"I want to wrap you up, wanna kiss your lips. I... wanna make you feel wanted. I wanna call you mine, wanna hold your hand forever, and never let you forget it... Yeah, I... wanna make you feel wanted."
She smiles because his voice is smooth and sweet and she knows he is singing the song to her; for her because she has been "down in the dumps" (his words precisely) the past few weeks ever since she broke down in the middle of her Calculus class.
She is glad that the look he is giving her is an innocent one because he does not feel that way for her anymore, which is good because he deserves someone who can reciprocate his feelings and truly appreciate how amazing he is, and he is amazing because who else would sing a song to a girl that he used to like who never liked him back the same way to make her feel better because he still cares so much for her?
Not many, that she can say for sure.
Sam's smile is huge when the song ends and the room fills with applause. She stands on her feet, her applause the loudest of all because his performance deserves a standing ovation. Her standing causes everyone to stand and she mouths "thank you" to Sam because today, she feels truly happy and she owes it all to him.
"All right, all right, that's enough," Mr. Schue says, breaking through Rachel's thoughts. He orders everyone to quiet down and take their seats, which they do. "You're up, Quinn," he tells the blonde who is currently seated beside Rachel.
She and Quinn have been sitting together since she first joined the glee club her first week at McKinley. Over the past few weeks, she and Quinn have been inseparable, though most of their time is spent in Sam's basement because hanging out at Santana's is awkward (Santana likes to make inappropriate jokes whenever Rachel and Quinn are seen together which always succeeds in making both girls blush) and hanging out at Rachel's is okay, but Denise hardly ever leaves them be, so Sam's is pretty much their only option.
Quinn walks to the front of the room and nods at Brad and the rest of the band, and then she begins to sing.
"Everybody's waiting, everybody's watching. Even when you're sleeping, keep your ey-eyes open." The words hit her hard as they fall upon her ears and she feels like her heart is lodged in her throat. This is her first time hearing Quinn really sing. Her voice is soft and sweet and different; beautiful, like Quinn.
She can feel the words as Quinn sings them, her eyes never leaving the blonde as she stands in front of her and the rest of the glee kids, along with Mr. Schuester, singing her heart out.
"So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard," Quinn is looking at her and she cannot tear her gaze away even though she wants to because she can feel her eyes watering and she is fighting not to cry because she has cried way too often in the past few weeks, "Every lesson forms a new scar. They never thought you'd make it this far." She bets they did not think she would make it this far; the men, her mom... all the people who have ever hurt her and tried to tear her down.
"But turn around, oh they've surrounded you. It's a showdown and nobody comes to save you now, but you've got something they don't. Yeah, you've got something they don't. You've just gotta keep your eyes open..."
A tear leaks from her eye and she wipes it away forcefully, willing the others to stay inside with every ounce of strength she has inside of her.
When the other members of the club stand once the song ends, Rachel stays seated and she stares at Quinn. She can see a message in Quinn's eyes, one that is saying more than her mind is able to comprehend. When Quinn returns to her seat, Rachel looks at her and mouths, "I want to see you tonight, just you and me," and Quinn nods, her smile so beautiful and her hazel eyes sparkling.
Before Rachel can stop herself and before she can even think of what it is she is doing, she reaches over and delicately tucks a few loose strands of hair behind Quinn's ear.
Quinn looks almost shy and opens her mouth to speak, but all she manages to say is, "I-" because Santana interrupts her, saying, "You and KinderGrandma really need to fuck already. Seriously. Get it out of your system, Quinnie."
Rachel frowns at her unappealing nickname while Quinn tosses a glare at Santana over her shoulder. She does not know why Santana insists on referring to her as KinderGrandma when they get along fairly well (as well as she thinks is possible considering Santana's lack of filter and scary similarities to Noah Puckerman's personality), but her attempts to convince the Latina to not call her such an unappealing name have been futile and she has given up all hope on losing the nickname.
"Shut up, San," Quinn snaps while Rachel twiddles her thumb; a nervous habit. "I will force you to eat your mother's infamous lasagna tomorrow night instead of taking you to Breadstix if you make one more crude comment today. I am not joking."
Rachel is biting back her laughter because she is positive that if she laughs, Santana will serve her own head to her on a silver platter and personally, she would rather her head stay where it is currently situated.
"Whatever," Santana scoffs, turning in her chair to harass Sam after Mr. Schue announces he needs to take a bathroom break and leaves the room momentarily. "Listen, Trouty Mouth-" Rachel tunes Santana out because sometimes tuning Santana out is what is best for everyone.
Mr. Schue returns about five minutes later and announces that it is Rachel's turn to perform. She hesitates before standing and moving to the front of the room.
It had taken her many hours to choose a song and even longer to perfect her choice once she had chosen. She has been a perfectionist for as long as she can remember; she has been told by her dads that it probably has something to do with her awful home life growing up, but she is deciding not to dwell on their words because then she will be unable to get through her performance.
Noah (she calls him Noah and he hates it, but Noah is the good side of Noah Puckerman and surprisingly enough, that side actually exists, as Rachel discovered while working with him one-on-one) stands from his seat and moves to the front of the room after her. A few of the other members look confused by the action, but there is a reason for his joining her. She had approached him after school a couple of days ago and asked him to perform with her (she would have asked Sam or Finn, but even though Puck frightens her and makes her want to hide in a corner, his voice is better suited for this particular song) because her song is meant for two people and singing it as a solo would not put forth the emotion she is trying to convey.
Noah slings his guitar over his shoulder and stands across the room from Rachel, as they have practiced several times in their free time over the past two days.
"Lying here with you so close to me. It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe," she starts to sing, her gaze meeting Noah's only once before she focuses on her reason for choosing this song. Quinn. Quinn, the girl who had listened to her singing in the shower and had thought enough of her to take a chance on her and ask her to join glee club.
Quinn, the girl who always manages to be right around the corner when she feels herself going down that road that she has been promising herself for years to never go down again.
"Caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile," she continues. Noah sings his verse and then they both join in on the chorus, their voices meshing together surprisingly well (turns out that Noah is not so bad when he is not using cheesy pick-up lines and trying desperately to get in her pants).
"Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight. Just a touch of the fire burning so bright. No, I don't wanna mess this thing up... I don't wanna push too far. Just a shot in the dark that you just might be the one I've been waiting for my whole life, so baby I'm all right... with just a kiss goodnight."
Her focus is solely on Quinn for the entirety of their performance and when the song ends and there is no more singing, Quinn looks at her in a way that she knows is more than friendly.
She tells herself to keep the look in mind for later. Maybe she can take the song a lot more literally than she originally thought.
"Quinn, you can't leave. Sue will have you kicked to the bottom of the pyramid and while I would love to take your spot as Head Cheerio," Quinn rolls her eyes, "you are my best friend and I will kill you if you tell anyone this, I actually care about you, so-"
"San, shut up," Quinn interrupts Santana, falling into step in between her and Brittany. The girls are on the football field. Sue announced a Cheerios practice after glee had ended, but Quinn is refusing to stay because she has a scheduled date with Rachel and the last thing she wants to do is cancel. "I am Quinn Fucking Fabray and no way is Sue Sylvester taking my Head Cheerio spot away from me. I worked my ass off to get where I am right now and if she tries to ruin my life," okay, maybe it won't exactly ruin her life, but she is entitled to exaggerating once in a blue moon, "I will have no trouble doing the same to hers, and you know I can because I have so much dirt on her from back when I used to be one of her little spies."
"You're a spy? Like, Inspector Wizard with those cool little toys?" Brittany chimes in. Both girls look at her strangely.
"Inspector Gadget, B.," Santana corrects her lovingly. "Gadget, not Wizard." Brittany says nothing more on the subject, thankfully (Quinn loves Brittany and all, but sometimes her innocence, while endearing, can be extremely obnoxious). "Anywho, Q, do whatever you have to do to get some of Berry's sweet ass, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"One, I am not you, San, so this is not strictly for ass," Santana looks slightly offended, but Quinn does not care because when does Santana actually care about hurting someone's feelings? "And two, take your warning and choke on it because you're wrong and I'm right. I love you, S., but the bitchiness isn't always cute." With those last words, she walks away, intent on being on time for her date (she doesn't know if it is really a date, but she is going to call it that anyway) with Rachel.
"Yeah, love you, too, slut!" Santana calls after her, but she pays the Latina no mind and keeps on walking.
X
"You didn't have to leave Cheerios practice for me, Quinn. I know how important it is to you."
Quinn shrugs at Rachel's comment like it is no big deal (honestly, she would never choose Cheerios over Rachel because that would make her stupid) as she steps inside the brunette's house. She is instantly greeted by the sight of two men and a little girl standing in the living room with huge, welcoming smiles on their faces.
She has met them briefly in passing the few times she has been at Rachel's house, but honestly, the only name she remembers is Denise because Rachel's dads had been too busy blabbering about Broadway and business and the thousands of creative ways to make vegan dinners to introduce themselves properly. Also, she remembers Denise because any time she has come over to Rachel's, Denise has not left them alone for even a millisecond. Sure, she is cute and all, but she does not seem to know the meaning of privacy.
Either that, or she just doesn't care (that is probably the case because that is the case with most children).
Rachel looks half-apologetic and half-horrified at her family choosing tonight of all nights to say more than a few words to Quinn, but Quinn smiles at her, wanting her to know that she does not really mind. And she doesn't, not really, because she thinks it is great that Rachel has a family who cares about her so much that they are interested in her life and the people who come in and out of her life.
She wishes she could say the same for her parents, but they kicked her out the second she shattered their perfect image of her with the truth of her sexuality.
"Quinn, I'm Timothy, and this is my husband, David." She does not remember if Timothy is Rachel's Dad or Daddy, but she supposes it does not matter because she won't be referring to them by such names anyway. "And this here is our daughter Denise, but you probably remember her from all the other times you have been here. I apologize for our behavior the first few times you were here. We were just so excited to see our Rachel bring home a friend. Weren't we, honey?" he asks his husband.
"Now, let us not embarrass our daughter, sweetheart," David says (she knows now that David is Dad and that Timothy is Daddy because Rachel described her Dad as the more reserved and quiet one and her Daddy as the more embarrassing one). "I'm sure you girls want to be alone, so go ahead on upstairs. We will call you both down when dinner is ready."
Rachel does not hesitate in taking Quinn's hand and dragging her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Rachel shuts the door once they enter the room, but instead of sitting on the bed with Rachel, Quinn stands awkwardly against the inside of the closed door.
Quinn wants to smack herself for acting so shy, but Rachel makes her nervous and seeing the brunette sitting on her bed looking so sexy (it should be illegal for someone as sexy as Rachel to wear skirts that short) is not helping her feel any less nervous.
She wants to kiss Rachel; she has been wanting to kiss Rachel since Rachel performed with Puck earlier in glee club, and when Rachel looks up at her through her eyelashes and says, "You can sit if you want to, you know," Quinn realizes that leaving this room tonight without having kissed Rachel is not an option.
She does not care if she crosses a line because Santana is right, she has to take a chance because she is Quinn Fabray and she has always been a risk taker and she cannot stop now, not when it means being with someone as amazing as Rachel Berry.
She forces herself to relax and clears her mind of all negative thoughts of everything that could go wrong as she takes the few steps she needs to reach Rachel's bed and seats herself beside the girl.
"So, how much trouble are you going to be in for skipping practice this evening?" Rachel asks as she lays back. Quinn mimics her action, resting her head against the pillows as she feels her arm brush against Rachel's. The hairs on her arm shoot up at the contact, but she ignores the static electricity that has just passed between them and tries to focus on listening to Rachel.
"Not a lot, I don't think," Quinn answers honestly. She had not been lying to Santana earlier; she has plenty of juicy dirt on Sue Sylvester and if Sue tries to take away one of the most important activities in her life, she will not hesitate to take away the only thing that Sue has going for her in her depressing, pathetic, lonely life.
She does not care if that makes her sound like a heartless bitch; sure, Sue's opinion matters to her and it probably always will because even though Sue is a totally evil monster who preys on children and anyone who has what she considers a pipe dream, she has played a big part in Quinn's high school career. She will never forget that and she will forever be thankful, but there are some things she will not let Sue get away with and taking away her spot on the Cheerios is one of those things.
"Sue may be an evil bitch a lot of the time, but she has proven that there is a heart someone inside of her, so I don't want to have to ruin her career. I will, though, if she tries to take my Cheerios spot away from me. Being a Cheerio means too much to me."
She is embarrassed by how bratty and selfish she sounds, but Rachel does not seem to be offended or disappointed by her words, which is a relief.
"So much so that you would be willing to ruin someone's life over it, even if that someone may be a heartless monster?" She does not ask the question cruelly; she sounds curious.
"When you say it that way, you make me sound horrible," Quinn speaks teasingly; Rachel tries to say something, but Quinn cuts her off because she is only joking and she knows Rachel had not meant it the way that it sounded. "Look, Rach, it's like this - my freshman year of high school, I was hiding from everyone; my family, my friends, anyone who was important to me because I couldn't deal with being who I was... who I am.
"I joined the Cheerios because it gave me some sense of control because it had started to feel like I was losing control and I had been losing control because when you can't be who you are due to someone's close-minded belief system or how you feel about yourself, everyone else is in control.
"That, and I joined the Cheerios because I knew Santana wanted to join and she was a total shoe-in and I didn't want to be away from her because I had fallen in love with her not long after we started sneaking kisses behind trees and making out in our backyards when no one was around and the moon was shining bright."
She pauses, taking in the look on Rachel's face; she is looking at Quinn with doe eyes, eyes so sweet and innocent, but filled with a look of pain and secrets so dark, a look that seems to always be there.
"I can take my frustrations out when I am dancing. I was frustrated because I had to pretend to date Finn when he deserved better than to be my 'gay beard' and I was frustrated because I knew if my parents ever found out about me, they would want nothing to do with me. They would be ashamed... of me, of their own flesh and blood.
"I was frustrated when I caught Santana in bed with Puck at the end of my freshman year and not long after, I found out she had been screwing around with Britt the entire time we had secretly been together. Or at least, I had thought we were together, but I had been wrong.
"The Cheerios helped me to heal and that team, along with the glee club, is the reason I came out my junior year because I grew tired of hiding, and even though my parents kicked me out of my own home and I'm living with my best friend who I used to be in love with and I have to hear her having sex with the same girl she was cheating on me with a couple of years ago, I am happier than I have ever been.
"I get to be myself and not a lot of people have the luxury of saying that, not people like me or like you; people who are attracted to the same sex. We feel we have to hide because the world tells us that we are wrong, that we don't fit, but what they cannot accept and what they probably never will accept is that they are wrong."
She pauses, takes a deep breath. It is not like her to talk so quickly and so passionately, or even so much, but for the first time in ever, she feels like someone is honestly listening to what she has to say.
"So, you see, Rachel... even if it makes me sound like just as much of a monster as Sue, I will definitely tell all of her secrets if she tries to take away something that is so precious and important to me."
Rachel does not say anything, which worries Quinn, and she watches in confusion as the brunette moves so that she is leaning on her elbows and she watches as Rachel's face moves closer and closer to her own. Soft lips touch hers and she freezes, afraid that if she moves she will wake and this will all be a dream, but when the girl who is half on top of her and half beside her puts more pressure on her lips, she accepts that this is not a dream and allows herself to return the kiss.
The kiss only lasts a few seconds. Her mind is having a hard time wrapping around what just happened because Rachel pulls away like she has been burned.
"I... I'm sorry," Rachel stutters, looking anywhere but at Quinn.
Quinn gently touches her hand to Rachel's face and turns the girl's head so that she is looking directly at her. "Don't be. I know something is going on with you, Rach, and until you figure it out, I'll be here for you, whether you want me here as a friend or as more. I'm not going anywhere."
She regrets the words the second they leave her mouth (only partly because she does mean them, but the words are still hard to say because Rachel pulling away from their kiss had stung a little) because she wants more. She wants to take Rachel on a date; she wants to learn her inside and out.
She will. She swears that she will ask Rachel out... someday. Soon (maybe).
But, for now, the smile Rachel gives her in response to her words is enough; enough for today, anyway.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Phew. I managed to pull this one out of my ass (excuse my language). I want to thank everyone for their kind reviews and so far, so good on the inspiration, so it is looking like I may actually finish this story.
I know it is not like Quinn to rant, but even though I believe it should be obvious, the Rachel and Quinn in this story are hardly anything like the Rachel and Quinn on the show. Of course, there are a few aspects that remain the same, such as Quinn's Head Bitch in Charge attitude from the first season and Rachel's choice in clothing (hence the nickname KinderGrandma given to her by the still very bitchy Santana).
Again, thank you for all the kind reviews and I shall update ASAP.