, "I'll be here if you need a listening ear, though guys are not really my thing." What was I supposed to say but just be the friend I'm supposed to be. "That's wild, liking someone and not letting him know that." I reached for the jacket and covered just her shoulders. I stretched out my legs and supported myself on my elbows. I didn't need to share the jacket anymore. There wasn't a point. "At least do something… tangible, something huge, whatever."

We sat like that and talked for a good long time. I asked about her favourite food, she asked about mine. I asked about her favourite color, she told me about the scar she got on her knee; I talked about basketball more than I should, she listened and shared my excitement; I laid down on the dirty floor, she did the same; I told her about my past, she told me about her parents and annoying brother that shared the same name as James; we both agreed that they should never meet.

It was good; it was appropriate. I liked the way she laughed when I made a joke. I liked the way her eyes danced as she talked about a book she just read. I like the way she drew shapes in the air with her hands as she described an incident at home. I rummaged through my bag and offered her half a chocolate bar, she took it and said that she didn't fancy milk chocolate but she'll eat it because I offered it to her and she was hungry. Most of all, I liked her raspy voice. If she came to my house selling a carton of ice cream with that voice, I would buy the whole shitload and ask her out.

"Hey the rain's stopped!" Emily sat up and got to her feet.

So it has. The sky's cleared up and replaced by the shade of the evening sun. Gold rays mingled with the freshly left rain on the grass around us; everything was aglow, everything smelt like rain, we smelt like the wind after two hours.

"You wear it, I'm fine." I said as Emily tried to hand me my jacket. I got on my bicycle and waited for her to slip on the jacket and hop onto the passenger seat, holding on to my waist again.

I paddled really fast and we barely spoke. In ten minutes, we were outside her house.

"Thanks for the ride," Emily said as she got off, "Though it did take an hour and a half longer than usual." We chuckled.

"I'll go faster next time yeah? Beat the rain."

"Yeah next time." She smiled at me as I realised what I said. "See ya," she gave me a quick hug and hurried up her driveway to the front door before I could even register what happened to me.

And she tucked her brown hair behind her ear and gave a tiny wave and smile before letting herself in.

And in that moment, I swear I fell half in love with her.