Thanks to blueMoon28, ReadingNaomilyAllDayErDay, i got caught, fookyeahskins, .blah, Alice Boricua, Crevette, mUfF MuNcHeR, fakevegan, kelevra2510, ToasterOven, desertdessert and marketfresh who left me a really long private message. You all made my day. I'm a little troubled that Jesse McCartney stole my story's limelight. :D I'm not mainstream when it comes to music, trust me; this song somehow fits.
Sorry I took a while. RL's been hectic and distracting. Had to re-plan this story, rearrange parts and stuff. Don't want to write myself into a corner; that would be tragic wouldn't it. I hope my rusty words don't show. I hope you'll like this one. I know I said chapters are going to be shorter but I've compensated the absence with length.
And I've just finished the two seasons of Sherlock. The reference is easy to spot.
Chapter Sixteen – Be Be Your Love
Emily
I'm here. – Naomi
This was a text I just received from Naomi. My lips spread into a secret happy smile as I glanced around the room to make sure Katie wasn't looking at me. No worries, she was deeply engrossed in applying her makeup by the mirror.
"I'm going early." I informed Katie and I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder.
"What? Again?" Katie half exclaimed and questioned as the paused midway while applying her mascara. "What about breakfast?"
"I'll grab something along the way." I replied already a foot out our bedroom door, not wanting to linger too long in case Katie asked more questions.
I vaguely heard some muffled reply from Katie as I padded softly down the stairs, meeting my mom at the foot of them.
"Not having any breakfast dear?" My mom asked.
"Nope, gotta get to school earlier – stuff to do." I lied with a tiny tinge of guilt.
"Alright, have a good day then. Try to eat something before class." She smiled and kissed me on my head.
I let myself out of the house and walked with a trained stifled eagerness down the pathway, turning right and around the corner.
This was just the third time over the past two weeks. On the very first, Naomi appeared right at my doorstep. Thankfully I was already dressed for school. She had hot chocolate and a bun in her hand, free from crutches. She claimed that this was a celebration with me that she was able to be free from crutches even though she couldn't walk as fast without them. I'd like to think that she was just making excuses to walk me to school. Needless to say I freaked out a bit at her unexpected arrival. I didn't want Katie or my parents to let on about Naomi's relationship with me.
I mean I really wish I could tell Katie about this. People usually think that being twins, our relationship with each other would be close. Yeah I mean, I guess there's some truth in it. We were close as kids, in a way. We laughed together, cried together, fought together and even took a dump together till we were nine. Growing up a little didn't change too much, we just didn't wear the same clothes anymore or use the same bed sheets but when Katie got interested in boys, she always discussed them with me, her glamourous fairytale dreams that always ended with a perfect wedding. It just exacerbated to a point that she got a little too self absorbed with herself but the fact is we still talk, about herself that is, while I just sat there and let her, never wondering why I didn't exactly share the same dreams.
However when Katie somehow latched on from mom, which I'd no idea how she thought this up, that I liked a boy in school, she buggered me nonstop asking for details or a clue of the boy. Suddenly the topic of interest was shifted to me and I did consider if revealing that the boy was actually Naomi wasn't too bad at all. Then again I remembered that Katie disliked Naomi because she was gay. That just makes me stop right there and think. Was I actually gay? Will Katie hate me too if I was? I'm still Emily, you know, if that is worth something. I was just torn between what I really feel and what I feel I needed to conform to.
After the very first surprise visit, I forbade Naomi to drop by in the morning. All it took her was to flash her bright blue sad eyes and pout cutely; I succumbed and relented allowing her to meet me around the corner down the road, away from my house with a condition that she couldn't do it every morning. It's not that I'm ashamed of Naomi; it's far from that. I wanted to shout at the world and let them know how fucking happy I was that she liked me. Me, Emily Fitch. Never in my wildest dreams. I wanted to tell them what a beautiful, gorgeous, smart and witty girl Naomi was, so full of goodness and the perfect person for me. There was so much bursting out of me that it was really hard for me to contain all these emotions. So what was I afraid of? Disapproval from my loved ones. That was my greatest fear. We still live in a conservative society no matter how much the society can tell us they're 'open-minded'. I can say, fuck them all to those that don't know who I am but if my family, the blood that runs in my veins turn their backs on me, it certainly would matter a lot.
I could only take this one tiny step at a time. I hope Naomi would be patient enough and think I'm worth it to stick with me.
Then I saw her as I rounded the corner, right at the same spot she waited for me the last time. This time, her back was leaning casually on the fence with her left foot propped up and on the fence. She was eating something out of a paper bag; her eyes rested lazily on the empty street as she chewed on. Her other hand held a paper multi-cup holder with sealed cups and another brown paper bag. Light has just started to seep into the world through the thick blue sky yet it was enough to cast a faint golden glow on the earth, strategically basking Naomi in it, making her look even more breathtaking. She was just in a pair of faded grey jeans, white t-shirt under a black unzipped hoodie and red vans, yet her leaning like that on the fence was just the perfect picture of ease. The golden rays seem to bring out the blondness of her hair, which was in a messy ponytail, making it look even more strikingly fucking beautiful. I swear I can never swoon hard enough even though I see her almost everyday.
My foot crunched on a dried leaf as I walked over. The sound of it alerted Naomi and she snapped her head up in my direction. She stopped mid-chew, mouth full and one cheek puffy but a wide smile was spread across her face that reached her eyes and warmed my heart with it. I don't think I can ever get used to seeing that smile, which seemed to be just for me, on her face, every time. She crushed the paper bag in her hand and hastily swallowed the food.
"Hi." I gave a small wave as I approached Naomi.
"Hi." She smiled, putting her foot back firmly on the pavement. We started walking down the pavement. "So I got you a croissant and hot chocolate today." She passed me a brown paper bag that still felt rather hot.
"You finished your bread already?" I asked as I reached to take my cup of hot chocolate but Naomi shook her head and pulled it out of reach.
"Yup so I'll hold it for you. Don't want the same tragic thing to happen again." She gave a cheeky smile at me.
"What!" I huffed indignantly. "It was just that once!"
On the previous time, I was holding the bun in one hand and the cup in another. I was trying to wriggle the last bite of the bun all the way from the bottom of the bag to the surface with one hand. Being really unsuccessful, I tried to multitask, using the other hand that was clutching the cup to assist the other. Somehow I managed to bimbotically drop the cup, spilling hot chocolate all over the sidewalk and barely missing Naomi's shoes. I'm usually not that clumsy but I could feel Naomi staring at me, which always makes me really nervous in some strange way.
"Oh admit it, you have small clumsy hands." Naomi teased me, her eyes twinkling with mischievousness.
"I do not!"
"Yes you do." She retorted in a singsong manner, trying to wind me up.
"Do not!"
Naomi shook her head and chuckled.
"Prove it!"
"Give me your hand."
I wasn't expecting that but I held out my left hand with my palm facing upward thinking she was going to perform some sort of test. Instead, she placed her right palm right on top and laced her fingers through mine. She brought our hands between us and gave a little squeeze. All the teasing was forgotten. A strange fluttering sensation erupted in the pit of my stomach, spreading throughout my body. My heart did violent somersaults, threatening to burst out of my chest. I felt my lips pull up into a smile as I shyly looked at Naomi, noting that she was also looking at me with the same shyness with an unsure expression on her face, like she didn't know if this was okay. Her cheeks were a shade of light pink and she was biting her lip, waiting for my reaction.
We hadn't held hands since the moment on the bus ride. That night, Naomi surprised me then, pulling me close to her side and almost enveloping me. I had instinctively wrapped my arms around and snuggled into her shoulder, relishing with delight the warmness of her body and her scent swimming in my head. All sleepiness had left me and all my sensors became alert. I pressed myself into her as much as I dared, hoping that she wouldn't feel my frantic beating heart that was certain to give me away. I had shut my eyes, pretending I was taking a nap. I was afraid that if I was 'awake', I wouldn't be able to snuggle with her. The truth was that I was just savouring that very moment, where nothing seemed to matter, and time just suspended, and the world and it's noises faded away into something less significant than this. When I thought it couldn't get any better, she slipped her fingers through mine, hesitantly, wanting, and my heart just exploded with joy. I've never felt so complete.
However since then, Naomi seemed to take things slowly. She hasn't pushed me much but seemed to let me decide the pace. The worst thing about it was that I feel that I'm practically not doing anything to encourage her. I'm totally out of my depth here. I don't know what to do or how to give those bloody signals. All I know is I was all ready to be her girlfriend. If she'd asked me again on that date that night, I think I would have readily agreed. But during these past two weeks, she had made no attempt to kiss me or hold my hand. I was starting to worry if she'd lost interest in me. We still talked a lot, joked and teased, it was all the same, the usual comfortableness; it was as though we didn't kiss in her bedroom or went on that wonderful date.
But her holding my hand now just eradicates all my inner fears.
Naomi pulled me closer to her until our shoulders were just touching; my insides bubbled with happiness at our proximity.
"Is this okay?" Naomi asked quietly, her voice low and cautious.
I shrugged and gave a confused half shake and half nod with my head. I was torn. Yes it was okay but yet I was still in the neighbourhood where I lived…
"K-Katie might see." I stuttered, suddenly feeling paranoid and nervous as though Katie was really just going to jump out from nowhere.
"Oh." Naomi sounded disappointed and reluctantly released her grip. My hand felt a sudden loss of warmth. The twinkle in her blue eyes was gone and I felt really bad for putting on her my baggage full of insecurities. I hated not admitting what I wanted.
"I'm sorry." I lowered my head and stared at the ground our steps continued to cover.
There was a silence, only punctuated by our footsteps and a passing car whizzing by. I fucked it up. Naomi's not going to think I'm worth it.
"I know this is kind of – new for you, even for me," Naomi broke the silence, her hand that held mine a moment ago was firmly tucked in the pocket of her hoodie, "And maybe, it will still be like that if we – if we are together." Her cheeks flushed at that again. "But I don't mind. I'll wait for you, if – if you want me to."
She looked at me with her eyes full of sincerity, anxiousness and truth in them. I'm already yours. I wanted to tell that to her. I just need some time.
When someone that perfect like that comes around, you grab her and hold on to her. Letting her walk by would be the biggest mistake of my life.
Recklessness rushed through me. I reached out and grabbed her forearm. Pulling her nearer, I tilted my head up a fraction and pressed a firm kiss on her cheek, retracting quickly after. My heart was running a thousand miles an hour; blood rushed to my head at this impulsive act. Was it enough to tell her everything I couldn't say?
I was rewarded with a small smile at first. Naomi's eyes were filled with surprise. Just the corners of her lips twitched upward. Then it bloomed into a wider smile as she lightly touched the part where I kissed her. The way she looked at me was different now; her eyes were boring into mine, like it was more – contemplative, searching.
"You didn't like that?" I joked.
Naomi lifted her head and pretended to think, "Well it could be better if it was here." She tapped her index finger to her pink lips, pouting them a little, setting a trap. If I weren't careful I'd get ensnared in it.
"In your dreams Campbell." I laughed and edged away from her, breaking into a small run. I knew she wasn't serious.
"Not fair!" I heard her huff behind me as she slowly caught up to me, trying hard not to hurt her leg again. She gave a small poke at my ribs and I squealed, slapping her hand away.
I've never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. We continued our light bickering and conversation, bumping our shoulders all the way to school. If only every day started out like that.
.
.
I stood outside the hallway, nervously, bouncing on the balls of my feet. Adjusting the bag on my shoulder, I absent-mindedly scanned the corridor, barely looking at the streams of noisy students pouring through doors. Most of them had just finished their last class of the day.
I wasn't waiting for Naomi; I was waiting for James. Yeah, I guess there's a limit to the amount of times I could turn him down. It wasn't a date or anything; I'd decided to honestly tell him that we couldn't be more than friends, not because I was waiting for Naomi, but because I wasn't attracted to him like how I was attracted to Naomi. Even if Naomi and I weren't together in the future, and I hope that isn't gonna be that way, there was still no way I would consider him. I couldn't be selfish and continue to lead him on, letting him assume we had something going on.
Loud chatter broke through my thoughts. I looked up and saw the very girl in my subconscious slowly descending a flight of stairs with a girl I didn't recognise beside her. The girl was about the same height as Naomi was. She had broad shoulders, a slim figure and toned arms. Her hair was long, a shade of wood brown and slightly wavy. She was wearing a simple white short sleeve blouse and black jeans that encased her long and slim legs. I think the thing that got me was that she was walking really close beside Naomi, really too fucking close. My eyes narrowed imperceptibly and my brows knitted together as I witnessed that unknown girl talk animatedly with Naomi and gave Naomi the deftest of touches with her hands. And the worse part was that Naomi was responding with one of her delicious laughs.
An irrational senseless fireball of jealousy flared up in me yet a small slice of cold sadness slipped through all that green envy. I couldn't, should not, feel that way. Naomi wasn't mine and I had absolutely no right to feel so possessive over her. She was technically single to everyone else and very attractive; it's no wonder that other girls have her in their sights.
It was almost like déjà vu all over again, like how I had met Angela and Naomi haven't even started to notice me. I could almost imagine that girl suddenly grabbing Naomi and giving her a kiss right in the middle of that hallway and Naomi would respond in the same way. No – that wouldn't be right. Naomi likes me right? Those kisses she gave me and that handholding must've meant something isn't it? I shouldn't doubt her or myself; we have something going on between us and I shouldn't think that way, but that didn't mean I was okay with her laughing with other girls.
I tried very hard to push my insecurities aside. The less I see, the less my thoughts go wild. I ducked my head and quickly attempted to disappear.
"Emily!"
Oh fuck, too late.
Naomi approached me, her eyes sparkling with a shine of delight that seemed to brighten and lift my heart. I'd like to hope that the shine in her eyes was only for me. Unknown girl followed close behind, looking rather curiously at me.
"Hey." I gave a slight smile, feeling unsure and strange in the presence of someone else I don't know.
"Where're you going?" Naomi asked.
"Uh…" I hesitated. "Home." I don't think I want to tell her that I'm meeting James. "You?" I asked.
"Practice – oh, this is Sophia." Naomi flicked her hand casually to the girl beside her. It was like that girl wasn't so important right now. That got me slightly relieved. "She's gonna replace me for a few matches because I still can't play. Nothing near as good as me but – OW!" Sophia smacked Naomi's forearm.
"Don't be so full of yourself!" Sophia grinned, her hazel brown eyes twinkling at Naomi, "I might replace you for good."
"You wish. Ow, that hurt." Naomi rubbed her palm against her arm.
"Oh sorry." Sophia replied. She reached up and rubbed that spot where she smacked Naomi, her palm gently gliding up and down the length of Naomi's forearm. "Better?" Her voice had gone soft.
My eyes collected all data and dissected each action. Lingering touch. Glances, no, stares. Close proximity. Smiles. Flick of her hair. Sweet voice. Overstepping boundaries. No shit Sherlock, Sophia is definitely interested in Naomi.
Naomi brushed Sophia's arm away awkwardly, edged away and cleared her throat. A little hope rekindled in my heart. At least Naomi brushed her off. If I could just take Naomi away right now, to somewhere only both of us existed, away from this school, from Sophia. I miss her even though I saw her the day before, yesterday and this morning. Not being with her is agonising. She consumes my entire being. And it's scary how much I already crave for her.
"We're just going to the court now… you wanna – " Naomi paused and looked unsurely at Sophia just for a split second, the question left uncompleted.
"Emily!"
Oh fuck. I closed my eyes in horror. This was something I didn't anticipate.
James bounded over to where the three of us were standing.
"Naomi." He greeted. "And…"
"Sophia." Sophia supplied helpfully.
"Ooo pretty fit bird." He grinned at Sophia who frowned before turning to me. "You ready to go?
"Go where?" Naomi cut in a little too sharply, frowning at the question.
I wished the ground could just split right open and swallow me up, or maybe I'll just pretend to faint to avoid answering the question.
"We're having lunch." James replied. Too late.
"I thought you were going home?" Naomi looked at me, her blue eyes flashing dangerously.
"Um, yeah." I mumbled, "Lunch first." I tried to convey that this wasn't some date with my eyes but apparently Naomi didn't get it.
I know I promised Naomi I wouldn't go out with James. Well, I wasn't. We're just having lunch together, as friends; she can't stop me from doing that; she had no right to. Friends have lunch together right? Or hang out together. That should be totally fine. She was also hanging out with other girls. I shouldn't, mustn't, have a problem with that. Vice versa.
James looked at me, then at Naomi strangely and Sophia for a bit, "We'd be goin' now. You girls have fun." He winked and grabbed by hand, pulling me along but releasing his hand instantly. Thankfully he did or Naomi might get a fit if he continued holding mine. At least I know I would get a fit if Sophia held Naomi's hand.
I just managed a brief look at Naomi before being whisked off. She bit the inside of her cheek and looked pissed yet she was trying not to show it, doing a pretty bad job at it in fact. I dared to turn my head back one more last time, catching her watching me. Our eyes met briefly but she turned away and talked to Sophia. My heart crushed into a heavy knot, a slight pain constricting my chest. It shouldn't have turned out this way. There was nothing going on with James and I should have come clean with the lunch but that simply wasn't the right time to discuss about that nor did I think it was important. I really didn't need to ask for her permission to eat with him yet I can't help but feel terrible for prodding Naomi in the wrong direction, giving her the wrong idea. What if she gives up on me? What if she thinks I'm not worth the wait anymore? What if she realises that she didn't really like me at all. I died a little inside; I don't think I can handle not being with Naomi or go all the way back to square one where we never talked to each other.
I somehow made it outside the school gates. My mind was still in a whirl. I felt like I lost all my appetite despite being hungry a while ago.
"You alright?" James asked me, looking a little concerned. "Lookin' bit pale."
"Yeah just not really hungry now."
There was a light silence as I stared at the pavement my feet were walking on like autopilot. Sometimes I feel amazed how our feet can carry us in the right direction even when our minds are leagues away. It was almost effortless, our subconscious. My present attention was wholly on what Naomi was doing and thinking right now; my feet had a different mind on its own.
"That Sophia, you know her?" James asked, probably trying to make conversation. That girl was one of the concerns in my mind now but I didn't really want to talk about her, or think about her.
"Just today. Naomi said something about replacing her." I replied with lacklustre.
"She's rather fit." He grinned. "Naomi does have great taste."
"You think Naomi would like her?" Words escaped my mouth before I could mentally process them. No don't answer that, I don't want to know. My mind silently screamed. I never felt so tormented and torn.
"Why not? Long legs, tall, fit as fuck an' all that. Exactly like Naomi's type. That girl was slobbering all over her." James chuckled lightly.
I kinda deduced from that that Naomi had a history of dating tall, fit girls with long legs. I, on the other hand, am completely the opposite. I wasn't tall so I don't have long legs and I mightn't be as fit as those girls are. I suddenly felt totally inadequate. I wasn't Naomi's 'type'. Everything seemed to feel rather bleak now after the comparison. My heart sank a thousand levels.
"But I like you as you are." James' voice broke through my thoughts, startling me at his blatant honesty, looking a tad shy.
I stopped abruptly. This is it. I can't let James carry on thinking he has even a glimmer of chance with me. I can't carry on and pretend to be oblivious and avoid the topic, not when he has constantly made himself clear. It wasn't fair to him. He should transfer his energy to some other girl that would be attracted to him.
"I've… got something to tell you." I hesitantly and nervously said.
James stopped and turned expectantly to me, his eyebrows slightly raised with a question.
I gulped a couple of times and the words in my mind stammered. I hadn't thought of the right sentence, phrase or words to say. I just knew I had to spit it out, tactfully or bluntly, maybe both, tactfully blunt.
"I don't like you." Those words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them; the attempt to be tactful was bypassed. I inwardly kicked myself for my poor choice of words. James was looking at me with a blank look. I pushed on to redeem myself. "I mean – I like you, very much. It's just – you're like – a brother to me, the best – brother that I could have." I brought my hands up to my face, rubbing my palms over my eyes, a distinct sense of loss and fear overwhelming me. James' expression hadn't faltered; he just stared at me with those different blue eyes of his, not giving away any hint of what was going on in his mind. I was scared I'd fucked up this friendship between us. I really liked being his friend and I didn't want to lose him just because I can't feel the same way he feels about me. "I'm s-sorry." I choked out, my voice going thick and husky. I was almost on the verge of shedding a tear. I'd no idea why I'm reacting in this way. Maybe it was the possibility of losing James, or losing Naomi, or both. "I didn't mea– "
Before I could try to continue, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders and pulled me in. My forehead connected with James' firm chest and I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a tight squeeze and screwed my eyes shut. "It's okay." James said in a low voice and patted my back. "I know."
"What?" I pulled slightly back in surprise, lifting my head and looking at him. His eyes had a set look on them as he gazed down on me.
"I know." He repeated. His mouth twitched in to a tight smile that never matched his eyes.
The words felt like it held a double meaning. It could even be a pretext. 'I know.' It could mean so many things. I know you didn't like me. I know you like someone else. I know you like Naomi. It could mean one and all three of them. I was badly over thinking it.
I took a breath and extricated myself. His arms slipped off my shoulders and he placed them by his sides.
"I'm sorry." I repeated again. I don't know why but I just had to say it.
"It's okay." James gave a half shrug and smiled, this time it was less strained, like he was trying to lighten up the situation. "I kinda – was hopin' that you'd somehow – yer know, like me, but –" He shrugged again, like he was trying to portray all he wanted to say in that shrug, yet at the same time trying to leave it.
"I do… but it's not like that…"
"There 's someone else init?"
I was stunned. It wasn't a question; it was a statement. How – did he know? There was malice or jealousy in his eyes or tone when he asked that. It was simple and direct; he was genuinely trying to confirm that. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't prepared to divulge this piece of information to anyone besides my group of friends, not even James. It isn't that I didn't trust him. Naomi and I weren't together; I didn't want to let him know that I was crushing on his best friend or that Naomi stole me away from him. Plus, I didn't want him to think that I rejected him because I was gay. Because I'm not. But this is just so fucking complicated. He'll know eventually but I want to be sure with Naomi before letting him know.
"It's complicated." I shook my head, hoping he wouldn't try to pry. I didn't deny his statement but I knew he knew.
He kept silent for a while, his eyes boring into mine as we held eye contact for a good many seconds. There was a slight disappointment in them yet it looked like he was thinking, pondering. It was unnerving. Eventually he broke it.
"Okay." He said and smiled, breaking the tension. "That's one lucky person there."
I couldn't help but note a slight underlying tone of sadness to his voice too and my heart cracked a little for him.
"That lucky twat better treat you right or ol' Cookie here will come after 'em an' I don't care if it's an animal or alien." James joked and I chucked and swatted his arm. I can't help but feel relieved at how this was turning out.
"So we still friends?" I asked, still can't help having the small doubt in my voice.
"Of course. You're still muh Emilio!" He ruffled my hair, completely messing it up. I let him. I didn't care if we can be like this again. "Yer know, I knew you couldn't be into me." He said, starting to walk ahead while I followed him.
"Oh why's that?" I asked, not knowing where this was going.
"Because, no one ever turns down the Cookie Monster, they're all gaggin' fer me." He laughed. "You're just a wee bit special aren't ya?" There it was; that ambiguous question again. I don't know if it was intentional.
"Cook," I said with deadpan, calling him by that name for the first time in ages, "You might be surprised that not all girls are interested in you."
I saw his mask waver slightly and instantly felt like I was pushing it too early and too much. They say the ones who appear to wear their hearts on their sleeves are the ones that actually have hidden a lot deep inside. I wonder if James was like that. He had a sweet and soft side to him that he rarely let people see.
He chuckled a little and grinned, "Come on red, we still can do lunch together aye?"
"Definitely."
James increased his pace ahead. I slipped my phone quickly out of my bag and checked the screen. No new messages. I sighed heavily inwardly and stuffed it back in, hurrying to catch up.
I wonder what you're doing and what you're thinking.
.
.
I lay on my bed thinking about the exact same things as I did all afternoon. It was ten at night and I hadn't gotten a text or a call from Naomi. I was uncomfortable, anxious, paranoid and distressed. Was Naomi home or was she out with Sophia? Many times I took out my phone wanting to text her but I never got a word out. I wanted to see her, to tell her about the misunderstanding, but I didn't know how to. I'd barely tasted my dinner and resigned myself to an early night.
I tossed restlessly on my bed and ended up curled up on my side, pulling the covers up to my neck. Katie was out and I took the comfort in the silence of the room to numb my thoughts.
Suddenly my phone buzzed and the text alert tone rang concurrently. I jolted out of my bed covers, reached over and grabbed my phone on the bedside stand, all motions very swift and frantic. I fumbled with the passkey as I saw Naomi's name light up on the screen.
Need to see you. – Naomi
My heart hammered loudly as I read the text. I couldn't decipher anything from those words. I couldn't deduce any tone or expression from that. I stared at the screen for a bit before typing.
Me too. – Emily
I saw that Naomi had started to type and waited anxiously for her reply.
I'm at the shelter. – Naomi
My eyes widened. I didn't expect her to mean that she wanted to see me right now. I fired back a quick reply and hurriedly got out of bed, my legs almost getting entangled with the covers. I pulled off my t-shirt and pulled on a thicker sweater before grabbing my phone and house keys and letting myself quietly out of the house.
I walked as fast as my legs could carry me, half running, striding, to the shelter in the park. Soon it loomed up ahead and I could just make out a slim silhouette in it. As I got nearer, I saw Naomi sitting in the middle hunched over her phone in her hands, the screen light casting a faint glow on her face. I slowed my footsteps and stepped quietly in. Naomi's head whipped around in an instant, as though she heard me enter, or she was just sensitive to my presence. Through the bright moonlight and a distant streetlamp, I could clearly see her expression; it was a mix of relief and maybe uncertainty or trepidity? It made me nervous.
"Emily." She said my name as she stood up to meet me face to face, about an arm's length away. Her beautiful eyes held my breath as words in my mind rushed around in a frenzy. I'd my speech half written in my mind, in vague drips and drabs, as I came out to meet her. I wasn't quite prepared but I was willing to go for it.
"It's not what it seems – " I started.
"I know it feels too fast – " Naomi started at the same time. Both of us gave a small laugh. "You first." She inclined her head.
I swallowed and shuffled a little on my feet before collecting my nerves and looked at her in the eye. "James and I…" I paused and saw her flinch at the mention of coupling his name and mine, "Are just friends – really good friends. I met him today to tell him that – that I wasn't – that I'm not – interested in him. I didn't want to lead him on – let him think there was something." I released a breath that I'd been holding. Naomi's face was impassive, but there was something in her eyes, like her serious stare softened and she looked less uncertain. I clasped my hands together, trying to keep them warm from the cold wind. I wished I could just reach out to Naomi and hold her hand to let her know that I meant what I said.
Silence fell between us like a huge heavy rock. It seemed like eternity waiting for Naomi to speak. But I made myself clear, I think. I didn't say it out loud, but read my heart Naomi, can you see that I don't want anyone else?
"You know," Naomi finally spoke. "Seeing you going off with James today just made me so…" She turned her head away and gave a short laugh that sounded like disbelief, "So fucking – mad and – scared that you were going to walk away with him like we were – nothing." Her voice a little shrill and her eyes snapped back to mine; they were wide and full of emotions.
My heart pounded as I heard those words. I waited for her to continue.
"I just can't handle not – being close to you, away from you – seeing you with someone else." My body shivered as she took a step closer to me, not from the cold, but our decreasing proximity from each other. Her blonde hair, illuminated by the moonlight, looked a precious shade of silver, fell over her face as the wind petulantly blew it across. I wanted so badly to reach up to her face and caress those strands away.
Everything was falling, my doubts, my insecurities, my self-control, everything, and I am included in that. My heart fell right open and laid itself bare. How I tried to be just okay, to hold something back. But I never could, not with Naomi so close, biting on her lip and being just so absolutely sexy, gorgeous and jealous.
Naomi's always been the one initiating right from the start. It's my turn to make the move.
I leant in marginally, flicking my eyes to her lips and back to her eyes. "Just give me a fucking…" I said hoarsely, barely a whisper. Her eyes rested on my lips and my boldness increased.
My eyes fluttered shut as I closed the final gap, my mind spontaneously exploding as my lips met Naomi's smooth parted ones. I gave a tentative kiss, then another, and my heart just swelled tenfold when Naomi immediately responded. Her arms came around my waist and tugged me closer till our bodies were flushed against each other's and placed a harder and deeper kiss on me that sucked all my breath away. She moaned as my hand came up to cup her cheek, the other one tangling itself in her silky soft hair, pulling her head as close to mine as I could till we were fused as one. She wants this as much as I do. Oh my fucking… how I've craved for this so fucking much.
My small gasp turned into a low moan as Naomi gently bit my lip, tugging and sucking it before dipping her tongue in my mouth, probing. My tongue met hers and a glorious sensation erupted straight through my body and right down to my stomach as our tongues glided and slipped, surely and fervently against each other's. My hands now grabbed firmly to the back of her neck as I felt my knees grow weak from the escalating intensity of her kisses. I felt like I was soaring, the ecstatic rush of the chemicals from kisses sent my head flying, like a bird taking it's first ever flight. Yet this wasn't a first, this wasn't new, but somehow this felt like a first, the very first time both of us completely surrendered, being aware of our longing and craving for each other.
I gently pulled my lips away from hers, inhaling the air I was momentarily deprived of. My hands untangled themselves from her hair and slid down to her shoulders. I slowly licked my lips, inwardly delighting how they were damp with Naomi's sweet wet kisses. She tasted so fucking good; I could possibly get addicted to it. A small smile was on her lips, the kind that came with a set of scintillating and shining blue eyes fixated on me. My whole body was buzzing from the rush of kisses.
"Say something." I whispered, my eyes searching hers.
"Be mine, be my girlfriend." Naomi replied in a heartbeat, unfaltering.
Yeah but all I really wanted was a little piece of you.
"Yes." I nodded, my voice smiled and my heartbeat spiralled upward, straight into the atmosphere.
A huge and wide delighted smile materialised on Naomi's face. She leant down and brushed her nose gently against mine, then giving me a lingering chaste kiss. Finally, I thought happily.
Naomi sat down on the cement floor pulling be down beside her. My knees rested on top of her crossed legs as she wrapped her left arm firmly around my waist while her right came around in front to hold her own left hand, huddling me close, locking and trapping me in her strong arms. I relished how warm she felt as I pressed myself into her, my head just mere inches away from hers.
"You made me so jealous seeing you go off with James." Naomi looked at me and spoke while tightening her grip. "I thought – the way he was looking at you – I thought I was gonna lose you."
"I'm with you now." I assured her as much as I feel she was assuring me with her arms tightly around me. It was as though she was clutching me as close to her heart as possible. I could feel her raw emotions emitting from her eyes.
"Yes you are." She grinned happily and leant in for a kiss.
Oh yeah, I could totally get used to being kissed randomly by her. I've craved for this for weeks, maybe even months if I dared to admit.
"But really," Naomi continued, "I almost wanted to cause some harm – like strangle him or snip off his tiny balls or something." She chuckled to herself, like she can't believe her thoughts from that moment of jealous insanity.
"What? They're tiny?" I exclaimed desperately trying to imagine something really… small.
"Actually, no." She admitted and gave a short laugh.
"You've – you've seen them?" I spluttered, wondering what exactly were the boundaries of their friendship. If Naomi had seen James in the buff, does that mean that James has seen Naomi… naked? That wasn't fair. When is it my turn? I suddenly felt very warm as blurry inappropriate images flashed through my mind, all pertaining to this gorgeous girl wrapping me in her arms.
"Yeah – but… Hey! Shit. Don't think about that! The last thing I want is my girlfriend trying to picture some bloke's balls in her head!" Naomi raised her voice and looked horrified at me.
I laughed, gladly, snuggling into her and resting my head on her shoulder. My heart was singing with joy. Girlfriend. She called me girlfriend. I'm Naomi's girlfriend. That will need some getting used to.
Then I thought about that girl today, Sophia, and it just made me feel ill at ease.
"Naomi?"
"Hmm?"
"What about that girl today? Sophia." I asked hesitantly and unsurely.
"Who? – Oh yeah why?" Naomi shifted to look at me as I lifted my head.
"I think she likes you…"
"Nah." She laughed and brushed it off.
"No, really." I pulled slightly away from her.
"Don't be silly." She said as though she read my fears. Her right hand came down to lace itself through my left as she kissed my temple. "She's got nothing on you."
I kissed her then, pushing through my insecurities, out of relief. Naomi opened her mouth and I took the opportunity to explore her mouth with my tongue, feeling her moan resonate through my body as I grabbed on to her back, pulling her tightly into me. We kissed fiercely until both of us ran out of breath, reluctantly breaking apart. I shuddered as I heard her heavy breathing and felt her warm breath on my lips. Her eyes were half lidded, looking at me through her thick lashes. She's so mind blowing fucking sexy. I could feel myself getting wet at the thought of kissing her endlessly.
"Am I allowed to kiss you at school?" Naomi asked after both our breathing eased.
Shit. I hadn't thought about that. Those prowling girls wouldn't know Naomi's taken if I don't "display" our relationship to everyone. The problem is that I'm still afraid of telling taking. It is frustrating how much I care about what my sister thinks about this. I can't help it that I care. And there's still James.
"In private?" I asked hopefully.
"Oh yeah…" Naomi's voice lowered as she half growled and purred into my left ear. "In locked classrooms, tiny toilet cubicles, against lockers in an empty hallway." I trembled as she nipped my earlobe and splashed tiny kisses down my jaw. My underwear felt completely soaked.
I smiled as our lips met for the uncountable time, this time briefly, yet with the same level of tenderness.
"Oh I forgot this." Naomi unzipped her bag and pulling out a – stuffed bear?
She looked embarrassed as she held it. I stared at it in surprise. It was palm-sized with furry fur that looked a light shade of pale gold in the moonlight, almost resembling Naomi's hair. Two black oval beads marked its eyes and its nose on the snout was denoted by a bundle of black threads, its mouth two black straight down slanting lines making it look like it's frowning. Around it's neck wound a green and white striped scarf. The cheesy part was that there was a red stuffed heart sewn to its paws.
"What's this?"
"This," Naomi brought the bear to eye level and looked at it, "was my initial feeble attempt of convincing you to be my girlfriend." She mumbled. I swear Naomi blushed hard at that. She looked so sheepish that I wanted to kiss her.
A teasing grin of delight appeared on my face. "Why Naoms, I didn't know you were such a cheesy sappy cliché." I took the bear from her and stroked the fur on its head with my thumb.
Naomi gave some ineloquent cute grumble from her throat and pouted even though I kissed her on the lips.
"But I love it." I said, cuddling it to my face, feeling the soft fur brush against my cheek. "Let's give it a name!" I said excitedly, clutching Naomi's arm.
"Little Naomi." Naomi replied promptly, unabashedly this time. Seems like she'd thought about this before.
"Are you serious?" I frowned. "How does he look like you?"
"She has golden fur, something like my hair. You know, something to remind you of me when I'm not beside you." She grinned, looking pleased with herself.
"I think the name Blondie suits him better." I teased, watching her frown and pout. "Aww it's frowning like you now." I touched Naomi's lips briefly with the bear's snout. Her lips twitched a little, trying hard not to smile.
She pulled me into her arms once again and I nuzzled into her neck, taking in the scent of her skin and sighing contentedly.
"I'm so happy right now." Naomi whispered and I responded with a tiny kiss on her warm skin, finding my hand entangled with hers.
Me too. I thought silently, because finally, I can be your love, for real.
A/N: Finally? This might not be the finally you're looking for but I reckon this chapter is important, at least to me. I hope no one's dying in a bad way from sappiness or fluff. At least more things can progress from here on! I hope it's not too disappointing though. I know the pace seems quite slow or Emily's reactions could be quite frustrating but I guess that what RL is sometimes and I'm trying to portray that struggle right. I'm going to England again somewhere at the end of next month and I hope to get something up by then. I've the next one already mapped out in my head so it might be easier. As usual, thanks for still reading and leaving a review would make me happy. :)