As is sat at my desk, looking out over the large beautiful back garden,with red, yellow and white roses everywhere, i absentmindedly tapped the pen against the paper infront of me.

'Rose, You should tell him. Its been nine months, your baby will be here real soon...Dimitri deseves to know.' i heard Lissas soft voice speak through the swirl of thoughts in my mind. I turned to see her standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. Her platinum blonde hair cascading down over her shoulders, framing her heart shaped face perfectly.

"you know its not that easy anymore...I dont know if i can Liss... I mean i want to... He still tells me he loves me in his letters... But... I dont want this to be the reason he finally comes back...i want him to come back... For me... You know?" i replied, turning back to gaze out the windows. My hand automatically resting on the large baby bump that was now my stomach. I rubbed small circles on it as i thought about him.

Ever since Dimitri left, hes sent me a letter almost every week, always telling me that he loves me and that hes sorry, he told me hes guarding a moroi in Russia and that hes doing well. I would reply to him, telling him how i am, i never ever told him i was pregnant... It didnt seem right to when he left for the reasons he did. and id tell him what its like living at court with Lissa. Shes studying through correspondence studies so we can stay at court with Christian.

Those two are so in love, im so happy for them but...it hurts me to see sometimes... It just reminds me that that is how i want my life to be, living with the love of my life in a beautiful house, having kids together, raising them and loving them... Together.

Instead im sitting here alone, 9 months pregnant, the father is all the way in Russia, without a clue as to the fact that im carrying his child. Yes id written many letters telling him about our baby growing inside of me, how i wished he was here to witness everything with me... But i never had the guts to send them. Instead they sat in a box in the top drawer beside my bed.

I didnt realise untill Lissa wrapped her arms around me, that i had let tears fall down my cheeks. I wiped them away hastily before lifting my head, "im ok, im fine dont worry Liss." i tried to smile but it felt really forced, and i knew she could tell.

"all right Rose... You know where i am if you need me ok." she said, kissing the top of my head and backing out of the room. I smiled as she left, she was and always will be my best friend, my sister. She would always be more to me then just my charge.

I turned back to the desk, picking up the letter that i had placed on the edge of it. I let the tears fall freely as i read it again,

-my dearest sweet Roza-

I am glad that you are still doing well, im thankful that you havent gotten into trouble while youve been on your shopping trips with Princess Dragomir and Lord Ozera, im not sure i could live in a world without you. even if we dont see eachother, it keeps me strong knowing that you are still living, still laughing and just being you somewhere in the world.

I have been well, since my charge and i live so close to my family, i am able to visit them all the time. Viktoria is excited about going to court in the coming month, she knows of my love for you, but she doesnt know exactly who you are. My charge and i are supposed to be going away for about a month, im not sure where to yet, its a surprise apparently. Though i guess i will find out on monday, when we leave.

I cant wait for your reply. I miss you my Roza, you will always be in my heart.

Love, your comrade

-Dimitri-

I began sobbing quietly, my body hitching as i tried to breathe. A small kick in my stomach pulled me back from falling right off the edge of hysteria, i laughed slightly, my baby always did that when i got sad. He would give me a couple of nudges as if reminding me that hes here and that im not alone. "i know baby, i love you too." i smiled rubbing the spot where he kicked me.

I stood up, stretching my sore tired back, i glanced at the calendar on the wall beside me. Huh, it was monday today, so Dimitri would be on his little holiday. I smiled thinking how even though he was probably somewhere tropical, he would still be clad in his duster, and with a worn out western in his hand.

'Rose, do you want to come to dinner with Christian and i? His aunt is coming to town tonight so he wants to take her out' Lissa asked through the bond as i made my way out of my room and down to the kitchen. I shook my head trying not to laugh, she was only a door away but she would rather just ask through the bond than get up and come to me.

"Sure why not." i finally laughed as i walked into the kitchen, where She and Christian were sitting at the counter. He just looked up with a confused, almost worried look on his face.

"dont worry sparky, youre safe, we arent talking about you... Much." i laughed, ruffling his hair. I knew it annoyed him, but i also knew he would never hit a pregnant women.

He just rolled his eyes at me. "once that child is out Hathaway, youre mine." he grinned, snapping his fingers so that a small flame appeared on the tip of his fingers. "any day now right?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"two days ago actually." i laughed, this baby was two whole days overdue. My womb must be a very cosy place seeing as how he refused to come out.

"so when and where is dinner?" i asked moving into the sitting room and plonking myself down on the couch.

"you know that fancy new little mexican place just past dunkin donuts?" Lissa asked,

Christian scoffed. "duh of course she knows the place, she practically LIVES at dunkin donuts." He laughed, followed by a loud "ouch" from him as i presumed Lissa slapped him. I just growled in response, being pregnant had intensified my craving for donuts, it seems the baby has most of the same taste in food as me.

"we leave in about an hour. Shes going to come here once the plane lands, Shes probably going to stay here with us for a month or so, before she goes back home for the next semester of martial arts shes been teaching." Lissa said, coming into the room.

I havent seen Tasha since back at the academy, i still have my reservations about her. She seemed nice and friendly, but i wasnt convinced that it was completely genuine. Oh well, this house was big enough that i could avoid her most of the time if i wanted to.

"i guess you better help me up then so i can get ready huh?" we both burst out laughing. The couch probably wasnt the best place for me to sit, i could never get off without successfully destroying my dignity. She grabbed my outstretched hand and pulled as i rocked myself back and forth a few times before lurching foreward and onto my feet, crashing into her slightly. She held me for a second as i gained my balance and waddled back towards my room.

I hunted through my wardrobe for ages, flicking through any clothes that accented my pregnant stomach. I hated being gaped at because i looked like a whale, i felt it, i didnt need to be reminded by everyone staring. Finally i found a deep red dress, it was one of my recently acquired favourites. It hugged my boobs just right and the silky billowy material was perfect for helping to make my bump less obvious. I left my hair down, the silky dark brown curls sitting almost below my waist now, i hadnt gotten the nerve to cut it.

I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup when there was a knock on the door. I waited to hear Lissa or Christian get up to answer it but there was nothing. So when the knock sounded again i heaved myself off the chair and waddled out, banging on Lissa and Christians bedroom door as i passed. I could hear the shower running so i knew they must not have heard the door.

I got to the door just as the person on the other side knocked again. I took in a deep breath, putting on my brightest smile as i pulled open the door to greet Natasha Ozera.

One hand flew to my mouth as i gasped, the other flew to my stomach as i looked into the deep brown eyes that haunted my dreams. All 6"7 of his Russian body stood just as shocked on the other side, his fist raised to knock again.

"Roza?" his eyes widdened as they roamed my body, but didnt seem to notice my enlarged stomach as they locked back onto mine.

"Di...Dimitri?!" i almost couldnt breathe, what was he doing here? And why did he look so shocked to see me if he was the one knocking on MY door?

"Dimka, can you help me with this bag?" a shrill high voice called from the left of the door. Dimitri didnt even seem to hear it as he continued to stare at me. "Dimka?" the voice repeated, getting closer untill Tasha finally appeared beside him. "oh Rose, its so good to see you!" she squealed at me, as she lunged forward to embrace me in a hug i stepped back, holding my hands up in front of me.

"Hi Tasha, its good to see you too... Let me... Go get Christian." i said as i hurriedly turned, glancing one last time at Dimitri who still stood just as shocked as before, before i turned and waddled as fast as i could to get to Christian and Lissas room.

"are you freakin kidding me Lissa! Why didnt you tell me he was coming! And hes with Tasha!? What the hell!" i hissed at her as soon as she opened her bedroom door. The shock on her face, and through the bond told me that she knew as much about it as i did.

Christian appeared beside her, "whats going on?" he asked.

"your aunts here..." i growled. His face lit up with a smile and he was past me before i could finish my sentence.

"Aunt Tasha!" i heard him greet her, followed by a gasp and then "Dimitri?" He sounded just as surprised as everyone else. Seems the only one that wasnt at all surprised at the moment was Tasha herself...

"Rose? Are you going to be ok?" Lissa asked, worry streaming to me through the bond.

I closed my eyes and balled my fists up. Would i be ok? He was here, obviously with her... But was he with her? Was everything he wrote to me a lie? I let out a deep long breath before replying through clenched teeth, "yes Liss...ill be fine."

I plastered a fake smile on my face and walked as normally and casually as i could back into the sitting room. Christian was sitting on the couch talking animatedly to his aunt who sat right beside him. Dimitri was standing against the fireplace opposite them, he had on his old guardian mask and was doing the whole seeing but not seeing thing, but the minute i stepped into the room his eyes darted to mine.

In that instant I realised i could still read his emotions through his guardian mask, just like i could back at the academy. I saw joy, happiness, relief, pain and hurt all flash through his eyes. I couldnt help but drop the fake smile as a real one took its place, i wanted so badly to run into his arms, to hold him against me and whisper my love for him. I couldnt do that though, even though i could read him like a book, i wasnt sure in this moment if thats what he wanted, if he even wanted me. So instead i just moved past them and went to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

I knew the instant i stepped into the kitchen that he had followed. The scent of his skin mixed with his aftershave hit me and i turned just as he wrapped his arms around my waist and began to pull me into him.

"Roza i -" he cut himelf off abruptly, i was confused untill i realised he was staring in shock at my bulging baby bump that was between us, keeping him from wrapping his arms completely around me. The shock still clearly evident on his face turned slightly to anger as he looked back at me. "Youre pregnant?" he stated.

I didnt know what to say, so instead i just nodded slowly, trying to gauge his reaction. He dropped his arms from my sides and took a step back, his eyes stared into mine for a second before he closed them, drawing in a deep breath.

I finally found my voice, "Dimitri please, let me explain. Its not what you think."