So, I always kind of pictured Katsura as an even more fucked up father figure than Hiko was (though slightly less so), which is where this came from. I'm not sure if I got this from the OVA or the manga or fanfiction or whatever, but if he seems OOC, blame both that and the fact that I'm a borderline insomniac and it's four-thirty in the morning. I hate the world right now.

Also, this one-shot deserves actual warnings because it's more direct than the first one, but it still feels like spoilers. Anyway, here they are: self-destructive behaviors, even harsher insinuations of rape than the first one-shot, and logical OOC-ness. No eating disorder or anything, for the record. Yet I somehow doubt this will be the worst one I'll write (I can't help it, all of these are written in the wee hours of the morning which really fucks with my head).

Only takes place over the course of a few days like the last story because I want to explore this time period/relationship more.

Oh, and for the record, I'm mildly dyslexic. I just replaced the first chapter to say this, but that's why there're so many typos.

Disclaimer: don't own anything you recognize.

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"Making Progress"

The first time Kenshin makes a kill, it actually scares Katsura how good he is. It scares him even more knowing that to utilize this kid's skill, he'll have to destroy his life. Though he acknowledges this the first moment he sees the boy cut through two feet of solid wood, it catches him off guard how quickly his mind breaks.

Kenshin has amazingly good control over his ki, but that's not so true for his actual emotional capacity. The more and more panicked he gets, the more and his capacity and control deteriorate. Since, if he gets into an altercation with a real skilled swordsmen, this can be dangerous, Katsura knows he has he has to get to the bottom of this fast or he won't be able to use him anymore. He finds out soon after the decision is made that he isn't the only who's worried.

On a Tuesday in January, four months after Kenshin joined the war effort and two since he received the street name Battousai, Okami comes to him. "Himura's eating less," she says to him, "and he never used to have much to begin with."

This is what Katsura is afraid of. It isn't the first time loss of appetite has been a sign of a damaged mind and with Daisuke it lowered his illness resistance so severely that a common flu killed him. And something tells him that Kenshin, being as young as he is, will be much worse. This isn't something he expected to have to acknowledge this early on, though maybe it's for the best; if he can fix the boy soon, it isn't something that will arise later into his time as a hitokiri.

Few times has he been as disgusted with his own mind as much as he is now.

"Can you pushed him to eat more? Just for the next week and come find me if he doesn't?" he asks, and Okami shakes her head, biting her bottom lip. "You know, he's only thirteen. You don't need to be afraid of him."

"I'm not," the woman says, tone blunt. "You just can't fix someone until they want to be fixed. I don't think he even knows there's a problem to begin with."

This is true, but Katsura denies it for now anyway. As it turns out, this is a terrible decision.

.

Katsura promised himself that he wasn't going to get attached to the kid, that as the leader of the Choshu Clan, he can't afford seeing him as anything more than a tool. But that isn't possible because every time those wide eyes turn to him or he catches the sight of hands chapped from too much scrubbing, he feels that pang of responsibility he was trying so desperately to ignore.

"Assignment was completed without issues," the boy tells him the day after his conversation with Okami. Though Kenshin's always been skinny, it was the wiry, lean kind - now he's pulling his shirt over his shoulder and has that distracted look about him that means he's about to pass out.

As he nods affirmative, he tries to think of something to say. Despite the red hair and light eyes, the kid's normally not pale. "Well done," he says before a possible idea comes to him. "Himura, I need to discuss your next assignment with you. It's a little more complicated than your usual ones. Come, eat with me while we talk. I'm sure you must be hungry."

From the wary look alone Katsura knows the boy is suspicious, but even if he hadn't noticed that, how quickly his ki disappears is a sure sign. Rather than argue, he says, "Okay, sir," because there's no room for disagreement. It's a problem, commanding someone that smart.

Kenshin follows him to the kitchen where he picks up dinner for two and gives a small smile at the grateful look on Okami's face. The woman really does deserve more than the anxiety they put her through. Then they go to his room, where the boy hesitates before entering, momentarily losing his control again. Though Katsura is focusing hard enough that he should be able to pick out individual emotions, he has trouble figuring out what the kid is feeling. Whatever it is, he knows there's something severely wrong.

"We have found a Shogunate hide-out," he says after they both sit. Kenshin picks unenthusiastically at his food but it's better than nothing. "I need you to route it." Though the kid doesn't say anything, he manages to make eye contact and his gaze looks a little clearer. He continues, "This is a major assignment. Normally I wouldn't give a new arrival something this big, but I trust you with it. Can you do this?"

In truth this was originally meant for a veteran, but he needed something believable. "Yes," Kenshin says. "Tonight?"

"No," he answers. "In three days. The most important members will be meeting in the dining hall. I can get you floor plans by tomorrow." Kenshin looks at him blankly and some of the color has returned to his face. Since he wants to keep him there long enough to finish, he says, "Outside of the assignments, how have you been doing?"

He stills before looking down again. "Fine," he says, which is one of those answers that's always a lie.

"What do you do with your spare time?"

"Read."

This catches Katsura off guard but he reminds himself that unlike the other members of this group, Kenshin isn't quite old enough to understand the joys of sake drinking. "Do you ever go outside when you aren't on a job?" he asks.

"Sometimes."

"You have off tomorrow," he says. "Go walk around Kyoto, maybe get something to eat. It gets boring in here. Getting outside might do you some good."

Kenshin's eyes grow sharper and he really is too perceptive for his own good. By the end of the revolution, whether they win or lose, Katsura will need to use a great deal of effort to keep the government away from him. Already his idealism is failing. "I will," the boy says. "Is that all?"

Now they're both done with their dinner and anything else will be too direct, so he's forced to say, "Yes, you're dismissed now."

The boy gets up and loses control again and the ki is definitely in reaction to pain which is ridiculous because Kenshin doesn't get hurt. "Goodbye, Katsura-san," he says, giving a quick bow, dishes in hand before leaving.

Katsura isn't given a chance to say anything back.

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This is the first time Katsura has really seen the Hitokiri Battousai. Witnessing the phenomenon results in a katana pressed to his throat.

Amber eyes flickered for a moment before becoming purple again, fading from attentiveness to fear as Kenshin drops his sword. For a moment neither of them speaks, Katsura at a loss for words, before the boy says, "I'm so sorry, it's an instinctive reaction."

The look he has is the beginning of a panic attack and though it might be helpful to him in figuring out how he can help, Katsura doesn't want to go through that right now. Not this early in the morning when any sane person should be sleeping. "Don't worry about it," he says, "you didn't hurt me." Hopefully in his half asleep state, Kenshin won't notice the small nick on his neck from where the katana connected. No one has the right to be that fast when they aren't even awake. After an awkward silences passes where the boy doesn't say anything, he adds, "I found blood on my floor. I came in to see if you had your wound checked."

From the stain so large he can even see it in the dark, he's forced to assume it hasn't. "My -" Kenshin looks down as if feeling the injury for the first time. His hair is disheveled and the bruises under his eyes suggest that this is the first sleep he's had in a while. "Oh. That's why my head feels funny."

"Push down your top," Katsura tells him and immediately knows something is wrong. The kid's whole body tenses, he loses eye contact, his survival instincts exploding so suddenly and intensely that it actually hurts to be around. The color of his eyes (which is something Katsura doesn't fully understand) is going crazy, turning into a kaleidoscope of amber and purple. It doesn't take someone perceptive to see what's going on because for once, there's nothing subtle and hard to read - it's plain on his face and from body language. Quickly, he sits down somewhat far away from him and tries to talk him out it. He adds, "It's just to check your wound, Kenshin. I promise."

Normally this is the kind of statement the boy hides the reaction of, but there's something still not quite there about him and the tension of lack and eye contact only grows worse. He isn't sure if it was the use of his given name without the honorific or just simple disbelief, but it obviously had the opposite effect of what he intended. Even more worrisome is the silence and the way that he doesn't even glance at the katana, which lies at a distance easy enough to reach. Like he won't resist, like he's been through it more than once before.

The thought of it makes Katsura feel sick.

He tries, "I swear on my mother's grave that I only want to see it. I won't help unless you tell me to and it's just to fix the injury." More silence. This is beginning to frustrate him. "Look, your head feels funny because you're dizzy. There's enough blood on your clothes and on my floor that you must be suffering from blood loss. If someone doesn't check it out, you're going to pass out."

There's a moment of hesitation. Then, all small sounding and uncharacteristic, the boy says, "A samurai cut me deeper than I intended," as he slips his top off his shoulders.

In his worry, Katsura misses the latter part of the statement. If he hadn't, it would have changed everything.

The cut is deep enough to count as a hazard, surrounded by recent, self-treated sword wounds and old scars. Again, the worry stops him from connecting the dots to the logical conclusion. For now he just sees them for a beginner's mistakes. "Does it need to be treated?" Kenshin asks and he nods. "Can you please?"

"Where do you keep the emergency replies?"

"In the box by the bed."

Katsura half scrambles up and heads over, opening the small box and taking out needle, thread, never-touched sake, and some bandages and gauze. When he's back a second later, the kid's eyes are bright amber and looking out the window, suddenly apathetic to the pain both mental and physical, though his body still reacting. He threads the needle.

"This is going to hurt."

He pours sake on the wound and stitches it up and it's the lack of reaction that causes the seeds of suspicion to be planted in his mind. Then comes the last tug of the string and the tie and it's here, at the end of it, that Kenshin finally passes out against his shoulder. For a moment he lets him stay there, but eventually Katsura has to pick him up and carry him over to the futon by the wall.

His body is light as air.

.

This is the incident, in one hundred words or less:

The target is Akiyama Haruto, a thirty-eight-year-old man . He has a wife and two daughters. He is notorious for having good luck. He happens to be a loyal Shogunate who has actively spoken against the rebellion. Days earlier he killed a rebel. Katsura hates him. His good fortune has ended.

When he sees the child, he is drunk. He calls him a demon for his hair and a fake for his sword. Kenshin is having a bad day already and the habit he meant to keep a one time thing resurfaces. He attacks and Akiyama gets him in the side. The killing blow is perfect.

There is no mistake.

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The next day Shinsaku asks him, "What's wrong? You look like you haven't slept at all."

Besides Okami, who's involved, his friend is the only one he trusts enough to explain his troubles. To everyone else, he needs to look immune to that sort of panic and Kenshin needs to seem mentally stable. If this gets out, it's going to mean a lot of trouble for both of them.

"It's Himura," he says. "There's something wrong."

"What do you mean?"

Katsura hesitates before explaining what occurred that night, though he leaves out Kenshin's reaction to being asked to take his top off. That, more than anything else, is private. Private and worrisome, which is a word he's been using much too often as of late. It seems as if the trauma isn't a new thing, something he's suspected for some time. The boy's youth and unpredictability and the knowledge that it's his decision that's breaking his mind down further has become an unwanted, unexpected weaknesses of his.

Maybe it's because if Ichiro had lived, the two boys would be the same age.

Shinsaku's brows crease. "He's thirteen," he says. "That's really young. He might be letting the attacks connect."

This is another thought that's crossed his mind. Last night he hadn't been suspicious until towards the end, but it's fully manifested now. Unfortunately, he can't think of a way to approach the kid and ask. "That's plausible," he answers. "He needs to stop and I don't know if he can."

You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed, Okami had told him.

Though it hasn't been said, Katsura knows Shinsaku doesn't want to believe it, even if he's the one who first put it to words. There's also the unspoken thought of you should've kept him with me. "You're being too pessimistic," his friend says. "Like I said, he's young. It might just be puberty for all you know. I'm sure it'll go away."

But even as Katsura says, "Maybe," he knows this isn't true and his number one needs an intervention. If he'd had to deal with this earlier, it would be easier, but this coping technique is a step further than normal. Shinsaku is probably right, too and maybe if he hadn't brought the kid to Kyoto, it wouldn't be this bad. Unlike being a soldier, a hitokiri's kills are close up and personal.

Outside the thin walls, a man eavesdrops. A little over a year later, he will manipulate this tendency and break the boy beyond repair. And he will feel nothing.

.

Though he hates how risky it is, he's forced to wait until the day of routing to talk to Kenshin about this problem of his. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the kid delivers the opportunity in a neat little package of a destroyed body and too much blood. And Katsura hates himself for not doing this earlier.

"Kogoro-san!"

He's in the middle of composing a letter to his nephew back home inquiring about the health of his ailing brother. The girl is young, a kitchen worker, and her cheeks are flushed and breathing coming out uneven. Something has made her badly shaken and he knows without needing to be told. "Did Okami-san send you?" The young girl nods, out of breath. "Where?"

"Wash room," she manages to get out as he stands. "There was so much blood, Kogoro-san. So much blood."

There's a small truth that few people have realized. While many of the men are legitimately scared of the boy, the girls all love him, whether it be maternal or romantic. Considering Katsura's own reaction he can understand the former. As he leaves, he says, "Tell this to no one."

.

It is truly a judgment of character and skill that Kenshin is able to walk unsupported to his room, only showing how many pain he's in when he takes his first step up the stairs. Katsura is behind him the whole way, ready to catch him if falls.

When they make it to the room and the boy miraculously manages to reach the windowsill, he decides not to delay anymore. It's for the kid's own good, he reminds himself. "Did you let this happen?" he asks bluntly.

Even as he answers, "What do you mean?" Katsura can feel the nervousness and falsehood. He isn't sure if it's because of the pain or the half-lost sanity, but all control is lost and everything is laid bare before him. Thank Heavens that no one else is close enough to feel this, though the force of it is so strong someone far away might be getting a hint of it. The thought of this is not a comforting one.

"Even against thirty people, you're too skilled for this to happen," he answers bluntly and Kenshin's eyes are the darkest amber he's seen in a long time. "And I'm sure you're aware of this, but if that one -" He points to the one of his chest, unwilling to even look like he's about to touch him because he's figured out by now that last time he wasn't fully in the present. "- was a little more to the right, you'd be dead before you were able to get here."

Kenshin visibly cringes. This is worse than Katsura realized. He says, "Himura, I need you to tell me what happened."

Suddenly it all comes up in a rush, the boy's panic making him lose his brain to mouth filter.

"I don't know," he says and his eye color starts going crazy again. "I'm getting better instead of worse but I keep running straight into the attacks when I kill them and I don't get, I keep trying to stop but I can't a-and I think this is on purpose too and in the hideout there were just so many and I stopped caring and then I passed out but I guess I killed someone with a cigarette because everyone was dead but I woke up not able to breathe because there was this fire and I realized that dying of suffocation sounds really, really painful and making it back was hard and I'm so tired and-and-and -"

It's about the derail further and Katsura needs to calm him before the anxiety attack gets so bad he can't get air to his lungs. Besides, he knows enough now; the boy has moments of clarity, he's actively trying to kill or at least hurt himself, and odds are he'll be afraid of fire for the rest of his life. Instinctively, he puts a hand in Kenshin's hair, something he hasn't done in five years, not since Ichiro was still alive. He goes to retreat before he realizes that if anything it's acting like a calming influence rather an a panic-inducing so he keeps it there. His sense of touch is probably what's grounding him.

So, he can do something at least.

"You should've told me earlier." Kenshin's eyes are back to unwavering purple now, which is a good sign. "I could've helped before you got this bad." Before the point that a thirteen-year-old tried to commit suicide, that is. Maybe Shinsaku was right all along.

The boy answers, "You're the head of the Choshu Clan, you shouldn't have to deal with with this. Besides, I want to finish this."

Naturally, the kid's too honor bound to bow out through anything other than suicide, though maybe that's a good thing. The thought of going until the end could've been the drive that kept him alive. He moves his hand and sits down and Kenshin seems to have gotten some control back. "This isn't an inconvenience," he says, "and I want you - all of you - to be safe. How long?"

"A month, I think."

That's longer than he thought. "Be honest with me," he tells the boy. "Do you want help?"

"Well," Kenshin answers, but stops. After a moment he continues, "Right now I do."

"Okay." Honest coming this easily isn't something he expected. "Then listen, this is what we'll do." He pauses, waiting for an interruption, but nothing comes. "Either Okami-san or I will check you after you come back for an assignment. Eat if someone tells you to until you start remembering to do it yourself. And let me know immediately if you start contemplating killing yourself again, okay? Can you do this?" And, because he needs something to convince the kid, he adds, "We need you right now, Kenshin."

This time his given name and the lack of honorific don't scare him but do the desired effect of letting him know this is serious. Dealing with this is a little easier now that it's out in the open, though he keeps one subject taboo. Bringing up his...flashback or whatever it was doesn't seem like a good idea. Simply because of the nature of, there's a possibility he doesn't even remember. "I think I can do this," he says after another pause.

It's about as good as he's going to get at the moment, Katsura knows. "You're tired because of the blood loss," he says, standing, "but you need some food in you before I can let you sleep. Stay awake until I get back."

Though the kid has no reaction, he knows that he will. When he's at the other end of the room, door slid open, he stops and looks behind him. Then, because needs to, he says to Kenshin, "If you ever want to leave, just tell me. I won't stop you."

Katsura can count on one hand the number of times he's seen the boy smile, but there's one there now, small and barely noticeable, only half-existing on his face.

"Thank you, Katsura-san."

.

Wow, okay. This seriously didn't turn out how I expected. I originally meant to have the seconds shorter, less rushed, having a more definite ending (this doesn't exactly end with him stopping), and not this paternal/panicky. I can honestly say I don't know where this final product came from.

Anyway, review please! I know I have more than one person who favorited/altered this and reviews make for good motivation (yes, I am being a shameless review whore but I currently don't care because mustache).