So many mixed reviews and silent disapproval. But thanks to gumyumgirl, MM, GilmoreRos, DNNHK, Alice Boricua, fookyeahskins, stphnyvillegas, fakevegan, Ms. StealYoGirl, Ujin, sookieheartsbill, i. have. lost. myself. again, gdsfsdf, MisguidedMegan, GreenPenguin for leaving one.

Hope this one's okay, since this was in my mind from the start. It might not be perfect. I apologise for that.

Sometimes I look at chapter thirteen and wonder if it's the right one.

I tip my hat to edward estlin cummings for this. And again I apologise if this poem has been used before somewhere that I'm not aware of.

Exam's in a month's time. See you on the other side.

Chapter Thirteen – since feeling is first

Naomi

I wasn't sure what I did was the right thing. I fucking hated myself, for being a twat, for using my injury as an excuse. It was not all untrue. I berated myself for being weak and succumbing to an injury, taking away what wholly makes me myself. Basketball was what I was great at and without it, I'm not great, ordinarily nothing, a ghost of myself. It's getting to me; I have to depend on crutches to walk, on people to open doors for me, for the school to reassign my classrooms to the first level; it's like I've become useless. I don't want that, I hate that. I wished they wouldn't make such a big deal about it.

Still that isn't an excuse to shut Emily out. I didn't want her to see me useless, immobile and incapable as I lay in the hospital bed. I didn't want any sympathy or any special treatment or to treat me as some fragile matter. I didn't need her to reassure me that everything's going to be fine. I just wanted everyone to treat this injury like it was nothing and maybe I could forget about it.

But I know she cared and that was enough. I was a fucking twat, a fool, and an asshole for behaving like that. I ran out of excuses for myself. Forgive me. I'm injured and I have my insecurities.

Do you know how hard it is to pretend like I didn't care for Emily? I just didn't want to feel so much for her. I was afraid that if she were perfect in every way, it'd only make it harder for me to walk away from her. It's hard to show that it didn't matter when James comes to visit every alternate day, going on and on about how he's been hanging out with Emily and reproaching me for not letting her visit when she cared about me. You think I don't want her there? I want her with me but I was afraid if she came with James, they'd act all loved up in the room and I'd have nowhere to run because I'm stuck in that fucking bed and I'd have to watch them, smile and be happy for them. At least when I'm up and mobile, I could avoid this situation. I'll gladly delude myself further.

In contrast to James, Effy visited twice and most of it was spent in silence. She asked no questions and never comforted me. Instead, she flipped through magazines as I flicked through channels on the telly as though we were doing the same thing at home. She hadn't even bothered when I had difficulty getting out of bed to get to the restroom. That was exactly what I need, to know I can handle this by myself.

Sighing, I slam my book shut and stuffed it into my bag. Fucking afternoon classes. They aren't doing a whole lot of good for me, more so when I can't seem to concentrate when my mind's preoccupied with thoughts concerning Emily and the idea of studying with her later.

I can't seem to extract her out of my life can I? I'll somehow, somewhere, find myself pulled into her atmosphere once again no matter how hard I try to eradicate myself. I'm like that tiny planet sitting at the edge of the solar system, distant, almost teetering, but still held there by some sort of magnetic force that I can't escape. What exactly is with her that makes me involuntarily revolve around her?

Not that I'm really complaining. I'm given another chance in my life to study with Emily, forced to study with her. Actually I should complain, protest or request for another person, after all, spending time with her will just make things hard for me, especially knowing that she's with James. Self-torture at it's finest. Oh the situations I put myself into. Just bollocks.

I whipped out my phone, planning on sending a text to Emily, informing her that my class has ended.

"Emily's at the field." Effy supplied.

Oh yeah, thank fuck Effy was sitting with me in the same class as me or I'd be bored out of my mind. Not like we speak a lot in class but it's nice to have her with me.

"What? Oh alright." I replied, a little surprised at the information from Effy. I didn't care asking how she knew. Who knows, they all could have gotten all chummy with each other during my absence.

"Come on, I'll walk with you – I'm meeting Freddie and James." She stood up and walked out, leaving me to hurry after her as quickly as I could.

But of course. I thought bitterly. Emily would be there at the field with James. Where else could she be for fuck sake. Suppressing my desire of grumbling out loud, I gritted my teeth and swung my crutches forward hobbling after her as quickly as I could.

"Could you like fucking slow down for a bit?" I shouted after Effy's back, which was going to be lost in the thickening crowd.

Effy stopped and turned around with a hint of a smirk on her face, which I met with a glare. Though I appreciate how she's treating me like I wasn't injured, her insensitivity was making me feel annoyed at what I lacked now.

"Slow poke." She said as I caught up with her.

"Oh fuck off." I nudged her with my crutch and a roll of my eyes.

We proceeded down the stairs, a little slowly on my part as I hadn't gotten the hang of stairs, past the gym and headed to those wide opened blue doors tucked below the stands that were the entrance to the football field. It was there that I saw her. Emily was sitting beside a very shirtless James on the bench.

My brow descended into a furrow and my mouth straightened into an annoyed line. They weren't really talking a lot, more of staring at nothing particular in the field. But the point is, James was seated barely a metre away from Emily. Okay maybe from my angle and distance, I can't really give the best estimate but I swear the distance between them is like a fucking half metre or something less.

The irrational green-eyed monster reared up inside of me, the one that popped up every once in a while to remind me that it's still residing in me. I wanted to shout, cause a commotion, a distraction, so I could increase their distance and separate them.

I stood, rooted to the spot, as I watched James turn his head ever so often to take a look at Emily. I couldn't exactly see his expression but it seemed like he was trying to say something, or at least thinking of how to say something. I know James. I recognise this. It's like he was nervous and this only happens when he's around a girl he likes. And Emily was turning her head to talk to him.

I heard a cough to my left. Shit, I forgot Effy was still here.

"Do you want to meet them or stay here and gawk over them?"

I wanted to leave, to head home and leave them to it even though I was supposed to study with Emily. I just can't do this, to pretend that it's not affecting me. I need more time to deal with this, to make it go away.

"No, just – "

I couldn't turn away. A question was burning in my throat. I thought James and Emily were together, but couples don't sit apart from each other. I mean if – if I was together with Emily, I'd make sure no visible distance was between us. I'd never let her be that far away from me. James' behaviour here was almost shy.

"Do you think – that they're together?" I blurted out, not taking my eyes away from their slight movements and almost converging silhouettes.

There wasn't a reply. I turned my head to look at Effy, who was looking back at me with another smirk and a look that I supposed was to be an answer, only that I couldn't figure out her enigmatic answers again.

"What do you think?" She shrugged a reply.

"I don't know." I admitted.

"He likes her." She replied, turned her head back to look at them.

"Yeah you think so too?" I just got a confirmation from Effy. I don't know how it is but Effy seems to be able to read into these kinds of things and most of the time she's right about them. I got my answer. Well half of it I guess.

James and Emily were talking now and it was killing me to just stand there and watch.

"Oooh look, see that?" Effy caught my attention.

James scratched his head and shifted imperceptibly to his left, just an invisible fraction closer to Emily. It was just a slight body movement. You could almost miss this if you weren't observing and dissecting every nuance like how I was. It was as though he was shifting in his seat but the fact is, he moved a tiny bit closer to her. I'm not sure if this was intentional on his part but it seems like he couldn't stay away from her magnetic force either.

"Yeah he likes her." Effy confirmed.

My heart constricted. How was there ever a chance for me?

"You can see it in his body language, that shift, the way he scratches his head or how he occasionally looks at her. You can tell a lot of things from body language." I shifted uncomfortably as she looked at me with a knowing look. It was as though she was telling me that she could read mine too.

"So does Emily like him too?" Fuck it, read all you want from me. I need to know; I don't trust my judgment anymore. Tell me, oracle Effy.

"Hmm," she paused. "Not as much, I don't know, she's not giving anything away. She may or may not know that he likes her or maybe she's just – not sure." Effy looked at me again as I tried to digest what she said.

It was just going around it circles. Effy wasn't giving a proper answer. She didn't have all the definite answers but one thing's for sure, Effy definitely did not know if Emily liked James as much as he liked her. That was a hope, a faint glimmer, of something I shouldn't even be so sure I should be hanging on to.

I took a look at the both of them again, observing Emily this time. She dipped her head in a way I recognized as her being shy as her body tilted a little to James, not too much but not as much as he was leaning in to talk to her. A reflex flick of her hair, the fiddling of her hands and a small laugh was signaling to me that she was probably just as nervous as James. Maybe they both couldn't see it; sometimes you miss the obvious things that are right in front of you. I definitely know that.

"Why don't you tell her?" Effy broke me out of my reverie. How was she able to ask me a question without really knowing what is there to ask? It's not like I've told anyone about this.

"Tell her what?" I pretended to feign ignorance; I was just avoiding the topic. "There's nothing to tell."

"Okay."

That was with it with Effy. She never pushed me to do anything I didn't want. But I guess, at this point of time, I wanted to be pushed, to be dared, because I reckon I'm just a big fat coward when it comes to voicing out my feelings and thoughts. I never needed to chase any girl in my life, they just came to me; I didn't need to ask for them. I took the simplicity or complexity of these things for granted. Now I'm faced with a girl I like, and I didn't know how to tell her I liked her without ruining the friendship between us. At least if I told her and she didn't reciprocate, I could move on.

"At least if you told her, you wouldn't need to be guessing." She added, as though she read my thoughts.

Guessing what? Guessing whether Emily liked James? Guessing whether there was a possibility she could like me? Guessing whether the both of them were already a couple? Damn you Effy and your ambiguous questions. She sure knew how to poke me in the right way to unsettle me.

I muttered a grumble under my breath as I started towards both of them with the intention of ending this exchange between them.

Midway up the ramp, I stopped abruptly, like deadweight. What the fuck did I just see? Emily had leaned in and placed a kiss on James' lips. She leaned in. And kissed. James.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

All words of intellectual swearing completely left my mind as I could just hear my mind screaming the word fuck in repetition, each one increasing in volume and intensity.

"Fuck." I exhaled semi-audibly.

I almost dropped one of my crutches, as I stood there gormlessly, defeated, with a severe pain seizing my heart as I saw James smiling with a completely smitten look and Emily's shy smile in return. Maybe she does like him after all.

"Come on let's go over." Effy's voice was at my ear.

I didn't have an opportunity to think. I heeded mindlessly to that as I felt myself grip my crutches tightly and compelled it forward. Every thump from my crutches as I moved forward was like an echo from my heart, slow and heavy, yet furious. I was mad at myself for letting this mean something to me, for deflecting chance after chance with her, for James being the one to receive a kiss initiated from her. I should be the one. I want to be that one. Why the fuck am I not the one she's kissing?

Emily's head turned as we were approaching them.

"Naomi!" She exclaimed and shot up from the bench. She looked like she didn't know whether to come over to me or to stand where she was.

"Naomikins!"

I glanced briefly at her before looking at James who was smiling cheerfully at me, like the smile of someone that just got kissed. Very much aware that a scowl was on my face, I willed myself to morph that into some other expression that I could only pretend to say that it was expressionless. I don't think that it's quite it but I'm trying here.

Effy nudged me with her elbow. Apparently I had failed to respond again.

"Hey." I managed.

"Why didn't you call me, or text? I could've met you in class." Emily asked.

She was looking flustered with a pink tinge on her cheeks, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet, the wind blowing a bit of hair out of place. I would've thought she looked rather cute, no, right, I think she looks cute; I can't deny that.

I shrugged, "Nah, no problem coming here." Luckily I did.

"Shall we go now?"

"Yeah alright," I turned to leave. "Thanks Eff, see you later James." I called back without turning my head and hobbled away, not waiting for Emily.

"Should we find some classroom?" I asked after she reappeared by my side with her bag. I felt like a prat for behaving like that to her. It's not her fault that she didn't know I liked her.

"Uh I was thinking – maybe we could go to your house. It would be you know – easier for you?" Emily replied hesitantly.

I didn't really let anyone into my house. Even I rarely bring home my ex-girlfriends. But I could see she was trying to help me out and I guess letting Emily in was okay, even if it is letting her into a part of me. I keep thwarting my plans to keep her at bay from me.

"Okay, sounds good." I replied.

"Should we take a bus or…"

"Can we walk?"

I usually take the bus now after injuring my leg since I couldn't really ride my bicycle anymore. Walking was a little far, like a good thirty minutes or so, but the weather was looking pretty fine and I kinda want to spend a bit of time in her company, just the two of us, walking, though I don't know how it'd turn out. I didn't think. I just simply wanted to walk with her.

"Okay." She smiled back without any questions as we got out of school.

We walked side by side. The truth is; I miss this, us, just walking together, easy, carefree, when I didn't let my feelings for her get involved.

We chatted a bit but not a lot. Part of the walk was spent taking sneaky sideways glances at her. I was trying to do it discretely and trying to not trip. Don't want me hurting the other leg yeah.

"You never said you lived on this side of the town." Emily abruptly asked.

I gave a very confused look, not really getting what she was asking.

"I mean, you kind of live on the opposite side of town from me but you've been – used to – cycling me home. You shouldn't have…"

Oh that. Yeah, all the little white lies I've spun just to spend whatever little time I could with her have surfaced. I've been found out.

I shrugged and attempted to brush it off, "It's nothing really, no big deal." It's not like it mattered now isn't it.

We lapsed into a silence, not uncomfortable, as we walked on.

Tell her.

Suddenly Effy's words floated into my head in a disembodied form. No no no, I can't tell her. Not when there's so many things that I'm not sure of. I can't put my cowardly heart out at risk.

Then, ask her.

A fragment of my imagination in the form of Effy's potential words of advice popped into my head.

I glanced nervously at Emily who was kicking the little pebbles on the ground, seemingly in thought. We weren't exactly paying attention to each other; we seem to be in our own worlds, our own thoughts. She looked fantastically beautiful today, everyday. I wanted to run my fingers between her soft vibrant red hair which threw off the sunshine with a gleam. I wanted to drink the sunlight that settles on the skin of her slender neck. I wanted to grab that hand of hers that's twiddling with the hem of her sleeveless top and encase it with my own. I couldn't do any of that, so I asked her.

"Are you both – you and James – together? Like a couple?" Fuck yes, I finally asked her with much cringing on my part. The question was sitting at the edge of my tongue has been swallowed way too many times. It was finally liberated. Now the beats of my heart are held captive, frightened of her answer.

Her eyes shot to me in surprise, "No! Where – why'd you think we are?" She looked perplexed, astonished, almost shocked. I would have believed her, but I didn't.

"Really?" I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "It seems like you both are." I looked straight ahead, not wanting my eyes to meet hers. I didn't trust my eyes to not give myself away. You can tell a lot of things from the eyes too.

"Nah, James… he's not my type – really. He's – like a really good friend."

My heart nearly gave a tiny dance in delight. Not my type. Did she just say that? I would have believed her again, but I took out whatever that's left of my skepticism in defense. It still doesn't seem plausible.

"Doesn't look like it. Seems like he likes you." I kept my voice level and steady, like I had been practicing a flat, emotionless, tone, giving nothing away.

"Yeah." She replied. I think that was an acknowledgement. I swear I could detect a sad note to that. "But we're just friends – really good friends."

I could fucking dance in delight if it wasn't for my crutches and the fact that I was physically in Emily's company. In your face James! She doesn't like you! I forced my face with all the control I could muster and masked it into a faintly surprised look. Fuck, this was so hard. A smile was about to escape and ruin me. One threatening opponent down. One nil to me.

"Why do you care anyway?" Emily asked, "Do you have like a secret crush on me or something?"

My jaw fell open and I swear my eyes enlarged in total surprise. How – how the fuck did she know that? My mouth opened and shut, as I couldn't find words to counter that. Fuck! Was I being so obvious all the while? She knows. Oh god what do I say?

There was a tiny twinkle in her eye as she looked at me with a side smile on her face. Shit. Think of something you dumbass brain.

"Relax Naomi, I'm kidding." Her voice visibly hardened as she looked down and away. I think I heard her scoff softly, probably in disbelief from my reaction.

My hammering heart continued to pound at a steady rate as I realised we had misread each other. That was fucking close. I was saved from answering a question I didn't know how to answer. I wouldn't have said yes nor would I have said no. It depends.

"But," my mouth blabbed out before my mind could approve, "why did you kiss James?" That was confusing me. Why would she kiss him on the lips and say he's 'not her type.'

"Because sometimes," she stared unwaveringly at me, "you can kiss someone but it doesn't mean anything."

I frowned hard at her reply. Then it clicked. Fuck. Does she mean – is she, referring to me? My mind flashed back to that day in the classroom when I kissed her, told her it was a mistake, and ran away. Is she implying that when I kissed her, the kiss I gave didn't mean anything to me, like how the kiss she gave James didn't mean anything to her?

But of fucking course it meant something. It's when I realised I liked her that's why I ran away thinking she didn't…

Now hold on a fucking minute. Did she just mean that she thought that I didn't like her? But I do! And that I ran away because she thought I realised I made a mistake kissing her? But I only thought she didn't feel that way!

My eyes really opened for the first time, like a blind man that sees the world for the first time, as I gaped at Emily. She was looking straight ahead, unable to meet my gaze, biting her lip in a way that I would think she realised she said a little too much, or something too obvious. She looked downcast, or maybe more like, hurt, frightened.

Could it be, that she actually, liked me? Could it be that we've been so completely oblivious to our attraction for each other? Was there even a chance that she could actually like girls – me? Were we just tiptoeing around each other all the while, looking in at all the wrong places, wasting all the opportunities we had together?

This sudden epiphany got my whole mind staggering. I was trying to piece everything together, trying to make this whole theory sound plausible. A small part in me started to get excited, still with a pinch of fearfulness, but the more I rationalized, the more I reckoned that we've certainly been too fucking blind.

I've got to tell her.

With all the soliloquizing going on in my head, unknowingly, we've actually reached my house. I've got to tell her.

Emily held one of my crutches for me as I fumbled about in my bag for the house keys, not really paying attention to what I was doing, just going through the motions.

I opened the door and was greeted with the silence. My mom was working and we had the whole place to ourselves.

I wanted so badly to confess my feelings for Emily but I realised I didn't know where or how to start. I began to have my misgivings again. A little voice at the back of my head was telling me that I've got it all wrong. Fuck, I don't know what to do.

I noticed that Emily had removed her shoes and was standing by the door, taking a good look at the living room with interest. It was small, wee bit messy, slightly cramp, with well used second hand furniture, but it was homely, at least that's what I feel. We never had much, but we had enough.

"Make yourself at home." I said instead, settling down on the sofa before removing my shoes. "There's some juice in the fridge, just help yourself." I'm buying myself time before I figure out how I'm going to resolve this.

Emily came back with two glasses of orange juice, both without ice. She doesn't drink her juice with ice too! Man, this girl is perfect for me. Plus one for her.

She settled beside me on the sofa and my heart started the familiar thump, all too aware of her proximity to me. We sipped our juices from the glass in silence. There was a loud cacophony going on in my head. Various ideas were shouting for attention, fighting for top spot to start this whole declaration thing. My stomach twisted itself into dead knots as I felt her knee brush briefly against mine. I could feel the radiating heat from her body as we shared the slightly larger two-seater sofa.

Now. My mind commanded. But I'm not ready. What do I say? What if –

"This is a nice place." Emily commented out of the blue, interrupting my perturbed rambling mind.

I nodded wordlessly in agreement, barely registering what she just said. My whole being was tensed, well aware of what I would be doing in the next few moments.

How was this ever so hard? Shouldn't liking someone be easy? It's either they reciprocate, or they don't. If we over think things all the time and second-guess our action and thoughts, we'd never know, we'd never find out, we'd let the opportunity pass by. And I've let too many damn opportunities pass by.

Don't think. Just feel.

Since feeling is first, who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you.

I want to say, fuck the syntaxes, all the technicalities and elements in the way we word our speeches, and the sequencing of the way we process and reprocess our thoughts and actions. If we paid attention to getting our words right all the time, we'd never have the right sentence out. If we had to always choose the right timing to say whatever that's on our mind, we'd probably miss it. There'll never be an end in finding the right syntax of things.

I placed my empty glass beside Emily's on the coffee table in front of us and turned to her.

"I didn't mean it," I started out shakily, swallowing, pausing, and freaking out.

Emily's attention was on me as she frowned at my abrupt half sentence.

I continued, braving forward, taking the final step, "When I said, it was a mistake – that time – in class when I, kissed you. It does mean something to me – kissing you."

It was incoherent, disjointed and almost rushed but I paid attention to getting out everything I needed to say, forgoing all syntax, yet capturing the essence of it. I hope.

Emily's frown disappeared and an expressionless face replaced it as she stared at me, her brown eyes penetrating onto mine, not giving me a hint to what she was thinking, like she was waiting for me to continue to speak. I had run out of words; my next sentence was never thought out. I know I should say something more but all my mind was going about is that I would never kiss Emily again if I adhered to sequencing.

Since feeling is first, I suppressed my frantic palpitating heart, pushed my nerves aside and hesitantly leaned just a fraction in. My eyes automatically flicked to her rosy lips and back up to her eyes that I noticed where trained on my lips. This gave me a bit more confidence. Closing my eyes, I leaned further towards her, getting a faint whiff of her perfume, eliminating the gap and gently brushed my lips against hers, giving the slightest of kisses, before pulling back.

It was brief but how I missed this, the feel of her soft lips against mine. My heart was erupting with fireworks, my lips tingled, my brain buzzed with a certain kind of high.

Her eyes opened half a second later and slowly dragged them up to meet mine. I still couldn't read her expression but all I know that it is a good sign that she didn't pull back or that she hasn't shown any signs of trepidation.

So I leaned in again, with renewed confidence and pressed my lips against hers once more. This time, I kissed her a little harder than before, a proper kiss, lingering as long as I dared to. And she started kissing me back.

A thrill shot through my sensors as I realised she was equally returning my kisses. My whole body was tingling as my atoms collided against each other in frenzy as I let this sensation of her lips wash over me. Her perfume was making my mind spin giddily. My lips curled up into a smile as I gently cupped her face and continued my tender assault on her lips, relishing the sound of our tiny kisses that filled my ears like sweet music.

What a fool I was, to deny myself this. I was wholly a fool while Emily is in the world. My world.

We slowly broke apart. I kept my eyes shut, aware of the smile still left on my lips, as I savored the glorious sensation. I opened them in time to see Emily open hers too. They were half lidded and had a daze-struck look in them, the good kind, like she can't believe this just happened. I can't believe this happened. We were both slightly breathing heavily. A cute small smile had graced her lips, the type that clearly showed that she was more than all right with this. Her tongue darted out and trailed over her bottom lip, the very lips that I just had the privilege to kiss for an indefinite amount of time.

A delighted shudder crawled deliciously through my body. My blood approves.

Why did I use our humanly intelligence to complicate my life? All the wisdom that tells us what to do, how to think, what to say – are useless. I'd trade wisdom, all of them, because I swear by all flowers, kisses are a better fate than wisdom. And I'd rather have Emily's kisses.

Emily's eyes were wide open and staring at me, expectantly, all too aware of what we had just did. There was not a cloud of fear in them. It was like she's staring into my mind, trying to read what was in it. A very hushed silence enclosed us and I could only hear my thumping heart. My mind was in disarray, trying to organise itself after Emily's kisses had scattered its thoughts about.

"Naomi…" She started, her projected voice more husky and delicious, the kind that sounds like the after effect of kissing.

I placed a finger on her lips to silence her and gave a tiny shake of my head. No talking. Words should play no part in this. With words, we think too much.

This might be the wrong move on my part as Emily's eyes suddenly changed and exhibited vulnerability. She lowered her eyes and dipped her head uncertainly before looking back up at me. I swear I almost saw an imperceptible thin film of water in them. We were still leaning into each other, not touching, but invading each other's personal space. Don't cry.

Without thinking, I reached out and wrapped my right hand around her hip and dragged it up her back, pulling her into me and closing the distance between us once again, fusing our lips together. Another earth shattering explosion rippled through my body as our lips sought each other's with increased fervour. I felt her eyelashes on her eyelids flutter delicately against mine as I moaned into the kiss. The best gesture of my brain is less than Emily's eyelids' flutter.

I pulled her closer onto my side and slid my other hand around her neck tugging our heads closer as I could. Emily's found their way around my torso and I felt her hands grip the shirt on my back. Tiny noises of approval escaped from her throat as she smiled against my lips when I tilted my head to properly connect our lips.

Emily's kisses should be made for me because they feel so good. I'd never experienced this much euphoria in kisses with another person than with her. We are for eachother. My mind keeps playing these words over to me in repeat. We are for eachother.

Half of Emily's body was pressed against mine as we continued kissing, less frenzied but with the same innocent intensity. Her arms came up and encircled them around my neck as mine wrapped themselves around her waist. My mind was in pure bliss as I relished this sensation again and again. I could metaphorically laugh, leaning back in my arms at how simple this became.

For life's not a paragraph. I lost all structure when I let actions speak more than paragraphed words, the words I never was good at expressing myself. So I said all I wanted with the kisses. I kissed her with all the words I couldn't muster, telling her how much I'd wanted this all along, that I liked her, that we are for eachother if she let us be.

Sliding my tongue over her bottom lip, I pushed the tip of my tongue tentatively, probingly, through her lips, which she had slowly opened them. Our tips met and glided haphazardly against each other before she granted me more access and we both moaned loudly at the contact as I slipped my tongue in hungrily, properly stroking against hers. My heart pirouetted wildly and my world spun with delirium as I savoured the sweetness of her kisses and her shaky hot breath that warmed my insides.

This could go on forever and that even death I think is no parenthesis, when it comes to this. It has to be limitless; an open paranthesis.

She likes me. That was the first coherent thought that managed to spring into my mind between our kisses. She really likes me. I reaffirmed myself.

Without a warning, the main door suddenly flung open.

"Naomi! I'm – OH – "

Emily, startled by the intruder, violently wrenched herself off me with a gasp and scurried away from me, shrinking as far as she could away from me and into the side of armrest in the same sofa. She buried her face in her hands.

How timely. My mother has decided to come home from work at such an opportune timing.

"Mom!" I greeted her with a massive grin that had declared how happy I was. Not with her return I mean, but from having just snogged Emily.

Emily peaked her eyes out from behind her fingers before lowering them from her face and giving a very shy wave and smile at my mom. Her cheeks were flushed in a delicate shade of crimson, her hair a little ruffled.

"Hi Mrs Campbell." She timidly said.

"Never married. Call me Gina, dear." My mom brightly replied, pretending like she didn't just see this girl snogging her daughter.

"Mom this is Emily."

"So this is the lovely girl you mentioned?" My mom asked, as though Emily wasn't in the same room.

"Yup." I beamed again, completely unable to contain this happiness spilling out of me.

"Well I'm just going to grab something and go."

It was obvious to me that my mom was trying to give me some more time with Emily. She breezed past behind our sofa and into the kitchen, leaving me staring at a very flushed Emily, looking shyly at her hands and nothing in particular. She's so fucking cute when she blushes. I just want to grab her and continue with what we had been doing before my mom barged in.

In half a minute, my mom was out and striding towards the door. "Okay I'm going to Tesco to grab some groceries." Our heads whipped to her in acknowledgement. "Have fun girls!" She added cheerily and gave a very cheesy, cringe-worthy wink in our direction before slamming the door shut behind her.

I threw a side-glance at Emily and I swear she turned an even brighter shade of red, almost matching the colour of her hair, and shrunk deep into the sofa. She looked like she was thinking. Oh no, thinking is bad.

I had to distract her, get her out of her head. I wanted so much to carry where we left off upstairs, in my room. I really hoped for that.

"Emily," I gently called her.

Turning her head, she gave a tiny smile. I could see that she was scared. I was too. I'm scared she'll tell me that all of this was a mistake. I've laid my heart, stripped and bare in front of her. There was nothing left of me to hide.

"Do you want to – go to my room? We can, start on our work." This was the only way to get her up to my room. Yeah we probably are going to start with the lessons but frankly my mind is still preoccupied from images of us kissing. We are also probably going to have to talk about this. Time to form paragraphs. But mainly, going to my room will prevent my mom from accidentally intruding on us should we be – I hope – kissing again.

"Okay." She nodded, albeit unsurely and stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

Yes. All going according to the plan.

A thousand questions must be swarming in her head. I'm bracing myself for them. I own it to her. Emily wasn't like any other girl. She was much too different, special.

I grabbed my crutches and hefty pulled myself up, hobbling first to the flight of stairs with Emily trailing behind me. My heart started to beat with excitement as I slowly hoisted myself up, stair by stair, as I turned my head back to make sure Emily was following close behind me.