Chapter Four: Three Things
It was morning and I closed the door to Mrs. Winter's room softly, hoping not to awaken the woman. Her brief stay at the hospital had worn her out and the doctors had advised that she should stay in bed for the next few days. I worried about her vaguely, there was nothing to worry about in reality. She was dying, it wasn't as if that outcome would change.
Selfishly I wondered where that left me, I'm not one to pity the dying after all. It's the living that deal with the problems of the world, not the dead. Once she was gone would I be able to stay here, or would Mr. Winters not prove to be a suitable guardian. More importantly would Mr. Winters still want me when his wife was gone? Maybe for a few months or so, until he found someone else to take care of him.
I was fond of them, but there were no illusions about the arrangement we shared.
"Ready," Mr. Winters asked as he stood looking tired in his jean jacket.
I nodded, although once again I was unsure if I really wanted to be at school. Edward was proving to be a complex mystery and part of me felt that he was the sort that was better to leave alone and unsolved.
We walked out the door, together breathing in the fresh morning air as the pinkish yellow light filtered through the trees. Once again the clouds were only a thin masking high in the sky and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.
Both Mr. Winters and myself were surprised by the silver Volvo parked in the driveway.
"Good morning Mr. Winters," Edward said hopping from his car. "I was hoping I could give Bella a ride to school."
Mr. Winters, always the eloquent type shrugged his shoulders before going back inside the house.
I stood awkwardly, "You didn't have to do that," I told him.
"It will be safer this way," he stated.
In what universe was his driving safe, I wondered. I glanced back at the house, but I knew Mr. Winters had probably already gone back to bed. He seemed as exhausted by his wife's hospital stay as she was. Not meeting Edward's eyes I moved to the passenger door, a little startled when he was swiftly by my side opening it for me.
I slid inside, and I didn't need Jasper to tell me I was confused.
"What are we doing?" I asked him.
"Going to school," he answered, his car's engine revving to life and we pulled out of the driveway before he'd fastened his seatbelt. My own safety device was firmly fastened and I tried to ignore the speedometer as we flew through town.
"I mean this," I said gesturing between us. "Are we friends?" The idea seemed laughable.
Edward turned to look at me, "I can't tell what you're thinking," he commented in an annoyed voice.
"I can't tell what you're thinking. Isn't this risking fate? Aren't you…you know, thirsty?"
Edward's face looked a little grim, "I'd have thought so, but then you seem to chance fate when you're walking home from school. Not to mention the death wish you seem to have."
"I don't have a death wish," I argued. "I'm quite fine with being alive at the moment."
"Yesterday you said that it didn't matter if you died," Edward pointed out with a dark sort of glower in his expression.
"Yeah, 'not mattering' and 'wanting to' are very distinct divisions," I muttered.
"You're confusing," he stated.
I couldn't help but feel annoyed myself, why did he keep spending time with me if half the time we proved to be nothing more to each other than an irritation.
"Is this some sort of way of making certain I won't tell your secret, you're going to follow me around?"
Edward frowned the barest trace of a growl seemed attached to it.
"I thought we decided to trust you."
"So did I, well excepting Jasper."
He glanced at me sideways, I frantically tried to guess what the normal reaction he was looking for would be. Anger? Fear? I think I came off looking confused which must have resulted in his own curious expression. Maybe he stuck with me because he saw me as a puzzle.
"So we're friends," I said, it seemed too bizarre a concept to reconcile with.
"I suppose." He seemed as uncomfortable with the term as I did. Our eyes met for a moment, and it was strange but I felt that even with this uncomfortable beginning, he was one of the few people in Forks who came close to understanding me. The kids at school seemed to only get the outside shell. Which had been all I'd wanted, all I thought I deserved.
"What are you thinking right now," Edward asked.
I looked away, it seemed too stupid to say, why did he even want to know?
"I was thinking that with how fast you drive we won't be late for school."
Edward must have noticed the lie, but he didn't seem to demand an explanation.
"Alice wondered if you'd sit with us at lunch today," he asked as we pulled into the parking lot.
"Why?" I asked, wondering if the psychic had foreseen something terrible if I sat with the other humans.
"She says you're going to be good friends. And I guess seeing the future sometimes makes it hard for her to distinguish between then and now. I remember when she and Jasper came to us, it was a little startling to have someone you'd just met acting like she's been your sister for years."
"So you're saying there is no escaping it."
Edward seemed faintly amused by my summation.
We got out of the car, I was quick enough this time that I managed my own door. Or maybe Edward had to contain himself better considering we were back amongst the humans.
"You may want to be careful," Edward said softly, so that only I could hear. "People seem to be noticing."
"Noticing?" I asked, looking around curiously.
Indeed, quite a few heads were turned in our directions as the pair of us moved through the parking lot and towards the school. Some students stopped in their tracks and opened their mouths in surprise.
"What exactly..." I trailed off wondering what teenage etiquette I'd missed now.
"They think we're dating," Edward provided, he seemed greatly amused by all this.
I pressed my lips together as I forced a smile from my own face. I suppose it would be quite the ruckus if one day trouble-maker Bella showed up at school with Forks High's most unattainable bachelor. Edward seemed to enjoy the attention, particularly when we walked past Jessica, Mike and others who had become my friends.
"I don't think Mike likes me anymore," he whispered and my eyes flashed to see Mike's angry face amongst the shock. "And Jessica is going to demand an explanation," he informed me.
"How do you know all this?" I asked him feeling slightly embarrassed that a vampire could read humans better than I could.
"Didn't I mention it," He said seriously, "I can read minds."
Shock didn't even begin to describe my feelings.
"See you at lunch," he whispered, running his hand lightly through my hair before vanishing into the crowd.
I blinked, read minds? But he hadn't touched Jessica or Mike? Mind talents were rare, I'd only met one other vampire who had the ability. His had relied off touch to function; Edward's seemed to work differently. Then, did he know about my past? Could he see the reason that I was different from the other students? I suddenly felt sick.
He couldn't know. It was impossible, otherwise he would have been well aware that I wasn't fooled by the charade he and the Cullens played. How many times had I cursed the stupid vampire in my mind. I could tell that he had been honestly shocked by my foreknowledge the other day. I glanced briefly at the marks on my wrist, the Delevi Ring had some effect on vampires, but not fully against their gifts.
"Hello Banafrit."
That greeting washed all thoughts of Edward Cullen from my mind. I stiffened and turned slowly to see the tired face of a man who looked to be somewhere in his early twenties. But his eyes looked older. His voice was like well worn stone, so familiar and engraved into my mind. He hadn't changed since Kelso, except maybe he'd grown taller and broader. His skin was a rich chocolate color and his black hair was cropped short. His clothes were old and somewhat worn, his sleeves were short despite the chill in the air and it looked as if he'd added to his tattoos since last I'd seen him. Body modification had always been his particular trait, no matter when and where we were.
"Nomti," I said calmly. His name means strength and I always thought it had been well chosen. He was always strong, like an oak tree. But unbendable too.
He bowed his head in a short nod, his dark eyes looking me over carefully. "You look well."
"As do you do," I answered.
He didn't say anything, but his old eyes stared out at me with some condemnation. I clenched my teeth and stood rigidly.
"Can we speak?" he asked.
I glanced back at Forks High School. It was with some unhappiness that I realized I'd be ditching class again.
"Not here," I ordered. Edward Cullen's confession was still fresh in my mind and I didn't want Nomti anywhere near my new mind-reading friend. "The woods are nice."
The Northern portion of Forks High was surrounded by thick woods, old pines grew tall and moss covered. The ground was bare, lacking much undergrowth as the large trees blocked much of the light from reaching ground level. Nomti followed me at a casual pace as we cut past the school buildings and hide ourselves away in the tress. I didn't know how far away from Edward this would have to be, but I walked until the school was completely out of sight and the air smelled fresher. Nomti followed silently, not seeming to expect an explanation for our journey.
I stopped at a large stump, settling myself onto it and turning to glance at my silent follower.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I've spoken to Marius," he said.
"So," I said. "Marius is six, he's not going to begin the crusade when most of his warriors are in grade school."
Nomti shrugged, "He thinks we should take the next step, join up with them."
"Out of the question," I stated, I shook my head and stared into Nomti's dark eyes. I knew that Marius would request such a thing, but he didn't control my life to the same degree as he did the others.
"He thinks it's the best way for all of us to meet back up," Nomti completed the message as if I hadn't said anything.
"I refuse," I stated.
"It's your right," he said with a shrug of his broad shoulders. He looked off into the trees, "You playing normal again?"
They thought it was a game, Marius always considered it my little personal madness, and who didn't have some form of it after all these years, but mine was considered an inconvenient one.
"I've got a jump on him and I'm taking it," I stated. I swung my feet to the ground and stood up, my gaze cutting through the trees a moment then turned back to the silent man before me.
I approached Nomti slowly, letting my hand rest gently on his arm. A tattoo of serpent was curled around his biceps, it was as permanent a mark as any of us had. "You understand right," I pressed my fingers into his flesh, allowing this small touch to convey what I meant.
He pulled away looking embarrassed. I considered us a family of sorts, but we weren't exactly the hugging type. Long ago we'd established roles to keep our focus and keep our sanity. Nomti was Marius's man, and I was Marius's— I had my role in the oldest love story after all.
"There are vampires here," he said slowly.
I lowered my head. Perhaps he'd seen me with Edward, maybe he'd only sensed their presence.
"I know," I said simply.
Nomti frowned, he didn't say a word of argument, but he frowned and made his opinion known.
"You might as well say it," I gave permission.
"Why do you want to betray him?" he asked. "Why are you fighting the way."
"The way, the path, the mission. How long have we walked it? How long must we walk it? Marius doomed us all to this foolish crusade. How is wanting a chance at life a betrayal? When he comes for me I shall follow, as I have done, but he does not— "
"You would consort with our enemy," his anger tasted bitter and his eyes narrowed as he struggled to hide the fury that threatened to overflow.
So, he had seen Edward.
His hands were balled into fists, his shoulders hunched. His body language threatened violence, but Nomti would never hurt me. He couldn't, he believed Marius's fable. Sometimes I wondered how much the others remembered, really remembered, or if our story was only legend to them now.
"The vampires here are different, they do not drink human blood."
"Lies," Nomti said, his face turning into disgust, as if the word had tasted foul to him. "They kill and maim, they slaughtered our brothers." He took a hard look at me his lips curling into a sneer, "You really have gone mad."
"Maybe," I allowed. "Aren't we all by now?"
His anger fizzled. "They'll kill you," he said with a certainty that made me flinch. "And then Marius will have what he wants."
I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, "Maybe, it's a good guess. Maybe it'll be okay."
"You know better than all of us what they do. They don't have hearts, souls." Nomti shook his head and stepped away from me. "And what if The Origin finds you?"
I rolled my eyes at Nomti's words. The Origin. They really had made it into some story, it wasn't life anymore. They'd become characters in some epic tale. They were the insane ones. But it wouldn't do any good to argue with them. I'd known that for a long time.
"Maybe he will," I relented, refusing to show any fear. "But I'll do as I please until I can't."
There was nothing more to say, we both tasted the finality of our choices.
"I'm going back to class," I said.
Nomti laughed, a deep dark chuckle of amusement and I could hear it ringing through the trees as I cut back through the woods to the school grounds. There was no point saying goodbye. Nomti and I would see each other again, there was a bond thicker than blood between us. There would never be any goodbyes among the twelve.
The bell was ringing, signaling the end of first period when I entered building four. I hadn't realized my little hike had taken so much time. And word must have traveled through school quickly that after arriving with Edward Cullen I'd seemingly disappeared. And whatever Edward's blind spot was concerning my mind, it seemed that the others at our school weren't quite as fortunate as he'd apparently learned very quickly of my absence.
He was leaving his class a little quicker than normal and seemed to be focused on other things until he stopped dead and stared at me with some sort of relief and anger.
He crossed the hallways and made a gesture as if he wanted to grab my arm but stopped himself suddenly.
"Where were you," he demanded, his tone was low but he sounded angry.
"I took a walk," I said quietly.
"A walk? Where?"
I found myself more than annoyed by his tone, "Just a walk into the woods. Your little statement took me a bit to absorb," I lied.
He opened his mouth, then seemed to change his mind. "You shouldn't go into the woods alone," he said softly. He raised his hand again and this time he ran his palm down my arm. Very gently almost as if he was afraid of hurting me.
"Does it bother you," he asked, moving closer so that I could smell that rich intoxicating scent that they released.
It took a moment for my brain to process his question, "No, I suppose not."
"Jasper and Alice didn't seem to— "
"Yeah, well Jasper and Alice weren't privy to my innermost thoughts," I argued.
"I can't...I can read every mind in this hallway," he paused and looked me in the eye, "except yours."
"Mine," We were caught in a stare again, and I broke away. "Why, is there something wrong with me?"
He chuckled and the noise turned a few heads. Edward Cullen laughing? It was practically unheard of. I noticed how much attention we were drawing again.
"I should get to class," I said pulling my backpack closer to my body.
"Yeah, don't forget lunch. I think Alice is really looking forward to it."
I nodded, doubly relieved that he couldn't read my mind now. He looked so innocent somehow. And a part of me wondered if this was all part of his plan, but I shook my head at the old paranoia. Nomti had reestablished what I knew to be true, I couldn't move on to a new life if I wasn't prepared to accept the evidence of change when I saw it. Because, as impossible as I knew it to be, Edward Cullen and his family...they were the closest things to real friends I might have here in Forks.
"Lunch sounds great," I said.
"What do you like to eat?" Edward asked almost as soon as I sat down, it had caused a small bit of disruption when I had nodded to Jessica before crossing to join the Cullens at the table which everyone considered 'theirs'.
It seemed that he hadn't given up the game of twenty questions he'd started the previous night.
"I like fruit," I said honestly.
"What is your favorite fruit," he wanted to know.
"Um, plums I suppose," I said thoughtfully.
The other Cullens around the table looked amused at Edward's thoughtful expression. He looked as if we were discussing life philosophy, not favorite foods. I took a bite of the salad I'd chosen for today's lunch and the others seemed to think that this was a good time to feign eating themselves.
"Does that get tiresome?" I asked them.
They exchanged a glance, "I suppose we've gotten used to it," Edward answered for the family.
"I've always wondered, doesn't blood get boring?" I actually wanted to know. No vampire had ever seemed to tire of it, but from my human standpoint it had always seemed rather dull.
Edward looked like he wanted to choke, he shared a glance with the others. Emmett grinned, his teeth a little too wide and Rosalie continued pretending that I didn't exist.
Alice laughed, "There are many different flavors," she answered lightly, "Every life is unique."
Edward looked embarrassed by this line of questioning.
"What is your favorite subject," he wanted to know, seeming to try and redirect the conversation.
"History, I suppose," it was by far my easiest class.
Jasper frowned slightly. For being so knowledgeable about emotions Jasper tended to keep his hidden. I wondered if they were covering the Civil War in his class. I'd already picked up on the slight Southern accent, based on his age, it wouldn't be impossible for that to have been something he could remember. I wondered if he found sitting in history class as difficult as I did.
Maybe the sense of companionship sparked an odd note because Jasper looked up, his amber eyes focusing on me before he quickly looked away. I slid my gaze to Edward to see the reason behind this. It seemed my dark protector wasn't quite ready to forget Jasper's threats on my life, whatever Jasper had been thinking had resulted in a sharp glare.
"So are the minds of the school wondering what I'm doing sitting here?" I asked him, drawing his fierce expression from his brother.
"No, not really," Edward evaded.
It took only a subtle glance around the cafeteria to see that was a lie.
"Great," I complained, "Quite the reputation I'm going to have."
"Well, if you didn't ditch class so often," Rosalie commented a little archly.
"Yeah," I said rubbing my forehead. But I didn't really care, it must have been apparent to everyone there.
"The first day," Edward said his voice filled with dawning understanding, "You left after you saw us, didn't you."
I chewed my salad thoughtfully, "I suppose you could say that," I admitted. "I had to get out of here."
"Why did you come back?" Edward wanted to know. The other Cullens exchanged glances as well, although whether they were wondering about me or Edward was anyone's guess.
"Hmm, well..." I trailed of weakly. My reasons for returning weren't actually kind. And I couldn't tell Edward that after seeing him I'd gone home and burned an archaic symbol into my arm. Somehow I didn't think that would go over well. Would put a damper on our friendship.
"I guess I just didn't have anywhere else to go," I decided. "I'd worked out a whole plan to walk to the highway and hitch a ride out of town...but there wasn't anywhere to go." I shrugged, I wondered if the Cullens could understand.
Edward was staring at me again. I wondered if not being able to read my mind had made me a fascination for him. People must seem so deadly dull if you know their innermost thoughts just by listening. Life without mystery, I don't envy him that.
The bell rang suddenly and I looked at my half finished salad unhappily. They might not need to eat, but I wasn't quite so lucky. I still felt hungry. Edward seemed to reach the same conclusion.
"Humans actually need to eat lunch during lunch," Alice reminded us all.
"Yeah, sorry about that," I stated.
Alice laughed, Emmett chuckled and even Jasper looked faintly amused. I supposed it had been some time since the Cullens had troubled themselves with human needs.
"Let's get to class," Edward said, he communicated something in a glance to Alice and the small girl laughed all the harder.
Biology seemed less the trial it had been now that so many of our secrets were out in the open. There was an odd camaraderie establishing itself, one that I couldn't understand. I wished I knew the reason behind this friendship, but it was almost at a deeper level than mere personal similarities. It had been so long since I had allowed myself a friend...over analyzing it would kill this sudden good will so I decided to let myself go. Why did it matter the reason for this strange electricity between me and Edward Cullen.
I wasn't, however, looking forward to gym.
"Okay, you have to dish," Jessica said, pulling me aside in the locker room. More than a few other girls seemed similarly interested in our conversation.
"About what," I asked, hoping to stall for time.
"Geh! You and Edward Cullen obviously, are you two, like, dating now?" She flung open her gym locker and gave me a curious expression.
"Eh, no, we're not dating," I answered the first part easily enough.
"Why ever not?" Jessica demanded, "You're like the first girl he even seemed to notice was alive. And he's drop dead!"
Dead being the case in point, I thought sarcastically. "No, it's not like that...he's just nicer than I thought is all."
"Nice? Edward Cullen has never been nice." Jessica shared a look with another girl one locker over.
"So do you like him?" Angela, one of the nicer people I knew, drifted over her expression sort of soft and romantic.
I bit back the immediate reaction to say no. Because…"I don't know," I allowed, admitting the honest confusion I felt concerning Edward.
"Well, does he make your heart beat fast?" Angela asked.
Check, but that had to be panic and fear, I thought.
"And you must find him cute, he's adorable!" Jessica added her thoughts.
There was something about that odd tilted head, innocent gesture that was endearing.
"And does he make you feel special, like the little time with him is better than your whole day."
Well, saving a girl's life can have the effect of making you feel special. And I appreciated the not killing me thing too. Perhaps more than Edward could understand. And there was something in the way he protected me, the way he watched me. Marius took my allegiance without thought, always had, he had never considered my feelings on anything. No one had.
"Sssh, Angela I'd think you were in love with someone, you know with mucho sappiness," Jessica commented turning to Angela who immediately blushed.
"Oh my god, you are!" Jessica exclaimed, "Who? It isn't Mike is it?"
Angela muttered something and quickly walked back to her locker. Jessica chased after her demanding to know what she had said. It left me alone to muddle over Angela and Jessica's advice and try to figure out exactly what this could all mean. Because I did feel all those things for Edward. And that odd spark that ran between us, like a live wire. And I could remember every time he'd ever touched me.
But it couldn't be love. Love wasn't real. I didn't even want it to be love, because love was just about as destructive an emotion as I'd ever known. I didn't want to love Edward Cullen, I didn't want him to love me.
Gym was even more a disaster than usual, combining my general lack of coordination with a mind on other matters, not to mention Mike's general unhappiness, we seemed destined to be the losing team for doubles volleyball before the game had even started. I apologized constantly to Mike, and he was too much of a good guy to be mad at me. Still, I think both of us were glad when class was over. I got changed in a hurry, hoping to avoid anymore conversations with Angela and Jessica.
I burst out of the Gymnasium, escaping before anyone else due to my hurry and almost ran into Edward who was standing with his arms folded, waiting for me just outside the door.
"Hello," he said, putting out his palms to steady me.
"Hi, so, how was your class?" It was a pointless question, he didn't need class anymore than I did. I suddenly felt very embarrassed around him considering my conversation before gym. I took concentrated effort to look at him and I somehow felt that I was blushing.
"What are you doing after school," Edward asked.
"More twenty questions?" I asked him.
"Do you mind," he wanted to know, his voice filled with that strange concern.
"No," I paused, "But I have to get home and see how Mrs. Winters is, make dinner, you know the usual."
Edward nodded, "Could I show you something first, it won't take long."
"Okay," I said hesitantly.
It didn't take long until we were back in the parking lot, which, as usual, was perhaps one of the most crowded and dangerous places in Forks. Young drivers did their best to escape after a day at school. Of course the danger seemed significantly less considering Edward walked closely by my side. It wasn't until I buckled into his Volvo that I began to wonder how the other members of his family were planning on getting home.
"What about the others?" I asked.
Edward gestured to the left where a crowd of young men had gathered. "Rosalie drove as well, ostentatious isn't it."
I could barely see the red car among the throng of admirers but just nodded. "What is it with vampires and flashy cars?" I muttered.
Edward laughed, sliding into the drivers seat and leaning closer to me, "I guess we just like to go fast," he whispered.
I had to bite back a chill, the sweet scent of his breath enveloped me and my mind turned fuzzy for a moment. I hastily rolled down the window to try and gain some focus.
Edward's driving was as skillful as it was fast, and it seemed to take us only minutes to leave the crowded lot and then cruise unhampered through the town, the speed accelerating as we got out onto the open roads. I closed my eyes and bit my lip.
"You okay?" Edward asked.
"Yeah," I struggled to say.
I flickered my eyes toward Edward to try and see his expression.
He was watching me closely, in that same analytical way that I'd gotten used to. Then he noticeably slowed to a nice 80 mph and I released a sigh.
"Thanks," I said, "You could probably walk away from a car accident, it's a little harder for me."
"I hate going slow," was all he said, but he kept his speed low.
The car turned off onto a dirt road and finally stopped at what seemed the base of a mountain. I got out of the car and looked around curiously. A part of my old reactions told me that it was a very bad idea to wander off alone in the woods with a hungry vampire. But Edward had been given many opportunities to hurt me, and the old fear was easy to dismiss.
Edward held out his hand to me "It will be faster," he said.
I took his cold hand and just like the other evening he swung me onto his back and then just as suddenly we were dashing through the tress. His speed in the woods was incredible and I found myself becoming lost in the blurry green world I'd found myself in. It's like flying, I thought as the wind whipped through my hair sending the brown strands into a mess.
A sudden chill hit me when I remembered running through a forest like this, my feet bleeding, my legs and arms sliced by the brush whipping me. And his easy footsteps close behind, coming after me.
I pressed myself against Edward's back, hiding from the memory.
We came to a halt just as suddenly and I found myself almost plastered to Edward's back, my arms had wrapped around his neck. He slowly untwined me from him and it was odd but his cold hand felt good in my own. He seemed as hesitant as I was to let go and ran his fingers over my hand with the softness of a butterfly's wing.
I finally looked around and my lips opened, it was beautiful. Somewhere, on this mountain surrounded by a sea of trees, a perfect circular meadow grew. The early spring blossoms, crocuses and some white flowers I couldn't remember the name to, were blooming and it seemed like a kind of heaven.
"It's beautiful," I said. It was a poor attempt at describing such a place. Vampires were as doomed to this world as I was, I wondered if it was heaven to Edward as well.
"I found it the first year we moved here…for the first time." he explained. Weak streaks of sunlight broke through easier here, higher up in the mountains, and his face took on a haloed look as the brief sparkles of his skin caught the pieces of light. He seemed aware of it in an embarrassed way and ducked his head.
I slowly approached him until I was standing right next to him. I'd seen this before, and always been slightly mystified by it. Slowly I raised my hand, Edward was taller than me by half a foot, but my finger gently rested on the curve of his cheek, just as he had done to me. Edward stood very still, and I ran my hand down his skin as the light played havoc with his features, glowing light bouncing on my skin. It was so smooth. The light made his features looked pebbled, like a diamond shield. But the texture was deceptive, hard as marble and cold, but smooth and almost without texture.
He was looking at me directly now, his eyes examining my expression. What was he looking for I wondered? Horror? Disgust? Had he wondered how long it would take for me to realize what a monster he was. As if I didn't know. As if I hadn't seen hands as cold and pale as his breaking flesh and bone.
Very slowly, he mirrored my actions and raised a hand to caress the side of my face.
I had to remind myself to breathe, as my heart hammered in my chest.
We stayed like that for a long time, eventually settling into the thick grass, our wide eyes exploring the other, almost like we were scared children.
"Why aren't you afraid of me," he asked, his voice disrupting the stillness.
"I don't know," I answered. It was a mystery to me as well.
"You've seen vampires kill; you know what we're capable of."
I looked away, I knew more than he could imagine. "You're different," I said, not knowing why but believing it to be true.
"How do you know so much about us," he asked. I could tell it had been something that had been bothering him. And Edward wasn't stupid. One attack, when I was just a child years ago, wouldn't have provided me with the information I had.
"I...I've never told anyone this, I'm not certain how to explain it," I said softly. I knew that I should lie, but somehow lying to Edward, here in this place, it seemed cruel, and impossible as well.
He reached a hand out a slid it through my hair, letting his fingers tangle in the brown curls at the end.
"I was born in 1901," he said softly. "In Chicago, when I got old enough all I wanted to do was fight in the World War, maybe I would have, if I hadn't gotten sick before I turned 18."
It was hard to imagine Edward human.
"Carlisle was a doctor there, he nursed my mother and she made him promise he'd do all he could to save me."
I nodded, smiling gently, "He saved you then," I said softly.
Edward nodded, "I've done bad things," He said looking me in the eye, "I've killed people Bella. I haven't always been as I am now."
Somehow I knew that.
"I broke away from Carlisle, convinced I knew better. With my ability I could only target those who deserved death. It was a weak excuse for bloodlust."
I traced the lines in his palm as he spoke.
"One night I was looking for my prey, the slums of New York were filled with murderers and rapists, I never ran low. There was a man who was attacking a young girl, I stopped him and killed him."
He expected revulsion, but I had none for him. "I turned to the girl to see if she was alright...and I saw what I had become in her frightened eyes: A Monster."
"So you went back to Carlisle." It was a statement and not a question.
He'd bared his sins before me, filled with self-loathing. I met those amber eyes that I'd grown strangely fond of and licked my lips nervously.
"My family and I we're different." Those words sounded familiar, until I remembered they had been his.
I felt a chill with this beginning. I had never told a living soul before, none of us had. How should I explain it? Tell him the story, the legend, it seemed too much for anyone to understand.
"I think I can keep up," Edward said.
I looked at him startled, could he read my mind after all?
"When you're worried you get a little wrinkle between your eyes, right there." He traced the spot with his thumb.
"We're different," I repeated. "There are twelve of us, and we don't— We don't die." I'd said it, and it became easier somehow.
Edward looked confused, whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been that.
"I mean, we die," I corrected, "I'm human, but our souls, our spirits, they don't die, we're just born again into another body, remembering everything from the past. So I'm seventeen, but it's as if I'm also older. An old soul." I looked at him, waiting wondering what he would say.
Would he think me insane? Being a vampire that was a little judgmental, but a part of me still feared his disbelief more than anything.
"How is this possible?"
His trust left me staggered and I took a breath.
"My- Marius, our leader of sorts, he had a gift too. From a talented family I suppose," I said sarcastically.
I closed my eyes and said the story I needed to tell, written plainly.
"On his wedding day, a vampire came as an unwelcome guest. He destroyed everything." Perhaps the grisly scene of that day was reflected in my eyes because Edward remained silent.
"Marius swore an oath as he lay dying, that he and his would never rest until they had destroyed the vampire and all like him." The silence was heavy for a moment as I repeated Marius's oath, the words still brought a shiver to me, they contained a power.
"And so here I am, born again, never resting. Marius, doomed us, there is no ending the curse he made."
"They hunt vampires," he asked.
I wondered how this would go over, "Something like that, it's Marius's mission."
"I've never heard of..." Edward trailed off.
"You don't have to worry," I said, laying back and looking at the sky. "He's not very good at it. Our lives are more easily dispatched than yours. Although he's probably better than any human in the world."
"The Volturi allow this," Edward said aloud, although I don't think he was speaking to me, his mind seemed to be processing it.
That was even more complicated, "They like to pretend that Marius doesn't exist. Aro said that only the weakest vampires, those not worthy of existing, would be killed by a human so..."
"You know the Volturi?" He said sounding shocked.
"I've been around a long time," I said forcing a smile, "I've known a lot of people."
"So, you're a vampire hunter?" he said, his tone surprised.
"Not me," I said with a slight chuckle, "Can you imagine that? I lack the coordination."
Edward looked at me for a long time, and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he realizing how impossible our friendship was? Maybe he was starting to see that between the pair of us, I was more of the freak than he.
But Edward was smiling, his expression so honest and almost relieved.
"What are you thinking?" I asked, quoting the line he usually asked me.
"I'm thinking I don't feel so bad about..." he trailed off seeming uncomfortable to voice his words aloud. But I knew his hunger regarding me rested on his mind.
"As humans go, there are more fragile ones than you." He laughed and ran his hand through my hair again. He seemed to love this motion and his palms slid slowly through my hair as if he could feel every strand.
"It's okay," I said, "I've been killed by vampires before."
The confession was meant lightheartedly, but Edward's good mood seemed to die.
"I'll never hurt you that way," he promised suddenly. His amber eyes locking onto mine, but then a brief shadow of doubt slid across his face and I knew he was wondering if he'd be able to keep that promise.
"I know you won't," I said, although like him I wondered if it was a promise he could keep. Still somehow the action of saying it made it seem more real.
He paused, looking hesitant, "I better get you home, I promised I wouldn't have you out late."
I glanced at the watch he wore and sat up, "I've got to make dinner for Mr. Winters," I said.
It didn't take us long to get to the Winter's home. Considering Edward's speed, both physical and mechanical, we were pulling into the driveway before five o'clock. We stood hesitantly, I should go in, he should go home, but it seemed odd to have him be somewhere else. It felt like he should be by my side, which was an oddly possessive feeling. Perhaps retelling an ounce of my hideous history had been more of a relief than I had thought.
"Would you like to come in?" I asked.
He nodded and quickly moved to open the door for me.
Inside the house was quiet and dark, I guessed that Mr. Winters had reclaimed his outpost in the shed. First I checked on Mrs. Winters, the concern on my face must have lead Edward to follow me.
I listened for a moment to sound of her breathing. She was on morphine almost constantly now, and while it seemed to stop the pain and helped her breathing, it also left her tired much of the time. The glass of water that I had filled this morning was still half full by her bedside. Still, I poured a little more from the pitcher and listened to her quiet breathing for another minute before slowly exiting and closing the door.
"Lung cancer?" Edward asked with a hushed voice.
I nodded, going down the hallway to my room. I opened the door and stopped short, I'd only meant to set my backpack in the room but certain changes had sparked my notice.
"What?" I said looking blankly at my desk.
Settled very neatly, almost as if it had always been there, was CD player with speakers, a collection of discs filling up the rest of the space.
"I told her not to do this," Edward said, he looked at the collection with only feigned annoyance. In fact he seemed quite pleased.
"What, did you do this?" I asked.
"Alice," Edward said. "I might have mentioned that you didn't have a lot. I'd check the closet too."
I frowned and moved to the closet, swinging it open, I had to bite back the unwelcome surprise. Considering my wardrobe precious few things had merited being hung up. The jeans and shirts I'd brought with me were mostly all snuggled into the small dresser. Now, however, my closet seemed packed with a collection of new clothes, all hung up and looking far too nice.
I turned back to Edward who seemed to be hiding a smile.
"I can't take this," I told him seriously.
"You can try to talk Alice out of it, but she can be pretty impossible."
"I can't accept these," I repeated, I inspected the clothes and felt even less pleased when I noted the brands and knew how much money must have been spent on these.
"What's the matter," Edward asked noting my frown.
"I can't pay her back for these, I don't have money too..." I trailed off weakly.
Edward shrugged my words aside, "You don't have to, she wanted to do this. She wasn't expecting anything in exchange."
My frown stayed.
"This really bothers you doesn't it," Edward said, taking my expression seriously.
"Yes," I said, trying to think of a way to explain it to him. "I like being useful," I finally said, "But I can't help her back or anything."
"Trust me," Edward said, taking my hand and running his thumb across my palm. "Alice enjoyed doing this. The hours can get a little boring for us, you'd really make her happy by accepting. And you can wear one of the outfits she bought for you, that would make her day."
I still didn't feel right about it, but I dropped my bag and headed for the kitchen.
Edward settled himself at the kitchen table while I fiddled through the cupboards trying to decide what to make for Mr. Winters and myself. It didn't seem as Mrs. Winters would be joining us tonight and I felt the same slight concern when I thought of her.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked. It seemed to be his favorite question, and I guessed that he asked it whenever my expression flickered to something that he couldn't read.
"Mrs. Winters," I said softly, I looked around for a moment to make certain Mr. Winters wasn't within earshot, "I don't think she's going to be around much longer."
Edward nodded, "Carlisle said she's stable for now."
But both of us knew that her condition wasn't good.
"Does that make you sad?" he asked.
"In a way," I said, "But not really. That sounds terrible doesn't it?"
Edward rested his head on his hands in a human gesture. "Not really, you haven't known her for long."
"That isn't why I'm not sad," I said, "They've been good to me. It's just...natural. I've seen a lot of people die. The time comes, the body gets weak, but that's the way it is supposed to go. Get to see whatever is next."
"You believe that," Edward asked.
"I do." I paused for a moment and drew a breath, before shaking my head, "I've lived in so many bodies, I know that there is more to us humans than the shells we inhabit. That part doesn't die, it has to go somewhere. I don't know about heaven or hell, but-something is after this."
I turned back to my cooking, back to reality, I'd chosen to make something lean tonight, chicken and rice, with a salad.
"I guess I'll never get to see what that is though," I said with a slight shrug.
And then Edward was behind me, the chill from him soaked into my back. His arms encircled me, but he kept a small distance between us. Once again, I sensed his fear of hurting me. I leaned back ever so slightly, and felt oddly comforted by the gesture. He felt so solid, as if the roof could fall down around us and he'd still be standing here.
"What are we doing?" It was the same question I had asked this morning. And this morning I'd reached the startling conclusion that we were friends. Somehow that definition seemed lacking.
"Why did it take me so long to find you," Edward said, he took a breath and seemed to breathe me into him. It was strange this sort of wanting, needing.
I felt his arms tighten around me slowly.
This wasn't possible. "I don't believe in- this doesn't happen," I said, trying to gain some composure.
I turned in his arms so that I could see his face clearly. I don't believe in love I reminded myself. Hadn't I lived my incredibly long life and never found it? How could it be here, in the form of a vampire, how could my heart beat erratically and my nerves thrill at his touch. This was what they had been talking about, this was why they endured the pain and the cost because of this moment, where I knew we were feeling the same thing.
"I've waited so long," he repeated, moving his hand to stroke my cheek once again.
I struggled to breathe, "I've waited longer."
About three things I was certain.
Firstly, I was in love with Edward Cullen, irrationally and unavoidably.
I also knew, that a love like this was going to bring tragedy down upon my head with all its painful swiftness.
But—and of this I was positive— I couldn't care less.