Ginny was worried. She was also tired and fed up. Harry was clearly in trouble, but he wouldn't talk. He was having nightmares every other night and not much sleep even without the nightmares. Ginny had more or less moved into Harry's room which meant she was sleeping poorly also. Molly had insisted that Ginny move back to her own room after the first couple of nights but it soon became clear even to her that Harry was far worse when left alone.
During the day he was listless and didn't want to do anything. Ginny often caught him staring into nothingness looking pale and frightened. Sometimes he would shake. Sometimes he would break into a cold sweat.
She couldn't get through to him, neither could Ron or Hermione. No one could. If confronted he insisted he was OK, just needed a little time to himself. He grew increasingly short tempered. At one point he had Ginny on the verge of tears when he snapped at her just for passing him some juice.
When a concerned Fleur suggested they should consult a healer he turned on her, telling her to butt out and that he didn't need her interfering. This earned Harry a severe dressing down from Bill. Harry apologised but he refused to see a healer.
This is how it was at the Burrow when news broke of the seventh Horcrux and Harry's walk into the forest. Kingsley had released a detailed statement to the press. It was news around the world. Weighty editorials were written about courage and self-sacrifice. It may as well have occurred on a different planet. The press staked out the Burrow hoping in vain to question Harry or any other of the residents. Inside the Burrow nothing changed.
Harry's state had a depressing effect on everyone, but they all carried on as best they could.
In contrast to Harry, George, was doing better. The joke shop had now been open a full week. The previous weekend the family, together with a lot of George's friends had repaired the damage caused by Death Eaters, cleaned up, restocked the shelves and put the shop back in working order. They hadn't touched the apartment; George wasn't ready for that; he kept that off limits and didn't venture there himself.
George found it very hard at first, but the support of friend and family got him through it and by the end of that first week he could enter the shop without a tightening of the chest or an overwhelming sadness.
Things between Ron and George weren't so good. Ron had a lot to learn about the products and the procedures in the shop. A part of George's mind expected Ron to be able to do what Fred had done and he got angry or nastily sarcastic when he couldn't. Ron did his best to hold back his own angry responses, trying to make allowances for George. After all, helping George get back on his feet was why he was there in the first place. He wasn't always successful and they had some robust exchanges. Towards the end of the week relations between the two were frosty and both were having second thoughts about the whole arrangement.
It didn't help that Ron was dumping a lot of his left over anger onto Hermione. It came to a head on Thursday night. Ron and Hermione had an almighty row. Hermione had reorganised their room and when Ron couldn't find his favourite t-shirt he exploded and Hermione was in a mood to match him. They had thrown accusations and recriminations at one another at full throttle for ten minutes until Ron slammed the bedroom door, stormed down the stairs, gave George a vile stare as he passed through the lounge and out the kitchen door, slamming it too for good effect.
Two hours later Hermione found him sitting by the pond skimming stones across the surface.
"Does it help?" she asked, startling him.
"Not really, I actually feel I need to punch something."
"Not me I hope."
Ron jerked around to look at her. She wasn't fearful but she was apprehensive, not certain of his mood.
"Never! …I'm sorry for taking it out on you; I didn't mean all those things I said, not that I remember them anyway. It's George I'm really angry at. And I'm worried about Harry, of course."
"Do you want to punch George or maybe Harry?" she said as she sat down beside him.
"Yes…and no. It's not really their fault either. It's just I get so angry."
"Maybe you have to find the right person to be angry with?"
Ron looked at Hermione blankly for a moment then resumed skimming stones.
He started to throw the stones with more and more force, no longer bothering to skim them.
"Voldemort, … effing Voldemort…bloody, stinking effing Voldemort – that's who's to blame." His stones were no longer entering the water but were crashing with a loud crack against a distant boulder. He was now hurling them with such force that it was clear that some of his magic was leaking into his throws, enhancing their power.
"Voldemort." He threw another rock.
Hermione picked up a rock and joined him. "Voldemort," she yelled.
"Riddle."
"Bellatrix," screamed Hermione with true venom hurling another rock.
"Bleeding bloody Bellatrix," shouted Ron as he hurled a rock with the force of true hatred behind it.
This went on for some time, the force of their throws slowly ebbing. After a while it morphed into a game as they competed at finding sillier and sillier things to be angry at. When Ron finally came up with "the scratchy hair on the leg of the flea on the nose on Filch's Mrs Norris" they knew it was time to stop. They both felt enormously better.
Ron closed with Hermione giving her a kiss, and said "I really love you, you know."
"So I'm not an overzealous busybody who doesn't know when to call it quits?"
"Oh yes, you are definitely that, but I love you anyway."
"I see," said Hermione smiling mischievously "and you're definitely an unreformed layabout who is so stuck in his ways he can hardly move!"
"I bet I can move to our bedroom faster than you can."
"And what would be the point of getting there before me, may I ask?"
"You have a point there Miss Granger. No wonder they call you the cleverest witch of your generation. Shall we go together?"
"That we shall." Arm in arm, smiling and laughing the couple returned to the Burrow.
The next day at the joke shop things had been just that little bit better.
On Sunday the whole family came together for lunch. Percy had gotten up the nerve to ask Audrey to join them. The first time he had tried to introduce her to the family, at Fred's funeral, she had been stunned during the ensuing battle and then called to emergency duty at St Mungo's.
Ron was regaling everyone at the table with a tale of two friends who had been separately coming into the joke shop each day that week trying to one up the other with practical jokes.
"The next day his friend comes in and buys a joke snake. It's really lifelike, gave me the shivers."
Ron mimicked the glee of each of the friends as they anticipated the effect of their purchases on their unsuspecting victim and George's glee as the cash register kept on ringing. He had his family in stitches as he described the antics the shop staff performed to keep the friends from seeing each other when they were both in the shop at Friday lunch time.
All eyes were on Ron, all except Harry's. He was staring sightlessly into space. Ginny was ignoring Ron too. She was watching Harry with increasing concern.
Harry began sweating profusely and then started to shake. He was clutching a tumbler of pumpkin juice tightly in his hand. The tumbler shattered splattering Ginny and Charlie with juice. Large pieces of glass clattered loudly on the table and Harry's hand began to bleed profusely.
It was Audrey, Percy's girlfriend, who was first into action. As a trainee healer at St Mungo's she knew exactly what to do to staunch the bleeding. She removed all the glass shards from the wound and then with some Dittany and some deft wand work sealed the cut.
"It'll be a little stiff for a day or two, but then should be as good as new," she said. Then she asked the question. "What happened?"
"He was sweating and shaking," supplied Ginny. "He's been doing that all week. He was clutching that glass so hard it shattered."
Audrey was pretty sure what was happening. She'd experienced some of the symptoms herself in the days after the battle. Percy had also briefed her earlier. She knew though that it was Harry who needed to open up, to describe what was happening to him."
"What happened Harry?" she repeated.
Harry said nothing.
"I've had it Harry, had it!" exclaimed Ginny angrily. "Don't you dare sit there and say nothing or pretend everything's OK. It's Not OK and it's not going to be OK unless you tell us what's going on. Talk to me!"
Harry looked up at her. She was standing hand on hip and was very determined. She also looked hurt and frightened. He realised how distressed Ginny and indeed all of them were and that he owed them an explanation. That decided, he found he wanted, even needed to tell them. It wasn't going to be easy.
"The snake, the snake Nagini at Godric's Hollow, I keep on seeing it over and over again." He was breathing rapidly and his pulse was racing. "Nagini's attacking you Hermione, killing you… and I can't stop it. Voldemort's coming too. It goes on and on, over and over. Voldemort gets closer and closer. I can't save you, Hermione. You're going to die." Harry was close to tears. Hermione's hands flew to her mouth in horror. Part of her mind was reliving the disaster at Godric's Hollow.
Both Audrey and Ginny put a reassuring hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Is that what's been happening all week," asked Ron.
"Similar, not the same," Harry replied, recovering just a little. "Sometimes it's Dumbledore, sometimes Sirius' death, sometimes you, Ron, at Malfoy manor trying to rescue Hermione and unable to do it. You're both going to die. In every case I'm helpless to change what's happening and it repeats over and over again; the people I couldn't save, the people I got killed, the people I nearly got killed."
"Even when these things aren't going through my head I feel apprehensive. I can't bring myself to do anything. I am filled with dread at the prospect."
People watched him quietly, not knowing what to say. After a while Harry added "I think I'm going mad."
"You're not going mad, Harry," replied Audrey "though it might help if you talked to a healer at St Mungo's. You're just processing the trauma you've been through, though you do seem to have got stuck on something. It will be OK Harry."
"But why now?" asked Ginny.
"I'm no expert in this area," replied Audrey, "but probably some recent event, perhaps something someone has said, has triggered it."
"You signed the papers to join the Aurors just before this all started," said Hermione, repeating her earlier theory.
"Harry, it would really help if you saw a Healer, they could help you move through this," urged Audrey.
"How could I see a Healer? Just look outside the boundary; there are still twenty people from the press out there. It would be all over the newspapers. I've already been through a year, my fifth year at Hogwarts, with the papers questioning my sanity. I don't want to go through that again," said Harry.
"Harry, the staff as St Mungo's are very discrete and there are procedures that enable high profile people to get in and out without being seen by press or public. I urge you to do this, Harry," replied Audrey.
Harry was hesitant.
"Harry, I need you to do this," implored Ginny. "I'm scared. I'm worried. I can't take much more of this. Do it for me, please."
Harry looked up Ginny, then at Ron.
"Yeah mate," said Ron, "You should do this. You're mopey enough as it is without all this other stuff happening. Besides, I need a good night's sleep."
"Gee, you're all heart Ron," said Harry, smiling.
"So they tell me."
The next day, Ginny and Harry were sitting around the kitchen table. Ginny was reading a Quidditch magazine and watching Harry surreptitiously. Harry was trying to read the paper, without much success. He couldn't concentrate. He had started the same article several times only to find that half way through he couldn't remember a word he had read.
An owl arrived delivering a letter to Harry. Ginny noticed the St Mungo's logo on the envelope. She watched Harry read it.
"Who's it from?" she asked.
"Audrey. She has talked to that senior Healer she spoke about, the old family friend."
"And?"
Harry handed her the letter. He didn't want to admit he couldn't get past the first line. Ginny wasn't fooled. She summarised the rest of the letter for him.
"Audrey's friend spoke directly with Stephen Keyworth whom he thinks would the best person for you. Keyworth has suggested coming to the Burrow. Audrey would escort him and they could apparate directly into the back yard, away from the prying eyes of the press. They're suggesting tomorrow afternoon."
Ginny summoned a quill and some parchment and started writing.
"What are you doing?" asked Harry.
"Writing your acceptance, of course…. sign here."
With an air of resignation and a frown, Harry signed. Ginny fed the owl and sent him back with the reply.
That evening Elphias Doge dropped in and happily accepted an invitation to stay for dinner.
"I don't get to enjoy good home style cooking much these days, Molly."
After dinner he gave them an update of the political situation.
"As I hoped, the two people I have approached have agreed to join PLEJ. They will both make a statement to the Wizengamot tomorrow."
Arthur and Hermione had both vetted the two before allowing Doge to make the approach.
"It would be good if as many of the party office holders as possible could be there for the announcement," continued Doge.
"Harry can't go," said Ginny with an air of such utter finality that Doge was taken aback. He looked at Ginny and then at Harry.
"I can't make it tomorrow for a number of reasons. Even if I could…." Harry hesitated; he looked down at the floor, then up at Doge. "Mr Doge, I am not a politician and I don't want to be. I am happy to give my name and endorsement to the party and I definitely want a say in what it stands for but I don't want to be involved in the day to day activities. I definitely don't want to be a member of the Wizengamot, not that that is likely any time soon."
"I understand Harry," replied Doge, though he didn't. He tried to hide his annoyance. "You understand you will need to make some public appearances, make some speeches. You do realise that your endorsement, your reputation is the single biggest asset the party has."
"Harry knows that," replied Hermione trying to protect Harry. "He will do what's required, he always has. At the moment, though, there some other things Harry needs to do."
Elphias realised there was something he wasn't being told and he wasn't going to be told. He had learned long ago to accept that this was how it sometimes was. He trusted the judgement of these people and decided to let it rest. He continued with the rest of his report.
"Minister Shacklebolt has succeeded in reinstating the position of British Youth Representative to the Wizengamot. The vote was overwhelming. Shacklebolt reminded them that it was the youth of Britain who did the most to win this last war. No one wanted to look churlish voting against it. He will put his nomination of Mr Longbottom before the Wizengamot tomorrow. It will take a two thirds majority to overrule his nomination and that won't happen. Neville should be inducted as a member of the Wizengamot next Monday and I do hope you can come for that."
Ron started chuckling, he couldn't stop.
"What's so funny, Mr Weasley?" asked Doge.
"I'm just picturing Neville in second year, when some Cornish pixies lifted him by his ears and hung him from a chandelier. If you told us then he would be a war hero and a member of the Wizengamot when he was just 17…"
Both Harry and Hermione burst out laughing as they recalled the scene.
"Neville will be great," insisted Ginny.
"Oh, we don't doubt it," replied Hermione momentarily controlling her laughter, "but if you had been there…" She lost herself in laughter again.
"Well as much as I hate interrupting these school day reminisces, there's another thing I would like to discuss," said Doge.
Harry, Ron and Hermione felt as if they were back at school being reprimanded for interrupting class.
"Sorry, go ahead," said Hermione.
"I believe I have identified the person we should support for the open slot on the High Warranters. His name is Herman Heblog. He is very sympathetic to our party and would probably join if he wasn't seeking appointment to the High Warranters. He thinks he is less likely to win if he was formally aligned to us. I have copies of his CV and his voting record for you."
"Thanks Elphias," replied Arthur.
"I don't want to leave you with the illusion that Herman has a realistic chance of winning. No matter how we play it, I can't see anyone other than either the candidate of the Pragmatist faction or the Traditionalists getting up. I had hoped it might be otherwise."
Conversation drifted onto more general topics. Doge entertained them for a while with a tale of a memorable holiday he and Dumbledore had taken in Paris in 1910. It served as a reminder of how old Doge actually was.
The next afternoon Senior Healer Stephen Keyworth arrived at the Burrow escorted by Audrey. Keyworth had asked Audrey to be his assistant on Harry's case.
Before talking to Harry he wanted to talk to other members of the household who had witnessed his behaviour and had known him for some time. He had already talked to Arthur at the ministry on the pretext of an administrative issue affecting his department at St Mungo's. Molly, Ginny and Hermione were at home and he talked to them for about an hour and a half.
When Keyworth finally came to talk to Harry, Harry was agitated and angry.
"You have all been talking about me behind my back."
Keyworth was sitting opposite Harry in the Burrow lounge room. Audrey was off to the side taking notes.
"Yes," replied Keyworth, "We have been. I apologise, however I find it necessary. Think of it like a muggle doctor using a thermometer and a stethoscope to get an independent view of an issue. It makes my time with you much more productive."
"'Stethoscope', that's a fairly cold description of flesh and blood people for a healer." He said by way of challenge.
"You're having a tough time of it at the moment."
"I guess."
"It wasn't a question Mr Potter. Frankly, after everything you been through I'd be surprised if you weren't. I want to assure you of two things. First, there is nothing unusual in what you are experiencing. It is common even in cases where people have experienced far less trauma than you have. Second, you will get better. I guarantee it."
"Ron and Hermione have experienced just as much trauma, Ginny too. They aren't cracking up?"
"There is no guarantee that at some stage they won't. That said everyone deals with things differently. People find different strategies for dealing with the issues. That's what we have to do for you; find the right strategies that will enable you to process what has happened and get you back to normal."
"Normal? Normal for me is having a psychopath living in my head and doing his best to kill me and those people I care about."
Keyworth was struck. However Harry's was by no means the first case he had dealt with where 'normal' was an appalling condition.
"Let me put that another way. We want to get you to a state where you can be both productive and enjoy life. You deserve that Harry. Everyone does, but you have truly earned it. Now I would like you to describe what happened last Sunday."
Harry didn't want to talk. He didn't like Keyworth's smug self-assurance, his confidence that he could get Harry 'back to normal'. Harry didn't think things were going to be OK. Still, he had promised Ginny he would cooperate. Reluctantly he began.
Keyworth and Harry talked about Harry's recent experiences; his feelings and particularly his thoughts. They also talked about Harry's plans for the future and how he felt about that. They talked for some time. Harry slowly warmed to Keyworth. He began to see that what he had seen as coldness was simply professional objectivity and that there was genuine concern for Harry behind Keyworth's actions. As the conversation unfolded, he felt the first inkling of hope.
"So, what's wrong with me? Hermione thinks all this happened because I signed the papers to join the Aurors. She wants me to pull out for the moment."
"She is only half right. Arthur told me that a few minutes after you signed, Kingsley Shacklebolt made the comment that they would have you leading teams on missions in no time. He believes that was the trigger and I agree."
"Do you want to explain that?"
"Do I need to? I think you know the truth. You were placed in a position of enormous responsibility. People were hurt, people died, people nearly died. You haven't come to terms with that yet. The thought of taking on responsibility for people's lives once again fills you with dread. Your brain is screaming 'No!'"
"Does that mean I shouldn't join the aurors?"
"No, that should be OK, but it must be made absolutely clear that you are not to be put in a position where you are responsible for the lives of others or leading a team. You are not ready for it. I will write a report to Minister Shacklebolt to that affect."
Contrary to his expectations, Harry felt enormous relief at this, a great weight lifting from his soul. He was still worried though.
"I can't imagine that will do my career prospects any good with the aurors. I'm not sure you're allowed to have mental problems."
"Actually, that is not the case Harry. The auror department has a lot of experience and expertise in dealing with these issues. Stress and trauma are part of the deal of being an auror. They know that people need the space, time and often the help to recover. There is no stigma attached. You have been injured, Harry, in the course of duty. Injuries take time to heal."
"OK, but will I ever be able to lead a team, take on responsibility or will I just crash if I try?"
"That's the crux of it Harry. We have to look at ways that you can come to a realistic view of your own responsibility for recent events as well as enabling you to take on responsibility again in the future. That last part may not be possible Harry. Not everyone can cope well with the type of responsibility where other people's lives are at risk. Many of those who can just don't care and you don't want people like that in the job."
"How do we proceed?"
"Well, I'd like to have a couple more sessions with you and we can review a few strategies and look at a couple of issues. I'd like you to talk to your friends; the ones who were there with you and listen carefully with what they have to say. Think about it too. Talk to Arthur, he has a very balanced view on this. Lastly, I would like to set up some meetings with people who do have the sort of responsibility we are talking about, healers for example. You can look at ways they deal with the issues. It is not easy for anyone who is worth their salt."
Keyworth took his leave, leaving behind a much happier and confident Harry.
Harry walked into the kitchen where Ginny, Molly and Hermione were pretending to have a conversation.
Harry sat down next to Ginny and looked into her frightened and worried eyes.
"It's going to be OK," he said.
Ginny jumped into his arms and cried a little.
"It's going to be OK."