Tan skin.
Brown eyes, like a doe; doe eyes.
Shiny brown hair. Soft; she can run her fingers right through the shiny tresses.
A smile pulls at her lips as she watches her girlfriend dancing around the bus with her friends, the kids of New Directions. Kids who are happy and vibrant and that, for today, do not have a care in the world other than one, and that is to win Sectionals.
She wants to join in on the singing, but she is exhausted. She had not received much sleep the night before. On account of two things. One being that she, Santana, Brittany, and her girlfriend (she likes the word girlfriend and she has not stopped saying it for the past two weeks since she and Rachel made their relationship official at Santana's party) had stayed up most of the night talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company.
It had been fun, spending time with Santana, Brittany, and Rachel. She hasn't seen much of San and Britt together in a while, but just as she and Rachel have been inseparable, so have Santana and Brittany because Santana finally came out so that she could be with Britt.
The other reason she is so tired is because the rest of the night, after the four girls had said goodnight and Santana had disappeared into her room with Brittany, Quinn and Rachel had made out for hours and then fallen asleep, but their sleep had not lasted long because Rachel had woken up screaming which had scared the living daylights out of the blonde. The rest of the night had been spent holding onto Rachel and whispering that everything would be okay even though she has no idea if that is true because she does not even know what is wrong.
She takes a moment to study her girlfriend more closely as the brunette continues to dance. She takes in Rachel's doe eyes, the way that the smile on her face does not reach them quite the way that it should, and then her eyes move to Rachel's mouth, the way her smile is big and bright, but still seems slightly forced. Her brightness is like a candle that is only half-lit or like a light bulb that keeps flickering on and off, teetering on the edge of dying.
The sight saddens Quinn. She wishes she could help. She wants to help, but helping is impossible without knowing what, exactly, is troubling Rachel, and Rachel can deny it all she wants but Quinn knows that something is troubling her. And it is not something minuscule. It is something serious; frighteningly so, she fears.
"Come on, Quinn!" The chorus of voices sing-songing her name and urging her to join in drags her from her thoughts. She does not want to join in because, again, she's exhausted, but one look into her girlfriend's eyes and she gives in, standing and singing, "I don't ever want to let you down, I don't ever want to leave this town, 'cause after all, the city never sleeps at night."
And that is how the long trip to Sectionals in Cincinnati, Ohio is spent, with singing, dancing, and eventually, snoring.
"There are so many people!" Rachel exclaims, slipping her hand into her girlfriend's as they enter the building they will be performing in for Sectionals.
Her heart is racing and her palms are sweaty and she is excited, which is fantastic because she had feared that after last night's episode, she would be a wreck.
But she isn't, which is good.
"You nervous?" Quinn asks, looking at her after roaming the room with her eyes. The others are chatting animatedly in their own little groups off in the center of the room while Mr. Schue and Ms. Pilsbury sign them in, but Quinn and Rachel are standing away from them, stuck in their own little bubble as has been the story since two weeks ago when they became "Faberry" (so dubbed by Jacob Ben Israel in his ridiculous blog).
"A little," she admits and it is the truth, but she isn't ashamed because this is her first competition and she thinks she has every right to be nervous. "Are you?"
Quinn laughs, as if she finds the idea of her being nervous absolutely absurd. Maybe it is. Rachel has noticed that hardly anything bothers Quinn; she's confident and that's a good thing. Rachel envies her for that and adores her for it just the same.
She cares a lot more for Quinn than she ever thought to be possible in such a short amount of time. She finds herself not wanting to be without Quinn, ever. She needs her. She doesn't like that, but it's the truth regardless and she's starting to find that she doesn't mind.
"Not really," she says with a shrug. "I know you're going to kill your solo," Rachel feels her face growing hot at the compliment, but tries to hide her blush even though she knows the effort is most likely a wasted one, "and you and Puck sound great together. Totally jealous, by the way, but I'll behave because we so need to win this and petty jealousy is just not important right now."
Rachel can't tell if Quinn is being serious or if she is joking, but she laughs just in case it is the latter. "Also, our group performance is bad ass. We have this in the bag. The Warblers are going to choke on their own words when we are through with them."
She laughs and pulls her girlfriend in for a quick kiss, which results in wolf-whistles and cat-calls. Of course, the second she kisses Quinn is the second everyone decides to start paying attention to them.
She rolls her eyes. "Shut up," Quinn fires at them before giving Rachel a smile and gently caressing Rachel's face with a brush of her fingers. "You're going to be fantastic," are the last words she gets in before Mr. Schue yells, "All right, let's gather up the troops and get to the green room! We have lots of pep talk before our performance."
There are a few groans of protest and a few laughs before Rachel, Quinn, and the others follow Mr. Schue and Ms. Pilsbury to the green room.
And yeah, Rachel thinks, she is totally nervous, but with Quinn by her side and her friends, she feels like she can do almost anything.
X
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"Breathe out, superstar!" Kurt yells, grabbing Rachel by the hands. She has started to hyperventilate; as it turns out, attempting to calm herself mentally is not as easy as she thought it would be.
Her gaze falls on the closed curtain momentarily before she looks at Kurt, forcing a smile onto her face. She and Kurt have actually formed an okay friendship over the past two weeks; granted, they still butt heads when Mr. Schuester chooses her for a solo or when she tries to give her two cents on an impromptu performance, but they are considerably closer than they were when she first joined the club.
She has found that they have lots in common, from their love of Vogue to their love of Broadway to their overt obsession with Barbra Streisand.
"I'm nervous, Kurt," she says hurriedly, her breathing not as heavy as before, thankfully, but still pretty uneven. "I have been informed by several of the other glee clubbers that my nerves are completely normal for a first competition performance, but I am afraid that my nerves are far from normal and that they are escalating out of control to the point where I cannot even think clearly and-"
"Rachel," Kurt cuts in, his voice firm, so firm that she snaps out of her insanity long enough to calm herself down to a normal level of nervous. "As much as it pains me to say this, and it does, it really does, you are going to do fantastic out there and we are going to win because of you. Your talent is impeccable and admittedly, it is why I have loathed you from the very day you auditioned for the club, but it is now one of the many reasons why I adore you. So, I want you to take a breather, calm yourself down, and go out there and kick some booty."
Rachel laughs, finally feeling confident that she can do this. "Thanks, Kurt," she says with a smile, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek and causing him to wrinkle his nose. She laughs again before hearing Mr. Schue call her name, signaling that it is her turn to go out there and shine.
Her eyes meet her girlfriend's from across the room and the blonde smiles a smile so heartwarming and sincere and beautiful that it reinforces Rachel's thought that she can do this.
Music begins to play as the curtain starts to slowly rise. "On my own, pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him 'till morning," she sings, pouring any and all real emotion she can muster up into the song.
She loves Les Miserables, she has since she was a little girl. She moves around the stage as she sings, giving the song her all, everything she has, while thinking of a time when she was little, a time during the bad where things almost seemed good. And things had been good, for a while, but she had learned the hard way that all good things come to an end.
Sometimes the really good times are bad times in disguise and no one will know until it is too late.
"I love him, but when the night is over," she continues to sing, focusing on the words and the faces of the audience watching her, cheering her on.
Soon, the song finishes and she is smiling a huge smile and the audience is on their feet, booming applause filling the room as they stand.
"Ladies and Gentleman," she starts as the applause begins to die down, "New Directions!" she yells, gesturing behind her to the closed curtain. The curtain rises as another song begins to play.
The night continues with her and the rest of New Directions performing their group performance of It's Time by Imagine Dragons and their set list comes to a close with Rachel and Noah performing a duet of Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men.
"That was awesome, you guys!" Mr. Schuester exclaims as the curtain closes and they all gather together backstage. "You did great and remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose. You will still leave here winners knowing you gave it everything you had."
"But we're totally going to win anyway!" Rachel hears Mike yell and she laughs as she gently grabs Quinn's hands, joining her where she is standing off to the side with Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, and Kurt.
"You killed it, Rae," Mercedes quips, giving her a soft smack on the back. She grins.
"'Cedes is right, Rach. You fucking blew away the judges out there," Santana tells her with a bright smile. The gesture surprises her, actually, because she's only ever seen Santana smile that brightly at Brittany.
"Yeah, what San said," Brittany agrees, her smile sweet and innocent like always.
"All right, all right, give my girl some breathing room," Quinn starts in on them when Kurt opens his mouth so as to speak. He frowns, but doesn't argue with her. None of them do. Rachel thinks it is probably because they know better. Sometimes she forgets that her girlfriend is the so-called Head Bitch in Charge at McKinley High.
"Your girl?" she teases with a raised eyebrow after everyone disperses. Quinn pouts, which makes her think once again that her girlfriend is definitely adorable.
"Yes, my girl," Quinn growls (yes, growls, and Rachel finds it extremely sexy), grabbing Rachel by the waist and pulling her closer.
"What do you say we celebrate later tonight?" Quinn suggests and Rachel has a feeling that she doesn't mean an innocent type of celebrating. Not that she minds. Innocent is boring, anyway. "Just you and me? Regardless of whether we win or lose? We could always still make ourselves feel like winners."
Rachel bites her lip seductively before smirking. Her only response is to kiss Quinn flat on the lips. "I'll take that as a yes," Quinn says breathlessly after Rachel pulls away from the kiss.
Mr. Schue clapping his hands together loudly causes both girls to jump apart and the room fills with laughter at their silly actions before Mr. Schue forces them to calm down by saying, "It's time to get back on that stage. Reveal time!"
Quinn grabs Rachel's hand and they both follow Mr. Schue, Ms. Pilsbury, and the other members of New Directions onto the stage.
Rachel doesn't have a clue who is going to win. The other high school glee clubs were amazing, but she knows that no matter what, win or lose, she is part of something for once in her life and she wouldn't change her decision to join Mr. Schue's club for all the riches in the universe.
Her girlfriend is smiling, really smiling, and Quinn thinks she has never seen a more beautiful sight in her entire life. It has been hours since New Directions performed in Cincinnati and the group, along with their chaperones, is now at Breadstix enjoying a celebratory dinner.
Yes, celebratory, because they won first place and there is a tall, fat trophy at the foot of their joint tables to prove it.
Considering how many people there are in New Directions, plus the chaperons, they were forced to pull their tables together and make one, long table. Something the waiter obviously does not appreciate, but it isn't like any of them give two flying fucks about the waiter and his feelings.
Quinn is seated in the center of the joint tables with Rachel seated beside her (obviously) and Santana and Brittany seated on the opposite side. Quinn is fighting not to giggle at Brittany and Santana playing footsies under the table, but it is really hard to ignore when their feet keep accidentally touching hers and Rachel's, which prompts Rachel and Quinn to start playing footsies.
Only, everyone's feet keep touching the wrong person's feet.
"Quit playing footsies with my girlfriend, San," Quinn snaps playfully at Santana. She hears Rachel emit a soft giggle at her words.
Santana does not look amused, but Quinn can see through her tough expression; she is totally amused. "Only if you quit fucking playing footsies with mine, Quinnie," Santana snaps back just as playfully, and she sounds kind of angry, but the twitch of her lips gives her away.
"Lord Tubbington says that jealously is an ugly green monster... like The Hulk so please don't turn into The Hulk, S, because I love you but I don't like green," Brittany says seriously and everyone bursts out laughing. Even Santana is fighting back a laugh, but she just shoots everyone a glare and cups Brittany's face in her hands, that look in her eyes so familiar to Quinn.
It is the same look Quinn used to give Santana and vice versa, but now, for the both of them, those looks are reserved for other people. For their girlfriends.
Quinn finds that the thought does not sadden her. Who they are with now, she truly believes is who they were always meant to be with.
"I'm not going to turn into the ugly green monster, B. All right? I love you," she says sweetly. She grins wryly at the thought of Santana and the word "sweet" in the same sentence because they don't necessarily mix well together, but when it pertains to Brittany, Santana and "sweet" actually make some sense together.
The Latina and the ditzy blonde (she thinks this with all the love in her heart, but it is true, Brittany takes ditzy blonde to a whole new level) share a sweet kiss and Quinn fakes sticking her finger completely down her throat, making gagging noises as she does so.
Santana tosses her a glare and Quinn simply grins in response before kissing her own girlfriend.
"What was that for?" Rachel asks innocently. Quinn does not respond immediately; she studies her girlfriend, as she did earlier. What she sees is a smile that is real and bright, eyes that are a deep, beautiful brown and sparkling with a happiness that is nearly contagious, and all she can think is that she has no clue how she got so lucky or what she did to deserve such a wonderful, beautiful human being for a girlfriend.
She shrugs her shoulders, answering her girlfriend's question with, "I felt like it. Plus, you look beautiful."
Rachel ducks her head, as if trying to hide her blush, but her attempt is a failed one because Quinn can see the pink tinge on her girlfriend's cheeks and the sight causes her blooming smile to grow. "I-" she starts, but she gets cut off by Mr. Schue saying, "Okay, guys, it's time to go home. You did a fantastic job tonight and I will see you all next week for rehearsals. We have a lot of work to do if we want to kick ass at Regionals."
Everyone hoots and hollers at his words, but Quinn and Rachel remain quiet, just looking at each other, reveling in the wonder of each other.
She'll say what she wants to say one day. Someday. Because she means the words as she thinks them and Rachel deserves nothing more and nothing less than to hear how loved she is.
"Bye, guys. See you Monday!" Rachel exclaims as she climbs off the bus with Quinn, clutching her girlfriend's hand tighter as they descend off the last step and step onto the concrete.
They both wave with their free hands as the bus pulls away and then walk, hand-in-hand, towards Rachel's house and up the stairs to her front door.
Quinn stops her just as she reaches for the door handle and pulls her into her small frame. Rachel once again finds herself marveling at how perfectly they fit together.
"We won because of you, you know?" Rachel blinks at the words. The compliment is a great one; it feels heavy on her chest. She isn't used to compliments. Sure, her Dads hand them out to her on a daily basis (she appreciates them and she believes their words, but they're family and she doesn't think it counts) and every once in a while, Denise compliments her (they fight more often than not, however, but they are sisters and she doesn't mind because it makes her feel almost normal), but Quinn's compliments are different. Compliments from her friends are different. Because she's not used to it and she doesn't know if she ever will be.
And it's sad.
"You don't honestly believe that, do you?" She asks the question, but she doesn't know why she does because she already knows what Quinn will say. She will say that yes, she does believe the words, wholeheartedly, because they're true, but Rachel still won't believe her.
"Mike's impeccable dance moves were a contributing factor, as were Brittany's," she goes on to argue that it was not just her who won them the competition, but the group in its entirety, "and Noah's husky tone," which is, admittedly, very attractive, even to her, "and Santana's raspy voice definitely did us some good. You cannot deny that, I do not care what you say.""I agree with you, of course," Quinn says sincerely, but Rachel can hear the unspoken but in her words, "but," and there it is, she thinks with a small chuckle that causes Quinn to arch her left eyebrow, "you were the deciding factor. I don't doubt that and nothing you say will make me change my mind, so don't bother trying."
Her words are slightly teasing, but mostly serious, so Rachel does not bother to continue arguing.
"Thank you," she responds softly, unsurely. Her girlfriend frowns at her obvious hesitance to accept the compliment handed to her, but she does not say anything more; she simply pulls Rachel in for a kiss that leaves her feeling breathless afterward.
"Ready to go inside?" Rachel nods, taking Quinn by the hand as she opens the door and pulling her inside, but the second she steps through the door and her eyes fall on the couch, her grip on Quinn's hand tightens, so much so that she can see her girlfriend wincing.
"Hello, Rachel," the woman on the couch says, standing up. Rachel looks at her Dad and her Daddy who both look like they do not know what to say.
She squeezes her eyes shut tightly. She can hear Quinn and her dads and that woman saying her name, but she blocks them out, squeezing her eyes shut even tighter, trying to force the woman away. Maybe she is just a figment of Rachel's imagination. Maybe her nightmares are entering her daily life. However, when she opens her eyes, she knows that is not the case, and all she can do is glare at her Dads because how dare they and all she can do is glare at that woman because-
She lets her thoughts trail off as she snaps, "What the fuck are you doing here?"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Cliffhanger time! Who is the woman in Rachel's living room? Prepare for Rachel's past to finally start being revealed in much, much more detail. Warnings: her past includes a lot that may not be suitable for younger readers to read about.
I apologize for the late update. Inspiration hit out of nowhere after nearly eighteen days and I am hoping it sticks. We'll see. I am finishing this story, though, regardless of how long it takes, and I appreciate those who are sticking with me on Quinn and Rachel's journey to each other and Rachel's journey to healing.
Thanks for the reviews. Much appreciated.