"Hi, this is Sam & Cat, what can I do for you?"
Sam recites the into the phone while picking a cheese string out of the hair of a giggling four year-old currently lodged on her hip.
"Let me check for you a moment." She flips open the schedule book on the reception desk and scans her finger down the page. "We've got a free slot, do you want to confirm? ….Great. Tuesday, 2:30PM, Kayla. Thanks."
Business had been going well for her lately, but it mean that she was completely swamped and barely had time for herself anymore. But in a way, she was grateful for it, because it took her mind off of so many things that she didn't want to deal with anymore…things that she had left back at home.
She sets the child down on the floor to play, and plops herself down on the couch. It's starting to grow dark outside, with the street lamp outside glowing through the window imprinted Sam & Cat's Daycare Center. Her motorbike is parked right next to the lamppost, and all Sam thinks about is how many minutes there are left until she can go home for the day.
She recalls Spencer's words to her after she'd found out about Carly kis….well, okay. She really didn't want to remember that part. But for the first time since Carly had left to Italy, she felt important again, and like somebody actually cared what was going on past her witty, sarcastic front.
"I still don't understand how you could just giveme this bike. Seriously, Spencer, this is amazing."
"Like I said, you deserve it. You've been an amazing friend to Carly."
"And she always was for me…mostly." She smiles solemnly, the hurt still evident in her eyes.
"I can't say that I can justify what my sister does sometimes, but sometimes loving those around you means you try to look past their mistakes."
"She didn't exactly describe it as a mistake."
"I know. But look, you have a motorbike. I know you're going to want to get away from everything sometimes, and that's okay. Go far and forget about what's bothering you. But don't forget where you call home."
She snaps out of her daydream when she hears her name being called out.
"Sam! Saaaaam!" a high-pitched, childish voice pipes up. Cat, her roommate and business partner, pops her bright red head around the corner into the office.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"There's a cute guy in the lobby who says he's looking for you!" she giggles and winks at Sam.
"Who?"
"That guy you used to do your webshow with, you know, Fre—"
"TELL HIM I'M NOT HERE." She whisper-yells, and dives under the desk, curling up into a ball.
"But—"
"I don't care! Just tell him I've gone out."
"Okay!"
She hears footsteps approaching the door, and holds her breath in, catching the tiniest waft of his cologne.
"Sorry, she's not here." Cat recites, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger.
"But…her bike is parked out front." She can hear the familiar, warm voice that she had tried so hard to forget, and shuts her eyes tight.
"She…uh…"
"Where is she, Cat?!"
"DON'T YELL AT ME, SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT SHE'S NOT HERE." Cat wails. Sam slaps her forehead, and winces at how foggy her partner was sometimes. A great babysitter, but not the sharpest crayon in the box. Apparently the slap to her forehead was pretty loud, because she could here Freddie calling out—
"Sam?"
Knowing she couldn't really hide anymore, she slowly picks herself up off the floor, awkwardly forcing a half-hearted grin while rearranging herself. She sees him for the first time in months, and her heart starts beating ten times faster. He looked tired, worn out, and like he had lost some weight, but it shouldn't have been any of her concern as to why that was.
"I uh…hi. What's up?"
"'Wh-what's up?!' I come all the way to L.A. to find you after you suddenly disappeared in January, and all you can say is 'What's up?'?" he looks pained, and in disbelief.
"Uh…I think I hear Tommy crying." Cat murmurs and slowly backtracks into the playroom. The office falls silent and neither of them look at each other for a good 5 minutes. Finally, Sam lowers herself into the desk chair, and puts her head in her hands.
"What are you doing here, Freddie?"
"You really thought I wasn't going to lose my mind over the fact that you just up and left out of the blue without so much as a goodbye? I almost called the police, Sam!"
"How'd you know where I was? Did Spencer tell you? I'm going to kill him…"
"I found your website, it's not Spencer's fault."
"So you came all the way to L.A. to find me? Are you insane?"
"Well, that, and I start at UCLA in month or so."
Right. She'd almost forgotten that brief conversation they'd had during their short-lived relationship when he'd told her about he plans for college. Still, he didn't think he'd actually find her.
"I don't really know what you want me to say, Freddie. I mean, I left, didn't I? That kind of implies that I didn't want anything to do with my life back in Seattle anymore, doesn't it?"
"That's what I don't get, Sam. Why? What was so bad that you felt the need to run away overnight?"
"Everything! Everything, okay? I was never going to get anywhere in life back in that rainy, miserable city, and so I left! I was sick of being second best, I was sick of doing what other people expected me to do, and I was sick of waiting around for you! Is that what you want to hear?"
It's only then that she realizes that her face is wet with tears, and she turns around to hide her face, frantically wiping at her eyes.
"Sam…I didn't know you still felt that way…about us."
"Of course I still felt that way. When you asked me if I wanted to get back together, I almost flipped my shit because I actually thought you might still feel the same way about me after all."
"I did think about it, but you sounded like you were unsure when you asked me back, so I panicked."
"And in the end, Carly still has your heart."
"…What are you talking about?"
"Don't act like you don't know. She told me that you two…"
"Sam, that…she was saying goodbye. It didn't mean anything, I swear."
"Then why did you both feel like it was information that needed to be kept from me? What happened to 'no secrets'?"
He walks around the other side of the desk, now at her side.
"I never tried to keep it from you. I just…it made me confused about my feelings. Feelings that I didn't know how to interpret, whether they were platonic or romantic."
She turns her head slightly, though not looking at him. She can't. She just needed to hear him say what she needed.
"Just tell me one thing, Freddie. What does 'I love you' mean to you?"
He doesn't make a sound, but just stares at her, not sure how to answer.
"Did you ever even mean it? Or is love just something that you can throw around frivolously to any girl who shows you any affection?"
He now crouches down next to her, and takes her hand, and pushing back a strand of hair, tucking it behind her ear. She looks at him with watery eyes, and this is the first time he's seen her cry – properly cry. He brings his face close to hers, and gently presses his lips against hers, her short breath trembling. She misses the feel of his kiss, and makes a mental notes of the knot in her stomach, but pulls away.
"You have to know that my feelings for you were always genuine."
"But you never…loved me. That way."
"I…well…"
"It's so much harder when you have to actually mean it, isn't it?"
His eyes sadden, and he begins to play with her fingers.
"I need time, Sam. We never got the chance to finish what we started, and—"
"No. I can't do it anymore, Freddie."
"Why not? We're both here now, and we've got each other for ages to come, and—"
"Don't you get it? This is a new chapter in our lives. I'll always be your friend, but I can't be the one you come running back to when all else fails. I…I deserve better than that."
It takes everything in him to hold back the tears, but he finally nods. She laughs briefly through her tears, and ruffles his hair.
"Get up, you look a mess, Fredwad."
"You have no idea how much I've missed hearing you call me that."
She holds her arms out, a small smirk on her face, and he steps into her hug, placing his hands on her small back. She smiles, proud of herself for finally taking a stand for her heart. After all these years, she realized that her fists were never the weapons she needed.
"I hate you." she says quietly. He feels a lump in his throat and clenches his teeth, fighting the urge to let tears spill out of his eyes.
"I hate you, too."