Thanks to GilmoreRos, Alice, fookyeahskins, CrystalKR1, CooMaKie, monkeypen, jarv, DNNHK, Megs, M, graytodeath, fakevegan, FrenchJuliett, mUfF MuNcHeR, SA, OliveYew517, dourememberthat, EverybodyNeedsABitOfLove who got me up to a hundred and more. Much appreciation for the first time reviewers too.

Glad some of you enjoyed the game. Do pm me to share your stories if you're dying to tell!

I'm going to London for two days, possibly Thursday and Friday, for the first time in my life so I thought I'd get this up first. Any Londoners would like to show me around or private message me to instruct me on the best cheap shopping/food places? Or where I can potentially meet Lily or Alex. :) I heard you people there are kinda unfriendly. I seriously hope not! (Then I realised most reviewers here aint from the uk even though the stats say otherwise. You guys are really unfriendly! I'm kidding.) I'll still manage and hopefully get some inspiration along the way.

Alright back to the chapter. What this story needs is drama. I think you might be able to gauge how I might possibly write heated scenes? I really think I'll need tips or someone more experienced to write them for me. But for now, don't throw things at me after reading this. I think I expect lots of silent disapproval.

Chapter Nine – The Build Up

Naomi

I jumped on my bicycle and pedaled as fast as my legs could. I only had one thing in mind right now and that was that to let nothing hold me up as I cycled home at breakneck speed.

It was a cold night, the sky stiff and charcoal black, as I made my way home with the aid of the feeble light from scattered lamps along the road. I had my jacket zipped up but it didn't stop the wind from seeping under my skirt and chilling my skin. Tonight, wearing a skirt was a very bad choice on so many levels.

The cold wind streamed past my ears and filled my lungs as I guzzled as much oxygen as I could to fuel my legs. They were on fire now; every part of me was on fire. Everything around me was a tunnel vision.

I finally reached my lawn, hopped off and chained my bicycle up. I quietly opened the front door and got in, hoping my mom was asleep and that I could just creep upstairs without disturbing her.

"Back Naomi?" I heard my mom call out to me. The kitchen light was on and I guess she was there. "Have some tea dear?"

"No thanks mom, why are you still up?" I saw my mom sitting at the table and blowing gently on a steaming hot cup, a stack of opened mail beside her. She was in her sleepwear and looked tired but still giving me one of those smiles, the kind of smile like a mother smiling when her child is home safely.

"Oh I just couldn't get to sleep so I made some tea and opened the mail. I think I feel a little tired now, so I should head to bed." She gave a little yawn.

She wasn't fooling anyone; she waited for me to come back before she could sleep, "You don't have to wait up for me you know, I'm sorry I should have called."

"I didn't," she gave me another tired smile, "Did you have fun at Effy's?"

"Yes I did." Right, I remembered why I rushed home. "I'm feeling pretty knackered myself, think I'm going up now."

"Alright dear, sweet dreams." She sipped on her tea.

"Goodnight mom." I bent down and kissed her cheek lightly.

I think I mentioned before that I love my mom. I respect her a whole lot for keeping this house together, for putting me through school and for making sure I had enough to eat. I just wished she thought more about herself instead of tiring herself out by waiting and worrying unnecessarily about me. I made another mental note that I'll be a better daughter by calling back.

I headed up the stairs to my room. I dumped my bag at the foot of my bed and immediately got into the bathroom.

I whipped off my t-shirt in one fluid motion, pulled off my skirt, unhooked my bra, slipped off my boxers and got into the shower. Turning on both the cold and hot taps, I adjusted the water till it was bordering on hot and just stood there, letting the spray of hot water just cascade over me and coat me like a comforting warm embrace. Closing my eyes, I lifted my head and let the spray comb my blonde hair back feeling the droplets rain down rhythmically on my face and bounce off my body. I felt my muscles automatically relax from the heat and heaved a sigh of relief. A cold shower was what I thought I needed but it didn't seem fitting after pedaling through the chilly night.

My mind instantly flashed back to what happened, smiling when I remembered how sporting Emily was for volunteering and how I was so excited yet so nervous when I partnered her in the game. I finally really knew how the phrase 'butterflies in your stomach' felt like. I was queasy with excitement. I could shit beautiful butterflies. I realise that these feelings are all new, that I've never experienced them before. This attraction to Emily is totally in a different league compared to others. It was never like that with Angela or the rest of the girls before her. All of them felt familiar; Emily feels new. It's either something's really wrong or really right.

I squeezed a dollop of shampoo and started to soap my hair, my mind reeling with images – like the memory of my hand on Emily's breast. I actually had my hand on her breast. Okay technically it wasn't on the bare flesh but over her top and her bra, that sensation of having it in my hand twisted my insides in a familiar way. To think I wanted to pretend to hold it. I was just being thoughtful; I didn't want Emily to turn and run screaming away from me. I wasn't shy holding a girl's breast, I had tons of experiences with them without the bras on but this supposedly innocent action was making me nervous as hell. Maybe it's because it's Emily, maybe I felt it's wrong that I was about to violate her knowing that it was going to be intentional.

I proceeded to soap my body, my mind turning into another avenue.

With her hand on my foot, I thought I was doing fine, I could handle five more actions. It can't get harder than holding a breast can it? And I totally thought her foot on my knee wasn't going to be a big deal until I realised I got more turned on when I saw her slender foot and perfectly painted toenails resting on my knee, her slim calf and half raised skirt.

I groaned in frustration and scrubbed myself harder like I was trying to distract and gather myself. What is it about this girl that could just turn me on my putting a fucking foot on me? Does it even make sense? How can an innocent touch lure out the horny monster in me just like that? How could I survive when I finally see her naked? No don't think that way, not now.

That kiss in the shelter was still vividly stamped into my mind. There weren't colourful fireworks erupting behind my closed eyes like what some mainstream song sang about. Nothing like that. Actually everything was rather dead quiet, the air held its breath, the leaves laid still, even my heart lowered its thumping volume.

And when I kissed her, I kissed her slowly, unsurely, decisively, and tellingly. My whole being was trying to say everything I couldn't put down in words through that kiss. I kissed her, telling her that she made me feel different, that she was perfect to me even though she thinks otherwise, that it wasn't just a birthday kiss. I kissed her, asking her if it was okay for me to like her, if she could even like me back a little, if there was something more. A kiss could speak wonders but I bet mine was just stuttering with unfinished words that I wasn't complete enough to say them.

Her lips were soft, gentle and hesitant, but it brought a combusting chemical reaction that rippled right through my body, releasing epinephrine. And I realised that this was akin to adrenaline. It was such a simple kiss yet I was feeling wonders. She was making me feel wonderful with something so simple.

I breathed out a huge sigh as the water brushed away the suds from my hair and body; remembering how her lips felt on my neck. That was one hell of a turn on. It was like we were having foreplay except that it wasn't. It was torture; a test of my self-control. I felt a little wetness pooling right there again. Fuck sake, not again. I just washed them away a moment ago.

I never had to exert so much will power to not kiss someone before. Usually if it was any girl, I would have done it but the thought of just kissing Emily then made me feel scared. She wasn't just any girl. It wasn't just a kiss; it was a kiss that I felt that I couldn't explain why I did it. It would be like 'what now?' And I wouldn't know how to meander my way out of that situation if that happened.

I turned off the hot water and let the cold water blast down on me instead, feeling the water berate and numb my skin, effectively silencing and eliminating the alcohol from my system.

I got out after a couple of minutes and toweled dry. Lying on my bed and still very naked, I laid on my stomach and hugged my pillow to my face, relishing the cool air caressing my exposed back while duvet covered me waist down. Wouldn't it be simple if I just confessed my attraction? Yet there was this nagging at the back of my mind that goes like, she also likes a guy and you're cheating on Angela.

I was at the point in my mind where I felt very uncertain. It's like, you know what you think you want but you're not sure if it's really what you want. I think I want Emily, but I'm not sure if it's because she's something I've never had or experienced before or I'm just bored of Angela.

Things are just as complicated as we make them to be. I'm more complicated then I appear to be it's just that no one sees that. They're not looking right into me enough.

I breathed in the scent of fresh clean sheets feeling my mind dim with tiredness. I flipped myself back on my back and lay right in the middle of my bed; arms open, hair in disarray, just staring at the dark ceiling coming to an incandescent realisation.

I have dramatically fallen for Emily Fitch.

Slowing my legs from the motion of pedaling, I proceeded to a gradual halt in front of the familiar house. Immaculate garden, fresh paint on the walls, door with the frosted glass and a cat flap – I'm in front of Emily's house.

Admittedly, all I could do all weekend was to think about her. I tried to get on with my coursework, to distract myself with basketball or even attempted to watch the tele but my mind just decisively found its way past the distractions to her. Now, since when everything else became a distraction and Emily became the source of focus? I found it easier to think about her than to attempt my course work, obviously. It even was easier to daydream about her than to watch some shitty reality show but I found it disconcerting that I couldn't even focus on shooting hoops. What's happening to me? Basketball was my focus but now everything has faded into a blur distortion with only crystal clear thoughts about Emily.

I tried to call her but all I did was stare at her name on my phone list. I wanted to text her but I couldn't think of anything to say after a 'hi' so I didn't. I ended up just imagining how it would be like spending time with her, watching the way her lips twitch as I make her laugh, the sound of her husky voice as she talks to me and only me; and counting down the hours till I get to see her in school. These are all signs of attachment and I'm aware of that. I never wanted the weekend to end so fast. I managed to escape going out with Angela and clubbing with James on the pretense of a cold and rather preferred to hole myself up in my room. Time crawled by with the strength of a snail.

But here I am, after escaping the clutches of weekend boredom, early in the morning with the sun just peeking over the horizon, in front of Emily's house.

You know the feeling where you just have to meet someone at any cost despite how ridiculous the situation looks, like you don't even care how absurd it is, but you just have to be in their presence or you'll die? That's why I'm here, not even going for my morning practice session but instead, made a whole detour to Emily's house in the hope of walking with her to school. Pathetic? Yes. Smitten? Yes. Hopelessly deranged? Yes. These are the signs of the impending life changing realisation. The realisation that I liked someone enough to do this.

I kicked out my bicycle stand, propping it up carefully and walked to the front door of the Fitch house with the nerves that almost resembled a groom asking the parents for the hand of their daughter. I pressed the bell and waited, listening to the muffled ring it made throughout the house. Oh fuck I hope they're awake!

The door opened a fraction after a good many seconds and a tall woman with dark long hair peered out. She must be Emily's mother. I mean there's no other explanation as to who else she could be right? Well Emily does look like her, in a way, but thank fuck for Emily getting some beautiful genes from her dad.

"Yes? May I help you?"

"Um hi, you must be Emily's mother. I'm Naomi, Emily's classmate. Uh – is Emily in?"

"Hi Naomi, it's a little early," I detected a hint of disapproval, "Emily's just coming down for breakfast is anything the matter?"

Argh, just let me see her! "Um – I need – I've got something to ask – "

"Naomi?" The voice that I so wanted to hear called my name from behind her mom.

Suddenly the woman was almost roughly shifted aside as the door opened wider, revealing an already dressed up Emily in a half zipped up brown distressed leather jacket over a black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. Her hair was up in a messy bun and her skin looked flawless in the pale morning sun that just ghosted over her. Her slender neck was on full display. I stood there wordlessly and gaped at her like a twat.

Luckily I still could look at her in the eye and not blush. I don't think I would be able to if I had gone home after that gathering at Effy's house and wanked over her. Believe me, I really, really wanted to after being extremely turned on but I restrained myself. Wanking over hot celebrities is much different from wanking over your very pretty and desirable friend. You'd never be able to look at her without getting over the fact that you came while imagining her tongue on certain parts of your body.

"I got this mom." Emily managed to dismiss her mother as she stepped outside barefoot and shut the door.

I smiled at her instantly; my heart danced delightedly with her gaze upon me. She was giving me a small shy smile that made her look so, so adorable. I wanted to lean over a kiss her good morning.

"Good morning." I managed to say, without the whole leaning over and kissing thing.

"Good morning." She replied, her voice extra husky and her cheeks were red. We smiled more at each other. It was almost like a smiling contest to see who could make the other happier with their smile. The world should have more of this. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I – uh – just wanted – I mean," I opened my bag, brought out a brown crumpled paper bag and handed to her, "I was passing by a bakery and I saw these freshly ones and I had to get them for you." Liar, you specially waited till it was freshly out and bought them just for her.

"Cinnamon buns!" She squealed excitedly like a little child receiving a new toy. "It smells delicious Naomi, how did you know I love them!"

"You did mention about it before." I sheepishly smiled. I'm the ultimate Emily Fitch stalker; no one comes a close second.

"Aww thank you, you're so sweet!"

And she leant closer to me. For a fucking moment, I swear she was about to kiss me. I really thought she was but just like that in a heartbeat, she jerked back, a faint blush covering her cheeks. Was she blushing? Or was it because it was cold? Damn it, kiss me will you! I've been dreaming about it day and night, night and day for two whole days!

She recovered, giving a quick glance around, as though making sure no one saw that. "Now I don't need breakfast at home," she said happily looking into the paper bag with child-like delight. Seeing how I brought that gigantic smile to her face was worth all the effort in waking fifteen minutes earlier to wait at the bakery. I would do that daily if I could make her this happy everyday. "Do you want to come in? Have you had breakfast?"

I had another plan. A plan that could only be carried out if she was involved.

"Yeah I've had. Actually I was thinking – I mean just thinking – if you want we could – I could walk with you to school." I don't know if she got anything because I mumbled the last part out, feeling so fucking shy, like I was asking to walk a girl to school for the first time in my life. It's almost I had zero confidence about myself. Not true, I was Naomi Campbell, I definitely had no qualms in asking a girl out but Emily just reduces me to a blubbering, shy pile of mess every time I try to walk her to class. It seems like only she could bring out this unknown side of me.

Her smile shrank but it did not disappear, it seemed to glow brighter instead, as well as her brown eyes, which were illuminated, and boring through mine. I was suddenly quite conscious. Did I just fucking make myself very clear about this, about my affections for her, about how I would do anything just to see her? I hadn't thought so much that any of my actions would portray this; I was so caught up with just wanting to see her that I hadn't realised it could be so obvious. Does she know now? Would she let me know that she knew? Would she be okay about it? I mean, I did walk her to class before and turned up unexpectedly to celebrate her birthday. Such one off thing events couldn't be obvious but when some things get done all the time, one would surely start to wonder if there was something more, intentional, desired after. But I wasn't quite ready to put my feelings out in the open, not when I'm not sure how she really feels, and not when I'm still with Angela. Neither did Emily.

"That would be lovely," Emily's voice cut through my thoughts, "Can you give me five minutes? I'll tidy up and grab my bag, then we can go."

She was out of the house in a jiffy, throwing on some old converse high tops and slinging her back over her shoulder.

"Don't you have to – like go for your morning – basketball practice?" Emily asked between bites as we slowly strolled side by side with me pushing my bicycle.

How did she know I have those sessions? "Nah, took a break for today. Besides, I've practice after school – before our math session." I grinned at her, amused at how her mouth got all dirty from the sugary stuff on the cinnamon bun.

Emily nodded and took another bite as I quietly gazed and observed her chewing, licking and swallowing. I was memorizing everything about her, every action and every nuance. I think I've had it bad if I can find such minor things fascinating.

"What are you staring at?" She asked, blushing and lowering her eyes.

Shit, I must have been staring too long again. Remember to look away once in a while! "Uh you've got," I hovered my finger over the space between the right side of my chin and lips and pointed, "Some sugary thing there."

She stuck out her tongue and traced it over her rosy pink lips and pushed it out further to the right of her lips, trying to lick it away. I swear my eyes widened at her wriggling tongue. It was too much. Such a simple action was causing my mind to spasm and go into shock.

"No I meant on your left."

She did the same thing, with the tongue and all, trying to lick the other side. My stomach tightened and I tried to breathe normally. My whole mind was filled with images of me bending over and licking up the sugary stuff off her lips, and more.

"All gone?"

"Yeah much better." I choked out, realising my mouth had gone dry.

We chatted without inhibitions during the whole walk to school. I love how easy it is with her; how comfortable silence sits between us when we've nothing to say; how easy it takes for me to make her laugh and smile, as it is the same for me. Sometimes we are fortunate to have people like that in our life and upon realising that, we should acknowledge it, cherish it and never let it go. They could be just friends, or your best friend, or someone you wish to spend every minute of your waking hour with them. Don't let them go. Emily could dangerously fall into any and all of the three categories.

"See you later yeah?" I said as I walked her to class. We both have different classes today but I had arranged for a math session today because I just can't stand not seeing her for the whole day even after walking to school with her.

"Yeah." She gave me a tiny wave and smile before disappearing into class.

I walked to mine with a huge smile on my face. You know, I can get used to this sort of happiness everyday.

.

.

"Your girlfriend's here."

I inwardly groan as Ashley informed me. What was she doing here? I thought she didn't exactly like to watch me at practice. Sighing, I turn around and scanned the stands for her.

Wait. That's Emily and not Angela over there waving at me. Wave back you idiot! I did and I searched again. Nope. Angela's not here.

"That's not my girlfriend you tit." I shot at Ashley.

"No? Well I thought – you both seem to spend a lot of time together." Ashley shrugged.

"We're just friends. She's tutoring me later." I stated through gritted teeth.

"Oh – okay."

But I was inwardly bubbling with happiness that Emily was here and waiting for me. She was going to tutor me after this and though we arranged to meet in class, she must have somehow preferred to wait for me here. That must mean something right?

Thankfully practice was wrapping up. I hurriedly took a shower and met her at the stands where she was reading a book.

"Hey."

"Hey." She smiled at me and I grinned back. Man, what is it about her that makes me smile all the time!

"Shall we go?"

.

.

"So you use this," she pointed to a figure, "And apply it to this formula and you'll get an answer which you'll have to apply it to the other formula."

I scooted closer to her and bent over the question we were poring over, my face just inches from hers. I actually knew how to do that question but I let her explain it to me, because I just can't resist listening to her speak. I feigned stupidity so she can explain the question to me while I zone out and observe her instead. Just because I was so close, I could breathe her in. I smelt a new delicate scent, something like a hint of perfume, not overpowering but just a faint note of it over her familiar shampooed hair.

And man did she smell good, as always. My mind flailed as it sank and drowned in this delightful smell. My eyes drifted on its own accord to her profile, taking in yet again for the uncountable time of stolen glances, her slender neck, rosy lips, her button nose, the curl of her lashes. I know reiterate my attraction to her features a lot; I watch her a thousand times all over and I never grow tired. She was a short film I could rewatch all over and not get sick of it.

"Ahem, Naomi, are you paying attention?" Emily turned her face to me.

If we eliminate this couple of inches, our noses would have bumped. I noticed her cheeks were slightly tinged with red again as her eyes flicked over the length of my face. Apparently I was staring again but luckily I knew how to do the question.

"Of course!" I took a pencil and redid the math workings that I had already practiced the day before. "See, I know my stuff."

She hummed in approval, "Great! You're improving!"

"Only because I have someone awesome teaching me." I leaned back on my chair and placed my hands behind my head, smiling back at her.

Her mouth twitched into a smile and she ducked her head a little, "I did nothing much. It's all your hard work."

I wouldn't have it. She has got to know she's worth so much more than what she thinks. At least to me.

"Emily," I brought my hands down and placed my left hand on her thigh. I have no control or whatsoever with my hands. All they know was that they were itching to touch her. It's been so long since I had my hand on her breast or her lips on my neck. I'm allowed to touch her thigh isn't it? It's a mild comparison to them. I shifted my body till I was facing her, looking straight at her. "You are an amazing person. You got this heart of yours that's just shining brightly from inside and it shows." I tilted her chin up getting her to look at me, observing how her eyes widened. "You make your friends happy. Even my friends like you. You're smart, pretty, full of laughter and fun and you're much more than you play yourself down to be. You're a pretty fucking awesome person. And I – you mean a lot to me."

I looked into those brown eyes that seemed to be full of – shyness? almost uncomfortable? awkward? My face was inches from hers; I was leaning almost into her. Could it be that she felt uncomfortable with the proximity, the inappropriateness of the situation? I was lost. Could it be that she wasn't into me as I had thought? That I was clearly reading it all wrong? Could I be just some easy, fucking experiment to her? No it can't be, could it? I was in doubt and kicking myself all over again. I felt vulnerable, flummoxed and discombobulated but I had to know. Right now.

Her lips moved with words I couldn't comprehend, they were a muffled buzz to my ears. My pulse pounded like a hammer; I swallowed with far too much difficulty.

Fuck it.

Pushing all objections and deliberations aside from my mind, my raw instincts took over. I tried believe what I would do next was essential and crucial to my near future.

I surged forward and pushed my lips against hers, inwardly berating myself for how tactlessly and rough that felt. I kissed her wholly and fully on her lips, every fiber of me yearning for her to kiss me back. Her soft lips seemed to move against mine but just like that, she was pulling back. I pulled back, too, frantically. I clutched the desk in any physical attempt to steady myself. Her chest was heaving and her eyes – they were a blend of shock and trepidation. Fuck me, have I really got it all wrong this time? Her body language was pointing at all the negative realisations springing into my head. Everything was unreal, nothing was true, and all that I'd read and imagined was a case of fiction, believable till it was not. This was true; she doesn't feel the same. I fucked up this relationship with my over imaginative mind.

"Naomi, I – "

"S-sorry," I stammered out, my insides have all turned into ice. I was in panic mode; I'd never felt so vulnerable. Who knew that I, the confident basketball star, couldn't handle the rejection dished out by this one and only girl that had subconsciously gotten under my skin. "Shit – this is a huge mistake – fuck, I'm sorry – shit."

I fumbled around the desk, blindly shoving my books and papers unceremoniously into my bag. My hands were shaking. I fumbled over the clasp of my bag. I really never ever had this kind of serious reaction. I was shitting myself.

"Naomi! Wait!" She tried to get my attention but I wasn't giving any of it. I didn't want to sit around and let her comfort and tell me that she was flattered but she didn't feel the same. I didn't want to hear any explanations. I just wanted to get away to somewhere safe.

"Sorry I gotta go, this is a mistake." I dragged out my chair, cringing as the metal scrapped against the floor. Without so much as a last look at her, I practically ran out of the class and out of school, trying to outrun the situation before the reality of it really catches up on me.

I jumped on my bicycle and pedaled recklessly to a place where I knew I was wanted, that I could feel wanted, where I had some form of control. I huffed, swung my bicycle around the corner, narrowly missing an oncoming car. I almost rammed into a street lamp while trying to avoid an elderly couple. I blazed down a steep slope faster than I had ever gone. I wanted to crash; I wanted to feel pain; I wanted to this whole thing to be a dream so I couldn't hurt; I wanted to feel nothing.

I wanted to feel nothing of the pain that pierced my heart by the shards of shattered pieces of my wild imagination. How did I not see it coming? I had inevitably fallen for a straight girl. I had fucked up my platonic relationship with her and cheated by kissing Emily. I would think I was overreacting if I was looking at myself from afar. I could've laughed it off with her and flirted with her like how I was like all the time in the past, never admitting any attachment to her, being the player that most people think I am. But the scary part is that, deep down inside, I knew, I couldn't. Because I knew, I had really fallen for her. I couldn't look at all that's in front of me and tell myself that it meant nothing.

That's why I ran, because that was unfamiliar and it was easy.

I flung my bicycle down in front of the house and rapped loudly on the door. "Angela!" I shouted.

A few seconds later the door flung open, "Baby what are – "

I silenced her with a forceful kiss before she had her whole sentence out. A squeal of surprise escaped her lips as I gripped her waist and pushed myself through her doorway into the threshold of her house, slamming the door behind us. I pushed her up against the door, plunging my tongue determinedly into her mouth and inwardly delighting at the moan of approval she emitted. I pulled my lips away and moved them to her neck, nipping much harder than necessary at her pulse point. I heard a sharp intake of breath and her hands pulled my head back to her and reattached her lips to mine, her hands grabbing the back of my head.

We both clearly knew what I came here for and I knew I was wanted. I was in control; I was going to give because I had the power to. I had the power to fuck her because I was allowed to.

I removed myself off her and pulled her onto the couch in the living room. There was no time to move to the bedroom, there was no time to have it sweet. She knew it, she wanted it and I could give it.

I climbed on top of Angela, straddled her and reconnected our lips again. This time our kisses were haphazard, teeth clashing, tongues missing each other's. It was badly sloppy. I tried to find the spark between our kisses that was once present. I tried to find a resemblance in the texture of the lips I was made to kiss so often to the lips I only managed to kiss thrice. I forgot those I kissed often and remembered the one I hardly ever did. I couldn't help feeling how strange the former felt against the latter. But this wasn't the time to harp on such matters; fuck all these feelings about Emily.

"Off." I commanded and pulled her till she was upright and tugged the hem of her tank top up and over her head, flinging it out of sight.

She pulled my head down to meet my lip and clawed at my back, trying to get my t-shirt off but I wasn't having it. No, if she wanted to be fucked, she'll have to have it my way.

This was a new side of me; I've never had an angry fuck before nor have I ever initiated one with so much pent up anger. But I realised that I wasn't angry. I was blaming myself for being such a fool, for falling for a straight girl and for cheating on someone who clearly wants me more than the other. How can I be such a prick and take it out on Angela?

I slowed our frantic kisses and pushed her back onto the couch, this time with less force. She must have sensed my change of pace and smiled widely as she looked up at me and reached to unhook her bra.

"Don't." I said and pulled her hands away. I still wanted the control and she has to go along with it.

"I like it when you're in command baby, it's so hot." She pulled be back down to meet her lips, pushing her tongue straight into my mouth and stroking mine.

She was doing it right this time. I moaned into her kiss as she cupped my ass and I slid my hand between our bodies, grabbing on to a bra-clad breast and feeling her arch into my palm.

Suddenly an image flashed into my mind like a strobe of light. A white, vivid image; the image of my hand on Emily's breast and how it was almost similar to this. Almost. Another image materialized and inserted itself in my head, this time it was the image of Emily writhing and moaning beneath me. This was so fucking wrong, to be almost fucking her while images of another girl invaded my mind. This felt so wrong. I felt like I had to stop.

I released my hand and pulled my head away again but Angela took it as a sign to proceed in other matters and unbuttoned her shorts.

"Babe, get these off me."

I automatically and mechanically brought my hands to the waistband and tugged it off her as she lifted her ass. She was wearing a red and very tiny thong.

Red. My actions stilled. I looked up at her but I didn't see her. I saw Emily. I tried to snap out of it. What's wrong with me? I've got a girl here that wants me yet I can't concentrate on her? I was detached. I didn't feel like anything. I felt like nothing. I didn't want to do this. It felt like I was cheating myself, filling myself with something I didn't care for.

Angela reached behind, unhooked her bra and dropped it aside. I was now staring at her breasts, gorgeous ones if I might say so, the ones that I once had the pleasure of having. And I felt nothing. Not even a bite of excitement or want. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her breasts, shifting her hips till my thigh was resting flushed against her centre. She was really wet but I wasn't, not even the slightest bit. It was like someone screwed my tap tight. Even touching them wasn't doing me anything.

It was wrong. I was supposed to want her as badly as she wants me now. Or even just a fraction of that. All that was running through my mind was how strange this felt, how different and how much I didn't want this. I didn't want Angela. I wanted Emily.

I tried to lift myself off her as she started to grind against my stagnant thigh. "Angela," I called.

"Yeah fuck me baby." She continued her motions, assuming I had called her name out of passion.

"No. Stop." I said a little more firmly this time, releasing her breasts, which I was barely gripping and shifting my thigh away.

"What?" She stared confused.

"Sorry," I sat up and inched backwards, "I can't do this."

"What do you mean baby? I want you now." She grabbed my waist and tried to pull me back.

"I'm sorry." I reiterated, "I can't do this."

I abruptly got off the couch and looked around for my bag. I don't know if it's the right word but, luckily, I was still fully clothed. I could get out and away fast.

"Naomi! What is this? You can't do this? Didn't you come here to have sex with me?" Her hair was in disarray and she made no attempt to cover up her nakedness. I could tell she was flustered and fucking confused but I couldn't find it in me to explain anything right now. I know owe her an explanation.

I headed to the door, "Sorry." That was all I could manage to say. It was like a broken record no one really wants to hear cause it's just painful and annoying.

"You can't leave me like that!" She shouted as I opened the door. "Fuck you Naomi!"

That was the last I heard as I slammed her front door shut and go back on my bicycle.

A weight was shifted off me. Like I had been carrying a rock for months and suddenly it was taken off me and I could stand up properly by myself. That weight was relief. I felt weightless, like a spinning top balancing and humming oh so quietly but precariously, wavering.

That was fucked up. But I wasn't fucked up. I couldn't go on and fuck a girl I knew I didn't have enough feelings for. I couldn't lead her on. I still had some sort of conscience in me.

The hero withdrew
When there was two
He could not choose one
So there was none

I couldn't have the one I wanted but I wasn't going to carry on with this, not when I clearly knew it isn't what I wanted.

So I would have none.