Chapter 19! Year 6. Snape is very afraid that she's gone forever. Lauren has much the same fear amongst her confusion.

After a long hiatus due to writers block and my laptop finally giving up I'm back with the next chapter! So sorry to all of you I kept waiting. I promise not to poof again if I can help it. Hopefully I'll be getting a new laptop for the holidays~

As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, Beesy, Sevre and anonymous reviewer Bree.

And to all of you who've sent reviews or pm's that I haven't replied to, I'll get to them as soon as I can. I hope you all know how much I appreciate every single one. Now, go on, read and enjoy =3

Chapter 19 – Little Miss Forgetful

It was cold, very cold where she was, and so bright that not a shadow could be found.

There was no movement, no noise, no feelings. It was empty, empty of everything but what it was. The white, all-encompassing blankness, a void. This was the place where thoughts went to die, screaming mutely into the silence till they faded away. This was the place of nil, of nothing, no life, no death. It was anti-creation. The white. And she was floating in it.

It wasn't so bad really. It had actually once been very good, still was very good when everything was open and pouring out and there was nothing but pain and the chitter chatter of despairing voices, the scritch scratch of nails on the inside of her skull as those voices tried to claw their way out. The white was good, it was safe but it was… lonely. Empty. It was missing something, something that had been there what seemed to be a very long time ago.

It was something that smelled nice and felt nice and sounded nice, so very nice with a soft voice, and it was warm, warm and tight and secure. It was nothing like the white, an opposite. It was dark but not scary; it spoke to her with such kind words, sweet noise in the silence.

It was silent now, so silent that her ears rang just for the sake of making noise. She didn't really register it, didn't register anything here in the suspended void, but it gnawed at her subconscious, the subconscious that was slowly being drowned, being smothered by this place, the subconscious that was fading away with the conscious, inaccessible.

This was the place where thoughts died, where minds stopped, and hers was stopping again as she hid herself away.

In the waking world she smiled an empty smile, eyes dull and dead as they watched forward. Her hand, touching… something, something soft, something on the head, something she couldn't remember the name for, kept working busily, automatically. She didn't actually feel it, didn't know she was doing it, her body just worked, went on with its last task.

In her lap was something heavy, starting to slowly move. The thing made noises, words, that she did not hear and could not comprehend, and then it was gone. Her hand kept working, mocking a stroking motion in the open air.

On the floor of the Astronomy Tower Draco made himself sit up, stare at her with bleary eyes and a confused mind. What was she doing? What was going on?

Slowly things started to come back to him, memories of the things that had happed recently. How recently he wasn't sure, time was a funny, fuzzy thing, and he couldn't tell how long he might've been out.

But he recalled his mission, his failure and Snape's intervention, her intervention. He recalled his fear at the thought that she would be killed, killed because of him and because she was a fool who was always where she shouldn't be, was always getting involved in things she shouldn't. And then the shadow men, her shadow men, pulling from the floor, screaming and dragging along. He remembered his terror, then the ring of fire, the strange figures who fought them, then did his job for him, the ones who killed Dumbledore… He hadn't killed Dumbledore.

A large part of him was relieved, a large part afraid. What would happen to him now? The mission had gone through but not as planned…

Slowly he forced himself to his feet then looked down at her. They needed to get out, needed to move somewhere else before people came. He held a hand out to her but she didn't take it, didn't look at him. She kept her empty gaze forward, hand still working and working as if his head was still in her lap, as if she was combing her fingers through his hair.

"Dari?" he asked, suddenly concerned, noticing her unfocused gaze. "Lauren?"

She didn't reply, didn't hear him, didn't respond when he bent down and nudged her. Her hand stopped only when he stopped it and when he pulled her to her feet she would stand but not walk.

On her wrist the rememberalls were red but no name was on the plaque. She was not trying to remember, not trying to think. She just stood, empty, smiling, and he took a step away from her. What had happened? Why was she like this? Was it something the shadow men had done?

He didn't know what to do with her, couldn't get her to move. Should he move her? Would she freak out?

Slowly, tentatively, he stepped back to her, braced his hands on her shoulders, and shook her lightly.

"Snap out of it" he commanded weekly. "Come on!"

He heard the creek of the stairs and turned his fearful eyes towards the entrance to the room. Severus came walking up and he was actually relieved to see the greasy git. He could help.

"What are you still doing here?" the man hissed venomously till he noticed Lauren standing there.

He strode up to her quickly and Draco found himself struck by the look of sadness and desperation on his teachers face.

He moved the smaller male aside, away from her, and took up the position the other had, hands on her shoulders. His eyes searched hers frantically and he tried legimancy twice in vain, mind rebounding on the white void swallowing everything inside her.

"Lauren" he said softly. "Are you in the white? Can you come out?"

No response.

"Lauren?" his hands moved to her face and he tried to focus her gaze, tried to draw her out of that empty place.

She didn't budge and he pulled her into his arms, held her tight, then picked her up.

There was nothing he could do for her he knew. Nothing Poppy or anyone else could accomplish in bringing her mind out of this stupor, but he needed to move her, needed her out of this place.

The Death Eaters were gone, chased away by members of the order. The cloaked figures were gone, chased away by himself and an enraged Potter, but still danger loomed on the horizon, for all witnesses to this act. Draco would need to make himself scarce with Potter as he was, it would be wise of Severus to do the same but he was not about to leave her on her own.

He felt guilty enough as it was, felt terrible about the way he'd treated her recently, about not protecting her well enough to keep her out of this situation.

With Draco trailing behind he moved as quickly as he could from the room and through the school, going down past the hospital wing and continuing to the dungeon. There was nothing Poppy could do and after that battle he didn't know how many people would need her care, didn't know how vulnerable Lauren might be or what kind of suspicion her condition may rise.

He didn't want anyone to associate her with this at all, didn't even want to hint that she might've been there, and so he continued to the dungeons and into his quarters.

"What's wrong with her?" Draco asked, leaning heavily against the closed door, hands running through his hair.

Snape ignored him, having no real and proper answer and annoyed with the boy completely. He laid her out on the couch, though she was hesitant to let him go, and directed the blond to the floo.

Between the two argument sparked. Draco did not want to go, had nowhere to go where he wouldn't be punished. Voldemort would be waiting for him wherever he turned up the boy was sure, and he was terrified, terrified of dying.

Severus maintained that he would take care of it, told him to go home and lay low, but the boy wouldn't listen. He wouldn't go.

They yelled, a forceful back and forth, and Lauren lay on the couch, oblivious to all.

She was in the white. The cold, lonely white… She didn't want to be alone.

In the void her suspended body, the only thing of substance in this space, rolled onto one side. She pulled up her legs, curled in on herself, tried to make the warmth she so missed. Where had it come from so long ago? Why couldn't she make it herself?

"Warm" she whimpered quietly, in both her worlds. It was a strain to come up with the proper word, a strain to make the proper noise, but she felt it needed to be articulated. Somewhere in the base of her mind, the part not yet fully submerged in the white, she knew that to receive one must ask. Perhaps if she asked for the warmth she would receive it. Perhaps the white would gift it to her.

In front of the floo, ready to come to blows, Severus and Draco fell to silence. Both looked over to her slowly and were surprised to find her moved. Previously on her back she was now on her side, facing them. Her eyes were open a little more, the smile off her face, brow furrowed.

"Warm?" she articulated one more time, voice closer to questioning than before. Her arms moved out slowly, reaching for something she did not see, could not see, reaching out for them, for him, searching for Severus who had been her source of warmth once before.

"Go" he shoved Draco towards the fireplace one more time, losing some of his previous aggression as he remembered the debilitated girl lying there. "I will be close behind but I need to… She needs me."

The boy scoffed, glaring hard as he spoke, "she needed you when they were trying to kill her."

Severus thought the blond ought to count himself lucky that it was only a backhanded slap he received and not the punch or hex he'd considered. "And where were you boy? On the edge of hysterics that's where! A lot of damn good you did, this is your fault anyway so do not criticize me! Leave, now."

His rage was nearly tangible as he bore down on the younger and Draco skittered back, hand pressed to his stinging cheek. He glared but turned and grabbed a handful of floo powder and took himself home.

The black haired man watched him go with a small measure of relief drowned in seething anger and turned slowly to face his sitting room again. All those emotions deflated when he was confronted with the sight of her, still lying there pitifully, arms outstretched, expression blank but wanting.

The anger was replaced with sadness, the relief with worry, and he walked quickly to her side.

A clammy hand passed over her brow, swiping some of that dark and dusty hair off of her face, and then he reached down, hands braced under both her arms. He picked her up again and sat down, settling her on his lap just as he had done before. She shifted in his arms, he supposed to get comfortable, then fell still again and took a deep breath.

He held her tight, kissed the top of her head, rubbed her back. After a long while he started to rock, back and forth, nice and slow. A while later he began to speak.

"Come back" he whispered. "Come back please."

Face buried in her hair, soft and thick he sighed. "I'm sorry" and held a little tighter. "I couldn't protect you and I'm sorry." He felt himself breaking and tried to do all he could to stop it. This was why he had stopped feeling. This was why he had avoided the vice of love, in any form, for all these years.

He had let her down, had abandoned her when she needed him most. A week ago he had hurt her, had let his anger get the best of him and had lashed out. For the last seven days he had avoided her, glared at her, wondered why she hadn't returned to his side and then realized it was because he was being cruel again. And he had wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure how. It was not something he often did, he was as proud as he was knowledgeable, as stubborn as she. He hadn't felt completely guilty, she had gone on and disobeyed him had refused to listen. He hadn't felt guilty…

"I'm so sorry… Please" he held tighter again and felt pitiful, felt hurt and guilty and terrified, terrified that he'd ruined her, let her destroy herself, terrified that she would never come out of this.

"Lauren…"

He was startled when she moved, let his grip slacken a little, and watched as she pulled away from him to regard him with those glazed over eyes.

She tilted her head in her usual unusual way and gave a hollow smile. "Warm."

He blinked then nodded. "Yes, warm…" His hands came up to rest on her face and he focused her unfocused eyes on him. "Come back to the warm. Back to me… Do you remember me?"

She blinked slowly, still smiling. "Who?"

"Professor Snape… Severus." He took her small hand in his and held the bracelet in her line of vision. The rememberalls were still deep red and she smiled a little wider at the pretty color. Nothing showed up on the plaque though, she was still not trying to remember, her mind still too far in the haze.

He sighed and let her hand slip free. Was she really gone? He hadn't had such a hard time of this last time, had gotten at least some clarity in her vision, but there was nothing now… Nothing.

Feeling defeated and worried, heart beating a slow and painful rhythm against his ribs, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. His hands cupped her face again and he closed his eyes, pressing a soft, lingering kiss against her mouth.

She didn't return it, didn't budge, but as he pulled away some seconds later he felt wetness on his fingers.

There were tears falling from her clouded eyes, the smile on her face was wavering. She looked lost, lost and scared. He wiped her tears away.

"Don't." he implored her. "Don't cry silly girl. Just come back."

A small light touched her eyes. She could hear him finally, hear through the cushioning of the white. She could hear him but did not understand, did not know why she was crying, only that she was sad and a little scared, only that things hurt and were open but that she was not wandering near the door. She was safe, in or out of the white. She was safe because she was with him, because she was in the warm and he had promised, he promised that he would save her, that the warm would be safe.

Her smile came back, despite the tears she could not stop, and she blinked at him. Now she could see. The white was gone from her vision too and she saw darkness full of warmth and sadness, his eyes watching her. She swallowed.

"Professor?"

"Yes?" the word was a strain, his voice nearly cracked from the force of it, the effort of it.

"I… Why am I so sad? "

He closed his eyes, hands falling from her face to her shoulders then down again to hold her hands in her lap. His gaze focused on those small brown hands in his when he opened his eyes again and sighed. "Something very bad has happened" he told her slowly. "Something bad has happened and I will have to leave for a time."

She frowned, brow furrowing, then winced and he squeezed her hands gently. "Don't. Do not try to remember just…" He kissed her forehead, unsure of how to continue or what to say.

She frowned a little deeper, the cloudiness fading further from her eyes as she asked "did I do something wrong? Is that why you're leaving? Did I upset you?"

"What?" his gaze was rather surprised, as he was. Why would she think-

"I-I think I yelled at you. I think I did, not too long ago… Is that why you're leaving? I'm sorry" the tears picked up in speed as a few unbidden memories pressed up through the haze, their fight the week previous, his yelling at her, his anger… Draco.

"I'm so sorry" she hiccoughed. "R-Really I promise I'll listen, I promise, I just… Please don't be mad. Please I-"

His hands on her cheeks again stopped her ranting for a time, her watery eyes meeting his own desperate pair. "Hush" he implored her. "You've done nothing wrong… I am the one at fault." And he was. He knew that, but admitting it made him feel all the worse. He was the one who allowed a relationship between them because, in the end, what say did she have really? If he didn't want her she would not be here, if he didn't care he would have banished her away. And he was the one who'd promised to protect her and failed, the one who had not handled well the events of the week previous, the one who had not handled well the events of this evening.

His heart hurt as he watched her sad, confused eyes, and he wiped away her tears whose flow had started to ebb.

"I am sorry" he said, and the words were unfamiliar in his mouth, almost didn't come out right. The sincerity with which he said them frightened him a little. He'd only felt so truly sorry twice in his life… Now it was three times he supposed. "I am sorry that I let this happen, and that I have to leave you. I am sorry that I have been cruel, that I have hurt you."

His hands left her face and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. He couldn't stand to look at that sad gaze anymore and wanted nothing more than to hold her till everything was alright again.

"You are such a darling girl" he sighed, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. "Such a darling girl… You've done nothing wrong. I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug and leaned up to press a soft kiss against his neck. "It's okay" she murmured, her breath warm against his skin. Her mind still wasn't completely clear. She didn't know why she felt so sad or defeated, didn't know why he was apologizing so much. What was this bad thing that had happened? Too much was open but a lot was closed too and she couldn't remember. She didn't want him to be sad.

Slipping carefully from his embrace she reached up, her hands on his cheeks this time, and gave him a soft kiss. "It's okay."

And he wanted to tell her no, shake his head and say no it's not, it never was, and never would be okay, nothing was okay, but he couldn't. The words stuck in his throat when she kissed him again, when she pulled away and he saw the confusion and the sadness and the love in her eyes, the trust that he would make things better, make them okay.

He couldn't make himself break the illusion her mind was building up, had built up, about the good things of the world, about him.

He could only marvel at her sweetness, her willingness to comfort him even when she herself was broken and scared. The tenderness she showed him was foreign and strange, not unpleasant but… He didn't feel worthy of, didn't feel deserving. He had done as much to hurt her as he'd done to help.

Without words to speak he drew her into his arms once more, kissed her again, and wondered why she cared. What had he done to earn someone so sweet and what would he do to send her away, to destroy her as he'd done before? Was this the moment, the definitive time where he would leave her and be done with it all? When he left her to whatever place of care he deemed safe would this resume upon his return? Would she remember him? He did not know how far the so-called white reached. If she was denied his presence, denied his memory, would she forget?

A part of him hoped so but another part dreaded it more than anything. He did not want to let her go, no matter how dark the path of destruction ahead may be for himself, for her. He wanted her to stay, to be his, his little darling, someone who cared for him, who loved him. That was something he had not had in a long while… Now that he had it he needed it, as pained as he was to admit. No man is an island, not forever.

He held her a little tighter still and put a stopper on his flow of emotions. The high activity of the day, his exhaustion now, had made him sloppy. Though his mind remained guarded, habit was habit, he'd let the barrier around his feelings fall and that was not safe. He played well at apathetic but his true nature was frighteningly passionate and he could not risk letting that side of him gain control. Too damn impulsive…

"Professor?" she prodded gently, words muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

"Yes?"

"Do you have to go?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to go."

"'I'm sorry."

"Do you have to go now?"

"It would be fore the best."

She slumped against him and he kissed the top of her head, hands roaming slowly up and down her back. He didn't want to go either but he had to. He hadn't killed Dumbledore but he'd been close to it, would have done it if not for the interruption. If he wasn't careful he might get arrested and carted off to Azkaban for another man's crime. He needed to go.

"Where should I go?" she asked softly, voice wavering. Was she crying again?

Yes, he was sure she was, knew it without even looking. He squeezed her gently then pulled away, kissed her forehead and slid her off of his lap and onto the couch properly. "Wait here" he told her, wandering off to the back room.

She wiped at her face while he was gone and tried to stop the flow of tears, tried to remember what had happened and why she was so upset. All her attempts were met with sharp pain right behind her eyes and she tipped herself over, curled up on her side while she waited for him to return.

She'd drifted off into a light sleep before he came back and blinked up at him blearily when he shook her awake.

There was a clear vial in his hand and he offered it to her, watched her intently as she drank it down. It was tasteless, like water, and she wondered why she had to drink it. A few minutes later he looked at her, seemed worried, then gave her something else to drink. It was blue and tasted bitter. Why this one?

She tried to ask but he didn't respond, only helped her up and walked her to the door. He paused before stepping out, turned to her, leaned down and kissed her.

"I…" he trailed off, looking into her clouding eyes. "You are precious to me. I want you to know that. Do not forget that."

He kissed her again, held her close, and then stepped away and out the door, beckoning her to follow.

Together they wandered the less traveled halls of Hogwarts. They were unfamiliar to her eyes as they went and at some point the bricks began to merge together, the windows blurring into the stone. She wobbled on her feet and he steadied her with a firm hand on her shoulder.

By the time they stopped she couldn't see anything clearly, but made out a human figure standing in front of them. The voice, though distorted by her confused mind, was placed to Luna and she found herself suddenly by the other girl, supported by her slight body.

There were a few more words she could not make out between her Professor and her friend, something changed hands she thought, and then he wandered away. She wanted to call after him, but speech had failed her, all her senses were slowly dulling, almost like the white only different, she hadn't gone there, she wasn't hiding? Had it been that drink?

She barely made it up the stairs and as soon as she was in the common she collapsed onto a couch, consciousness fading, mind fading. Where was she, why? How had she gotten there and who… who had she just been with? Turning on her side she fell into a fitful sleep, broken fragments of memories dancing about behind her closed eyelids.

What was she seeing? … What was that drink?

Down in the dungeons once again, Severus stood before the floo and wondered, nervously, if she would be alright. The first potion he had given her was something akin to a dreamless sleep drought, but it also had properties akin to obliviation. He'd given it to her hoping that she would forget everything that had happened in the last few days, if not the last week, to help avoid trauma, but then realized that her memory was weak, her mind scattered. In an attempt to rectify it he'd given her a memory restoration potion on top of it.

They shouldn't cause any deadly reactions but… What had he just done?

Floo powder in his hand he took a deep breath and hoped with all his heart that he hadn't just hurt her, hoped that he hadn't erased himself from her memory.

Did you all like it? Gonna be honest, I don't have much to say if only because I don't remember what I was thinking when I wrote this. It's been a while, only reason it didn't get posted was because I couldn't get it from my laptop to my flashdrive for a while. Gonna have to have professionals do a complete data transfer when I get the new computer. XP

I hope you all could enjoy it and aren't too sore at me for my lateness. If you've got questions, comments, or advice feel free to send them my way. =3 If not, thanks for reading. Have a good day/night/other!